Alone Together (2018) s02e05 Episode Script

That's it.
I'm calling a shelter.
Alia! Oh.
Uh I was just doing a hydrating lip mask.
- This is not drool.
- Do you live here by yourself now? Did you finally kill both my brothers? I was just napping after my four a.
M.
Jog.
[YAWNS.]
What a workout.
Oh, man, we were at this sick party at Kendrick Lamar's house.
You guys missed it.
There was this polar bear on this lil' tiny glacier.
It was so baller.
But also, it made you think.
Benji! You went to Kendrick Lamar's house and you didn't FaceTime me from the bathroom? What kinda hand soap does he use? I didn't go in.
I just drove Dean and waited in the driveway.
I met Mary J.
Blige's chauffeur.
- Really down-to-earth guy, great dad.
- Lucky! We're supposed to be going over the site for my new store.
You're late.
And you smell like a wet goat.
Polar bear! I'm gonna go shower, cut my five o'clock shadow, and then it's on! Benji, you stayed in a car the entire night? Your life is sadder than ever.
I weigh Dean down at those parties, you know? Everyone thinks I'm a Postmate.
[SCOFFS.]
(WHISPERS) Oh, my God.
[Gasps.]
It smells like all the stores we always get kicked out of.
I'd be careful goin' into that bag, Dean is like a mama lion with his swag.
Oh, my God! Day passes to Aftershox Fitness? I am not comfortable working out with high-status people.
Someone as short as me has to be a DJ to work out there.
I don't want to work out there! I want to go there, meet cool people, get to know them, and then copy everything they do.
You should come with me! You could copy off of me.
- I'm OK.
I already have a gym.
- I thought you said your gym closed.
Temporarily.
It was just a ringworm outbreak.
How long can that last for? I mean, are you really asking, 'cause it depends on four factors.
Just think "SLAM.
" Size, location OK, I I'll go if you stop talking.
This is where I belong.
With all the celebrities who aren't rich enough to have home gyms.
I don't think I'm gonna last here.
Everyone here is the human equivalent of EDM music.
OK.
I'm gonna go watch girls change but make it look like I'm adjusting my socks so I can learn what underwear cool girls wear.
- Cool girls don't wear underwear.
- We don't know that.
I know it's by the free stuff, but that one's actually mine.
I'm so sorry.
I I can put it back into the jar.
It's barely soaked into my skin.
Oh, no, no, no, enjoy it.
It's always great to meet a woman with similar neck wrinkles.
My mom always told me that my neck was ugly, so take care of it! - [CHUCKLES.]
- That is so true.
- Smart woman.
- [LAUGHS.]
- I'm Nora.
- I'm Esther.
You're so nice and pretty to me.
Thank you.
I haven't seen you around here.
Actually, if you're new, you have to check out the saltwater hot tub.
It is incredible.
- Really? - Yeah.
- I would love to.
- Let's go.
You might want to rub in your neck.
Oh, God, this is amazing.
I feel like a matzo ball.
Water can be so healing.
That's actually why I created my company, RAWATER.
You have a company? What? Oh, my God.
It's a premium water concept.
Taken directly from locally sourced streams.
Shut up.
Is that sand at the bottom? No.
It's natural minerals.
Nothing's been added or taken away.
Except the natural minerals, which have been added.
I actually consider myself an entrepreneur, because I upsell used makeup on Reddit.
You know, I'm actually having some people over tonight.
I think you'd fit right in.
If you're free.
Yes.
I would love that.
And, if it is a sleepover situation, I've got everything I need in my car.
And I know it sounds like I live in my car, but I don't.
I'm just on the road a lot.
You are so funny.
One of the downsides of being a driven woman is sometimes, we forget to laugh.
When I'm around, people are always laughing.
And it may be at me, but it also may be with me.
Funny.
Do you wear underwear? [DEEP BREATHS.]
Don't want to let the heat out.
Townhouse Twins! Oh, my God! I love your show, "Un-Flipping Believable"! My family's in real estate, so I feel like I get a lot of the inside stuff - you guys are doin'.
- Cool.
Thanks for watching.
Eh.
So you guys are barefoot in a sauna in a touristy part of town.
Seems a little risky, no? Yeah, we're just here, tryin' to relax.
I feel ya, but it's kinda hard to relax with the threat of ringworm everywhere.
It hit my other gym pretty bad.
It's not a worm.
It's actually a fungus, and it grows OK, maybe just sit quietly, and don't talk.
I am just tryin' to help, guys.
You think jock itch cares that you're just tryin' to relax? It does not.
OK, you need to get outta here, you little fungus perv.
Just sitting there, fully clothed, - looking at our pecs.
- [SIGHS.]
I wasn't looking at your pecs! And now I am, 'cause you brought it up, and they're nice.
From the sledgehammering I assume you guys do during demo? - Just get outta here, man.
- I don't even know why you come here, with all the demo work you guys do.
It seems like a good workout.
- Go, dude! - Turn around! Go! - [JERRY.]
Close the door! - [HANK.]
Oh, my God.
Close the door.
Benji, were you in my swag bag? Well, what do you have to say for yourself, huh? Life comes at you quick, and before you know it, you're in your 30s, living at your brother's house.
You know, I donate these bags to silent auctions.
So you just stole from Habitat for Humanity.
- You asshole.
- Are you mad at me? A little bit, yeah.
But also, I can't lie.
I I'm kind of impressed.
I mean, usually, you're just, like, running around, collecting beetles and stuff.
- They're fish.
- I don't care.
If they're in a tank, it's gross.
Dude, I get why you stole that pass, OK? You want to be more like me and less like you.
It's a good instinct.
You know, I have a premium membership to that gym.
Why don't we go tomorrow? We could get jacked.
OK, I'll go to your gym with you.
- All right, cool.
- All right.
Nora, your home is so beautiful.
This is exactly the way I always wanted my SIMS house to look like.
Thank you.
Oh, this is my authentic Kenyan birthing chair.
Cool! Can I sit in it? No.
Uh, and over here, this is sort of a political piece.
It's a lamp made from the teeth of ivory hunters.
- Payback's a bitch! [LAUGHS.]
- [LAUGHS.]
True.
What is that piece over there? I am so drawn to it.
It's stunning.
That's a Pyrex dish.
Left here by the caterers.
Ah.
Yes.
The Pyrex were a noble people.
[LAUGHS.]
Funny.
My friends are going to love you.
But first, I have to give my speech.
Hells, yeah! I mean I would love a good speech.
Welcome, ladies! What a terrific month it's been! We are so proud to be a leader in global sustainability.
Now, as you know, all of our bottles are recycled into shoes, and all of our bottles are made from recycled shoes.
And remember, ladies, the more girls you sign up to sell, the more money flows up to you! - [APPLAUSE.]
- [ALL CHANTING.]
Rawater! Rawater! RAWATER! RAWATER! - So, this is a? - [CHANTING CONTINUES.]
Pyramid scheme? Oh, yeah.
Would you judge me if I stayed? I mean, I've already judged you, so [CHANTING CONTINUES.]
Obviously, it's a pyramid scheme.
The "A" is a tiny pyramid.
The "W" is two tiny pyramids upside-down next to each other.
There's no subtlety here.
I hate to say this, but I think if selling water is the price of friendship with Nora I'm gonna go ahead and move forward.
How many cases can I put you down for? I'm not drinking water with sand in it.
Literally the only perk of living in the United States is that our water has no sand.
Yo, come on, Benj.
Let's go.
Wha no, no, no, no, no.
What are you doin'? You look like a Power Ranger about to go to bed.
What? It's lightweight and breathable.
I got it at N-Rack.
That's what I call Nordstrom Rack.
It's a fun thing I do.
[GAGS.]
Sorry.
It it's exfoliating my throat.
All right, Benj.
You rip those battle ropes, huh? All right, how's it feel, huh? I feel like I'm jerking off a pirate ship.
[BREATHES DEEPLY.]
- Oh, thank you.
- In all honesty, it's better with you here.
Yesterday sucked.
Case in point, they bring me towels.
[SIGHS.]
Oh, hey, guys! I just wanted to let you know that the other day, when I said your TV show was cool, it's not.
I was just being polite.
And the only reason I know about it is 'cause I got stuck at a Carmax.
They don't let you change the channel there.
Are you really trying to step into the townhouse right now, bro? [SCOFFS.]
'Cause you're gonna get demolished.
Oh.
What are you guys gonna do, rearrange furniture on me? Right? Um So, I'm now realizing my brother's not standing with me, and I thought this would be, like, a brother-brother showdown, but I'm all by myself, and he's not even within yelling distance.
- Wait, Dean's your brother? - Yeah.
You guys don't look alike.
We don't look alike.
What's the problem? No.
Someone's lying to you.
I mean, your mom clearly had an affair with Rob Schneider.
[LAUGHS.]
Psh.
Where did you go? The Townhouse Twins just threw towels at my face and penis, dude.
They told me I look like Rob Schneider.
That's who it is, honestly.
Don't make me work out here.
I don't want to do this.
Look, man.
We're not going anywhere.
We're gonna fix this.
Nobody talks smack about my family, unless it's me, and then everyone laughs afterward.
Because I'm funny, dude.
Come on, let's go.
[ESTHER.]
Gary, I feel like you're giving me the runaround.
Your customers want premium water, OK? Whole Foods is crushing you in this sector.
Ya need me.
Gimme a number.
How many cases can I put ya down for? Gary Gary, I I lost you.
Dean's top three options for my retail expansion all suck.
One doesn't have a parking lot, another is next to a restaurant where they allow children, and the other is next to a Yoshinoya Beef Bowl.
(WHISPERS) Are you are you talking to me? What? Sorry.
I'm sorry, I thought you were talking to me.
But I did want to ask, are we not eating Yoshinoya Beef Bowl anymore? I thought it was healthy, 'cause it had the word "bowl" in the title.
Oh, what is this? RAWATER? All my customers are obsessed with this stuff.
Really? You know RAWATER? Um, you know, if you want to, I could probably get you a bulk discount.
I know the CEO.
Do you really know her, or do you just deliver food to her house? OK, um I know her.
I We laugh, we smile.
She's a Pyrex collector.
OK, well, I guess you can put me down for 30 cases? [LAUGHS.]
So funny.
The only thing that I don't trust about this product - is the fact that you are selling it.
- I do most of my volume over the phone just for that reason.
Yes! Hey! Grab your hair dryer, and blow dry your hair.
Oh, I'm good.
I have schnauzer hair.
It self-dries.
Shut up and just do it.
Grab it, go! [HAIR DRYER TURNS ON.]
Hey, what's up, guys? How ya doin'? Uh, your hair's wet, huh? Yeah, well, you're gonna have to wait a second.
- Come on, guys.
We're in a rush.
- It's so loud, I I can't hear you! - It's a I'm in a wind tunnel! - A bit loud.
His hair's not even wet! Oh, you know what, dude? I just thought of somethin' that's gonna help you guys out.
Next door, there's a Veggie Grill, and in the bathroom, they have one of those turbo-dryer for your hands.
So stick your head under that.
Yeah, they replaced meat patties with mushrooms.
Enjoy it, losers.
I'm gonna blow dry my back.
Guys, we gotta be on camera in 30 minutes.
Oh! That reminds me, dude.
We're more alike than you think.
I also have to be on camera.
Hey, guys, what's up? We're with the Township Tools.
Isn't that right? Ha! You know, I know the Dean Teamers love my hair lookin' nice and fluffy.
Come on, Dean.
This is unreal, man.
Is it unreal? Or is it "Un-Flipping Believable"? That's trademarked, bro.
[HANK.]
Not cool, man.
[HAIR DRYER TURNS OFF.]
That was so sick, man! You burned 'em with their own catchphrase! You know what this is like? This is like high school when you beat up Billy Loudon's ass for pissing on my face.
Yes! You are sick today! I like using the word "sick" like this! You can use it! Oh! Everyone, this is Esther.
She just sold 30 cases.
Hi.
[LAUGHS NERVOUSLY.]
Join us! Have some paella.
Oh.
Um.
I could stand, or? Oh, you know, with your sales, pull up the birthing chair.
OK! Whoa! I think I just dilated a little.
Yes, it it works.
Uh, so we were just discussing our annual sales trip to Bali.
Now, I don't usually do this, but Esther, I think you should join us for our retreat in Uluwatu.
[SCREAMS.]
I have always dreamed of going to that place you just said.
That's great! So, all you have to do is sell 50 more cases, we'll book your flight! Should be easy for a natural saleswoman like you.
So easy.
Too easy.
I mean, tell me to sell 100.
Just kidding.
Keep it at 50.
Can I stand? 'Cause I feel like everything that's inside of me is about to fall out.
Oh, man.
I forgot that Billy Loudon kid peed on your face.
It was more of like a spritz, you know? I was pinned down, squirmin' a lot.
Deano! My bud! Did you shoot a video in the locker room? - Oh, yeah, it was hilarious.
- [LAUGHS.]
Dude, I was laughing so hard.
But, unfortunately, there's no photography in the locker room.
Hate to do it, but I gotta ban you.
For life.
Are you serious? I need your key fob.
Whatever, this place sucks anyway.
Here.
- I was just tryin' to defend my brother.
- That's your brother? Yeah.
I'm his brother.
What are you so surprised? Maybe I was conceived next to a running microwave.
Now I'm offended.
So what are you thinking, you maybe wanna go do, like, glow-in-the-dark bowling right now, or? Dude, there's not casual after that just happened.
I'm angry, and you have to let me be angry.
You're walking home.
Hi, I'm a Silverlake mom, and I'm very wealthy, and I was just wondering if you could stock at your store, please, for me, just one specific item, RAWATER, for me and my family, um Yes, Gary, ya caught me.
Damn it! Gary! [SIGHS.]
I don't think you really want to go to Bali.
You can't swim.
Monkey thievery is through the roof there.
No baguette is safe.
It's not about the trip, OK? It's about the lifestyle.
Have you even heard of paella? Yeah, of course I've heard of paella.
Really? 'Cause you've never once brought it up.
Why would I bring up paella? It's not the weather.
Did you go jogging without me? I thought we were workout buddies.
Yeah, well, that was true, until you got me kicked out of my own gym.
[SIGHS.]
Well do you want to go to my gym? They just reopened.
I thought you got pink eye there from a towel.
They don't have towel service, Esther.
I got pink eye from the rowing machine.
It's really nice.
They just added stalls to the bathrooms.
- You should come! - Yeah.
Why not, I guess.
[PHONE BUZZES.]
Oh, what? Alia fired me because of a Yoshinoya Beef Bowl? Oh.
She said that people wouldn't buy dresses if they smelled like teriyaki, but I just want you to know that I disagree.
I would, I have, I don't care.
So now I gotta get her a gift to suck up.
You could buy her RAWATER.
Alia loves it.
She's addicted to it.
She drinks it up like a hot rich fish.
It tastes like a lake.
I don't personally get it, but hot pretty girls, they love fancy water.
Why are there so many triangles on it? It represents the shoe to bottle to shoe life cycle.
I could sell you some right now.
All right, yeah, sure.
Send her a case from me.
Uh, well, you know, The way she was trash-talking Japanese fast-casual food, I feel like we're lookin' more like 50 cases deep.
All right, who cares? Send her 50 cases.
Yes! And just like that, I'm goin' to Bali, baby! With a buncha rich pretty girls.
And those little monkeys better watch their backs if they come for my baguettes.
[HISSES.]
I wish this was my first time saying this to you.
Don't underestimate the monkeys, Esther.
God, this place smells weird.
Well, yeah, it's a lot of Eastern Europeans, so, sweating out pickled fish and cabbage.
I can't believe you work out here.
It's like prison without the hope.
I think it's inspiring.
Look at this guy.
He's blind and deaf.
And he whistles every day in the locker room.
That's gonna be us one day.
No way.
The second I get a liver spot on my shaft, I'm offing myself.
[SIGHS.]
Uh, hey man, what's the deal with that, uh, greasy sweat spot over there? You wanna maybe wipe it down? I'm not your housekeeper.
Do I look like housekeeper? Yeah.
You do look like a housekeeper.
Wipe it down.
All right, guys.
I think I'm sensing a little bit of a culture gap here.
Let's not worry about it.
I'll wipe it down.
No, Benj.
You use it, you wipe it.
You wipe it.
You wipe it.
You know I got this, Dean.
Vitaly, hi.
I think I recall a few months ago, when I was very generous with my Gold Bond powder, remember that? Maybe just go easy on us this time? Thanks, bud.
Appreciate it.
Did you touch Vitaly? I wouldn't say I touched.
I tapped.
Just a That was a tap.
Hey, uh, what's goin' on, here? This is how you get kicked out of my gym.
Now, before we break, I just want to acknowledge that Esther shattered her sales goal and will be joining us in Bali! Now, Esther, do you want to share with us how you did it? I'd be happy to.
[SIGHS.]
I did it all for a little girl.
A little girl named Esther, whose first grade teacher told her that she had chubby handwriting.
Well, you know what, Mrs.
Dandino, I'd love to see you write a skinny "B.
" Actually, I will take the mic for this.
And if there's a spotlight, I'll take it.
If not, that's fine.
Thank you so much.
Thank you.
Well, we got kicked out of two gyms in one week.
That's gotta be a personal best for me.
You know what? At least you really stuck it to that Russian guy for me, dude.
Thank you.
- Really? -No, dude! He was gigantic.
Who do you think we are, Double Dragon? I guess it's best if we stay in our own worlds.
Yeah, probably.
I was actually happy in Kendrick Lamar's driveway.
I was humble, I was sitting down.
We're just different.
You don't like cool stuff, like cars and girls.
I like cars and girls, OK? I just think they can be scary and risky, - so, I'm careful.
- [PHONE BUZZING.]
Oh, no, no, no.
I'm done with this conversation.
- [PHONE BUZZES.]
- Alia, hey.
No, I'm not doin' anything important.
So junior year was the year of dance.
- Now - [PHONE RINGS.]
Oh, excuse me.
Uh, this is actually one of my top clients calling.
So listen and learn.
Mr.
Dean, how ya been! Lesson one, keep it fun.
[DEAN.]
Yo, Esther, what the hell? I just talked to Alia.
She hates that garbage water.
She said it's so matcha now.
I understand you're upset.
What if I told you I had some free RAWATER trucker hats I was gonna throw in there for you? In a lurch, try free merch.
You know what? I can't believe I got duped by some friendless loser that's always crashin' at my place.
Because of your stupid "Paw Patrol," I have no more room in my DVR for my "NYPD Blue.
" You know what? Alia and I are both canceling our orders.
How 'bout that? And thank you so much for the feedback.
I Thank you, I appreciate it.
OK, well, uh, setbacks happen, right? If you think that losing all my sales in one humiliating phone call is gonna stop me, you're wrong! Wait, those were all of your sales, Esther? Yes, but I plan to hit the ground running when we all get to Bali, baby! Bali is for top sellers only, Esther.
Um, that's OK.
I don't have a passport, and I don't know how to get one.
Hey.
Did I fall asleep? - Yeah.
- How long was I out for? It's five a.
M.
You were drooling, so I shut your jaw.
I coulda drowned.
How was the sunrise? You know, I think I'm more of a sunset guy.
The sunrise was OK.
The sun sorta rose above Hey.
I'm on one percent.
Sorry.
Uh, so we just started a, uh, jam sesh, and then they rolled out some B12 shots.
So, probably gonna be a few more hours.
Don't worry about it.
We can stay here forever.
We'll just watch TV.
Oh, I don't want you watchin' my car Hulu.
You're gonna screw up my algorithms with your weird British comedies.
Favorite part of British comedies - when they say, "isn't it," 'cause they go, "intit.
" - "Intit.
" - It's more like, "innit," but, anyway - You could do British comedy.
- Yeah.
(WITH BRITISH ACCENT) You fink I could do British comedy? - [LAUGHS.]
- Oh, my God! - Funny.
But I gotta go in.
- You still got it, kid! I gotta go.