American Dragon: Jake Long (2005) s02e05 Episode Script

1
[German accent] Ah, there.
It covers 2/3
of the earth's surface.
2/3 of the world's
magical creatures
in its depths?
We can draw
but one conclusion--
I have
a beef jerky head.
Now watch me dance
the cha-cha.
That rotwood puppy
is for serious
messed up, spuds.
Yeah, yo, but you got
the voice all wrong.
Check this.
[Imitates rotwood] You kids
want to see magical creatures?
Check out all ze nasty
nose trolls and gas monster
I got in my--
I was quite
the poopenspieler
back in my day, too,
Mr. Marionette
mockery man.
Hey!
Shall we see
if I've still got it?
I am beef jerky Jake long,
and I'm a real jerk-y!
Ha ha ha ha.
I'm sorry, brah,
but you gotta admit,
that was some sweet
poopenspieling.
Principal's office, now!
This is your 37th trip
to my office
in the year
I've been here, Jake.
Your grades are slipping,
there's been a hug uptick
in absences and tardys.
I've read
your permanent record.
You weren't always like this.
What's happened to you
this past year?
It's, uh, been, you know,
lots of
Well, it's high time
you changed back.
And I'm afraid I'm going to
have to talk to your parents
about how to do just that.
My parents? You can't.
I
What the? Fu?
Excuse me?
I was just saying,
phew, what the
Heck took us so long
to have this talk?
No, you said fu.
There was clearly no "ya" sound
in the middle.
Uh, I think there's a problem,
and I need to--
We're not done here,
Mr. Long.
Yeah,
I'm sure they'd love to chat,
but my parents are out of town
at some junior
genius convention
for my little sister.
It's just me and gramps
kicking it at the crib and--
Aw, man. I really gotta go.
Ach, now that's
just wrong.
Yes, Jake, something here
is very wrong.
And it's about time
I found out what it is.
He's cool, he's hot
like a frozen sun ♪
He's young and fast,
he's the chosen one ♪
People,
we're not braggin' ♪
He's the American dragon ♪
He's gonna stop his enemies
with his dragon power ♪
Dragon teeth, dragon tail,
burnin' dragon fire ♪
A real live wire ♪
American dragon ♪
American dragon ♪
He's the American dragon ♪
His skills are
gettin' faster ♪
With grandpa,
the master ♪
His destiny,
what's up, g? ♪
It's showtime, baby,
for the legacy ♪
I'm a dragon,
and I'm braggin' ♪
I'm the magical protector
from the N.Y.C. ♪
Ya heard? ♪
American dragon ♪
Yeow!
You can't just pull me
out of dursetto's office
like that, gramps.
I get enough hassle from you.
I don't need any more
from school.
I am sorry, Jake,
but sometimes
the needs of others
must come
before your own.
I have received
a most distressing
message
from the east river
mermaid city.
There's a mermaid city?
Could the bedtime stories
my beloved Nana used to tell me
be true?
Could there really be
such a magical place?
So now what? We gotta
go diving in New York's
funkiest swimming hole?
Our transport
to the mermaid city
will arrive shortly.
They're probably stuck
in squidlock.
Gaa goo floogy googy.
Nobody gets me.
Follow me.
Oh, Nana, dreams
do come true!
What? You and your gramps
never had dreams?
Whoa.
[Laughter] It's as beautiful
as I always dreamed it would be.
Look at that and that
and that and that and that.
Yo, silver?
Jake, I'm delighted
to see you again.
How's it goin'
with the whole
fear-of-water thing?
Nnn, yeah, not so good.
I had a bit of a relapse
last cinco de Mayo.
[Mariachi music]
Top off your agua,
señorita?
But I've got a good job in
mermaid drylander relations now.
That's why they sent me
to tell you about
our kelpy problem.
Aw, kelpy.
That sounds cute.
Well, you can set it
to chill, sil,
'cause your kelpy problem
is my no problem.
This is security footage
of the kelpy's escape
from our prison a year ago.
Not much of a karaoke voice
on that one.
It's a shape-shifter
of the order vampira morphus,
able to absorb
the form and power
of any magical creature
on which it feeds.
Many of our
best mermaid detectives
have spent the past year
I feel you, silver.
Not everybody can hack it
like I mack it.
The am drag is here
for you.
Actually, we called you
down here to warn you.
There's been a flurry
of kelpy attacks around
your neighborhood recently.
We think it may have found out
what you are,
and it's looking to feed
on your dragon power.
Whoa, rewind and remix.
He won't actually eat you.
He'll slowly drain your essence
with his icy-cold bite,
sending your soul
into eternal darkness
and leaving your lifeless husk
of a body behind.
Oh, that's not
much better, is it?
Well, I guess it's nice
that you get to keep your husk.
Spud? Where'd that boy go?
Uh, I don't mean to bag on
your construction,
but there's not much give
in these bubbles.
So beautiful. Ohh.
And did you know
that in mermopolis,
you can fall asleep
every night to the songs
of passing dolphins?
Look, I found an mp3.
[Dolphins vocalizing]
It's like music that
only my heart understands.
[Imitates dolphins]
[Speaks Chinese]
Why am I hearing dolphin songs?
It is kelpy we are after!
We're on it, gramps.
For real,
I'm gettin' punked here.
My folks are outta town.
We should be out
all night partying,
playing video games,
you know, whatever.
Why does he always gotta
come on so hardcore?
I heard that. Then
he'd have no time to be
stealin' away my time.
Too bad there's nothing
we can do.
Hoo hoo hoo.
Sorry, ladies, there's only
so much of the fu to go around.
Check it out. The world's only
online magical dating service?
I gotta tell ya, it's
way easier than dating was
in the old days.
[Fanfare plays]
Huzzah, fine lass.
My name is fu dog,
and I--
[whinnies]
[Whimpers]
You know what? Keep her.
You put in a little something
about yourself.
"Purebred
airedale terrier
with vacation homes"
look at all those typos
in my bio. You should
try typing with paws.
Anyway, then you tell 'em
what kind of dame
you're looking for,
and palookazoom--
Instant lovey-dovey.
So, if I was to say
I was, for example,
a manly hunk
of Chinese dragon looking
for a little spicy chow mein
to noodle around with
I don't know if gramps
wants to get back into
the swinging singles' scene.
Hey, I'm just doing
what he told me--
Taking care
of other people's needs.
You know I'd love to,
gramps, but I gotta
study up on that kelpy.
[Mutters in Chinese]
Yes?
Well, you gonna
give me some flowers?
I gotta show up
on your doorstep for a date,
I expect at least
some posies for my troubles.
Date?
Eh, forget it.
Blecch. I can see
you got no class.
That was certainly strange.
[Doorbell rings]
Hi there. I like long walks
in the full moonlight--
Hi. So meet
to great you.
Oh, I mean--
Great, Sandy.
You ruined it again!
Yes, I know
I'm a sharkwoman,
but I love
and I feel,
and I'd really like to
try to make this work.
I'm trying to help a lonely,
cranky, no-girlfriend-havin'
brother out.
[Eerie screeching]
What the?
Dragon up!
Easy, little guy.
What's goin' on?
It attacked us out of nowhere.
Please save us.
From what?
What's out there?
K-k-k-k-k-kelpy!
Haah! Yo, kelpy, you wanna
throw down the harsh,
bring it to
the am drag, chump.
[Growls]
So that's how we play it, huh?
All right, then.
When you wanna bring it,
I'll be waiting.
Soon, yes, very soon,
I build my power and find a way
to strike from the inside.
[Laughter]
What the? Gramps and
He found himself a lady.
Hey, gramps,
who's the lucky--
principal dursetto?
Ah, Jake, we thought
you had fallen asleep.
How did the website
and you and her--huh?
I came here to talk
with your parents.
I know you said
they were out of town,
but, to be honest, I figured
you were lying. Sorry.
No need to apologize.
Jake often has problems
with dishonesty,
not to mention
discipline, focus
Both: Study habits. Oh.
Perhaps you would like
to discuss Jake's issues
with me instead.
Say over dinner?
Oh
It's a date.
No-o-o-o-o!
Jake, does your grandfather
prefer easy listening
or smooth jazz?
Jake, go rent us
a romantic movie while we
discuss your many problems.
Jake, I believe your grandfather
sent something with you.
Ah, yes, ma'am.
"Till next we meet,
a Rose to remind you--oh--
You are my sweet."
[Laughter]
Aren't we sweet.
A'ight, so it didn't work out
exactly like we thought.
You mind keeping it down?
I found me a cute French poodle
named la Betty 42,
and, ooh, la la,
any woman who make me lol
on my PC 24/7
is a-ok with m-e.
[Eerie screeching]
Let me check it out.
Hello? Somebody out here?
Whoa.
Whoa, girl.
What's gotten into you?
Kelpy bite.
Come on now. You're ok.
Looks like you got away
before he finished feeding.
Let's just get you
somewhere safe and--
[kelpy screeches]
Principal dursetto?
Oh.
Jake. I didn't know you were--
I didn't mean to scare you.
I think my chair
rusted up a little.
What are you doing back here?
We just got back.
I came to say good night.
What are you
doing back here?
I--i was just is that
seaweed on your chair?
Oh, yes. We, uh,
went to the beach.
I am still waiting
for my good-night hug.
Or are you interested
in a lip-lock upgrade?
Trix: Hey, yo, gramps,
we still standin' here.
I'll see you
in school on Monday.
Yeah.
Dursetto?
It all fits, trix.
The screeching,
the seaweed.
How she's always
over at my place, getting
all close to gramps and me.
Yeah, getting close enough
to sneak a bite of dragon
the second
we let our guard down.
Ok, maybe. But why are we here
busting into her office
at dag nasty o'clock
in the morning
instead of telling your gramps
what's going on?
You think lover boy gramps
is gonna listen to
anything I say
without some kind of proof?
A'ight, but I just got
one more question--
Who told spud he could
bring the fish?
Why won't you tell me
your secrets?
In my heart,
I'm already one of you.
Glub glub. Glub glub.
Glub glub.
Glub glub Glub Glub.
Glub glub glub glub
Glub Glub.
Fish tanks, blue walls,
ocean murals.
She's definitely got
an underwater theme going on.
Ooh, and check it.
Broken cuffs and chains.
Pretty rusted.
Lots of old sea junk on 'em.
East river.
Vintage--last year.
Looks like somebody wanted to
keep a souvenir of her breakout.
[Creaking]
Go.
Don't say maybe.
Say yes to grandpa.
Baby.
[Sings in Chinese]
Cut the Mike, g.
This is serious.
I'm sorry. I know what
it's like to find out your lady
is your mortal enemy.
But this proves it.
A rusted old chain proves
only that you are bound
to your own biases.
I know you must have issues
with my dating your principal,
but I think I would know
if the administrator of my heart
was a kelpy.
If you discover any real leads
to the kelpy's whereabouts,
I shall be burning
a mix cd for tonight.
I love you,
you love me ♪
Let's go eat
some snow peas ♪
Mmm-mmm-mmm.
The things
love will do to a man.
Alas, la Betty 42, my yacht
is in the shop right now.
Uh, no, you can't come over
to the mansion
'cause there was a terrible
caviar spill in the pool house,
and we're right in the middle
of gold-plating the bars
on the menagerie.
[Stammers]
Looks like it's up to us.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
Uh, to do what
exactly?
To catch dursetto.
[Knocking]
Princy d, what's up?
Yeah, I just wanted to apologize
for giving you and my gramps
such a hard time,
so, you know, if you wanna
Come outside and talk.
It's a little cold outside.
Why don't you come in here?
All right, let's cut
the frontin'.
Yeah, I know what you are
and what you're trying to do.
All right, this doesn't
have to get ugly.
Let's just talk
about it like--yaah!
Whoa. Trix, spud!
Drop it!
Dragon up! No more
running away, kelpy!
Gotcha. And the catch of the day
is fresh ugly kelpy.
What are you talking about?
You're the kelpy.
You can't run forever.
I'm not the only mermaid
who's after you.
Mermaid?
Aw, man.
I was one of
the mermaid detectives
I thought it might be you.
The way I kept finding you
everyplace the beast attacked,
the changes you said
you'd gone through
in the past year.
I thought the real Jake long
had been eaten and replaced.
What about those chains we found
when we broke into your office?
Ach, evidence
I picked up on the--
You broke into my office?
I thought you were trying
to eat me and gramps.
But if you're not--
I mean, that means
the kelpy is still
Where is she? Dolores promised
she would be here by now.
Hey, I hear ya.
Lies can totally ruin
the relationship.
Take it from me, a nobel
peace prize-winning dog
who just wants the paparazzi
to leave him alone.
Ain't that right,
la Betty 42?
Go fetch me a drink.
Right away, baby cakes.
I should call Dolores.
[Snarls]
Hmm? Oh, it's you,
la Betty 42.
The rest room
is down the hall.
[Kelpy morphs]
Do you mind, la Betty 42?
I am trying to--hyah!
[Screeches]
I hope you like
your tap water warm,
baby because--aah!
When I said you
could slip into something
a little more comfortable,
I didn't mean to--oof.
And now the feasting.
Aii. Ohh Ohh.
Yo, my gramps
is not surf 'n' turf.
[Screeches]
Jake, no. He's absorbed
your grandfather's power.
[Screams]
I told you I would
find a way inside, dragon.
Now your power will be mine.
Aah!
Yo, yo, cowboy.
Check the am drag
riding bareback, baby.
Jake, look out.
Don't let the wheelchair
fool you.
[Screeches]
Gotcha. Hah, who's your
mack daddy now, tiny?
Aw, man. When did he
eat a troll?
Back, scuz paste.
You mess with one mermaid,
you mess with us all.
Sorry we late.
Homie over here
made us stop
to get his
mermaid costume.
Merman, Trixie. You gotta
chill-ate with the Gill hate.
Quick, help me up
so I can slap that punk
with my mighty fin.
Higher, higher.
Huh? Yaah!
We are never going to beat him
if he keeps changing form
like that.
Then I guess I gotta
convince him to stay put
for a little while.
Check it, I got a plan.
Taste my mermaid fury.
Oh, handle your business.
It's all you, playa.
Yo, scared to take me on
as yourself, chump?
Or are you as weak
as you are ugly?
Yes. A meal like dragon
deserves to be consumed
with my own teeth.
I feed on
young, strong dragon.
Dursetto, go!
Aah!
Uh, just so you know,
sweetie,
I'm gonna need
some extra credit for this.
La Betty 42,
I'm disgusted with you.
How could you
so misrepresent yourself?
When I was back in the
royal Navy before I made
my fortune in Ruby mining,
we had a name
for people like you!
I'm sorry
I misjudged you,
Jake.
Me, too. And I just
want you to know,
if you and gramps wanna,
you know, get serious,
I'm cool with that.
Oh, I I assumed you knew.
Now that the kelpy
has been captured,
detective dursetto must take
a new undercover assignment.
What? But that's not fair!
They can't--
But sometimes the needs
of others must come before
our own, young dragon.
And so, I guess this is
Take me with you,
please.
Goodbye.
Farewell,
my cherry blossom.
I can't believe it.
I'm really going.
Whee!
Wait. Do over.
I breathed in a minnow.
I totally got away with
not having dursetto
talk to my parents.
And now that there's
gonna be a new principal,
I get a clean slate.
Students, I have
ze sad duty to inform you
that due to the disorder
caused by miss dursetto's
sudden departure,
I will no longer be able
to serve as your teacher.
[Cheering]
Instead I have chosen to be
your new principal. Ta-da!
[All complain]
I had to special order
the beret.
Not official principal wear,
but what do you think?
Classy, no?
Aw, man.
That's a fish on bottom
and all lady on top? Dursetto!
Who can run a junior high
on the sly
and always gets her guy?
Dursetto!
Undercover, underwater.
Aw, yeah.
Dursetto--mermaid detective.
Ooh, call up
the magic channel, kid.
Fu smells a new hit show.
Gaa goo floogy googy.
Nobody gets me.