Animaniacs (2020) s02e05 Episode Script

theme song playing ♪
‐ It's time for Animaniacs! ♪
And we're zany to the max ♪
So just sit back and relax ♪
You'll laugh till you collapse ♪
We're Animaniacs! ♪
‐ Come join the Warner Brothers ♪
‐ And the Warner Sister Dot ♪
Just for fun, we run around
the Warner movie lot ♪
They lock us in the tower
whenever we get caught ♪
But we break loose and then vamoose
and now you know the plot ♪
We're Animaniacs ♪
Dot has wit and Yakko yaks ♪
Wakko packs away the snacks ♪
Our careers have made comebacks ♪
We're Animaniacs! ♪
Meet Pinky and the Brain
who want to rule the universe ♪
A brand new cast who tested well
in focus group research ♪
Gender balanced, pronoun neutral ♪
And ethnically diverse ♪
The trolls will say we're so passé,
but we did meta first ♪
We're Animaniacs ♪
You should see our new contracts ♪
We're zany to the max,
there's baloney in our slacks ♪
We're animan‐ey, totally insane‐y ♪
‐ Polyurethane‐y ♪
‐ Animaniacs! Those are the facts ♪
♪
♪
‐ I don't get it.
‐ I don't get it.
‐ I don't get it.
‐ Now, that one I get!
‐ Finally, some real art!
‐ At least someone appreciates
my exquisite physique.
‐ Oh look! It's mixed media!
Oil and vinegar from a sub sandwich!
‐ Duh, I'm not a art!
‐ Uh‐oh. We better run.
He's gonna find out we didn't leave
the suggested donation.
[all grunt]
‐ I thought the exit was
through the gift shop!
[clang]
‐ We should've gone to
the museum I wanted to visit!
‐ Wakko, that was
an all‐you‐can‐eat buffet!
‐ Exactly! A food museum!
[rim shot]
[all grunt]
MUSEUM DOCENT:
Everyone, today, we are in luck.
Famed performance artist
Athena Oddstankovic
will present her latest exhibition,
"The Artist Is Resting Her Feet."
She will sit in a chair all day,
making eye contact with visitors
as long as they want,
without responding!
Let's take a look.
[soft clap]
[Midwestern accent]:
Oh, hi. This is kind of awkward, isn't it?
I guess you're used to it by now, huh?
♪
Oh, in case you haven't noticed,
I'm from out of town on vacation.
I work at a zoo,
and all the animals escaped,
so they gave us some time off.
Of course, my husband thinks it's my fault
because I taught one little
monkey how to open his cage.
I didn't know he was gonna teach
the other monkeys! [nervous laugh]
Oh, you're right! I did it
because I'm in love with that monkey,
and I should leave my husband!
♪
‐ Please, I insist.
‐ Go ahead.
‐ No, after you.
YAKKO: Alright.
DOT: Well, alright then.
[all grunt]
‐ Now what?
‐ Now, I guess we flag down our waiter.
I really could go for a seltzer.
‐ I'm gonna order Lobster Thermidor.
‐ So, what are you getting?
‐ Hm. Okay. So,
I guess you're not into
a sharing situation.
What if I got fries?
♪
[both scream, grunt]
WAKKO:
Hello? Ms. Lady?
‐ Is she okay?
‐ I don't know.
Maybe she needs a part replaced.
[cranking]
‐ [echoing]:
Yep. I see what the problem is.
‐ Oh no! What's it gonna cost me?
‐ Your problem is she's not a car.
‐ I knew they gave me a lemon.
‐ Nope, she's not a lemon either.
‐ Yay! [laughing]
[laughter]
‐ Please don't touch the artwork.
[Dot screams]
‐ This is art?
‐ Well, yes, of course!
By putting herself on display,
Ms. Oddstankovic has
transformed herself
into a piece of art!
DOT: Oh!
Like those movies where the alien robots
transform into cars!
‐ You told me she wasn't a car!
‐ Please! Just sit down!
♪
‐ I don't get it.
‐ Me neither.
‐ Well, sibs, maybe our brains aren't
sophisticated enough for this, huh?
We're just silly kids with silly thoughts.
Like, I don't know,
what was the best thing
before sliced bread?
‐ And why do they have
interstate highways in Hawaii?
And why do we take the bus
when the bus is the one taking us?
‐ And how come the letter W
is called "double U,"
but the letter M
isn't called "double N"?
YAKKO:
Good question, Wakko.
And if you
ate pasta and anti‐pasta,
wouldn't a black hole
open in your stomach?
DOT: And why is mixed fruit
called a fruit salad,
but mixed cheese is called a cheese board?
WAKKO: Why would you ever
look a gift horse in the mouth
unless you were a qualified horse dentist?
‐ If talk is cheap, why is a picture
worth a thousand words?
YAKKO: And if a wrap is a sandwich,
isn't a pizza just an open‐face sandwich?
‐ Why would they call it the Donner Party
if they weren't celebrating anything?
‐ Yeah!
I don't get that either.
[all gasp]
♪
[crowd gasping]
[screaming]
And why do people say partly cloudy
and partly sunny like
they are not the same thing?
And who was the first
person to try to eat an oyster?
[shivers] It looks like spit on a rock.
It makes no sense! Nothing really
makes any sense to me anymore.
And what is my art,
and why is it art? Why?
All I do is sit around,
watching everyone stand around me
watching me sit around! Ah!
‐ Eh, beats me. Well,
if they're not serving food here,
should we go get
an open‐face pepperoni sandwich?
‐ Hey, you can't leave!
W‐what am I gonna post
on my Chatstagram story?
♪
‐ Mm!
‐ I see you have met the Warners, too, ja?
‐ I certainly did.
‐ What!? You have to speak up!
‐ Eat up, everyone.
‐ Ooh! [chuckles]
Yeah, thank you.
Do you have any tomato soup?
‐ Of course. Us starving artists
gotta stick together.
MAN: You're no artist!
You're the bothersome commercial
product of a soul‐less corporate entity!
‐ Oh, that's where you're wrong,
Frida Kahlo's husband.
‐ We're something even more annoying!
♪
[gasping]
WOMAN: It's Banksy!
[thunder]
Pinky & the Brain theme song ♪
‐ Gee, Brain,
what do you wanna do tonight?
‐ The same thing we do every night, Pinky.
Try to take over the world!
[thunder]
♪
‐ They're Pinky and the Brain ♪
Yes, Pinky and the Brain ♪
One is a genius ♪
The other's insane ♪
They're laboratory mice ♪
Their genes have been spliced ♪
They're dinky,
they're Pinky and the Brain ♪
Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain ♪
♪
♪
‐ [panting] Can I put it down now, Brain?
‐ Not yet, Pinky.
‐ Well, hurry!
My arms are sleepy. You know how they get
when they miss nap time! Ah!
[beeping]
[crash]
Sorry, Brain.
I'll buy you a new TV hat.
‐ No need, my friend. That satellite dish
was inconsequential to my plan.
By assigning you a pointless, menial task,
I avert the risk of you
interfering with my work.
‐ Egad, Brain. That's genius!
‐ Yes. Now, pay close attention.
Tonight, I shall attend a dinner for
world dictators, undercover.
Once inside, I will plant
a listening device
which will provide me with
all the military intel I will need
to take over the world!
‐ A dinner party? Can I go?
Oh, please, Brain!
Oh please, please, please!
‐ Yes, Pinky. Every dictator
has a right‐hand man.
Putin has Igor Sechin,
Kim Jong‐un has Kim Yong‐chol,
Pitbull has "featuring Ludacris."
You will attend as my mute secretary.
Do you know what a "mute" is, Pinky?
‐ Is it a flute for cows?
‐ Pinky, if your mind
were a body of water,
it would be the Dead Sea.
Now, enough prattle!
Our limousine will be here in one hour.
Put this on.
‐ Oh, do you love it, Brain?
I think it's fun.
And, it has pockets!
[grunt]
♪
‐ Name?
‐ I am Emperor Brain from Albrainia.
‐ I'm sorry. I don't see you on the list.
‐ How about Pinky?
SECURITY GUARD: Why, yes. Of course,
President Pinkochet. Welcome back.
[grunt]
[mumbling, muffled laugh]
jazz music playing ♪
[inaudible]
‐ There they are, Pinky.
[inaudible dialogue]
The most ruthless dictators in the world.
Remember, we mustn't attract
any unnecessary attention.
If our cover is blown, we'll be
[splash]
PINKY: Help!
[gasps] Somebody help me!
I fell into the deep end,
and I can't swim!
‐ Just stand, you buffoon.
‐ Oh.
I think we should leave, Brain.
I saw a mouse in the cocktail sauce.
‐ What part of "don't attract attention"
do you not understand?
You are to behave and stay as quiet as‐‐
‐ A mouse?
‐ Quieter.
‐ [quieter]:
A mouse?
‐ It's time to put my plan into action.
KIM JONG‐UN:
So‐so, like, I‐‐ There I was.
I took the "which dictator are you" quiz,
and you're not going to believe who I got.
Saddam Hussein!
[laughter]
‐ Shut up. That's hilarious.
‐ I always saw you as more of a Gaddafi.
BRAIN: Good evening, fellow dictators!
What's the haps,
as they say. [nervous laugh]
Who's occupying whom? Hm?
Where are we hiding our nuclear reactors?
Are those pigs‐in‐a‐blanket?
Mm, my favorite. Although,
I probably shouldn't.
Once you eat one, it's a slippery slope.
Well, I'll let you get back to it.
A pleasure meeting you all.
♪
Listening device activated.
[whirring]
[beeping]
Time to hear all
your dirty little secrets.
‐ Well, for starters, I've been wearing
this same Band‐Aid for six years.
‐ Not you, Pinky.
KIM JONG‐UN [on device]: Uh, can we take
a moment to talk about
how rude that guy was!?
‐ You don't talk politics
or world domination at dinner.
Everybody knows that.
‐ Also, I feel like he
is too tall to be dictator.
[laughter]
‐ What is happening?
This is the inane babbling
of gossiping millennials,
not merciless tyrants!
NICOLÁS MADURO [on device]:
Vladimir, can you tell me again
how this "dinner for fools" works?
VLADIMIR PUTIN [on device]:
Sure, Nicolás!
As you know, we all bring
foolish guest to dinner.
I vote on whoever brings
the most foolish guest,
and they will win special prize.
A nuclear submarine!
♪
Equipped with all the latest
world‐domination technologies!
‐ A dinner for fools?
Where am I supposed to
find a fool at this hour?
There are no IHOPs around here.
PINKY: Ah!
[thud]
[muffled]: Uh, it's not
what it looks like, Brain.
He came onto me.
‐ To borrow from the ancients,
"fortuna favet fatuis."
‐ Four tunas? Oh, no thanks, Brain.
I'm still full on cocktail sauce.
[chuckles]
‐ It means "fortune favors fools", Pinky!
Are you pondering what I'm pondering?
‐ Yah!
[lisping]: I think so, Brain,
but isn't the seashore
the worst place to be selling seashells?
[cracking]
Ah! [nervous laughs]
[maniacal laughter]
‐ Yes, Pinky! Exactly!
Just like that!
[tapping]
‐ Welcome, everyone,
to annual top secret dictator dinner!
I hope you enjoy fun
and colorful e‐vite I send this year.
Anyway, democracy is weak
and crumbles across world like cookie.
So, I'm pleased to see some new faces.
Also, we will be having cookie later.
Everyone, please stand
to introduce yourself
and your "special guest."
‐ I am Nicolás Maduro from Venezuela,
but please call me "the Nicktator"!
I'm trying to get that going.
[nervous laugh]
This is my very special guest, Rodrigo.
[whispering]:
He thinks he is robot.
‐ I was told this was a costume party.
‐ He is talking words, but all
I hear is "beep boop boop"!
[laughter]
‐ Hello. I am Kim Jong‐un
from North Korea.
This is my guest, Soo Yun the ghost.
SOO YUN:
Hello, I'm Soo Yun. I'm a ghost.
I used to work on a dirt farm,
which I now haunt.
‐ Ooh! Very spooky!
Okay, who's next?
‐ I am Emperor Brain from Albrainia.
We are a startup dictatorship
in Eastern Europe.
You probably haven't heard of us,
but [laughs] you will.
Allow me to introduce my guest,
Pinky.
‐ Hello.
♪
‐ [clears throat] My apologies.
He's not normally this shy.
Uh, say, Pinky,
are you pondering what I'm pondering?
‐ No.
♪
[phone beeping]
[coughs]
‐ [whispering]:
What are you doing?
‐ [whispering]:
I'm just behaving like you said, Brain.
Don't wanna ruin your big night.
[sighs wearily]
‐ Uh, say, Pinky, uh,
why don't you tell everyone
about some of our attempts
to take over the world?
Like that time
we tried to hijack the Oscars,
and you foiled the plan by
switching out the Best Picture card
with your cheesecake recipe?
PINKY:
[laughs] Oh sure, Brain!
How about the time you made a robot
to help you take over the world,
but then it got smarter than you
and laughed at all your plans?
[laughter]
Right? I know! Or the time
you made a girl mouse smart
to help you run for President,
but then she got more votes than you did!
[laughter]
‐ [laughing] Beep bop boop!
‐ Oh! And one time,
you tried to go viral by dressing up
like a baby, and you said,
"Not the Himalayas! Not‐not the Himalayas!
Oh no, not the Himalayas!" [laughing]
‐ I remember that video!
[gasps] That was you?
[laughter]
‐ Okay, Pinky, I think
they've heard enough.
‐ But my all‐time favorite, bar none,
was when Brain built a fun little car
that drove all by itself,
and we got stuck inside,
and it drove us around and around.
And we played games!
And we talked about our feelings,
until the car found its vacuum girlfriend!
Priceless!
[laughter]
‐ Okay! Okay, that's enough.
Usually, I don't do this until later,
but I have already decide on winner.
Congratulations to
Pinky!
And his most foolish guest, Brain.
‐ Brain! We won! We won! What did we win?
‐ No, no, no, no, no.
There's been a mistake.
I am the dictator,
and Pinky is my foolish guest.
‐ We all know Albrainia
is fake country, Brain.
MADURO:
Hey, Brain,
are you pondering what I'm pondering?
[laughter]
‐ Ha ha.
I find it humorous that you would all
mock my plans for world domination,
when you can't even
get it right yourselves!
Kim Jong‐un,
you rob your country blind,
and all you can afford
is a five‐dollar haircut.
And on that subject, Putin,
what's receding faster?
Your sphere of influence or your hairline?
And Maduro. The only thing more inflated
than your ego is your currency.
Here's 10 million bolivar.
Go buy yourself a stick of gum,
you mouth‐breather!
‐ [sniveling] That was mean.
‐ And to your guests,
you were all brought here
to be made fun of!
[all gasp]
SOO YUN:
Is this true?
‐ Wow. That's very uncool of you guys.
"Benny Hill" style music playing ♪
[splattering]
‐ Whoa. Okay,
everyone need to take a pill of chill.
Get them.
‐ Party's over, Pinky.
Let's get outta here!
tense music playing ♪
[laughing]
‐ Ooh, look! A pressy circle! Press!
BRAIN: Why would they have
a button that does that?
[gasps]
‐ Dinner and a swim!
The perfect night out.
‐ Come, Pinky,
we must prepare for tomorrow night.
‐ Why, Brain? What are we
gonna do tomorrow night?
‐ The same thing we do every night, Pinky.
Try to take over the‐‐
[struggling]
‐ [laughing] Narf!
♪
[raining, thunder]
♪
[sighs]
‐ Well, looks like the company
picnic's gonna be canceled.
‐ Aw, man. But I love the company picnic!
They've got games and food
and games you play with food.
‐ Yeah. Even though we're never invited,
I really do look forward to
getting kicked out every year.
‐ Guess we could just watch
WebPix until the weather clears up.
‐ WebPix? Is that like Net‐‐
‐ Exactly! It's a streaming service,
loaded with thousands of the world's
finest TV shows and movies.
‐ With all those options,
how will we choose what to watch?
‐ Well, that's the best part!
Well, since every single thing
on WebPix is top notch,
we can just watch the first
thing that comes up.
[WebPix chime]
ominous music playing ♪
[bird chirping]
MALE NARRATOR:
Little Bo Peep
has lost her sheep.
[wind blowing]
But now, they're ba‐a‐ack for revenge.
[sheep baaing]
♪
Peep.
‐ Okay. Maybe not everything is top notch.
‐ Yeah! I'm all for
strong female characters,
but only if they fall in
love with cute boys.
‐ Maybe we're not looking
for the right stuff.
I've heard their comedy
specials are where it's at.
‐ So, uh,
my wife and I just had a kid.
[hysterical laughter]
‐ I have kids!
‐ So do I!
‐ I, too, have a child!
This guy's a genius!
[laughter continues]
‐ Thank you, Minneapolis.
You've been amazing.
‐ I can't wait to get my own
60‐minute comedy special.
‐ Hm, speaking of things nobody asked for,
here's another reality dating show
with a twisty premise.
[jet engines humming]
[beep]
CAPTAIN [over PA]: Ladies and gentlemen,
this is your captain speaking.
As you can see, the "fasten seatbelt"
sign has been turned off.
You are now free to move about the cabin,
and find the love of your life.
NARRATOR:
What if you only had one flight
to meet and marry your soulmate?
‐ Sheesh! What do you got in here, bricks?
‐ [chuckles] Yes, actually.
How did you know?
‐ [laughs] Bricks are, like,
one of my top things.
‐ Do you like long walks on the beach?
‐ Yes.
‐ Do you like sunsets?
‐ Yes.
‐ Did you order the kosher meal?
‐ No.
‐ Ooh, I'm out.
NARRATOR:
But, there's a twist.
If you don't fall in love,
you have to fall out of the plane.
[screaming]
♪
Dates On A Plane!
‐ Hm. Maybe we should try one
of their international dramas.
‐ Well, they've gotta be good
because people from other countries
have higher artistic standards than we do.
‐ It's true. That's why French movies
have so much French in them.
[beeping]
♪
[ding]
♪
[wind blowing]
[ding]
[dinging]
♪
[thud]
[sighs]
‐ Huh?
[squeaking]
[squeaking]
♪
[screams]
‐ I heard they're doing an American
version starring Tilda Swinton
as the computer she spilled tea on.
‐ Now, that's just typecasting!
‐ Gimme that!
There's gotta be something
interesting to watch on here!
Okay. "Critically acclaimed
by our in‐house critics."
Nice. "Based on true stories
inspired by fake events"
Okay "Romantic comedies
about serial killers" What?
"Because you watched a movie
about giraffes a year ago"?!
♪
‐ Can't take it anymore.
‐ Me neither.
Can't we just play food games
since we missed the company picnic?
‐ Oh, absolutely. We can do anything
as long as we don't scroll
through WebPix anymore.
I've had a little too much of
"the golden age of television."
[glass shatters]
[beep]
GIRL:
Should we watch that?
‐ Nah. Animaniacs is way too meta.
♪
♪