Ash vs Evil Dead (2015) s02e05 Episode Script

1 "Me-sar-tra.
" - [Amber hissing.]
- [Tyler screaming.]
- Ash? - Linda Bates.
Wow! This party is popping off, man.
[in distorted voice.]
I'm warning you.
[screams.]
BOY: Ashy Slashy's going to kill us all! Been a lot of weird shit happening around town lately.
We got to move.
If we do not get to my spawn before they raise Baal, I will not have the strength to fight him.
Ash! The Delta, it's possessed! We're going to die here.
This car's going to kill us.
[scraping.]
Pablo, our destinies are intertwined.
I had a vision.
This is how we get rid of the book for good.
- [Delta roaring.]
- [gasping.]
RUBY: The Necronomicon.
[whispering.]
It's gone.
Come on, Ash.
Let's go home.
[roaring.]
[eerie music playing.]
MARGIE: Lincoln 61, 10-23 over.
WOMAN OVER RADIO: 10-4.
Copy that, Margie.
Standby, over.
- [rattling.]
- [footsteps approaching.]
[door creaks open.]
- [door closing.]
- [shuddering.]
[whirring.]
[whispers.]
Jesus.
[squishing.]
Oh.
[clicks tongue.]
Oh.
BAAL: [whispering.]
Margie.
Margie.
Come to me.
[water dripping.]
[gasping.]
Polly, it's Margie, over at the Lounge.
I've got a situation here.
I need you and the sheriff to get over here as - [suspenseful music playing.]
- [radio beeping.]
WOMAN OVER RADIO: Come back Margie, say again? Step back, right now, or I'll shoot.
Margie, come back [in distorted voice.]
You don't need that.
Shh.
[growling.]
[heavy breathing.]
[Baal kissing.]
[sighing.]
[moaning.]
[moaning loudly.]
[splattering.]
VOICE OF BAAL: I'm not done with you yet.
[suspenseful music playing.]
- [dog barking.]
- [cat meowing.]
ASH: Once again I saved the world Now it's time to get the girl Time to go to the shop Get the car back Get on the road to Jack-son-ville Something, something, rhymes with Jacks Well, hello.
[clearing throat.]
"Linda, from the moment I saw you, "I realized, that you were one of the only Lindas for me.
" Yeah, that'll work.
Strap on the old chainsaw, give it a few revs, seal the deal! [chuckling.]
- Highway to Jackson - [siren wails.]
Ash Williams, you're under arrest for the murder of Amber Corey.
Okay, for starters, you can take your booger finger off that trigger [Ash groaning, grunting.]
Well, this is some grade-A stupidity.
This whole town should be thanking me.
[Sheriff Emery scoffs.]
Yeah, that's what I told them too! - Chet.
- Huh? They got you too? Yeah, but you know what? It was worth it.
Know why? Because we fought evil together, even if it was just for a minute.
- Chet Kaminski.
- Yeah.
Need your signature here.
You're being officially charged with drunk driving, and solicitation of a prostitute.
Again.
Mm-hm.
- [door buzzer sounding.]
- [scoffs.]
Oh, hey.
[chuckles.]
Um, Ash, Joanie.
Joanie, Ash.
Hey Joanie, how are you? JOANIE: [in deep voice.]
You know.
Itchy.
I know that feeling.
Chet, how are you? Itchy too.
Great work, Margie.
You got the perp in custody, and uh, I think we're looking at the murder weapon right here.
Take that down to the evidence locker.
I want to make sure we put this guy away for a long time.
- You got it, sir.
- [door opening.]
Daddy? Daddy.
- Baby? - Daddy! [Lacey crying.]
- You all right? - No.
I found her on the shower floor.
- What? - Doped up, and rambling about killer cars, and now Amber's mom is calling me, saying that her daughter's missing.
ASH: Hey, that's my phone call! - What? I-is that Ash? - I need a phone call! Uh-huh.
Thomas, what is going on around here? Don't worry about him.
Marge? I'll deal with him.
Oh, come on, let's get you down here on the couch.
- [suspenseful music playing.]
- [electricity buzzing.]
[door squeaking.]
- [squishing.]
- Ah.
[buttons beeping.]
Hey, I want a lawyer.
Then call one.
Who's gonna to stop you? Wow.
Are all lady cops as soft, and cuddly as you? Come on, handsome.
Phone's that way.
[Ash chuckling.]
Don't worry, Chet.
I'll send you a fruitcake.
CHET: Oh, great.
What? - You've got five, sugar.
- Oh, I got eight.
But I know how to make it feel like five.
- [Margie scoffing.]
- [banging.]
Hey, lady cop.
Phone's dead.
[Margie whistling.]
- [phone ringing.]
- [suspenseful music playing.]
Hello? BAAL OVER PHONE: They call you the Jefe? Who is this? Let's see what you're made of.
[dial tone beeping.]
LACEY: Dad, you're not listening to me.
SHERIFF EMERY: Listen baby, we're all here.
happens when you're told you Excuse me.
We're looking for Ash Williams? We heard he got arrested.
That's right.
- KELLY: Ah! - Yeah.
Howdy, cowboy.
Keeping dry? Uh, what is she talking about? I, uh Just tell us where Ash is, dipshit.
I'm right here.
There is some bad juju in this place, and we've got Hey, good looking.
You here to break me out, or break me in? Don't move.
Margie! What do you mean, there's "bad juju?" Hey! That means you too.
Nobody move! - Whoa.
- I'll explain later.
Right now we got to lock, load, and regroup.
- Oh.
- Oh.
- [siren wails.]
- [car alarm sounding.]
- Oh, come on now.
- Oh, Christ.
- [Ash grunting.]
- [all gasping.]
What do you got, huh! - Oh jeez.
- Oh my God! What do you got, ah! - [eerie music playing.]
- [woman gasping.]
What the fuck is that?! Lady cop? - [skin splattering.]
- [women gasping.]
Margie? You son of a bitch! - [Sheriff Emery grunting.]
- [gunshot.]
It's not Ash.
Then who was it? [whispering.]
He's here.
Who's where? Give me your keys.
- [gun cocks.]
- Now.
Okay.
Okay.
- I got it.
- [rattling.]
Slower, please.
I'll lock it down.
You got any prisoners back there? - Yes.
- Go get them.
I want everyone in plain sight.
[door beeping.]
Okay, uh, obviously I know exactly what's going on, but for the sake of these people, uh, maybe you should explain? There's a demon in here, and I'm going to kill him before he kills all of us.
RUBY: His name is Baal, and right now he's hidden among us.
Exactly, think that covers the basics.
You see, Baal jumps from person to person.
Wearing their skin.
Okay, I-I think we got it.
And right now, he could be in any one of you.
So nobody leaves until he's dead.
This can't be happening, this can't be real.
Well I'm sorry, sweetheart, but it's true.
- Demons are real.
- Damn straight.
I seen it.
- Sit down.
- [man groaning.]
Th-this is insane.
Mom.
[heavy breathing.]
Look Mom, look, they're telling the truth, okay? There was an evil car that ran down my friends, and a talking book.
Just one man brave enough to defeat them all.
- Thank you.
- I meant Pablo.
Hm? I don't know what you did to my daughter Ash Williams, but I don't need a firearm to kick your ass.
Okay, clearly the demon is inside of this walking penis.
Just give me the gun, I'll take care of him, we'll go for pancakes.
Sorry Ash, could just as easily be you.
Hey, come on, sister.
What's the deal? Same team.
Can't take that risk.
You see, this is what Baal wants.
RUBY: For us all to start fighting among ourselves.
He locks us in a cage, turns us into animals, and watches us devour one another, and then when we're done, he comes on in, and picks off whoever's left.
Okay, so how do we deal with this Bill guy, because I can't stop thinking about pancakes.
- It's Baal.
- It's Baal.
Oh, Jesus.
We need the Kandarian dagger.
- Where is it? - Oh, someone confiscated it.
Tell me where it is.
Okay.
It's in the evidence locker.
It's just down those stairs.
[Sheriff Emery grunting.]
SHERIFF EMERY: Now take it easy.
- [gunshot.]
- [Emery and Lacey screaming.]
- Daddy! - Jesus! - LACEY: Dad! - [Sheriff Emery groaning.]
Oh, my God! It's hot.
All yours.
MAN: Okay, okay.
We're all dead, aren't we? Hey, we'll get through this, all right? - [suspenseful music playing.]
- [heavy breathing.]
- [electricity buzzing.]
- [door unlocking.]
[growling.]
- [clattering.]
- [gasping.]
- [metallic clanking.]
- [woman whimpering.]
[gasps.]
Please! Don't kill me! Get up! [Polly gasping, crying.]
Okay, I need to get in here.
Do you know the code? Well, enter it.
[beeping.]
[door unlocking.]
All right, you can get out of here.
[whispering.]
Thank you.
- [suspenseful music playing.]
- [door beeping.]
[electricity buzzing.]
What happened? Did you guys see? [indistinct whispering.]
I need to talk to you guys for a second.
[Pablo clearing throat.]
[Pablo sighing.]
So, um, I got a problem.
- [gasping.]
- Whoa.
[whispering.]
Holy shit.
It's not what you think.
It-it feels like something inside of me that's trying to come out.
It hurts, and Whoa.
Wh-what if it's Baal? What if I'm Baal, guys? ASH: No, don't.
Come on, buddy.
That's just a rash.
I mean, I've had a million rashes in all kinds of funky places, you know? My armpit, my-my gonads, my-my butt crack, my butt cheek Hey, Ash, I'm leaving.
[grunting.]
Whoa.
You're not going anywhere, numbnuts.
You're not the boss of me.
Anyone consider it might be in this chick? Hey, Ash, I think you really need to tell your friend to shut the fuck up.
You know what? Maybe it's in him.
JOANIE: He looks skeezy as shit.
CHET: Hey, Ash.
How well do you really know the Mexican, anyway? Hey, he's not "the Mexican," okay? He's Pablo.
Pablo the Mexican.
[Pablo chuckles.]
Yeah, kind of like you're Chet, - Chet the dumb, white guy.
- No! That's a little racist, Pablo.
- Apology? - You're all crazy.
- [growling.]
- [electricity buzzing.]
SHERIFF EMERY: There's no goddamn demon.
It's just this asshole.
Ashy Slashy, back to kill us all.
He's not Ashy Slashy.
Excuse me? He-he's the good guy.
He fights against these things.
His friend shoots me in the leg, and you're on his side? No, Dad, he's on our side.
That's horsecrap, you better smarten up young lady And you better lay off her, or I'll pop you one.
Again.
You put down the gun, and try it.
Um, what happened between the two of you? - Stay out of this.
- Thomas.
Honey, this isn't you.
You're-you're hurt, you're upset I said shut up.
Hey, easy cowboy.
How do we know it isn't you? For one thing, I haven't killed anyone lately.
Yeah, that's right.
Your friend, Ash, had a visit with Amber.
Cut her head off.
- [gasping.]
- [faint growling.]
Is it true? Oh, honey, of course not.
[Ash chuckling nervously.]
It's complicated.
Oh God, Ash.
It is you, isn't it? - No! No! - I say we fucking kill him now! Calm down, cupcake.
- All right, all right.
- [knife clattering.]
All right, everyone just calm the fuck down.
Ruby said that this would happen.
That we'd turn into animals, and rip each other's throats out.
And you know what, that's exactly what Baal wants.
But it's not safe here.
[Ash chuckling.]
Come on, Linda.
I'm still the same Ash, used to take you out for burgers every Friday night.
Remember? Carving our initials in the bleachers, - [Linda chuckling.]
- having our first kiss in your mom's Volvo.
[laughing.]
That wasn't me.
- Chevy? - Nope.
- K-car? - Oh, my God.
- Pinto? - I'm just CHET: Ash, hey, man.
You know what I said about sticking with you? - Yeah.
- Till the wheels fall off? - Sure.
- Well, um you know, if what Emery says is true then - see you, buddy.
- Uh, Chet! There's no way I'm a demon! - You got that?! - Uh, no.
- Let's take a vote.
- Yeah, let's do that! If you think Ash is the demon, raise your hand.
God! - [Pablo yelling.]
- [loud growling.]
Pablo? - [clattering.]
- [electricity buzzing.]
How are you not scared? As long as we got that dagger, we have a chance.
What are you doing? [speaking softly.]
You are scared, aren't you? It's written all over your face.
[speaking softly.]
I don't get scared.
[Polly chuckling.]
Of course you do.
You're only human.
- [tool clattering.]
- [growling.]
Well, actually Shh.
You're not fooling anyone, Ruby.
[both breathing heavily.]
[Ruby moaning.]
You're safe now.
You don't have to be scared anymore.
[squishing.]
[groaning.]
[yelling.]
Hey, toots.
Long time, no see.
[electricity crackling, banging.]
[Baal sighs.]
That's better.
You always liked me in black.
Come to Daddy.
[shrieking.]
Now you don't mind if I take this, do you? [Ruby gasping.]
Now we had a deal, remember? - [Ruby yelling.]
- [banging.]
[breathlessly.]
I remember.
I remem [speaking softly.]
You murdered them.
You betrayed me.
I-I Oh, what? Oh, you think you could keep your mortality a secret, huh? [gasps.]
You were so beautiful.
Now you're growing old.
Like these maggots.
And you're going to die, slowly.
Like these maggots.
Maybe.
But first, I'm going to send you back to hell where you belong.
And how exactly? The Necronomicon was gone, and I'm up here.
I'm here to stay, Ruby, and you get to watch me burn your world to the ground.
[whispering.]
Never.
- [Ruby yelling, grunting.]
- [banging.]
How are you going to stop me? You think your precious Jefe is going to be the savior of humanity? You get to watch me break him.
[Ruby gasps.]
I'd love to tell you more, but I got to scat, alley cat.
[Baal inhales sharply.]
- [evil laughter.]
- [wind blowing.]
I feel it spreading, Jefe.
- It hurts.
- [indistinct whispering.]
I can feel it spreading all over my body, guys.
[indistinct whispering.]
Is there any pain killers in this thing? - Dad, no! - Fuck! Stay back! I don't want to hurt you.
Yet.
[Sheriff Emery grunting, groaning.]
Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, don't-don't hurt him! Hand that gun over, before you do something really stupid.
[speaking softly.]
Is it you? The truth is I don't know.
I'll see you in hell.
- No! - [Pablo yelling.]
Wait, wait, wait, uh, wait, wait, wait.
You're-you're not thinking straight.
Uh, he-he might be innocent.
No.
Thomas, yes.
No.
Someone's got to restore law and order to this place.
No, but you can't just kill him! VOICE OF BAAL: Yes, you can.
- [faint growling.]
- [electricity buzzing.]
Don't you ever shut the fuck up?! [Lacey and Linda gasping.]
- Oh my God.
- Thomas.
Oh, baby, I'm sorry.
- [both yelling.]
- [banging.]
[splattering.]
- [roaring.]
- [all screaming.]
- [Ash yelling.]
- [meat body roaring.]
Lady cop! Ash! - [groaning.]
- [copy machine whirring.]
LACEY: No Dad, no, no! - [Sheriff Emery yelling.]
- [all gasping.]
- Thomas! - Dad?! [meat body growling.]
[Linda screams.]
Mom! Jefe! Whoa! - [bones cracking.]
- [Joanie screaming.]
- [Lacey and Kelly shrieking.]
- [meat body growling.]
- [Lacey shrieks.]
- [blood splattering.]
- Uh - Fuck.
[whimpering.]
Oh, my God! Joanie! No! Oh, God.
You were so giving! Mom? Mom?! - [Ash panting.]
- [Lacey screams.]
Oh, my God Mom? Mom? Where's Mom? Linda! SHERIFF EMERY: Linda! - LACEY: Mom?! - SHERIFF EMERY: Linda! LACEY: Mom, where are you?! [eerie music playing.]
LINDA: Help! Someone get me out of here! [electricity buzzing.]
Ash! Ash! Oh! - Linda, thank God you're okay.
- Oh, boy.
Get you out of there in no time, baby.
- [meat body roaring.]
- [Linda and Ash screaming.]
[Ash grunting.]
- [meat body roaring.]
- Stop it! [high-pitched shrieking.]
- [meat body growling.]
- [Ash grunting.]
- [shotgun cocking.]
- [both groaning.]
- [growling.]
- [Ruby and Linda gasping.]
- [chainsaw buzzing.]
- [Ash screaming.]
[gasping.]
- [dramatic music playing.]
- [Ash grunting.]
- [shuddering.]
- [heavy breathing.]
Don't worry, Linda.
I'll get you out of there, no matter how long it takes! Ash, catch! - [jingling.]
- [sighs.]
[Sheriff Emery groaning.]
Linda, are you all right? [speaking softly.]
I messed up.
I know that, and I'm sorry.
SHERIFF EMERY: But I'm here now, and I'll keep you, and Lacey safe.
- I swear! - Don't touch me.
- Honey.
- It's over! Your mother drove a Volkswagen.
Yeah, and you stole it.
- And crashed it.
- Damn right I did.
But you know what, it's not my fault, because I was totally wasted.
[Ash chuckling.]
PABLO: Ugh, what's happening to me?! - [clanging.]
- [Linda grunts.]
- [suspenseful music playing.]
- [Pablo retching.]
[gasping.]
Get it out of me! Please! Please, make it stop! Oh, I think he's dying! - [Pablo screaming.]
- [Lacey whimpering.]
Stay calm, Pablo.
It's okay.
It's okay.
- [wailing.]
- [squishing.]
Is that Sumerian? It ain't French.
- [grunting.]
- [squishing continues.]
I told you I'm him.
[panting.]
I'm Baal! No Pablo, you're not Baal.
You're our only hope of stopping him.
[groaning.]
[wailing echoing.]
You're the Poetry Man You make things all rhyme, yeah, yeah [vocalizing.]
Yeah, yeah, yeah Ooh, yeah Ooh, yeah, yeah