Awkward s02e05 Episode Script

Previously on Awkward You think I'm trying to lure you away from Jake? Yes! Matty's been acting weird lately.
- Have you noticed? - Truce.
- Truce.
I had faith that Matty and I had potential to be friends.
Love is a sham! Jealousy always had a way of bringing out the worst in people.
Amy! I gave you my heart, my soul, my sweatshirt! I gave her that sweatshirt.
- Bad breakup? - 10.
5 on the dick-ter scale.
Tony caught Amy with Levi at his sister's quinceanera.
Ouch.
Wasn't that party over a month ago? Clearly, the fact that it was Valentine's Day was giving Tony PTXD-- Post traumatic ex disorder.
I hate this holiday.
V-day had divided the school into lovers and haters, and I was a lover.
'Cause for the first time, my dad wasn't my only Valentine.
I finally had no reason to hate on hallmark because I had a perfect boyfriend.
There was nothing to be jealous about.
I was gonna enjoy the day Love sucks! As a human target.
Nice look.
I was the victim of a love-hate crime.
The price you pay for PDA.
Anyway, I need some advice.
What makes the perfect date for a Valentine? So Jake had sent Matty over to get some covert intel.
Well, someplace close is good.
Keep it local.
Got it.
And it's kind of a buzzkill if you need a translator - to read the menu.
- And not too fancy.
And very important-- The place should be quiet, so you can talk.
I'd highly recommend Bisto's.
- What about flowers? - Flowers are great.
But not carnations or anything with baby's breath.
- Does that smell like boobs? - Gross.
Personally, I prefer tulips.
Hey, sorry I had to kiss and run.
I left something for you in my car.
What's up? Nothing.
I gotta go.
- All right.
- Later.
So here's the something that I forgot.
Oh! You didn't have to.
- I've always loved - Love.
- Beetles? - It's a love bug.
You know, like a bug that brings Never mind.
So tonight I was thinking, uh, pick you up at about 7:00? Does that give you enough time to get ready? - I'm sorry.
- What? Why? The bug.
It was an impulse buy.
I promise, tonight, everything will be better.
It's adorable.
I love my bug.
So Matty and that freshman-- Are they dating? Dating? No.
He's about to hook, line, and sink her.
Right.
Dating is so not Matty.
Which wasn't entirely true.
We had gone on a date.
Maybe he just didn't tell you? Nah.
He'd tell me.
Besides, Valentine's Day is sappy, and that kid does not do sappy.
I hate skanks.
And sentimentality.
Ugh, all this V-day crap is making me nauseous.
You're such a scrooge.
Scrooge hated Christmas, dip-hole.
I don't know what you're so amped up about.
You're single.
And you're mean.
And single.
So tonight, I was thinking we could kick off our carbs-only movie marathon with a classic love story-- In your honor-- Like mean girls.
As pathetic as that sounds, I think I'm just gonna stay home.
But it's tradition.
Maybe it's a heavy flow day.
I don't know.
I'm just feeling especially bitchy today.
And how is that different from every other day? He gave you a cockroach? It's a love bug.
I swear, Valentine's is totally racist against single people! It's just a toy that he probably got at the car wash.
Don't try to climb into our love ghetto.
You know Jake is gonna plan something fantasmic for you tonight.
He probably commissioned a portrait of you guys made entirely out of skittles.
Who wants to eat their own face? Uh, I do.
But instead I'll be planted in front of my DVR doing shots of cyanide with you.
Not this year.
I'm going to the BHP.
The black hearts party? What is that? Only the event for the single and bitter! What time are we rolling in? It shouldn't be too early, yet it shouldn't be too late because it's a school night.
T, you might want to skip this one.
Why? Who's more single and bitter than me? Well, besides Tony.
Trust me, you don't want to go.
- Trust me, I do.
- You can't! Ricky's going to be there.
And he's in love.
I call shenanigans.
People are talking.
Let me tell you something about Ricky Schwartz.
The only time he uses the "L" word is for burritos and lesbian porn.
Besides, if he fell in love that fast, then I meant nothing to him, and that is not possible.
Jenna, confirm.
This is what exes do.
They make up rumors to get into your head, to screw with you.
I'm right, right? Right.
About Ricky.
But that rule doesn't apply to all exes.
Matty and I don't play head games.
Or did we? Have you guys seen that girl Matty's been hanging out with? - Yes.
- Yes.
Do you think she's attractive? - Yes.
- Yes.
I guess, if you're into a lot of makeup.
What? I'm just curious as to what she's hiding under all that.
Nobody likes a green-eyed monster.
I'm not jealous.
My friends are allowed to make new friends.
It's just that this new friend doesn't really meet my old friend's standards.
So the new friend is super rad? No.
Then why do you seem so jealous? Just because someone seems jealous doesn't mean they are.
Actually, it probably does.
And I get it.
It is not fun to feel replaced.
Ironically, Val had become a lot more insightful since she left the guidance office.
Don't feel threatened.
Your mom and I were just being buds when we went out for a girls night last week.
You hung out with my mom? Really, Jenna, it was just dinner between two friends.
But the feelings you're having are normal.
Don't you worry.
I will never put you in the backseat.
As far as I'm concerned, you got permanent shotgun.
Great.
One more thing.
Sorry.
That's not for you.
Saving that for Alok.
Lost a little bit of the "K.
" But we french kiss, so he won't mind.
This one is for you.
You'll always be my BFF-- Stands forever.
So I made the usual reservation at the Red Onion for our Valentine's dinner.
Hate to break it to you, but I have a real date tonight.
Oh, actually it doesn't look like you hated breaking that to me at all.
Bet mom's not doing anything tonight.
Take her out and finally have a Valentine's dinner without your annoying kid tagging along.
Not this year, kiddo.
What a surprise! I didn't know you were picking Jenna up today.
It's a little hard to keep track of everything with so much on my plate.
Like what? Like all of my events with all of my new friends.
The old friend bit.
She was posturing.
How about you? Nope.
Not much to tell.
Except that our daughter's home safe And I'm gonna go.
Happy Valentine's Day, Lace.
You too! Lots to do? Like what? Hang out with my old guidance counselor? You know what? I bet there's a good Lifetime marathon on tonight.
So why don't you watch that and give me the play-by-play when I get home from my date? Or you can catch the end with me when you're home by 10:00.
I'm sorry I didn't open the door for you.
This whole curfew thing is really throwing off my timetable for the night.
I just really want everything to be perfect.
And it already is.
Starting with the great restaurant.
Thanks to my suggestion.
Thought you'd like it.
Good food, not too noisy, so we can, uh-- - Talk? - Exactly.
- Rosati for two.
- Yeah.
I've got the perfect table.
The maitre D' was wrong.
And so was Jake.
Not only was Matty dating, he was on my date.
Wow! This is a - A coincidence.
- Or a total setup.
I could smell a rat.
Or was it the scent of a cheap, freshman Barbie? Is there a problem? I requested a window table.
Unfortunately, we are booked solid.
I guess we're sitting.
Hey, you guys haven't met.
Courtney.
Jake.
- Hi.
- Hi.
- And this is The girl he deflowered at summer camp.
Jenna.
Nice to meet you guys.
Matty, this place is so romantic.
Ooh.
Good thing your ass is small.
You almost stained my skirt.
Yeah, good thing.
And good thing I dumped her date, or her ass would have been firmly planted on her couch.
- Alone.
- I'm really sorry.
I was hoping for something a little more private.
It's fine.
Because we were mature.
Well, most of us.
I can talk to the host again.
Let's just focus on us.
We won't even know they're here.
Are you gonna use that extra napkin? - Thanks.
- Mm.
Tell me this.
If Ricky's so in love, why is he at a singles party? The mafia is never wrong.
Quick, act cross-faded.
Hey, Ming.
Tamara.
'Sup? Did you see that? He just breezed on by like I was invisible.
No, he saw you.
He said your name.
Exactly.
My name, not "beautiful" or "babe.
" He is absolutely fucking with me, but the joke is on him because I don't care.
Now help me find someone to dry hump.
Are you sure you don't want to send it back? I can just eat around them.
Oh, not a good idea.
Here, give them to me.
Yeah.
Oh, little chicken there.
She's allergic.
You're allergic? A little.
I've mentioned it before.
Yeah, she has.
Otherwise, how would I know? You gotta try this.
Mmm.
Look, let me get you something else.
- Waiter? - No, no, no.
I'm fine with breadsticks.
See? Ahh.
Oh, uh, you know what? I'll take one.
Jake, no, no, no, don't worry, I don't want one.
- I want to.
- It's such a waste.
Una rosa, por favor.
Actually, they are really pretty.
First tulips and now this? Do you want me to chase her down? I can do that.
Bizatch.
Not only had she crashed my perfect date, but she'd also snaked my perfect flowers, which I suddenly realized were glaringly absent from my night.
Yeah, the ziti's pretty good, but I gotta be honest, not as good as mine.
You cook? - That's hilarious.
- Excuse me? You can't even cook a pop-tart, bro.
Uh, who made that amazing french toast last weekend? - Your mom.
- After I set her up.
That's ridiculous.
- Have you ever used a whisk? - Isn't he cute? I can't believe I'm on a date with Matty McKibben! Either way, it doesn't matter-- And neither could I.
Normally, eyeliner's really fem, but yours makes me feel emo-sexual.
Whatever, Twilight.
Choose a gender.
Can you believe that guy? Holy photo op.
I just realized this is your first red cup! Or black cup.
Whatever.
We need to tweet this asap.
Hey, can you pixelize us? All right.
Say, "love sucks.
" - Love sucks.
- Love sucks.
Ricky Schwartz at 10:00.
I need some lips to smack stat.
She's always like that.
I've suggested electroconvulsive therapy but I'll just take that back now.
No, the spaz is right.
This moment needs to be immortalized.
I'm Fred Wu, by the way.
Ming.
Well, Ming-just-Ming Smile.
- Butta teeth.
- Butta teeth? Everything looked good but the teeth.
I am totally shooting in the dark here.
Where are the damn lights? Nobody move.
Anish Bhatia by the door.
Easy target.
No, they had no defense, Jake! But offense is what gets you in the playoffs.
- Okay, come here.
- It's-- okay.
See This is your offense.
Nothing, little-- They're n-nothing.
That doesn't even make any-- Hey, I'm sorry.
Going on about some stupid game when I have the real prize right here.
It was sweet.
We were sweet.
And suddenly, it didn't matter that my night had been hijacked.
I had Jake, who would hold my hand in public.
Courtney was never gonna get that from Matty.
Okay, so maybe not never.
Oh! Oh.
Oh.
But he was still hiding her.
Right out in the open.
Matty wasn't hiding his feelings.
Waiter, we need some ice.
He was flaunting them, and I was totally jealous.
Aw, it's already starting to swell.
Yeah, that sounded like that really hurt.
It's fine, just give me a minute.
Well, I'm gonna get some ice.
T, you were so right.
I'm no more evolved with Matty than you are with Ricky.
He's here on my date with his own date, and I just don't know what to say.
I put some ice in a napkin.
Sorry if there's some Diet Coke on it.
- Thanks.
- No, no, thank you For all the pointers.
Courtney seems like she's having a good time, right? Suddenly, it all made sense.
The restaurant, the tulips, the public display of digital connection.
Matty was trying to make me jealous.
I just, um-- I just didn't want to screw things up with her like I did with you.
Hey, you okay? Only time would tell.
What am I doing? I have spent my whole night trying to out-douche a douche who isn't even here anymore.
Jealousy is not a good color on me.
And neither is red on you.
Red? You've got full-on beer blush happening.
Wait.
What else is happening? Am I fucking-blocking? - Yes.
- Yes.
Well, wrap it up.
I gotta pee, and then we're outty 5,000.
Oh, gotta pee.
Excuse me, sorry.
Really gotta pee okay, excuse me.
Look, I get that what's going on in there doesn't involve the kind of bodily functions we all need to perform, but that's what cars are made for.
Seriously, I drank two bitter pills and three bloody cupids, and I need to pee! Ricky? Ming! Car, now! - It was fun.
- Be honest.
On a scale of one to ten, I figure I'm batting about a negative 60 right now? Stop it.
It's for me.
From my dad.
Guy's got crap taste.
Tonight was amazing.
And these flowers-- What are they? Calla lilies.
Strong but beautiful.
They reminded me of you.
So much better than tulips.
Tulips? Tulips.
Should I have gotten you tulips? How many more ways can I screw up this day? The real question was, how many ways could I? I almost let my jealousy ruin the night 'cause Jake never asked Matty to get intel about what I wanted.
He didn't have to.
He just knew.
- You didn't screw up anything.
- No, I did.
I've been a nervous wreck all day and botching everything because - This was the best date ever.
- I love you, Jenna.
What? I love you.
Awesome.
Yeah.
Um Happy Valentine's Day.
You're late.
And don't even bother showing me what he gave you.
I don't want to see it.
I could have and maybe should have rubbed my V-day booty in my mother's face, but I wasn't heartless.
Actually, this was at the door for you.
It's from dad.
Really? Good night, mom.
What is it? A beetle.
Love.
- Jenna.
- T, what are you-- Ricky's in love with Sadie.
Am I really so hideous that - he'd choose Darth Hater over me? - What? Screw Ricky Schwartz.
But Ricky is-- No buts.
You're amazing.
If he wants to be with Sadie, let him.
They deserve each other.
It's just really hard when someone you care about moves on before you do.
It was.
I had moved on with Jake, so why shouldn't Matty move on too? What if nobody ever loves me? Hey, I love you.
Yeah, but nobody good loves me.
T, why are you wearing my pants? I peed in mine.