Back to the Future (1991) s02e05 Episode Script

73408 - Verne's New Friend

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING) MAN: (SINGING) Tell me, Doctor, where are we going this time? Is this the '50s Or 1999? All I wanted to do, Was play my guitar and sing So take me away, I don't mind But you better promise me I'll be back in time Gotta get back in time I'll be back in time Gotta get back in time The science teacher took a drink, but he will drink no more, for what he thought was H20 was H2S04.
Ah! Good old H20, or water, as most call it.
H2S04, on the other manual appendage, is sulfuric acid, a colorless, odorless liquid that looks just like water, but it's poison! Emmett L.
Brown here, pointing out that things are not always what they appear to be.
My youngest son, Verne, learned that very lesson not terribly long ago.
He was playing ball with his pals, strictly a guys-only game JEREMY: I'll play third base.
Course I'm shortstop, 'cause I'm the best.
Who wants to play first? I do! And Stephanie wants to be catcher.
Get lost! Girls can't play ball.
You're just scared we'll make you look bad, which in your case wouldn't be hard.
Why don't you go fix your hair! (SNICKERING) And polish your nails and practice your clarinet! (MIMICKING GIRL'S VOICE) "Oh, no, I can't practice my clarinet.
"My nails are all wet.
" Verne's the one who's all wet.
And his game's about to be rained out.
(ALL EXCLAIMING) Hit the showers, punks.
Hey, batter, batter, batter batter, batter, batter! I got it! (FOOTSTEPS) (CRASHING) Whoa, nice heave! Man, you got a great arm! Wanna play on my team? Sure! Come on, pal, a hit wins the game! (BELL TOLLING) Holy baloney! It's outta here! (ALL CHEERING) VERNE: Feel my omni Omnipo, omnipop CHRIS: Omnipotent wrath, O slimy one! Who're you callin' slimy? No, that's what it says.
I can't believe they got the first issue of Mega-Cindy! Hey, you kids, this ain't the library, you know.
And don't smudge that comic book, it's a first edition Mega-Cindy.
We're not buyin' somethin' if we don't know how it ends.
You wanna go halves on this one? Yeah! Can you loan me my half? We want to get this, please.
My folks are always tellin' me to read more.
That'll be, um How much you got? Hmm, exactly right! (CHEWING LOUDLY) VERNE: Hey, we need a bag! This is a first edition.
We're outta bags.
Wrap it up in this old poster and get outta here.
Mondo cool poster! "The Bob Brothers All-Star International Circus! "Hill Valley fairgrounds, April 7th through the 10th.
"Death-defying aerialists, lions, tigers"! And bears! Twitchin! I wonder if they got any of those glow-in- the-dark necklaces? Necklaces? Or maybe those souvenir swords.
Hey, mister, where do we get tickets? (LAUGHING) You little boobs.
The poster's from 1933, and that flea-bitten circus went out of business years ago.
(GULPING AND GURGLING) (STOMACH RUMBLING) Oh! VERNE: Bummer! CHRIS: About the Bob Brothers going out of business? That, and I stepped in some bubble gum.
I was so stoked to see that circus and now we can't.
Well, maybe we can.
Listen, can you keep a secret? MARTY: Hey, here's one for you, Doc.
A five-letter word describing the collapse of the stock market.
DOC: Wrench, Marty.
Uh, no good, Doc.
Wrench has six letters.
(CRASHING) Ahhh! Hey, (LAUGHS) that's it, "crash.
" Thanks, Doc! DOC: Adjusting the carburetor should improve gas mileage.
All I need's a paper clip.
Check under the back seat, will ya, Marty? Remember, you gave your solemn pinky swear not to divulge what you are about to see.
CHRIS: You know how to work a car? VERNE: I've been driving since I was eight.
CHRIS: Won't your dad be mad we took his car? He lets me do it all the time.
Ahhh! I'm sorry, Pop! I'll never do it again! Please don't ground me! Chris made me do it! Oh, hi, Marty.
Whatcha doin'? Uh, a crossword puzzle.
But I should know better than to do one in a moving car.
CHRIS: What happened? We just traveled through time.
We're in 1933.
Yeah, right.
Man, where's the junior high? Vernie told you, we're in 1933.
Hey, Vernie, why are we in 1933? 'Cause we're lookin' for the circus.
(TIRES SQUEALING) (ALL SCREAMING) (ELEPHANT TRUMPETING) MARTY: I think it just found us! DOC: Back to the Facts.
(DOC READING) DOC: And now, back to the future! (ELEPHANT TRUMPETING) Arnold, put that down! You don't know where it's been.
(CRASHING) Look! Step right up and get your tickets for the Bob Brothers All-Star International Circus! Death-defying acts, thrills, chills Whoa! and spills! Hmm, popular show.
(BAND PLAYING OUT OF TUNE) That band's missin' only one thing.
Musicians! (GROANING) Too bad I didn't bring my guitar.
I play a pretty mean flute.
You play anything, Verne? Uh, video games.
Ladies and gentlemen! Boys and girls! Well, I guess that covers everybody.
I'm Robert.
And I'm Brother Bob.
(IN UNISON) And this is the Bob Brothers All-Star International Circus! These guys are the stinkin' worst! Back, back! (SNORING) Wake up, wake up! (TEETH CHATTERING) (ALL YAWNING) That lion must've seen this act.
You guys are gonna love this bit.
The kooky car door opens and dozens of clowns pile out.
(CHUCKLES) It's a laugh riot! I was fibbing when I said those ringmasters were the stinkin' worst.
Yeah, I can't believe we traveled 60 years for this.
Unfortunately, we must cancel our final act.
Due to a slight occupational hazard, our human cannonball will not be able to perform.
Unless we can find a volunteer from the crowd.
Someone who's willing to travel.
Peanuts! Get your peanuts! Hey, over here, buddy! We have our cannonball! Uh, shouldn't we check the weather report? (METALLIC CLANK) (STUTTERING) They may have grounded all flights.
BOB: Happy ROBERT:landing! At least they didn't say "break a leg"! (SCREAMING) How convenient.
Now all I have to do is drive myself to the hospital.
Well, I've got good news and bad news.
Give us the bad news first.
(COUGHING) When I crashed into the car, the carburetor cracked.
What's the good news? This crack isn't nearly as bad as that circus.
So, just fix the car-burger-eater.
It's "carburetor.
" MARTY: I'm tryin' to fix it.
If only I had a paper clip.
Hey, I think I might have a bobby pin.
Bobby pin? Yeah, they're good for fixin' all sorts of stuff.
You are one smart dude! Here you go, Marty.
CLOWN: (LAUGHS) Show time! (SQUEAKING) This car needs more work than I thought.
VERNE: (COUGHING) Come on, Chris, let's take a powder.
VERNE: Hey, look, a hole in the tent.
CHRIS: They'd better fix that, or somebody could sneak in.
You mean sneak out.
MAN: I've got new rules, you twin twerps.
If you want to keep using my farmland for your little circus show, you gotta pay me double, Bob.
My name's Robert! Besides, we had a deal! Well, I'm shufflin' the deck, and it's comin' up aces for me.
Another Tannen? That clown belongs in a circus.
Let's get a better look, in case there's a fight.
MAC: Listen, I don't wanna get rough with you, Robert.
No! I'm Bob! Whoever, I want my cashola by tomorrow! (SCREAMING IN UNISON) (THUDDING) (BOTH SCREAMING) (SCREAMING CONTINUES) (CRANKING) (TIRES SCREECHING) (CLATTERING) (SEALS BARKING) (ALL SCREAMING) (MAC GRUNTING) Phew, I'm beat.
VERNE: Look out! (RIPPING) (CRUNCHING) (YELPING IN PAIN) Watch out for that fence! (BRAKES SCREECHING) (BOTH SCREAMING) Man, you drive like a girl.
You take that back! Cleopatra! Poor little baby-waby! Did the baddy-waddy widdle boys frighten Daddy's itty-bitty piggy-wiggy? This guy makes me want to blow my chowy-wowy.
That does it.
Now, thanks to your little circus punks, I want triple money plus damages.
How much more damage does this goon want? And I want it by tomorrow night.
(OINKING) Hmm, good idea, Cleo.
Or we're takin' over your circus! Maureen, these boys'll be helping out for a few days! Till they pay for the damage they caused to Mr.
Tannen's farm! We didn't do nothin'! We didn't do "anything.
" That's what I said! Uh, excuse me, sir, uh, buddy.
Could you hand me the phillips-head screwdriver? Whoa! Who are you calling buddy? Hey, if you don't know what a phillips-head screwdriver looks like, just say so! I just made up my mind.
I'm never running away to join the circus.
We could pay the Bob Brothers back quicker if you'd pitch in and help.
(SLURPIN AND TRUMPETING) CHRIS: See? Even Arnold agrees.
Hey, I got an idea how we can really pay 'em back fast! (LIGHT SNORING) (CROWD CLAMORING) VERNE: Circus! VERNE: Tickets! Get your free tickets! CHRIS: It's free! But you can't quit! Your high-wire act is our biggest attraction! Sorry, Mr.
Brothers, but this job as telephone line women is just too good to pass up.
That does it! Looks like we turn over the circus to Old Mac Tannen! Nobody's gonna show up for tonight's performance, anyway! (CROWD CLAMORING) (IN UNISON) What in Pike's Peaches? We gave away free tickets.
You what? Yeah, we figure you'll make lots of moolah selling snow cones, caramel apples and tacky souvenirs.
(BOTH SOBBING) Our first sell-out in months! And our trapeze act just quit! Where are we gonna get another act like the Funicello Sisters? (BOTH SOBBING) Hey, Bob Brothers, chill! Chris and I are like brothers.
We can do anything any old girls can do.
That's stupendous! You're on in 10 minutes! (MIMICKING) "We can do anything any old girls can do.
" (NORMAL VOICE) Thank you very little! DOC: Back to the Facts.
(DOC READING) DOC: And now, back to the future! MARTY: You two are nuts.
Doc invented these booster belts to wax the roof of his car without a ladder.
Yeah, but this is an emergency.
How do we look? (CHUCKLES) Pretty silly.
Especially with those dopey hats.
Aren't you taking yours off? Uh, no.
It brings me luck.
(ENGINE FALTERING) Whoa! (LAUGHS) Would that be good luck or bad luck? Come on, Chris.
We can't let the Bob Brothers down! (SPUTTERING) MARTY: You better hope Doc's belts don't let you down.
Good evening, ladies and gentlemen! Boys and girls! Hey! What about my pig? BOB: And pigs! We begin tonight's show with an act of amazing altitude.
(IN UNISON) The Stupendous Chris and Verne! (CROWD APPLAUDING) (CROWD GASPING) (CROWD CHEERING) (LAUGHING) They're great, huh, pal? (WHACK) (SCREAMING) A masterpiece of construction, if I do say so myself.
(CROWD CHEERING) (CHEERING CONTINUES) Once I take over this circus, I'm gonna make you the star.
(SQUEALS) And now, a stunt so daring the squeamish among you may not want to watch.
Young Chris will be the first person in the world to attempt a double mega-octuple somersault! BOB: Without a net! (CROWD GASPING) (LAUGHING) Hoo-wee! If he falls, this'll be spectacular! (SNORTING) (SINGING) Then Old Mac Tannen'll have a circus, ee-ai-ee-ai-oo.
Chris, you're a girl! (CROWD GASPING) Don't worry Verne, I gotcha! (WOMAN SCREAMING) (CROWD CHEERING) (LIVELY TUNE PLAYING) (SQUEALING) Boo! Lucky catch! Verne, are you okay? Yeah, thanks for nothin'.
(ALL EXCLAIMING) Oh, great show! I am coming back tomorrow night.
Here you go, Mr.
Tannen, every cent we owe ya! ROBERT: To the last penny! Well, I reckon a deal's a deal.
But I'd be a heap sight happier if I coulda put ya outta business.
Come on, Cleopatra.
(OINKING) VERNE: This stinks! I loaned her my gloves.
We went halvsies on a comic book.
We shared gum! So what? Marty, I'm talkin' major cooties here! Vernie, not to brag but, uh, some of my best friends are females.
Yeah, but girls are different.
Whattya mean? She's still the same person you liked before.
Nuh-uh! I thought she was a Christopher and she turned out to be a Christine.
You better lighten up, Verne, or your friendship with Chris'll be like my repair work on the DeLorean.
Finished.
Hey, Chris, we're all set.
Let's jet! I'm comin'.
Hey, Verne, I said I was sorry.
(ENGINE REVVING) Cry about it, why dontcha? Hey, batter, batter, batter, batter! Ken Griffey Jr.
goes back for the catch Here, Verne.
Throw 'em out.
You're out! Thanks.
Um, wanna play? Without my cap? Sure, and you can borrow my glove.
Well, what are we waitin' for? Play ball! Yes siree, Robert! Appearances may be deceiving.
Now, this may appear to be a complicated chemistry experiment.
It is actually my E.
L.
B.
aqua-amomatic, producing the first scientifically-perfected water balloon.
Verne and I are preparing for our semi-annual water fight, and since Chris will team with him this year, I needed an equalizer.
I found these babies could be thrown more accurately, at greater distances, and with a better burst ratio if they are heated to to a pressure of 1.
2 psi.
That's 1.
2 pounds per square inch.
DOC: To learn more about pressure, access video encyclopedia, Section P for "pressure.
" DOC: You can use air pressure to power your very own hovercraft.
You'll need a large balloon, some general purpose cement, a bottle cap, and the lid of a mayonnaise jar.
Get an adult to help you pierce a small hole through the lid of the jar and the bottle cap, using either a drill or a small nail.
Using the cement, attach the bottle cap to the underside of the jar lid.
Blow up the balloon, twist the neck, and place it over the bottle cap.
Set it down on a smooth, flat surface, and watch it go.
You've made your own hovercraft.
As air shoots out of the balloon, it forms a cushion, which lifts the lid off the countertop.
Of course, with the right materials, you can make a slightly larger hovercraft.
It sure beats walkin' to school.
(PHONE RINGING) Emmett 'Bomber' Brown here.
Uh, yes, Clara.
(STUTTERING) I remember I promised to run those errands today.
But first the kids and I (STUTTERING) Uh, but yeah, no, but All right, all right, I will attend to them immediately.
(EXHALES) Argh! Verne! Chris! You'll have to play between yourselves! The type of pressure one spouse applies to another is far greater than any physical force imaginable! But you'll learn that soon enough.
(THUDDING) DOC: See you in the future.
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
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