Ballmastrz 9009 (2018) s02e05 Episode Script

1
"Ballmastrz."
"When You Wish Upon a Spore."
♪♪
[Snoring]
Lazy layabouts.
Frivolously wasting their day
off when they could be training.
No discipline. No devotion.
[Scoffs]
997
998
999
[Smash!]
1,000!
I'm the only Lepton who
truly understands sacrifice.
No one on this team appreciates
the fruits of my sacrifice.
[Shower running]
That's for sure.
No one, but me of course.
[Cackles]
Mmm, Umbilicus.
Whoa! Wah!
Doesn't anyone
on this team knock?
Flip, all hands on deck!
It's time to make a wish
come true!
[Groaning, sighing, giggling]
In accordance with our team's
plea bargain agreement
for accidentally
deleting sentient AI files
off the stadium's mainframe
to make room
for new video games,
today is our
court-mandated appointment
with the Wish Program.
A lucky person with
a debilitating or fatal disease
has been selected
to make a wish
and have it come true!
And that lucky person
is Rudy Drax.
Aah!
Team, meet Rudy.
Rudy, meet the Leptons.
Why would he
want to do that?
Jeez, that's
pretty selfish, Rudy.
Yeah, kid,
what's your damage?
All: Baby Ball!
It's okay.
I don't mind talking about it.
I suffer from
solar prime's disease.
Spores from deep in space
traveled across
the cosmos to me
on the solar winds.
They rained down on to me
like cruel cherry blossoms.
The spores entered my brain,
destroying my arms and legs!
And now here I sit before you
a shell of my former self.
[Record scratches]
And our number-one fan!
First up is our morning
training session.
Maybe if you're lucky,
you'll get to see
Ballmaster in action.
Actually, I was really
hoping to watch Flip.
Baby Ball: Not a fan
of this new move.
[Pbbbt!]
Aah!
I'm open.
Rrraaah!
I'm open!
Ha, ha, ha!
Huh!
- Gah!
- Whaa!
By harnessing the power
of my own vanity
and flooding my chakras
with hubris,
I can repurpose
the fruit of my sacrifice
into a force
of pure arrogance,
ignore my whole team,
and go unto heights of personal
glory using Umbilicus!
Whaaaa-ho!
[Explosion]
[Warbling]
[Thud!] Unh! What happened?
I'm so sorry, Mr. Champion.
You should have watched
where you were cheering!
I'm sorry.
I totally should have.
You're You're
my favorite Lepton, sir!
Well, that shows very
good taste on your part.
This is so embarrassing,
but you're my inspiration!
You give me hope.
I wanna be
just like you some day.
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!
You, be like me?
That's impossible!
You lost your limbs
to disease and weakness,
whereas I made a choice
to sacrifice my flesh
as a pathway
to strengthen excellence!
[Whimpers]
Waahhh!
I also think crying
is super lame!
[Whoosh!]
What the hell is going on?
Flip Champion,
your pompous dismissal
of your number-one fan's
feelings set off
the insensitivity sensors
we recently installed
in all stadiums.
You have failed to live up
to the Consortium's
new no-tolerance policy
for being a total asshole.
Wow! Those insensitivity
censors are very sensitive.
I'm afraid you'll now
have to accompany me
through the vast reaches
of time and space
into another dimension
unknown to conscious beings
for some sensitivity training.
Aaaaaah!
[Cackles]
Holy cow!
I honestly can't believe I didn't set off
I honestly can't believe I didn't set off
those asshole censors first.
those asshole censors first.
Jinx! Jinx!
Flip: Whooaaa!
Whoooooaaaa!
[Cackling evilly]
Aaah!
[Groans]
What happened? Where am I?
Welcome to your
sensitivity training.
In this dimension, we are
capable of simulating situations
where you'll be treated as
callously as you treat others.
I don't understand.
Hopefully, this will teach you
a valuable lesson.
[Cackles]
♪♪
Hey, gang, look!
[Laughter]
It's Flip Loser!
Actually,
my name's Flip Champion.
You know they only let you
on the team out of pity, right?
You're barely even
the team mascot.
You should do us all a favor
and quit.
You're pathetic, Flip.
Me, pathetic?
Ha! I have spent a lifetime
of sacrificing my flesh,
training my body,
and aligning
my abdominal chakras
to achieve a level
of physical perfection
you could never understand.
[Screaming]
Crayzar: Cease simulation!
What the hell was that?
Clearly, Flip is a much larger
asshole than we anticipated.
Level one is typically reserved
for people who are merely jerks.
Perhaps we should skip
to level three.
Level five, bitches.
Come on.
[Whirring]
Woman:
Please, we seek asylum.
The Wasteland Gangs
will kill us if we go back.
So you're clearly
just lying
so you can get out
of the Wastelands.
When will you scum learn?
Separate the child
from the mother!
- No!
- Get in there, worm!
[Crying] You'll never
see your mother again!
Yeah, well, that's fine.
You're okay
with the way
we're treating you?
If I wasn't,
you'd be dead!
So then, you're okay
being separated from your mom
and being put
in a small cage?
As long as I have
enough room in here to
train with Umbilicus,
I'm good.
Jesus, what an asshat.
Oh, I'm sorry
Flip was so rude.
I'm sure
he didn't mean to be.
He's really a great guy
and a terrific teammate.
Really?
Really?
All: Really?
Would you like
to see Flip's room?
I guess so.
Here it is.
This is where Flip sleeps.
Ah. And here is
where he meditates.
[Gasps] Flip's discipline is
a real benefit to the team.
Whoa.
♪♪
What do you think's
in his closet?
I guess clothes and stuff.
Do you think I could be alone
in Flip's room for a while?
Sure thing!
[Laughs]
[Grunting]
[Door opens]
[Rumbling]
Wow.
Crayzar: No!
It's impossible.
He's an utter narcissist.
He's worse than me,
and I'm a near-immortal
demigod whack-job cyborg.
There is one training simulation
we could try.
No, it's too dangerous.
What?
What are you talking about?
Running it could work
the fabric of the universe!
You can't tell me about
a dangerous experimental option
and then not do it,
you teases.
Now let's roll the dice.
[Echoing] Hello?
Ah, there you are.
I was looking for you.
In accordance
with Consortium protocol,
and as a result
of my sensitivity training,
I'd like to apologize for
any offense you may have taken
to the truthful,
totally reasonable things
[Snarling]
I said to you earlier.
There, that ought to do it.
Uh, didn't you not
have limbs before?
[Whoosh!]
Aaah!
Rudy: [Snarls]
That's right, Flip.
After you hurt me,
I came across
your sacrificed limbs.
They called to me.
So, in my state of despair,
I answered them.
It turns out you rejected
your own limbs
just like you rejected me.
So, combining your rejected
mummified limbs
with aspects
of my rare space disease,
I can now utilize the unexpected
blessing of my tragedy.
Re-Umbilicus!
Whaa!
Rudy!
What are you doing?
What's it look like, skippy?
Sweetheart,
Flip ain't worth it.
- He's just a dickhead.
- Hey!
He's not worth it, is he?
So is it cool
if I just end him right now?
Nobody's ending anything,
alright?
Let's all just calm down.
You want a wish
to come true?
How about you let Superstar Gaz
buy you your first drink.
How about I stomp your ass,
too, wide load.
Bring it.
Whoa.
Uh!
Ah!
Aah!
Aah!
Heyaaa!
Aah!
[Grunts]
[Conk!]
Aw, ah
Whooaaaa!
Ugh! [Groans]
There's only one way
out of this.
Form Ballmaster!
I was gonna say,
"Run like cowards," but sure.
Yeah, we can form
Ballmaster.
Ballmastrz.
Yeah!
Heyaaa!
Aaaah!
[Cackles]
Aah!
I was going to beat you all up,
but seeing how pathetic
and weak you all are,
I'm going to put an end
to your misery.
No, please!
I love my misery!
Wait!
This is all my fault!
You have every right
to be angry at me,
but have mercy
on my teammates.
Let me sacrifice myself
to spare them.
They don't deserve
to be punished for my mistake!
Oh.
Oh?
Ah.
[Clunk]
[Screaming]
Holy crap.
That totally worked,
and it didn't even warp
the fabric of the universe.
What worked?
Warped the what?
We couldn't get any
of the standard simulations
to teach you
any empathy.
So we had to run
a dangerously unstable
experimental simulation,
and it worked!
But this isn't a simulation.
This is real.
Rudy was real!
You sent me back here
to apologize to him, remember?
Wait, did Rudy exist
before we ran the simulation?
I mean, yeah, he's why Flip
ended up in sensitivity training
in the first place.
Interesting, perhaps
the amplified theta waves
created a reality pre-echo,
mapping simulons
onto actual people
and displacing them.
What the hell does
any of that mean?
It means we totally
just disintegrated Rudy.
Oh, shit.
♪♪
♪♪
Chirp.
Rad.