Central Park (2020) s02e05 Episode Script

Dad, the votes are in.
And today's breakfast is egg-cellent.
Thanks, Cole.
I was scrambling on what to make.
I would love to stick around,
but yolk's on me, I gotta get to work.
-Nice, Mom.
-No, no. Not nice.
Work? You? Work? On Sunday? Today?
-It's the paper's 40th anniversary.
-Wow, the big 4-0.
But it looks 39.
Yeah, it's great.
But our ad department sold this week
as a double edition to help boost sales,
and someone forgot
to tell the editorial staff.
So I'm helping Marvin
write a buttload of articles in a day.
Is "buttload" a technical term?
Molly? Sweetie? Is something wrong?
I need a new bra.
That doesn't seem like a big deal.
It is a big deal.
Friday before PE, I was in the locker room
and some eighth-grade girls
were talking and one was like,
"I love my new bra.
I'm so glad I got rid of my training bra."
And guess who was wearing a training bra.
Me.
And then I looked at
everyone else's super cool bras.
Lace bras, colorful bras,
straps that go left and right,
up, down, zigzag, waffle cut--
All different kinds, except training.
Nope, just me. The only one.
I might as well have been
wearing diapers and a bib.
So, yeah. It is a big deal.
I've got locker room blues
I'm feeling confused
My training bra needs
Some new training wheels
A nice little lace
With a cute little frill
I've got a bra-blem
Can I get some light support?
I've got a bra-blem
And it's happening under my shirt
I need some pinks and blues
No pastel snooze
No va-va-vroom is there
I need light support, a credit card
To meet me halfway there
My bust needs a boost now
My girls need a goose now
I see double D's and triple E's
I'm feeling insecure
The best of me wants to be free
And show off these two stars
Something compelling for my melons
Girls
These hooters need a hoot
And no one's even yelling
I've got a bra-blem
It's just a little quick trip
To the mall
I've got a bra-blem
Does anybody hear my call?
I'm a woman, least I'm getting there
I should mark this special moment
With a bra with some flair
Bye, Victoria
I'm the one with secrets
And I can no longer keep it
Take a look around
The perfect bra will hold me down
Or hold me up
I'm like I'm feeling stuck
Please Mom and Dad
Your girl is growing up
I've got a bra-blem
And I need it today.
I know I should've told you yesterday,
but I was working through
a lot of complex bra-related emotions.
And so I'm telling you now, on a Sunday,
a day that you don't usually work,
but you won't have any time today?
You know what? Screw work.
I'm taking you bra shopping.
-Really?
-Yeah. I don't care if I get fired.
-It's worth it.
-Wait, Paige.
What if instead of you getting fired,
I took her?
-Really?
-Why not? I could be your bra-bro.
-Yeah. I guess that works too.
-Love this plan.
I'll finish work superfast
and meet up with you at the store.
-You good with this, Molly?
-Bra shopping with my dad?
Sure, of course.
But, Dad?
Just don't call yourself my bra-bro.
-Felt wrong when he said it.
-I'll go get ready.
And you're okay with this too?
No, definitely not.
I'm petrified, but in a good way,
'cause it's for Molly
and it seems really important to her.
Go. Don't worry.
Just let me worry. I'm not worried.
This is Cole Tillerman.
Go ahead and fill me in.
Hey, Cole. Wanna play pirates today?
I made a new eye patch out of an old sock,
and I wanna give it a whirl.
Enrique, I'm sorry,
but I already have plans.
Well, maybe next time.
I should probably practice
with the eye patch anyway.
-I've been bumping into a lot of stuff.
-Ahoy for now.
Cole, you're turning down a pirate sesh?
Is everything all right with you
and Enrique?
Yeah, he's still my co-pirate.
It's Sunday morning,
which is when I go help walk Shampagne,
my furry life partner.
I'll tell him you say hi. Bye.
So Cole is headed to the park
to meet up with Shampagne,
which is actually the key
to the next part of this story.
Let me say that again. The key.
You don't know what I'm talking about,
but you will soon.
Whoosh. I mean swoosh. I mean, just go.
So you like my perfume, eh?
It's my I-have-an-important-meeting
perfume. It's called Night Beast.
It definitely smells like
some sort of animal.
-I won't be needing you at my meeting.
-Oh, no. I'm so sad.
Besides, Shampagne needs to be walked
so he does his business, and also,
you need to go into the bathroom
and flush my business.
Be back in a few hours.
I see why she left this one.
She's proud of herself.
Yeah? The key, from before?
When I said it?
I bet you're wondering what
that tiny little key goes to, aren't you?
Good. I'll tell you.
So the story
Of that little key is this
It unlocks
Bitsy's locked filing cabinet
Which hides all her secrets
And mysteries
Her will, her estate papers
Two diamond Slinkies
It was the '80s.
Every night
When the little hand lands on the six
Bitsy takes the time
To lock her cabinet
Helen said it before
Where there's a way there's a will
She's gotta act fast
If she's caught she'll be killed
Maybe at least maimed.
-Helen.
-You're still here.
I wanted one more perfume spritz.
I only did two coats.
Now, quit shitzadawdlin'
and walk that shitzadoodle.
Yes. Yes, ma'am. Will-- I will do.
You never call me ma'am, weirdo.
Sure, I do. Now, off you go
and take all the time you need.
Just walk Shampagne!
Can't wait to walk Shampagne.
There he is. There's my guy.
Who's got kisses for Cole?
This is gonna be quick.
I gotta get back to the hotel
to do stuff. Don't worry about it.
Quick? Shampagne's more of a slow
and steady wins the race kind of pooper.
Also, we usually do an hour walk,
and it's the most magical hour of my week.
Yikes. That's so cool and not sad for you.
Let's go. I'm gonna join you guys today
to make sure this moves along.
You're gonna love it.
So, Shampagne, would you rather live
on a planet without doughnuts
or live on a doughnut
and also be a doughnut?
Dear, Lord, how long have we been walking?
-60 seconds?
-He's gonna poop.
-Damn it.
-False alarm.
He's crouching, he's crouching. Damn it.
Poop already.
We try to keep the poop pressure
to a minimum, thank you so much.
Finally! Okay, bye.
Come on.
But he's only seen four squirrels.
Sorry, I have some very important files
to look over.
Boring stuff. Adult stuff. Gotta go.
I turned down other offers for this.
Intriguing offers.
Sorry, bye.
Dad and daughter on the subway.
-Gettin' their bra game faces on.
-Oh, boy.
So, do you know what kind of bra
you're looking for?
Yes, simple. Something that's me,
but also not me, but could be me.
Just a different version of me.
Not too girlie, but sort of girlie.
Kind of sporty, but not too sporty.
'Cause, who are we kidding?
And in blue? Maybe?
Then we're gonna find exactly that.
Not freaked out at all.
-Let's go get my daughter her dream bra.
-Dad.
Right, right. Sorry.
But really, we can do this.
How hard can it be to pick out
one perfect bra?
Are you serious? Are there
even this many boobs in the world?
We can do this. We just gotta
dive in headfirst. Or chest-first.
Never mind. Here we go.
What? That? What is that?
A bra? This looks like it could be you.
I guess that sort of looks like me.
Wait, no.
We're looking for a bra for new Molly.
She wouldn't wear that. I don't think.
You were supposed to be helping me, Dad.
I thought I was,
but I don't know what I'm doing.
-Neither do I! That's the problem!
-So we're on the same page.
-Am I putting this back in the rack?
-Yes, back in the rack.
-But go grab some more. Keep looking.
-Yep, yep. I'll keep looking.
Okay, I'm going in. If you see a good one
for new Molly, toss it over.
Good luck. Excuse me--
Sorry, I'm helping a woman
who's spicing up her marriage.
Sure. Of course. I'll be fine.
Got my bra-face on.
-Dad.
-Sorry.
Okay, everyone's working
full speed ahead out there.
This paper's on her deathbed,
but damn it, she's a fighter.
Thank God. What about you?
How's your "Super Easy Subway Workout"
article going?
Okay. I don't work out,
so I'm winging it a little.
Are jumping jacks still a thing?
What are you looking at?
Roberta?
That's Roberta McCullough,
the owner of the paper.
She never comes to the office.
Mostly because the building is a little
too small for her helicopter to land on.
So, yeah, something is definitely up.
Why is she here?
Maybe it's nothing.
Maybe she needed to grab something.
Bitsy Brandenham?
If the next person
who walks in this office is my mother,
then I've had this nightmare before.
Okay, moment of truth.
Time to find out if my name
is in this will.
Or if I've been cleaning,
scrubbing, waxing, lotioning,
poop-flushing for an old lady
for no reason.
No. No, no, no, no, no.
Okay, okay. The key was in my pocket.
When did I go in my pocket?
False alarm. False alarm. False alarm.
Oh, no, no, no. I must have
dropped the key in the freakin' park!
When Bitsy realizes she doesn't
have the key, she'll think I took it.
Because I did. Why am I talking to you?
So, I just have to go
search the whole park. Oh, crap.
All right. I feel like it's going pretty
good so far. What do you think?
Bad. Very, very bad.
Maybe this will change your mind.
Take a look at this bra option.
Bra-ption.
I don't know, Dad.
That one has mesh. Is that too meshy?
And this one has flowers on it,
but are they the right flowers?
-I don't know, Dad. Do you?
-I could gander a guess.
Maybe I'm not ready to wear a bra-bra.
I'll just wear a training bra
for the rest of my life.
You know what? We should just go home.
What? No. We can't go home.
I came here to help you,
and I'm going to help you.
-How?
-Like this.
Help! My daughter needs a bra.
Someone help!
Hi, sir.
You look like you need some assistance.
Mostly because you're screaming.
Sorry, I'll stop screaming now.
Totally calm dad over here.
Okay. So, give me the boob brief.
I just want
Something that's her,
but also not her, but could be her.
Not too girlie, but sort of girlie. Kind
of sporty, but not too sporty. In blue.
This is gonna be some work,
but I'm pretty sure
we have the bra you're looking for.
-Wait, really?
-Yeah, this isn't my first bra-deo.
I gotta take Shamps
to the Shakespeare Garden next walk.
More like a Midsummer Day's Dream,
am I right?
Cole! There you are. I found you.
I mean, not found you.
It's not like I was looking for you
or anything, but here we are.
-Wanna pirate?
-You bet your booty I wanna--
Wait, hold that thought.
Two pairs of fresh, young eyes.
They can help me find the key.
Okay, Helen.
Keep it, keep it low-key
Keep it low-key
Track it back, backtrack
Keep it low-key
Ask the kid what you did
Where the dog peed
Just keep it, keep it low-key
Keep it low-key
You, wanna help me out?
I think I lost a key
-A key? A key.
-A key. A key.
Aquí, like in Spanish?
No, I dropped it on our walk
Which may have been your last
'Cause if I've lost the key
Then Bitsy will replace me
With some super stringent
New assistant
Who won't be chill as me
They won't let you walk the shih tzu
So will you help me find the key?
Keep it, keep it low-key
Keep it low-key
Keep the finder's fee, keep it low-key
Take the dough
There you go, okey dokey
Just keep it, keep it low-key
Keep it low-key
Keep it low-key, keep it low-key
Keep it low-key
Keep it low-key, keep it low-key
I know what would make this go
A little bit faster
Hi, can you help us out?
This lady lost a key
-A key?
-A key.
-A key.
-Aquí, like in Spanish?
Maybe could be on the ground
I know we're not allowed
But in emergencies
We need your expertise with
A metal detector, don't object or
You will break my heart
You can trust me, Daddy won't see
So will you help us find a key?
-All right.
-Si!
Keep it, keep it low-key
Keep it low-key
Hear a beep, make a peep
Keep it low-key
Take it down to the ground
Hokeypokey
Just keep it, keep it low-key
Keep it low-key
-Hi, Elwood.
-Uh-oh.
-Is that--
-No, it's not.
-What are you--
-Nothing.
Okey dokey.
Keep it, keep it low-key
Keep it low-key
Hear a boop, stop and snoop
Keep it low-key
Hear a song, hum along, karaoke
Just keep it, keep it low-key
Keep it low-key
Just keep it, keep it low-key
Keep it low-key
Aquí.
Damn you, movies,
for making me think this would work.
Crap. We need to find out
what they're talking about.
I think I know what they're talking about,
but I'm too afraid to say it.
I think Bitsy's trying to buy the paper.
Welp, you said it.
God, I hope we're wrong.
Me too. We have to find out for sure.
-Hey, what about that vent?
-Good idea.
-Lift me, you're stronger.
-Lift me, I'm lighter.
Hang on, I should call Owen.
We're gonna be here a while.
Hi, are you here? Are you close?
We're in the back by the changing rooms.
A nice lady's helping us now.
I'm not sure,
but she might be a fairy-bra-mother.
I'm glad you're here.
There's a lot of options.
Why are there so many options?
Owen,
I need to stay at work a little longer.
Okay, okay. We'll be fine.
We'll be fine. We'll be fine.
Tell Molly I'm so sorry,
but I believe in you.
-Call me if you need me.
-I'll be fine.
I don't like it. Not a good idea.
Marvin, don't freak out,
but there's a spider on your shoulder.
In summary--
Your paper's broke.
I'm rich, and I want to buy it. The end.
What? Bitsy's trying to buy Paige's paper?
Why, do you ask?
Remember when Paige made Bitsy
look like a dum-dum
for hiring a guy
who pretended to catch a dead fish?
Maybe I'll buy that stupid newspaper too.
Well, today's as good a day as any
for a revenge-purchase.
Paige and Marvin need to stop that meeting
ASAP or they're gonna lose their jobs.
What would they do then? Become dentists?
They don't know anything about teeth.
So, should we talk about price?
I'm thinking, since your paper stinks,
maybe it's not high?
When I was 14,
I had the foot size
and toe length of a 40-year-old.
Yes. Feet. Childhood. Very interesting.
-Anyway, back to me buying your pa--
-My feet were huge.
And to make matters worse,
before newspapers,
my first true love was track-and-field.
Hello?
It's Marvin. The editor in chief
of the paper you own.
-Can you come into my office?
-Why? I'm in a meeting.
Why? Because we need to talk
about work stuff. Important work stuff.
We think Doug killed someone.
Because Doug killed someone in the office?
No, sorry. Because--
-The building has asbestos?
-The building has asbestos.
I was aware of both of those things.
And I'm in the middle of something big.
Goodbye.
-What?
-Dang it.
She's definitely about to sell the paper.
I wish we could just smoke her out.
-We couldn't.
-Could we? A little smoke?
Okay, fine. From a contained fire.
The smoke alarm will go off,
their meeting is cut short
and no one sells anything to anybody.
I'll get a lighter.
So here's a stack to just get us started,
narrow our options down.
But we'll try on every damn bra
in this store if we have to.
-I love you.
-I know. Now get in there.
You look nervous, Dad. There's no nerves
in bra shopping, just grit and guts.
I'm just-- I feel like Paige should
be here. She could do this better than me.
I don't know who Paige is,
and I don't care.
-You're the guy for this right now.
-I am?
Yes. Don't worry. When you see the right
bra for your daughter, you'll know.
And you'll only know if you keep looking.
Look at me. You are enough.
I'm gonna miss you when this is all over.
That's what they all say.
And they all do. Now go get 'em.
I've been wanting to chat with you
for some time, Miss Brandenham.
How fortunate you called.
Now, before anyone sells anything,
may I tell you a story?
I feel like I can't say no,
so my answer is a reluctant yes.
It was the '60s.
I was a freshman at the Milton Dalton
Wilton Academy for Young Women.
I'm familiar with the school.
I was accepted, but Mother thought
it was too close to home.
I was running the 440-yard dash
very badly.
But halfway through the race
I realized that for the first time ever,
I wasn't in last place.
Only a few more steps and I would place
eighth out of nine, a personal record.
This is a really cool story
that I'm enjoying.
And then, the unthinkable.
A runner from another school tripped me.
So I finished last.
And the name of that runner
was Bitsy Brandenham.
Yes. I do remember that race.
-So, you admit it.
-No, I don't.
I should have that eighth-place ribbon
in my town house,
displayed next to the picture of me
and my exotic parrot.
But instead, you do.
I didn't trip you.
I don't even know
where that silly ribbon is.
I'm sure I threw it out years ago.
Listen, how much do I have to give you
for this stupid paper?
Everybody wants something.
Let's make a deal, eh? Hey? Hey?
There.
No. It's just metal on a metal bench.
Get your head in the game, Elwood.
There!
-No. It's just a metal railing.
-Here!
-No. It's just a metal statue.
-Maybe we can move a little faster?
If we don't find this key soon,
I lose my job.
If I lose my job, you lose your dog.
We've gotta find that key.
If I don't get to walk Shampagne,
what do I have left in life?
-Pirates.
-Nothing.
Focus, Elwood.
Best friendships are at stake.
I know this looks crazy, but Marvin and I
will be vindicated by day's end.
What's going on?
What are you doing up there?
Why are you holding a lighter?
-It's for a story about team building.
-That checks out.
Hello, Miss Brandenham.
Do you remember me?
You know,
the author of that Snakehead exposé?
No, I definitely don't.
And if I did, I wouldn't say I did.
I think you people work for me.
So listen up. I have an announcement.
-Oh, boy.
-Uh-oh.
Bitsy and I are doing a redo
of a footrace from our past.
-We're going to run around the bullpen.
-Wait, what?
If I win, she has to give me
the eighth-place ribbon
that is rightfully mine.
If she wins, I'm going to talk seriously
with her about selling the paper.
I knew it.
Okay. Time to remember how running works.
Oh, my God. We're about to lose our jobs
over a footrace.
Miss McCullough, I love the footrace
thing, seems like a great idea.
But maybe, please don't do it?
-Nah, I'm gonna do it. Grab my leg.
-Can we get on with it?
Okay. So we go that way
toward that corner of the office,
stay close to the windows,
and no tripping.
Get ready to lose a newspaper.
-What did she just say?
-Just root for Roberta to win.
You, with the boyish charm. You say go.
I guess that's me?
On your marks. Get set.
-Go
-Go
-Go
-Go
Uh-oh, we're down to the wire
-Go
-Go
-Go
-Go
Uh-oh, we're down to the wire
The paper's on the line
They made a wager
All for a ribbon
And the pressure's major
Roberta's gonna catch her
I think we'll need a stretcher
Too many choices
And my head is swimmin'
I never knew
This was so hard for women
These bras are overwhelming
What is supportive shelving?
-No
-No
-Go
-Go
Uh-oh, it's down to the wire
-Go, go
-Go
-Go, go
-Go
Uh-oh, it's down to the wire
Are they even moving?
Sort of? Kind of? A little bit?
Can it be? Is it calling to me?
It was hidden from view
Girlie, sporty and blue
Oh, my gah, I would kill for this bra
I would go right to jail
Look at that, it's on sale
Wire
Uh-oh, we're down to the wire
Down to the wire, down to the wire
-Wire
-Uh-oh, we're down to the wire
Down to the wire, down to the wire
Great. She's on her way back
and still no key.
Okay. Nice knowing you.
I'll never see my Shampagne again?
Shampagne, hold me for one last time.
Oh, God.
This feels emotional. Should I go?
It's not the end of the world for you.
Just don't obsess over one thing
too much, okay?
It can take over your life
and then it's like
there's no other stuff in it, your life.
I'm mostly talking about myself.
Being so obsessed
with this being in the will crap.
Why am I getting into this
with an eight-year-old?
-Eleven.
-Eleven and a half.
Don't sell yourself short.
I think he's gonna go.
May I? One final hurrah?
Sure.
Okay, goodbye forever.
Bitsy, back so soon?
I don't wanna talk about it.
Fine. You asked. I lost a bet,
and now I have to give this crazy lady
one of my heirlooms.
-That's weird. Where's my key?
-Beg your pardon?
My key. My key. To the filing cabinet.
I don't have it. Did you take it, Helen?
Me? What? No. Key? No, not me.
Why are you sweating?
I didn't know your body made sweat.
It's the doorman buzzing.
We have to answer that.
That's what you're supposed to do.
Hello?
Helen, there's a boy
with a bag of dog poop down in the lobby.
He says you might want it?
Tell him, "No, thank you"?
He says there's a key in it?
Well, there it is. The missing key.
Someone owes someone an apology.
So, just curious, why did you find my key
in a pile of poop in the park?
Some sort of satanic ritual?
Well, I was in the park. And I saw
your dog, Shampagne, do his business.
That's how I know you. You're his stalker.
Still stalking, eh?
Yeah. Anyway, I offered to help bag it.
And then I kept it for a few hours,
I guess.
Makes sense. Freak.
And then I realized there was a key in it,
so I brought it here.
Shampagne must've eaten it.
Shampagne, if you want to eat keys,
I can get you keys. Just not that one.
Helen! Get rid of the boy
and wash the poop off that key!
Well, thank you. See you next week?
I'm gonna take your advice and not be
quite so obsessive about Shampagne.
Might take a week off
and play pirates with Enrique.
'Cause who knows? Fifteen, 20 years
from now, we might not wanna play pirates.
Sounds, well, dumb. But have fun.
Goodbye, old friend.
You were something my father was proud of.
Well, he was proud of me
for tripping Roberta. You get it.
Great. I'm talking to a ribbon.
Shampagne
didn't eat that key and poop it out.
Here's what actually happened.
Cole wanted to circle the park
for the key one more time.
Sometimes when you're searching
for something too hard,
you don't realize it's been right
in front of your face the whole time.
But how to give it to Helen
without making Bitsy suspicious?
Well, when life hands you a bag of poop,
you make lemonade
by mushing the key into
the bag of poop? You get it.
That was a wild ride.
Speaking of rides, to the subway!
Wow. Is bra shopping always such a rush?
-It's his first bra.
-You did good, Dad. Real good.
I was in a zone.
Maybe I should do this for a living.
You know, I kind of wish we'd gotten
that purple one too.
-I liked the back of it.
-Funny you mention that.
You bought it?
Well, it seemed so right for you.
Effortlessly cool, like old Molly.
Now you've got two great bras.
One that's the you I know right now,
and one that's
whoever you decide to be.
Can't wait to hit the locker room
With my bazooms in these bras
You're gonna get high fives I bet
My baby is a bra-star
And I think I might be
The best dad in history
-Okay, easy, tiger.
-Sorry, just excited.
We solved the bra-blem
We solved the bra-blem
Seems like you guys solved a bra-blem
I helped my daughter
find two really great bras today.
-I'm a great dad, no big deal.
-Okay. Take it down a notch, Dad.
Okay, Helen.
Keep it, keep it low-key
Keep it low-key
Track it back, backtrack
Keep it low-key
Ask the kid what you did
Where the dog peed
Just keep it, keep it low-key
Keep it low-key
You, wanna help me out?
I think I lost a key
-A key?
-A key.
Keep it low-key
No, I dropped it on our walk
Which may have been your last
'Cause if I've lost the key
Then Bitsy will replace me
With some super stringent
New assistant
Who won't be chill as me
They won't let you walk the shih tzu
So will you help me find the--
Keep it, keep it low-key
Keep it low-key
Keep the finder's fee, keep it low-key
Take the dough
There you go, okey dokey
Just keep it, keep it low-key
Keep it low-key