Corner Gas (2004) s02e05 Episode Script

Hey, Wanda.
Hey, Lacey.
Bad news.
The Sarah Harden concert's sold out.
Oh, no.
Thanks to me.
Because I scooped the last two tickets.
Oh, you are amazing! Oh, Wanda, you rock! Yeah, you rock! Who's Sarah Harden? Oh, she's new.
I'm not up on that new stuff.
You're not up on it or into it? I might be into it if I was up on it.
But I'm not up on it, so I'm not into it.
I'm into what I'm up on.
I'm not up on the new stuff, but I'm sorta into it.
I'm down with that.
Prepositions are fun, aren't they? What's a preposition? * You can tell me that your dog ran away * * Then tell me that it took three days * * I've heard every joke, I've heard every one you say * * You think there's not a lot goin' on * * Look closer, Baby, you're so wrong * * And that's why you can stay so long * * Where there's not a lot goin' on ** Hey, Wanda, can you move your car? Okay, okay.
No, Don't knock the dirt.
It's keeping my bumper on.
Hey, Brent.
Are you stackin' wiper fluid? That's uncanny.
Have you worked at a gas station before? Let me giveNo, no.
you a hand.
That's all right.
I - I got it.
Wanda's got it.
Wanda.
Let Useless help.
Yeah, let me help.
No, no.
Wanda's an ace at this.
They call her the Stackinator.
Here.
What's this? The shelf you asked for, for your recipe books.
When did I asklt took me for a shelf?a while.
I asked for this when Brent was a kid.
Like I say, it took a while.
What are you building next, that change table for the nursery? I'm gettin' to it.
Why do you clutter up the house with junk? It's a hobby.
Get a new hobby.
Fine.
I'll go for a walk somewhere I'm appreciated.
That'll be a long walk.
Oh-ho-ho.
On your way out, take out the garbage.
Sure, she's good, nice form.
I could do better.
Yeah, but, uh, it's a union thing.
So off ya go.
Let me know if you need a hand or extra set of eyes.
Two heads are better than one.
Geez, what's your donor card look like? I'm in a union? You wish.
No, it's just Hank's got some fencing to do.
Not the skinny sword kinda fencing.
Oh, fencing.
He's gonna buy some stolen merchandise? No, the actual fence kinda fencing, around his cousin's farm.
It's ugly, physical grunt work.
Oah! I can't imagine.
If I let him help me now, he can get me to help him later.
I'm not building up any favour debt.
So while you're playing geopolitics, I'm left stacking wiper fluid.
Yeah.
It's a win-win.
Tell me to get a new hobby.
Don't blame me if your recipe books get all wonky.
A perfectly good pair of pants.
I don't think you should be doing that on duty.
It sends the wrong message.
What, that I'm incredibly athletic? No.
That I'm friends with someone who plays Hacky Sack.
This is not a Hacky Sack.
This is my new footbag.
Hacky Sack is a brand name, like, uh, Kleenex.
People call it Kleenex even if the Kleenex is some other kinda Kleenex.
I don't see cops on TV Hacky Sacking.
Lenny, from It's all in the knee.
But that other guy from Law and Order might Hacky Sack.
Knee, knee.
But they don't show him Hacky Sacking.
That part of his life isn't depicted on screen.
Checkin' out this knee action! Look at this, a perfectly good pair of pants.
I'm gonna act like he's talking to you.
I found them by the road.
Who leaves a pair of pants by the road? That is weird.
Pickin' up a stranger's pants and carrying them around, that's perfectly normal.
Can't just leave them there.
That's pants.
It would be a waste, a waste of pants.
Nobody likes pant waste.
Geez, I hope it's not genetic.
Are you kidding? You're getting more like him every day.
Oh! Don't be a jackass.
Hey, Brent.
Would you help me lug a buffer? It doesn't sound like something I would do.
I'm redoing the floors.
It's a huge job.
I know where you're comin' from.
I had to phone and order a new candy rack.
You figure that's a huge job? Dialling all those numbers.
Well, I guess not.
But it holds a lot of candy.
That's my point.
How much candy? Much, much, a rack's worth.
Look at this.
Perfectly good and a perfect fit.
Eeeuw! There it is, a brand new low.
What? They look just fine.
You missed Chapter 1, where he found those pants in a ditch.
Eeeuw! Eeeuw! Eeeuw! Oh.
I can see why people like to call footbags Hacky Sacks.
It's fun to say.
Hacky Sack, Hacky Sack, Hacky, Hacky Sack.
Karen, no Hacky Sacking in the restaurant.
Is that a rule? Because I don't see a sign.
I can't have a sign for everything.
Read the sign.
Fine.
I'll go outside.
Although, technically, this is a footbag.
I hate that Hacky Sack.
Footbag.
A new low, huh? Tcheah! You're not gonna bring the candy rack inside the store? I'm not gonna lie to you, Sir.
There was a time when we did that.
But there's been some shake-ups in the candy rack industry and we no longer provide that level of service.
I appreciate your honesty.
Oh, I got it.
No, no, that's okay.
No, no, I'm here.
No, that's all right.
Wanda's gonna get it.
Wanda? Well, there ya are.
Just call me the Rackinator.
Yeah, I, uh, I guess I owe ya one.
Ah, what's one between friends.
But, yeah, ya do.
See ya, buddy.
Could you do that outside? Okay.
Geez.
You could put up a sign.
You seem happy.
Ho, ho, ho, I really stuck it to Brent just now.
I helped him carry somethin' into the gas station.
Oh.
Way to twist the knife.
Yeah.
But I can't get complacent.
If I don't watch it, he'll do somethin' nice for me.
Wow.
You two are deep in the throws of something I don't care about.
Yeah.
I just did a little one, and Brent owes me one.
And the one he's doin' back is a big one.
So, in a way, I won, for once.
Hey? Make sense? Huh? No, not even a little bit.
Nice rack! What's it hold? A rack's worth, a rack and a half.
It's big.
Did they carry it in for you? They don't do that anymore.
Where have you been? Wanda, the concert starts at 8:00, so we should leave around 6:00.
Okay.
We can take my car.
Oh, I should warn you, it's a little dirty.
It's filthy.
Where is it? It's parked out front.
It's dirty, but it's not filthy.
Come on, a joke's a joke, but where did you put it? Put what? Karen, we don't know what you're talking about.
Yeah, we're not up on it, or into it.
My footbag, or my Hacky Sack, as you would call it.
Did somebody take Karen's sack ball? Oh, okay.
I get it.
You guys didn't take it.
So, uh, you don't mind if I, uh, look for it back here? Ooh! Look, but don't touch.
Let me know how this ends.
You know what? Don't bother.
Seriously, you guys, a joke's a joke.
But I want my Hacky Sack back.
We don't know where it is.
Okay.
I guess, uh, I'll go look for it in The Ruby.
Am I getting warmer? You're getting weirder.
Where's my Hacky Sack? Engine trouble? Need a hand.
No.
No, I no.
Why is the hood up, curiosity? No.
I'm just checkin' my wiper fluid.
Wiper fluid? I got lots.
No.
No, it's fine.
I just I just checked it.
Gas? You're pulled up by the pumps.
Yes, I need gas, which I'll pay for.
Look, let me help.
Hank, it's my job.
Hands off, Hank.
I got it.
Give it up.
What's this junk? It's not junk.
It's treasure.
Treasure.
You'd make a lousy pirate.
I'll have you know, I found all this stuff, sittin' by the side of the road.
No kidding? I'm shocked.
You wanted me to get a new hobby.
Picking up trash isn't a hobby, it's more like a symptom.
Trash, huh? I'll think you'll change your tune once you check out my piece of twine.
Yeah, that's right.
Free twine.
Who's laughin' now.
I'm asking you nice.
Stop bringing home garbage.
Why? It's not hurtin' anyone.
How you doin', Wade? Well, not so good.
I can't find any damn garbage.
I'm not sure we need Wade anymore.
Sorry, kids.
No Christmas this year.
I mean, sure, maybe Wade, the garbage man, will get fired.
So what? You find it? No, I didn't, as you well know.
Give me back my Hacky Sack! We didn't take your Hacky Sack.
Honest, Karen, I swear.
Okay, I believe you.
Really, I do.
Good.
All right, you got me to believe you.
Your joke is now complete.
So where's my Hacky Sack? Hank's stuck on the East Grid Road.
He needs a boost.
Perfect.
I'm on my way.
No, Brent.
Let Davis and Karen get it, especially Karen.
No, Hank's my buddy and I owe him one.
This is my one that I owe him and I'm gonna give it to him.
I want my Hacky Sack back.
Please, give her back her Hacky Sack.
Okay, try it now.
Thanks, Lacey.
I owe ya one.
Ha, ha, hey, Brent.
Well, way to go.
Thanks a lot.
What? He needed a boost, so I gave him one.
No, you gave him my one.
Is this that thing Hank was talkin' about? Well, if you knew, why did you give my one away? Drop it.
It's an Indian arrowhead.
It's a rock.
It's a piece of history.
It's not an arrowhead.
It's not even pointy.
It's the kind they used for practice.
It's like a blank.
You're an idiot.
Little treasures everywhere, and nobody sees them.
People are ignorant.
Some are.
So, thanks to you, I still owe Hank one.
Well, I'm sorry.
I didn't know.
Hey, Hank owes me one, right? Yes, he owes you my one.
What if I call in a favour, get Hank to help me and then you show up and help Hank help me? So I'd do one for him while he's doin' one for you.
Henceforth, I've given him one and I won't owe him one.
Well, not the proper use of "henceforth," but, yeah, that's the idea.
I'm into that, I'm up on it, I'm down with it, I'm all over it.
Now, what favour could we get Hank to do? This is workin' like a charm.
Hank has no idea.
What a maroon! Mmhmm.
You sure showed him.
I want my Hacky Sack! Hey, this is my road.
You're poaching.
What? No.
I-I'm looking for something I lost.
Well, it was taken from me.
Oh, yeah? What?My footbag.
It's called a sock, Einstein.
No, a Hacky Sack.
It's a bag about this big.
I think someone took it as a joke.
How is that funny, taking your Happy Sack? Exactly.
It was brand new.
I really liked it.
Oh, I get it.
It was brand new, you liked it, and they took it from you.
Yeah, that is funny.
Oh! Oh! Look! Cork.
Well, thanks for helping me out.
This was a lot bigger one than that candy rack one, help-wise.
Yeah, I guess.
Pathetic.
What? Lacey's got you doing her dirty work and you don't even realize it.
What you're not considering is that maybe I like dirty work.
Do you? Holy, she's good.
We won't take this lyin' down.
Now we owe Yeah, but in a bad way, a Not a good one, not one amongst friends.
Oh, no.
This one's personal.
You know what you guys have to do.
Oh-ho-ho, yeah.
Oh, we know.
Would you like me to tell you? Yes, please.
Well, well, well.
This oughta shut her up.
This should shut you up.
McTavish's! Oh! I haven't seen one of those in years.
You used to drink that stuff like it was soda pop.
It was soda pop.
Pants and twine are one thing, but this is a real antique.
Damn straight.
But don't run down the twine.
Maybe this is a fun hobby we could do together.
Let's go now.
Bring the box.
Let's see what else we can find.
Hah-hah! Now you're talkin'.
I like this plan.
We got her on the ropes now.
Hey, what are you guys doin'? Oh, ah, just cleaning Wanda's car before you two drive off to that big concert.
Aw, that is so nice.
Yeah.
Although I guess you could say that Wanda owes us one.
Yeah.
And, hey, Lacey, didn't Wanda get you the tickets for this big concert? Yeah.
So, I guess Lacey owes Wanda one.
Hmmm.
And correct me if I'm wrong, Hank Mmhmm? but if Lacey owes Wanda one and Wanda owes us one, I guess you could say, in effect, Lacey owes us one.
Check and mate.
The hunters become the hunted.
The fox becomes the fox that is catching himself.
Okay.
I guess you got me.
Oh, that's right.
Walk away.
But we're pullin' the strings now.
Yeah.
Dance, monkey, dance.
Monkey?Mmhmm.
If it's on strings, it's not a monkey, it's a puppet.
Some monkeys have strings, string monkeys.
Give me the shammy.
There you go, Partner, a brand new footbag.
Hacky Sack.
I thought you said it was called a footbag.
But this is an actual Hacky Sack brand Hacky Sack.
Oh.
But you can still kick it, right? And you won't have to talk about it anymore? Thanks, Davis.
This is nice, real nice.
Although I liked mine.
I miss my Hacky Sack.
Why'd you steal my Hacky Sack, Davis? Ah, I remember when I used to work alone.
It's not funny.
A joke's a joke, but enough is enough.
Enough jokes are enough and not funny.
Oh.
What? Um, nothing.
I've decided to forgive you for stealing my Hacky Sack.
But it wasn't funny.
This is gonna be fun.
I'm glad you came around.
Shouldn't we be stoppin' pretty soon? I asked you nice.
You left me no choice.
Huh? What did you do that for? No more junk in the house.
Well, throwin' by the side of the road, who's that gonna help? What a mess! We need to rehire Wade.
Hey, kids, I got ya bikes! Whoa!Wow! I have to admit, that was a pretty good scheme.
Well, schemin's what I do.
Actually, it was Wanda's plan.
Oh.
So you guys owe Wanda one? Yeah, I guess we do.
Actually, getting you guys to wash the car wasn't my idea.
It was Lacey's.
That backfired on her.
Wait a minute.
It was Lacey's idea? Uh-huh.
So I guess you don't owe Wanda one.
You owe me one.
We owe Lacey one, Lacey owes us one.
So nobody owes anybody one.
But, ah, thanks for washing my car.
And doing my floor.
I think I finally understand the word cahoots.
I've seen monkeys on strings.
Oh, you have not.
Come on! Ooah! Nuts! Car trouble? We're gonna miss the concert.
Well, we could help you, but then you'd owe us one.
This is your fault.
My fault? It was your scheme to pull some kind of scheme.
Look at this, a perfectly good pair of pants.
Closed Captioning by * I don't know the same things you don't know * * I don't know I just don't know * * It's a great big place * full of nothin' but space * and it's my happy place * I don't know Yes you do * * You just won't admit it * I don't know the same things you don't know * Want to have a gas online? Visit us at cornergas.
com * I don't know * I just don't know *