Die Hart (2020) s02e05 Episode Script

So, we're done.
I'm Imma, Imma go ahead and
Is fired the word? I guess
I guess it is fired.
So, I'm gonna fire you, but in a
But in a dope way
so that where we still cool.
Imma Imma go on and, uh, and get ready.
My guy.
- It's stunt time.
- Kevin.
This is a terrible idea.
It's stunt time.
Listen, I'm not trying
to show you off.
- Hey!
- It's all good, Mr. Action Star.
Now, you listen to me.
All right, I've been in this business
for goddamn, goddamn, how long? How long?
You telling me that my goddamn reputation
doesn't speak for myself?
It's fucking should!
What, what, what is cap for a shoot?
Does Mackey have a guy?
He does. He everybody's
got a fucking guy, huh?
What about the Adam Driver, man?
You said he's available, huh?
I can I can listen,
I can do work for him.
I can I can be Adam's driver, right?
I yeah no, listen,
I'm serious about that.
I don't give a fuck. I'll drive.
I'll, I'll be Adam's Driver's
driver's driver if I have to.
Goddamn it, Scott. Fuck you.
I've been in
the goddamn business for years.
You know
what? This is my big time.
I really enjoy working.
I find a lot of, uh, peace,
happiness, and, uh, solace,
and creating.
And now, my creating
is about putting other people
in positions to win, um,
amplifying other careers
and opportunities, not just me.
So, hopefully, it continues to grow.
I can't believe my stuntman
would do this to me.
Ex-stuntman.
No, I gotta do something
about this oh. Oh.
- Oh, whoa, whoa, Kevin.
- Uh-oh.
- Oh, no.
- Hey.
Let mom look at this. Hold on.
Oh. Oh, we gotta change this dressing.
Take him to the bedroom. Prop him up.
- Here we go. Here we go.
- Get some wet towels.
- Here we go.
- Shouldn't he go to a hospital?
No. I'll, I'll get him back
on track. It's what I do.
Wait, you're a doctor?
I'm better than a doctor.
I'm a mom.
Left, right, left, right.
He's gonna be fine.
My mom is a miracle worker.
How about you? Are you okay?
Uh, well, not really.
This is my problem too.
Doug probably blames me for losing his job.
That's why he's put me in this
deadly little game of his
just for payback.
Yeah. Okay, that's fine then.
When Kevin gets back to full health,
he will think of an
incredible plan for all of us.
No, no, fuck that. We can't just sit here.
We need to do something. We need
to get to the bottom of this.
Who is the person who Kevin trusts the most?
Uh, his agent.
- Really?
- Yeah.
Let's pay them a visit.
Right now? We can't go right now.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Jordan, we can't go right now.
But what about this?
What about this? You're famous,
Jordan, you get in there,
they're gonna recognize you.
That's a problem.
Second is, Doug actually thinks
that you're dead, right?
You blew up.
Shit. You're right.
Oh, my God. I just thought
of something amazing.
Thank me. Thank me now.
Let me hear it first.
Smart. That's a smart move. Okay.
In the back, there there's a disguise.
I always keep a spare disguise
for Kevin in the back.
Grab that bag real quick.
You have spare disguises.
Yes. I mean,
sometimes Kevin likes
to live anonymously, right?
Whether he wants to go grocery shopping,
feed the ducks, heckle a stranger.
Yeah. I'm not wearing this.
Come on. Did you see all of them real quick?
Like this one right here. Okay.
This one right here
Andre, the road.
I'm doing it. It's a hard left
with my knees, baby.
Look at this.
This is embarrassing.
Just we're lucky that you
and Kevin are in the same size.
You know what I mean?
Think about this as your
greatest acting role to date.
You got this. Okay?
Uh, we're here to see, uh
Scott Hey man.
Okay.
And you are?
Ronald Mondovia the III.
A pleasure to meet you, and this
is the wickedly talented
Bill.
My name is Bill.
Bill Mondovia. We're both Mondovias.
This is my uncle on my mama's side.
Shit fuck, can this man cook a goose?
What was all that before?
Mondovia? That's nobody's surname.
What did you expect? Okay?
I couldn't concentrate.
Your accent was fucking insane.
- My accent?
- Yes,
Bill, Bill, Bill.
It okay. It wasn't great, but I mean
- My accent? I nailed my accent.
- Do you know what? It doesn't
It doesn't matter. It doesn't
matter because there's no way
they're letting us go back
to see Kevin's agent, okay?
They probably all called security.
So, if security comes,
we just pretend
to be Ronald and Bill Mondovia,
the very famous Instagram influencers
who make unboxing videos.
What is this? We unbox it.
And it's a smaller box.
- Okay?
- Look, look, look.
She's going to the loo.
I don't think
that Bill will call it the loo,
though he's more old school.
We're actually about to take a shit.
Play it cool. Play it cool.
Like and subscribe, please.
Okay. Stop,
stop, stop right there.
Right there. That's Kevin's agent.
Who's he talking to?
It's not Kevin.
Shh. Try not to move.
Mr. Kevin Hart needs to regain his strength.
As long as it takes,
you'll be here in my house,
listening to my stories,
eatin' my Christmas pork chops.
Shh.
When my husband was wounded
years ago, I couldn't save him.
But now, I've got a second chance with you.
Kevin Hart, America's treasure.
Cynthia's treasure.
Mom, Mom, put Kevin on.
I can't. He's sleeping.
It's an emergency.
Put him on right now, Mom.
Come on. Wake him up.
Hello? Are you here to rescue me?
I think I've been poisoned.
Kevin, listen up very closely, okay?
We've just been on a deep cover
reconnaissance mission
and we fucking nailed
Doug is you, you've been replaced by Doug.
Wait, what?
Replaced? I don't understand.
And that's because my mommy
just gave you a very low dose narcotic.
Don't worry about it. But when you come to,
you have to understand that Doug
is trying to convince people that he is you.
He's fixed his teeth. He's changed his hair.
- I mean, his mannerism.
- Yeah.
Oh, my God. He's, he's you.
Yeah, well, he can't fool my staff.
They'll know it's not me.
They're my village.
Kevin, Kevin, Kevin.
You get a raise.
That's right. Everybody gets
a raise. Huh? You know why?
'Cause I'm Kevin. I'm Kevin.
Sorry, Kevin is suddenly very
tired. He needs his rest. Bye.
No, no, no, no.
Mom, no, Mom. Mom, do
Shh.
If Kevin wants to get through to Doug,
there's only one man he can talk to.
Mr. 206.
I don't who who's Mr. 206?
He's a pretty famous stuntman,
and he's Doug's mentor.
Okay. Okay, fine. Then this is easy.
We just take Kevin to see Mr. 206.
We? Nope. No way. I
Will not be going to see 206.
He is a complete psychopath.
He nearly killed me in a stunt rehearsal,
and then tried to make me apologize.
Jordan, Jordan, Kevin needs you right now.
- He needs me?
- He does right now.
Oh, I thought Kevin doesn't need
anyone until he needs everyone.
Okay, fine. Then I'll take him
to see Mr. 206.
Why? This is Kevin's problem.
You should just let him go on his own.
No. As long as I'm Kevin's assistant,
I'll never drive himself anywhere.
It's in neutral.
I am so sorry. We're slowing
down. I was trying to go faster.
We did the opposite.
I am so happy my mom was able
to nurse you back to health.
What did you just say to me?
The woman put drugs in my goddamn pork chop.
She tried to poison me.
She's amazing, right? Look at you now.
Okay. Come on. Come on.
So, tell me, why did they call him 206?
'Cause it's 206 bones in the human body.
They said before he became
a mentor in the stunt game
that he broke every single one of 'em.
Actually, no, it was 205, but
then it was last day of filming
and they say he broke the 206th one.
What? Which one was that?
Pinky toe right foot, snapped it.
Goddamn.
Uh, hello?
Uh, 206.
Hey, M-M-Mr. Two hundred and six?
It's 206.
Sign says, "No solicitor." Go away.
Yeah. No, we, we didn't see
a sign. There's no sign.
Who took my fucking sign?
We didn't take it.
Hey, either way, we're not here to solicit.
We're, we're not
We're not selling anything.
You, you don't even
recognize my voice.
And you know who's at the door right now?
This is Kevin Hart, comedian, actor.
I just told you to go
- the fuck away!
- Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay.