Dog with a Blog (2012) s02e05 Episode Script

Come on, Stan, keep up.
You know Hawk is super strict about me being late for work the food truck.
Yet when it comes to meat, he plays fast and loose with the expiration dates.
There he is! This is The Hawk whoa whoa! Wait! I don't know who this is! Unfreeze! Unfreeze! You must be Tyler.
I'm Hawk's sister, Gator! Ow.
I thought he said his sister's name was Leona.
Only on my birth certificate.
You can call me Leona if you want to, but it'll be the last thing you ever say.
Ha ha ha ha! Got it.
So, uh, where's Hawk? - Squatchin'.
- Oh, he's looking for Sasquatch? No! He's living like Sasquatch.
Sleeping in caves, lootin' S'mores from campsites Just like he dreamed of growin' up.
So does this mean you're taking over the food truck? No.
I'm wearing this because I'm a apron model.
What do you think? Well, I think you're taking over the food truck, but if you are an apron model, I don't want to offend you.
I know models can be very sensitive.
Yes, I'm taking over the food truck.
But that doesn't mean I'm not sensitive.
So do I still have a job? Of course.
Hawk said you're hard working, cheerful Never examine your paycheck for typos.
Oh! And FYI, my daughter's stopping by.
We're new in town, she doesn't have any friends.
So you two should meet.
She's super sweet.
- What's her name? - The Beast! Her real name is Emily, but everyone calls her The Beast! Well, I can't wait to meet her.
Well, the thing is, you two have a lot in common.
She's into BMX too.
Probably landed on her face a hundred times, but it always snaps back.
She sounds Rubbery.
Well, I'm sure you two will hit it off.
If you know what I mean.
This is insane.
Hawk's gone and my new boss is trying to set me up with her daughter, The Beast! I don't know what Tyler's so worried about.
I knew a dog named The Beast.
She was a hot little number not what you'd expect.
Ooh hoo, ooh ooh.
There's the sugar.
Ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha! - Oh - Where have you guys been? We were down at Tammy's Buttonhole getting our scrapbook on.
Learned all about embellishments and doo-dads and Not to ask how the store stays in business, because Tammy gets really defensive.
I love it how she says, a picture without a decorative border is just a photo.
Ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha! - Oh, you so had to be there.
- I'm so glad I wasn't.
Hey, you guys are getting your scrap booking junk all over my homework.
This geometric proof is exciting enough.
The glitter is redundant.
Avery, you should go do your homework in the family room.
What? I mean, I always do my homework here.
Why don't you go scrapbook in the family room? Scrap booking in the family room? Ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha ha! Imagine what Tammy would say! Avery, we need the table.
We got more craft bags coming.
That Tammy could sell a scrapbook to a fruit fly.
Get it? Short life, not a lot of memories Why would it need a scrapbook? Ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha! - Good one, E! - Thanks, C! Did you just call each other "E" and "C"? Yeah.
It's scrapper talk.
That's how we do it at the Buttonhole.
Hey, is that my hair clip? It's the one you gave to me.
- Well, I want it back.
- Right now? The clip's holding this whole thing together.
There.
Maybe you and "E" can craft a new one on my homework table.
And if "A" gets a "B" because of "C" and "E" She's gonna be teed off.
Stan, I just did something bad.
Well, just go oh! Aah! Oh! They'll assume you were sick and you couldn't hold it.
You weren't really sick then? I spoon-fed you frosting because you said that's all you could keep down.
If it makes you feel better, the frosting made me sick.
But I think we're all forgetting here that you're the one that just did something bad.
Now, what was it? I just got really mad at Chloe out of nowhere, and I don't know why.
I suspect that I'm right, because I always am, I just don't know why.
Well, you've brought your dysfunction to the right place.
I've recently been helping your Dad out as a therapy dog.
Apparently, petting dogs makes patients more relaxed and happy.
It's actually a real thing, and not just a scam made up by my fake organization, the Petmore Group.
The Petmore Group not a fake organization.
Seriously? The Petmore Group? Why are you wasting my time with this? Wow, you're mad at everyone today.
But I can help you.
I've really learned a lot about being a therapist.
Okay, Mary, I'm trying a new technique.
This is my therapy dog, Stan.
And if you pet him, it will help you relax so we can better deal with your fear of, um Dogs.
But after two weeks she got completely comfortable with me.
In fact, too comfortable.
Obsessive, even.
She's at the window, isn't she? Come on, Mary.
Sorry.
Anyhoo, back to your brand of nuttiness.
I was probably just annoyed that mom and Chloe asked me to leave the table.
As your therapy dog, I suggest that you pee under the table a little bit.
Mark your territory.
It's a technique I'm hoping to be known for someday.
Skinner had his box, Pavlov had his bell, I have my pee-on-things.
Or I could just tell them the table is my homework spot.
- And I need them to respect that.
- Great.
And if that doesn't work Stan, I'm not peeing under the table.
You have to want to get better, Avery! Ooh, The Beast should be here any minute.
Oh.
Too bad I'm gonna miss that.
We're all out of pickled peppers.
I'm gonna go pick a peck of pickled peppers.
By the seashore.
That's nonsense.
I got a peck of pickled peppers right here! The Beast has landed! Emily The Beast Adams.
Not my type, but cute for a human.
And I think Tyler agrees.
Oh This is my little girl.
The Beast! Hey, I'm Tyler, and you do not look like a beast.
Actually, The Beast is for how I ride.
Ya know, I'm a really good rider myself.
No way.
You're too pretty to be any good.
Thank you.
But I can ride as good as any ugly person.
Maybe I should show you around, impress you with my riding skills.
And I might impress you.
You already have.
Remember when I was like this? That was impressed.
Oh, I thought maybe you needed the Heimlich, which I call the hug n' chuck because it sounds more American.
Anyway, you two kids go ride around.
I'm just gonna unpack that peck of pickled peppers and put it in the pantry.
Beast, wait for oh! Uh! Wait for beauty! You're pretty cool.
And you ride like somebody who should have scars all over his face and a couple of missing teeth.
I've hit my head a bunch, but never really hard enough to do any real What was I saying? You're funny.
Thanks for the tour.
And maybe I'll see you around.
Yeah, I hope so.
Hey, tiny dancer, how was your ride? Best ride ever.
Emily is amazing.
Well, I'm glad you two hit it off.
Ya know, I was a little worried at first when you wanted to set me up with her Whoa! Jump off that vine, Tarzan! I thought you two would get along as friends because you both like BMX.
I wasn't trying to set you up with her! But you said it'd be great if you two hit it off, if you know what I mean, then you winked.
I always wink when I say you know what I mean, you know what I mean? Hawk told me about you, he said you were a player with the ladies.
So you better not be making the flirts with my daughter! You know what I mean?! And this is not a wink! I just can't stand to look at you with my whole face! Sweetie, I love this whole individual pizza thing you and mommy came up with.
It gives us a chance to express who we are.
Yours has nothing on it.
It's a deep-dish.
It's all bubbling beneath the surface.
Ham, pepperoni, olive, self-doubt I mean, basil.
All right, well, while we're all here I wanted to talk about the incident that occurred at this very table a short while back Oh! There's a bead on my pizza! Ha ha ha! A scrapping bead! It fell on my pizza! Oh! Take a picture! Ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha! - What are you guys doing? - Real-time scrap booking.
To immortalize this great meal and one day re-live the hilarious pizza bead episode.
Ha ha ha ha! Mom, this episode is barely worth living, let alone re-living.
And you didn't even make the meal.
You just put a bunch of toppings in bowls and opened a jar of sauce! I actually opened the sauce.
Why do I need validation for that? What's going on with you, Avery? Well, I was telling you, but you were so busy with your live scrappin' and shoddy adhesive work I mean, look at Chloe's glue job.
It's all lumps.
Well, Tammy said use a dab.
But what's a dab? A little or a lot? I don't know! Avery, if this how you're gonna behave, you can leave this table and go to your room.
Oh, perfect.
Kick me off the table again.
Maybe this time I'll just take it with me.
I said maybe! Why do I have to do this before I lay down? Stan, I need your help.
It's about Emily.
The Beast? Who it turns out is gorgeous.
Called it! Why don't you step into my office and we'll discuss it.
Just a few rules; You might feel the urge to pet me.
Don't.
That's called transference.
If you need comforting you can pet my therapy monkey, Robert.
But please, do not put him in your mouth.
Because then I'll have to bark at you and it'll undermine the process by reminding you that dogs are not therapists.
- Now, then - Ya know what? I'm good.
Oh! Robert! - I'll just stay away from Emily.
- Easier said than done.
You need some behavioral therapy tools.
Like what? Stay away from Emily! Oh, man she's here.
She's so cute.
Don't think like that! Hey, you're back.
You don't have to play it super casual.
- I like you too.
- You got all that from hey, you're back? That and the fact that you said, she's so cute, don't think like that, and hit yourself in the head with a newspaper.
The Beast! Did you tell Tyler the news? I was just about to.
Hey, Tyler, guess what? I'm gonna be working here with you.
Sweet! You know, so she can have money for incidentals or incidents that require dental.
As for your dental plan If you want to keep your teeth, you'll keep things professional between you and Emily.
And brush and floss regularly.
All right, you heard what your mom said.
This job means a lot to me, and I don't want to mess that up.
So we have to keep our distance, because it's getting pretty hot in here.
That's because you're leaning on the grill.
Oh.
You know what? We just have to get to work and start making the burgers.
Not the flirts.
You mean like this? Ooh ooh ooh.
Ooh ooh ooh.
Whoa! I told her this was wrong! Well, of course it's wrong.
That's not how you make patties! Ya gotta slap that meat like it pinched your heinie and called you Leona! Let me show ya how.
Oh, I'm sorry, I sweated off most of my deodorant before I got to work.
Ooh ooh ooh.
This isn't working.
We're flirting too much.
Gator's gonna see.
I think one of us is gonna have to quit.
Or we could just start dating and keep it a secret.
Not on my watch.
I got mustard on my watch.
So Avery hates me all of a sudden and I don't know why.
Okay, well, this kind of puts me in an awkward position.
You see, Avery is also one of my patients.
Oh, good.
I'm glad she's getting help.
The only advice I can give you is; Be extra nice to Avery.
Drop a dead bird at her feet.
And it that doesn't work, scratch under her chin, behind her ear, maybe a little bit on the top of her head.
Oh.
My five-thirty is here.
That's gonna have to be it for today.
All right.
Thanks, Stan.
So do you have any dead birds I could maybe Yeah, no, I don't think so.
I kinda need all the ones I have.
Stan, I'm having major issues with Emily.
Stay away from Emily! I've been doing that.
It doesn't work.
Have you tried the Sunday edition? Emily wants to date and keep it a secret, but her mom thinks I'm a player.
Well, her mom has a point.
You are kind of a player.
Ha ha! Oh, yeah! No! I mean, not with this girl.
No, Emily's different.
She's like the girl me.
I wouldn't play my girl self.
I would treat her like the lady she is.
Well, then just tell her mom that.
I mean, not about treating your girl self like a lady, because I'm not sure that means what you think it means.
But tell her that you're not going to be that way with her daughter.
Okay? And I will not be that way with your daughter.
Well, I respect you for being up front with me.
And to show you my gratitude, I'm going to give you a ten-minute head start.
Go.
You're so funny, that's actually what I like most about - Go! - Aah! What are you doing?! - Stan said this would help.
- Well, it's not.
He had one other suggestion.
What is that? My old goldfish, Ralph SkimmerScooter.
Stan wouldn't give me one of his dead birds, so I dug up Ralph.
We good? Chloe, that is disgusting.
You don't dig up your pets.
I was just trying to do something nice.
It's not nice.
Well, you're not nice.
- I don't appreciate having dead animals - That is so rude What's going on here? Girls, what's going on? Chloe is being dramatic.
Probably because she's been hanging out with you too much.
Avery, that is no way to talk to your mother.
You shoulda heard how she was talking to Ralph! Ralph! I don't understand what is going on here.
Bennett, please help me out here.
All right, let's go.
My office.
Now.
I thought I sensed some tension around the house.
Maybe it's time for a little professional intervention.
Are you poaching my clients? I knew I shoulda peed on them! So, we're gonna do a little group therapy session.
Chloe, you start.
Well, I was just getting my scrapbook on, and then Avery took my hair clip.
And how did that make you feel? I don't know.
Sad, I guess.
It's just a stupid clip, but you gave it to me, Avery, so it was special.
Chloe, I Sweetie.
We can go to Tammy's and craft a new clip, have a little "E" and "C" time.
Oh, barf in my mouth! All you've been having is "E" and "C" time! You go to the Mall together, the store, you help her out at school.
I mean, what kind of adult spends so much time with a seven-year-old? - A mother, Avery.
- Well, you were my mother first.
I'm sorry.
I don't know where that came from.
This is what we call a breakthrough.
Come on, Chloe.
I think your mommy and Avery need a little "E" and A time.
You and I can have some "B" and "C" time.
Don't talk like a scrapper if you're not a scrapper.
It's moments like this that make those four minutes I spent making my fake diploma all worth it.
Come on, Stan.
I want to show you something.
Look at you.
You look like an itty-bitty bug.
I just wanted to pin you to a board and hang you on a wall.
You always know just what to say if not how to say it.
That's why I started scrap booking, to remember when you were little and needed me.
Those were some of the best times of my life.
You know, I'm Always trying to be so independent and mature.
But the truth is, sometimes I wish I was Just a little kid again, and I had my mom.
Oh, Sweetie! You always have your mom! Always! Why don't we go do something together? Just you and me.
I would love that.
But first, I have to return this hair clip to Chloe.
That's sweet, honey.
And then what do you say we go to the Mall and do a little shopping? Oh, that'd be great.
We should go to one of your old lady places, I don't want my friends to see me.
I know she's out there somewhere.
Hey, Tyler.
Dad, I just want to let you know that everything I am is because of you.
Do not pin that on me.
And mom, I just want to tell you that Aah! What? Is something on my face? In my nose? Do I have a dangler? Gator's come for me.
I've got to make a run for it.
I can bite her.
As a therapist I could be sued, but as a dog I could be muzzled.
I better bite her as a therapist.
No need, Stan.
I'm getting out of here.
Aah! I'm not gonna hurt you.
I was looking in the window to make sure I didn't get the wrong house again.
Scared a couple of your neighbors, tripped a couple of alarms.
Well, it took 'em long enough.
I could have cleaned that place out and taken a bath.
The point it, when I got here and I was looking through the windows I, overheard your mom and sister talking about girls growing up and getting independent and I realized that Emily is not going to be my little girl forever.
I have to her make her own decisions about who to date.
Thanks, Gator.
You can call me mom.
You can use our bath.
Please.
Anyone seeing this? Anyone gonna, you know, do anything? No? You're just gonna let this happen? Nothing? Nobody? Hello? Well, Mary eventually brought me back home.
Despite my best efforts, I could not get her to be afraid of dogs again.
Good thing she's afraid of clowns.
Sorry I tracked mud in the house earlier.
Oops.
Okay, Chloe, you have to stop dropping dead animals by people.
Especially when it's dinner, Sweetie.
Now please pick up that chicken and rinse it off.
I'm not eating this, it's been on the floor.
Where did she get the idea to drop dead animals at peoples feet? My fault, I'm sorry, please accept this apology rat.
Ah! Oh! Oops I guess it wasn't really dead.
Just as well I wasn't really sorry.