Dollface (2019) s02e05 Episode Script

I mean, I'd marry me.
Look at this.
She's eligible.
Smile! "Tinis for the girls"? What girls? If you think that's bad, you don't wanna see what else I dug up.
What the hell? Madison said she had a work thing tonight.
But, what girls? Stella's with Liv, and Izzy is with Liam, hence my pasta for one.
Jules, Jules, Jules.
I got the dirt and it's filthy.
Posted 24 minutes ago.
Another martini? Ruby's Instagram story! I'm sorry to tell you this, but they're together.
No! Yes.
Same blue cheese olives, same toothpick.
- You do the math.
- Well, Madison said it was a work thing, so they're probably meeting a potential client.
That look like business casual to you? That's not one of her work tops! That's a going out top! I got a whole dossier on those two! Venmo transactions with just a wine emoji.
Overheard inside jokes.
Face it, doll, your BFF is stepping out on you.
She's having a friend affair! No! You gonna eat that? Are you working or can I complain to you about something? Did you know Rami Malek has a twin brother named Sami Malek? Unhinged.
I'll take that as a "no" on the working.
- Okay, who are we shit-talking? - No one.
Well, uh, Madison's new friend Ruby.
Sort of, but I don't wanna say anything bad about anyone.
Then I'm gonna lose interest in this pretty quickly.
It's just she and Madison are always together.
They went from 0 to 1,000 percent annoying.
Isn't Madison the one you're lying to about fucking the veterinarian? Oh.
I forgot I told you that.
But, it's actually really complicated.
- Okay, bitch, bullet points.
- Okay.
He's telling his ex this weekend that she needs to move out.
- Wow, boundaries! Love to see it.
- I know.
He's driving her to her parents' house in Arizona for the 4th.
So, he's just gonna, like, leave her in Arizona? That's the plan! And once he does that, I can come clean to Madison about all the, you know, lying to her.
Aw.
I'm so happy for you.
That's beautiful.
Why'd you stop my scroll for this? Because I need some non-Ruby time with Madison to have this conversation.
Okay, so just make plans with Madison that Ruby's not invited to.
Millennials make things so complicated.
Your baby doesn't need a gender reveal, and your problems are not that hard.
Well, I am not great at excluding people.
Really? It's like my top skill.
For example, I'm having a huge party this weekend, and I did not invite one person from the office.
Right Wait, what? Literally not one.
Bye! Have a good day! I know what we're doing this weekend! - Helping out with a water birth? - Oh my God! - Our kiddie pool! - No fucking way! Wait, what, this object means something to you guys? Okay, immediately feeling left out.
It's our kiddie pool from Codependence Day.
Sorry, I'm still behind.
What is Codependence Day? It sounds not-not perfect for my general attachment style.
It is a holiday we invented in college.
Summer after freshman year, we all had horrible Fourth of Julys.
We had to split up and go to separate parties with the guys we were dating at the time.
I got food poisoning, Madison almost lost an eye, and Jules got, like, a medically bad sunburn.
You should be able to sue a man for giving you shampoo and telling you it's sunscreen.
But, the next day was July 5th, which we spent together, and we decided to create our own holiday, not of our forefathers, but our foremothers.
I can't believe it's been almost a decade since our first Codependence Day.
I mean, I also can't believe you still have the kiddie pool that we stole from that fraternity.
Well, they more than deserved it.
Fraternities are basically hate crime festivals featuring beer pong.
I was so good at beer pong.
Jules, it's not like you to take initiative and bring back our traditions.
- Is one of us dying? - No! I just miss you guys.
We've all been so busy.
I really think she might be dying.
You remind me of me right now.
I like it.
I'm in.
Yeah, and we can do it on the rooftop of my building.
There's a grill, a place to fill up the kiddie pool.
- It's perfect.
- Perfect.
Sorry, I just I haven't, like, clearly heard my invite Izzy, you're obviously invited! Tradition-wise, you've been grandfathered in.
Uh, grandmothered.
- Thank you.
- You know, you wake up, you think it'll be a normal day, and then everything changes.
- Yes! - Can I, um, can I bring Liv to this? I mean, you just haven't been able to spend that much time with her, so maybe it could be a good thing? Codependence Day did have a pretty strict no boyfriends rule.
I mean, wouldn't that also mean no girlfriends? Liv is not my girlfriend.
We're also not in a relationship.
Is that something I'm considering? Maybe.
Is that something she's considering? Well, no idea.
She never wants to fucking talk about it.
Blurry relationship status aside, I say we allow it.
- Liv-invite granted.
- Now that I think about it, I did tell Ruby that we could do something this weekend.
One more addition? Um I don't think so.
Unfortunately, the founding principles of Codependence Day imply that more than two additions could start to erode the integrity of the holiday.
Erode the integrity? What do you want me to say? I didn't make the rules.
Well, you actually do because this is a fake thing that we invented.
Is it okay if this weekend is just us? I miss you.
- Okay, maybe she is dying.
- Mm-hmm.
- Aright.
Are you ready? - Yes.
Hurry up, woman.
On this day, she said, "Let there be light!" Basking.
I am basking in the glow.
I don't even like Instagram, but I feel the urge to be basic and take a picture.
- Yeah, that means it's working.
- It makes me wanna use the word - "vibey?" I think I'm scared.
- No, don't fight it.
That's what these signs are for.
So, I'm hanging out with the girls this weekend, and I would love for you to come.
Whoa.
Got lost in the sign for a second.
I'm back.
Sorry, what? I think it'd be fun if you came.
It's this holiday we came up with when we were in college on the fifth of July.
It's called Codependence Day.
What, you celebrate being codependent with each other? No.
I mean, yes, but in a tone less stupid than the one you just said it in.
I can't bring Bruno to a sorority party.
He's 7.
Although, I do sense he already has, like, mad game.
Yeah.
It's not a big deal.
I just, you know, want us to do more stuff together, and with Bruno.
- Just want us to be like girl - Stel.
Yeah.
We talked about not talking about this.
Yeah.
No, of course.
Not gonna be codependent about Codependence Day.
- Wanna see what this one does? - Yeah.
Huh.
Hopefully, this one doesn't break.
- Do you get it? - Mm.
Hi.
You're about to leave? Well, I look forward to being alone with you in your apartment when your ex-girlfriend doesn't live there.
I'm excited, too.
- Jules.
- God.
Celeste, sorry.
I didn't hear you.
You're like a Prius in heels.
More like a Tesla in heels.
I have good news.
You can stay in my house in Malibu for the weekend.
I'm going to Nantucket.
You're welcome.
Uh, actually, I have plans with my friends That wasn't an invitation.
I need you to stay there.
Last year, a bunch of beach bums hopped the fence, and I had to drain the whole pool.
- Celeste, I really can't.
I - Jules, - I don't ask you for much.
- Um, I mean, I'm literally at your beck and call.
You ask me for a ton.
You poor thing.
Been trapped into staying in a luxury beach house with a salt water pool.
I'm such a monster.
This is the part where you thank me, and I smile gracefully.
Right.
Thank you, Celeste.
Ooh, that was graceful.
I know.
- Hi, it's me! - Oh, hi! - We cleared out Costco.
- We? Oh yeah.
Ruby and I were having lunch, and she offered to be an extra set of hands on my supply run.
I mean, the way I shop in bulk, we honestly could've used a sherpa.
Plus, I've never been there, and I've always wondered what it was like.
You've never been to a Costco? I think I was conceived in one.
Nope.
It was kind of like a warehouse party, but with no DJ and a lot of ugly jeans.
Mm-hmm.
So, what's up? Getting excited for this weekend? Oh, it's fine! Ruby knows it's an old tradition.
- Plus, she has plans this weekend.
- Yeah, I'm going to a barbecue at the less hot Chainsmokers' house.
He does have the better personality though.
Naturally.
Um, I actually came over to talk to you about this weekend.
What if I told you that instead of the roof of your building, I found a beautiful Malibu beach house to celebrate Codependence Day? Uh, that sounds amazing.
How did you pull that off? Let's just say I know a person.
Are you kidding me? Celeste? Wait, Celeste, like Colin's ex? - Look at Ruby knowing all the names.
- Wait, Jules, you're kidding me, right? She's making house-sit, and I can't get out of it.
And I know it sounds bad, but she's not gonna be there, so there's technically nothing to worry about! Wait, nothing to worry about? That house is fucking haunted for me.
I mean, you really want me to go back to the place where I had sex with Colin in every room? I know, but it is virtually unrecognizable.
Celeste completely renovated after they separated.
- You can't renovate adultery, Jules! - No, it's true.
My father bulldozed a townhouse in Manhattan trying.
It was my childhood home.
Honestly, if it's gonna be at that house, then look, just celebrate without me, I guess.
What?! No way! It's not Codependence Day without you! I'm too codependent for that! Well, I can't go there.
Literally.
So, I'm sorry, but - I'm out.
- I'm sorry.
Do you think this Costco place will take back 50 partially defrosted hot dogs? You know, whoever said money can't buy happiness has never been - to a waterfront property in Malibu.
- Agree.
Ocean views are like nature's Xanax.
Jules, can you not enjoy yourself just a little bit? It just feels wrong without Madison here.
I said we could chill, but I just wanna make it very clear that we are not having fun, and we are not celebrating Codependence Day without her.
Exactly.
We are just three independent women enjoying some quality time by themselves.
- Next to each other.
- I'm used to not celebrating Codependence Day, so I'm good.
So have you talked to hot guitar guy? What's going on with that? Hot guitar guy remains hot, and, uh I actually ended up telling Wes I hung out with him.
Oh my God! You're like the Bachelorette.
Well, I think it was a much-needed wake-up call for him.
It inspired some big moves.
That's all I'll say.
Since we're not celebrating Codependence Day, Liv might not be as opposed to coming over.
You wanna invite your girlfriend then? She is not my girlfr - She's a girl that's a friend.
- She's a girl that's a friend.
And she's gone.
- Hey.
What's up? - Hey.
So, I am at this stupid gorgeous beach house, and I really think that you and Bruno should come.
Babe, we discussed this.
No, it's not Codependence Day.
I promise.
It's just a hang.
- And there's a pool.
- Wait, a pool? - Yeah, text me the address.
- Okay.
Well, my not-girlfriend Liv and Bruno are coming over.
That's great! I'm really good with kids.
Mostly because they think I'm the same age as them.
Oh! That was quick.
You tell people you have a pool, they do not fuck around.
Codependence Day is back on! Holy shit! You're here! Really? Apparently, Costco's return policy is very strict when it comes to meat.
- Ruby.
- I'm sorry I got weird about coming here.
Ruby and I talked about it, and she told me I'll never get over Colin if I avoided coming over here.
Wow.
Isn't that nice of her, huh? I'm very good at overcoming emotional trauma.
- It's basically my superpower.
- My superpower is knowing every single celebrity baby name.
Hi! I'm Izzy.
Hi.
I'm Ruby.
I brought hot dogs and $200 Champagne! Well, Liv is gonna be mad at me, but I need a drink.
Pop that shit! Okay, this is my first Codependence Day.
Very huge for me.
Where do we start? Well, an early tradition would be shotgunning five beers in five minutes to honor the 5th of July.
But, that's not gonna be happening today.
What? I need a taste of that college-Stella vintage wildness.
No, I promised Liv it was gonna be more of a low-key, child-friendly pool hang.
'Kay, but she's not here yet, so what if you shotgun one beer in one minute to honor the one and only addition of your new best friend, who is me.
- Let me get a beer.
- Yes! I'm glad I came today.
I've missed you, too.
- Really? - Of course! Yeah, I've just been so busy trying to meet new clients.
And you! I don't even know where you've been.
That's actually something I wanted to talk to you about today.
Um I wanted to tell you with a proper glass of Codependence Day punch in our hands.
I think we're missing a few ingredients.
Oh yeah.
This thing had, like, 15 types of liquor in it.
I will go grab them.
Be right back.
Hey, uh, are you back already? - No, I'm still here.
- I thought you were gonna talk on the drive, and then leave after you dropped her off.
I know.
I was having the conversation with Lucy in the car, but we pulled up to her house, - her mom came out crying.
- Her mom? She found out that Lucy's dad has another family in Portland right before we got there, and now he's leaving them, and I'm here consoling a 70-year-old woman.
You're kidding.
This is a really unfunny bit you're doing.
I literally don't know what to say.
I'm starting to feel like the universe is conspiring against us or something.
Is that sobbing? Yeah, it's her mom.
She's been crying.
She and Lucy keep talking about watching a Nancy Meyers marathon.
I'm not gonna lie, Jules, it's bad.
Unclear on how to extricate myself from the marathon.
This was supposed to be the end of this, Wes.
I just don't know how we can keep doing this.
- I'm gonna go.
- Okay.
I was looking for some mustard.
- You heard all that, I assume.
- Yeah.
I've heard about that whole Wes situation, - his girlfriend - Ex-girlfriend.
Right.
Of course.
Sorry.
- Madison talked to me about it.
- She did? Well, uh, if you could just not say anything.
So, keep it between us? No, uh, not a secret in the shady sense.
I'm going to talk to her.
I just want it to come from me in the right way, so she'll understand.
Totally.
All good.
So, uh mustard? Hey, girl.
Codependence Day cocktail.
Thank you.
Smells amazing.
- Oh, it's amazing.
- Cheers.
Cheers.
Bruno! - Bruno! - Hey, guys.
You must be here for the pool.
Sorry.
He doesn't get out of the city much.
I should probably go after him.
He's not a great swimmer.
He's had, like, three lessons, and they were over Zoom.
Woo! Chug! Chug! Chug chug chug! Chug! Hey! - Wow, you guys came fast! Wow! - We'll just stay for a bit.
- Hi.
- Hey! Don't wanna mess up Codependence Day, which I was told was not happening.
- I wanna go in the pool.
- Yes! Yes, let's go in the pool.
Here, uh, here's a little floaty for you.
Perfect! Alright! Yes! This is fun, hey? There's beer on your chin.
- Hey, lady.
- Me? Don't you think I can eat more popsicles than her? That's impossible.
I'd bury you in a popsicle eating contest.
- I bet she can't.
- It's on.
Should we stop this? My money's on the kid.
Ready? Go.
- Are you kidding me?! - I know, I know.
I knew it.
I knew she was gonna tell you! Yes, fine! I'm hooking up with Wes! You're sleeping with Wes? - Oh boy.
- Of course you told her.
I was an idiot to think that you wouldn't.
You knew about this? I just found out.
She made me promise not to tell you.
You made Ruby lie to me, too? Was she not, uh, telling you just now? She was telling me how she dropped her contact in Diplo's yacht and got pinkeye.
Oh, God.
Look, I was going to tell you today after Wes and Lucy had their talk - to clean all this up.
- You've been lying to me.
- This whole time.
- I Because I knew you didn't approve, and it was just going to upset you! You're right! It does! I mean, how can it not after what happened to me with Colin? This is a completely different situation, okay? It is just not the same.
If his girlfriend is still in the picture, Jules, it's more similar than you think.
Do you understand the guilt I carry around feeling like the other woman.
I wouldn't wish that upon anyone, especially you.
I didn't know that he lied, that I was hurting someone.
I mean, this house is filled with my shame.
Celeste?! What the hell is going on? Ew! Whoa I win! I win.
Told you.
That is why I had to have the pool drained last year.
You didn't tell me you were having friends over.
Jules, you told me she wouldn't be here.
I trusted you, Jules, and you betrayed me! She didn't betray.
I betrayed you.
She betrayed me.
I know you betrayed me, but she betrayed me by having a pool party with my betrayer.
I understand you're hot, okay? You're super fucking pissed.
We're all real emotional, but nobody betrayed anyone! You invited her here without telling me.
That's betrayal! I canceled the party, and I showed up uninvited.
I broke up your marriage! I am the betrayer! She lied to me about sleeping with Wes, so she's a betrayer, too, but she didn't betray you, okay? What? Who's Wes? We said "betray" too many times! I'm lost! Enough! That's enough! That's enough.
Jules, I'm sorry.
I should've texted you to let you know I was coming home earlier.
You're apologizing to me? I want to apologize to you, too, Madison.
Can we talk? I stopped being mad at you a year ago.
You know, Colin played both of us.
You're not "the other woman.
" You're another woman who's just as heartbroken and lied to as I was.
You shouldn't beat yourself up about it or feel guilty.
Wow.
I mean, thank you.
That really means a lot to me, Celeste.
Besides, you're nowhere near as annoying as that wannabe influencer who he's engaged to.
She has two Instagram accounts for her dogs.
Her captions are so dumb! And the post about her eating pizza on a beach? I mean, like, really? Well, I do that.
- I do, too.
I love pizza on the beach.
- Yeah.
It's delicious.
He's gonna be okay.
Izzy is, too.
Hey, you were great with him.
- Thanks for all the help.
- Yeah.
Some major Mama Bear energy just came outta me.
Listen, the only relationship I've had in the last few years has been with Bruno.
It's just always been such a big risk letting anyone in.
I don't want him to get attached to someone if they don't plan to stick around.
Him or you? - Both.
- Well, I hate to break it to you, but you're kinda stuck with me.
Remember that bar we're opening up together? - Hm.
- Yeah.
Wanna be my girlfriend? Do you wanna be mine? - I was pretty good today.
- You were okay.
Well, you and Celeste really seemed to hit it off back there.
Well, we both have the same exact taste in men.
Bad.
I'm so sorry I lied to you about Wes.
I was just waiting for the situation to become unmessy before I told you about it.
- You can't make it unmessy? - No.
I mean, we've obviously always been into each other, but the timing just hasn't been right for us.
I'm starting to think it's more than just timing.
This thing with Lucy? That is major codependence.
I just think it's finally time to move on.
It's not good for me.
I'm proud of you.
And, God, I'm sorry I blew up at Ruby.
I guess I am codependent with you.
- Oh, God! Am I worse than Wes? - No! But we may have to let Codependence Day go the way of Columbus Day.
I know.
That never should've been a holiday to begin with.
Uh, ladies! Toast! Oh.
I don't understand this little cesspool, but why not? To the new couple, Stella and Liv.
To our foremothers.
To our last Codependence Day!