DuckTales (2017) s02e05 Episode Script

1 [MUSIC PLAYS.]
Introducing Louie, Incorporated! It's a business.
It's a dream.
It's a movement.
Suits.
Ties.
Charts.
Numbers.
Yachts.
Jet skis.
You? Louie, Incorporated! It's a dream, business, movement.
- [MUSIC SWITCHES OFF.]
- Did you just do an Internet search for the word "business"? That's a trade secret.
So is it some kind of lemonade stand or? It's a dream of tomorrow made manifest today.
Okay, so there's some things I haven't figured out yet.
Like what your business sells, does, and is.
Sure, yeah, but this business is everything to me.
I want to be a successful businessman like you, 'cause you're, like, my idol and possibly angel investor? You cannae just set out to make money.
You have to find a problem and offer a solution.
My problem is, I need money.
And if you would just give it to me already, problem solutioned.
Louie, Louie, Louie.
Look at your Uncle Donald.
He saw there was a housing shortage in Duckburg, so he's renting out the spare room in his houseboat.
Problem, solution.
He's helping people, and Is he stealing my chandelier? Oi! But it takes money to make money, right? I just need a tiny little bit, and I'll get out of your hair.
All right, lad.
How much do you need? - 2.
5 billion, please.
- [SNICKERING.]
[UPROARIOUS LAUGHTER.]
[LAUGHTER CONTINUES.]
- Fancy! - [THUDDING.]
Waah! Earthquake! Batten down the hatches! [GASPS.]
Aw, phooey! O glorious day! The gods smile upon our meeting.
Ha, ha! Storkules? You gotta go.
My new tenant will be here any minute.
Me wonderest what blessed soul be so fortunate as to share quarters with the legendary Donald Duck, hmm? I don't know.
Go, before you scare him away! But wouldst that even be possible if your new roommate were incapable of feeling fear, hmm? Oh, no.
If indeed he were the Defender of Delphi, the Lion of Lindos - Oh, no.
- For what if he be I, Storkules! Slumber party! [SHOUTING.]
Life is like a hurricane Here in Duckburg Race cars, lasers, airplanes It's a duck-blur We might solve a mystery Or rewrite history Ducktales, whoo-ooh Every day they're out there making Ducktales Whoo-ooh Tales of derring-do Bad and good-luck tales Whoo-ooh D-d-danger lurks behind you There's a stranger out to find you What to do? Just grab on to some Ducktales Whoo-ooh Every day they're out there Making Ducktales Whoo-ooh Tales of daring bad and good Not ponytails or cottontails - No, Ducktales! - Whoo-ooh! Ah! Ha, ha! Why, oh, why? Why do our journeys cosmically intersect like Damon and Pythias? No, why are you here? Oh.
Father Zeus grew agitated with my lute playing, so he rained a hail of harpies upon my merriment, causing much chaos in Maceduckia.
As punishment for my childish gaiety, Father cast me out and ordered me to become a responsible adult.
So I thought, who better to teach me than the most responsible man I know? Oh A successful business must find a problem and solve it.
And that, my employees, is what we are here to figure out.
We're not your employees, we're your family.
At Louie Inc.
, family are the greatest employees of all.
I mean, except Dewey.
Dewey would make a terrible employee.
[INHALES SHARPLY.]
This is clearly a bad idea.
Well, then, I guess Webby will have to be - Chief Chart Officer.
- [GASPS.]
Ooh! Yeah.
Gonna need a lot of charts.
And checklists.
Plus maybe checklists for those charts.
Webby'll be great.
- Gah! Okay, fine.
I'm in! - [WEBBY GRUMBLES.]
Okay team, let's brainstorm.
What do people need? Infinite cookies! Crocheted hand grenade holders! - Oh! Free hugs! - Why don't you just sell lemonade? Ugh.
Lemonade is small potatoes.
- Oh! Potato-ade! - [GROANS.]
[SNORING.]
- [CRASHING.]
- [EXCLAIMS.]
[SMOKE ALARM BEEPING.]
Cohabitant Donald! Good morrow! - My kitchen! - Oh, Donald, 'twas nearly disastrous.
Your sto-o-ve made a horrible hissing sound when activated.
Clearly a foe filled it with dangerous vipers.
So I wrested the infernal snake box from the wall and threw it to safety! But now, we eat and restore our heroic vigor.
So how long do you plan to stay? Why, until I become a responsible adult like you.
"Roommate Responsibility.
" What hallowed creed be this? "Quiet hours from 7:00 to 6:00.
" Hmm.
"Don't use my toothpaste.
" Uh-huh.
And pay your rent on time.
Rent? Why, I assumed I'd pay with good cheer and eternal friendship.
Ahoy-hoy! - "Friendship is not money.
" Hmm.
- You need a job.
By Helios's Chariot! A jo-o-b.
- That sounds most responsible.
- [SCREECHING.]
They followed me from Greece! I must wrangle those wretches so I can get back to my glorious labor of roommate responsibility.
No pets! By the way, there is orzo in the slow cooker.
Do not open it [GASPS.]
lest the pasta fail to absorb the broth! - Bye! - Waah! But, Louie, how can we have a corporate retreat if we don't even know what the business is yet? That's why we're here To kick loose.
You know, let the creativity flow.
We'll come up with a business idea in no time.
Hmm.
We've already spent our entire annual budget on skee-ball, so company done? Everyone relax, okay? Our company just needs to find a problem to solve.
- [PATRONS SCREAMING.]
- [BOTH GASP.]
[SCREECHING.]
Just any problem at all.
- [SCREECHES.]
- [SCREAMS.]
My eyes! My delicate costume eyes! [ALL SCREAMING.]
Sit! Heel! Shoo! - [GAME BEEPING.]
- Ha! - [SCREECHES.]
- [CRYING.]
Where fun is in the [POWERS DOWN.]
[CRYING.]
[SCREECHING.]
Harpies, be gone! Woo-hoo-hoo! Thank you, kind sir! You saved us! How can I repay you? A hero labors not for personal gain, only $500 plus tax.
We also accept Funzo Bucks.
You're hired! [GASPS.]
You mean, a job? Welcome to Harp-B-Gone, - a division of Louie Inc.
- Hurrah! Oh, roommate responsibility.
[GASPS.]
Oh, no.
The toga holder.
[GRUNTS, EXCLAIMS.]
What's going on? Oh, nothing.
[CHUCKLES.]
Just going to work.
I'm off to my job.
Nothing like the dignity of a hard day's labor.
[CAMERA BEEPS, WHIRRS.]
Mother, Father, what a beautiful and harpy-free day for a helpless mortal tot like me to enjoy.
Goo-goo and gah-gah! Yes, sirree.
So glad there's no harpies around.
Right, sweetums? You said it, hubby.
Who wrote this? - [SCREECHING.]
- A harpy! Oh, what's a hapless babe to do? I hath made a mighty boom boom in my diapie! I'm Louie Duck, founder and C.
E.
O.
of Harp-B-Gone.
We're the leading task force dedicated to humanely capturing those pesky winged beasts infesting Duckburg.
Remember, if you hear a "skree," call Louie.
Harp-B-Gone not responsible for any shredding, pecking, clawing, tinnitus, exploding ear drums and-or permanent fear of birds.
Employer Llewellyn, if I may, why do we play dress-up when there are still harpies afoot? If someone sees a harpy, they have to know who to call and pay lots of money to get rid of it.
You better hope someone calls, because we're already broke.
Guys, are the harpies really so bad? Instead of capturing them, why don't we just channel their passion into something positive for society.
The problem can't be the solution, Webby.
That's just business.
If we're gonna trap them, we're gonna have to figure out what they want.
No mortal can know the mind of the featherless beast face.
Ha! The Junior Woodchuck Guidebook knows.
- Harpies: flying beats of myth that steal - [SCREECHES.]
Oh, no! The thing I love most! "Steals the thing you love most.
" Huh, says it right there.
Hmm.
We're in business! [PHONES RINGING.]
Harp-B-Gone, please hold.
Harp-B Gone, please hold.
- [ALARM RINGING.]
- [SCREECHING.]
[LAUGHS.]
[SCREECHING.]
[SCREECHES.]
[CASH REGISTER RINGS.]
[SCREECHING.]
[CASH REGISTER RINGS.]
[SCREECHES.]
[SHOUTING.]
[CASH REGISTER RINGING.]
[SCREECHING.]
[LAUGHING.]
[SCREECHING.]
[MUMBLING.]
[MALE ANNOUNCER.]
L-L-Live from McDuck Manor, it's Dewey Dewnight, with our very special guests, the hottest name in supernatural pest removal, Harp-B-Gone! So-ho, Louie, my bro, C.
E.
O.
, what's next for Harp-B-Gone? Merchandise! I gotta tell you, selling out is everything I've dreamed it would be.
We got Harpy-B-Gone pop-up books [GASPS.]
The harpy talon grabber arm.
And the kids love this one The harpy skree-mask.
- Foul hex of Hades, they've reproduced! - [GROANS.]
Stop squirming, vile harpy child! Storkules, it's me, Huey! So you've been at this for weeks.
When are these Harp-B's finally gonna B gone? [LAUGHS.]
Who knows? Years, decades, hopefully never? Worry not.
The harpies are vanquished.
We captured the last cur today! Huzzah! [GASPS.]
We what? Meeting at headquarters in 10 seconds.
Storkules, the harpies aren't really gone, are they? Indeed they are.
Our business endeavor is a smashing success! And my heroic labor of responsibility is nigh complete! There's no business without the harpies! But I thought wrangling the beasts was the point of the business.
The point of the business is to make money! Or we could work with the harpies.
I've been training them.
I already got them to roll over a couple of times before they gnawed through the floor.
I've been figured out how to get them to listen, and Or we could keep the monsters locked up, you can pay us, and we'll call it a day.
Oh, yeah.
[LAUGHS.]
Right.
No problem.
Yeah.
I'll just reach into my pocket, where the money is [CHUCKLES.]
and your money is comi-i-i-ing You spent all the money on the merchandise, didn't you? Yep, sure did.
But we can sell it and make billions! Or I could pay you in-in grabber arms, perhaps? I cannot pay my rent.
I hath failed my heroic labor of responsibility.
If I be not a hero, be I a zero? Don't worry, Storkules.
I will figure something out.
[HARPIES SCREECH.]
[SNORING.]
[MUTTERING.]
- [SQUEAKS.]
- What? Huh? What? Huh? Ah - [SCREECHING.]
- [GASPING.]
[YAWNS, SNORES.]
[RELIEVED SIGH.]
- [GASPS.]
- [GASPS.]
Corporate Overlord Llewellyn! What art thou doing? I just wanted to check to see if they were locked in safely.
[SCREECHING.]
Yep, everything looks good, so you can just go, I guess.
Of course! Employer Llewellyn, you have the honesty and integrity of a true hero, - just like your uncle.
- Fine.
I was gonna let them out, okay? I have to save the business! [SNORES.]
- Quick, hide! - [DUCK SQUEAKS.]
Sometimes your solution to a problem is so good, there's no more problem, which is itself a problem, so you have to make a new problem so you can sell a solution.
Do you see my problem? [SCREECHING.]
Oh, vexing riddle! If we unleash the savages, they'll destroy Duckburg and take countless innocent lives, but if we leave them here, I'll miss my rent payment.
[SCREECHING, POUNDING.]
[GRUNTING.]
Help, lest the harpies disturb Donald's delicate slumber! Hey, what's going on? [CHUCKLES.]
Just, you know, getting a midnight snack.
Rumbles in the tumbles.
[GULPS, GROANS.]
We should let you get back to your beauty rest.
Not that your classical visage could get any more statuesque.
Yep.
Whatever he said.
[EXCLAIMING.]
- [SCREECHING.]
- What is that? It's just a a pet.
They followed us home, Uncle Donald.
Can we keep 'em? Please? I told you no pets! Honorable Donald, please! I can explain! Listen No! You're out! - You and your pets! - No, Donald! No! You mustn't let the beasts out! [SCREECHING.]
[GASPS.]
[SCREECHING.]
[GASPING.]
Down! Heel! What did you do, Louie? [EXCLAIMING.]
Oh, magnanimous Donald, please see it fit in your saintly heart to forgive me.
I only did it to honor your most hallowed house rules.
Just go away! Donald, no! Our treasured friendship is one the thing I love most! [SCREECHING.]
- [ALL.]
Uncle Donald! - [EXCLAIMS.]
That was most unwise of me.
What the The solution to the problem became an even bigger problem! Unless Oh, no, I'm the problem! Yes, of course.
Obviously! No, this is the problem! - Waah! - [SCREECHING.]
Humbled Llewellyn, are you prepared to do the right thing? Okay, yes.
Wait! No! I take that back! [STORKULES.]
Friend Donald! Harpies, get ready to B gone! Trademark: Louie Duck.
We'd better think fast.
- Just let us down! - No! - We're a hundred feet high! - [SCREECHING.]
- [CREAKING.]
- [GASPING.]
- [SHOUTS.]
- Uncle Donald! Hold on! Roommate Donald, I dare not disrespect your boundaries, but may I have permission to enter your personal space for the sole purpose of saving your life? Yes, yes! My beloved merch! [SCREECHING.]
- [GRUNTS.]
- Help! [SCREECHING.]
Goodbye, Harp-B-Gone, a subsidiary of Louie, Incorporated.
[STRAINING, SHOUTS.]
[EXCLAIMING, GASPS.]
[BLUBBERS.]
[SCREECHING.]
Aah! [GRUNTING.]
- [SCREECHING.]
- What are you doing? Solving the problem.
[SCREECHING.]
What a fine home you've made, noble Donald.
And for a brief moment, as your roommate, I tasted that perfection.
But alas, it seems I be not worthy to share quarters with the noblest duck in the world.
Okay, fine.
You can stay.
- Ha, ha! - In an apartment, and I'll help you find it.
Father will be most proud! I shall never forget this, my inseparable chum, Donald! Oh! Nor your grave lesson of roommate etiquette and personal space.
[SCREECHING.]
Where were you? - [SCREECHING.]
- [GASPS.]
Had a business opportunity in Cape Suzette.
So, you lost it all, did you? Yep.
Big-time.
Oh, here's your investment back.
Consider it payment for that new idea you gave me.
You opened a lemonade business? Enjoy it.
That's the only can.
We couldn't figure out a cost-effective way to transport the lemons from Cape Suzette to the juicery in town.
- [EXCLAIMS.]
- [SCREECHING.]
Huh? No! Heel! Sit! Huh.
No one ever asked what they love most.
[EXCLAIMS.]
Looks like Scrooge McDuck is turning lemons into lemonade? Mr.
McDuck's new Fair Trade Lemonade is 100% organic and sustainable, from the farm-fresh lemons shipped in from Cape Suzette to the rehabilitated harpies that deliver and squeeze them.
That's right, Roxanne.
No shipping costs, no fuel emissions.
And we pay them in the thing they love most: delicious McDuck Brand Lemonade.
Hup! Because as C.
D.
O.
, - Chief Delivery Officer - Unpaid intern.
Not now.
I believe in turning problems into solutions.
But how do you keep the harpies from stealing all your lemonade? - [SCREECHING.]
- [GASPS.]
We are still working on that particular problem.