Family Ties (1982) s02e05 Episode Script

I bet we've been together for a million years and I'll bet we'll be together for a million more oh, it's like I started breathing on the night we kissed and I can't remember what I ever did before what would we do, baby without us? what would we do, baby without us? and there ain't no nothin' we can't love each other through ooh-hoo what would we do, baby without us? sha-la-la-la.
I don't know, Gus.
Maybe we should have started the "giants of the white house" series with a more colorful person.
I told you that before we started, Steve.
I know, but I've always liked Calvin coolidge.
But the way you've cut it together here, you make him seem so unexciting.
God did that, Steve.
Just who do you think's gonna watch a show like this, anyway? I don't know, uh, relatives, shut-ins, people who are heavily sedated.
Program notes are on your desk, Steven.
Oh, thanks, stace.
Listen, I just thought it might be interesting to learn more about coolidge the man.
It's the 50th anniversary of his death this year, I wanted to do something special.
That's all.
Send a card.
Stacey: Come on.
I think your idea's great, Steven.
And ideally it could be the best of all possible worlds, entertaining, educational, controversial.
And a winner in the ratings.
Remind me to give you a raise.
We'll take it out of Gus' salary.
Oh, you know me I think all your ideas are brilliant.
Hey, take it easy, Stacey.
I have a wife and kids to support.
Oh, sorry.
I didn't mean to get carried away.
It's just, well, I think Steven is great.
That's all.
Kid's got a head on her shoulders.
What she's got is a big crush on you.
Oh, don't be ridiculous.
She was in here a minute and a half, and she touched you seven times.
I counted.
That's the way young people are today, Gus.
They're demonstrative.
They touch.
That's a touch every 13 seconds.
Whoo! That's tough even for an octopus.
It was nothing more than a show of respect.
Uh, no, no, no, Steven.
This is respect "good job, Steve.
" Way to go on that coolidge idea.
"Hang in there, pal.
" Mm-hmm.
Now, this is what she did.
Gus, please! This is, uh, a place of business.
I'm telling you, Steve, I recognize that look in her eye.
Enough, okay? Okay, okay.
One.
Am I interrupting anything? Uh, no, no, not at all.
Don't be silly.
No, no, we were just talking about men, women Sex.
Wait a minute.
Let me pull up a chair.
Two, three, four and a half.
What? Uh, nothing, nothing.
Just, uh, practicing counting.
Oh.
So, what'd I miss? Well, we were discussing the kind of men that women find attractive.
Oh, good subject.
Um, I don't think a man can be really, really attractive until he's, oh, about, uh, 40.
How old are you, Steve? I'll be, uh, 40 this year.
Well, there's a perfect example.
Steven is probably the most appealing guy I know.
Man over P.
A.
: Stacey Hughes.
Got to go.
Mwah.
Gus? Six touches, one minute flat.
Could be a new world record.
Uh-huh.
Uh-huh.
Wow.
Well, what was she wearing before she changed into that outfit? Mallory, I need the phone.
I can't believe it.
Where does she shop? Who cares where she shops?! It's her own business.
Maybe I should read this note to you guys again.
"Please get dinner ready.
Mom.
" See, there's an "s" on the end of "kids.
" Hey, you guys, help! Uh-huh.
Well, I'll be wearing shorts and leg warmers.
Whoa.
Whoa! Uh-huh.
How 'bout you? Yeah, beige or blue.
That's Don't bother getting off the phone, Mallory.
The fire probably won't spread to the rest of the house.
Aah! It was Alex's fault.
Both: It was Mallory's fault.
Look, all right, it doesn't matter whose fault it is.
Just clean it up! And send out for pizza.
Tough day at the office, mom? It's a little frustrating, that's all.
Want to talk about it? Well, it's just a matter of getting used to things, I guess.
Uh, being back in an office situation, there's bound to be some pressures, some adjustments.
How does that make you feel? A little depressed.
Go on.
Go on.
Go with that thought.
You know, when I was a teenager, about 14, 15 years old Why am I telling you this? Alex, will you stop faking interest in mom's feelings and help us clean up here? Jennifer.
Jennifer, I'm her eldest child.
I'm her first-born.
I'm her son.
There is a bond between us That the two of you could never break.
Alex, help your sisters clean up or you're grounded for a week.
See, the bond stretches, but it never breaks.
Hello! Hey, dad.
Hi.
Take it easy, take it easy.
Save a little something for father's day.
How was work? What do you mean, "how was work?" I mean, how was work? Why do you ask? I always ask.
I like to know how your day went.
Went fine.
Fine.
Nothing exciting? No, not at all, not even close.
I didn't flirt with anyone, if that's what you're getting at.
I didn't mention anything about flirting.
It was implied.
No, it wasn't.
Look, first, I come home, you don't even notice me.
Then you give me the third degree about how I spent my day.
I think I've had enough.
Thanks.
Want to talk about it? Steve.
Been giving a lot of thought to your Calvin coolidge project.
I think I've come up with a way to make this Turkey seem alive, vibrant, exciting.
Oh, well, great.
What is it? We do the whole thing as a cartoon.
Thanks a lot, Gus.
Somebody spill a case of beer in here? I don't smell anything.
It's you.
Cologne.
Hey, that's macho mist, isn't it? I may have dabbed on a drop or two of Cologne.
There's something different about you, Steve.
Ah, you're dressed.
I dress every day, Gus.
It's an old habit I picked up as a kid.
Now, you know what I mean.
You have on things that match.
That is an ensemble.
You've never worn an ensemble before.
Knock it off, Gus.
Ah, and your hair is different too.
Oh, boy, Steve, you look great.
Hey, can I buy you a drink after work? Gus! Ah, it's Stacey, right? This is all for her, isn't it? Gus, just because a man's sweater and slacks and socks happen to match Doesn't mean he's about to leave his wife and three children.
Whatever you say, Steve.
Morning! Oh.
Oh, hi, stace.
Good morning.
Mwah.
Say, don't you look terrific? What a great ensemble.
Oh, what? This old thing? Oh, no, it's a great color for you.
Well, I just grabbed the first thing in the closet, really.
Well, you don't make it any easier for someone to keep their mind on their work, I can tell you.
Well, it's a burden we all have to bear, stace.
Uh, what have you got there? Last night, I A poor single girl with no social life to speak of Stayed here and put together this little film about Calvin coolidge.
And I hope you like it, Steven.
Stacey, that's wonderful.
Oh, thank you.
That's terrific.
You're welcome.
Uh, where'd you dig up the footage, Stacey? Um, files, newsreels.
Uh, the last crowd was actually cheering for frank Sinatra.
I think it's just great.
Why don't you take over this project? Oh, no, Gus, don't be silly.
Well, it's really not for me.
I mean, basically, I'm a monarchist.
If you really don't want to do it, Gus Uh, no, I don't.
I'll I'll go get the files, okay? That's great! I mean, that That's great.
So Well, congratulations.
Uh, you're a filmmaker.
Yeah.
Mm.
Whoa, whoa.
I can't help it.
I'm in love with you.
No.
No, you're not.
You you can't be.
You just think you are.
No.
Yes.
It's, uh, very common.
My my my My position, my age.
My socks.
You're really funny.
You know, that's one of the things I love most about you.
Uh, Stacey.
Mm-hmm? This is all wrong.
I'm a married man.
I have three children.
I know.
You're a very sensitive, caring father and husband.
Makes me want you even more.
I see.
Don't you think I don't want to think.
I just want you.
I'll be working here alone tonight, Steven.
It can be any way you want it.
No strings.
No guilt.
No preservatives.
Hey, hey, don't let my neck get in the way.
Orange and red? No one in their right mind would put those two colors together.
Uh-oh.
Mom, better call the police.
I think someone's outfit clashed.
Mom, make him stop it, please.
Alex, stop bothering your sister.
Mallory, the telephone is an instrument of communication.
On behalf of Alexander Graham bell and the entire bell family, I am personally offended by the level of your conversation.
Did you hear that? Oh, honey, uh, uh, I was thinking instead of my going back to the station, why don't we go out to dinner and a movie? Uh, no.
Why not? Well, for one thing, we've already had dinner.
Oh, okay.
Just a movie, then? This isn't really a good night for me, honey.
I've got to get to bed early tonight, so I'll be in top form for that meeting tomorrow morning.
Yeah hey, Alex, can I interest you in a movie? Oh, I don't know, dad.
May maybe.
Uh, let's see what's playing.
Ah, double bill at the north town.
"Love with the proper stranger" and "betrayal.
" I don't think so, dad.
Anyway, I thought you were going back down to the station tonight.
Well, I don't have to.
I-I might if there's nothing else to do.
Hey, Jen, want to do something tonight? The reds are playing the expos on TV, dad.
Want to go the game? They're playing in Montreal.
I can't tonight, dad.
I've got a lot of important phone calls to make.
You don't even know what I was gonna ask you.
Well, you've got that "let's do father-daughter stuff" look.
I apologize for being such a burden on everybody.
Ah, don't worry about it, dad.
Sorry, Steven, didn't realize it was so important for you to go out tonight.
It's not.
It's not.
In fact, I really should go back down to the station.
Oh, well, what's going on down there? Well, uh, we're working on that, uh, documentary "silent Cal opens up.
" I-I thought Gus was doing that.
Uh, he was, but But we turned it over to that production assistant, Stacey, uh Uh, Hughes.
Oh.
Y-you've met her, haven't you? Yeah, well, she She seemed very bright.
She is.
Well, she Yeah, she is.
Eh, anyway, she's working on this on her own, so I thought the least I could do is, uh, go down there.
Well, sounds like you should.
Yeah, yeah, so, uh, I'll go down there now and help her.
I'm on my way.
Here I go.
I'll miss you.
Yeah, me too.
Bye, Mallory.
Take care of your little sister.
Jennifer, Jennifer, don't let sports interfere with your schoolwork.
Alex You're the man of the house while I'm gone.
Was dad just drafted? Hi.
Hi.
It was getting late.
I didn't know if you were coming.
I wasn't sure either, but I figured, you know, the documentary and everything, so I Got in my car Drove around the neighborhood for two hours, and here I am.
Well, Steven, we can go through the charade of working on the film, or we could just stand around here awkwardly some more, or We could go right back to my place and make love.
C-could you run down those options one Steven, are you attracted to me? Very much.
Well, then come home with me.
We'll forget about everything and everybody else in the world, just for a few hours.
You and I will be the only two people.
Nobody ever has to know.
Come home with me, Steven.
I have a home, Stacey.
It means a lot to me.
I don't want to risk losing it.
I promise you we won't get caught.
I'm not worried I'm not worried about getting caught.
I'm worried about violating the core of love and trust I've built my life around.
G-getting caught's not good, either.
Steven, all I want to do is share a moment with you.
A beautiful moment, one that we can both file away and keep forever.
It's got a nice ring to it.
Just think of it this way We work together, laugh together, share a lot.
If we share our bed, too, why is that so different? For one thing, we'll be lying down.
Well, not necessarily.
Is it getting hot in here? We could open a window or knock down a wall.
Steven.
Stacey, I'll be honest with you.
The idea of going back to your apartment with you right now is very, very Uh, thought-provoking to say the least.
You're a wonderful person.
I'm very attracted to you.
But but Steven, I understand your feelings, and I respect them.
But if your feelings for your wife and your family are as strong as you say they are, then how can anything we do threaten them? Because I can't view my life as a series of unrelated episodes.
Everything I do affects every part of me.
We would be so good together, Steven.
I know.
It can't happen, Stacey.
Well, the apartment's a mess, anyway.
I'm sorry.
It's all right.
The maid comes tomorrow.
That's that's not what I meant.
I Oh.
Well What do we do now? How 'bout a hug? Hmm? Yeah.
Oh.
The irony is beautiful, isn't it? The thing that I love most about you is the thing that's keeping us apart.
You are so damn honorable.
I'll walk you to your car.
You're not gonna try anything, are you? Stace, I Let's go.
Okay, now, it's very simple.
See, each of us has a 60-minute period in which he or she can use the telephone.
That way no one can monopolize it for the whole evening.
All right, now, this chart maps out everyone's time period.
I just have one small problem with this.
What is it? My phone time is an hour past my bedtime.
This chart is business, Jennifer, your bedtime is a personal matter.
Alex, I'm tired of your charts.
I'm tired of you bossing me around.
I'm tired of you telling me when I can and can't use the phone.
And I'm tired of you, Alex.
Just what are you trying to say, Mallory? Oh, hi, kids.
Where's your mother? Oh, she went to bed early.
Speaking of bed, Jennifer, shouldn't you be in one? It's 10:00.
I, uh, um, didn't want to go to bed without saying good night to you, dad.
Good night.
Mwah.
I'm glad you're home.
So am I.
Maybe you can settle a little dispute for us, dad.
I will not have my communication governed by one of your silly charts.
A 45-minute discussion about somebody's leg warmers.
You call that communication? Who asked you to listen to my phone conversations, anyway? Mallory, the human eardrum is designed to pick up any sound within a certain radius, no matter how inane that sound may be.
Mallory, Alex! Yeah, dad? I love you both very much.
You feeling okay, dad? I feel great.
Just great.
Well, good night.
Yeah, good night.
Sleep well.
I'm telling you, Mallory I love this house.
What a great kitchen.
Love these plates.
You really can see your face in here.
So this is what you do after I go to sleep at night.
Oh Elyse! I thought I heard voices.
I-I didn't realize it was just you and a plate.
Uh, I'm glad you're awake.
I want to talk to you.
What about? You know what I was doing while I drove home from the station? Watching the road, I hope.
Counting Counting all the times you and I have stayed up all night nursing one of the kid's fevers.
Guess how many.
Couldn't begin to.
Well, go ahead, try.
That's right.
How'd you know? I don't know.
I guess after all our years together, I-I can read your mind.
Guess you can.
What am I thinking now? You're thinking there's no place like home? You're very good at this, you know? Set up a booth on the boardwalk.
And you're thinking about our life together and and everything we've been through.
And how hard it would be to turn your back on that, however tempting it might be.
Has it been that obvious? The words "open book" mean anything to you? Sorry, Elyse, I've been acting like a real child.
No.
No, you haven't.
You you've been acting like a grown man facing midlife.
I-I'll probably act the same way when I get to be your age.
Why didn't you stop me, Elyse? What would I have gained by that? I I mean, our Our entire relationship is based on trust.
If we don't give each other that, what are we holding on to? There's something I want you to know, Elyse.
What? I love you more every day.
I love you, too, Steven.
I want us to do more things together.
Just the two of us.
I like that idea.
If you have anything particular in mind Let's go camping.
The tent's at the cleaners.
Any other ideas? Just one.