Foursome (2016) s02e05 Episode Script

1 Previously on Foursome.
Kent Sadoc may be rocking my world.
I love nuts.
But that wasn't the only thing shaking my boots.
Turns out we needed to disconnect to connect.
All of our problems are caused by social media.
It reminded everyone at Breyer what was important; friendship.
Can't find you on Twitter, bro bro! Crushes.
Mr.
Zap unblocked me.
And foursomes.
I can't lose this place.
Suck on that, natural disasters.
We're all gonan die! Don't you know you gotta Get it before it's gone You guys, I decided the best way to get over Alec is to go back to my life before Alec.
I wish I had a life before Alec.
I'm gonna do all the things I used to love, back when I was single, Courtney.
Weren't you 14.
Statistically, you are your hottest at 14, that's just math.
Imogen, what's going on? Courtney's right, apparently it's just all down hill from there.
Maybe she was drugged, wouldn't be the first time.
No no no, I wasn't drugged this time.
My mom said I could come back and be home schooled.
When? At the end of the semester, she said that the earth quake made her realize that my happiness is important and all that stuff, so yeah, she said I could come back.
So how'd she react when you told her no? Huh? Obviously you aren't going back there.
Right? You've got to be kidding! Whatever makes you happy.
I mean stay.
You guys no, don't worry, nothing is gonna change with us, I promise, because you're gonna see me all the time, except please when you come over please remember to remove your shoes before you come in my bedroom.
Have you even given this thought, I mean like deep thought? Yes, of course.
I've thought a lot about it, I even made a whole pros and cons list.
Oh that's thorough.
It's all cons! Con number one, the cafeteria food is chock full of gluten.
Two, the hallways are so noisy which students use as a cover for farts, contributing to the poor air quality which makes my asthma flare up.
Le stop.
Sorry I just joined at polka novelty band, I needed to practice.
Not the mention that the classes are so overcrowded.
Hey gang, I just wanna introduce you to Clement Tradarre.
Am I saying that right? No.
He's French.
Anywho, I need one of you to give him a tour of the school.
Nose goes! Imogen, great, thank you so much for volunteering.
Dammit, public school It smells like farts in here.
I don't wanna give that Pepe Lepew a tour of Breyer.
More like Pepe Le Yes Please, I think French is kind of sexy.
Courtney, I don't wanna have anything to do with the French.
The plague started there, plus their culture is so sexually forward, remember the candlestick from Beauty and the Beast, he was kind of rapey! Okay, I'm leaving because of your racial profiling.
But to be fair, that candlestick did come on way too strong.
I know yeah, it's gross.
I don't wanna be late for cheer squad, I'm guest choreographer.
No.
Ready, okay! But the French created mimes, the scariest kind of clown.
Hello Imogen! Hi.
Fromage.
Ew, ew.
Sit.
I told you I don't do extra-curriculars.
I have more important things to do with my time, like I don't know, perfecting my signature as Mr.
Dakota Zap.
This is important, this is model UN.
Yeah see, you had me at model but then lost me at UN.
Listen Dakota, this is about commitment, unity, world peace, this isn't about us, it's bigger than us, it's world peace! Stand up for the little guy, make love, not war! Win a Nobel Peace Prize.
Wow, Andie, oh my gosh, that was so moving.
So moving me right out of here, bye! No! But then again, we are the world, we are the children.
That's what I thought.
Our engine starts again Go USA, huh? All the way.
Alright, listen up you young, smart diplomats.
I'm gonna be passing out your first country assignment.
Here we go, lesbian stoners, Ireland.
Confino, Italia.
Green, Canada, eh? But Canada's so boring.
Too boring for someone like you? I'm sorry.
You know, if you'd like to reassign me, maybe something with a little bit more flavor.
Fine, you can be estonia.
Estonia, that's the least sexy country besides Pakistan, ain't no one get laid in that hot box! Andie Fixler, USA.
Boom, patriotism! Mr.
Sadoc, North Korea, you two are obviously gonna have to work together on your presentation to come up with a nuclear disarmament treaty.
Good luck with that.
Oh, you will all need to present your nations in traditional garb.
Now guys please, let's keep it classy, nothing too revealing, and remember the "un" in UN doesn't mean undress.
Oh my gosh, that "not too revealing" was directed at me.
Once again, don't think he was specifically addressing you.
Is he reverse psychologying me, does he want me to be too revealing? No.
He grabbed my You'll all see! My outfit will be perfection, it just has to be both too revealing, and at the same time, not revealing at all.
Hey Miss America, I'm excited to work with you, even if your country is full of fat devils.
We may be fat but, it's because our food is so good.
Well maybe you can bring me some today when we catch up to work, say lunch? It's a date.
Absolutely is.
Did you just hear that? Oh yeah.
That coughing just sounded like "Coda.
" How many periods until lunch? Do Estonians wear booty short? This is the girl's bathroom, I obviously cannot show you inside because you are a boy.
Also I need Courtney to open the door for me, too many germs on the handle.
And Courtney's not afraid of these germs you speak of? She would take a germ for me any day.
You guys, this is Courtney, she was theshit.
com back in her day, your frosh betches don't even know.
You don't even know.
She is going to be running practice today.
Courtney, do you still remember the Breyer Rabbit? It's our version of the bunny hop.
Um, am I sleeping? Because I could still do it if I was, that's how much I remember it.
Okay, Gearson! Oh cute, terrible form, I think she has arthritis.
Oopsy, busto, seems like the rumors about hand eye coordination are true, when you don't bone, your bones go all pudding.
No.
Kent is so sexually direct with me, like his directness makes me wanna be direct, I've just never felt like this before, with Josh I liked him, but with Kent, I want him.
Who even are you Andie Fixler, first you drag me to model UN so you can ogle Kent's goodies and now you're Miss Sexually Direct? I know, I'd say sorry but I'm not.
I just need to see if Kent and I have that Fahrenheit 911, you know? Tada, Dakota Green is sporting a festive medieval frock native to the Estonians, looks, looks, looks, looks, looks! What are you wearing? You're right, it's heinous, no one looks worse than me right now, no one.
Hey guys.
Oh, yikes.
Court, why do you look like a trashed scrunchie? Why are you dressed like a hobo elf? Guys, one thing at a time, Courtney, please tell me this is not about Alec? I was just trying to remember the last time I was truly happy without Alec, and I realized it was when I was captain of the cheerleading squad.
In 87? Anyways, turns out some stuff has changed since the last time I shook my pom poms, I was nearly Simba's dad.
What? Trampled, have you not seen the movie? Anyway, gotta run, next stop on my pre-Alec happy place reunion tour, TPing Lauren Shapiro's house, bitch! Lauren moved to Acron like three years ago.
Who? Lauren.
Who's that? Lauren! This is funny, what are you talking about? It's Lauren, damn! Maybe I'm concussed.
Whatevs, my sleep is gonna be so dope tonight.
Love you, bye! Wow.
Hey, nice frock.
Don't look at me, I'm hideous.
Hey red white and blue, you ready to make some peace? Way ahead of you.
You're really living up to your stereotype, huh? Come on, let's do it.
Okay, let's do it.
This is the trophy case, I don't personally believe in sports because of the high percentage of staff infections.
My mom says I'm prone, staff infections are a dangerous thing, also known as foliculitis.
Wrestling has a lot of staff infections, I wouldn't recommend Googling ringworm.
Dakota, are you okay? I was about to get my belly button repierced.
Belly button rings haven't been a thing since Buffy.
What's the emergency? Isn't it obvious, I look a mess! Estonia's kicking my ass.
Barbershop queertet, you need to calm down! Why don't you join me on my next happiness mission.
Kiwi lime daiquiri wine cooler anyone? Look, you need to shift your focus from you to me, you need to help me find an outfit to bag my golden goose.
And you're the only person who may be better at shopping than me.
Oh em gee, perf! Dakota, the reason I haven't been able to find my real happiness is because I haven't done what actually makes me the most happy, helping friends shop! Get those clogs off, I'm taking you to the mall! Yes ma'am.
We are gonna make you the sexiest Estonian ever, mainly because no one's ever met an Estonian.
To the mall? To the mall! You claim to have a really big missile, I'm gonna need to inspect it, Mr.
Sadoc.
Please do because I'm about to shoot my missile all over your greedy country.
Your big missile's nothing my country can't handle.
You better be ready because if you're not, this will end in disaster.
Is that what it seems like to you, like I'm not ready? Like my country is not ready? Even if you, your country wasn't, I wouldn't care because I feel like your country has a lot more to offer.
Really? Absolutely, from the mountains to the prairies.
I wish I could compliment you but honestly I don't know anything about North Korea.
Well maybe we should get changed into our costumes, it'll give us a break from such tense negotiations.
And plus it'll give you some time to do some Googling.
Wow.
Yeah.
Wow.
Yeah.
Maybe we should just sign the peace treaty.
Yeah, good idea, you first.
It's not coming out.
Here, let me see.
Maybe you just need to put a little bit more pressure.
Is it working? Definitely.
Hey! Are you with my sister!? Yes, yes I am.
I don't know, I guess this is it.
Oh that's our water fountain, where hundreds of students like to spit their gum in it ever day because they're disgusting.
What are you doing? Oh mon Dieu, you think that I will be okay? No, Andie taught me that on my first day, you will definitely not be okay.
I would like very much to kiss your hands.
What, why? To thank you, Imogen.
You have shown me the wonders of your school.
Wonders, what wonders, this place is a garbage can.
Oh the lights, they did not dim.
No matter, I will make my point under the flourescents.
It confuses me that you speak so ill of this place where you have so many beautiful memories.
Like here, Andrea warned you not to sip from the devil's treasure chest.
That's just common sense.
And in these very hallways, where Dakota would remove the fart box sign from your back.
What? Oh and the water closet where you claimed Courtney opened all of your doors.
She did, huh? I just wish that I am at this school long enough to create memories like the ones you have with your, how do you say, foursome? Wow, I guess I never thought of it that way.
Thank you for that.
For why? I would have been really sad to leave public school and not have given the proper time to acknowledge all the good things that it gave me, so thank you for helping me see that.
She smells as strange as she is.
Little fart box.
Just to get this straight, you were in fact with my sister? Yes.
When I asked you if you were with my sister just now, you said "yes," is that because you were? Yeah.
So what, you're just gonna keep on being with Andy? Yeah man, she's a really cool girl.
You know what, I don't have time for this.
I respect you.
In closing, while Estonia may not be a powerhouse nation, just remember, we've been conquered, a lot! Tag was still on.
Let's hear it for Estonia, you guys! Well done.
Oh my God, did you just see that? Yeah, your presentation was full of inaccuracies Dakota.
He picked off my tag, Andie he was this close to my face, pay attention! Bet you all know what time it is, time for North Korea and the United States.
The US would like to begin these negotiation with a gesture of good will.
Our nature would like to openly embrace the nation of North Korea.
The Democratic People's Republic of Korea would love to accept such negotiations in hopes that our relationship will go deeper.
Where are we going, the tour's over.
Please, sit.
I enjoyed your strange customs and wanted to do something to say "merci.
" All of this just for showing you around Breyer? I must admit I don't normally reward my tour guides so handsomly, but you are the most handsome tour guide I have ever met.
I am, what's that smell? Could be the cheese, it could be the trash.
Oh my God, the floor's really dirty.
You are so nervous about everything, it makes me laugh.
I find you posses that je ne sais quoi.
I will miss you when you return to your Mormon schooling.
Oh I'm not If that is what makes you happy, I cannot stand in the way.
I don't know what to say, I mean first of all that you opened my eyes to all of my amazing friends and then all of this, this is the nicest thing a boy's ever done for me, well except for the time my dad bought me a humidifier.
You are strange, I love it! Legit, that presentation was so steamy, I thought I was in a White Snake video.
Courtney, you should have seen it.
I actually heard about it from May, felt like I was there.
I don't know guys, it was probably no big deal.
Why are you downplaying this, you've been itching to feel something since Josh, and now you have it, and it's no big deal? When Alec saw me and Kent in a compromising position, he turned into a wax figure, he just stood there.
So what's the problem? He's never reacted like that, it's terrifying.
He's probably planning something super insane and I am not going to invest myself in another guy just to have Alec ruin it again.
Landy an airplane, you can't let Alec ruin what you have going before anything bad even happens.
Yeah, imagine if i just came up on Zap because no one believed he had feelings for me.
Not the same, he doesn't have feelings for you.
Oh my God, that's right! Did Mr.
Zap cream himself when he saw the outfit I picked out for you? Hard to tell, but I'm leaning towards "yes.
" Courtney, thank you so much for helping me pick out an outfit.
Oh my God, a genuine thank you from Dakota, what a good day! So does this mean you found your happy place? Yeah, I did, and it wasn't cheering or belly button rings or wine coolers or even TPing Lauren Shapiro's house, that bitch.
Again, she doesn't live here anymore.
Who? Lauren.
Who's Lauren? Lauren Shapiro.
What? Girl, we are not doing this again, Lauren! We did what? Alright, I'm done.
You guys, I realized helping my friends is my happy place, I love you guys.
We love you.
It's Imogen.
Oh em gee, I didn't even realize she wasn't here.
Found a pro for my public school pros and cons list.
Oh my God Imogen! She did that, she really did that! Imogen discovered the best thing about public school! Boys! Happy happy happy it's a wonderful thing It's celebrating all the crazy and the joy it will bring It's beautiful beautiful new and shining It's beautiful beautiful give it to me I'm here, blah! There's a wall there! Still got it, pow pow! All I need is to have this one thing And it's gonna be alright Gotta have it gotta have it It's a wonderful thing It's all the righteous all the crazy And the joy it will bring If I can't have it then I might go a little crazy Because I dream it and I think it and it's All I can see hey Hey It's beautiful beautiful new and shining It's beautiful beautiful give it to me