Friends from College (2017) s02e05 Episode Script
Old Habits
1 [BOTH SIGH.]
Come on.
We can do one more time.
We've done it six times in the past 24 hours.
That's That's pretty good for a guy my age.
Yeah, but we have to do it as many times as possible when I'm ovulating, so, come on, cowboy.
Saddle up.
Okay, that That's not a turn on.
Well, then what will be? - After six times? - Yeah.
Nothing.
[CHUCKLES.]
Nothing you can do.
Okay.
Listen.
Look what I have.
- Performance enhancers.
- What? Felix gave me some samples.
Whoa, isn't that cheating? [BED SQUEAKS.]
Okay, honey.
[CHARLEY GROANS.]
Uh-huh, yeah.
- Yep.
- I'm close.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
- [GROANS.]
Oh, yeah.
- You okay? You look flushed.
I'm close.
Okay.
I'm close.
Bullets.
- I'm sorry.
- Oh, geez.
I'm not close.
This is never going to happen.
You're so red.
Am I? [CHARLEY SIGHS.]
You look like a boiled hot dog.
Oh, God.
My eyeballs are throbbing.
Oh, my God.
You you look like supermarket salmon.
Okay, I look disgusting.
I get it.
Stop.
[CHUCKLES.]
You look like Willem Dafoe.
God.
This is so weird.
Like I'm not horny at all, but I have this angry boner that is like beyond engorged.
Oh, my God.
I have to be in court today.
Oh.
This thing is going to shred my chinos.
Stop it.
[LISA SIGHS.]
Oh, God.
Oh.
- We should get married.
- What? Okay.
Yeah, all the blood has left your head.
No, I'm serious.
I mean we're trying to have a kid.
Why wouldn't we get married? I mean we're gonna be parents.
That's way bigger.
[LISA.]
Well, there's some logic to what you're saying.
Right? I mean let's just do it.
I don't know.
It's just you know, planning a wedding takes over your whole life.
I mean Max and Felix are going through it right now.
Let's go to city hall, then.
You know? Pedal to the metal.
Fuckin' bang it out.
That could be romantic, too.
You know, just the two of us.
Can we just get um, through this part first then deal with all the other stuff? I don't know.
I mean.
Marriage doesn't seem like other stuff to me.
I'm not ready to get married again.
Then I don't think we should be trying to have kids right now.
I can't wait.
There are biological realities here.
Then we should get married.
Unless like I'm just a sperm donor to you.
What? No, of course you're not.
Then we should get married.
I'm not ready for that.
[CHARLEY SIGHS.]
Then I I don't know if we should be living together.
Or dating.
Or or, like, talking to each other.
Are we breaking up? Yeah, I mean I guess we are.
Are we? I guess so, yeah.
Then that's it.
We're breaking up.
Oh, Charlie.
Charlie, I'm sorry.
No, no, no.
Don't touch me.
[THEME MUSIC PLAYS.]
Wow.
- I can see why they call it a cottage.
- [MERILL CHUCKLES.]
Hey, Harold.
No! I take the bags.
I am the houseboy.
- Oh, no, it's fine.
I got it.
- I've always taken care of the bags.
Okay.
Thank you for coming with us this weekend.
- Yeah.
- I know.
Socializing with extended family isn't everyone's cup of tea.
No, dear, it's fine.
I love extended family.
As long as it's not my own.
Well, I'm glad you're here.
- This means a lot to me.
- Yeah.
Merrill! - Here.
Let me help you.
- No! So are you excited to see your cousins? Don't hang out with me this weekend.
Whatever, virgin.
You wish.
I got sucked off last night.
Oh.
[HOUSEBOY GROANS.]
Nick, this is my grandmother, Gummy, and this is Margaret, her longtime um, bridge partner.
Gummy, Margaret.
This is my new beau, Nick.
He's an Ames.
Hi, so nice to meet you.
You have the Ames' mouth.
The houseboy will bring you a martini.
Wow, okay.
I like her style.
[NICK CHUCKLES.]
[GLASSES CLINK.]
Do you need help? No.
Cheers.
Boy, why does that taste like it has gin and Tab in it? Gummy's secret ingredient, - Sweet 'N Low.
- Ah.
- Uh-hm.
Naturally.
- You're get used to it.
Hey.
- Hi.
- Hi.
Hi.
Nick, this is my cousin, Merrill, and her daughter, Merrill, and this is my older brother, Morgan and his twins Merrill and Morgan.
Almost everyone is a Merrill or a Morgan.
Well, in my family, we have Ames Ames the Third.
AAA, we call him.
He just got out of rehab.
[TRAY CLATTERS.]
Can I give you a hand there? No.
It was uh, was fun to see you in Atlantic City.
It was great.
Being around each other.
Nice normal night.
Yeah, am I crazy? Or did we actually manage to become friends again? Sure did.
Full-blown friends.
[BOTH WHISPER AWKWARDLY.]
So what's new, friend? Not much.
What's new with you, friend? Not much.
Um oh! Actually, um, today Max and I are presenting a book proposal for the Centaur Sequel.
Oh, a sequel.
So must be a success.
Uh, yes apparently.
So is the second one also going to take place in Zamzar? So, you read it? Yeah, of course.
Are you going to keep teasing the dragon or we actually get to see Dragmar? You really paid attention, didn't you? Yeah, I mean I love fantasy.
We're in public.
It doesn't matter.
- Try it again.
- I've done it two times.
- Try it one more time.
- I'm pressing it and reset The fuckin' code is not working.
Goddamn it.
The code is not working.
Excuse me.
I need the code for the bathroom again.
My friend's having an emergency.
Don't put that on me.
Well, I kept it vague.
That only means diarrhea.
[SAM YELPS.]
- Wait, what happened? What - I can't touch anything in here.
Okay.
No, okay.
Uh Oh, I got it.
I'll sit on the toilet.
You straddle me.
- It's so romantic.
- No, come on.
It'll be legendary.
No, thank you.
Okay.
All right.
My place is pretty close to here.
I don't know.
- We can go to your place.
- No.
No way.
Alright.
Okay.
Alright.
Toilet sex, it is.
What are What are you doing? I'm booking us a hotel.
- Okay.
- Bowery or the Roxy? Sure.
Come on in.
Hey.
Oh, Lisa.
Sorry.
I am so sorry.
It's okay.
How are you? I I don't even know, you know.
It happened so fast.
Lisa, devastating news.
Just devastating.
- Hey, Tag.
- But love, it conquers all.
Yeah.
I didn't know that you were here.
Yeah, me and the crew in town, BASE jumping.
Oh, Base jumping.
That's cool.
Yeah, they jump off bridges and large cell towers, and skyscrapers Yeah, it's like sky diving.
Just a little groovier.
Cool.
And you're all saying here.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
That's the jump crew, - Dare Devil Trio.
- Bam! [MARIANNE MIMICS THE CREW.]
You can't do the signal, - you're not in the crew.
- Honorary member.
Tag, get your bitch in line.
Eat shit, Skull.
My house.
Okay.
My bad.
You know, I think it might just be like a little bit too crowded.
I don't want to impose on you or Oh, my God, what are you talking about? There is plenty of room.
Yeah, plenty of room.
You can just bunk in with me and Marianne in her room.
Join the cuddle puddle.
[CELLPHONE RINGS.]
- Hello.
- Hey.
Hey.
What's up? Um Charley and I broke up.
Oh, wow.
Hey, one second.
What happened? Are you okay? - He wanted to get married.
- Ugh, what a dick! - Do you want me to come kick his ass? - [LISA CHUCKLES.]
Where are you? Oh, I'm at Marianne's.
Listen, I gotta get out of here.
You wanna grab a bite? Ah, I can't.
I am actually at Merrill Morgan's grandmother's house.
Just wasping all over the place.
Ah.
Right.
I mean if you're bored and got nothing going on.
You could always third-wheel it.
Oh, uh Yeah, that sounds great.
I'd love to.
Uh Oh, okay.
Uh - Really? - Yeah, it that sounds perfect.
Yeah.
I will, um I will - text you the address.
- Okay.
[MERILL.]
You invited your friend Lisa to Gummy's regatta.
She is going through like a super rough patch, I mean but you shouldn't worry.
She's super cool.
Well, I really wished that you consulted with me before inviting her to my grandmother's house.
I know, but I don't know.
I thought it was like a party.
Just to be clear, um, going forward, when I invite you to something, I don't necessarily mean you plus whoever.
Okay.
Do you want me to call her and tell her not to come? [CHUCKLES.]
Are you joking? That would make me look like a villain.
Alright, so what do you want me to do? Well, you could apologize.
Okay, I'm sorry you're upset.
You're right.
I was way out of line.
Hey.
Where have you been? We're late.
SoulCycle.
We were supposed to practice our presentation.
- Don't worry about it.
I'll wing it.
- Wing what? You don't even know what to wing.
I wrote the whole presentation myself.
What is that ditzy smile.
I I'm just happy, okay? But this meeting is not that big a deal.
Whatever I say in there, it's all going to change once I start writing.
Please say none of that in the room.
- I will do the talking.
- Alright.
- A horse, Winnies.
- Yep.
The heir of the throne, slick with afterbirth is on his way.
A new king is crowning.
[MAN EXHALES.]
I [CHUCKLES.]
Ethan.
I don't know how you think of this stuff.
Neither do I.
[LAUGHS.]
[MAX.]
It's amazing, right? - Yes.
- It is a team effort, because I wouldn't be able to do any of this - without the the best agent in the biz.
- Aww.
That is sweet.
Hey, guys.
Let's write again, yeah? - Really? - Absolutely! - Great! - Look we are all in on book number two, okay? I mean half man, half beast.
[BOTH.]
All hero.
All? What is that? It's from the from the book we just pitched.
Right, yes, what am I of course, it's a "All hero.
" He completely blows off our prep.
I did the whole pitch by myself.
He gets all the credit, but I have to do all the work.
And there are a lot of ideas in the first book that were mine, too.
That's terrible.
This is the red velvet cardamon.
Did I get any credit? Ever? No.
- You know? - Not unless you ask for it.
I do deserve it.
Then again You know, it's Ethan.
Why don't you ask him for a writing credit? How am I supposed to start that conversation with him? No, I did not like that one.
There's a 20-year dynamic.
We each plays a part.
You know it's a lot of nuance there.
Uh-huh.
No, I get it.
He's the schoolyard bully that beats you up, and then you let him take your milk money.
This is our signature icebox cake as seen on The Wendy Williams Show.
[FELIX SIGHS.]
Uh-huh! Are you always spitting it out? I don't know about you, but I'm getting married in a few weeks.
I didn't want to be rude.
Uh, Gummy, Margaret, this is Nick's friend, Lisa.
Who is here for some reason.
Uh, so nice of you to have me.
Hello.
Nice to meet you [CHUCKLES.]
The houseboy would fix you a drink, but he's, uh, in the bathroom.
And he's taking his time.
That's fine.
Yeah, I'll make I'll make a couple of - I'll help.
- Okay.
Sure.
I get the distinct feeling that Merrill Morgan does not want me here.
She cool.
- Really? She cool? - She cool.
Okay.
Well, I'm just going to make myself scarce, I think.
- Is that Sweet 'N Low? - Don't knock it til you try it.
Voilá.
Thank you.
It's horrible.
[NICK LAUGHS.]
- Hey Nick.
- Hey.
I don't feel too good.
Are you drunk? Oh, dude, let's get you upstairs.
Come on, bud.
I've never been drunk before.
Well, it was an impressive debut.
My friend, Adam.
He's always bragging about how he's always getting drunk, but he does not describe it this way.
How does he describe it? Pretty accurate.
It's alright, bud.
Hey, did you really get sucked off last night? So, I don't think that kid's ever going to drink again.
- You set him straight.
- Oh, well.
I mean kinda.
Well.
That's good that you were here.
I mean his dad never came to these things.
Really? It's super fun.
It is fun, right? Yes! - Totally.
- I'm glad you think so.
Absolutely.
Um And listen.
I am sorry for inviting Lisa.
That was inconsiderate.
Well, thank you for acknowledging that, but it's fine.
Really.
I mean, she's lovely.
[MAN YELPS.]
Oh, God.
[MERILL CHUCKLES.]
Prescott really shouldn't drink with these jeans.
No.
Probably not.
- This is such a nice surprise.
- Sure.
- Thank you for coming.
- Hey, Felix.
Don't mind me.
- Pretend I'm not here.
- Okay, you got it.
Hey, I just wanted to stop by and bestow upon you a token of my appreciation for nailing that bullshit meeting.
That wasn't a bullshit meeting.
It was how we got the deal for the new book.
- You want to write the books, right? - Yeah, yeah, definitely.
It's just that this early stage.
It's just like blah, blah, blah You're so good at that part.
There you go.
Thank you.
Oh, my gosh.
What This is amazing.
- What is this? - VR headset.
- Virtual reality? - Yeah.
Oh, awesome! What do I do with it? Well, I got you a game called Parade Watcher.
And it's a game, where you watch a parade.
that sounds like a very basic application of sophisticated technology.
Alright.
Great! Yeah, strap it on, sucker! Let's see.
Um, hey, Ethan.
You know how, a lot of times, when we work together - Uh-huh.
- The thing that ends up in the finished product is the thing that I said? Yeah? Well, wouldn't it be great if we could write something together.
[ETHAN CLEARS THROAT.]
That'd be nice.
Yeah, someday.
I look forward to it.
[PUTTING ON ACCENT.]
I could start right now, though.
[PUTTING ON ACCENT.]
Or we could do it later.
[CHUCKLES.]
No time like the present.
But, on other other hand, you know? We have something to look forward to, though, right? Why delay the fun? Let's just put this on and give it a try.
- Wait, my my hair.
It's caught my hair.
- I can't wait for you That Minion balloon is dipping.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
It's too low.
Yeah, I remember this part.
Now, it's windy, so you're going to want to You're going to want to cross all the way across Central Park West.
Oh-oh.
That hot dog vendor.
He's not watching where he's going.
Watch out.
Watch out! [ORNAMENT SMASHES.]
Why didn't you say anything? - I did.
You couldn't hear me? - You didn't tell me? What happened? You should've warned me.
What was that? Where? That sound? That was weird, right? I thought that came from your part of the house.
I hope you're okay, Felix.
You want What happened to standing up for yourself? But he can't hear me.
He's wearing that thing.
Ethan.
Ethan.
See? I tried, hon.
You know I did.
And you didn't help.
By the way.
You crept around the whole time.
I've never seen someone go back and forth so much.
It's like I'm watching a one-man production of Noises Off.
I'm sorry.
- I just want to see you treated well.
- I am being treated well.
You saw the cool gift he got me.
VR goggles.
I mean Wow, so when you put that headset on, are your transported to a reality, where you're fairly compensated? Oh, I stepped in horseshit.
See? You gotta try it.
So let's talk about why you two went to a hotel.
Hotels have beds.
That's why we went to one, duh.
So do your houses.
We're not ready for that.
My kids live at that house half of the week.
What about Ethan's apartment? I don't want to put that pressure on him.
You're both single.
It's not an affair any longer.
Why hide? Well, because I I don't know.
I said, I don't know.
You wanna think about it? [SAM SIGHS.]
I guess it's because Ethan is my escape and I'm worried that if we go to each other's homes, the thrill will be gone.
Oh, God.
Why can't it just be an affair forever? Because both of your marriages are over.
Fine.
It's not an affair.
Are you happy? Does it matter to you that I'm happy?; [SAM LAUGHS.]
No.
[LISA SIGHS.]
It's so beautiful here.
Isn't that right? [PUTTING ON AN ACCENT.]
I feel like a Kennedy.
That accent is spot-on.
Give me another martini, please.
Check this out.
Morgan.
Hey.
Hello.
Hello.
Oh, it's too good.
It's really nice seeing you like this.
You know? It makes sense.
Uh-oh.
What does that mean? Well you know when we were in college, and we would flirt, I would always think, you know, when this guy is ready to settle down, he's going to end up with some prep school prom queen.
Well, prep schools don't have prom queens.
Ah, see, you knew that.
- Yeah.
- [LISA CHUCKLES.]
Yeah.
You see you're exactly where you're supposed to be.
And I'm - nowhere.
- Aw, come on.
You're being too hard on yourself.
You're the best.
Nah.
You should get out more.
Would you stop? You're gonna be fine, okay? You'll see.
I I don't know, you know.
Ethan just did such a number on me.
What if I started off with someone who really appreciated me? You know? someone who really loved me.
Tell me I didn't blow my chance of finding someone who really loves me.
Is the water freezing? What? I don't care.
I'm going in.
Hey.
- There you are.
- Yeah.
How was your walk? It was good.
Yeah.
Interesting.
Nice.
Can we talk for a second? Yeah, of course.
What's up? I was thinking maybe we could just talk alone.
Oh, um yeah, I just have to finish prepping this.
Can it wait until after dinner? Yeah, of course.
I don't I don't think so.
Um Do you think we're moving too fast? What? Are we moving too fast? Um what are you trying to say? I don't know.
I was just thinking, um about us, and I don't know.
It just feels like things are going quickly.
Are we splitting up? No.
Why? I don't know.
Were you I mean, unless you want to, but I was I mean, it seems like maybe you're steering the ship that way.
I don't know.
I mean, I'm not sure.
I was just thinking like, you know.
Oh, okay.
I see what's happening here.
What? What's happening? You're chasing your teenage crush like some overgrown schoolboy.
That's not what this is about.
You might find that amusing, but let me tell you, it's pathetic, and it's gonna catch up with you.
Alright.
It kinda feels like you made up your mind, so - Hey, wake up.
- What? We gotta go.
What's going on? I was just reading the vibe down there.
It just feels like it's time.
You know? - So I feel like we gotta go.
- Wait, what happened? I don't know.
It's just like family stuff, but it's like a shit-show down there, so I feel like we should get out of here.
- Okay.
- Yeah.
Here.
You know what, you wanna put these on? You know what? Actually, let's put these on in the car.
Let's grab your bag here.
Okay.
Yeah.
We're gonna just kind of hustle out of here real quick.
Yo, stuffed tube.
Get the door.
Hey.
What are you doing here? I thought we were gonna meet at the hotel later tonight.
I changed my mind.
I wanted to see your apartment.
Aren't you gonna invite me in? Yeah.
Come on in.
Hey.
[SAM CLEARS THROAT.]
It's "Quaint" is a word that people have used.
[THEME TUNE PLAYS.]
Come on.
We can do one more time.
We've done it six times in the past 24 hours.
That's That's pretty good for a guy my age.
Yeah, but we have to do it as many times as possible when I'm ovulating, so, come on, cowboy.
Saddle up.
Okay, that That's not a turn on.
Well, then what will be? - After six times? - Yeah.
Nothing.
[CHUCKLES.]
Nothing you can do.
Okay.
Listen.
Look what I have.
- Performance enhancers.
- What? Felix gave me some samples.
Whoa, isn't that cheating? [BED SQUEAKS.]
Okay, honey.
[CHARLEY GROANS.]
Uh-huh, yeah.
- Yep.
- I'm close.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
- [GROANS.]
Oh, yeah.
- You okay? You look flushed.
I'm close.
Okay.
I'm close.
Bullets.
- I'm sorry.
- Oh, geez.
I'm not close.
This is never going to happen.
You're so red.
Am I? [CHARLEY SIGHS.]
You look like a boiled hot dog.
Oh, God.
My eyeballs are throbbing.
Oh, my God.
You you look like supermarket salmon.
Okay, I look disgusting.
I get it.
Stop.
[CHUCKLES.]
You look like Willem Dafoe.
God.
This is so weird.
Like I'm not horny at all, but I have this angry boner that is like beyond engorged.
Oh, my God.
I have to be in court today.
Oh.
This thing is going to shred my chinos.
Stop it.
[LISA SIGHS.]
Oh, God.
Oh.
- We should get married.
- What? Okay.
Yeah, all the blood has left your head.
No, I'm serious.
I mean we're trying to have a kid.
Why wouldn't we get married? I mean we're gonna be parents.
That's way bigger.
[LISA.]
Well, there's some logic to what you're saying.
Right? I mean let's just do it.
I don't know.
It's just you know, planning a wedding takes over your whole life.
I mean Max and Felix are going through it right now.
Let's go to city hall, then.
You know? Pedal to the metal.
Fuckin' bang it out.
That could be romantic, too.
You know, just the two of us.
Can we just get um, through this part first then deal with all the other stuff? I don't know.
I mean.
Marriage doesn't seem like other stuff to me.
I'm not ready to get married again.
Then I don't think we should be trying to have kids right now.
I can't wait.
There are biological realities here.
Then we should get married.
Unless like I'm just a sperm donor to you.
What? No, of course you're not.
Then we should get married.
I'm not ready for that.
[CHARLEY SIGHS.]
Then I I don't know if we should be living together.
Or dating.
Or or, like, talking to each other.
Are we breaking up? Yeah, I mean I guess we are.
Are we? I guess so, yeah.
Then that's it.
We're breaking up.
Oh, Charlie.
Charlie, I'm sorry.
No, no, no.
Don't touch me.
[THEME MUSIC PLAYS.]
Wow.
- I can see why they call it a cottage.
- [MERILL CHUCKLES.]
Hey, Harold.
No! I take the bags.
I am the houseboy.
- Oh, no, it's fine.
I got it.
- I've always taken care of the bags.
Okay.
Thank you for coming with us this weekend.
- Yeah.
- I know.
Socializing with extended family isn't everyone's cup of tea.
No, dear, it's fine.
I love extended family.
As long as it's not my own.
Well, I'm glad you're here.
- This means a lot to me.
- Yeah.
Merrill! - Here.
Let me help you.
- No! So are you excited to see your cousins? Don't hang out with me this weekend.
Whatever, virgin.
You wish.
I got sucked off last night.
Oh.
[HOUSEBOY GROANS.]
Nick, this is my grandmother, Gummy, and this is Margaret, her longtime um, bridge partner.
Gummy, Margaret.
This is my new beau, Nick.
He's an Ames.
Hi, so nice to meet you.
You have the Ames' mouth.
The houseboy will bring you a martini.
Wow, okay.
I like her style.
[NICK CHUCKLES.]
[GLASSES CLINK.]
Do you need help? No.
Cheers.
Boy, why does that taste like it has gin and Tab in it? Gummy's secret ingredient, - Sweet 'N Low.
- Ah.
- Uh-hm.
Naturally.
- You're get used to it.
Hey.
- Hi.
- Hi.
Hi.
Nick, this is my cousin, Merrill, and her daughter, Merrill, and this is my older brother, Morgan and his twins Merrill and Morgan.
Almost everyone is a Merrill or a Morgan.
Well, in my family, we have Ames Ames the Third.
AAA, we call him.
He just got out of rehab.
[TRAY CLATTERS.]
Can I give you a hand there? No.
It was uh, was fun to see you in Atlantic City.
It was great.
Being around each other.
Nice normal night.
Yeah, am I crazy? Or did we actually manage to become friends again? Sure did.
Full-blown friends.
[BOTH WHISPER AWKWARDLY.]
So what's new, friend? Not much.
What's new with you, friend? Not much.
Um oh! Actually, um, today Max and I are presenting a book proposal for the Centaur Sequel.
Oh, a sequel.
So must be a success.
Uh, yes apparently.
So is the second one also going to take place in Zamzar? So, you read it? Yeah, of course.
Are you going to keep teasing the dragon or we actually get to see Dragmar? You really paid attention, didn't you? Yeah, I mean I love fantasy.
We're in public.
It doesn't matter.
- Try it again.
- I've done it two times.
- Try it one more time.
- I'm pressing it and reset The fuckin' code is not working.
Goddamn it.
The code is not working.
Excuse me.
I need the code for the bathroom again.
My friend's having an emergency.
Don't put that on me.
Well, I kept it vague.
That only means diarrhea.
[SAM YELPS.]
- Wait, what happened? What - I can't touch anything in here.
Okay.
No, okay.
Uh Oh, I got it.
I'll sit on the toilet.
You straddle me.
- It's so romantic.
- No, come on.
It'll be legendary.
No, thank you.
Okay.
All right.
My place is pretty close to here.
I don't know.
- We can go to your place.
- No.
No way.
Alright.
Okay.
Alright.
Toilet sex, it is.
What are What are you doing? I'm booking us a hotel.
- Okay.
- Bowery or the Roxy? Sure.
Come on in.
Hey.
Oh, Lisa.
Sorry.
I am so sorry.
It's okay.
How are you? I I don't even know, you know.
It happened so fast.
Lisa, devastating news.
Just devastating.
- Hey, Tag.
- But love, it conquers all.
Yeah.
I didn't know that you were here.
Yeah, me and the crew in town, BASE jumping.
Oh, Base jumping.
That's cool.
Yeah, they jump off bridges and large cell towers, and skyscrapers Yeah, it's like sky diving.
Just a little groovier.
Cool.
And you're all saying here.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
That's the jump crew, - Dare Devil Trio.
- Bam! [MARIANNE MIMICS THE CREW.]
You can't do the signal, - you're not in the crew.
- Honorary member.
Tag, get your bitch in line.
Eat shit, Skull.
My house.
Okay.
My bad.
You know, I think it might just be like a little bit too crowded.
I don't want to impose on you or Oh, my God, what are you talking about? There is plenty of room.
Yeah, plenty of room.
You can just bunk in with me and Marianne in her room.
Join the cuddle puddle.
[CELLPHONE RINGS.]
- Hello.
- Hey.
Hey.
What's up? Um Charley and I broke up.
Oh, wow.
Hey, one second.
What happened? Are you okay? - He wanted to get married.
- Ugh, what a dick! - Do you want me to come kick his ass? - [LISA CHUCKLES.]
Where are you? Oh, I'm at Marianne's.
Listen, I gotta get out of here.
You wanna grab a bite? Ah, I can't.
I am actually at Merrill Morgan's grandmother's house.
Just wasping all over the place.
Ah.
Right.
I mean if you're bored and got nothing going on.
You could always third-wheel it.
Oh, uh Yeah, that sounds great.
I'd love to.
Uh Oh, okay.
Uh - Really? - Yeah, it that sounds perfect.
Yeah.
I will, um I will - text you the address.
- Okay.
[MERILL.]
You invited your friend Lisa to Gummy's regatta.
She is going through like a super rough patch, I mean but you shouldn't worry.
She's super cool.
Well, I really wished that you consulted with me before inviting her to my grandmother's house.
I know, but I don't know.
I thought it was like a party.
Just to be clear, um, going forward, when I invite you to something, I don't necessarily mean you plus whoever.
Okay.
Do you want me to call her and tell her not to come? [CHUCKLES.]
Are you joking? That would make me look like a villain.
Alright, so what do you want me to do? Well, you could apologize.
Okay, I'm sorry you're upset.
You're right.
I was way out of line.
Hey.
Where have you been? We're late.
SoulCycle.
We were supposed to practice our presentation.
- Don't worry about it.
I'll wing it.
- Wing what? You don't even know what to wing.
I wrote the whole presentation myself.
What is that ditzy smile.
I I'm just happy, okay? But this meeting is not that big a deal.
Whatever I say in there, it's all going to change once I start writing.
Please say none of that in the room.
- I will do the talking.
- Alright.
- A horse, Winnies.
- Yep.
The heir of the throne, slick with afterbirth is on his way.
A new king is crowning.
[MAN EXHALES.]
I [CHUCKLES.]
Ethan.
I don't know how you think of this stuff.
Neither do I.
[LAUGHS.]
[MAX.]
It's amazing, right? - Yes.
- It is a team effort, because I wouldn't be able to do any of this - without the the best agent in the biz.
- Aww.
That is sweet.
Hey, guys.
Let's write again, yeah? - Really? - Absolutely! - Great! - Look we are all in on book number two, okay? I mean half man, half beast.
[BOTH.]
All hero.
All? What is that? It's from the from the book we just pitched.
Right, yes, what am I of course, it's a "All hero.
" He completely blows off our prep.
I did the whole pitch by myself.
He gets all the credit, but I have to do all the work.
And there are a lot of ideas in the first book that were mine, too.
That's terrible.
This is the red velvet cardamon.
Did I get any credit? Ever? No.
- You know? - Not unless you ask for it.
I do deserve it.
Then again You know, it's Ethan.
Why don't you ask him for a writing credit? How am I supposed to start that conversation with him? No, I did not like that one.
There's a 20-year dynamic.
We each plays a part.
You know it's a lot of nuance there.
Uh-huh.
No, I get it.
He's the schoolyard bully that beats you up, and then you let him take your milk money.
This is our signature icebox cake as seen on The Wendy Williams Show.
[FELIX SIGHS.]
Uh-huh! Are you always spitting it out? I don't know about you, but I'm getting married in a few weeks.
I didn't want to be rude.
Uh, Gummy, Margaret, this is Nick's friend, Lisa.
Who is here for some reason.
Uh, so nice of you to have me.
Hello.
Nice to meet you [CHUCKLES.]
The houseboy would fix you a drink, but he's, uh, in the bathroom.
And he's taking his time.
That's fine.
Yeah, I'll make I'll make a couple of - I'll help.
- Okay.
Sure.
I get the distinct feeling that Merrill Morgan does not want me here.
She cool.
- Really? She cool? - She cool.
Okay.
Well, I'm just going to make myself scarce, I think.
- Is that Sweet 'N Low? - Don't knock it til you try it.
Voilá.
Thank you.
It's horrible.
[NICK LAUGHS.]
- Hey Nick.
- Hey.
I don't feel too good.
Are you drunk? Oh, dude, let's get you upstairs.
Come on, bud.
I've never been drunk before.
Well, it was an impressive debut.
My friend, Adam.
He's always bragging about how he's always getting drunk, but he does not describe it this way.
How does he describe it? Pretty accurate.
It's alright, bud.
Hey, did you really get sucked off last night? So, I don't think that kid's ever going to drink again.
- You set him straight.
- Oh, well.
I mean kinda.
Well.
That's good that you were here.
I mean his dad never came to these things.
Really? It's super fun.
It is fun, right? Yes! - Totally.
- I'm glad you think so.
Absolutely.
Um And listen.
I am sorry for inviting Lisa.
That was inconsiderate.
Well, thank you for acknowledging that, but it's fine.
Really.
I mean, she's lovely.
[MAN YELPS.]
Oh, God.
[MERILL CHUCKLES.]
Prescott really shouldn't drink with these jeans.
No.
Probably not.
- This is such a nice surprise.
- Sure.
- Thank you for coming.
- Hey, Felix.
Don't mind me.
- Pretend I'm not here.
- Okay, you got it.
Hey, I just wanted to stop by and bestow upon you a token of my appreciation for nailing that bullshit meeting.
That wasn't a bullshit meeting.
It was how we got the deal for the new book.
- You want to write the books, right? - Yeah, yeah, definitely.
It's just that this early stage.
It's just like blah, blah, blah You're so good at that part.
There you go.
Thank you.
Oh, my gosh.
What This is amazing.
- What is this? - VR headset.
- Virtual reality? - Yeah.
Oh, awesome! What do I do with it? Well, I got you a game called Parade Watcher.
And it's a game, where you watch a parade.
that sounds like a very basic application of sophisticated technology.
Alright.
Great! Yeah, strap it on, sucker! Let's see.
Um, hey, Ethan.
You know how, a lot of times, when we work together - Uh-huh.
- The thing that ends up in the finished product is the thing that I said? Yeah? Well, wouldn't it be great if we could write something together.
[ETHAN CLEARS THROAT.]
That'd be nice.
Yeah, someday.
I look forward to it.
[PUTTING ON ACCENT.]
I could start right now, though.
[PUTTING ON ACCENT.]
Or we could do it later.
[CHUCKLES.]
No time like the present.
But, on other other hand, you know? We have something to look forward to, though, right? Why delay the fun? Let's just put this on and give it a try.
- Wait, my my hair.
It's caught my hair.
- I can't wait for you That Minion balloon is dipping.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
It's too low.
Yeah, I remember this part.
Now, it's windy, so you're going to want to You're going to want to cross all the way across Central Park West.
Oh-oh.
That hot dog vendor.
He's not watching where he's going.
Watch out.
Watch out! [ORNAMENT SMASHES.]
Why didn't you say anything? - I did.
You couldn't hear me? - You didn't tell me? What happened? You should've warned me.
What was that? Where? That sound? That was weird, right? I thought that came from your part of the house.
I hope you're okay, Felix.
You want What happened to standing up for yourself? But he can't hear me.
He's wearing that thing.
Ethan.
Ethan.
See? I tried, hon.
You know I did.
And you didn't help.
By the way.
You crept around the whole time.
I've never seen someone go back and forth so much.
It's like I'm watching a one-man production of Noises Off.
I'm sorry.
- I just want to see you treated well.
- I am being treated well.
You saw the cool gift he got me.
VR goggles.
I mean Wow, so when you put that headset on, are your transported to a reality, where you're fairly compensated? Oh, I stepped in horseshit.
See? You gotta try it.
So let's talk about why you two went to a hotel.
Hotels have beds.
That's why we went to one, duh.
So do your houses.
We're not ready for that.
My kids live at that house half of the week.
What about Ethan's apartment? I don't want to put that pressure on him.
You're both single.
It's not an affair any longer.
Why hide? Well, because I I don't know.
I said, I don't know.
You wanna think about it? [SAM SIGHS.]
I guess it's because Ethan is my escape and I'm worried that if we go to each other's homes, the thrill will be gone.
Oh, God.
Why can't it just be an affair forever? Because both of your marriages are over.
Fine.
It's not an affair.
Are you happy? Does it matter to you that I'm happy?; [SAM LAUGHS.]
No.
[LISA SIGHS.]
It's so beautiful here.
Isn't that right? [PUTTING ON AN ACCENT.]
I feel like a Kennedy.
That accent is spot-on.
Give me another martini, please.
Check this out.
Morgan.
Hey.
Hello.
Hello.
Oh, it's too good.
It's really nice seeing you like this.
You know? It makes sense.
Uh-oh.
What does that mean? Well you know when we were in college, and we would flirt, I would always think, you know, when this guy is ready to settle down, he's going to end up with some prep school prom queen.
Well, prep schools don't have prom queens.
Ah, see, you knew that.
- Yeah.
- [LISA CHUCKLES.]
Yeah.
You see you're exactly where you're supposed to be.
And I'm - nowhere.
- Aw, come on.
You're being too hard on yourself.
You're the best.
Nah.
You should get out more.
Would you stop? You're gonna be fine, okay? You'll see.
I I don't know, you know.
Ethan just did such a number on me.
What if I started off with someone who really appreciated me? You know? someone who really loved me.
Tell me I didn't blow my chance of finding someone who really loves me.
Is the water freezing? What? I don't care.
I'm going in.
Hey.
- There you are.
- Yeah.
How was your walk? It was good.
Yeah.
Interesting.
Nice.
Can we talk for a second? Yeah, of course.
What's up? I was thinking maybe we could just talk alone.
Oh, um yeah, I just have to finish prepping this.
Can it wait until after dinner? Yeah, of course.
I don't I don't think so.
Um Do you think we're moving too fast? What? Are we moving too fast? Um what are you trying to say? I don't know.
I was just thinking, um about us, and I don't know.
It just feels like things are going quickly.
Are we splitting up? No.
Why? I don't know.
Were you I mean, unless you want to, but I was I mean, it seems like maybe you're steering the ship that way.
I don't know.
I mean, I'm not sure.
I was just thinking like, you know.
Oh, okay.
I see what's happening here.
What? What's happening? You're chasing your teenage crush like some overgrown schoolboy.
That's not what this is about.
You might find that amusing, but let me tell you, it's pathetic, and it's gonna catch up with you.
Alright.
It kinda feels like you made up your mind, so - Hey, wake up.
- What? We gotta go.
What's going on? I was just reading the vibe down there.
It just feels like it's time.
You know? - So I feel like we gotta go.
- Wait, what happened? I don't know.
It's just like family stuff, but it's like a shit-show down there, so I feel like we should get out of here.
- Okay.
- Yeah.
Here.
You know what, you wanna put these on? You know what? Actually, let's put these on in the car.
Let's grab your bag here.
Okay.
Yeah.
We're gonna just kind of hustle out of here real quick.
Yo, stuffed tube.
Get the door.
Hey.
What are you doing here? I thought we were gonna meet at the hotel later tonight.
I changed my mind.
I wanted to see your apartment.
Aren't you gonna invite me in? Yeah.
Come on in.
Hey.
[SAM CLEARS THROAT.]
It's "Quaint" is a word that people have used.
[THEME TUNE PLAYS.]