Ghosts (2021) s02e05 Episode Script

1
JUNE: Enjoy, okay?
Come back again. Bye.
Well if it isn't the tree guy.
Uh, can I get a bag
of your finest brussels sprouts, please?
- Yes, sir.
- You want those pickled?
Nope, I'm good, thank you.
Please, uh, stop harassing
the people in our line, Randy.
I'm just saying
that you can pickle anything.
I pickled a quarter once.
Do not know what to do with that.
Um, so do you guys have
any Halloween plans?
Yeah, yeah, we're going to a party.
Um, you know the actor Liam Neeson?
Yeah, it's his annual
Halloween thing, so
Yeah, he has a very
particular set of skills,
which allow him to throw a killer party.
[LAUGHS] Oh, I didn't know
he lived in the area.
That sounds amazing.
Oh, oh, yeah.
It's-it's not really a bringer.
What? No, I didn't want to
I-I couldn't even go, because
Sam and I are throwing
our own Halloween party.
- Cool.
- Yeah, it is cool.
It's pretty exclusive. I was
gonna invite the both of you,
but you seem ocupado.
JUNE: Hey, it's no problem
at all. We'll, um,
we'll stop by before Liam's.
Yeah, it could be a nice fresh start
- after the whole tree thing.
- Yeah.
Great.
Uh, what time should I be there?
JAY: Which is why we now have to throw
a Halloween party tomorrow night.
What's going on?
Oh, Jay wants to throw a Halloween party
to follow through on a lie
he told our neighbors.
Well, I can't cancel.
They'll think I made the whole thing up.
Which I don't want them to know.
June and Ally are really cool.
And they're the only people under 40
within a ten-mile radius.
And I'd really like for them to like us.
Well, you know we don't love Halloween.
But we do love a party.
And we haven't had a gala at
Woodstone Mansion for decades.
Count me in.
And when you say count you in,
you mean you'll be here,
as always, wearing the same
clothes as always?
- Precisely.
- Sam, ask Jay
if plus-ones are allowed.
Isaac wants to know if it's
okay if he brings Nigel.
Oh, yeah, yeah, any invisible people
who want to come, totally fine.
Oh, God. I am so nervous.
This is our first party
as whatever it is we are now.
- Boyfriends?
- Ah, it's just
so lovey-dovey.
Murderer and victim?
Not loving the sound of that one either.
Look, I want this house filled
with sexy nurses as much
as the next ghost.
But a last-second party
is a tricky proposition.
Halloween is a very competitive holiday.
Trevor's worried
that nobody's going to show.
And it's not the worst point.
I mean, isn't everybody
already doing stuff?
Babe, come on.
Who doesn't want to go
to a Halloween rager
in a spooky mansion?
It's gonna be awesome.
["GHOST TOWN" BY THE SPECIALS PLAYING]
Go ahead, name something.
I don't know, man.
A strawberry?
Yep, it can be pickled.
Okay, well, I'm going to
get us some more drinks.
I've been in relationships that
had more people than this party.
So, tell us about your costume.
I'm Ruth Maid-er Ginsburg.
I'm here to clean up the mess
left behind by the patriarchy.
Feminism has ruined this sacred holiday.
JUNE: Aw, man.
This feather duster would be
perfect for this costume.
- Take it.
- Seriously?
Of course, um
Can I interest you
in a beady-eyed raven while we're at it?
Don't just give that away.
That taxidermist
did President Garfield's beagle.
Thank you for coming.
I know the turnout has been
subpar to say the least.
On the contrary, I am quite
fond of who is in attendance.
And it is still early.
Perhaps reinforcements will arrive.
[BOTH GROANING]
Wasn't me.
What is that horrid smell?
Pete.
It was Pete.
When the Livings walk
through him, it smells.
Stinky Pete is what we call him.
Yep, guilty as charged.
[CHUCKLES]
P.U.! Am I right?
Okay, Randy either just farted
or Isaac got walked through.
It doesn't matter.
This party is a disaster.
I told you no one was gonna show.
A last-minute Halloween invite
it's mission: impossible.
Just because the party's small
doesn't mean we can't make it fun.
In my day, the occult was
all the rage. Why not conduct
a séance? What's more
Halloween than that?
That's interesting.
I had one once to impress
Mrs. Astor, and it worked.
The lights flickered, the
smell of death surrounded us,
and I'm just now realizing that was
Thor and Isaac messing with us.
- They got you so good.
- Uh-huh.
Jay, the ghosts are saying
that we should have a séance,
and they can use
their powers to make it spooky
- for June and Ally.
- Whatever gets Randy
to stop telling me
about things he can pickle,
I'm in.
♪
Spirits, we ask you to open your doors
to the realm of the dead.
I can't believe some people
think this stuff is real.
- Pete, you're a ghost.
- [SIGHS] That's a fair point.
Now everybody hold hands
and repeat after me.
Spirit, spirit,
draw in near. From beyond, join us here.
ALL: Spirit, spirit, draw in near.
From beyond, join us here.
- [THUNDER CRASHES]
- [ALL GASPING]
- Thor, you messing with the lights?
- [BOTH SHOUTING]
[GASPS]
[CRICKETS CHIRPING]
[SCREAMS] That's not funny!
[GHOSTS SHOUTING, CLAMORING]
It's happening!
Hey, spirits?
Uh, if you're there, could you,
like, flick the lights or
hum or something?
[GHOSTS SCREAMING, CLAMORING]
Oh.
Spirits?
What the Hades?
[GASPS]
Mrs. Woodstone?
Molly.
Who is that?
That is the maid who was
sleeping with Hetty's husband.
[GROWLS]
So, is that it?
Are we done?
Yep.
Sorry, that was pretty lame.
How dare you show your face here, Molly?
You think I want to be here?
I don't even know how I got here.
Samantha, send her back.
Send her back this instant.
Hi. Trevor Lefkowitz.
Yes, I'm not wearing pants.
But it's because of a hero move.
Sasappis.
It's a pleasure to meet you.
I watched you for years.
But respectfully, not in a creepy way.
Wow, smooth, bro.
I have to ask, what is it like up there?
All I'll say is, it's remarkable.
But beyond that, I can't say
anything specific or I'll melt.
In fact, I'm not even sure
I was supposed to say that,
but I didn't melt, so I guess it's okay.
[ALL CHUCKLING]
Well, everybody's gone. Party's over.
What gives, ghosts?
That séance was a dud.
SAMANTHA: Actually it worked.
Worked in what way?
In the way that a portal
in the ceiling opened up
and now we have a maid from
the Gilded Age in our kitchen.
That is awesome!
It most certainly is not.
Hetty hates her, and the maid
just wants to be sent back.
I can't believe it worked.
I bet because it's Halloween.
You know they say
the border between the living
and the dead thins on Halloween.
If you're right,
then that means our window
to send her back closes at midnight.
- Unless she wants to stay?
- Yeah, she just got here.
[SHUSHES] No, I'd
like to leave and go back
to the place where everything's
perfect all the time.
SAMANTHA: Okay, so
how do we send her back?
Easy, we just do a reverse curse.
- What?
- We do another séance,
but this time to send her back.
It's like the movie Big,
he made one wish to get big,
and then he had to make
another wish to reverse it.
Do it, do it.
Don't worry, Molly.
We're gonna find your dog.
[PATS ARM]
BOTH: Spirit, spirit, listen clear.
From the beyond, leave us here.
It's not working.
Well, we tried.
I have a TV in my room.
She's never seen a refrigerator,
but, sure, lead with TV.
So the harlot just remains?
Well, I may have been a harlot,
but what about you?
You were a cruel and vindictive boss.
It's too late for flattery.
Hey, that's the same feather duster
Jay gave that neighbor lady.
What's going on? Did it work?
No, it didn't, but did you give a
feather duster to June or Ally?
Yeah, and they took it to
Liam Neeson's party. Why?
Well, the ghost maid has
one on her right now.
That's why she was summoned.
And that's why the reverse
séance didn't work.
We need the feather duster here.
Thor think Thor understand.
In Big he had to find
the Zoltar machine to reverse the curse.
The feather duster
is our Zoltar machine.
And Thor lost now.
So we just need to get it back.
Yes, uh, except I don't know
where Liam Neeson lives.
I do.
Good grief, man, I thought you left.
No way. I'm not leaving
my best friend's party.
Okay, we'll unpack that later.
You know where Liam lives?
Oh, yeah, huge pickle guy.
I deliver to him all the time.
But you need to drive.
I Rollerbladed here.
Oh, I bet that would taste terrific
if we could physically
interact with food.
Uh-oh.
Here comes Stinky Pete. [CHUCKLES]
Watch out for those Livings, chap.
It does smell terrible
when they walk through him. [LAUGHS]
[LAUGHING]: Yep, I am repulsive.
Can I talk to you
for a quick sec, Isaac?
Of course. Nigel, excuse me.
Yes.
Look, I am more than happy
to help a friend,
but Nigel will find out eventually.
It's just
[WHISPERS]: It's so embarrassing.
I mean, what if I tell him
and he doesn't like me anymore?
Well, then there are plenty
of other fish in the sea.
Okay, not plenty, but there
is that one other guy.
And I don't know
what Thor means when he talks
about "boat rules," but that sounds
- Oh, my God, please stop talking.
- Okay.
How did that floozy get
to heaven and not me?
She's the adulterer,
she brought shame on my home.
Hetty, maybe her being here
is an opportunity.
You mean for me to push her
down the stairs?
That is not bad, Samantha.
She would heal instantly,
but it would be fun to watch her tumble.
No, I mean an opportunity
for you to get closure.
By forgiving her.
Who knows? Maybe it could
even help you to move on.
Forgiveness? Closure?
I'm sorry,
the words are ridiculous enough,
but coming from someone in that wig,
I simply cannot.
ALBERTA: Probably just as well.
I don't really think Molly wants
any part of talking to Hetty either.
In the cult, when two people
had a problem, we'd lock them
in a room together
until they worked it out.
Or killed each other,
but these two are
already dead, so we're golden.
We can't lock 'em in a room, Flower.
They're ghosts, they'll just
walk out through the walls.
Wait, there is one room in this house
with walls they can't walk through.
Can one of you walk through the
door and see what's in there?
I'll do it. A Pinecone Trooper's
always up for an adventure.
[GRUNTING] Oh, Peter!
I've never seen that happen before.
[GASPS] The vault.
Thanks for coming down here, guys.
I dropped an earring earlier,
and I need help looking for it.
But all your jewelry is so cheap.
Why even bother?
[GASPS]
Wait, what's she doing in here?
What's going on, Samantha?
Okay, there is no earring.
I just think you guys should talk.
- They're in.
- No, no, no, wait, Flower!
No, no, no, no!
Oh, boy.
Ah! Oh, sweetie.
Sam's inside. You just locked her in.
Was that not the plan?
Go!
[GRUNTING]
The handle's made from
a different material than the door!
We need help. I'll go get Sam.
She'll know what to do.
It's honestly shocking
she lived as long as she did.
How are we not able
to go through the wall?
Because your former lover
for some reason built this vault
out of a material
impenetrable to ghosts.
And impenetrable
to cell service apparently.
Oh, God. I could die in here.
I could actually die.
You can make any situation about you.
Meanwhile, I am stuck
down here with someone
whose company I do not enjoy.
How long do you think it took Elias
- to suffocate?
- MOLLY: That's Elias?
His actual body?
Yes, and why haven't
you removed him yet?
We're trying to space out
our corpse removals.
Do you think it was painful,
his death in here?
I like to fantasize
that it was agonizing,
full of misery and pain.
His hungry lungs crying out
for air that would not come.
Or
perhaps it was lovely.
Oh, God.
[LIVELY CHATTER]
JAY: Wow.
This is like Jedi money.
What the hell is this?
I don't know, man,
it looks like a cornichon.
This isn't one of mine.
So this is how I find out.
Okay.
I'm gonna go find June and Ally.
Have fun.
L-Liam?
Flower, what were you thinking?
Why did you lock Sam inside there, too?
I don't know, I got confused.
I'm Flower.
Unfortunately that's hard to argue with.
Oh, Trevor, any luck texting Jay?
No, the iPad's in a drawer.
Poke I can do, but pull?
That thing might
as well be in Fort Knox.
How long till Sam runs out of air?
Has anyone ever seen someone suffocate?
- No.
- Does strangling count?
Only take couple of minutes,
but very tough on thumbs.
Okay, that took a dark turn.
[LIVELY CHATTER]
June! Ally! Wow, what a surprise.
What, what are you doing here?
Well, it's a funny story.
I need that feather duster back.
Like, right now?
You got an antique
feather duster emergency?
I do, Ally. Very well put.
Can I give it back
to you after the party?
It, it just kind of
completes my costume.
I wish that worked for me.
Do you know how weird
you're being right now?
All too well.
Sorry, thank you, and, uh
hang soon, all right. [WHOOPS]
[CHUCKLES] Excuse me.
Are these Elias's claw marks?
That doesn't seem good.
Your plan was to lock me in here
with my husband's seductress?
Wait, you think I seduced him?
Of course I do. He was rich,
from a powerful family.
And you were Irish.
Well, he pursued me.
And I wasn't interested, but
I didn't know what to say,
so I didn't say anything.
- Power dynamics.
- What?
Should really be conserving
oxygen right now, but here goes.
Elias was in a position of power
over Molly, which he knew, and
I'm sure you needed that job.
Yes. I had a child to feed.
And my husband had perished at the mill.
Our mill? [SMACKS LIPS]
I did not know that.
But I guess I can't blame you
for hating me.
He was your husband and your cousin.
- Mm.
- And you loved him.
Ha! I didn't love him.
I married him because my father
had to close a land deal.
I quite disliked him.
You see? You were both victims of Elias.
- No.
- No, that is just the way things were.
But the way things were was wrong.
You shouldn't be mad at each other
when the real culprit is right there.
Both of you were stuck
in a patriarchal system
that pitted women against each other,
because holding a man
accountable wasn't an option.
[GROANS] We get it, you're a feminist.
But
you may have a point.
Thank you.
So you hated him, too?
Hated him?
- I despised him.
- Oh.
Did you know I sent him to hell?
- Did you? That's wonderful.
- Mm-hmm.
I hope he didn't give you syphilis.
Nope. I gave him syphilis.
[HETTY CHUCKLING] Oh, that's sweet.
[LAUGHS]
JAY: Babe! I got the feather duster.
I alienated June and Ally for good,
but I got to see what kind
of cheese Liam Neeson likes,
so that's cool.
Babe, where are you?
Okay, Thor, now do your thing.
We got to get him to the
hidden entrance to the vault.
[THORFINN GRUNTING]
JAY: Thorfinn?
Is that you or 100-year-old wiring?
Thor growing weary.
Uh, do you want me to go
to the powder room?
Okay, thank you, Spooky Lassie.
Ah, it's working!
Okay, I'm in here. Now what?
[OVERLAPPING SHOUTING]
Ah, the mirror.
[ALL GROANING, CLAMORING] I get it.
No Pants can write me a message
if I fog it up.
Okay, I guess that will work, too.
[WATER RUNNING] This
is gonna take a minute.
You guys want to hear
about Liam's cheeses?
"Sam safe." Great!
Thanks, ghosts, I was
starting to getting worried.
"Sam safe"?!
It was shorter than "vault."
I was trying to be succinct.
Flick the lights again, Thor!
[GRUNTING]
Thor out of juice.
Aw, we have to get him back
in there, or Sam's gonna die!
Hold your noses, everyone.
Nigel, I'm sorry. Aah!
[ALL GASP]
[GROANS]
JAY: Oh, man!
[GROANS] I know that smell.
That's Isaac.
Wait a minute.
Is there something else
you need to tell me?
- THORFINN: Yes, finally!
- FLOWER: Hurry!
You're Stinky Pete?
Yes.
Stinky Pete is I.
Okay, not the most pressing,
but it feels like
we can retire the nickname now.
"Sam in safe." [GASPS]
- Sam's in the safe?!
- Yes.
Her breathing seems labored.
I am rooting for you, Samantha,
but, on the other hand,
it would be nice
to spend eternity together.
Sort of a win-win situation.
[GRUNTING]
- Jay, thank God!
- Don't worry.
I got you.
You okay? What are you
doing in the vault?
Ghost thing. How did you find me?
Ghost thing.
Okay, we have three minutes
till midnight, let's do this.
I guess this is goodbye.
It is amazing, you know.
That the one Irish person I truly took
the time to get to know
is also the only decent one.
I'm not sure that's
the right takeaway here.
It's progress, let her have it.
I don't blame you if
you want to end things.
Isaac, I don't want to end things.
I am disappointed you felt
you couldn't be honest with me.
But I think your power is impressive.
You can still affect worldly matters.
And you're my date.
Not bad for a skinny Brit
with webbed feet.
[LAUGHS]
"Webbed feet"? Good one, Nigel.
Yes.
Could you imagine?
[BOTH LAUGHING]
We're sure we're making
the right decision?
- I mean, they're good now.
- Let's do this.
- Are you ready?
- JAY: Yeah, uh
- got the duster.
- Okay.
BOTH: Spirit, spirit, listen clear.
From the beyond, leave us here.
[GASPS]
Take me with you! I've changed!
Let me ride you
while you get sucked off!
Don't leave me here with these peasants!
Take me with you!
[MUTTERS]
- Peasants?
- Wow.
- Rude.
- Really?
Oh, get over it.