Growing Pains s02e05 Episode Script
185967 - Employee of the Month
Ah.
Perfect.
Hey, Ben.
Ben? -What? -Ben, look, I need your help.
-Okay, now here's what I want you to do.
-Is this gonna get me in trouble again? Ben, I'm your older brother.
I'd never get you into trouble.
[DOOR OPENS.]
-Hi, guys.
-Hi, Mom.
Hey, Mom.
Who left the paper scattered all over the sofa? He did.
What?! Don't worry, I'll clean it up and then I'll explain to little Ben where he went astray.
I'm sorry, I thought this was the Seaver home.
-That's gonna cost you.
-Yeah, all right, all right.
If you help me out tonight, I'll do your homework for you.
You'll do my homework? Mike, I can't afford it.
Okay, all right, look, I'll pay you.
-A hundred bucks.
-Two bucks.
-Deal.
What do you want me to do? -Okay, first, come here.
I want you to get Dad down here, have him sit on the sofa right here.
-Then ask him a question.
-About what? It doesn't matter.
Just tell him you wanna talk to him.
Dad's a pushover when one of us wants to open the channels of communication.
-Then what? -I'll take it from there, thanks.
Dad! Dad! What? What is it? Will you sit right here and, uh, explain sex to me? -Now? -I gotta know by 5:00.
You've been watching Dr.
Ruth again.
-All right, Ben, look-- -Hey, guys.
Ah, dinner smells great, Dad.
I see you've been reading the paper, anything interesting? JASON: Well, actually-- -Uh-- Oh, very intere-- Dad, did you know that teenage drivers with driver's education have incredibly good safety records? Ah.
Ah.
And would you believe what it says here? Car insurance rates for teenage boys are at their lowest level in years.
-Would you believe that, Ben? -You gotta admit, the guy is smooth.
Ah, and, Dad, look at this, my dream car.
A 1972 V-Dub ragtop for a mere 2795.
Wow.
But not smooth enough.
Come on, we've been through all this before.
Now, we are not gonna buy you a car.
Prove that you're responsible enough to own a car by earning the money for it.
Since that means getting a job, it's conceivable you won't own a car in our lifetime.
Hey, great news, Dad, I got a job.
I start working tomorrow at the World of Burgers.
Here's the parental consent form for my work permit.
Just sign here.
Like I said, the man is smooth.
Why can't I have parents who yell? Heh.
What did you do this time? [MIKE SCOFFS.]
For your information, they just happen to be deciding whether to let me take a job at World of Burgers.
[CAROL SNORTS.]
Somebody hired you? [LAUGHS.]
Fine, fine.
Go ahead and laugh.
I just happen to know that Mom and Dad have a great deal of faith in me.
I have no faith whatsoever that he can handle both a job and school.
So we agree.
At the same time, we can't just give up on him.
You're saying that for the first time in his life he wants to work, so give him the chance? Yes.
You think getting this job could be a turning point for him.
-Yes, and then-- -I know.
You think when you love your kids, it involves risks.
Exactly.
Do I think anything else? -No, that about covers it.
-Yeah.
I think I know what you're gonna say too.
You'll say that with this job, he's gonna forget about school completely.
MAGGIE: Mm-hm.
Then we've got a dropout with a car and a lot of time on his hands.
And then the first time he takes that car out he's gonna meet a 23-year-old woman.
And then he's gonna quit his job, he has no time for burgers anymore.
You know what I mean? All he wants to do is drive, and he wants to drive so fast because he's going to lovers' lane.
Going to lovers' lane so fast, that car spins out of control and hits another car, boom.
And it's a Buick, but that's another story.
And even though nobody is hurt, thank goodness ugh, Mike's still in trouble.
Whoa.
He let his car insurance expire, no.
And next, look out.
At the door, there she is.
That 23-year-old woman, yes, that one, and here she is now, heavy with child.
Yes, and she wants to marry Mike now.
Now we've got a kid with a kid and no job no income, no insurance and no future.
You read my mind.
Maggie, don't you think you're overreacting just a little? [MAGGIE SCOFFS.]
Me? Okay, we both see both sides of the question.
So, what do we do? Well, we do what any sensitive, loving, caring parent would do.
And I call heads.
[CHUCKLES.]
Ha, ha.
Dad.
Ha.
Uh, I was just picking up this glass that someone thoughtlessly left on the floor.
Probably Ben.
Well, we were just discussing your job.
Job? What job? Oh, World of Burgers.
It just slipped my mind.
You know, I've been studying so hard.
JASON: Mm.
Heh, heh.
Well, Mike, we've been giving careful consideration to both sides of this question, and after carefully considering it we think that it would be taking a big chance.
-But we're gonna sign those papers-- -Thanks, you will not regret this.
-Make sure your grades don't-- -No problem.
I will maintain a solid D average.
I think we were hoping for something more.
Hey, whatever you want.
D-plus, great.
Yes.
Jason, this nickel has two heads.
-What's your point? -Oh.
Now, this is the beverage center.
We got large, extra-large, colossal.
Oh, whoa.
No, no, this is colossal, this is whoa.
Oh, okay.
Excuse me, Mr.
Krassner? Now, Terry, I told you before.
I like my employees to call me by my first name.
Okay, Scooter.
Um.
I think those whatchamacallit things are clogged.
-Not the grease traps? -That's it.
Oh, my gosh.
Excuse me.
-Hi.
-Hi.
-Are you new here too? -Yeah, it's my first day.
It's my second.
I don't know.
It's all so complex.
You're kidding.
Mr.
Krassner-- Uh, Scooter says if I really apply myself I could get to be employee of the month, just like Joey Scavuglio.
Dare to dream.
Heh.
Titanic cheeseburger, considerable fries, and a root beer.
A diet whoa.
You talking to me? Oh, brother.
No sweat, I can handle this.
Okay.
That's a colossal, I said a whoa.
Oh, right, sorry.
[GASPING.]
Be right with you.
[GASPING.]
You forgot my titanic burger.
Oh.
Right, I'll be right with you.
Just a minute.
Amateurs.
Okay, that's one Madhouse, no nuts.
One titanic burger, hold the iceberg lettuce.
One considerable fries, two iced teas, one whoa, one colossal, no ice.
One Patty Meltdown with Nuclear dressing, Fallout's on the side.
I knew I was right about Mike.
Look at him go.
A Patty Meltdown? I'll bet $5 he messes up the change.
I'll take that action.
Nine and 10.
Thank you.
And as we say at W.
O.
B.
, don't get any on you.
Oh, what a charming little family here.
Welcome to the World of Burgers.
How may I help you? -Well, we just came to look.
-You gotta order something, Dad.
-Okay, I'll take a meal on a stick with-- MAGGIE: No, you don't.
No junk food.
[WHISPERS.]
Mom.
We have a nice dinner ready at home.
I don't want him loading up on grease.
Double or nothing he's out of here in 10 minutes.
Mike, we've just never had [SHOUTING.]
an employee of the month in our family.
[IN NORMAL VOICE.]
I just came down to see you work.
I've always been a sucker for a man in uniform.
CAROL: Ha, ha.
-You have? -Mike, we have a little surprise for you.
-Oh, a little surprise? Ha, ha.
Be sure you come straight home after work, okay? [IN NORMAL VOICE.]
Okay.
Hi, I'm the manager.
Is there a problem here? None, I was down here for breakfast this morning and this man gave me such incredible service I just wanted to bring the whole family down to meet him in person.
-Wow.
-So, kids, we'd better be going.
But I want you to remember this day always.
Mike, I don't know what to do.
This guy wants extra ketchup.
-I tried to talk him out of it.
-Look, Terry, would you just relax? I can't relax.
Mike, if I mess up again, I'm out of here.
-Look, you're not gonna mess up, okay? -Terry! [TERRY GASPS.]
Your register drawer is open.
Uh, Scooter, that's my fault.
She just got back from her break.
I was handling both registers while she was gone.
Mike? I don't believe it.
You're the employee of the month.
Look, I'm sorry, Scooter, I've learned my lesson.
My heart is beating a mile a minute here.
Oh, Mike.
That was so nice of you.
If there's ever anything I can ever do for you don't hesitate to ask, okay? Well.
-Mike.
-Yeah, Scooter? This cash register is $37 short.
-Thirty-seven--? -I just don't know what to say.
Look, Scooter, I'm sorry.
It will not happen again.
I know.
What does that mean? [STAMMERS.]
I'm sorry, my hands are tied.
You're fired.
Ahh, fired.
Mom? Dad? Dad, something's happened today.
[BEN WHISPERING INDISTINCTLY.]
ALL: Surprise! [MAGGIE & CAROL CHUCKLING.]
A little something for our employee of the month.
Mike, we are so proud of you.
[MAGGIE LAUGHS.]
[FAMILY CHATTERING.]
Mike's still sitting there behind the wheel with his mouth hanging open.
MAGGIE: Aw.
-Has he stopped drooling yet? Carol, if you'd stop making fun for one second you might learn from your brother's example.
-I might learn from Mike? -Yes.
His grades are up.
He's doing very well on the job.
Instead of wasting his money on Scritti Politti records he's saved almost all of it.
I have straight A's, I do all my chores and I'd sooner kill than spend a nickel on Scritti Politti.
But you've always been a good kid.
That's my crime? Carol, all we're saying is that even a model child like you can learn something from Mike's accomplishment.
So if I'd spent my whole life as a total screw-up and then did just one thing right, I'd be given a car too? "Wanted, sales representative for international cosmetic firm.
We're looking for a young, aggressive, self-starter interested in 6000 a month minimum and is fluent in Turkish.
" Always a catch.
Take me to Disney World and step on it.
I'm gonna step on you.
You don't look like a new responsible Mike.
Who said that? Dad did on the way home from World of Burgers when Mom was crying.
Crying? Like she did when Carol joined MENSA.
You know, life was a lot better when Mom and Dad thought I was garbage.
I think you're garbage, Mike.
Thanks.
-Can I stay? -Why not? -You wanna know how much the car cost? -No.
-Two thousand six hundred and five dollars.
-Ben.
Plus tax, license and dealer prep.
If you say one more word about how proud they are of me you're gonna have to leave.
Okay.
I didn't ask them to have any faith in me, did I? Right? -Yes or no? -Uh, no? -That's right.
-Good.
I'm gonna find a way to mess things up.
-What's their problem? -You messed up? -No.
-Oh.
I'm not about to go in there and break their hearts.
-I can't do something like that, can I, Ben? -Sure.
-No.
-Uh, that's what I meant.
-So now I have to do what I have to do.
-Right.
If you wanna save yourself a lot of grief don't let Mom and Dad expect great things from you.
Let them know you're a real disappointment now.
[DOORBELL RINGING.]
JASON: Maggie? MAGGIE: Jason? -Oh.
-Oh, you are here.
[DOORBELL CONTINUES RINGING.]
JASON: Maggie? MAGGIE: Jason? JASON: I thought you were gonna answer.
-I thought you were.
[KNOCKING.]
TERRY: I know you're in there, I can hear you.
-Hello.
-Hi, I'm Terry.
-Is Mike home? -No.
Is his burger uniform home? No, he's wearing it.
Oh, that is so sad.
Terry, I'm a psychiatrist.
Well, I'm the new assistant manager at World of Burgers and I need his uniform.
-Oh, well, Mike needs it.
-For what? -For work.
-That's great.
I felt so bad when he got fired.
-Well-- -Hold it.
Hold what? Mike was fired? You didn't know? Oh, boy.
I did it again.
-It sounds like Mike did it again.
-I lied.
Uh, he didn't get fired.
Look, I don't even know him.
I'm just an insane girl who collects burger uniforms.
Uh, just forget I ever came by here, okay? This never happened.
So bye-bye.
-Hey, Dad, how about some one-on-one? -No, I'm too busy right now, Ben.
Doing what? I'm sublimating my anger so I can get my negative emotions under control and have a more constructive attitude, okay? Oh, good luck.
-Hi, Mom.
-Hi.
He's busy.
-You were right.
-I was? We never should have let Mike take that job.
Oh, Jason, I didn't wanna be right about that.
Look at this.
Look, what do you see here? A grease spot? It's not just a grease spot.
This is a symbol of my gullibility.
A $2600 symbol of my gullibility.
Plus tax, license and dealer prep, whatever the hell that is.
Honey, I wouldn't call you gullible.
-I'd say you were-- -Stupid? -I was going to say trusting.
-Well, with Mike, trust is stupid.
Honey, trusting Carol is easy.
And Ben's no problem because, well, he's smaller than us.
-But trusting Mike is a real-- -There, you're back to stupidity again.
Well, I'm not trusting him anymore, Maggie.
Jason, I know he let us down, but maybe there's-- You know, he lied to us for a solid week, just so he wouldn't lose that car.
And I'm really sick of Mike thinking of nobody but himself first.
Jason, maybe you shouldn't talk to him when you're this angry.
Absolutely.
-But you will.
-Absolutely.
[CAR APPROACHING.]
[HORN HONKING.]
Hey, Dad.
Well, if it isn't my hard-working son and his well-deserved car.
Yeah, that's us, Dad.
Ah.
You know, I'm really bushed today, Dad.
So how did it go down at World of Burgers? Looks like you got some on you.
-Yeah, well, to tell you the truth, Dad-- -Excuse me, the what? Just to tell you the truth.
Uh.
I don't know, I'm getting a little bummed with W.
O.
B.
Oh, but you're the employee of the month.
Yeah, but you know, there's a lot of pressure there, Dad.
I don't know, they're talking about making me an assistant manager and that'd mean I'd have to go to Burger College.
I don't know.
I just don't know if I'm university material.
So you're telling me that you're considering quitting this job? Well, I've already got a better job lined up, Dad.
Yeah, it's in the automotive industry.
Ah.
Ford? General Mo-- Chrysler? -Bernie.
Heh.
-Bernie? Yeah, Bernie's Car Wash.
I'm gonna be a rag man, Dad.
Tips galore, great future.
Crud, I can't do this.
I can't look you in the face and lie.
What is it, some kind of magic power? -Mike, I have-- -Dad, I got fired.
It wasn't even my fault.
I was covering for Terry who left her register drawer open.
I'm sorry, I wanted to tell you but that was the day you gave me this car.
What was I supposed to say then? Oh, yes, you didn't wanna risk losing the car.
No, Dad.
It wasn't because of the car.
I mean it was, but not the way you mean.
Look, it was just such a new experience, I mean, having you be so proud of me.
It confused me.
Well, it confused me too.
So don't you see, Dad? I didn't want you to think I was some loser who couldn't be trusted with responsibility just when you started having faith in me.
Well, you gotta have a little faith in me too.
Come on, Dad, no.
If you had somehow found out that I was fired you'd be out here pacing, telling Mom how stupid you were to trust me.
-Well, possibly-- -Dad.
Don't you see? Do you know how hard it's been for me to keep the truth from you? So you lied to me for me? Yeah.
I just didn't wanna let you down.
No matter what happened to me, it didn't matter.
Well, I appreciate that.
Michael, we've been waiting for you-- Uh, Maggie, Mike just told me he lost his job at the burger place last week.
-Oh, he did? -I was shocked.
You were? Jason, he's been lying to us for an entire week.
Yes.
Is that a great kid or what? So there's a difference between doing the wrong thing for the wrong reason and the wrong thing for the right reason.
Any questions? ALL: No.
Great.
BEN: Well, wait, I have a question.
Last month, I broke some of Mom's good china.
How come I didn't get a reward for it? See, there are wrong things and there are right things.
Now, the wrong things sometimes.
[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY.]
Perfect.
Hey, Ben.
Ben? -What? -Ben, look, I need your help.
-Okay, now here's what I want you to do.
-Is this gonna get me in trouble again? Ben, I'm your older brother.
I'd never get you into trouble.
[DOOR OPENS.]
-Hi, guys.
-Hi, Mom.
Hey, Mom.
Who left the paper scattered all over the sofa? He did.
What?! Don't worry, I'll clean it up and then I'll explain to little Ben where he went astray.
I'm sorry, I thought this was the Seaver home.
-That's gonna cost you.
-Yeah, all right, all right.
If you help me out tonight, I'll do your homework for you.
You'll do my homework? Mike, I can't afford it.
Okay, all right, look, I'll pay you.
-A hundred bucks.
-Two bucks.
-Deal.
What do you want me to do? -Okay, first, come here.
I want you to get Dad down here, have him sit on the sofa right here.
-Then ask him a question.
-About what? It doesn't matter.
Just tell him you wanna talk to him.
Dad's a pushover when one of us wants to open the channels of communication.
-Then what? -I'll take it from there, thanks.
Dad! Dad! What? What is it? Will you sit right here and, uh, explain sex to me? -Now? -I gotta know by 5:00.
You've been watching Dr.
Ruth again.
-All right, Ben, look-- -Hey, guys.
Ah, dinner smells great, Dad.
I see you've been reading the paper, anything interesting? JASON: Well, actually-- -Uh-- Oh, very intere-- Dad, did you know that teenage drivers with driver's education have incredibly good safety records? Ah.
Ah.
And would you believe what it says here? Car insurance rates for teenage boys are at their lowest level in years.
-Would you believe that, Ben? -You gotta admit, the guy is smooth.
Ah, and, Dad, look at this, my dream car.
A 1972 V-Dub ragtop for a mere 2795.
Wow.
But not smooth enough.
Come on, we've been through all this before.
Now, we are not gonna buy you a car.
Prove that you're responsible enough to own a car by earning the money for it.
Since that means getting a job, it's conceivable you won't own a car in our lifetime.
Hey, great news, Dad, I got a job.
I start working tomorrow at the World of Burgers.
Here's the parental consent form for my work permit.
Just sign here.
Like I said, the man is smooth.
Why can't I have parents who yell? Heh.
What did you do this time? [MIKE SCOFFS.]
For your information, they just happen to be deciding whether to let me take a job at World of Burgers.
[CAROL SNORTS.]
Somebody hired you? [LAUGHS.]
Fine, fine.
Go ahead and laugh.
I just happen to know that Mom and Dad have a great deal of faith in me.
I have no faith whatsoever that he can handle both a job and school.
So we agree.
At the same time, we can't just give up on him.
You're saying that for the first time in his life he wants to work, so give him the chance? Yes.
You think getting this job could be a turning point for him.
-Yes, and then-- -I know.
You think when you love your kids, it involves risks.
Exactly.
Do I think anything else? -No, that about covers it.
-Yeah.
I think I know what you're gonna say too.
You'll say that with this job, he's gonna forget about school completely.
MAGGIE: Mm-hm.
Then we've got a dropout with a car and a lot of time on his hands.
And then the first time he takes that car out he's gonna meet a 23-year-old woman.
And then he's gonna quit his job, he has no time for burgers anymore.
You know what I mean? All he wants to do is drive, and he wants to drive so fast because he's going to lovers' lane.
Going to lovers' lane so fast, that car spins out of control and hits another car, boom.
And it's a Buick, but that's another story.
And even though nobody is hurt, thank goodness ugh, Mike's still in trouble.
Whoa.
He let his car insurance expire, no.
And next, look out.
At the door, there she is.
That 23-year-old woman, yes, that one, and here she is now, heavy with child.
Yes, and she wants to marry Mike now.
Now we've got a kid with a kid and no job no income, no insurance and no future.
You read my mind.
Maggie, don't you think you're overreacting just a little? [MAGGIE SCOFFS.]
Me? Okay, we both see both sides of the question.
So, what do we do? Well, we do what any sensitive, loving, caring parent would do.
And I call heads.
[CHUCKLES.]
Ha, ha.
Dad.
Ha.
Uh, I was just picking up this glass that someone thoughtlessly left on the floor.
Probably Ben.
Well, we were just discussing your job.
Job? What job? Oh, World of Burgers.
It just slipped my mind.
You know, I've been studying so hard.
JASON: Mm.
Heh, heh.
Well, Mike, we've been giving careful consideration to both sides of this question, and after carefully considering it we think that it would be taking a big chance.
-But we're gonna sign those papers-- -Thanks, you will not regret this.
-Make sure your grades don't-- -No problem.
I will maintain a solid D average.
I think we were hoping for something more.
Hey, whatever you want.
D-plus, great.
Yes.
Jason, this nickel has two heads.
-What's your point? -Oh.
Now, this is the beverage center.
We got large, extra-large, colossal.
Oh, whoa.
No, no, this is colossal, this is whoa.
Oh, okay.
Excuse me, Mr.
Krassner? Now, Terry, I told you before.
I like my employees to call me by my first name.
Okay, Scooter.
Um.
I think those whatchamacallit things are clogged.
-Not the grease traps? -That's it.
Oh, my gosh.
Excuse me.
-Hi.
-Hi.
-Are you new here too? -Yeah, it's my first day.
It's my second.
I don't know.
It's all so complex.
You're kidding.
Mr.
Krassner-- Uh, Scooter says if I really apply myself I could get to be employee of the month, just like Joey Scavuglio.
Dare to dream.
Heh.
Titanic cheeseburger, considerable fries, and a root beer.
A diet whoa.
You talking to me? Oh, brother.
No sweat, I can handle this.
Okay.
That's a colossal, I said a whoa.
Oh, right, sorry.
[GASPING.]
Be right with you.
[GASPING.]
You forgot my titanic burger.
Oh.
Right, I'll be right with you.
Just a minute.
Amateurs.
Okay, that's one Madhouse, no nuts.
One titanic burger, hold the iceberg lettuce.
One considerable fries, two iced teas, one whoa, one colossal, no ice.
One Patty Meltdown with Nuclear dressing, Fallout's on the side.
I knew I was right about Mike.
Look at him go.
A Patty Meltdown? I'll bet $5 he messes up the change.
I'll take that action.
Nine and 10.
Thank you.
And as we say at W.
O.
B.
, don't get any on you.
Oh, what a charming little family here.
Welcome to the World of Burgers.
How may I help you? -Well, we just came to look.
-You gotta order something, Dad.
-Okay, I'll take a meal on a stick with-- MAGGIE: No, you don't.
No junk food.
[WHISPERS.]
Mom.
We have a nice dinner ready at home.
I don't want him loading up on grease.
Double or nothing he's out of here in 10 minutes.
Mike, we've just never had [SHOUTING.]
an employee of the month in our family.
[IN NORMAL VOICE.]
I just came down to see you work.
I've always been a sucker for a man in uniform.
CAROL: Ha, ha.
-You have? -Mike, we have a little surprise for you.
-Oh, a little surprise? Ha, ha.
Be sure you come straight home after work, okay? [IN NORMAL VOICE.]
Okay.
Hi, I'm the manager.
Is there a problem here? None, I was down here for breakfast this morning and this man gave me such incredible service I just wanted to bring the whole family down to meet him in person.
-Wow.
-So, kids, we'd better be going.
But I want you to remember this day always.
Mike, I don't know what to do.
This guy wants extra ketchup.
-I tried to talk him out of it.
-Look, Terry, would you just relax? I can't relax.
Mike, if I mess up again, I'm out of here.
-Look, you're not gonna mess up, okay? -Terry! [TERRY GASPS.]
Your register drawer is open.
Uh, Scooter, that's my fault.
She just got back from her break.
I was handling both registers while she was gone.
Mike? I don't believe it.
You're the employee of the month.
Look, I'm sorry, Scooter, I've learned my lesson.
My heart is beating a mile a minute here.
Oh, Mike.
That was so nice of you.
If there's ever anything I can ever do for you don't hesitate to ask, okay? Well.
-Mike.
-Yeah, Scooter? This cash register is $37 short.
-Thirty-seven--? -I just don't know what to say.
Look, Scooter, I'm sorry.
It will not happen again.
I know.
What does that mean? [STAMMERS.]
I'm sorry, my hands are tied.
You're fired.
Ahh, fired.
Mom? Dad? Dad, something's happened today.
[BEN WHISPERING INDISTINCTLY.]
ALL: Surprise! [MAGGIE & CAROL CHUCKLING.]
A little something for our employee of the month.
Mike, we are so proud of you.
[MAGGIE LAUGHS.]
[FAMILY CHATTERING.]
Mike's still sitting there behind the wheel with his mouth hanging open.
MAGGIE: Aw.
-Has he stopped drooling yet? Carol, if you'd stop making fun for one second you might learn from your brother's example.
-I might learn from Mike? -Yes.
His grades are up.
He's doing very well on the job.
Instead of wasting his money on Scritti Politti records he's saved almost all of it.
I have straight A's, I do all my chores and I'd sooner kill than spend a nickel on Scritti Politti.
But you've always been a good kid.
That's my crime? Carol, all we're saying is that even a model child like you can learn something from Mike's accomplishment.
So if I'd spent my whole life as a total screw-up and then did just one thing right, I'd be given a car too? "Wanted, sales representative for international cosmetic firm.
We're looking for a young, aggressive, self-starter interested in 6000 a month minimum and is fluent in Turkish.
" Always a catch.
Take me to Disney World and step on it.
I'm gonna step on you.
You don't look like a new responsible Mike.
Who said that? Dad did on the way home from World of Burgers when Mom was crying.
Crying? Like she did when Carol joined MENSA.
You know, life was a lot better when Mom and Dad thought I was garbage.
I think you're garbage, Mike.
Thanks.
-Can I stay? -Why not? -You wanna know how much the car cost? -No.
-Two thousand six hundred and five dollars.
-Ben.
Plus tax, license and dealer prep.
If you say one more word about how proud they are of me you're gonna have to leave.
Okay.
I didn't ask them to have any faith in me, did I? Right? -Yes or no? -Uh, no? -That's right.
-Good.
I'm gonna find a way to mess things up.
-What's their problem? -You messed up? -No.
-Oh.
I'm not about to go in there and break their hearts.
-I can't do something like that, can I, Ben? -Sure.
-No.
-Uh, that's what I meant.
-So now I have to do what I have to do.
-Right.
If you wanna save yourself a lot of grief don't let Mom and Dad expect great things from you.
Let them know you're a real disappointment now.
[DOORBELL RINGING.]
JASON: Maggie? MAGGIE: Jason? -Oh.
-Oh, you are here.
[DOORBELL CONTINUES RINGING.]
JASON: Maggie? MAGGIE: Jason? JASON: I thought you were gonna answer.
-I thought you were.
[KNOCKING.]
TERRY: I know you're in there, I can hear you.
-Hello.
-Hi, I'm Terry.
-Is Mike home? -No.
Is his burger uniform home? No, he's wearing it.
Oh, that is so sad.
Terry, I'm a psychiatrist.
Well, I'm the new assistant manager at World of Burgers and I need his uniform.
-Oh, well, Mike needs it.
-For what? -For work.
-That's great.
I felt so bad when he got fired.
-Well-- -Hold it.
Hold what? Mike was fired? You didn't know? Oh, boy.
I did it again.
-It sounds like Mike did it again.
-I lied.
Uh, he didn't get fired.
Look, I don't even know him.
I'm just an insane girl who collects burger uniforms.
Uh, just forget I ever came by here, okay? This never happened.
So bye-bye.
-Hey, Dad, how about some one-on-one? -No, I'm too busy right now, Ben.
Doing what? I'm sublimating my anger so I can get my negative emotions under control and have a more constructive attitude, okay? Oh, good luck.
-Hi, Mom.
-Hi.
He's busy.
-You were right.
-I was? We never should have let Mike take that job.
Oh, Jason, I didn't wanna be right about that.
Look at this.
Look, what do you see here? A grease spot? It's not just a grease spot.
This is a symbol of my gullibility.
A $2600 symbol of my gullibility.
Plus tax, license and dealer prep, whatever the hell that is.
Honey, I wouldn't call you gullible.
-I'd say you were-- -Stupid? -I was going to say trusting.
-Well, with Mike, trust is stupid.
Honey, trusting Carol is easy.
And Ben's no problem because, well, he's smaller than us.
-But trusting Mike is a real-- -There, you're back to stupidity again.
Well, I'm not trusting him anymore, Maggie.
Jason, I know he let us down, but maybe there's-- You know, he lied to us for a solid week, just so he wouldn't lose that car.
And I'm really sick of Mike thinking of nobody but himself first.
Jason, maybe you shouldn't talk to him when you're this angry.
Absolutely.
-But you will.
-Absolutely.
[CAR APPROACHING.]
[HORN HONKING.]
Hey, Dad.
Well, if it isn't my hard-working son and his well-deserved car.
Yeah, that's us, Dad.
Ah.
You know, I'm really bushed today, Dad.
So how did it go down at World of Burgers? Looks like you got some on you.
-Yeah, well, to tell you the truth, Dad-- -Excuse me, the what? Just to tell you the truth.
Uh.
I don't know, I'm getting a little bummed with W.
O.
B.
Oh, but you're the employee of the month.
Yeah, but you know, there's a lot of pressure there, Dad.
I don't know, they're talking about making me an assistant manager and that'd mean I'd have to go to Burger College.
I don't know.
I just don't know if I'm university material.
So you're telling me that you're considering quitting this job? Well, I've already got a better job lined up, Dad.
Yeah, it's in the automotive industry.
Ah.
Ford? General Mo-- Chrysler? -Bernie.
Heh.
-Bernie? Yeah, Bernie's Car Wash.
I'm gonna be a rag man, Dad.
Tips galore, great future.
Crud, I can't do this.
I can't look you in the face and lie.
What is it, some kind of magic power? -Mike, I have-- -Dad, I got fired.
It wasn't even my fault.
I was covering for Terry who left her register drawer open.
I'm sorry, I wanted to tell you but that was the day you gave me this car.
What was I supposed to say then? Oh, yes, you didn't wanna risk losing the car.
No, Dad.
It wasn't because of the car.
I mean it was, but not the way you mean.
Look, it was just such a new experience, I mean, having you be so proud of me.
It confused me.
Well, it confused me too.
So don't you see, Dad? I didn't want you to think I was some loser who couldn't be trusted with responsibility just when you started having faith in me.
Well, you gotta have a little faith in me too.
Come on, Dad, no.
If you had somehow found out that I was fired you'd be out here pacing, telling Mom how stupid you were to trust me.
-Well, possibly-- -Dad.
Don't you see? Do you know how hard it's been for me to keep the truth from you? So you lied to me for me? Yeah.
I just didn't wanna let you down.
No matter what happened to me, it didn't matter.
Well, I appreciate that.
Michael, we've been waiting for you-- Uh, Maggie, Mike just told me he lost his job at the burger place last week.
-Oh, he did? -I was shocked.
You were? Jason, he's been lying to us for an entire week.
Yes.
Is that a great kid or what? So there's a difference between doing the wrong thing for the wrong reason and the wrong thing for the right reason.
Any questions? ALL: No.
Great.
BEN: Well, wait, I have a question.
Last month, I broke some of Mom's good china.
How come I didn't get a reward for it? See, there are wrong things and there are right things.
Now, the wrong things sometimes.
[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY.]