Henry Danger (2014) s02e05 Episode Script
Captain Man Goes on Vacation
1 [ Music .]
Where is he? I don't know.
Ray, come on, you're going to miss your plane! I'm coming! [ grunting .]
What is he Ray, what are you doing with that mattress? I'm taking it on my trip.
They're not going to let you take a mattress on a plane.
Yeah, you're right.
Maybe I shouldn't go.
See, I knew it.
Ray, you can't blow off your cousin's wedding.
I know, but most marriages don't work out.
I'll just go to his next wedding.
Okay, okay, okay.
Just admit that you're afraid to leave town because you think me, Charlotte, and Schwoz can't handle things here without you.
Well, what if there's an emergency? Then I'll blow a bubble and Kid Danger will deal with it.
Well, what if you suddenly get that disease, huh? Numb tongue? And you can't blow a bubble? Numb tongue? That's not a real disease.
[ elevator dings .]
People don't talk normally one second and then all of a sudden start going Bluh-uhl-lawala-laluhlul.
Uh-oh.
Does she have numb tongue? See? Hey, shouldn't you be on your way to the airport? Yes.
Yes.
Okay.
I need my suitcase.
Bork! [ grunts .]
Hey, Bork, bring it over here.
[ grunts .]
[ loud thud .]
Thanks, buddy.
[ grunts .]
Okay, what is in here? Stuff I might need, like cotton swabs, shampoo, Stuff I might need, like cotton swabs, shampoo, non-cotton swabs.
like cotton swabs, shampoo, non-cotton swabs.
You know what? non-cotton swabs.
You know what? Let's talk about all You know what? Let's talk about all the different kinds of swabs.
Let's talk about all the different kinds of swabs.
Stalling.
the different kinds of swabs.
Stalling.
Well, it's just-- Stalling.
Well, it's just-- It's only three days.
Well, it's just-- It's only three days.
We can handle it.
It's only three days.
We can handle it.
Go.
We can handle it.
Go.
Okay.
Go.
Okay.
Right after one last Okay.
Right after one last hula dance with Laylani.
Right after one last hula dance with Laylani.
[ all .]
No.
hula dance with Laylani.
[ all .]
No.
Aah! [ all .]
No.
Aah! Okay, fine.
Aah! Okay, fine.
But you better not let Okay, fine.
But you better not let any bad guys get away But you better not let any bad guys get away with crimes while I'm gone.
any bad guys get away with crimes while I'm gone.
Teh.
with crimes while I'm gone.
Teh.
Well, too heavy.
Teh.
Well, too heavy.
Better stay here.
Well, too heavy.
Better stay here.
No.
Better stay here.
No.
I'll get the anti-grav.
No.
I'll get the anti-grav.
Anti-grav? I'll get the anti-grav.
Anti-grav? Yeah, it's a device Anti-grav? Yeah, it's a device you attach Yeah, it's a device you attach to really heavy things you attach to really heavy things to make them a lot lighter.
There.
Oh, man.
It works.
Hey, what-- It works.
Hey, what-- What do these controls-- Hey, what-- What do these controls-- [ both.]
No, no, no.
What do these controls-- [ both.]
No, no, no.
Hey, now.
[ both.]
No, no, no.
Hey, now.
Oh, hold on.
Hey, now.
Oh, hold on.
I am aloft.
It all just kind of happened.
My dad was an irresponsible scientist.
My dad was an irresponsible scientist.
I wanted an after school job.
an irresponsible scientist.
I wanted an after school job.
And by accident, I wanted an after school job.
And by accident, he made me indestructible.
And by accident, he made me indestructible.
Ah! he made me indestructible.
Ah! I went into this crazy store Ah! I went into this crazy store and met I went into this crazy store and met a pretty interesting guy.
and met a pretty interesting guy.
I'm going to blow your mind.
a pretty interesting guy.
I'm going to blow your mind.
Now I protect I'm going to blow your mind.
Now I protect the good citizens of Swellview.
Now I protect the good citizens of Swellview.
who call me the good citizens of Swellview.
who call me He turned out to be who call me He turned out to be You know the name.
He turned out to be You know the name.
Captain Man! You know the name.
Captain Man! That's right, Henry.
Captain Man! That's right, Henry.
In time, I realized that That's right, Henry.
In time, I realized that being a superhero In time, I realized that being a superhero is a lot to handle alone.
being a superhero is a lot to handle alone.
He wanted some help.
is a lot to handle alone.
He wanted some help.
I needed a sidekick.
He wanted some help.
I needed a sidekick.
I, Henry Hart I needed a sidekick.
I, Henry Hart Pledge to never ever ever I, Henry Hart Pledge to never ever ever tell anyone Pledge to never ever ever tell anyone That I'm Captain Man's tell anyone That I'm Captain Man's secret sidekick.
That I'm Captain Man's secret sidekick.
It is done.
secret sidekick.
It is done.
Now we blow bubbles.
It is done.
Now we blow bubbles.
And fight crime.
Now we blow bubbles.
And fight crime.
Feels good.
Call it.
Up the tube! Oh, my boot.
Ha! Okay, ready? Yep.
Trick Shot.
Take 57.
Go.
All right.
This ball is going to hit the stove hood thingy, ricochet off of the refrigerator, bounce onto the counter, and drop right into the fish bowl.
I doubt it.
Why doubt me? Because you've missed the last 56 times in a row.
Well, 57 is my lucky number.
Yeah, you said that about 7, 14, 23-- I have lots of lucky numbers.
Here comes the magic.
I am not okay! Oh, oh.
I did it.
I got it.
This is the greatest moment of my life and you didn't get it on video, did you? No.
Aah! Do you realize that Jana Tetrazini has way more subscribers that Jana Tetrazini has way more subscribers than I do? has way more subscribers than I do? Oh no.
than I do? Oh no.
Don't you mock Oh no.
Don't you mock my social media pain.
Don't you mock my social media pain.
Wait, are you talking my social media pain.
Wait, are you talking about that little girl Wait, are you talking about that little girl who posts those videos about that little girl who posts those videos about cold yoga? who posts those videos about cold yoga? See? about cold yoga? See? Even he knows See? Even he knows about her new videos.
Even he knows about her new videos.
Okay, what is cold yoga? about her new videos.
Okay, what is cold yoga? [ sighs .]
Okay, what is cold yoga? [ sighs .]
See, cold yoga is when-- [ sighs .]
See, cold yoga is when-- I'm telling him.
See, cold yoga is when-- I'm telling him.
[ sighs .]
I'm telling him.
[ sighs .]
It's when you do yoga in a room [ sighs .]
It's when you do yoga in a room that's only 39 degrees or lower.
It's when you do yoga in a room that's only 39 degrees or lower.
That sounds terrible.
that's only 39 degrees or lower.
That sounds terrible.
It is.
That sounds terrible.
It is.
But for some reason everyone It is.
But for some reason everyone loves Jana Tetrazini's But for some reason everyone loves Jana Tetrazini's stupid cold yoga videos.
loves Jana Tetrazini's stupid cold yoga videos.
Hey, you want stupid cold yoga videos.
Hey, you want more subscribers Hey, you want more subscribers than Jana Tetrazini? more subscribers than Jana Tetrazini? You know I do.
than Jana Tetrazini? You know I do.
Then why don't you You know I do.
Then why don't you start making cold yoga videos? Then why don't you start making cold yoga videos? So, your idea is for Piper start making cold yoga videos? So, your idea is for Piper to just steal Jana's idea? So, your idea is for Piper to just steal Jana's idea? Shut up.
to just steal Jana's idea? Shut up.
I love this.
Shut up.
I love this.
It's perfect.
I love this.
It's perfect.
Right? It's perfect.
Right? Because if you can't Right? Because if you can't beat somebody, Because if you can't beat somebody, you just copy what they do beat somebody, you just copy what they do and pretend like you just copy what they do and pretend like it was your idea.
and pretend like it was your idea.
I can do that.
it was your idea.
I can do that.
And if you want, Henry and I I can do that.
And if you want, Henry and I can help you make better And if you want, Henry and I can help you make better cold yoga videos.
can help you make better cold yoga videos.
[ watch beeping .]
cold yoga videos.
[ watch beeping .]
Henry's not going to help [ watch beeping .]
Henry's not going to help because Henry's Henry's not going to help because Henry's walking out of here.
because Henry's walking out of here.
Wait! walking out of here.
Wait! Can I use your camera? Wait! Can I use your camera? Yeah, it's in my room.
Can I use your camera? Yeah, it's in my room.
Use whatever you want.
Yeah, it's in my room.
Use whatever you want.
Just stay out Use whatever you want.
Just stay out of my underwear drawer.
Hey, Char, what's up? There's a robbery going down at that eyeglass store There's a robbery going down at that eyeglass store in midtown, Specs and the City.
at that eyeglass store in midtown, Specs and the City.
Okay.
I know where that is.
in midtown, Specs and the City.
Okay.
I know where that is.
I'm on my way.
Okay.
I know where that is.
I'm on my way.
Hurry.
I'm on my way.
Hurry.
We got to prove to Ray Hurry.
We got to prove to Ray that we can handle things We got to prove to Ray that we can handle things while he's gone.
that we can handle things while he's gone.
Henry, look.
while he's gone.
Henry, look.
It's me, Schwoz.
Henry, look.
It's me, Schwoz.
I got no time It's me, Schwoz.
I got no time for you, Schwoz.
Come on, man.
Hurry it up.
Look, why don't you Hurry it up.
Look, why don't you just steal my money Look, why don't you just steal my money and then you can go get just steal my money and then you can go get your glasses made and then you can go get your glasses made wherever you want.
your glasses made wherever you want.
No.
wherever you want.
No.
This place has the best reviews No.
This place has the best reviews on Yarp, This place has the best reviews on Yarp, so you're making my glasses.
on Yarp, so you're making my glasses.
[ clears throat .]
so you're making my glasses.
[ clears throat .]
I don't think so, jerk.
[ clears throat .]
I don't think so, jerk.
Kid Danger.
I don't think so, jerk.
Kid Danger.
Thank god Kid Danger.
Thank god you and Captain Man are here.
Thank god you and Captain Man are here.
Actually, Captain Man's you and Captain Man are here.
Actually, Captain Man's at his cousin's wedding Actually, Captain Man's at his cousin's wedding in Cleveland.
at his cousin's wedding in Cleveland.
Captain Man ain't here? in Cleveland.
Captain Man ain't here? No.
Captain Man ain't here? No.
All right, No.
All right, you just keep making my glasses All right, you just keep making my glasses and those lenses you just keep making my glasses and those lenses better be progressive.
and those lenses better be progressive.
Okay, okay.
better be progressive.
Okay, okay.
Hey, man! Okay, okay.
Hey, man! You love your mother? Hey, man! You love your mother? Yeah.
You love your mother? Yeah.
Then freeze, mother lover! Yeah.
Then freeze, mother lover! No! Then freeze, mother lover! No! [ grunts .]
No! [ grunts .]
You should've freezed.
[ grunts .]
You should've freezed.
Hey! You should've freezed.
Hey! Whoa! Oh, what? [ screaming .]
Well, sir, looks like I just saved your life.
I'm here.
I just saved your life.
I'm here.
Captain Man! I'm here.
Captain Man! Captain Man? Captain Man! Captain Man? Just a moment.
There.
You're safe now.
Thank you, Captain Man.
You're safe now.
Thank you, Captain Man.
Oh, I got to go tell my wife Thank you, Captain Man.
Oh, I got to go tell my wife what you did.
Oh, I got to go tell my wife what you did.
But-- what you did.
But-- What are you doing here? But-- What are you doing here? Fighting crime.
What are you doing here? Fighting crime.
No, you're just here Fighting crime.
No, you're just here because you don't trust No, you're just here because you don't trust me and Charlotte and Schwoz because you don't trust me and Charlotte and Schwoz to handle things me and Charlotte and Schwoz to handle things while you're away.
to handle things while you're away.
Well, you don't have while you're away.
Well, you don't have my experience.
Well, you don't have my experience.
And I don't have my experience.
And I don't have your enormous ego.
And I don't have your enormous ego.
That, too.
your enormous ego.
That, too.
I've been doing this job That, too.
I've been doing this job for over a year, I've been doing this job for over a year, and I can handle things for over a year, and I can handle things for three stupid days and I can handle things for three stupid days without you.
for three stupid days without you.
Oh, really? without you.
Oh, really? Like you handled this crime? Oh, really? Like you handled this crime? Yes.
Like you handled this crime? Yes.
I completely handled this crime.
Yes.
I completely handled this crime.
Yeah, I guess.
I completely handled this crime.
Yeah, I guess.
Okay.
Yeah, I guess.
Okay.
Fine, I'll go.
Okay.
Fine, I'll go.
Captain Man.
Fine, I'll go.
Captain Man.
This is my wife, Nancy.
Captain Man.
This is my wife, Nancy.
Oh, hi.
This is my wife, Nancy.
Oh, hi.
Out! Hey, I'm back.
Where are the-- Whoa.
Where are the-- Whoa.
It's freezing in here.
Whoa.
It's freezing in here.
Yep.
It's freezing in here.
Yep.
Look at your parents' plant.
Whoa.
This is perfect for cold yoga.
I know.
This is perfect for cold yoga.
I know.
So, where are the girls? The girls? Yeah.
You said you were going Yeah.
You said you were going to get six girls You said you were going to get six girls to be in the video.
to get six girls to be in the video.
Jasper to be in the video.
Jasper I tried.
Jasper I tried.
But everyone was busy.
I tried.
But everyone was busy.
And one girl poked me But everyone was busy.
And one girl poked me in my throat.
And one girl poked me in my throat.
So we got nobody to be in my throat.
So we got nobody to be in my cold yoga video? So we got nobody to be in my cold yoga video? [ doorbell rings .]
in my cold yoga video? [ doorbell rings .]
Hey.
[ doorbell rings .]
Hey.
Hi.
Hey.
Hi.
Hi.
Hi.
Hi.
Them? Hi.
Them? Weird, weirder, Them? Weird, weirder, and sister of weirder? Weird, weirder, and sister of weirder? I'm not his sister.
and sister of weirder? I'm not his sister.
She's my cousin.
I'm not his sister.
She's my cousin.
Get it right.
She's my cousin.
Get it right.
I'll show you what's right.
Get it right.
I'll show you what's right.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
I'll show you what's right.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Grr.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Grr.
Is it cold Grr.
Is it cold in your bathroom, too? Is it cold in your bathroom, too? I have to pee, in your bathroom, too? I have to pee, but I'm afraid it will freeze.
I have to pee, but I'm afraid it will freeze.
I know everything about urine but I'm afraid it will freeze.
I know everything about urine and it doesn't freeze.
[ sighs .]
[ elevator dings .]
[ both .]
Aah! [ loud party music .]
What is going on? I don't know! Come on! I don't know! Come on! [ laughing .]
Oh, Henry! Welcome to the party! Charlotte! Welcome to the party! Charlotte! What's up, baby? Charlotte! What's up, baby? How could you have a party What's up, baby? How could you have a party here without Ray's permission? How could you have a party here without Ray's permission? Easy! here without Ray's permission? Easy! He's not here! Easy! He's not here! [ laughing .]
You know, we promised Ray we'd be responsible! Ah, what's going to happen? we'd be responsible! Ah, what's going to happen? Anything! Ah, what's going to happen? Anything! You never [ screams .]
-- Anything! You never [ screams .]
-- Henry! You never [ screams .]
-- Henry! Hey! Henry! Hey! Hey, Bork! Hey! Hey, Bork! Charlotte is not a toy! Hey, Bork! Charlotte is not a toy! Put her down! Charlotte is not a toy! Put her down! [ grunts .]
Put her down! [ grunts .]
Who just-- [ grunts .]
Who just-- Aah! Aah! Henry! [ screams .]
Henry! [ screams .]
Henry! [ alert buzzing .]
[ laughing .]
[ both .]
Aah.
This place looks disgusting.
[ both .]
Aah.
This place looks disgusting.
Yeah.
This place looks disgusting.
Yeah.
So does Schwoz.
Yeah.
So does Schwoz.
Hey, Schwoz.
So does Schwoz.
Hey, Schwoz.
Sleepy time is over.
Hey, Schwoz.
Sleepy time is over.
Wake up.
Sleepy time is over.
Wake up.
[ mumbles .]
Wake up.
[ mumbles .]
How late [ mumbles .]
How late did this party go on? How late did this party go on? We broke up around 6:00 a.
m.
did this party go on? We broke up around 6:00 a.
m.
Oh, look, We broke up around 6:00 a.
m.
Oh, look, my sister Winnie fell asleep.
Oh, look, my sister Winnie fell asleep.
So peaceful.
my sister Winnie fell asleep.
So peaceful.
So beautiful.
So peaceful.
So beautiful.
Uh-huh.
So beautiful.
Uh-huh.
Yeah.
Uh-huh.
Yeah.
Now, listen.
Yeah.
Now, listen.
You better clean all this Now, listen.
You better clean all this Oh, man.
You better clean all this Oh, man.
The crime light.
Oh, man.
The crime light.
How long The crime light.
How long has that been flashing? How long has that been flashing? Since 9:37 last night.
has that been flashing? Since 9:37 last night.
Dang ding it, Schwoz.
Since 9:37 last night.
Dang ding it, Schwoz.
[ screams .]
Dang ding it, Schwoz.
[ screams .]
Aah, you spooked my sister.
[ screams .]
Aah, you spooked my sister.
Winnie! Winnie! Aah, you spooked my sister.
Winnie! Winnie! Stop running! Stop running! Winnie! Winnie! Stop running! Stop running! Whoa, whoa, whoa.
What are you doing? Since no one answered the emergency call, Since no one answered the emergency call, I'm checking to see the emergency call, I'm checking to see if someone left a message.
I'm checking to see if someone left a message.
You have if someone left a message.
You have one new emergency voicemail.
You have one new emergency voicemail.
Hello? Captain Man? one new emergency voicemail.
Hello? Captain Man? This is Carlos from Sushi Dushi.
Hello? Captain Man? This is Carlos from Sushi Dushi.
It's Carlos from Sushi Dushi.
This is Carlos from Sushi Dushi.
It's Carlos from Sushi Dushi.
I know.
It's Carlos from Sushi Dushi.
I know.
I'm sitting right here.
I know.
I'm sitting right here.
There's a guy robbing us I'm sitting right here.
There's a guy robbing us right now.
There's a guy robbing us right now.
He's locking us in the fridge right now.
He's locking us in the fridge so he can steal He's locking us in the fridge so he can steal a huge tuna fish.
so he can steal a huge tuna fish.
He's locking them all a huge tuna fish.
He's locking them all in the fridge.
He's locking them all in the fridge.
Still sitting here.
in the fridge.
Still sitting here.
Get in the fridge.
Still sitting here.
Get in the fridge.
Why, man? Get in the fridge.
Why, man? Where's the tuna fish? Why, man? Where's the tuna fish? I don't know.
Where's the tuna fish? I don't know.
I know you got a tuna fish I don't know.
I know you got a tuna fish in here.
I know you got a tuna fish in here.
We don't have a tuna fish.
in here.
We don't have a tuna fish.
Get in the fridge right now.
We don't have a tuna fish.
Get in the fridge right now.
And give me your phone.
Get in the fridge right now.
And give me your phone.
Give me your phone And give me your phone.
Give me your phone and get in the fridge.
Give me your phone and get in the fridge.
Captain Man, and get in the fridge.
Captain Man, Captain Man, save us.
Captain Man, Captain Man, save us.
What are you thinking? Captain Man, save us.
What are you thinking? The robber's voice What are you thinking? The robber's voice sounds so familiar.
The robber's voice sounds so familiar.
I know.
sounds so familiar.
I know.
Can you cross check it I know.
Can you cross check it against the national Can you cross check it against the national voice database? against the national voice database? Sure.
voice database? Sure.
Get in the fridge right now Sure.
Get in the fridge right now and give me your phone.
Get in the fridge right now and give me your phone.
Give me your phone and give me your phone.
Give me your phone and then get in the fridge.
Ah.
Okay.
So the robber Okay.
So the robber is either Jeff or Miley.
So the robber is either Jeff or Miley.
I'm thinking it's Jeff.
is either Jeff or Miley.
I'm thinking it's Jeff.
Jeff.
I'm thinking it's Jeff.
Jeff.
The stupidest criminal Jeff.
The stupidest criminal in Swellview.
The stupidest criminal in Swellview.
Well, you better find him in Swellview.
Well, you better find him and arrest him Well, you better find him and arrest him or Ray's going to fire us all.
and arrest him or Ray's going to fire us all.
Then I guess or Ray's going to fire us all.
Then I guess I'll chew some gum Then I guess I'll chew some gum and fight some scum.
[ screaming .]
Aah.
You did it again.
Winnie! Aah.
You did it again.
Winnie! Winnie, slow down! Winnie! Winnie, slow down! Have some sugar cubes! I'm Piper Hart.
This is Cold Yoga.
I'm your instructor.
Let's start with a simple downward freezing dog.
[ grunting .]
Good.
Now we're going to do a Penguin Pretzel.
Terrific.
This is the Happy Freezing Baby Position.
Be sure to remember to exhale.
Exhale through what? I don't care what you exhale through! Why didn't you use any of the good footage? That was the good footage.
any of the good footage? That was the good footage.
I cut out all the bad parts, That was the good footage.
I cut out all the bad parts, like when Sidney started crying I cut out all the bad parts, like when Sidney started crying and when Oliver vomited.
like when Sidney started crying and when Oliver vomited.
This is never going and when Oliver vomited.
This is never going to get me more subscribers This is never going to get me more subscribers than Jana Tetrazini.
You failed me.
Well, I don't think it's fair to say-- Well, I don't think it's fair to say-- Say it.
it's fair to say-- Say it.
Say what? Say it.
Say what? Say, "I failed you, Say what? Say, "I failed you, "and now I'm going to go home Say, "I failed you, "and now I'm going to go home "and sit by myself "and now I'm going to go home "and sit by myself "thinking about "and sit by myself "thinking about how and why I failed you.
" I failed you, and now I'm going to go home and sit by myself thinking about and now I'm going to go home and sit by myself thinking about how and why I failed you.
and sit by myself thinking about how and why I failed you.
Door is that way.
how and why I failed you.
Door is that way.
Namaste.
Door is that way.
Namaste.
Nama-go! Dude, I told you, this tuna fish meat will cost you 700 bucks a pound.
this tuna fish meat will cost you 700 bucks a pound.
[ cell phone ringing .]
will cost you 700 bucks a pound.
[ cell phone ringing .]
Hang on.
[ cell phone ringing .]
Hang on.
Yeah, it's Jeff.
Hang on.
Yeah, it's Jeff.
Of course I got the tuna.
Hey, someone's foot just came through my door.
Looks like you're going to need a door hole repair man, Jeff.
to need a door hole repair man, Jeff.
Ah, crud.
repair man, Jeff.
Ah, crud.
Hey, it's Kid Danger Ah, crud.
Hey, it's Kid Danger and Captain Man.
Hey, it's Kid Danger and Captain Man.
Can you come bail me out and Captain Man.
Can you come bail me out of jail later? Can you come bail me out of jail later? Ah, it's just me, Jeff.
of jail later? Ah, it's just me, Jeff.
Captain Man's out of town.
Ah, it's just me, Jeff.
Captain Man's out of town.
Oh.
Captain Man's out of town.
Oh.
Cool, so after you pick up Oh.
Cool, so after you pick up this tuna, you want to go see Cool, so after you pick up this tuna, you want to go see a movie or something? this tuna, you want to go see a movie or something? I heard that the sequel-- a movie or something? I heard that the sequel-- Dude.
I heard that the sequel-- Dude.
The only movie you're going Dude.
The only movie you're going to see is one in jail The only movie you're going to see is one in jail on movie night.
to see is one in jail on movie night.
If they even have that.
on movie night.
If they even have that.
Now, stand up or get zapped.
If they even have that.
Now, stand up or get zapped.
I ought to slap that thing Now, stand up or get zapped.
I ought to slap that thing out of your hand.
I ought to slap that thing out of your hand.
I'd like to see you out of your hand.
I'd like to see you try to slap-- I'd like to see you try to slap-- Okay, that really hurt my hand.
try to slap-- Okay, that really hurt my hand.
[ cell phone rings .]
Okay, that really hurt my hand.
[ cell phone rings .]
Oh, that could be [ cell phone rings .]
Oh, that could be my tuna buyer.
Oh, that could be my tuna buyer.
Give me my phone.
my tuna buyer.
Give me my phone.
Oh, you want your phone? Give me my phone.
Oh, you want your phone? This thing right here? Oh, you want your phone? This thing right here? Are you playing This thing right here? Are you playing keep away from me? Are you playing keep away from me? Yes, I'm playing keep away from me? Yes, I'm playing keep away from you.
Yes, I'm playing keep away from you.
All right, that does it.
[ laughs .]
Aah! [ grunts .]
Aah! [ grunts .]
[ wheezing .]
[ grunts .]
[ wheezing .]
I hate you.
[ wheezing .]
I hate you.
[ grunting .]
[ wheezing .]
You all right? Okay, hit the table twice if you're okay.
Okay, was that one or two? Hey, Piper, want some cheese milk? Yeah, sure.
want some cheese milk? Yeah, sure.
Aah! Ah, why'd you scream? Because Jana Tetrazini lost more than half Because Jana Tetrazini lost more than half of her subscribers.
lost more than half of her subscribers.
Well, I don't know of her subscribers.
Well, I don't know what that means and now I have Well, I don't know what that means and now I have to go change my pants.
what that means and now I have to go change my pants.
Hello, Hart family.
to go change my pants.
Hello, Hart family.
I can't talk.
Hello, Hart family.
I can't talk.
I've got cheese milk I can't talk.
I've got cheese milk on my pants.
I've got cheese milk on my pants.
Been there.
on my pants.
Been there.
Hey, why are you here? Been there.
Hey, why are you here? Here's a better question.
Hey, why are you here? Here's a better question.
Why did Jana Tetrazini Here's a better question.
Why did Jana Tetrazini lose half of her subscribers Why did Jana Tetrazini lose half of her subscribers in the past two days? lose half of her subscribers in the past two days? How do you know that? in the past two days? How do you know that? Because I caused it How do you know that? Because I caused it with a little video I posted.
Because I caused it with a little video I posted.
Check this out.
Cold Yoga? Cold Death.
These innocent kids tried cold yoga and their bodies will never be the same.
Look at the pain.
Why? The sorrow.
Grr.
The vomit.
All because someone someone evil told them that cold yoga was a good idea.
That person? Jana Tetrazini.
Click here to unsubscribe from Jana Tetrazini's videos or else this could be you.
[ crying .]
That's amazing.
I I don't even know what to say.
I I don't even know what to say.
I think you should say, I don't even know what to say.
I think you should say, "Jasper's awesome and now I think you should say, "Jasper's awesome and now "I'm going to sit here "Jasper's awesome and now "I'm going to sit here "and think about how and why "I'm going to sit here "and think about how and why Jasper's so awesome.
" "and think about how and why Jasper's so awesome.
" I don't want to say that.
Jasper's so awesome.
" I don't want to say that.
Oh, then maybe I don't want to say that.
Oh, then maybe I'll just take my video down.
Oh, then maybe I'll just take my video down.
Wait.
I'll just take my video down.
Wait.
Jasper's awesome.
Wait.
Jasper's awesome.
And now I'm going to sit here Jasper's awesome.
And now I'm going to sit here and think about how and why And now I'm going to sit here and think about how and why Jasper is so awesome.
and think about how and why Jasper is so awesome.
Namaste.
Well I'm completely out of pants.
Been there.
But I'm pretty sure Jeff meant to knock twice.
Anyway, 30 minutes later Jeff meant to knock twice.
Anyway, 30 minutes later he was in jail Anyway, 30 minutes later he was in jail and the huge tuna fish he was in jail and the huge tuna fish was back at Sushi Dushi.
and the huge tuna fish was back at Sushi Dushi.
Good.
was back at Sushi Dushi.
Good.
You know, I'm proud of you guys.
Good.
You know, I'm proud of you guys.
Aw, thanks, Ray.
You know, I'm proud of you guys.
Aw, thanks, Ray.
Thanks, man.
Aw, thanks, Ray.
Thanks, man.
I'll bet those employees Thanks, man.
I'll bet those employees at Sushi Dushi I'll bet those employees at Sushi Dushi must've been thrilled at Sushi Dushi must've been thrilled when you finally let them must've been thrilled when you finally let them out of that fridge.
Oh.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It was a magical moment.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It was a magical moment.
Yeah.
It was a magical moment.
Yeah.
Well, fantastic work, guys.
Yeah.
Well, fantastic work, guys.
Now I'm going to head down Well, fantastic work, guys.
Now I'm going to head down to the man cave and install Now I'm going to head down to the man cave and install a mirror in my shower.
to the man cave and install a mirror in my shower.
Okay.
a mirror in my shower.
Okay.
You have fun.
Okay.
You have fun.
I got to get those people You have fun.
I got to get those people out of that fridge.
Hurry! And if they're still alive, bring back some sushi! Will do!
Where is he? I don't know.
Ray, come on, you're going to miss your plane! I'm coming! [ grunting .]
What is he Ray, what are you doing with that mattress? I'm taking it on my trip.
They're not going to let you take a mattress on a plane.
Yeah, you're right.
Maybe I shouldn't go.
See, I knew it.
Ray, you can't blow off your cousin's wedding.
I know, but most marriages don't work out.
I'll just go to his next wedding.
Okay, okay, okay.
Just admit that you're afraid to leave town because you think me, Charlotte, and Schwoz can't handle things here without you.
Well, what if there's an emergency? Then I'll blow a bubble and Kid Danger will deal with it.
Well, what if you suddenly get that disease, huh? Numb tongue? And you can't blow a bubble? Numb tongue? That's not a real disease.
[ elevator dings .]
People don't talk normally one second and then all of a sudden start going Bluh-uhl-lawala-laluhlul.
Uh-oh.
Does she have numb tongue? See? Hey, shouldn't you be on your way to the airport? Yes.
Yes.
Okay.
I need my suitcase.
Bork! [ grunts .]
Hey, Bork, bring it over here.
[ grunts .]
[ loud thud .]
Thanks, buddy.
[ grunts .]
Okay, what is in here? Stuff I might need, like cotton swabs, shampoo, Stuff I might need, like cotton swabs, shampoo, non-cotton swabs.
like cotton swabs, shampoo, non-cotton swabs.
You know what? non-cotton swabs.
You know what? Let's talk about all You know what? Let's talk about all the different kinds of swabs.
Let's talk about all the different kinds of swabs.
Stalling.
the different kinds of swabs.
Stalling.
Well, it's just-- Stalling.
Well, it's just-- It's only three days.
Well, it's just-- It's only three days.
We can handle it.
It's only three days.
We can handle it.
Go.
We can handle it.
Go.
Okay.
Go.
Okay.
Right after one last Okay.
Right after one last hula dance with Laylani.
Right after one last hula dance with Laylani.
[ all .]
No.
hula dance with Laylani.
[ all .]
No.
Aah! [ all .]
No.
Aah! Okay, fine.
Aah! Okay, fine.
But you better not let Okay, fine.
But you better not let any bad guys get away But you better not let any bad guys get away with crimes while I'm gone.
any bad guys get away with crimes while I'm gone.
Teh.
with crimes while I'm gone.
Teh.
Well, too heavy.
Teh.
Well, too heavy.
Better stay here.
Well, too heavy.
Better stay here.
No.
Better stay here.
No.
I'll get the anti-grav.
No.
I'll get the anti-grav.
Anti-grav? I'll get the anti-grav.
Anti-grav? Yeah, it's a device Anti-grav? Yeah, it's a device you attach Yeah, it's a device you attach to really heavy things you attach to really heavy things to make them a lot lighter.
There.
Oh, man.
It works.
Hey, what-- It works.
Hey, what-- What do these controls-- Hey, what-- What do these controls-- [ both.]
No, no, no.
What do these controls-- [ both.]
No, no, no.
Hey, now.
[ both.]
No, no, no.
Hey, now.
Oh, hold on.
Hey, now.
Oh, hold on.
I am aloft.
It all just kind of happened.
My dad was an irresponsible scientist.
My dad was an irresponsible scientist.
I wanted an after school job.
an irresponsible scientist.
I wanted an after school job.
And by accident, I wanted an after school job.
And by accident, he made me indestructible.
And by accident, he made me indestructible.
Ah! he made me indestructible.
Ah! I went into this crazy store Ah! I went into this crazy store and met I went into this crazy store and met a pretty interesting guy.
and met a pretty interesting guy.
I'm going to blow your mind.
a pretty interesting guy.
I'm going to blow your mind.
Now I protect I'm going to blow your mind.
Now I protect the good citizens of Swellview.
Now I protect the good citizens of Swellview.
who call me the good citizens of Swellview.
who call me He turned out to be who call me He turned out to be You know the name.
He turned out to be You know the name.
Captain Man! You know the name.
Captain Man! That's right, Henry.
Captain Man! That's right, Henry.
In time, I realized that That's right, Henry.
In time, I realized that being a superhero In time, I realized that being a superhero is a lot to handle alone.
being a superhero is a lot to handle alone.
He wanted some help.
is a lot to handle alone.
He wanted some help.
I needed a sidekick.
He wanted some help.
I needed a sidekick.
I, Henry Hart I needed a sidekick.
I, Henry Hart Pledge to never ever ever I, Henry Hart Pledge to never ever ever tell anyone Pledge to never ever ever tell anyone That I'm Captain Man's tell anyone That I'm Captain Man's secret sidekick.
That I'm Captain Man's secret sidekick.
It is done.
secret sidekick.
It is done.
Now we blow bubbles.
It is done.
Now we blow bubbles.
And fight crime.
Now we blow bubbles.
And fight crime.
Feels good.
Call it.
Up the tube! Oh, my boot.
Ha! Okay, ready? Yep.
Trick Shot.
Take 57.
Go.
All right.
This ball is going to hit the stove hood thingy, ricochet off of the refrigerator, bounce onto the counter, and drop right into the fish bowl.
I doubt it.
Why doubt me? Because you've missed the last 56 times in a row.
Well, 57 is my lucky number.
Yeah, you said that about 7, 14, 23-- I have lots of lucky numbers.
Here comes the magic.
I am not okay! Oh, oh.
I did it.
I got it.
This is the greatest moment of my life and you didn't get it on video, did you? No.
Aah! Do you realize that Jana Tetrazini has way more subscribers that Jana Tetrazini has way more subscribers than I do? has way more subscribers than I do? Oh no.
than I do? Oh no.
Don't you mock Oh no.
Don't you mock my social media pain.
Don't you mock my social media pain.
Wait, are you talking my social media pain.
Wait, are you talking about that little girl Wait, are you talking about that little girl who posts those videos about that little girl who posts those videos about cold yoga? who posts those videos about cold yoga? See? about cold yoga? See? Even he knows See? Even he knows about her new videos.
Even he knows about her new videos.
Okay, what is cold yoga? about her new videos.
Okay, what is cold yoga? [ sighs .]
Okay, what is cold yoga? [ sighs .]
See, cold yoga is when-- [ sighs .]
See, cold yoga is when-- I'm telling him.
See, cold yoga is when-- I'm telling him.
[ sighs .]
I'm telling him.
[ sighs .]
It's when you do yoga in a room [ sighs .]
It's when you do yoga in a room that's only 39 degrees or lower.
It's when you do yoga in a room that's only 39 degrees or lower.
That sounds terrible.
that's only 39 degrees or lower.
That sounds terrible.
It is.
That sounds terrible.
It is.
But for some reason everyone It is.
But for some reason everyone loves Jana Tetrazini's But for some reason everyone loves Jana Tetrazini's stupid cold yoga videos.
loves Jana Tetrazini's stupid cold yoga videos.
Hey, you want stupid cold yoga videos.
Hey, you want more subscribers Hey, you want more subscribers than Jana Tetrazini? more subscribers than Jana Tetrazini? You know I do.
than Jana Tetrazini? You know I do.
Then why don't you You know I do.
Then why don't you start making cold yoga videos? Then why don't you start making cold yoga videos? So, your idea is for Piper start making cold yoga videos? So, your idea is for Piper to just steal Jana's idea? So, your idea is for Piper to just steal Jana's idea? Shut up.
to just steal Jana's idea? Shut up.
I love this.
Shut up.
I love this.
It's perfect.
I love this.
It's perfect.
Right? It's perfect.
Right? Because if you can't Right? Because if you can't beat somebody, Because if you can't beat somebody, you just copy what they do beat somebody, you just copy what they do and pretend like you just copy what they do and pretend like it was your idea.
and pretend like it was your idea.
I can do that.
it was your idea.
I can do that.
And if you want, Henry and I I can do that.
And if you want, Henry and I can help you make better And if you want, Henry and I can help you make better cold yoga videos.
can help you make better cold yoga videos.
[ watch beeping .]
cold yoga videos.
[ watch beeping .]
Henry's not going to help [ watch beeping .]
Henry's not going to help because Henry's Henry's not going to help because Henry's walking out of here.
because Henry's walking out of here.
Wait! walking out of here.
Wait! Can I use your camera? Wait! Can I use your camera? Yeah, it's in my room.
Can I use your camera? Yeah, it's in my room.
Use whatever you want.
Yeah, it's in my room.
Use whatever you want.
Just stay out Use whatever you want.
Just stay out of my underwear drawer.
Hey, Char, what's up? There's a robbery going down at that eyeglass store There's a robbery going down at that eyeglass store in midtown, Specs and the City.
at that eyeglass store in midtown, Specs and the City.
Okay.
I know where that is.
in midtown, Specs and the City.
Okay.
I know where that is.
I'm on my way.
Okay.
I know where that is.
I'm on my way.
Hurry.
I'm on my way.
Hurry.
We got to prove to Ray Hurry.
We got to prove to Ray that we can handle things We got to prove to Ray that we can handle things while he's gone.
that we can handle things while he's gone.
Henry, look.
while he's gone.
Henry, look.
It's me, Schwoz.
Henry, look.
It's me, Schwoz.
I got no time It's me, Schwoz.
I got no time for you, Schwoz.
Come on, man.
Hurry it up.
Look, why don't you Hurry it up.
Look, why don't you just steal my money Look, why don't you just steal my money and then you can go get just steal my money and then you can go get your glasses made and then you can go get your glasses made wherever you want.
your glasses made wherever you want.
No.
wherever you want.
No.
This place has the best reviews No.
This place has the best reviews on Yarp, This place has the best reviews on Yarp, so you're making my glasses.
on Yarp, so you're making my glasses.
[ clears throat .]
so you're making my glasses.
[ clears throat .]
I don't think so, jerk.
[ clears throat .]
I don't think so, jerk.
Kid Danger.
I don't think so, jerk.
Kid Danger.
Thank god Kid Danger.
Thank god you and Captain Man are here.
Thank god you and Captain Man are here.
Actually, Captain Man's you and Captain Man are here.
Actually, Captain Man's at his cousin's wedding Actually, Captain Man's at his cousin's wedding in Cleveland.
at his cousin's wedding in Cleveland.
Captain Man ain't here? in Cleveland.
Captain Man ain't here? No.
Captain Man ain't here? No.
All right, No.
All right, you just keep making my glasses All right, you just keep making my glasses and those lenses you just keep making my glasses and those lenses better be progressive.
and those lenses better be progressive.
Okay, okay.
better be progressive.
Okay, okay.
Hey, man! Okay, okay.
Hey, man! You love your mother? Hey, man! You love your mother? Yeah.
You love your mother? Yeah.
Then freeze, mother lover! Yeah.
Then freeze, mother lover! No! Then freeze, mother lover! No! [ grunts .]
No! [ grunts .]
You should've freezed.
[ grunts .]
You should've freezed.
Hey! You should've freezed.
Hey! Whoa! Oh, what? [ screaming .]
Well, sir, looks like I just saved your life.
I'm here.
I just saved your life.
I'm here.
Captain Man! I'm here.
Captain Man! Captain Man? Captain Man! Captain Man? Just a moment.
There.
You're safe now.
Thank you, Captain Man.
You're safe now.
Thank you, Captain Man.
Oh, I got to go tell my wife Thank you, Captain Man.
Oh, I got to go tell my wife what you did.
Oh, I got to go tell my wife what you did.
But-- what you did.
But-- What are you doing here? But-- What are you doing here? Fighting crime.
What are you doing here? Fighting crime.
No, you're just here Fighting crime.
No, you're just here because you don't trust No, you're just here because you don't trust me and Charlotte and Schwoz because you don't trust me and Charlotte and Schwoz to handle things me and Charlotte and Schwoz to handle things while you're away.
to handle things while you're away.
Well, you don't have while you're away.
Well, you don't have my experience.
Well, you don't have my experience.
And I don't have my experience.
And I don't have your enormous ego.
And I don't have your enormous ego.
That, too.
your enormous ego.
That, too.
I've been doing this job That, too.
I've been doing this job for over a year, I've been doing this job for over a year, and I can handle things for over a year, and I can handle things for three stupid days and I can handle things for three stupid days without you.
for three stupid days without you.
Oh, really? without you.
Oh, really? Like you handled this crime? Oh, really? Like you handled this crime? Yes.
Like you handled this crime? Yes.
I completely handled this crime.
Yes.
I completely handled this crime.
Yeah, I guess.
I completely handled this crime.
Yeah, I guess.
Okay.
Yeah, I guess.
Okay.
Fine, I'll go.
Okay.
Fine, I'll go.
Captain Man.
Fine, I'll go.
Captain Man.
This is my wife, Nancy.
Captain Man.
This is my wife, Nancy.
Oh, hi.
This is my wife, Nancy.
Oh, hi.
Out! Hey, I'm back.
Where are the-- Whoa.
Where are the-- Whoa.
It's freezing in here.
Whoa.
It's freezing in here.
Yep.
It's freezing in here.
Yep.
Look at your parents' plant.
Whoa.
This is perfect for cold yoga.
I know.
This is perfect for cold yoga.
I know.
So, where are the girls? The girls? Yeah.
You said you were going Yeah.
You said you were going to get six girls You said you were going to get six girls to be in the video.
to get six girls to be in the video.
Jasper to be in the video.
Jasper I tried.
Jasper I tried.
But everyone was busy.
I tried.
But everyone was busy.
And one girl poked me But everyone was busy.
And one girl poked me in my throat.
And one girl poked me in my throat.
So we got nobody to be in my throat.
So we got nobody to be in my cold yoga video? So we got nobody to be in my cold yoga video? [ doorbell rings .]
in my cold yoga video? [ doorbell rings .]
Hey.
[ doorbell rings .]
Hey.
Hi.
Hey.
Hi.
Hi.
Hi.
Hi.
Them? Hi.
Them? Weird, weirder, Them? Weird, weirder, and sister of weirder? Weird, weirder, and sister of weirder? I'm not his sister.
and sister of weirder? I'm not his sister.
She's my cousin.
I'm not his sister.
She's my cousin.
Get it right.
She's my cousin.
Get it right.
I'll show you what's right.
Get it right.
I'll show you what's right.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
I'll show you what's right.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Grr.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Grr.
Is it cold Grr.
Is it cold in your bathroom, too? Is it cold in your bathroom, too? I have to pee, in your bathroom, too? I have to pee, but I'm afraid it will freeze.
I have to pee, but I'm afraid it will freeze.
I know everything about urine but I'm afraid it will freeze.
I know everything about urine and it doesn't freeze.
[ sighs .]
[ elevator dings .]
[ both .]
Aah! [ loud party music .]
What is going on? I don't know! Come on! I don't know! Come on! [ laughing .]
Oh, Henry! Welcome to the party! Charlotte! Welcome to the party! Charlotte! What's up, baby? Charlotte! What's up, baby? How could you have a party What's up, baby? How could you have a party here without Ray's permission? How could you have a party here without Ray's permission? Easy! here without Ray's permission? Easy! He's not here! Easy! He's not here! [ laughing .]
You know, we promised Ray we'd be responsible! Ah, what's going to happen? we'd be responsible! Ah, what's going to happen? Anything! Ah, what's going to happen? Anything! You never [ screams .]
-- Anything! You never [ screams .]
-- Henry! You never [ screams .]
-- Henry! Hey! Henry! Hey! Hey, Bork! Hey! Hey, Bork! Charlotte is not a toy! Hey, Bork! Charlotte is not a toy! Put her down! Charlotte is not a toy! Put her down! [ grunts .]
Put her down! [ grunts .]
Who just-- [ grunts .]
Who just-- Aah! Aah! Henry! [ screams .]
Henry! [ screams .]
Henry! [ alert buzzing .]
[ laughing .]
[ both .]
Aah.
This place looks disgusting.
[ both .]
Aah.
This place looks disgusting.
Yeah.
This place looks disgusting.
Yeah.
So does Schwoz.
Yeah.
So does Schwoz.
Hey, Schwoz.
So does Schwoz.
Hey, Schwoz.
Sleepy time is over.
Hey, Schwoz.
Sleepy time is over.
Wake up.
Sleepy time is over.
Wake up.
[ mumbles .]
Wake up.
[ mumbles .]
How late [ mumbles .]
How late did this party go on? How late did this party go on? We broke up around 6:00 a.
m.
did this party go on? We broke up around 6:00 a.
m.
Oh, look, We broke up around 6:00 a.
m.
Oh, look, my sister Winnie fell asleep.
Oh, look, my sister Winnie fell asleep.
So peaceful.
my sister Winnie fell asleep.
So peaceful.
So beautiful.
So peaceful.
So beautiful.
Uh-huh.
So beautiful.
Uh-huh.
Yeah.
Uh-huh.
Yeah.
Now, listen.
Yeah.
Now, listen.
You better clean all this Now, listen.
You better clean all this Oh, man.
You better clean all this Oh, man.
The crime light.
Oh, man.
The crime light.
How long The crime light.
How long has that been flashing? How long has that been flashing? Since 9:37 last night.
has that been flashing? Since 9:37 last night.
Dang ding it, Schwoz.
Since 9:37 last night.
Dang ding it, Schwoz.
[ screams .]
Dang ding it, Schwoz.
[ screams .]
Aah, you spooked my sister.
[ screams .]
Aah, you spooked my sister.
Winnie! Winnie! Aah, you spooked my sister.
Winnie! Winnie! Stop running! Stop running! Winnie! Winnie! Stop running! Stop running! Whoa, whoa, whoa.
What are you doing? Since no one answered the emergency call, Since no one answered the emergency call, I'm checking to see the emergency call, I'm checking to see if someone left a message.
I'm checking to see if someone left a message.
You have if someone left a message.
You have one new emergency voicemail.
You have one new emergency voicemail.
Hello? Captain Man? one new emergency voicemail.
Hello? Captain Man? This is Carlos from Sushi Dushi.
Hello? Captain Man? This is Carlos from Sushi Dushi.
It's Carlos from Sushi Dushi.
This is Carlos from Sushi Dushi.
It's Carlos from Sushi Dushi.
I know.
It's Carlos from Sushi Dushi.
I know.
I'm sitting right here.
I know.
I'm sitting right here.
There's a guy robbing us I'm sitting right here.
There's a guy robbing us right now.
There's a guy robbing us right now.
He's locking us in the fridge right now.
He's locking us in the fridge so he can steal He's locking us in the fridge so he can steal a huge tuna fish.
so he can steal a huge tuna fish.
He's locking them all a huge tuna fish.
He's locking them all in the fridge.
He's locking them all in the fridge.
Still sitting here.
in the fridge.
Still sitting here.
Get in the fridge.
Still sitting here.
Get in the fridge.
Why, man? Get in the fridge.
Why, man? Where's the tuna fish? Why, man? Where's the tuna fish? I don't know.
Where's the tuna fish? I don't know.
I know you got a tuna fish I don't know.
I know you got a tuna fish in here.
I know you got a tuna fish in here.
We don't have a tuna fish.
in here.
We don't have a tuna fish.
Get in the fridge right now.
We don't have a tuna fish.
Get in the fridge right now.
And give me your phone.
Get in the fridge right now.
And give me your phone.
Give me your phone And give me your phone.
Give me your phone and get in the fridge.
Give me your phone and get in the fridge.
Captain Man, and get in the fridge.
Captain Man, Captain Man, save us.
Captain Man, Captain Man, save us.
What are you thinking? Captain Man, save us.
What are you thinking? The robber's voice What are you thinking? The robber's voice sounds so familiar.
The robber's voice sounds so familiar.
I know.
sounds so familiar.
I know.
Can you cross check it I know.
Can you cross check it against the national Can you cross check it against the national voice database? against the national voice database? Sure.
voice database? Sure.
Get in the fridge right now Sure.
Get in the fridge right now and give me your phone.
Get in the fridge right now and give me your phone.
Give me your phone and give me your phone.
Give me your phone and then get in the fridge.
Ah.
Okay.
So the robber Okay.
So the robber is either Jeff or Miley.
So the robber is either Jeff or Miley.
I'm thinking it's Jeff.
is either Jeff or Miley.
I'm thinking it's Jeff.
Jeff.
I'm thinking it's Jeff.
Jeff.
The stupidest criminal Jeff.
The stupidest criminal in Swellview.
The stupidest criminal in Swellview.
Well, you better find him in Swellview.
Well, you better find him and arrest him Well, you better find him and arrest him or Ray's going to fire us all.
and arrest him or Ray's going to fire us all.
Then I guess or Ray's going to fire us all.
Then I guess I'll chew some gum Then I guess I'll chew some gum and fight some scum.
[ screaming .]
Aah.
You did it again.
Winnie! Aah.
You did it again.
Winnie! Winnie, slow down! Winnie! Winnie, slow down! Have some sugar cubes! I'm Piper Hart.
This is Cold Yoga.
I'm your instructor.
Let's start with a simple downward freezing dog.
[ grunting .]
Good.
Now we're going to do a Penguin Pretzel.
Terrific.
This is the Happy Freezing Baby Position.
Be sure to remember to exhale.
Exhale through what? I don't care what you exhale through! Why didn't you use any of the good footage? That was the good footage.
any of the good footage? That was the good footage.
I cut out all the bad parts, That was the good footage.
I cut out all the bad parts, like when Sidney started crying I cut out all the bad parts, like when Sidney started crying and when Oliver vomited.
like when Sidney started crying and when Oliver vomited.
This is never going and when Oliver vomited.
This is never going to get me more subscribers This is never going to get me more subscribers than Jana Tetrazini.
You failed me.
Well, I don't think it's fair to say-- Well, I don't think it's fair to say-- Say it.
it's fair to say-- Say it.
Say what? Say it.
Say what? Say, "I failed you, Say what? Say, "I failed you, "and now I'm going to go home Say, "I failed you, "and now I'm going to go home "and sit by myself "and now I'm going to go home "and sit by myself "thinking about "and sit by myself "thinking about how and why I failed you.
" I failed you, and now I'm going to go home and sit by myself thinking about and now I'm going to go home and sit by myself thinking about how and why I failed you.
and sit by myself thinking about how and why I failed you.
Door is that way.
how and why I failed you.
Door is that way.
Namaste.
Door is that way.
Namaste.
Nama-go! Dude, I told you, this tuna fish meat will cost you 700 bucks a pound.
this tuna fish meat will cost you 700 bucks a pound.
[ cell phone ringing .]
will cost you 700 bucks a pound.
[ cell phone ringing .]
Hang on.
[ cell phone ringing .]
Hang on.
Yeah, it's Jeff.
Hang on.
Yeah, it's Jeff.
Of course I got the tuna.
Hey, someone's foot just came through my door.
Looks like you're going to need a door hole repair man, Jeff.
to need a door hole repair man, Jeff.
Ah, crud.
repair man, Jeff.
Ah, crud.
Hey, it's Kid Danger Ah, crud.
Hey, it's Kid Danger and Captain Man.
Hey, it's Kid Danger and Captain Man.
Can you come bail me out and Captain Man.
Can you come bail me out of jail later? Can you come bail me out of jail later? Ah, it's just me, Jeff.
of jail later? Ah, it's just me, Jeff.
Captain Man's out of town.
Ah, it's just me, Jeff.
Captain Man's out of town.
Oh.
Captain Man's out of town.
Oh.
Cool, so after you pick up Oh.
Cool, so after you pick up this tuna, you want to go see Cool, so after you pick up this tuna, you want to go see a movie or something? this tuna, you want to go see a movie or something? I heard that the sequel-- a movie or something? I heard that the sequel-- Dude.
I heard that the sequel-- Dude.
The only movie you're going Dude.
The only movie you're going to see is one in jail The only movie you're going to see is one in jail on movie night.
to see is one in jail on movie night.
If they even have that.
on movie night.
If they even have that.
Now, stand up or get zapped.
If they even have that.
Now, stand up or get zapped.
I ought to slap that thing Now, stand up or get zapped.
I ought to slap that thing out of your hand.
I ought to slap that thing out of your hand.
I'd like to see you out of your hand.
I'd like to see you try to slap-- I'd like to see you try to slap-- Okay, that really hurt my hand.
try to slap-- Okay, that really hurt my hand.
[ cell phone rings .]
Okay, that really hurt my hand.
[ cell phone rings .]
Oh, that could be [ cell phone rings .]
Oh, that could be my tuna buyer.
Oh, that could be my tuna buyer.
Give me my phone.
my tuna buyer.
Give me my phone.
Oh, you want your phone? Give me my phone.
Oh, you want your phone? This thing right here? Oh, you want your phone? This thing right here? Are you playing This thing right here? Are you playing keep away from me? Are you playing keep away from me? Yes, I'm playing keep away from me? Yes, I'm playing keep away from you.
Yes, I'm playing keep away from you.
All right, that does it.
[ laughs .]
Aah! [ grunts .]
Aah! [ grunts .]
[ wheezing .]
[ grunts .]
[ wheezing .]
I hate you.
[ wheezing .]
I hate you.
[ grunting .]
[ wheezing .]
You all right? Okay, hit the table twice if you're okay.
Okay, was that one or two? Hey, Piper, want some cheese milk? Yeah, sure.
want some cheese milk? Yeah, sure.
Aah! Ah, why'd you scream? Because Jana Tetrazini lost more than half Because Jana Tetrazini lost more than half of her subscribers.
lost more than half of her subscribers.
Well, I don't know of her subscribers.
Well, I don't know what that means and now I have Well, I don't know what that means and now I have to go change my pants.
what that means and now I have to go change my pants.
Hello, Hart family.
to go change my pants.
Hello, Hart family.
I can't talk.
Hello, Hart family.
I can't talk.
I've got cheese milk I can't talk.
I've got cheese milk on my pants.
I've got cheese milk on my pants.
Been there.
on my pants.
Been there.
Hey, why are you here? Been there.
Hey, why are you here? Here's a better question.
Hey, why are you here? Here's a better question.
Why did Jana Tetrazini Here's a better question.
Why did Jana Tetrazini lose half of her subscribers Why did Jana Tetrazini lose half of her subscribers in the past two days? lose half of her subscribers in the past two days? How do you know that? in the past two days? How do you know that? Because I caused it How do you know that? Because I caused it with a little video I posted.
Because I caused it with a little video I posted.
Check this out.
Cold Yoga? Cold Death.
These innocent kids tried cold yoga and their bodies will never be the same.
Look at the pain.
Why? The sorrow.
Grr.
The vomit.
All because someone someone evil told them that cold yoga was a good idea.
That person? Jana Tetrazini.
Click here to unsubscribe from Jana Tetrazini's videos or else this could be you.
[ crying .]
That's amazing.
I I don't even know what to say.
I I don't even know what to say.
I think you should say, I don't even know what to say.
I think you should say, "Jasper's awesome and now I think you should say, "Jasper's awesome and now "I'm going to sit here "Jasper's awesome and now "I'm going to sit here "and think about how and why "I'm going to sit here "and think about how and why Jasper's so awesome.
" "and think about how and why Jasper's so awesome.
" I don't want to say that.
Jasper's so awesome.
" I don't want to say that.
Oh, then maybe I don't want to say that.
Oh, then maybe I'll just take my video down.
Oh, then maybe I'll just take my video down.
Wait.
I'll just take my video down.
Wait.
Jasper's awesome.
Wait.
Jasper's awesome.
And now I'm going to sit here Jasper's awesome.
And now I'm going to sit here and think about how and why And now I'm going to sit here and think about how and why Jasper is so awesome.
and think about how and why Jasper is so awesome.
Namaste.
Well I'm completely out of pants.
Been there.
But I'm pretty sure Jeff meant to knock twice.
Anyway, 30 minutes later Jeff meant to knock twice.
Anyway, 30 minutes later he was in jail Anyway, 30 minutes later he was in jail and the huge tuna fish he was in jail and the huge tuna fish was back at Sushi Dushi.
and the huge tuna fish was back at Sushi Dushi.
Good.
was back at Sushi Dushi.
Good.
You know, I'm proud of you guys.
Good.
You know, I'm proud of you guys.
Aw, thanks, Ray.
You know, I'm proud of you guys.
Aw, thanks, Ray.
Thanks, man.
Aw, thanks, Ray.
Thanks, man.
I'll bet those employees Thanks, man.
I'll bet those employees at Sushi Dushi I'll bet those employees at Sushi Dushi must've been thrilled at Sushi Dushi must've been thrilled when you finally let them must've been thrilled when you finally let them out of that fridge.
Oh.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It was a magical moment.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It was a magical moment.
Yeah.
It was a magical moment.
Yeah.
Well, fantastic work, guys.
Yeah.
Well, fantastic work, guys.
Now I'm going to head down Well, fantastic work, guys.
Now I'm going to head down to the man cave and install Now I'm going to head down to the man cave and install a mirror in my shower.
to the man cave and install a mirror in my shower.
Okay.
a mirror in my shower.
Okay.
You have fun.
Okay.
You have fun.
I got to get those people You have fun.
I got to get those people out of that fridge.
Hurry! And if they're still alive, bring back some sushi! Will do!