Huff (2004) s02e05 Episode Script

Previously on Huff What we call the giddy-up powder.
Max, this is Craig and Teddy Huffstodt.
Would you mind showing Teddy around? My pleasure.
You sign out in the morning and then you sign back in at night.
The day is yours.
You can go to the beach, shoot hoops, dig through a trash can.
Giver of life and health, relieve and comfort your sick servant Madeleine.
The tumor is shrinking.
What does this mean? Shrinking means getting smaller, sweetheart.
Book our tickets, Jim.
We're going home.
Sweetheart, please, will you float me 100? I have a feeling this is your lucky night.
I put my card in your pocket.
Call me.
Get out of my house, you fucking, pathetic lunatic! What happened with Ms.
Melody? If she goes to prison, she's not going to make it out, honey.
You would let the person who attacked your family back out on the street so they can come back and finish the job? No, honey, I'm saying that she needs help.
I don't know what's going on.
Little fella never let me down before.
- I can fix that.
- You can? Today it was this guy cut me off on the 405.
I mean, didn't have a neck.
I mean, actually smiled at me when he did it.
He didn't have a neck? Yeah, you know that-- that meatloaf look, hovering over the wheel looking uphill even though there's no fucking hill within miles.
Just looking at him pissed me off.
Meatloaf look.
That is definitely a new one.
Wasn't even asian.
I mean, yesterday, some bitch at the deli sneered at me when I asked for extra lean pastrami.
So, you punched out a wall? It's better than punching out the pastrami bitch.
Right.
Darren, when are you going to realize that nobody has to get hurt-- including yourself-- in order for you to get what you need? I know.
I know.
How's the journaling coming? Journaling's for girls.
It's so stupid.
Well, let me ask you a question.
Can you tell me what was bothering you a month ago? No.
- How about last week? - No.
Well, if you were journaling, you would know.
We could flip through it and find out.
So I could, what, sit here and read off Darren's biggest hits? Who cares? I think your biggest hit was definitely the wall in the deli, yesterday.
Now, if you wrote stuff down, we could look through it and make a connection between all of it.
See, I thought that was your job.
Well, it's both our jobs.
And whose next for your fists, do you suppose? Hmm? Ever feel like hitting Linda? Or the girls? I would never hit my wife or children.
- Sure about that? - Yeah, I'm sure.
Look, I'm dealing with this shit, ok.
Not really you're not, no.
You're not taking any of my suggestions.
I'm here, aren't I? - Yeah, with a broken hand.
- Fuck it! I don't need this shit.
Ow! Well, glad I could be of help.
She's a fucking epileptic, Jorge.
You gonna--you gonna just lob a beautiful epileptic with long legs like that into your prison system, see what happens? Ok, 9, man.
9.
Chance of early parole.
Yeah.
Gracias mucho for fucking nada.
Prick.
Where's my fucking package? God damn it! What does it look like, again? It's, you know, like this.
It's one of the inter-office envelopes with the string.
Well, I searched your office and my area 3 times and nothing.
And Leo's not going to be back in the mailroom till 4:00.
I should have been a fucking mailman.
That's what I should have been.
Well, it's never too late, what with your people skills and the natural warmth you so easily exude to others Help me find the fucking package, will you? What's in it, anyway? I don't know.
Uncut fucking diamonds, Margaret.
Find the goddamn package! I need it! Ugh.
Russell, in the inter-office mail system? You need to be on your game.
These clients are friends of Meeks.
You got 10 minutes, Russell.
Ok, what is that? What is that? Is that some kind of fucked-up withdrawal symptom? - What? - What is that? I have some chafing.
Well, pull it together, all right? Chronic ball scratching doesn't exactly inspire confidence in new clients.
Depends on the client.
Some are mysteriously reassured by it.
You know what? Come to think of it, why don't you get me a-- book me a wax at Burke Williams.
Ask for Janelle, please.
Thank you.
You wax? So, what, you've got ingrown hairs down there? Well, actually it's more of a 5 o'clock shadow situation, if you must know.
Ugh, Jesus.
Oh, give me a fucking break.
You and your girlfends send up a nuclear warhead over your women problems, nobody bats an eyelash.
But some poor fella got a little ingrown hair down in his man region and all of a sudden it's the fucking inquisition.
You get out of here.
You said 5 o'clock shadow.
Whatever! It's on my fucking sack and it's driving me fucking nuts.
You know what? I don't even want to know anymore.
I'm going to call Janelle.
God damn it.
That's the second patient in 2 weeks that's stormed out of here in the middle of a session.
But I don't know why I'm surprised.
I mean this place has never been a hotbed of emotional health.
Well, it is a shrink's office, Paula.
Any calls? Yes, and I have some good news.
Your after-lunch canceled instead of showing up and then bolting like some wild, crazed stallion.
So, that frees you up for 3 hours.
Well, that's a first.
Hey, you know what? Here's a thought.
Why don't you take the afternoon off and relax? Huff you spend your entire life helping people who, quite frankly, may be beyond help.
Today, God is telling you to take a fucking break.
Really? Those are his exact words, huh? Just go, get out of this office, and do something for yourself for a change.
Excuse me.
Excuse me.
Excuse me.
Excuse me.
Excuse me.
I'm looking for a former patient of mine.
Her name is Melody Coatar.
When you have a chance, please? I've been here, like, 10 minutes.
What's wrong with you? It's our free time.
I need a job, man.
I want a job.
Have you ever had a job? I had a paper route when I was in seventh grade.
And I sold garden seeds door to door in the snow when I was 11.
Garden seeds, cool.
I thought your brother paid for everything? Why do you even want a job? I'm saving my allowance for a trip or something.
I've never been to Costa Rica and, um, I want a job, man.
People on TV have jobs.
This is true.
But I don't think anybody in their right mind would really hire you.
I tell you this as a friend.
No, you don't.
You tell me this so I won't get a job and look better than you.
Probably.
Come on, man.
Watch me get a job! If I get 2, I'll give you one.
But I don't want a job! I didn't give her the stuff.
I swear to god.
My son wouldn't give anybody drugs.
He's not a drug addict.
Of course he wouldn't.
I believe you.
Really, I do.
Problem is, as you know, Marnie Sams' parents don't, as 2 of her friends are alleging that Jake gave her crystal meth 2 hours before she died.
They're lying! Of--of course they are.
But don't you worry, young man.
I'm gonna make this all go away.
I am.
Um ok, uh, the same 2 friends of the late Marnie Sams claim Jake picked her up at her U.
S.
C.
dorm room, stuffed a pipe with speed, and instructed her in the how-to of smoking.
They're lying.
They then allege you drove to Joshua Tree national park, climbed Ryan Mountain, at which point poor Marnie proceeded to hang glide off of it, unfortunately without the aid of a hang glider.
Cliff! It was a cliff! It was a cliff.
Listen.
For a variety of reasons, none of this stuff is gonna stick.
What if it does? Well, worst case scenario, we lose.
Marnie's folks are awarded a bundle of money.
But because Jake here has no particular assets to speak of, uh, you know, we file for bankruptcy protection on his behalf and he walks around without credit cards for a couple of years.
Anyway, whatever happens, they can't come after your business.
What? Uh about 5 years ago, my estate attorney suggested I start transferring company stock to Jacob.
For tax reasons.
Uh-huh.
How mu--how much stock does young Jake own? I'd say a third of the company? A healthy 7 figures.
Really? Cool.
When was she released? I'm not a walking computer.
Check with admitting.
Or, rather, check with release.
That's what you asked, right? Not when she was admitted but when she was released? No.
When she was released, yes.
They're on the first floor.
Well, I did that.
They referred me to you.
You're kidding? Which one? I don't know.
The blonde hispanic with the lateral lisp or the gay african-american who said, "he can't get that for you now"? It was a gir-- the blonde, I guess.
Shit.
I thought I fired her.
This is insane.
That would be correct, Dr.
Duff.
Huff.
Dr.
Huffstodt.
Look, the last time I saw this patient, she was barely coherent.
You're upset.
I get it.
But that's not my problem right now.
I'm sorry.
I just-- I was her therapist for 8 years.
Yes, and I was her doctor for 2 weeks.
So you do know when she was released.
Please? I just want a couple of answers.
I'm not very good with answers.
Now, questions? They're my specialty.
Oh, for Christ's sake.
All right.
Meet me in the staff cafeteria in 20, and I mean 20.
And you better mean 10.
Staff cafeteria.
And vegetarian means vegetarian.
Make absolutely sure there isn't any meat on this menu.
And that includes cooking the risotto in beef or chicken stock.
Of course.
I've been doing this fundraiser for the animal rights fund for 5 years.
And they can be kind of freaky.
Uh, we'd like our check, please.
I'm sorry to rush this.
I'm already running late.
Oh! Listen, go ahead and go.
I'll take care of this.
And don't get me wrong, I love animals.
Both my dogs are rescues and I loathe the idea of cosmetics companies spraying hairspray into little bunnies' eyes.
I just don't believe in wearing cardboard.
I don't believe in wearing fur, either, but leather? Come on! A guy's gotta have a belt! I'm surprised I'm not a vegetarian.
Human beings are supposed to be carnivores.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, but if I had to slaughter cows and chickens myself, I would probably be a vegetarian.
No, you wouldn't.
And don't kid yourself.
Half this crowd saturday is gonna stop off at McDonald's on the way home.
Hey! This is Braden Marder.
R ight.
Of course you haven't seen me in a while.
No one is waiting on me.
Right.
Hi.
Been waiting for my check for about a year now.
Thank you.
You called the restaurant? I bring this place thousands of dollars of business every year.
I'd like my fucking check.
Just go.
Go.
I'll take care of it.
It's fine.
Go.
Go.
I'm really sorry.
I'm running so late.
No, it's fine.
And, put this on the foundation's bill.
Let the euthanasia freaks pay for it.
Oh, ok.
Thank you.
She has a job, a place of her own.
She's doing very well.
Are we talking about the same Melody Coatar here? The--the manic depressive? When I first met with her, yes.
When I last met with her, no.
I'm sorry but that-- that's impossible-- not possible.
When I left her here, she was catatonic.
Well not catatonic, but, you know, she displayed severe motor impairment.
It was a heroic effort for her to get out of bed.
Well, I know your experience with her was different from mine.
Yeah, I'll say.
I would definitely categorize police reports and scratch marks as different.
She broke into our house and gashed my wife's arm open with a steak knife.
Interesting.
How'd she get your home address? Well you know, she's an incredibly manipulative bipolar.
So are half my patients, but they don't know where I live.
Look, I--I'm telling you, it's only a matter of time, before she finds herself in another life-threatening situation.
That's a rather fatalistic attitude, don't you think? No.
I'm not a fatalist.
I'm a realist.
Your work's beaten you down quite a lot lately, hasn't it? That obvious, huh? It is to me.
Well, doesn't your work ever beat you down? Not anymore.
Really? What's your secret? Bullet-proof vests and xanax.
I see.
Contrary to public opinion, this is not an animal hospital and I'm not a vet.
I studied Melody's chart.
It's possible that some of your treatment added to her problem.
Ok, look, I didn't come here to be judged.
You feel judged.
Interesting.
Wait, wait, wait.
Where you going? I have patients to see.
This is quite a style you have.
Really.
Toss a grenade and leave.
Oh, trust me, that wasn't a grenade.
As for my style, I don't have one, Dr.
Huffstodt, unless you count this bull-red blouse.
Now, here are my numbers.
If you have it in you to choose an alternative behavior, call me.
Meanwhile, your 10 minutes are up.
Choose an alternative behavior? I'm afraid we have to stop.
So, it says here your last job was in 1990? What have you been doing for the last 15 years? Traveling.
Uh, a lot of traveling.
Yeah? Lucky you.
Look, man, I'll do anything.
I'll, uh, mop floors, bus tables, wash dishes-- Know what? Um, the thing is, we require 2 years of experience here, so You know, you should try Squiggy's.
I already did.
Michaels the Fish Hut and Louise's - Look, I'm--I'm sorry.
- No, you're not.
If you were sorry, you'd hire me.
I hate it when people say they're sorry when they're not sorry! I hope your business fails! Told you nobody would hire you.
What the fuck am I supposed to do about a 15-year hole in my resume? Lie.
I'm not gonna start a new job as a liar, man.
Ok, then tell them you're schizophrenic, living in an assisted living facility because you tried to strangle your mom.
Not to mention, jumping off of Jesus' shoulders in Tijuana and breaking your arm.
See where that gets you.
You know what? Stop digging through the trash! People are gonna think you're homeless.
I'm looking for white socks! Look at this, man, "help wanted.
" It's closed.
Look at all the flowers.
My mom would love this place.
What's with you and garden seeds and flowers and your mom and shit? You sure you're not tagging her? Can I borrow your alarm clock? I gotta be back here first thing in the morning.
Sure.
Ramone? Where the fuck are you, man? It's Russell.
My money's green, bitch.
What? You get swallowed up in a hole? Call me back! Oh, my god! Russell, what is wrong with you? I thought we had an agreement? Didn't we have an agreement? Uh, god, you look awful moist.
I'm hot.
Shit, you didn't get it, did you? Let me see? Did I get it? No! I didn't fucking get it! Look! I swear, I put it in an inter-office envelope this morning and sent it up.
Up where? Your poop shoot? - Don't talk to me like that! - Don't you fuck with me, little girl! Leah, do not fuck with me.
All right? You look in every god-damned mail slot, inbox, secretary hidey hole you know about.
You get that thing on my desk in an hour.
Not on my desk in an hour, all bets are off.
All right? Oh, Mike, your eye looks really funky.
Did you pick up Mike's eye drops? Aw, shit.
I forgot.
You forgot? I asked you twice.
His third eyelid is practically covering up his cornea.
I'm sorry.
I'll pick them up tomorrow.
Don't bother.
I'll get them in the morning.
Oh, buddy, I'm so sorry.
First thing in the morning.
I promise.
Fuck! If you still want to go to couples' therapy, I will give it a shot.
There.
I said it.
You happy? Fuck.
Really? You will? Yes, I will.
Why the sudden change of heart? Because I'm snapping at you about eye drops.
And because this morning, you brought me my coffee in bed and I wanted to throw it in your face.
And you think that couples' therapy is gonna help? It can't hurt.
Truth is, I've wanted to throw it in your face for about a year now.
And can you find someone that neither one of us knows? I don't wanna go and see one of your buddies.
And quickly, please, before I chicken out.
Yeah.
Ok.
I'm so not looking forward to this.
Good night.
Good night.
Hey, good morning.
Good morning.
Good morning.
Uh, yes.
Hello.
Good morning.
I am, uh, Theodore.
Teddy Huffstodt.
Hi, Teddy Huffstodt.
Ray Martinez.
How are you doing? Very nice to meet you, sir.
I saw your sign here last night and, uh, I just wanted to be the first person you met this morning, so, I got here very early, had my friend Max set the alarm for 5:30 in the morning.
It's the earliest I've been up in, uh well, I don't know when.
The job's not very fancy, you know.
I'm not looking for anything fancy, sir.
All right.
Well, it's, uh, just an overnight security guard, and I need somebody that can start today.
I've been having problems with vandals lately.
Vandals, huh? That's not a good thing.
- No.
- Things.
Not good things.
Can't pay you very much.
Like, $8.
00 an hour? Overtime at-- I'll take it.
You'll take it.
I took it.
I mean, I'll take it.
I mean, I would like to take it.
Please, sir, if you'd let me.
I would like to-- if you would let me have it, I would like to take it.
You know what? All right.
Consider it took.
I'll see you tonight at 7 o'clock.
- I'll see you later.
- Ok.
Yeah.
Looks like you could use a little pick-me-up.
Hey, Meeksy! What are you doing here, Alan? You sneaky guy, sitting over there all cozy.
How are you, man? You look bushed.
Everything ok? Oh, yeah.
I'm fine, man.
I just need my americana.
Mags is on it.
So, what are you up to, buddy? It was interofficed to me by mistake.
I, um very embarrassed, and so very sorry, Alan.
I, uh I'm just horrified.
Actually.
To my core.
And, um you know I've been on all these pain killers.
My back, my neck.
You know, from the accident.
And these goddamn doctors, Alan, they've just got me all doped up, and I am begging them, I have been begging them to ramp me off this stuff.
Somehow.
And they--they can't or they won't.
And I guess, in my own screwed up way, I've just kind of tried to take matters into my own hands because I want to get some focus back.
I want to get back on top of these fucking cases.
But now, in the clear light of day, I see I've really screwed things up.
I really have.
I've really just it's just a terrible idea.
And you know what? You know what? I don't even want it.
You know? I don't want this shit.
You take it and you get rid of it.
Listen.
If you need to take a few days, get your thoughts together, I'm fine with that.
You're my biggest earner! But it's not about that.
We're a family.
So, again.
Do you need time? No, sir.
No way.
I am on it.
I am a-ok.
Ok.
Because this Stewart case is a big deal.
His father and I go way back.
I'm the kid's godfather.
Alan, I don't want you to worry about it.
I am so on it.
I am all over it.
And once again, buddy, I'm just--I'm so sorry that you had to deal with this.
I really am.
I Ok? Just keep it out of the office.
You bet.
Hello? Ted? Hey! - Hey.
- Hey.
Come on.
Wh-what are you doing here? I heard the good news from Paul.
I wanted to come down and congratulate you.
I brought you some cigars.
I thought we had an agreement that you'd call before you came.
Oh, yeah.
Totally.
I just thought because you called the office first and it was such good news, that I wouldn't have to necessarily call you back.
Yeah.
No, no.
Yeah, I--this is a job, man.
I--I'm working.
I got responsibilities.
You're right.
I'm really sorry.
I apologize.
No, that's ok.
I--I believe you.
I can talk to you for a-a few minutes.
Ok.
Um well, this is great.
This is great.
What have they got you doing here? Well, this is my post.
I'm, uh, here all night making sure that nobody gets any funny ideas.
So, you're--you're a security guard? Do you think I should be facing north or south? Or maybe due west.
Uh, well, you should probably just face the entrance, right? Or wherever somebody might try to gain access? Right.
Right.
You're right.
Uh I got this for mother.
I--I bought one for my room.
I mean, I bought it take it for mother.
I bought it for my room.
I get 10%.
10% off.
So, it's She might like it.
She likes pretty things.
Yeah, yeah.
It's an agave attenuata.
Spelled a-g-a-v-e.
It's an evergreen succulent.
Blooms once every 30 years and then dies.
Like me.
No! Come on.
Don't say that.
You all right, Ted? Oh, yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
I'm good.
Everything's just working out great.
It's really--the house is something else.
Max is so cool and I'm just really happy.
I'm so happy.
That's great.
I'm glad.
I just really can't talk right now because I've just got a lot of work to do.
That's all.
All right.
Well I'll let you get back to it.
It's good to see you.
Okay.
Take care.
Thank you.
Oh, and, uh, tell mother that's a drought tolerant plant.
It needs minimal attention.
It should fare very well around her.
Oh, right.
See ya, Ted.
Bye.
Now, do you guys have any specific goals or issues that you want to work on? Or is this just an ordinary, everyday relationship tune-up? Uh, no, it's not a tune-up.
Um, we've been going at each other pretty good for a while now and we probably should have come months ago.
Why didn't you? Oh, she wouldn't Ah.
And you changed your mind because? Um because I've been wanting to throw things at him for about a year now.
Coffee.
Dishes.
Books.
And I don't want to live like this anymore.
Good.
So, what do you think that's about? What did he do to deserve a cup and saucer in the face? It's all right, honey.
Just be honest.
Can I just she has a very difficult time expressing herself, you know? And--and certainly whenever I ask her how she's feeling or whatever, she gets very impatient with me.
Do you agree? Yeah, I would say that that sounds right.
And you don't like that.
N-not 24 hours a day, no.
I'm--I'm so sick of being asked how I feel that I could scream.
Do you feel that you do that? 24 hours a day? No, of course not.
I mean, I know she's being hyperbolic about the 24/7 thing.
But I do believe that's how she experiences it, and I--I feel for her.
But, you know, it's also really not fair to me.
I'm not asking because I want to pry or I want to make her feel uncomfortable.
I just want to know where she's at so that maybe I can be of help.
Do you see what I'm talking about? Wh-how does a person fucking respond to something like that? I got lost after the first sentence.
I kind of did, too, Craig.
Wanna try again? Sure.
Um I'm sorry, what was the question? Ok.
I'm not sure.
Uh, Beth? I don't know what the fuckin' question was! I don't even know what the question is anymore! And you know, what I would like to know is how is it that you are gonna help us find the answer when we don't even know what the fucking question is? That's a very good question.
Ha ha ha, that's not funny at all.
Oh, perfect.
Oh, hold that thought.
I will be right back.
Oh, hello, darling.
Hello, mom.
Don't worry, it's only iced tea.
Well, this must be the amazingly accomplished son.
So you're a psychiatrist? I'm Craig.
Huffstodt.
Walt Callahan.
He has been dying to meet you.
Oh, yeah? I'm sure you realize that your mother worships the ground you walk on.
I actually did not realize that.
Oh, she does.
And it's a true pleasure to see such a healthy family for a change.
Oh, that's us.
Health on parade.
Sorry I can't spend more time.
I have to run.
I've got a poker game in bel air.
Oh, please, say no more.
I just need to grab my jacket.
Grab my-- I'll be up in a minute.
I met him in Palm Springs.
He was kind enough to escort me to my room after a very long night of blackjack.
And before you find something utterly distasteful in that, I'm going to take my leave.
Oh, mom, mom.
Uh, your son got a job today.
He is sitting on a bucket, baby-sitting plants as we speak.
He wanted you to have this one.
Well, isn't that lovely? It's an agave.
Darling, I think it would look better right over there.
Thank you, though.
Thanks.
Trade ya.
What is it? That is polenta with sun dried tomatoes.
This tastes like chicken.
Please, amigo, let your boss explain this one.
Uh, it's not chicken.
It's a firm tofu in a chick pea soy marinade that's been rolled in corn flour and pan seared.
The texture reminds me of a door stop.
Vegan.
Uh, always challenging.
You realize, if there's so much as one drop of chicken broth in this stuff, I lose a contract with these freaks next year and don't pay you your fee this year.
I wouldn't do that to you, Braden.
Right, right, right, right, right.
Ah, well done.
This will be a nice distraction when they show the vivisection documentary.
Vivisection? Torturous scientific testing on cuddly live animals.
They could eat pote of beagle while watching that and nobody'd know the difference.
Carry on, people.
I don't really care what you serve, just don't get caught.
Melody? Hey.
Hey.
Are you ok? I was walking home and these guys came at me and they took everything and they beat me up.
Give me your wallet, now! Give me your wallet now, man! Come on, come on, let's go! Go! Hi.
Sorry--I don't know what the hell I'm doing here, I just needed somebody to talk to, I guess.
How'd that happen? Oh, this it's just blood.
It's not as bad as it looks.
Want to get some ice? Come on.
It's--it's all right.
It's just like-- you know how lips are.
They--they bleed.
Did you call the police? Hmm? No.
I called you.
You should have filled out a police report.
Fuckin' people, you know? Fuckin' people.
Said the psychiatrist about humanity.
Well, I see this woman lying in the gutter, ok? I asked her what the problem was, she said she got mugged.
I tried to help her, and I got fuckin' mugged.
Pretty much sums up my existence to this point.
Oh, you don't feel beaten down at all.
It's just people don't change, you know? They don't fucking change.
My patients really don't ever change.
A bunch of angry, narcissistic, co-dependent, substance abusing, fuckin' suck you dry, wad you up, throw you away.
Fuckin' fucked up patients.
I think you have to stop trying so hard.
No, I tried that.
It made me feel even worse, believe it or not.
I'm sorry to--just, everything is really Even my dog is fucked up.
My dog Mike got diagnosed with horner's syndrome this weekend.
It's a really bad eye thing and he needs like, 17,000 drops a day and the poor guy won't sit still and take any of them.
So Mike expects you to help him, too.
Yeah, he does, actually.
He's my dog, you know? Here's what you really came for.
Melody's files.
You didn't fail her.
You two were just a bad fit.
You terminated your treatment of her and referred her to Dr.
Brenner.
You did the right thing.
Why didn't you tell me this yesterday? You were trying to suck me dry, wad me up, and throw me away.
I had work to do.
I couldn't coddle.
Wait a minute.
You're Lena Westcott? Yeah.
The Lena Westcott? Markova's my maiden name.
I hate that term, maiden name.
I'm divorced.
Well, I have all your books.
Can I ask you a question? Everybody says you gave up your private practice to go throw ecstasy parties in Joshua Tree.
Is that true? Only on weekends.
Jesus, don't I get to say, "come in"? Whole mail room is talking about, uh, Meeks ripping you a new one.
Yeah, fuck Meeks.
It'll be ancient history in a day or 2.
Thanks for not pinning it on me.
What am I gonna say? Leah in the mail room fucked up? I don't think so.
Look, you could have gotten nasty in a moment of panic, and I appreciate you not bringing me into it.
You're welcome.
You want a little-- you want a-- you want a little-- a little something for the road? Hep-c, you know? Always bring my own straw.
Not gonna fuck you in the nose, darling.
Well, you can never be too careful.
Oh, gee, good for you! This should only take 5 minutes.
I'd really appreciate it if you'd say hello, smile, and tell her how fabulous she is.
And also how fabulous I am.
No problem.
Her name's Kira Riley.
She's chairman of the animal rights foundation.
Aggressive african-american, or are they black now? I think either one is acceptable.
I remember when we went from negro to black but I have no recollection of when african american came into vogue.
Excuse, me, you-- what's your name? Kim? You're not sure? No, I mean, of course.
Kim.
I thought for a moment it might be Ken.
You can go.
What? Look, she's a cute girl, but she's a little underdeveloped.
Bethie, you've been in this business long enough to know the staff has to be hot, even if you hire fags, they gotta be hot guys.
The better-looking the staff, the bigger the donations.
I'll pay you for the night.
Good-bye.
You're an asshole.
And you're a waitress.
Nothing personal.
Come on, Beth.
Kira's waiting.
You can do that here? I have to do this here.
Otherwise I'd jump out the window.
I still can't believe, you of all people end up at a city psych ward.
Well, I had to get back before I went crazy.
All my private practice patients did was complain about bad hair days.
I miss that run and gun, find a vein before he implodes and takes us with him kind of feeling.
Nothing beats it.
But do you see progress here? No one complains about their hair.
Yeah.
I had a patient stand me up yesterday because she felt "just fine.
" (Made me feel like a fucking manicurist.
) Oh, my god, Russell! Oh, my god, yes! Yes! Oh, fuck me! Fuck me! Fuck me! Oh, god! Oh, oh! - Oh, god! - Oh, take that, Meeksy.
Thank you for coming.
Just help yourself to a drink.
Kira.
- Hello, baby.
- Oh, Braden! You have done it again.
The room is delicious.
And not one meat product.
And here's the lovely lady who made it happen, Beth Huffstodt.
Beth, Kira Riley.
Oh, thank you so much for all your hard work.
This is so, so pretty.
Oh, thank you.
I believe so strongly in what you're doing, Ms.
Riley, I would like to donate my entire fee to your foundation.
Beth? I'm not sure how much Braden was planning on marking up my services, but I hope that you will accept it with my thanks.
My goodness, this has never happened before.
And I'm just beginning.
See, why the room may be pretty, Braden here is not.
He thinks anyone who doesn't eat meat is a freak.
He said we could serve beagle so long as we didn't get caught.
Just fired a waitress for being small-breasted, and he said we could hire fags, but they had to be hot, and he wasn't sure if you were african-american, black, or a negro.
That is so not true.
It is true.
And so, my dear Braden, before we part ways, I would like to say to you, from one freaky carnivore to another, you can just eat my ass.
Yeah, I was actually in med school when I got diagnosed with it.
Acute paranoid schizophrenia.
Thanks.
Wow.
Talk about getting tapped on the shoulder, huh? Yeah.
It was intense.
How about you? How'd you get mixed up in the psycho-freak-aceutical game? My mother took phenobarbital and valium for about 30 years.
She cried all the way through it.
I'll bet.
She missed prozac by about Fuckin' pisses me off.
What the hell was I doin' here again? I think you were, um-- Sorry.
Tryin' to write your brother's name out in, um-- - That's right.
- Pencil.
Yeah, except his name is Teddy and I've spelled out Ltifl.
Ltifl! What's, uh, Ltitl? - What's Ltitl like? - Yeah, Ltitl.
Ltitl! What's he like? He's amazing, you know.
He's great.
God, 2 weeks ago he, uh he asked me why I wasn't the one who got sick instead of him.
- Whoa.
- Yeah.
Yeah, I know, I don't think I really, ah--it didn't really register on me till just now.
Yeah.
Um Oh.
I know what I wanted to ask you.
Why did you-- how come you got divorced? What? Well, aside from the sex, it was like 2 garbage trucks having a head on collision from day one.
Yeah.
- Isn't marriage fun sometimes? - Oh, it's great.
- It's great.
- Just - Pow! - Ka-boom.
Plow! Shit everywhere! Oh, my god.
It's half past Christmas.
No, god.
Thank you.
I really should hit the road.
No, please.
I believe my work is done here.
This is a really nice car.
Beautiful, huh? Hey, Istvan.
Good weed, no? Good weed, yeah.
Ja.
Twinkle, twinkle little star How I wonder what you are Up above the world so high " Like a diamond in the sky Twinkle, twinkle little star How I wonder what you are Infinity something to ponder, huh? I'm not gonna waste too much of your time here on the parking lot.
I just wanted to tell you that it's normal to wonder what you are.
Just rest assured that, uh, a pot-smoking, married man with a bleeding lip who's going to see a strange woman at night who happens to work in an insane asylum isn't it.
Hey how come you haven't gone to the doctor yet for that stomach thing you have? Just because you try not to think of something doesn't make the pain go away.
Ta.
Oh, shit.
Make yourself at home.
I've got some paperwork to get rid of.
Thanks.
I'll check on you later.
And if you get the munchies, stay away from that fridge.
That stuff's been in there for months.
Thanks again.
For getting you too stoned to drive? Please, god, go to voicemail.
Oh, thank you, lord.
Hey, sweetie, it's me.
Um, something has come up.
Byrd? Huff? Anybody? Hah, Mikey! Mikey loves me.
Hey, Paula, it's Beth.
Um do you feel like comin' over for a drink? Think you'd rather be drinking a whiskey after a night like tonight? Oh, I felt so good telling that guy to go fuck himself.
And I say good for you.
But I quit, Paula.
You know, a friend of mine says that every time she has to make a decision there's a 50% chance she's gonna be wrong.
I say it woulda been wrong had you not walked out on that slimy cocksucker.
It just suddenly all seemed so meaningless.
Balloons and flowers and this food that nobody ever eats in their home.
And a world-class asshole.
Exactly.
And I thought I thought, I just really don't want to do this anymore.
I saw you.
With my mother.
I saw you praying over her.
And I have to ask you.
Did you heal her? Beth, I can't heal anybody.
Jesus does the healing.
I just pray.
I don't know how to pray.
And I don't know if I even want to know how.
There's only one way to find out.
- Hey - Hey.
Hey, did you find Teddy? Yeah, I finally found him.
Venice is, like, crazy this time of night, but he's ok.
- Thank god.
- Yeah.
Yeah.
Teddy's fine.
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