I Didn't Do It (2014) s02e05 Episode Script

Hey, Jazz.
What you got there? It's a yoga mat.
I'm teaching a class to seniors.
Senior girls in yoga pants.
I'm in.
Not senior girls.
Senior citizens.
I'm out.
How'd you get stuck teaching yoga? I didn't get stuck.
I like to be around older people.
They've lived, they're interesting, they have stories to tell.
You get school credit for this? A ton.
See ya.
Hey, can I have a piece? Sorry, but this gum isn't really for you.
It's only for people who are willing to take risks.
I don't care how long it's been in your pocket.
I want some.
No, no, it's called Dare To Chew gum.
Every stick has a dare written on the wrapper and some of them get a little crazy, so maybe just forget you ever saw this.
You seriously don't think I can handle the dare gum? No, it's just, you're not exactly the adventurous type.
I mean, you go to bed at 9:30, you brush your teeth after every meal.
You wear a helmet on merry-go-rounds.
I did that once.
And that carnival had a ton of safety violations.
All reasons why the dare gum isn't for you.
I bet I can do more of those dares than you can.
That sounds like a challenge.
That's because it is.
Hear ye, hear ye, let the great dare to chew contest begin! Okay.
Here goes.
Ask the first person who speaks to you out on a date.
Hardly much of a dare.
Okay, so, uh who What are you looking at? If you wanna stop right now, I totally understand.
No.
I can do this.
Betty.
Would you like to go out sometime? Are you asking me out on a date? It's not really a date.
Uh, it's actually this crazy gum game.
And you could say no, and that would Pick me up at 7:00.
Excuse me.
I don't care why you're doing it.
Betty's always up for a free dinner and a movie.
I didn't say anything about dinner.
You didn't say anything about a movie, either, but that's what we're doing.
Hi.
I see you got another one of those things.
Didn't you hear? We're calling them dogs now.
I meant another rescue.
Technically, he's not a rescue.
He's a foster.
Technically, he's a cute but overly needy, not particularly intelligent flea magnet.
I'm more of a cat person.
Can you pretend you're a dog person for two minutes and keep an eye on him? I gotta go inside.
You want me to stay outside with him? I can get you a smoothie.
- I already had a smoothie.
- Then why do you need to go inside? Because I already had a smoothie.
His name's Ralph.
Just talk to him.
He won't bite.
Who's a good boy? Who's a good boy?! Can you hurry? I don't know how long I can keep this up.
So is it true you can sweat through your tongue? Not a talker, huh? - Hi.
- Hi.
I like your dog.
What's his name? Um Uh Ralph.
Thank you.
This is Coco.
So you love dogs, huh? Yes.
Dogs are who I love.
Me, too.
I'm Brandon.
Delia.
So What do you and Ralph like to do? Uh, well, mostly I take him to that place where they do the dog stuff.
The dog park? That's it.
Um, I don't like to say dog park out loud, because he goes nuts.
Except for this one time.
Well, why don't we meet there tomorrow, like, 2:00? Sounds great.
All right.
Okay.
I'll see you then.
Come on, Coco.
Good dog.
Yeah, it's Ralph.
I got it.
And this next position is called padahastasana which, like most of the other positions today, you will just watch me do.
Inhale.
Oh, here is something everyone can do.
This is chair pose.
Great job, everyone.
Why don't we just end it there? Normally, we do a cooldown, but I don't think that's necessary.
Namaste.
Namaste.
Great class, doll.
I'm Carol.
By the way, I can do yoga without the chair.
I just didn't wanna be a show-off.
Well, I'm glad you enjoyed the class.
I was a little worried when the woman next to you said, "I like the other girl better!" Don't listen to her.
I think you're terrific.
You're not so bad yourself.
- A little help here.
- Oh, sure.
Oh, are you okay, doll? Yeah, I must've pulled something.
You need a little mentholated rub.
I use it all the time.
I have it on 80% of my body right now.
This is for you.
What, you don't like candy? I'd just feel better if it was in a wrapper.
Hard to believe, but he's the most eligible bachelor in here.
I really appreciate you letting me take Ralph to the dog park.
Yeah, sure, no problem.
And don't worry.
I'll take really good care of him.
I've had some experience with dogs.
- Okay, like what? - Well I've watched cartoons with dogs in them.
Oh, great.
So you know if the dog runs off a cliff, and moves his legs fast enough, he can safely get back to the ledge.
Right.
Unless he looks down.
Then he drops to the bottom with a poof.
And I was worried.
All right, so how do I pass myself off as a dog person? Like, what do dog people talk about? Their dogs.
What do you talk about when you run into other cat people? I don't know.
Cat people never leave their apartments.
Deels, the thing is, if you want Brandon to believe Ralph's your dog, you're gonna have to show him a little affection.
Hey, boy.
Love ya.
Well, that was a little affection, all right.
I'm used to my cat.
He rubs up against me, he does all the work.
Moving on.
Oh, do you know how to use one of these? What is it? A petting glove? No, it's a poop bag.
You mean I have to pick up his They don't mention this in the love songs.
Oh, it won't be so bad.
It's only for a couple of hours.
Yeah, I guess.
I was talking to Ralph.
Hey.
How'd the date with Betty go? I spent $75 on snacks at the movies.
She may be small, but she can really pack it away.
I've never seen someone put jelly beans on a hot dog before.
Jelly beans on a hot dog? I mean, on a taco, I get it.
It was a nightmare.
Look, I told you the dare contest was gonna be too much for you.
- You're in over your head.
- I am not.
There's no shame in backing out now.
Sure, I'll laugh and point at you, but you're used to that.
Just give me the gum.
"Disagree with everything everyone says to you for the next 24 hours.
" - That's an easy one.
- No, it's not.
- Yes, it is.
- No, it's not.
Oh, I get it.
You started doing it.
No, I haven't.
Okay.
I'm sick of this one already.
Let me see what my dare is.
Oh, how weird.
I was thinking of doing this anyway.
Do not be alarmed.
I did this on purpose.
What happened here? Is the light out in the bathroom again? No, no.
I'm just trying out a new look.
Garrett, you're his friend.
Tell him how stupid that looks.
I'm not his friend, and I think it looks great.
Buy a smoothie shop, they said.
Being around kids is fun, they said.
Ooh, thanks for letting me use your exercise ball.
This stretch is really helping my back.
And you need to vacuum under your bed.
You sound like my mom.
You smell like my grandma.
I'm wearing mentholated rub.
Maybe a little too much.
Wasn't the idea for you to make seniors feel young, not for them to make you feel old? I don't feel old.
Help me up.
Oy.
Hey, guys.
Hi.
How'd it go at the park? Fantastic.
Brandon and I totally hit it off.
And I did great with Ralph.
We played fetch, I picked up his poop, gagged a little.
It was awesome.
Just one little problem.
Deels, you brought home the wrong dog.
Why didn't you say something? So you're sure this is the wrong dog.
Sure with a capital "sha.
" I'm so sorry, Lins.
I must've got distracted with Brandon.
You gotta admit, this guy looks just like Ralph.
But he's not Ralph.
This guy's name is Puff.
That's weird.
He doesn't look like a Puff.
He looks more like a Buddy or a Champ.
You know what he looks like to me? The wrong dog! All right, let's just calm down.
If yoga teaches us anything Ball.
I guess I left out the most important thing about being a dog person.
You have to bring home the right dog.
So I guess, in a way, this is kinda your fault.
Okay, just relax.
Just breathe.
Okay, we have to go find Ralph.
But first, we have to let Puff's owner know he's okay.
How are you gonna do that? I mean, Puff looks smart, but I don't think you're gonna get a phone number out of him.
It's on his tag.
- Oh.
- Good breathing.
Hi.
Listen, I've got your dog here.
Oh, you do.
That's great.
- He's got Ralph.
- Oh, thank goodness.
I wanna talk to him.
- The guy or Ralph? - Ralph.
Duh.
Um, yeah, my friend wants to talk to Ralph.
Can you put him on? Oh, you do.
He wants to talk to Puff when you're done.
Dog people.
Oh, Ralphie, Mommy wuvs you so much.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Can you put him on? All right, class, I've decided to give you a break and assign no homework this weekend.
I hope that meets with everyone's approval.
- It does me.
- Not with me.
I'm sorry, Mr.
Spenger.
I thought a weekend without homework would be something you would enjoy.
You were wrong.
Dude, stop talking.
Since Mr.
Spenger would like homework this weekend, you can all read the next two chapters in your textbook.
- Satisfied now? - Not really.
Three chapters.
Don't blame me.
Blame the gum.
Blame the gum! I'm so sorry I'm late.
What happened, doll? I had a little accident on the way over.
You're lucky it's your blouse.
That's usually not the case around here.
Where is everybody? They never got here.
Turkey for lunch.
We call it Nap-a-palooza.
Well, do you wanna do a class, just you and me? No.
Let's go upstairs to my apartment, I'll give you something clean to wear, and we can visit.
After the day I've had, that sounds really great.
It'll be nice to chat with someone who can remember what we're talking about.
And I gotta get some more of that mentholated rub.
It makes it so easy to put my jeans on.
Oh, you got a stain on your blouse.
What happened? - Gotcha.
- Good one, doll.
- Hi, Lins.
- Hi, Deels.
So remember that time I brought home another dog from the dog park instead of Ralph, and you were really upset about it, but everything turned out okay, and we had a big laugh about it? Yeah.
It was yesterday.
But I don't remember the big laugh.
Wanna have it now? No.
Well, in the spirit of moving forward, any chance I can borrow Ralph tomorrow? You can't.
Sorry.
But I need him.
Brandon wants to meet up again with the dogs.
There's nothing I can do.
Ralph's been adopted.
The family's coming over tonight to pick him up.
What? How could you do this? You're right.
Finding a home for a dog I'm a terrible, terrible person.
But you don't get it.
I need him to keep things going with Brandon.
I got it.
I'll adopt Ralph.
You can't do that, you have cats.
I'll get rid of my cats.
They're gone.
What about your dad? He's allergic to dogs.
He's out, too.
Deels, you can't adopt Ralph.
Well What am I supposed to tell Brandon? He thinks I'm a dog person who has a dog.
I need Ralph.
Sweetie, Brandon likes you because of you, not because you have a dog.
Yeah, I know.
It's just What? Well, sometimes I get nervous and tongue-tied around Brandon.
When I do, there are these uncomfortable lulls in the conversation.
The cute ones can do that to you.
And when those lulls happen, I can always pet Ralph or toss him a stick, and it makes it a lot easier.
You'll be fine without Ralph, 'cause you're cute and funny, and sweet and amazing.
You're a good friend.
I mean, just yesterday, I lost your dog.
Yeah, I'm still trying to get past that.
So a new day, a new dare.
Pick your poison, my friend.
No, thanks.
I'm out.
You win.
Really? Was it the angry mob chasing you down the hall? The chasing wasn't so bad.
The catching and the pummeling, that was bad.
I would've tried to help you, but those girl volleyball players are tough.
You're right, I'm not a risk taker.
So congrats on winning the contest.
- No.
- No what? No, I'm not gonna let you quit.
You've already gone further than I ever thought you would.
- I have? - Absolutely.
And I wanna beat you because you're a loser, not a quitter.
Thanks.
- You're welcome.
- Okay.
The challenge is back on.
All right.
Well, at least this one's fast.
Cock-a-doodle-do! Nicely done.
Unless you're, like, doing a cow.
Okay, my turn.
You know what? If you wanna quit, you should just quit.
What? Who am I to tell you what to do? So contest over.
You want a smoothie? Wait a minute.
"You can't touch your hair for 24 hours.
" That wasn't my dare.
Oh, yes, it was.
This is why you wanted me to quit.
You can't keep your hands off your hair for one minute.
Of course I can.
Besides, I use so much product, it'll stay this way forever.
Not if I do this.
That doesn't bother me.
I can stay this way all day.
But you lasted longer than I thought you would.
Well, I guess you win.
Congrats.
Thanks.
Wait.
So I spent a ton of money on a date with Betty, then made everyone at school hate me, just so I could beat you at a stupid gum challenge? That's right.
Yes! - Hi.
- Hi.
- So where's Ralph? - Ralph couldn't make it today.
Places to go, butts to sniff.
Brandon, there's something I need to tell you.
Okay.
Man, this is kinda hard to say.
We've been having fun, you know, with the dogs.
And Well Here's the lull.
Hi.
I'm Delia's friend Lindy.
She's Delia's friend Lindy.
I couldn't help overhearing, but I think what Delia is trying to say is Ralph wasn't exactly her dog.
What? Well, Delia was fostering him, and then Ralph got adopted last night, and I guess she was just a little nervous about telling you.
Hold on.
Lindy's just being a good friend.
The truth is, she was Ralph's foster.
I was just keeping an eye on him that day we met because Lindy had to pee super bad.
You could've left that part out.
I pretended Ralph was mine so you'd think I loved dogs as much as you do.
I'm really a cat person.
A cat person? Get out! I'm a cat person, too! No, you get out.
I was just pretending to be a dog person so that you'd like me.
Coco's my grandmother's dog.
I was taking her for a walk that day when I saw you, and I just wanted a reason to talk to you.
No way.
You did the same thing I did.
I'm gonna go get a smoothie.
Lins, wait.
Thanks for for being my Ralph.
Woof.
I am so glad we don't have to go back to the dog park.
- Me, too.
- But it was fun.
You're the first girl I've ever known who can catch a rubber ball in her mouth.
I just really wanted to show up that Doberman.
He was so full of himself.
Hi, dolls.
Uh, Jazz? I just had the best day with my new friend Carol.
Okay, we went to the beauty parlor, ate a light lunch, had our blood pressure taken.
What are you wearing? Oh, isn't it great? Carol gave it to me.
They're insanely comfortable like PJ's.
And like PJ's, they should never leave the house.
Have you ever worn an elastic waist? Not since I was two.
Then you know what I'm talking about.
Um, Jazz, have you seen yourself lately? - No.
Why? - Come here.
Right over here.
Hi, Grandma.
Help! Make me young again! Don't worry, don't worry.
We'll make it all better.
We're gonna need some painful shoes and tight pants ASAP.
Shouldn't we take advantage of her senior discount first? Dad!