Imposters (2017) s02e05 Episode Script
Maybe/Definitely
1 Previously on "Imposters" We're fleeing to Mexico without the ring? Where did you hide the ring? Um, you're not gonna like it.
Mrs.
Jonson, your daughter is a professional con artist.
And unless we find her, her life is most definitely in danger.
What would happen if you went to the police and told them what you just told me? The man I work for, he is smarter than the police, and he'd kill me.
Ezra, you have to call your parents.
Right now.
- [dish smashes.]
- [screams.]
Let's get Josh and Sally away from each other.
I think our best play here is a change of scenery.
Arthur, I need you to be on board.
What's going on? It's time to go back to the States.
Now.
How much does this coyote cost? An extra ten grand.
I know how to get $10,000 by tomorrow.
- You have the money? - Yes.
- [sighs with relief.]
- And no.
My sister has it.
- Richard Evans.
- Poppy Langmore.
She's Alice.
Maddie was impersonating Poppy to become Alice.
She was, like, doing a version of her.
- Oh, dear.
- This is the actual Alice.
Except I'm actually rich.
Okay, Sophia gets here in an hour and a half.
Okay, guys, we got to go.
Got to go now.
Come on.
What does the Doctor want? How angry is he? It's time for you to come in and see the Doctor.
Look, I did it, and I'm still breathing.
I'll take it.
[dramatic classical music.]
[music cuts in and out.]
[various voices and music over radio.]
Central Pennsylvania's rock-and-roll time machine, WURG, coming to you out of Pottsville.
When you're young and so in love as we And bewildered by the world we see See you later! Why do people hurt us so? Only those in love will know What a town without pity can do If we stop to gaze upon a star People talk about how bad Hi, there, handsome.
You ready? How's the Salisbury steak? Have you ever eaten at Tucker's Steakhouse across the street? Oh, sure.
Not on my dime.
Our porterhouse is the same exact cut.
Same supplier.
But that's a $50 cut.
In here, it's almost half the price.
I take mine medium rare.
Y'all have been a breath of fresh air just as I was starting to feel homesick.
Let me get your change.
No, no, keep the change, please.
You're a doll.
Bless your hearts.
Excuse me, hon.
Hmm? Could we get a top-off? Oh, of course.
Can I get you guys anything else? Our Fudge Blackout Cake is to die for.
No, thanks, kid.
We're great.
You sure are.
One day, when I'm sitting here in this very diner with my future husband, I hope to look as striking and happy as you two.
[chuckles.]
You clocking the moves on this one? Yeah, she's got to be racking huge tips.
Hey, good to see you guys again.
This is what I always order.
It's so good.
Kid's a natural.
Can do Yeah.
What? Are you kidding me? This is our only shot.
Our third doesn't even arrive until Shh.
- I'll be back in one minute.
- Fine, fine.
We'll wing it.
- What was that? - Our friend's leaving.
Tonight.
What? Let me guess.
Your beloved Cy Roberts dropped the ball again.
He confused us with Cincinnati and Akron.
Thanks for nothing, Cy.
Jesus.
So this Cy guy, you want me to take care of him for you? That's cute, kid.
Yeah.
Yeah, we wish.
Well, look at this table of black and gold.
Looks like we got some fellow Panther fans here.
- Whoo! - [customers cheer.]
You guys want some waters? Take your time with the menu, boys.
I promise I'll be right back.
- Uh, can we - Oh, ready for a check? - Having fun? - Of course.
I mean, I love my job.
- I love my customers.
- Is that a fact? Because when you drop your game face, it sure looks like you'd rather be almost anywhere else.
Yeah, maybe.
[chuckles.]
Definitely.
Think you'd be interested in taking your game to the next level? Make some real money.
I got to run, so I'll see you tomorrow.
20 minutes! Let's go! [various conversations.]
Lansdale line now departing from track two.
Lansdale to Phoenix Hill and Valley Forge now departing from line two.
[energetic jazzy music.]
[gasps.]
- Oh, my God.
- You all right? - Oh, God, it's just - Here, let me get that.
Careful.
Don't hurt yourself.
- Thank you! - No problem.
What a lousy day.
I mean, first day on the job, and my new boss could not have been a bigger pain in the ass.
I mean, all friggin' day, like, "Type faster.
Type faster.
" I already type 100 words a minute.
Well, trust me; you could probably get a job anywhere.
- Now arriving - That's my train.
Oh, well, thank you.
You're so kind.
Hey, any chance I can get your number? Uh, well, sure.
Don't miss your train.
Not bad for ten minutes of work, huh? No.
[laughs.]
Not bad at all.
Hey, you didn't give that guy your real number, did you? Oh, well, I gave him a number.
To the Pottsville police station.
- Any interest in doing this again? - Sure.
Parents let you stay out late? My parents barely know I'm alive.
Oh.
Well, they don't know what they're missing.
We'll be in touch.
Okay.
[horn honks.]
- Oh! - Richard.
- Oh, I'm cramping! - Richard.
- I'm cramping.
I'm - Richard! Can you just lean the other way? When you got in, you didn't have to spoon me So that we're 69ing each other? No, thank you.
Just please move your arm out from under my ribs.
I'm in pain.
Yeah, here we go.
Not there! Jesus! Sorry, was that your Yes! Yes, it was.
Oh.
Wow, man.
I'm impressed.
I had no idea.
And nothing makes you happier than being scandalized by everything that I do.
Happy? You needed my help to the tune of $10,000.
Yes, I know, and I appreciate that.
I'm just saying.
Doesn't sound like appreciation.
I'm just saying that whenever you're around me, I don't think you're conscious of it, but you are incapable of drawing a nonjudgmental breath.
Don't be so irascible.
It is my job to tough-love you.
That's not a verb.
For the past three years, you have been the hottest of all messes ever.
If I didn't help you, who would? Nope, not judgmental at all.
Not at all.
Oh, these texts aren't even going through.
Shit.
I really hope that kid got her that note.
So is the plan, like, you and Sophia live a life of crime? I don't really have a plan at the moment other than, I mean, my parents are being held hostage.
Hey, I'm not judging, man.
I'm just asking, 'cause, I mean, I don't think I'm cut out for this con stuff.
I mean, I could be, but I'm destined for something greater.
I can feel it in my balls.
Spoken like a man destined for greatness.
[both yell.]
God damn it! - I hate it in here! - Me too! So give me the deets on Richard Evans.
What? No.
Why? I don't know.
I'm intrigued.
Hey, listen.
He's a nice guy, okay? He's been through a lot.
You're not sticking your manicured claws into him.
Mm-hmm.
[chuckles.]
What's so funny? I can't believe the real Alice showed up.
She's not Alice.
Well, she's the OG Alice.
Maybe it's a sign.
A sign for what? I don't know.
That, like, shit's gonna be awesome again.
Maybe it all happened For a reason that Laszlo stormed off in a huff.
You were always in that cycle, even when you were dating.
I suppose.
What do you think about Laszlo? He's your husband.
Answer the question.
I think he's your husband.
I just don't know if that's true anymore.
Oh, Poops, I'm sorry.
Oh, it's okay.
I'm fine.
It's just [sighs.]
Ugh.
But that Richard.
The way he's looking at me, it was so sweet and open, so decidedly not Laszlo.
I don't like where this is going.
It's not going anywhere.
Yet.
Oy vey.
And on top of everything, you're speaking Hebrew? I'm going on a picnic, and I'm bringing an apple, a brontosaurus, a crash helmet, a diorama, an egg, and some fish.
I'm going on a picnic, and I'm bringing an apple, a brontosaurus, a [brakes squeak softly.]
[man speaking in Spanish.]
Oh, are we stopping? - Are we stopping? - Shh! - [dog barks.]
- Holy shit.
It's probably just a spot check.
- Play dead.
- What? [men speaking in Spanish.]
[dramatic music.]
[sighs.]
Dude, I thought we were goners.
I thought they were gonna shoot us.
What? This is what immigration is like? Dude, this is a major issue.
[soft music.]
- Hey, Mom.
- [gasps.]
Oh, God.
Oh.
Hi, Maddie.
Hey.
You changed your hair.
Some things still come for you.
Maybe you should have them forwarded to Houston.
Sad not having you at Christmas this year.
I know.
I'm sorry about that.
It's quiet.
We missed you.
I missed you too.
Mom, I need to tell you something.
It's important.
I don't live in Houston.
I never did.
And I don't work for UNICEF.
Okay.
Well, aren't you gonna say something? How are you making money? Just job to job, really.
Job to job.
Yeah, I've been, um, just figuring it out.
I'm sure that sounds flaky to you, just like everything else I've done.
I never thought working for UNICEF sounded flaky.
Is there anything else you want to tell me? Just that I'm sorry for not being honest.
Yes.
Thanks for saying so.
Dad in his room? Asleep, as usual.
But please wait until he's up to say hi.
You staying the night? - Is that okay? - Of course.
Okay.
- [sighs.]
- Oh, I got to piss so bad.
- My leg's asleep.
- Oh! Oh, boy.
Look out.
Look out.
Look out.
- Oh, pee, pee, pee - So bad.
- Pee, pee.
- So bad.
- Oh! - Ah! What? We have to pee there? It's just like camp! I hated camp! Yo, yo, back up, dude.
You're, like, right next to me.
Ah, shit.
Oh! Oh, come on.
The fricking guy's, like, yelling at us in Spanish.
I know; it was like being in a tomb.
Right? It's like we were stuck in a foxhole.
I'm definitely getting cremated.
I thought we had some nice moments, actually.
Guys.
There are two things we have to accomplish.
First, I have to rescue my family from Max.
No, wait, wait.
You're not doing this by yourself.
It's my family.
If I show up with anybody else, it could (BLEEP) everything up.
Agreed? Well, shit, man, I guess.
Good.
Which brings me to goal number two.
You guys have to go to Scottsdale and get the ring.
We may need the leverage, and we definitely need the money.
When you're done and assuming I made peace with Max, we meet up someplace discreet.
We just have to figure out where.
Hey, what's going on at the cabin these days? Ugh, Mom is insisting that all the cousins come up for Labor Day.
And I mean all of them.
- I mean right now.
- Oh, nothing.
Why don't you guys use it as a hideout? Gee, good idea.
It's in way upstate New York, like in the woods woods.
Good, then we have a plan.
Richard, I need one thing first.
[light jazzy music.]
Hey, what kind of bra are you wearing? Agent Provocateur, Lorna cut, nude.
And you're, what, 34B? Yes, sir.
Cool.
Take it off.
Just let me know if anyone comes within 40 to 50 feet.
Look casual.
One Mississippi, two Mississippi, three Mississ Ah, yeah! Still got it.
You certainly do.
Did you reach Sophia? No, I called, like, five times.
I can't tell if it's going to voicemail or it's not in service.
She's probably pissed we left without her.
Yeah, that's what I said.
- Thank you.
- You'll find her.
Be careful, okay? Yes, Mom.
I promise to check in along the way.
Hey, don't speed.
Yeah, don't speed.
Maybe you should have hotwired a minivan.
- Gross.
- Please.
Always forward.
Yeah.
I cannot wait to tell Mom Here.
Try not to, you know, kill anybody or or die.
Excellent advice.
[birds chirping.]
[gentle music.]
Maddie Jonson at long last.
A pleasure to finally meet you.
You too.
Thank you for the consideration.
Max tells me you're a natural.
A phenom, he said.
I do what I can.
You have a worldly way about you.
Would you call yourself an old soul? I never really thought about it.
I suppose I could be.
Ah, an outsider and an observer? Yes, I have always felt that way.
Max, Sally, you and me, we're seekers.
- Seekers? - Mm-hmm.
We want to live life by our own rules and explore the limits of control.
Did you remind her not to say more than she has to? Yes, she's going to do fine.
Like, you said, the Doctor has an eye for talent.
I know.
I know.
But the Doctor can be overly discriminating.
Do you know what the greatest con of all is? Love.
Love? You have a unique ability.
You instinctually grasp what lies behind a person's desires and longing.
Very rare.
That talent will allow us to explore some interesting opportunities.
Your first opportunity.
Everything you need to know is inside.
Cute.
I'm supposed to Learn about him, study him, and then maybe run into him somewhere appropriate.
See where it leads.
Max and Sally will be with you, infiltrating his life in their own way.
Part of a new family, so to speak.
Just have fun with it.
I'm sure I will.
Welcome to the family.
[phone buzzing.]
- Hello? - Yeah, it's Max.
- The location has changed.
- Why is that? Your dad and I thought it would be best if we took the conversation out of the house.
We're at the Roundabout Inn in Bowville.
It's just outside of town.
Apparently, they serve the best pancakes in Indiana, so follow the plan.
You might even get a chance to enjoy them.
Let me speak to my father.
- Ezie? - Are you okay? Dad, what what's going on? I'm fine.
Everything here is going as civilly as possible.
You are not to worry.
How do you expect me not to worry? Just don't! You're a Bloom.
When things get tough, stick your head up and Put your shoulders back.
Yeah, I got it, Dad.
I got it.
I'll be with you soon, okay? All right, good.
Ezra.
Keep your wits about you.
I will.
[soft, tense music.]
How long you been in this line of work? Almost 40 years.
Hmm.
How about you? We've both been at it a while.
I knew a con man once.
Guy I grew up with, Gabe Singer.
He'd dress up like a rabbi and go door-to-door selling Torah scrolls.
Said they'd been pulled from the floorboards of homes in the Warsaw ghetto.
Precious relics.
They were just cheap rip-offs.
He'd pour coffee on them, kick them around in the dirt.
And people bought 'em.
They believed.
They wanted to believe.
Innocent people.
I don't know how you people can do what you do.
I don't know how people can steal a patent from their own brother and then have him institutionalized.
Hey, you want to know something? It's not that simple.
I'm sure it was very complicated.
As a matter of fact, it was.
Haven't I been punished enough? Looks like you've been punished too, yeah? What happened? Some poor sucker finally catch up to you? Hey, cool it with the 20 Questions.
- No, why don't you tell him? - What? Why don't you tell him what happened, Max? - I don't know what happened, Sally.
- Why don't you guess? So what do you think the chances are that Margaret Jonson actually drops a dime on her own daughter? What would you do? You're a father.
Our girl's in trouble.
Yeah, but I like to think that I raised them well enough that they wouldn't become con artists.
That's just me.
You never know.
What's that supposed to mean? I'm the oldest of three.
My brother Ray, the youngest, like me, crossed "T"s, dotted "I"s.
Lives in Woodbridge, New Jersey.
Is a high school principal.
Married a cardiologist.
Then there's our sister, June.
Same parents, same love, same everything.
She set our grandparents' house on fire when she was 10, ran away to Los Angeles when she was barely 15, found face down in a reservoir two days before she turned 20.
Jesus.
Sometimes it's about the way you're raised.
Sometimes it's about the genes.
And sometimes it's just so goddamn crazy, we don't have a say in it.
Pretending otherwise will drive you crazy.
Let's get the check.
And then to the Blooms'.
Well, tomorrow morning? It's been a long drive.
It's time to get some rest.
Check, please? And you, my dear, should probably call your kids.
Heading into Indianapolis? Uh, tomorrow.
Tonight we're just gonna find a hotel and sack out.
- All right.
- You got any recommendations? There's a place called the Roundabout two exits down.
People say they serve the best pancakes in the state.
Oh, really? Have you tried them? I don't eat gluten.
[percussive intro.]
It is what it is Damn, this is a sexy-ass vehicle.
There's, like, 20 speakers in here.
Really feel the bass line up in your donkey-donk, huh? Mm.
Oh, yeah Well, well, well, well, well, well You want to know what I love about these cars? What do you love about these cars? They're body-on-frame.
Ooh, that sounds fun.
It is fun.
I don't mean to mansplain.
You probably know that, right? Is that why you got it? The 6.
2 V8 or, what, the shale interiors with the cocoa accents? Actually, I just got it 'cause it was the most expensive one they had.
Mm, I love that.
So tell me something about little sis I don't know.
Ooh, my goodness.
Where to start? N-o spells "no.
" Did you know that this cool downtown artist was once a very serious equestrian? - Oh, what? - One year riding.
- Two state championships.
- Wow.
- Then she quit.
- Poppy.
Jules fell off the horse and quit.
I did not fall off the horse.
Her name was Banner, and she broke her leg, and they put her down, and I didn't want to ride anymore.
[sighs.]
Damn! Riding in a Caddy with a couple of horse girls.
Could be worse.
Yee-ha.
Foreclosed? What the hell? Oh, no, no, no Is that normal? No, no, no, no.
Oh, my God.
What happened, Richie? Weren't you paying the mortgage? I was behind on a few payments, and I was waiting until we sold the ring.
We had to go to Mexico, and God damn it, Richie.
You stupid idiot! God! Stupid, stupid, stupid! Okay, okay, let's just go inside and check before we totally freak out.
No, no, no, we cannot go inside, because they probably showed whoever's in there our photos, and we'll be those idiot criminals returning to the scene of the crime.
I can go in.
Yeah! She can go in.
[sighs.]
Wait.
I can't let you go in there alone.
Jesus Christ.
[playful jazzy music.]
Afternoon, folks.
Afternoon.
JTS, Sun Briar Realty.
Archer Sutton.
This is my wife.
- Ellie Sutton.
- Hello.
Well, Ellie, Archer, you have hit the jackpot with this one.
This two-bedroom, one-family beauty just went on public auction for $25,000.
Yeah, that's how much is left on the mortgage from the previous owner.
Shit, man.
I'm sorry? We just can't believe houses for public auction go for such absurdly low prices.
Truth is, he's on the board at the Kenner Club, so this will be something of a winter sanctuary for us.
Such a lovely sanctuary.
I'm not sure about these ceilings, though.
Well, yeah, not the grandest, but Add some cove lighting, vertical paneling You know, cove Lower set sofas, maybe widen the windows, right? Yeah, yeah, definitely.
Honey, I'm gonna take a walk around.
You guys work all that out.
Yes, darling.
So why don't you show me where these bathrooms are? Well, the bathroom is right down the hall.
I'm sorry; did you say "the bathroom"? [gentle piano music.]
[sighs.]
Any luck? Uh, yeah, I actually found it.
I'm just really into digging into this garbage with my bare hands.
[sighs.]
Hey.
It's okay.
We'll work it out.
Yeah.
Let's just go.
There's nothing left for me here.
No.
Hey, absolutely Get this out of here.
Come on; it's just like you but with personality.
So he said everything of value in the house was put up for auction and sold.
Oh, man.
Well, that's it, then.
Shit.
Hopefully, Ezra's doing better than we are.
Drama queens.
What do you do when you fall off a horse? Shoot it.
I'll get the rooms.
You get the bags.
I'm grabbing ice and some drinks.
[scattered conversations.]
Two separate rooms, each with a queen-size bed.
We only have two twins left.
Excuse me? We only have Ice machine? All the way down that way.
Thanks.
Just give me whatever you have left.
Thank you.
Well, have Mommy take a picture of it and send it to Daddy, and I'll make it my screensaver.
Are you kidding? Those pancakes better be worth writing home about.
Kitchen's closed.
We're putting in new sprinklers.
May I have some change, please? If that's for another guest, I need their signature.
You can't sign for them.
Sir, did you want change? Mrs.
Jonson? What is it? I just saw that goddamn FBI agent, - that Angie lady.
- What? Shit, Patrick's there too.
Look, he's right there.
- Is she there now? - Yes.
She's planning on spending the night.
After that, I don't know.
We'll be there as fast as we can, and I promise you we will keep her safe.
I should go.
[sighs.]
What's up? That was Margaret Jonson.
Maddie's home.
Your wife or your stupid son called the cops.
That was your plan, you idiot? What? No! I swear to God I will hurt you in ways you cannot imagine! Wait, wait, wait, wait, Sally.
Are they leaving? Look.
- [sighs.]
- They're leaving.
Well, if she thinks you made her, of course they're leaving, and they'll send the cops! Just take it easy.
We're leaving as soon as they're out of here.
[screaming.]
I'm not sitting back for (BLEEP) crooks! Get your hands off me.
[yelling.]
- Calm down.
- Let me out! - Calm down! - Let me out! Arthur, stop! [both panting.]
- Oh, my God.
- Oh, Jesus Christ.
It's like the whole goddamn thing is in there.
- All right, don't move.
- Okay.
- [screams.]
- Idiot.
Let me see it.
Oh, God, we need to clean this.
We'll use hand soap for now.
Come on.
Come on.
Arthur, are you calm in there? I need soap and a towel and no more bullshit.
Come on, schmuck.
Answer me.
Or I'll let Sally have her way with you.
What the (BLEEP)? Well, shit.
Son of a bitch.
God damn it.
This was not supposed to happen.
People were not supposed to die.
He did it to himself.
No, no, this whole thing, this whole goddamn thing is out of control.
We're grifters; we're not killers.
Hey, get your shit together, God damn it.
Calm down.
Maybe you should ask Heller if we're killers.
And I don't recall you getting down on your knees when you put me in that car with Lenny Cohen.
Rules of the game, Max.
That's how it goes.
So pull yourself together, and act like a friggin' professional.
And the fullback right up the middle.
Gain of two on the play.
That'll bring up third Ah, there's that face.
[laughs.]
Hi.
[laughs.]
Maddie, Dad.
Maddie.
It's so good to see you.
How's my girl? I'm good, Dad.
How are you? Oh, you know.
Little cabin fever.
Happy to still be watching the wheels go round and round.
I get it, Dad.
So what's new, hmm? How's Finland? Uh, Greenland? You look a little tired, sweetie.
Well, things haven't been so great.
Oh, no? Come on; tell me.
Come into my my office here.
It's, um Dad, I've been working for a very bad person.
I've done some pretty bad things.
Tricked people, taken their money, hurt them.
I want to stop.
I want to be free of it.
You've always been so determined.
You know, you you you put your mind into something, watch out.
Thanks for saying that, Dad.
Hey, can I tell you something? Mm-hmm.
It's a secret.
You can't tell anyone.
Okay.
You know this man I work for, the Doctor? I'm gonna kill him.
It's the only way for me to get out, be free.
Hi.
There's that face.
Hi, Dad.
I'm gonna go downstairs and check on dinner, okay? Okay, great.
- Max.
- Hey.
Hold on.
Hold on.
I'm sorry.
I didn't know what I was walking into.
Ah, don't worry about it.
Don't worry about it.
Look, we had a problem here.
I'm very sorry.
It wasn't supposed to go down this way.
What did you do to him? - Kid - What did you do to him? [soft music.]
All right, kid.
It's time to go.
I'm sorry.
Hey, Ezra.
Come on.
Come on.
Come on.
Okay, come.
I may not know What happens now I see some old cracks in your ground If I could fall Into your arms Sweet-loving maid, I swear I did no harm Hold your hands up high My love, I'll see you by and by Hold Rise and shine, Jujube.
We made it.
My love, I'll see you by and by Oh, wow.
This is no cabin.
This is a friggin' starter castle.
Come on.
I want to show you around.
Don't worry, guys.
I got the bags.
Coffee in the cold.
Coffee in the cold.
[sweeping music.]
Mrs.
Jonson, your daughter is a professional con artist.
And unless we find her, her life is most definitely in danger.
What would happen if you went to the police and told them what you just told me? The man I work for, he is smarter than the police, and he'd kill me.
Ezra, you have to call your parents.
Right now.
- [dish smashes.]
- [screams.]
Let's get Josh and Sally away from each other.
I think our best play here is a change of scenery.
Arthur, I need you to be on board.
What's going on? It's time to go back to the States.
Now.
How much does this coyote cost? An extra ten grand.
I know how to get $10,000 by tomorrow.
- You have the money? - Yes.
- [sighs with relief.]
- And no.
My sister has it.
- Richard Evans.
- Poppy Langmore.
She's Alice.
Maddie was impersonating Poppy to become Alice.
She was, like, doing a version of her.
- Oh, dear.
- This is the actual Alice.
Except I'm actually rich.
Okay, Sophia gets here in an hour and a half.
Okay, guys, we got to go.
Got to go now.
Come on.
What does the Doctor want? How angry is he? It's time for you to come in and see the Doctor.
Look, I did it, and I'm still breathing.
I'll take it.
[dramatic classical music.]
[music cuts in and out.]
[various voices and music over radio.]
Central Pennsylvania's rock-and-roll time machine, WURG, coming to you out of Pottsville.
When you're young and so in love as we And bewildered by the world we see See you later! Why do people hurt us so? Only those in love will know What a town without pity can do If we stop to gaze upon a star People talk about how bad Hi, there, handsome.
You ready? How's the Salisbury steak? Have you ever eaten at Tucker's Steakhouse across the street? Oh, sure.
Not on my dime.
Our porterhouse is the same exact cut.
Same supplier.
But that's a $50 cut.
In here, it's almost half the price.
I take mine medium rare.
Y'all have been a breath of fresh air just as I was starting to feel homesick.
Let me get your change.
No, no, keep the change, please.
You're a doll.
Bless your hearts.
Excuse me, hon.
Hmm? Could we get a top-off? Oh, of course.
Can I get you guys anything else? Our Fudge Blackout Cake is to die for.
No, thanks, kid.
We're great.
You sure are.
One day, when I'm sitting here in this very diner with my future husband, I hope to look as striking and happy as you two.
[chuckles.]
You clocking the moves on this one? Yeah, she's got to be racking huge tips.
Hey, good to see you guys again.
This is what I always order.
It's so good.
Kid's a natural.
Can do Yeah.
What? Are you kidding me? This is our only shot.
Our third doesn't even arrive until Shh.
- I'll be back in one minute.
- Fine, fine.
We'll wing it.
- What was that? - Our friend's leaving.
Tonight.
What? Let me guess.
Your beloved Cy Roberts dropped the ball again.
He confused us with Cincinnati and Akron.
Thanks for nothing, Cy.
Jesus.
So this Cy guy, you want me to take care of him for you? That's cute, kid.
Yeah.
Yeah, we wish.
Well, look at this table of black and gold.
Looks like we got some fellow Panther fans here.
- Whoo! - [customers cheer.]
You guys want some waters? Take your time with the menu, boys.
I promise I'll be right back.
- Uh, can we - Oh, ready for a check? - Having fun? - Of course.
I mean, I love my job.
- I love my customers.
- Is that a fact? Because when you drop your game face, it sure looks like you'd rather be almost anywhere else.
Yeah, maybe.
[chuckles.]
Definitely.
Think you'd be interested in taking your game to the next level? Make some real money.
I got to run, so I'll see you tomorrow.
20 minutes! Let's go! [various conversations.]
Lansdale line now departing from track two.
Lansdale to Phoenix Hill and Valley Forge now departing from line two.
[energetic jazzy music.]
[gasps.]
- Oh, my God.
- You all right? - Oh, God, it's just - Here, let me get that.
Careful.
Don't hurt yourself.
- Thank you! - No problem.
What a lousy day.
I mean, first day on the job, and my new boss could not have been a bigger pain in the ass.
I mean, all friggin' day, like, "Type faster.
Type faster.
" I already type 100 words a minute.
Well, trust me; you could probably get a job anywhere.
- Now arriving - That's my train.
Oh, well, thank you.
You're so kind.
Hey, any chance I can get your number? Uh, well, sure.
Don't miss your train.
Not bad for ten minutes of work, huh? No.
[laughs.]
Not bad at all.
Hey, you didn't give that guy your real number, did you? Oh, well, I gave him a number.
To the Pottsville police station.
- Any interest in doing this again? - Sure.
Parents let you stay out late? My parents barely know I'm alive.
Oh.
Well, they don't know what they're missing.
We'll be in touch.
Okay.
[horn honks.]
- Oh! - Richard.
- Oh, I'm cramping! - Richard.
- I'm cramping.
I'm - Richard! Can you just lean the other way? When you got in, you didn't have to spoon me So that we're 69ing each other? No, thank you.
Just please move your arm out from under my ribs.
I'm in pain.
Yeah, here we go.
Not there! Jesus! Sorry, was that your Yes! Yes, it was.
Oh.
Wow, man.
I'm impressed.
I had no idea.
And nothing makes you happier than being scandalized by everything that I do.
Happy? You needed my help to the tune of $10,000.
Yes, I know, and I appreciate that.
I'm just saying.
Doesn't sound like appreciation.
I'm just saying that whenever you're around me, I don't think you're conscious of it, but you are incapable of drawing a nonjudgmental breath.
Don't be so irascible.
It is my job to tough-love you.
That's not a verb.
For the past three years, you have been the hottest of all messes ever.
If I didn't help you, who would? Nope, not judgmental at all.
Not at all.
Oh, these texts aren't even going through.
Shit.
I really hope that kid got her that note.
So is the plan, like, you and Sophia live a life of crime? I don't really have a plan at the moment other than, I mean, my parents are being held hostage.
Hey, I'm not judging, man.
I'm just asking, 'cause, I mean, I don't think I'm cut out for this con stuff.
I mean, I could be, but I'm destined for something greater.
I can feel it in my balls.
Spoken like a man destined for greatness.
[both yell.]
God damn it! - I hate it in here! - Me too! So give me the deets on Richard Evans.
What? No.
Why? I don't know.
I'm intrigued.
Hey, listen.
He's a nice guy, okay? He's been through a lot.
You're not sticking your manicured claws into him.
Mm-hmm.
[chuckles.]
What's so funny? I can't believe the real Alice showed up.
She's not Alice.
Well, she's the OG Alice.
Maybe it's a sign.
A sign for what? I don't know.
That, like, shit's gonna be awesome again.
Maybe it all happened For a reason that Laszlo stormed off in a huff.
You were always in that cycle, even when you were dating.
I suppose.
What do you think about Laszlo? He's your husband.
Answer the question.
I think he's your husband.
I just don't know if that's true anymore.
Oh, Poops, I'm sorry.
Oh, it's okay.
I'm fine.
It's just [sighs.]
Ugh.
But that Richard.
The way he's looking at me, it was so sweet and open, so decidedly not Laszlo.
I don't like where this is going.
It's not going anywhere.
Yet.
Oy vey.
And on top of everything, you're speaking Hebrew? I'm going on a picnic, and I'm bringing an apple, a brontosaurus, a crash helmet, a diorama, an egg, and some fish.
I'm going on a picnic, and I'm bringing an apple, a brontosaurus, a [brakes squeak softly.]
[man speaking in Spanish.]
Oh, are we stopping? - Are we stopping? - Shh! - [dog barks.]
- Holy shit.
It's probably just a spot check.
- Play dead.
- What? [men speaking in Spanish.]
[dramatic music.]
[sighs.]
Dude, I thought we were goners.
I thought they were gonna shoot us.
What? This is what immigration is like? Dude, this is a major issue.
[soft music.]
- Hey, Mom.
- [gasps.]
Oh, God.
Oh.
Hi, Maddie.
Hey.
You changed your hair.
Some things still come for you.
Maybe you should have them forwarded to Houston.
Sad not having you at Christmas this year.
I know.
I'm sorry about that.
It's quiet.
We missed you.
I missed you too.
Mom, I need to tell you something.
It's important.
I don't live in Houston.
I never did.
And I don't work for UNICEF.
Okay.
Well, aren't you gonna say something? How are you making money? Just job to job, really.
Job to job.
Yeah, I've been, um, just figuring it out.
I'm sure that sounds flaky to you, just like everything else I've done.
I never thought working for UNICEF sounded flaky.
Is there anything else you want to tell me? Just that I'm sorry for not being honest.
Yes.
Thanks for saying so.
Dad in his room? Asleep, as usual.
But please wait until he's up to say hi.
You staying the night? - Is that okay? - Of course.
Okay.
- [sighs.]
- Oh, I got to piss so bad.
- My leg's asleep.
- Oh! Oh, boy.
Look out.
Look out.
Look out.
- Oh, pee, pee, pee - So bad.
- Pee, pee.
- So bad.
- Oh! - Ah! What? We have to pee there? It's just like camp! I hated camp! Yo, yo, back up, dude.
You're, like, right next to me.
Ah, shit.
Oh! Oh, come on.
The fricking guy's, like, yelling at us in Spanish.
I know; it was like being in a tomb.
Right? It's like we were stuck in a foxhole.
I'm definitely getting cremated.
I thought we had some nice moments, actually.
Guys.
There are two things we have to accomplish.
First, I have to rescue my family from Max.
No, wait, wait.
You're not doing this by yourself.
It's my family.
If I show up with anybody else, it could (BLEEP) everything up.
Agreed? Well, shit, man, I guess.
Good.
Which brings me to goal number two.
You guys have to go to Scottsdale and get the ring.
We may need the leverage, and we definitely need the money.
When you're done and assuming I made peace with Max, we meet up someplace discreet.
We just have to figure out where.
Hey, what's going on at the cabin these days? Ugh, Mom is insisting that all the cousins come up for Labor Day.
And I mean all of them.
- I mean right now.
- Oh, nothing.
Why don't you guys use it as a hideout? Gee, good idea.
It's in way upstate New York, like in the woods woods.
Good, then we have a plan.
Richard, I need one thing first.
[light jazzy music.]
Hey, what kind of bra are you wearing? Agent Provocateur, Lorna cut, nude.
And you're, what, 34B? Yes, sir.
Cool.
Take it off.
Just let me know if anyone comes within 40 to 50 feet.
Look casual.
One Mississippi, two Mississippi, three Mississ Ah, yeah! Still got it.
You certainly do.
Did you reach Sophia? No, I called, like, five times.
I can't tell if it's going to voicemail or it's not in service.
She's probably pissed we left without her.
Yeah, that's what I said.
- Thank you.
- You'll find her.
Be careful, okay? Yes, Mom.
I promise to check in along the way.
Hey, don't speed.
Yeah, don't speed.
Maybe you should have hotwired a minivan.
- Gross.
- Please.
Always forward.
Yeah.
I cannot wait to tell Mom Here.
Try not to, you know, kill anybody or or die.
Excellent advice.
[birds chirping.]
[gentle music.]
Maddie Jonson at long last.
A pleasure to finally meet you.
You too.
Thank you for the consideration.
Max tells me you're a natural.
A phenom, he said.
I do what I can.
You have a worldly way about you.
Would you call yourself an old soul? I never really thought about it.
I suppose I could be.
Ah, an outsider and an observer? Yes, I have always felt that way.
Max, Sally, you and me, we're seekers.
- Seekers? - Mm-hmm.
We want to live life by our own rules and explore the limits of control.
Did you remind her not to say more than she has to? Yes, she's going to do fine.
Like, you said, the Doctor has an eye for talent.
I know.
I know.
But the Doctor can be overly discriminating.
Do you know what the greatest con of all is? Love.
Love? You have a unique ability.
You instinctually grasp what lies behind a person's desires and longing.
Very rare.
That talent will allow us to explore some interesting opportunities.
Your first opportunity.
Everything you need to know is inside.
Cute.
I'm supposed to Learn about him, study him, and then maybe run into him somewhere appropriate.
See where it leads.
Max and Sally will be with you, infiltrating his life in their own way.
Part of a new family, so to speak.
Just have fun with it.
I'm sure I will.
Welcome to the family.
[phone buzzing.]
- Hello? - Yeah, it's Max.
- The location has changed.
- Why is that? Your dad and I thought it would be best if we took the conversation out of the house.
We're at the Roundabout Inn in Bowville.
It's just outside of town.
Apparently, they serve the best pancakes in Indiana, so follow the plan.
You might even get a chance to enjoy them.
Let me speak to my father.
- Ezie? - Are you okay? Dad, what what's going on? I'm fine.
Everything here is going as civilly as possible.
You are not to worry.
How do you expect me not to worry? Just don't! You're a Bloom.
When things get tough, stick your head up and Put your shoulders back.
Yeah, I got it, Dad.
I got it.
I'll be with you soon, okay? All right, good.
Ezra.
Keep your wits about you.
I will.
[soft, tense music.]
How long you been in this line of work? Almost 40 years.
Hmm.
How about you? We've both been at it a while.
I knew a con man once.
Guy I grew up with, Gabe Singer.
He'd dress up like a rabbi and go door-to-door selling Torah scrolls.
Said they'd been pulled from the floorboards of homes in the Warsaw ghetto.
Precious relics.
They were just cheap rip-offs.
He'd pour coffee on them, kick them around in the dirt.
And people bought 'em.
They believed.
They wanted to believe.
Innocent people.
I don't know how you people can do what you do.
I don't know how people can steal a patent from their own brother and then have him institutionalized.
Hey, you want to know something? It's not that simple.
I'm sure it was very complicated.
As a matter of fact, it was.
Haven't I been punished enough? Looks like you've been punished too, yeah? What happened? Some poor sucker finally catch up to you? Hey, cool it with the 20 Questions.
- No, why don't you tell him? - What? Why don't you tell him what happened, Max? - I don't know what happened, Sally.
- Why don't you guess? So what do you think the chances are that Margaret Jonson actually drops a dime on her own daughter? What would you do? You're a father.
Our girl's in trouble.
Yeah, but I like to think that I raised them well enough that they wouldn't become con artists.
That's just me.
You never know.
What's that supposed to mean? I'm the oldest of three.
My brother Ray, the youngest, like me, crossed "T"s, dotted "I"s.
Lives in Woodbridge, New Jersey.
Is a high school principal.
Married a cardiologist.
Then there's our sister, June.
Same parents, same love, same everything.
She set our grandparents' house on fire when she was 10, ran away to Los Angeles when she was barely 15, found face down in a reservoir two days before she turned 20.
Jesus.
Sometimes it's about the way you're raised.
Sometimes it's about the genes.
And sometimes it's just so goddamn crazy, we don't have a say in it.
Pretending otherwise will drive you crazy.
Let's get the check.
And then to the Blooms'.
Well, tomorrow morning? It's been a long drive.
It's time to get some rest.
Check, please? And you, my dear, should probably call your kids.
Heading into Indianapolis? Uh, tomorrow.
Tonight we're just gonna find a hotel and sack out.
- All right.
- You got any recommendations? There's a place called the Roundabout two exits down.
People say they serve the best pancakes in the state.
Oh, really? Have you tried them? I don't eat gluten.
[percussive intro.]
It is what it is Damn, this is a sexy-ass vehicle.
There's, like, 20 speakers in here.
Really feel the bass line up in your donkey-donk, huh? Mm.
Oh, yeah Well, well, well, well, well, well You want to know what I love about these cars? What do you love about these cars? They're body-on-frame.
Ooh, that sounds fun.
It is fun.
I don't mean to mansplain.
You probably know that, right? Is that why you got it? The 6.
2 V8 or, what, the shale interiors with the cocoa accents? Actually, I just got it 'cause it was the most expensive one they had.
Mm, I love that.
So tell me something about little sis I don't know.
Ooh, my goodness.
Where to start? N-o spells "no.
" Did you know that this cool downtown artist was once a very serious equestrian? - Oh, what? - One year riding.
- Two state championships.
- Wow.
- Then she quit.
- Poppy.
Jules fell off the horse and quit.
I did not fall off the horse.
Her name was Banner, and she broke her leg, and they put her down, and I didn't want to ride anymore.
[sighs.]
Damn! Riding in a Caddy with a couple of horse girls.
Could be worse.
Yee-ha.
Foreclosed? What the hell? Oh, no, no, no Is that normal? No, no, no, no.
Oh, my God.
What happened, Richie? Weren't you paying the mortgage? I was behind on a few payments, and I was waiting until we sold the ring.
We had to go to Mexico, and God damn it, Richie.
You stupid idiot! God! Stupid, stupid, stupid! Okay, okay, let's just go inside and check before we totally freak out.
No, no, no, we cannot go inside, because they probably showed whoever's in there our photos, and we'll be those idiot criminals returning to the scene of the crime.
I can go in.
Yeah! She can go in.
[sighs.]
Wait.
I can't let you go in there alone.
Jesus Christ.
[playful jazzy music.]
Afternoon, folks.
Afternoon.
JTS, Sun Briar Realty.
Archer Sutton.
This is my wife.
- Ellie Sutton.
- Hello.
Well, Ellie, Archer, you have hit the jackpot with this one.
This two-bedroom, one-family beauty just went on public auction for $25,000.
Yeah, that's how much is left on the mortgage from the previous owner.
Shit, man.
I'm sorry? We just can't believe houses for public auction go for such absurdly low prices.
Truth is, he's on the board at the Kenner Club, so this will be something of a winter sanctuary for us.
Such a lovely sanctuary.
I'm not sure about these ceilings, though.
Well, yeah, not the grandest, but Add some cove lighting, vertical paneling You know, cove Lower set sofas, maybe widen the windows, right? Yeah, yeah, definitely.
Honey, I'm gonna take a walk around.
You guys work all that out.
Yes, darling.
So why don't you show me where these bathrooms are? Well, the bathroom is right down the hall.
I'm sorry; did you say "the bathroom"? [gentle piano music.]
[sighs.]
Any luck? Uh, yeah, I actually found it.
I'm just really into digging into this garbage with my bare hands.
[sighs.]
Hey.
It's okay.
We'll work it out.
Yeah.
Let's just go.
There's nothing left for me here.
No.
Hey, absolutely Get this out of here.
Come on; it's just like you but with personality.
So he said everything of value in the house was put up for auction and sold.
Oh, man.
Well, that's it, then.
Shit.
Hopefully, Ezra's doing better than we are.
Drama queens.
What do you do when you fall off a horse? Shoot it.
I'll get the rooms.
You get the bags.
I'm grabbing ice and some drinks.
[scattered conversations.]
Two separate rooms, each with a queen-size bed.
We only have two twins left.
Excuse me? We only have Ice machine? All the way down that way.
Thanks.
Just give me whatever you have left.
Thank you.
Well, have Mommy take a picture of it and send it to Daddy, and I'll make it my screensaver.
Are you kidding? Those pancakes better be worth writing home about.
Kitchen's closed.
We're putting in new sprinklers.
May I have some change, please? If that's for another guest, I need their signature.
You can't sign for them.
Sir, did you want change? Mrs.
Jonson? What is it? I just saw that goddamn FBI agent, - that Angie lady.
- What? Shit, Patrick's there too.
Look, he's right there.
- Is she there now? - Yes.
She's planning on spending the night.
After that, I don't know.
We'll be there as fast as we can, and I promise you we will keep her safe.
I should go.
[sighs.]
What's up? That was Margaret Jonson.
Maddie's home.
Your wife or your stupid son called the cops.
That was your plan, you idiot? What? No! I swear to God I will hurt you in ways you cannot imagine! Wait, wait, wait, wait, Sally.
Are they leaving? Look.
- [sighs.]
- They're leaving.
Well, if she thinks you made her, of course they're leaving, and they'll send the cops! Just take it easy.
We're leaving as soon as they're out of here.
[screaming.]
I'm not sitting back for (BLEEP) crooks! Get your hands off me.
[yelling.]
- Calm down.
- Let me out! - Calm down! - Let me out! Arthur, stop! [both panting.]
- Oh, my God.
- Oh, Jesus Christ.
It's like the whole goddamn thing is in there.
- All right, don't move.
- Okay.
- [screams.]
- Idiot.
Let me see it.
Oh, God, we need to clean this.
We'll use hand soap for now.
Come on.
Come on.
Arthur, are you calm in there? I need soap and a towel and no more bullshit.
Come on, schmuck.
Answer me.
Or I'll let Sally have her way with you.
What the (BLEEP)? Well, shit.
Son of a bitch.
God damn it.
This was not supposed to happen.
People were not supposed to die.
He did it to himself.
No, no, this whole thing, this whole goddamn thing is out of control.
We're grifters; we're not killers.
Hey, get your shit together, God damn it.
Calm down.
Maybe you should ask Heller if we're killers.
And I don't recall you getting down on your knees when you put me in that car with Lenny Cohen.
Rules of the game, Max.
That's how it goes.
So pull yourself together, and act like a friggin' professional.
And the fullback right up the middle.
Gain of two on the play.
That'll bring up third Ah, there's that face.
[laughs.]
Hi.
[laughs.]
Maddie, Dad.
Maddie.
It's so good to see you.
How's my girl? I'm good, Dad.
How are you? Oh, you know.
Little cabin fever.
Happy to still be watching the wheels go round and round.
I get it, Dad.
So what's new, hmm? How's Finland? Uh, Greenland? You look a little tired, sweetie.
Well, things haven't been so great.
Oh, no? Come on; tell me.
Come into my my office here.
It's, um Dad, I've been working for a very bad person.
I've done some pretty bad things.
Tricked people, taken their money, hurt them.
I want to stop.
I want to be free of it.
You've always been so determined.
You know, you you you put your mind into something, watch out.
Thanks for saying that, Dad.
Hey, can I tell you something? Mm-hmm.
It's a secret.
You can't tell anyone.
Okay.
You know this man I work for, the Doctor? I'm gonna kill him.
It's the only way for me to get out, be free.
Hi.
There's that face.
Hi, Dad.
I'm gonna go downstairs and check on dinner, okay? Okay, great.
- Max.
- Hey.
Hold on.
Hold on.
I'm sorry.
I didn't know what I was walking into.
Ah, don't worry about it.
Don't worry about it.
Look, we had a problem here.
I'm very sorry.
It wasn't supposed to go down this way.
What did you do to him? - Kid - What did you do to him? [soft music.]
All right, kid.
It's time to go.
I'm sorry.
Hey, Ezra.
Come on.
Come on.
Come on.
Okay, come.
I may not know What happens now I see some old cracks in your ground If I could fall Into your arms Sweet-loving maid, I swear I did no harm Hold your hands up high My love, I'll see you by and by Hold Rise and shine, Jujube.
We made it.
My love, I'll see you by and by Oh, wow.
This is no cabin.
This is a friggin' starter castle.
Come on.
I want to show you around.
Don't worry, guys.
I got the bags.
Coffee in the cold.
Coffee in the cold.
[sweeping music.]