In the Long Run (2018) s02e05 Episode Script

1 Dear Walter, I'm glad you have returned to work.
Now that you're earning a wage once more, I wonder if you could see your way to sending me just a little more - I'm off to work.
- So you are still insisting on being - a material girl in a material world.
- And why not? Because the strike is over, we're making money.
Sit down, relax.
Walter, I want to work.
I enjoy my work.
I get to meet wonderful people and help with the community.
- You'll be running the place soon.
- So maybe I will.
And you can give up work and be a househusband.
Sit home and do nothing and relax? No, I don't mean You know what I don't mean, I don't mean that you do nothing.
- You.
- What I mean is is that it's something that I would struggle to do, you understand.
But you know what I can do.
I can cook.
That's what I would do.
I would cook for you.
My wife, my baby, listen.
Let me, I'll cook.
What you like? You like fish fingers? I'd better learn to cook.
Hey, you.
Come here, you.
- Leon! - Hello.
Glad I caught you lot.
I'm gonna see a man about a dog.
- Are you interested? - Leon! We're not into anything doggy any more.
This week.
What is it? I told you, it's a dog.
A litter of pure-breed mastiffs.
Thought you might want one for Melissa.
Mum, Mum, Mum, Mum, Mummy! - Mummy, Mummy, Mummy, Mummy! - What, in our poky flat? You've got a balcony, ain't you? Never mind.
Hey, are we still on for tonight? - Yeah, I'm doing jerk chicken.
- Lovely.
Just like home.
- Hm.
- Well, suppose I'd better be off.
These dogs aren't going to buy themselves.
Imagine if they could.
- See you safely to work? - Oh, why, thank you, sir.
See you.
Agnes, have you got a minute? - Erm, of course.
- Fabulous.
There's someone you absolutely have to meet.
Yvonne.
I'd like to introduce you to Agnes.
I'm actually surprised you haven't met before.
- Really? - Pleasure to meet you.
It's so exciting.
I'm sure you'll both get on enormously.
And why was that be, Jane? Well, there's lots of similarities, aren't there? Such as? Oh, my goodness.
Lots of things.
There's a You're both women.
Anything else? No.
I see they've got you making the coffee.
- Yes, I'm happy to do it.
- I'm sure you are, Miss Licky-Licky.
Shit.
Hey! You are meant to be helping me.
It is a foolish man that gets a dog and bites himself.
Smart dog though.
I'm seeing what you're play at Kerry's birthday.
Oh.
You seem keen to impress this Kerry here.
What? No, she's just come to the garage a couple of times and - Ah! She gives you the twitch.
- Ooh! That's gross.
Doesn't matter anyway.
She's Don's daughter.
My boy, you are going to be meet many fathers.
Most of them are not going to like you very much.
Don's is a good place to develop your Ninja technique.
Hey, watch me, like this.
Yes, I have a job.
Kwa-cha! And I've never met anyone like your daughter before.
Wah-kah-cha! I will be Cupid.
Woo! Ha-kwa-ha! You will be stupid.
Yeah, you won't do that today? I'm joking.
I'm joking.
- Kobna? - Mm? Tonight I will play soulful songs to make this Kerry fall in love - with even a houseboy, yeah? - Yeah.
Wicked.
Wicked.
Enough with that, bring my records.
We are running late.
IRA claimed responsibility for a suspect package Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
It doesn't look like jerk chicken.
Well, no not yet.
You've got to do the jerk gravy, haven't you? Not sure it's gravy, babe.
What? Mate, if you're pretending to hoover, it's a bit, you know, obvious if you come in here.
Oh, yeah.
Sorry.
He's a chip off the old block, ain't he? Houseboy.
Ah! Kelly, eh? It's Kerry.
OK, OK.
Kobna, speak to her.
Be confident.
Make her smile.
Gave is over, yeah? What, you mean like that? Go.
Otherwise your heart will break into a thousand tiny pieces.
Even though you end up as the best man at their wedding and make good friends with the bride's cousin underneath the cake table.
What? It could happen.
Go.
Speak to her.
Sorry, can I help you? Cos you were staring pretty hard.
I was looking at her.
Hi, darling.
Oh, what a lovely-looking lad he is.
Wait, are you staring at Kerry? No.
No.
Geezer, I'm messing with you.
Look, me and Kerry just go way back.
Name's John, but everyone calls me Barney.
Kobna.
- Why do they call you Barney? - Cos I make the bed rock.
Uh-uh-uh! Come on.
Come and say hi.
Mm.
Just like my dear mother's.
Really? Yeah.
Full of love and very little flavour.
Now, her patties on the other hand, like they were filled by Jesus himself, with Saint Peter on pastry duty.
You ever get to see Trinidad, Bagpipes? I wish.
Love to have seen more of the world.
Oh, well, you should come.
Bring Melissa over.
She'd love it.
- Tempt you with a trip to paradise? - Yeah.
- What's it like? - Oh, Bagpipes! Shiny blue seas, white sands, oh, man.
Beats spinning blue lights and white dog pooh here every time.
- Jerk.
- Sorry? More Jack gravy, Leon? No.
No! Beni Baraale You should have made it bigger.
It is not a tent! You know, you are big.
Where is Walter tonight? I enjoy how uncomfortable he gets when the three of us are together.
He's out shopping.
Ooh! He has a special meal plan for us tomorrow night.
Ooh! You have him well-trained though.
You let him have his own money? Are you all right, my sister? Maybe.
I can't stop thinking about this woman at work.
Mm? I've dealt with some rude people in my time.
But it cuts deep when it's another black woman, hm.
Jamaican.
Hey! That all nonsense.
My sister, they looked down upon us Africans.
I don't know why, sure they are rude.
They haven't been through the trials we Africans have.
Sure, right now, ooh, I have a pain in my stomach, - I just get on with it, don't I, Maria? - Yes.
I just get on with it.
- I don't tell anybody.
- Not a soul.
Sure, if I am being entirely honest it's probably very serious.
- Still, I don't say anything.
- This woman was not lazy, but she was so rude.
Perhaps she just doesn't like you.
No.
Tomorrow I will find out exactly what the problem is.
No, honey, you don't need the toilet again.
I do, Daddy.
Thank you, this is lovely.
Bagpipes, he's great.
- What's your plan, Leon? - Honestly, still a bit peckish.
I might stop and get a kebab on the way home.
I meant about Melissa.
You're not sticking around, are you? When I came from Trini, this was just meant to be a flying visit, you know, to see Mum and that, and then boom, there's Melissa, and she is lovely.
But it just doesn't feel like home any more.
"Hello, Mr Crocodile.
" "Oh, hello, Bagpipes!" I tell you what, Kirs, I'll visit, yeah? If that's all right with you.
Her mum's just down the road.
Like I'm cool and right.
Look, I just don't want to make promises I can't keep, Kirs.
Not to her.
- Good night, darling.
- Good night, Daddy.
Sleep tight.
We're the baddest of the bad The coolest of the cool I'm the DMC I'm DJ Run, I rock and rule And no-one knows this tune in here.
Oh, my God, Kobna, I swear you do that at work and my dad will hip-hop his foot up your arse.
Playing a blinder, Vally.
Not easy getting my old dear up and about.
No, problem, Mr Don.
Looks like our Kerry's quite taken with your Velcro.
No, mean feat.
Velcro? That's what we call Kobna at work.
Aw! OK, OK, OK.
No problem.
No problem.
Don't worry.
Hey! We may have gotten off on the wrong foot yesterday.
I know we were brought together in less than ideal circumstances.
But maybe it's a blessing in disguise.
Disguised so well we could say it's not a blessing at all.
I'm not quite entirely sure Look at you two, getting on like a house on fire.
Ooh! Ooh! OK.
Everybody, will you just stay inside the building? Is this another hoax? Actually, it might be the real deal.
Suspect device out on the pavement, OK, so we can't go outside.
We need to go to a room at the back of the building.
- Expert, are we? - Common sense.
Common is right.
I agree with Agnes.
Let's keep away from these windows.
There must be somewhere in the building.
I know a place.
Right.
Happy now? Hm! And Barney, he just gets me, you know, and he speaks patois.
Hey, forget this patois.
You need to learn your Creole.
Well, Creole's boring and Barney said that he Hey, don't talk nonsense and don't forget where you come from, OK.
How about this Kerry? You barely mentioned her.
No on me.
You need to put those words back in your mouth before you Father hears.
Hm.
Houseboy.
So, how about this Mr Don? You like working for him? He treats you well? - Respects you? - Yeah, of course.
Why wouldn't he? No reason.
Now go to school before your father chases me and beats me like he did when we were boys.
I said go.
OK.
Shout, shout Let it all out These are the things I can do without Isn't that the truth? Come on I'm talking to you Come on Are you calling me a coward? If there's something weird And it don't look good Who you gonna call? Valentine! Hey! Singing Boy, you are talking sense! Hey! Mr Don, you're not ready! Wye-yah! Hey.
Well? Everyone's hunkered down under their desks while Stu makes emergency Toffo dashes to the vending machine.
I don't understand why anyone would do this.
I mean, what have we ever done to the Irish? Steal their country? Apart from that! Sh.
I can't breathe.
Ooh! My eyes have gone all funny.
- I just need - A back bone? Now, Jane, listen.
I need you to breathe for me, OK? OK.
OK.
Ooooh! Ooooh! - Ooooh! - Ooooh! That's it.
- Ooooh! Ooooh! - That's it.
Keep breathing.
You're doing brilliantly.
Thank you.
Your accent's so soothing, Agnes.
You know I've made some okra stew.
- Ooh! - Cheers, Agnes.
Thank God you're here, eh.
Dave, it's not to be eaten in the toi Yvonne.
Are you OK? Irie.
That's it.
Don't be mean with the beast.
Right.
Hey, Mr Don-Don! - How are you? - Good.
Good.
Could I take a moment of your time to talk about Carrot? Carrot? Kobna.
We call him that at home, because sometimes he eats his carrots, and other times he does not.
We find it very funny.
Right.
You could call him Carrot here if you like.
No, he's got a nickname.
Velcro.
What is this Velcro? It's sort of like a sticky tape for clothes.
So Kobna's hair is sticky? No, no, no, it's, erm It's not sticky, it's got sort of like like teeth.
- So Kobna's hair has teeth? - No, no, it's curly.
And you call everybody with curly hair "Velcro"? No, no, just Kobna, cos-cos-cos, erm, cos, well, cos his air is, er It's cos he's black.
Am I being a bit racist, Valentine? Mm, a tiny bit.
Oh, bollocks.
Poor little kid.
Why do you think I should call him? - What about Kobna? - No.
Carrot? I'm not being funny, mate, we can't call him that.
Oh, I know.
Erm No, it's worse than Velcro.
Do you mind if I run some names past you? - It will be a pleasure, Mr Don.
- All right.
But I must warn you, I have been white a very long time.
- Chocolate biscuit? - You see this is what I'm talking about.
Do you want a chocolate biscuit? - OK.
- I'm gonna make a cup of tea.
Oh, yes.
Yes.
You have Digestives? - Yeah, course I have.
- Mr Don-Don! I wonder what they're doing out there.
Do you think there'll be sexy firemen? There's bound to be a sexy someone.
Oh, that is it! I can't take this no more.
No.
You and your alarm, you're not doing this to my head.
This, no.
Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Here.
Oh, Jesus Christ! Leave me alone, woman! What is your problem? - Says my problem.
- You know, I didn't want to believe them, but I'm starting to think my aunties were right.
You don't like me because I'm African.
Oh, and there it is.
If you don't like one African, then you must hate them all.
It couldn't be that you're just not very likeable.
I like you, Agnes.
Thank you, Jane, but I'm dealing with a bigot.
Bigot? You say you're Africans? You go on like your shit not stink.
Yeah, well, at least we have a little class.
Class? As your classily while away the day scratching up your batty hole.
Well, at least we know what a toothbrush looks like.
I'll show you what a back foot look like.
What? Speak English, you blouse and skirt! You chatting voodoo again? Ladies, this is silly.
You two of all people shouldn't be fighting.
And why would that be did, Dave? Well, come on I mean, you're both black, right.
You're basically the same.
- He didn't just say - What you think he said? I believe so.
- You want to go first.
- After you.
So, Chinese people and Japanese people are the same to you, Dave? No, of course not.
I mean, there's Bruce Lee and there's Mr Miyagi.
No.
It's my turn, Yvonne.
My turn.
The English and the German.
Are they the same? Oh, no, now that is racist.
You all right? Don't get upset.
What, is it? Melissa and Dean OK? Leon's gone.
- What a twat.
- Language, Timothy.
I'm not upset for me.
She had a dad and now he's gone.
It's like a Disney film written by Stephen King.
Read the letter.
Hello Kirsty, if you're reading this, I've gone.
Nob.
I'll enclose my address so you and Melissa can get hold of me.
Same goes for Bagpipes.
- Yeah, you'll be lucky, mate.
- Just-Just read it.
You're both doing an amazing job.
A job I couldn't do.
I see the people you've put around Melissa.
Strong, hard-working people.
Caring and kind people Hey! You hungry? People who are afraid to stand up for what's right - Uh-uh.
- No? Then you've managed to get someone who has all those qualities.
- Bagpipes.
- Mm.
Tell him that seeing how he is with Melissa has made leaving easier.
That sounds strange, I know.
When Melissa told her teacher I wasn't her dad, she was right.
I'm not.
Bagpipes is.
What are those? Adoption form.
Well, say something.
So, I'll be her dad.
Her-Her real dad.
- Mm-hm.
- Her real dad.
So I've got to get her one of those mastiffs.