Intelligence (2020) s02e05 Episode Script

1
How's it going with Charlotte?
Yeah, really well, I think.
We're kind of in that stage
in our relationship
where I've finally stopped getting
the runs every time we speak, so
And have you, you know,
stormed her castle?
Oh, well, you know.
A gentleman never tells.
Wait, she's a guy?
Boardroom now.
(BEEPING AND INDISTINCT CHATTER)
OK, I'll cut to the chase.
As of 20 minutes ago, Mary's cover
as a triple agent has been blown.
Oh, no!
How many times?
Do we know if the Russians
managed to rebuild Eternal Blue?
Yes, but with the false information
provided by Mary,
it started destroying itself.
Surely that's a good thing.
CHRISTINE: Not quite.
Now they're demanding we give up
the original creator of the weapon
or they'll kill Mary's mum.
But that's me!
Exactly.
That's Mum!
Shh. Hold on.
Are you saying
that you're prepared to sell me out
just to keep
some random old lady alive?
She still does hot Zumba
every Wednesday.
Oh, does she?
Please don't take it personally.
I'd do the same for anyone.
But, Chrissy, do you
really want to toss me off like this?
CHRISTINE: It's not up to you
and it's not up to me.
This comes directly from the top
and sometimes
sacrifices have to be made.
When it comes to a choice
between risking a civilian life
versus an agent's life,
we have to
Consider the age
of the civilian, surely.
You you can't just
throw me under a bus like this.
No-one is suggesting
we throw you under a bus,
more that there might be a bus
heading your way.
Well, fine.
Then what's stopping me
from, you know, jumping on that bus
and, I don't know, eloping with Tuva?
Me?
Fine. Then I'll elope alone.
Does that still count as elope?
No.
You know what? This is bullshit.
Do I not even get a choice?
Of course you get a choice.
On the one hand, you can capitulate,
or you can run away from all this,
putting a civilian life
in imminent danger
while simultaneously
ending your career
and giving me no better reason than
to go public with the NSA scandal
for good measure.
(SIGHS)
Either way,
let's keep this on the low down.
The fewer people that
know about all this, the better.
Know about what?
Nothing!
Oh, my God. Are you guys organising
a surprise birthday party for me?
No, of course not.
Oh, God.
Way to go, Mary.
(KNOCK AT DOOR)
(SIGHS) Oh. Jerry,
I just wanted to check you were OK.
(MOANS)
(DOOR CLOSES)
Oh, dear.
(SIGHS)
Do you want me to get the blinds?
(MUMBLES)
You don't know?
I mean, I can go and get you
something to eat.
Is there anything
I don't know.
We can get married again
if you like.
No!
No. OK.
Oh, I just wanted to see how
you must be feeling awful.
I just keep thinking about everything
they're doing to that poor old woman.
Yeah.
God, I wish she was dead.
You know?
And then I may be next.
Yeah. Well, yeah.
I'm just trying to focus
on the positives.
Well, you have to, really,
don't you?
Just wonder what they are.
I don't know.
Maybe, you know,
pick up a bit of Russian.
(PHONE ALERT CHIRPS)
Yeah. Yeah.
Everything OK?
Yes.
Oh, good.
I don't know.
Just part of me just thinks
none of this would have,
you know, even happened
if I'd have done
what you asked in the first place
and just got the location data
off of Charlotte,
do you know what I mean?
No, buddy, you can't you can't
blame yourself for any of that.
Thanks, man.
Although now that you've said it
out loud, I I totally agree.
I'm sure you'll be fine.
I mean, listen, if anyone's gonna
get through all this, it's you.
Yeah. Cool.
Least you'll go down in history
a hero.
Yay!
Yeah?
See, between us, I'm just
..I'm really not keen
on the whole 'being tortured' thing.
Presumably, you've got
quite a high pain threshold.
Oh, no, I do.
'Cause you were shot, weren't you?
No.
Yeah. You were. You showed me.
It was one of the first things
you showed me, your bullet
Oh, yeah. No, right.
Yeah.
Sorry, that. Yeah. No.
Sometimes I forget how shot I was.
Mmm.
Well, there you go. I can't imagine
it's much worse than that.
Listen, Jerry, would it help if we
just did a little bit of practice?
Like, torture practice?
Yeah. Ju
I mean, just so you're prepared.
Even even if we start
with something really basic.
Yeah. If we start out
with something, like, super-small.
Completely.
Morning.
What the fuck?!
Jerry, don't worry about it.
Think of it as a dress rehearsal.
It's gonna be OK. So, um, Quentin.
Just out of interest,
if you were to get an electric shock
from one of these,
how m how much would it hurt?
Um it would depend on
(BUZZING)
..how wet your body was.
OK. That's good.
And have you ever had
an electric shock from one of these?
Yes, but I'm always wet.
Alright. OK.
That'll be all. Thanks, Quentin.
Want me to?
Yes, please.
Yep.
OK.
(DOOR CLOSES)
Don't worry. I'm sure you'll be able
to handle it. OK? It's just
OK, so I think the key thing here
is that we have a safe word
Yes.
..so that you know when to stop.
What about 'coconut'?
No, uh, I think it has to be a word
that I don't usually use.
'Please'?
What are you what are you doing?!
Just wait for me.
(SIGHS)
Should we do my thumbs?
Yeah, or your nipples.
We'll do my thumbs. OK.
Now, wait for me.
I'm waiting, Jerry.
OK.
Go for it.
You know what?
You want me to do your nipples.
No, I think we should
build up to this by maybe
..uh, how do you feel about
slapping me around a bit?
With the battery?
No. What?! No.
I mean you know, even better.
I think we should start with you.
No. No.
Yeah. Yeah.
No.
Yes!
Because I need to see
how much it hurts first.
Well, I'm guessing
somewhere between, like, a
..a bee sting or a shark attack?
If you I s OK, you know what?
I think we're just
gonna have to find another way.
I'm so sorry.
(SCREAMS)
Why did you? What was that sound?
I don't know.
That was super-scary.
Oh, my God. No! Oh! Did I get you?
No.
OK.
What are you doing? Stop!
Well, you have to say 'coconut'.
No! Coconut, motherfucker! Coconut!
Coconut!
Shall I come back later?
Yeah, OK.
(DOOR CLOSES)
Yeah, we got to find a better plan.
Oh, God, yeah.
Do you think we should
talk to Mary about it?
Damn straight.
This is her fuckin' fault!
Wanted to see me?
Mary. Yes. Hi.
Come please, sit down.
Oh! (LAUGHS)
Oh, are you OK? Oh.
Gosh.
I'll have that chair removed.
Don't think
I've ever been in here on my own.
(LAUGHS)
No. There's a reason for that.
What do you mean?
Doesn't matter.
Um I love your your tops.
Oh!
(LAUGHS) Thank you.
So I just wanted
to check in with you.
Oh, my God! This must be so hard.
Being in here?
No, I mean having to choose
between your mom and me.
God - I mean, if it were me,
I would just be feeling so
..guilty
and personally responsible right now.
I'm just trying
not to think about it.
Yeah, no, that's
that's probably for the best.
I mean, the things they're doing
to your mom right now are just
..unimaginable.
Gosh.
JERRY: Oh. Uh, don't don't look.
Uh, Christine's watching us.
No, don't wave.
Uh, pretend to be upset.
(SOBS)
OK.
So nope, she's back.
(SOBS)
Oh, Mary. No, it it
Yeah, she's gone.
Yeah.
Anyway, all this got me thinking.
As useful as it is to GCHQ
for me to trade places with her,
I mean, wouldn't it be easier on you
if we just took her
out of the equation altogether?
You want me to shoot her?
Well, no - I mean, I just
..I just meant extract her.
But, I mean I mean,
that's that's up to you.
See, if we could
just take away their leverage
and at the same time avoid putting me
in any kind of physical jeopardy,
I mean,
surely that's a win-win, right?
For me?
Yes!
For me for you for yes.
For all for all of us.
Mary.
Do you really want to be responsible
for keeping her there
longer than necessary?
Guess I was just enjoying
being at home
without getting bitten all the time.
Now we just need to find out
where she is.
Oh.
I know exactly where she is.
I don't understand. How long
have you known where she is?
About a week now. I managed
to hack into GCHQ Bude's server.
Does Chris know?
Yes.
We used a written matrix
and 12 coaxial trace algorithms.
Yeah, no,
that's what I would have done.
So is she in Russia?
No.
The food was giving her
a bubbly tummy,
so they moved her
somewhere more local.
But the main thing is
..but the main thing
is that we're all in agreement,
we're getting her back.
Right? She's not that far.
But what do we tell Chris?
Can't you just say that
they found your mom too annoying
and and just gave her back?
I mean, she is quite annoying.
No. They'd just chop her head off.
Really?
Yeah. That's what I'd do.
Look, we can figure out what exactly
we tell Chris after we get her back.
Right now, I just need to know,
are you in?
OTHERS: Yes!
Jerry.
What's going on?
Uh, nothing. It's a surprise.
Is it something to do
with my birthday again?
Yes.
Yep.
MARY AND JOSEPH: Yes.
Yeah.
Actually, we're just trying
to choose a present.
Oh, my God! Guys!
Thank you. (LAUGHS)
Maybe we should get her a cake
or something.
No, fuck that.
How do you want
to secretly extract her?
Two words - brute force.
EVELYN: Is it a car?
Right. Hello.
What the hell are you doing?
Oh, what if someone sees you?
Well, it's fine.
I'm wearing camouflage paint.
But that won't work in here, and
..and with your colouring,
you can barely see it.
Do you think
I should have gone darker?
They wouldn't let me
try any more on in the shop.
They said it was disrespectful.
MARY: Morning!
Shh. Shh.
Yeah.
So where exactly
are they holding her, then?
Uh, not far. Brize Norton.
Oh, where
Crocodiles of the World is.
You guys have crocodiles over here?
They do in Brize Norton, yeah.
What time are we going in?
Immediately.
I want to be in and out
before Chris arrives.
Well, bagsy not driving.
I don't have a licence.
Well, I can't I can't drive.
You guys know we're not
actually going in ourselves, right?
Oh. How, then?
I got us a combat drone.
Alright, seriously, no-one
puts troops on the ground anymore.
It's just not very woke.
So where did you get a combat drone
at such short notice?
Uh, I borrowed it from a
buddy of mine. Don't worry about it.
He, uh he owed me a favour.
Why? What did you do?
I sang at his son's bar mitzvah.
It doesn't matter.
So he lent you a drone?
Yeah. Yeah.
We've always had
that kind of relationship.
Can I meet him?
No, he's, um he's agoraphobic.
Was that tricky at his bar mitzvah?
Uh, no.
It was it was just the two of us.
What, there wasn't even a rabbi?
No, uh, he's
he's actually a rabbi as well.
He was a rabbi at 13?
OK, fine.
I, uh
I helped him kill Osama bin Laden.
Happy?
Cool.
OK?
Joseph, you're on pitch and roll. OK?
Right.
You know what they are, right?
Pitch and roll, yeah.
Uh, as in the, um, hokey-cokey.
OK, Mary, I need you on speed.
Gosh! Really?
Yeah.
Alright, Tuva, you're next to me.
(WHIRRING)
Now, Tuva and I will navigate. OK?
And we're all going to Hey, guys!
We're gonna work in sync.
OK? But, basically, just
just do what I say. OK?
So, where is it now?
It's just behind my hotel,
hidden next to the crematorium.
JOSEPH: And is it big?
It is.
I think it could cremate
up to 100 people at a time.
(WHIRRING)
It's not doing anything.
Yeah, we're not in the area.
Can you please stop doing that?
Yep, yep.
OK.
Now, I'm gonna take north-south.
Are you happy doing east-west?
'Cause I just thought that
would come more naturally to you.
Why?
I don't know.
You just
you just have that look about you.
Uh, Mary
um, do you want to take us up now?
Slowly, pull back on the stick.
(BUZZING)
JERRY: Nice.
There you go.
That's a thing of beauty.
Is that your hotel?
No, that's the crematorium.
Oh, it looks nice.
Right?
OK, Tuva.
Now, two degrees to the east.
And, Joseph, slowly
Yep.
..bank right.
OK. Mm-hm.
JERRY: Alright.
Now, I want you
to pitch forward, Joseph.
Slowly pitch forward.
(WHIRRING)
Let's get some speed up, Mary.
JOSEPH: What kind of speed
should we be aiming for?
Flying a drone
is a bit like having sex.
You don't want to start off too fast
or you'll have nowhere to go.
I'm a bit like that.
You just want to keep going
at a steady pace. Find your rhythm.
No sudden movements or
Or the whole thing
will end in tears.
Or the whole thing will end in
Come on. It wasn't that bad.
(ELECTRONIC BEEP)
(DOOR UNLOCKS)
We gotta be
getting close here, but
Oh, Jesus. Fuck!
Sorry. I think it's nerves.
No, Chris just walked up.
Look. OK, Mary, you're
gonna have to form a distraction.
(STAMMERS)
What do you want me to do?
I-I I don't know. Go! Go improvise.
Uh, Tuva, go with her.
(BUZZING)
OK. Now, don't let go.
Let go?
No, DON'T let go.
Which one?
Both. What are you?
Both of them. What are you doing?
Jerry. Jerry! Jerry!
Don't talk to me.
I know what I'M doing.
Morning, Chris. You're in early.
What's going on? Why are you here?
Oh!
I'm just doing some, um,
last-minute choir practice.
They keep making me re-audition.
Dressed like that?
Yes. The sticks help me
reach the high notes.
And, Tuva?
Vocal coach.
It's five in the morning.
Yeah, she's really bad.
Yes, I am.
Oh. You
you want to hear something?
Oh. Right.
(CLEARS THROAT)
Um
They tried to make me go to rehab
But I won't go, go, go ♪
(BUZZING)
JERRY: This has gotta be it.
Oh. Hey, hey, hey.
Hang on. I think we have company.
Oh! Good grief.
What have they done to her?
What? That's that's not her.
Right.
Sorry, can they can they see
can they see us?
No. It's like Call of Duty. OK, look.
There's a speaker on the drone.
Are you gonna sing something?
No. I don't want them connecting me
to any of this, OK?
You're gonna do it.
Well, what would you like me to say?
Hopefully nothing, OK?
Hopefully nothing. ♪
Plea please.
(TYPES) All I have to do now is
OK. We're live.
Hello.
No. You have to hold down this button
to speak. OK?
(ECHOES) Hello.
What are you?
Just why?
Why would you say "Hello"?
That's too friendly.
Fuck you.
Will you
I didn't know what else to say.
OK. Can you just
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Just say you know who they are
and you know what they're doing.
You know who they are,
and you know what they're
JERRY: Stop. Stop.
Stop.
What are you? Stop.
OK. Here now they're really coming.
JOSEPH: Oh.
JERRY: OK. OK. It's on.
Alright. We'll do it line by line.
Tell them this is GCHQ and this is
their last chance.
This is GCHQ
and this is their last chance.
JERRY: YOUR!
JOSEPH: Your. Your.
What's wrong with you? OK.
Sorry. Sorry.
"We have you surrounded."
We have you sur That's clever.
Shh!
Shh! We have you surrounded.
"Release the hostage."
Release the hostage or
What? There there is no 'or'.
We have no 'or'.
Sorry. Hang on. What?
OK. Fine. "Release the hostage
or we'll fire a missile."
Release the hostage
or we'll fire a nuclear missile.
What? Why why would we fire
a nuclear missile on home soil?
OK, scrap that.
Yes, I've been black ♪
(PHONE RINGS)
But when I come back ♪
Yes?
You will know, know, know ♪
Understood.
I ain't got the time ♪
I'll be sure to let him know.
Good job.
They tried to make me go to rehab
But I won't go
Go, go ♪
I got more. Um
They call me Mr Bombastic,
semi-fantastic ♪
What if they recognise me?
They won't.
Don't say
(DOOR OPENS)
JERRY: Chris.
Hey. No, no, no!
No, no, no!
What on earth
do you all think you're playing at?
OK, Chris, I'm gonna be completely
honest with you right now.
I got a combat drone for my birthday
from a buddy of mine.
He's a 13-year-old rabbi.
And we were all
just having a play. OK?
Then we started to feel so bad
for for poor old Mary's mom.
And so we Tuva,
thought, "Wouldn't it be easier
if we just extracted her?"
And we're all, like"Uh!"
Easier on YOU, you mean.
Whilst at the same time jeopardising
a legitimate rescue mission!
Wait. You were going in after her
the whole time?
You mean you were never intending
to throw me under a bus?
Not THAT bus, no. Do you
really think I'm that cold-hearted?
ALL: Yeah.
If it weren't for the distraction
you caused with the drone,
allowing one of our tactical teams
to move in
and retrieve her, unharmed,
along with destroying all of
the Russian intel on Eternal Blue,
I would seriously be considering
reporting all of this to Rupert,
who expresses his utmost gratitude
for your quick thinking
and innovative approach.
Well, you really should have
let us in on the plan all along.
I had Mary in my office.
CHRISTINE: And risk that information
getting out?
Who knows if anyone else here
has been compromised?
Wait. You think there
still might be a mole working here?
It can't be me! It was me last time.
You'd better all go home
and get changed.
(SIGHS)
Joseph.
Yeah.
A word in my office.
Listen, I know I've been a bit all
over the place these past few days,
but, um
I promise it won't happen again.
I know.
Good. Thank you.
Thank you for being so understanding
all the time.
Because you're fired.
What?
No. No. No.
Look, you don't have to do that.
It's
I do.
No, listen, I get I get it.
You know, you're you're tired.
You haven't had breakfast.
I'd I'd be the same if
if I'd not eaten.
This isn't just about today.
I know, but I bet today didn't help.
No. It's just been endless, Joseph.
I've tried to warn you
so many times.
I know I'm not meant to be dating
someone from GCHQ Bude, but
You've been doing what?!
Sorry. I forgot
that I wasn't meant to say that.
Anything else you'd like to add?
It
..it's actually going really well?
Either way, my decision is final.
No.
No. No, Chris.
I no.
I'm I'm just
I'm I'm I'm begging you.
Just please.
You have till the end of the day.
Surely there must be something
that I can do.
I mean
(SIGHS) ..do you need
your shopping getting or anything?
No.
Well, can you at least
write me a good reference?
No.
If it was too good, people
would wonder why I let you go.
Well, then, why don't I just stay?
No.
Please get out.
I'm about to call
the Secretary of State.
But I don't think she knows who I am.
Not about you, obviously.
Can you at least tell me
everything's gonna be OK?
Everything's going to be OK.
I just don't think it is.
(DOOR CLOSES)
(PHONE BUZZES AND CHIMES)
Oh
..my God!
Thanks, guys.
Be careful with that.
(DING!)
OK.
NOEL COWARD: Hooray, hooray, hooray
Misery's on the way
There are bad times
just around the corner
There are dark clouds
hurtling through the sky
It's as clear as crystal
From Bridlington to Bristol
That we can't save democracy
and we don't much care
We'd better all learn the lyrics
Of the old Red Flag
And wait until we drop down dead. ♪