Keeping Up Appearances s02e05 Episode Script

( theme music playing ) BADUM-BA-BUM-BUM BADUM-BA-BUM-BUM - BABA-DA-BUM-BUM-- - WHAT'S AMUSING YOU? NOTHING.
YOU GOT RID OF THA YOUNG MISSIONARY VERY QUICKLY.
NO PROBLEM.
I SENT HIM NEXT DOOR.
TO HYACINTH? YOU DIDN'T.
IF ANYONE NEEDS A LITTLE CHRISTIAN MISSIONING IT'S HYACINTH.
I KNOW.
BUT THINK OF THE POOR MISSIONARY.
( loud television audio playing ) ( banging ) UH-OH, THE NATIVE DRUMS ARE BEATING.
I THINK YOUR FATHER'S THUMPING ON THE CEILING.
GO UP AND SEE WHAT HE WANTS, HUH, ROSE? SOMEBODY ELSE GO.
I'M IN THE MIDDLE OF AN EYELASH.
IT LOOKS LIKE YOU GO, DAISY.
( banging ) I SHOULD GET A MOVE ON BEFORE HE DROPS IN ON US.
IT'S YOUR TURN NEXT TIME.
I'M EXPECTING A PHONE CALL.
YOU'RE GOT FALSE EYELASHES ON FOR A PHONE CALL? WELL, I'VE GOT MY PRIDE.
( banging ) I'M DYING FOR A CIGARETTE, ONSLOW.
IS THIS NEW BOYFRIEND A SMOKER? NO, HE'S A FITNESS FANATIC.
HE'S VERY MUSCULAR.
THEN SMOKE SOME MUESLIX.
I'M NOT FEEDING YOU ANY MORE CIGARETTES TILL YOU GE A BOYFRIEND WHO SMOKES.
IT'S THE ONLY WAY I'LL EVER GET 'EM BACK.
HE WANTS ME TO STOP SMOKING.
I KNOW THE FEELING.
WHAT DID HE WANT? WE'LL NEVER KNOW.
HE JUST STARTED TELLING ME AND HE FELL ASLEEP AGAIN.
I THINK IT'S ABOUT TIME I WAS ON MY WAY.
NOW, YOU MUSTN'T FEEL YOU'VE FAILED BECAUSE I'VE REFUSED TO PURCHASE YOUR PAMPHLETS.
THIS IS, OF COURSE, ALREADY A CHRISTIAN HOUSEHOLD.
I HAVE NO QUARREL WITH ANYTHING YOU SAY, IT'S MORE YOUR TENDENCY TO BRUSH AGAINST MY WALLS.
I WASN'T AWARE THAT I DID BRUSH AGAINST YOUR WALLS.
NOW, YOU'RE STILL VERY YOUNG AND I QUITE UNDERSTAND THAT YOU LACK THE EXPERIENCE TO REALIZE THAT WHEN THE LORD WANTS YOU TO VISI HOUSES OF THIS CALIBER, HE'LL EXPECT YOU TO WEAR SOMETHING MORE CHRISTIAN IN THE WAY OF SOCKS.
- THEY'RE HARDLY HEATHEN.
- HMM? WELL, IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME? IF, AS YOU INSIST, ONLY A FEW OF US ARE GOING TO BE SAVED, THEN SOCKS LIKE THA MAY COUNT AGAINST YOU.
ONE MORE WORD OF ADVICE.
I'M SURE THE LORD WOULD HAVE NO OBJECTION TO YOUR REMARKING ON THE QUALITY OF THE FURNISHINGS YOU'RE SOMETIMES PRIVILEGED TO ENJOY.
MY QUEEN ANNE CORNER CABINET, FOR INSTANCE, - IS AN EXACT REPLICA OF THE ONE IN SANDRINGHAM HOUSE.
- OH, REALLY.
I WOULD ADVISE YOU TO TRY AND TAKE NOTICE OF THOSE THINGS.
THANK YOU.
I'VE ONLY HAD TO REMOVE MY SHOES ONCE BEFORE.
- OH? - THAT WAS IN A MOSQUE.
AND THEN THE SERMON WAS SHORTER.
WHAT DOES THIS REMIND YOU OF, ONSLOW? HARD LABOR.
DOESN'T IT REMIND YOU OF THOSE DAYS WHEN WE USED TO WALK OUT TOGETHER, PUSHING THE PRAM? YOU SHOULDN'T TALK LIKE THA IN FRONT OF YOUR FATHER.
HE WON'T WANT TO BE REMINDED OF WHY WE HAD TO BRING THE WEDDING FORWARD.
HE'S ASLEEP.
HE'S CRAFTY, HE'S NOT ALWAYS ASLEEP.
YOU USED TO LOOK LOVELY WITH THE PRAM, THE BABY'S LITTLE FEE RESTING ON YOUR BEER BOTTLES.
WILL YOU STOP GETTING ALL SOFT AND DREAMY? YOU'RE ALWAYS GOING ALL SOFT AND DREAMY.
THAT WAS THE MAIN REASON WE ENDED UP WITH THE PRAM IN THE FIRST PLACE.
I CAN'T REALLY STOP, HYACINTH.
OH, YOU'VE TIME FOR A COFFEE, DEAR.
IT'LL SETTLE YOUR NERVES.
THEY'RE NEVER BAD UNTIL I GET ROUND HERE.
DO SIT DOWN, ELIZABETH.
NO, NOT THERE, DEAR, I LIKE TO FACE THE WINDOW.
- HOW'S EMMET? - OH, HE'S FINE.
STILL KEEPING BUSY WITH HIS AMATEUR OPERATIC SOCIETY? OH, YES, VERY BUSY.
DO REMIND HIM IF EVER HE NEEDS A VOICE IN AN EMERGENCY, I SHALL BE VERY HAPPY TO OBLIGE.
THAT'S VERY KIND OF YOU, HYACINTH.
I'LL TELL HIM.
I WAS ALWAYS THE MUSICAL ONE IN THE FAMILY.
IF I HADN' MARRIED RICHARD, I THINK I MIGHT HAVE MADE IT MY CAREER.
SHERIDAN USED TO LOVE TO HEAR HIS MOMMY SING.
EVEN AS A TINY CHILD, WHEN I SANG IT COULD REDUCE HIM TO TEARS.
I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN.
IT WOULD UNNERVE SOME MOTHERS HOW EXCEPTIONAL THAT BOY IS.
OBVIOUSLY DESTINED FOR HIGH PLACES.
I JUST THANK MY LUCKY STARS THAT HE'S BLESSED WITH A MOTHER WHO WILL BE WELL ABLE TO COPE WITH THE DEMANDS OF HIS FUTURE POSITIONING.
YOU KNOW ME, ELIZABETH, I COULD HANDLE ALL HIS ENTERTAINING.
YES, I'M SURE YOU COULD, HYACINTH.
IT MUST BE A GREA COMFORT TO HIM TO KNOW THAT HOWEVER HIGH HE RISES, I SHALL BE THERE BESIDE HIM, READY TO TAKE THE SOCIAL STRAIN.
I'M PREPARED FOR IT, YOU SEE.
IT'S AS IF I'VE BEEN IN TRAINING ALL MY LIFE.
WHEN THE CALL COMES, I SHALL BE THERE.
I KNOW YOU PREFER A BEAKER, ELIZABETH.
YOU DO GET SO NERVOUS WITH MY COLLECTABLE CHINA.
YES I DO.
I REALLY DO.
I DON'T KNOW WHY.
IT NEVER HAPPENS ANYWHERE ELSE.
OH NO, I'M MUCH HAPPIER WITH A BEAKER.
( phone rings ) NOW-- YOU MUSTN'T GIVE I ANOTHER THOUGHT, DEAR.
I'M NOT ONE TO MAKE A FUSS, HOWEVER BADLY IT MARKS ANYTHING.
WON'T HEAR ME COMPLAIN.
WE WERE THINKING OF CHANGING THE RUG, ANYWAY.
THE "BOUQUET" RESIDENCE, THE LADY OF THE HOUSE SPEAKING.
OH, IT'S YOU, VIOLET.
IT'S MY SISTER VIOLET, YOU REMEMBER? THE ONE WITH THE LARGE HOUSE, SAUNA, AND ROOM FOR A PONY.
I REMEMBER.
I'M JUST TALKING TO ELIZABETH.
YOU REMEMBER, THE ONE WHO SPILLS THE COFFEE? YOU SOUND EXCITABLE, VIOLET.
DON'T TELL MY YOU'VE SCRATCHED THE MERCEDES AGAIN? OH, IT'S NOT THE MERCEDES, IT'S BRUCE.
WELL, HOW LONG HAS HE BEEN UP A TREE? OH, BOYS ARE ALWAYS CLIMBING TREES.
YES, I KNOW HE'S 53, BUT THEY NEVER REALLY GROW UP.
I ONCE CAUGHT RICHARD PLAYING WITH A FRISBEE.
HE SAYS IT WAS ONE HE'D FOUND BUT I'VE NEVER BEEN SURE.
SOMETIMES, ON SLEEPLESS NIGHTS WHEN MY HEAD'S SWIMMING WITH THE RESPONSIBILITIES OF ORGANIZING ANOTHER CANDLELIGHT SUPPER-- SOMETIMES I WONDER, DID HE BUY THE FRISBEE? NOW, CALM DOWN, VIOLET.
HAVE YOU ASKED HIM WHY HE'S SULKING UP A TREE? HE WANTS TO WEAR YOUR EVENING DRESS? UP A TREE? OH, HE DOESN'T WAN TO WEAR IT UP A TREE.
HE WANTS TO GO TO A DANCE IN IT.
I'LL BE WITH YOU IN A MINUTE, ELIZABETH.
IF YOU TAKE MY ADVICE, YOU'LL KEEP HIM UP A TREE! HOW MUCH LONGER ARE YOU GOING TO BE? FATHER WANTS TO GO INTO TOWN.
DON'T HASSLE ME WHEN I'M WORKING.
HOW MUCH HAVE YOU LOST? I HATE THE WAY YOU SAY THAT.
I'M STRUGGLING HERE, TRYING TO EARN A DECENT LIVING FOR YOU AND YOUR FATHER-- AND KEEP YOUR ROSE IN CIGARETTES.
WILL YOU GET A MOVE ON? IT'S COLD OUT THERE AND FATHER'S GETTING RESTLESS.
YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'VE DONE NOW, DON'T YOU? YOU'VE RUINED THE ESSENTIAL CONCENTRATION.
YOU'VE UPSE THAT DELICATE BALANCE BETWEEN THE STUDY OF FORM AND INSTINCT.
HE WANTS TO GO INTO TOWN.
HE'S IN A HURRY FOR SOMETHING.
OH, NICE.
I TOLD YOU HE WAS IN A HURRY.
RICHARD, DON'T TELL ME YOU'RE BUSY, THIS IS AN EMERGENCY.
HELP YOURSELF TO A BISCUIT, ELIZABETH! I WANT YOU TO COME HOME AND TAKE ME TO VIOLET'S.
WELL, CAN'T YOU MAKE SOME EXCUSE TO THEM? IT ISN'T AS IF I DEMAND MUCH FROM YOU, RICHARD.
NO, I CAN'T SPEAK ANY LOUDER, IT'S VERY EMBARRASSING.
IT'S BRUCE ON THE LOOSE AGAIN.
WHAT'S THE PROBLEM WITH BRUCE NOW? ( laughs ) NO, I'M SORRY, HYACINTH, FOR A MOMENT, I THOUGHT YOU SAID THAT BRUCE WAS UP A TREE.
OH, HE IS UP A TREE.
WELL, WHAT'S HE DOING UP A TREE? IS HE STUCK? IF HE'S STUCK, YOU REALLY WANT THE FIRE SERVICE.
ALL RIGHT.
ALL RIGHT.
ONLY, COULDN'T YOU ASK ONSLOW TO GO AND GET HIM DOWN? ONSLOW WON' BE IN A MEETING.
IT'S NO GOOD SAYING THAT IT'S IMPOSSIBLE TO MIX BRUCE AND ONSLOW SOCIALLY.
THEY CAN MANAGE FOR THE TIME IT TAKES TO GET DOWN FROM A TREE.
ALL RIGHT.
ALL RIGHT.
I'LL GET AWAY AS QUICKLY AS I CAN.
I THOUGHT I WAS SPEAKING IN A COOPERATIVE TONE.
I ASSURE YOU, HYACINTH, IT WAS MEANT TO BE A COOPERATIVE TONE.
YES, I'LL GET AWAY AS QUICKLY AS I CAN-- IN A COOPERATIVE TONE.
GOODBYE.
UH, SORRY.
A SPOT OF FAMILY TROUBLE.
( muttering ) OH, IT'S UNHEARD OF.
IT'D TRY THE PATIENCE OF A SAINT, WHAT I GO THROUGH.
RICHARD DOESN'T CARE AT ALL ( muttering continuing ) IS ANYTHING WRONG? OH, ELIZABETH.
( laughs ) NO, NO, EVERYTHING'S FINE.
FINISHED ALREADY, DEAR? APPARENTLY.
OH, I'LL MAKE YOU ANOTHER ONE, DEAR.
THIS AFTERNOON WHEN I'VE GOT A LITTLE MORE TIME.
- I'VE GOT TO, REALLY - OH, WELL.
- ESCAPE FROM THIS CRISIS WITH THE FAMILY.
- WELL, I MUST BE GOING.
OH, NO.
SURELY NOT, DEAR.
NO, NO.
NOT THROUGH THE BACK DOOR, DEAR.
NO, GOOD GRACIOUS ME, WHATEVER KIND OF A FRIEND WOULD I BE TO SEND YOU CREEPING OUT THROUGH THE BACK DOOR? NO.
YOU MUST USE THE FRONT, DEAR.
I DON'T MIND THE BACK DOOR, HYACINTH.
BUT I DO, DEAR, FOR MY FRIENDS.
THANK YOU FOR MY COFFEE, HYACINTH.
OH, NOT AT ALL, DEAR.
IT'S JUST A PITY YOU'RE IN A RUSH.
DO LOOK AT THE TULIPS ON YOUR WAY OUT, DEAR.
COME TO THINK OF IT, THE TULIPS IN THE BACK GARDEN ARE FAR SUPERIOR.
THEY'RE DARWIN, YOU KNOW, SHERIDAN'S FAVORITE.
OH REALLY? NOW TAKE YOUR TIME! SHERIDAN TALKS TO THEM FOR HOURS! WELL, GO ON, RING THE BELL.
SHE'S YOUR SISTER, YOU TELL HER.
IT'S YOUR FAULT WE LOST HIM.
YOU TELL HER.
HOW COME IT WAS MY FAULT? YOU'RE THE ONE THAT LEF HIM IN THE STREET.
BECAUSE I HAD TO GO INTO THE BOOKIE'S LOOKING FOR YOU! I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE PANICKING FOR, ANYWAY.
BECAUSE I'VE LOST MY FATHER.
THAT'S WHY.
NO NEED TEARING UP.
SOMEBODY'LL FIND HIM.
I MEAN WHO THE HELL'S GONNA KEEP YOUR FATHER? DAISY, ONSLOW, HOW NICE TO SEE YOU.
WHAT A LOVELY SURPRISE.
ONSLOW, YOU MUST BE FREEZING IN JUST THAT VEST.
PUT THIS ON.
NO, COME ON.
WE CAN'T HAVE YOUR TATTOOS EXPOSED TO THE ELEMENTS.
I'M BOILING.
NO, NO, LOOK AT YOU.
YOU'RE A MASS OF GOOSE-PIMPLES.
NOW WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH AN EMPTY WHEELCHAIR? FUNNY YOU SHOULD SAY THAT.
SO IT'S CLEAR THA THE WEIGHT OF OPINION HERE IS IN FAVOR OF SCHEME "B.
" I'LL GO ALONG WITH THAT.
OBVIOUSLY WHAT WE HAVE TO DO IS START GATHERING AS MUCH SUPPORT AS POSSIBLE.
( phone rings ) - WOULD YOU TAKE THAT? - YEAH.
THE OTHER SCHEME HAS ITS SUPPORTERS.
WE'VE GOT A FIGH ON OUR HANDS.
- WELL, ONE THING-- - AH, IT'S FOR RICHARD.
OH, EXCUSE ME.
IT'S YOUR WIFE AGAIN.
WHAT IS IT, HYACINTH? I SAID THAT I'D GET AWAY AS QUICKLY AS I CAN.
OH, IT'S NOT BRUCE THIS TIME, THEN WHAT IS IT? WHY WOULD THEY ARRIVE WITH AN EMPTY WHEELCHAIR? OH, I SEE.
DOES THIS CANCEL PREVIOUS INSTRUCTIONS? RIGHT, I'LL SEE YOU AT HOME.
WHAT-- I'M SORRY IF I DIDN' SAY GOODBYE PROPERLY LAST TIME.
I DIDN'T INTEND NOT TO SAY GOODBYE PROPERLY.
GOODBYE! SORRY.
ANOTHER SPO OF FAMILY TROUBLE.
WELL, WHERE WOULD MY DADDY HAVE GONE? DON'T ASK ME.
I CAN'T POSSIBLY THINK IN THIS JACKET.
YOU CAN SEE YOUR FACE IN THIS SINK-- UNFORTUNATELY.
I THINK IT'S TERRIBLY CARELESS OF YOU TO LOSE DADDY.
NOBODY'S PERFECT.
YOU CAN'T KEEP THEM IN IF THEY WANT TO ROAM.
WE HAD A BULL-TERRIER THAT WAS JUST THE SAME.
I DON'T THINK I CARE FOR THAT COMPARISON, ONSLOW.
IT CURED HIM WHEN WE HAD HIM DOCTORED.
OR THAT ONE.
WE HAD TO STOP HIM BITING THE POST WOMAN.
NOW, WHAT CONDITION WAS DADDY IN WHEN YOU LOST HIM? ASLEEP.
I GAVE HIM ONE OF HIS PILLS.
YOU DID? SO DID I.
- YOU DIDN'T?! - OH, NO WONDER HE WAS ASLEEP.
POOR DADDY.
LOST IN HIS SLEEP.
IN BETWEEN GOING TO SLEEP HE'S BEEN A BI EXCITABLE ALL MORNING.
I THINK HE HAD TOO MUCH EXCITEMENT LAST NIGH AT THE SENIOR CITIZENS' CLUB.
WHAT KIND OF EXCITEMENT? IS IT PROPER AT DADDY'S AGE TO BE HAVING EXCITEMENT? ALL I CAN SAY IS, HE CAME HOME WITH A SMILE ON HIS FACE A LOT LIKE WE USED TO SEE ON OUR BULL-TERRIER.
WELL, I THINK WE OUGHT TO FIND OU IF THE SENIOR CITIZENS' CLUB HAVE ANY IDEA WHERE HE IS.
THOSE BISCUITS ALONE! REGISTRY OFFICE?! WELL, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK HE'S HEADING FOR THE REGISTRY OFFICE? WELL, SHOULD HE BE PROPOSING AT THE SENIOR CITIZENS' CLUB? I THOUGHT ALL THEY DID WAS TO PLAY BINGO.
YES, YES, AS SOON AS I CAN.
I THINK I'D BETTER, EH-- YES, I THINK YOU'D BETTER, RICHARD.
ANOTHER SPOT OF-- All: FAMILY TROUBLE? ARE YOU GOING INTO TOWN? COULD YOU GIVE ME A LIFT? IT'S RATHER URGENT.
YES, ON BOTH COUNTS.
OH, GOOD.
THANK YOU.
YOU SAID, "YES.
" I DON'T BELIEVE IT! YOU SAID, "YES.
" WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY NO? YOU CAN'T SAY NO.
YOU CAN, REALLY.
I'VE DONE IT.
AND LOOK WHERE YOU FINISHED UP-- DIVORCED.
I'LL JUST PARK AROUND THE FRONT.
IF YOU GIVE HER A LIFT, SHE'LL SING AT ME.
SHE WON'T SING AT YOU.
SHE'S IN SOME KIND OF PANIC.
I'LL GO TO THE REGISTRY OFFICE.
YOU FOLLOW WITH THE WHEELCHAIR.
CAN I TAKE THE JACKET OFF, NOW? NO! SHE GETS OU IF SHE SINGS AT ME.
WHERE TO, HYACINTH? OH, JUST TO TOWN, DEAR.
A LITTLE PERSONAL BUSINESS I WON'T BOTHER YOU WITH.
OH, ISN'T THAT RICHARD OUTSIDE THE REGISTRY OFFICE? NO, I SHOULDN' THINK SO.
WHAT ON EARTH WOULD RICHARD BE DOING OUTSIDE THE REGISTRY OFFICE? - YES IT IS.
IT'S RICHARD.
- HMM? OH, SO IT IS! OH, I EXPECT HE'S HERE ON COUNCIL BUSINESS.
ORGANIZING SOMETHING.
YOU MIGHT AS WELL PUT ME DOWN HERE, ELIZABETH.
THANK YOU, LIZ.
THERE YOU ARE.
YOU SEE, SHE DIDN' SING AT YOU.
I COULD FEEL HER WANTING TO.
ALL THE WHILE SHE WAS IN THE CAR I COULD FEEL HER SUPRESSING IT.
WE OUGHT TO PLAN THIS A LITTLE.
LET'S NOT GO IN BALD-HEADED.
I DON'T THINK I CARE FOR YOUR ATTITUDE, RICHARD.
YOU'VE NO BUSINESS TO BE SO CALM WHEN SOME UNSCRUPULOUS FEMALE IS MANEUVERING DADDY TO THE STEPS OF THE ALTAR.
AHHH! OH, CAN YOU GIVE ME A HAND WITH HIM? MADAM, I WILL NO LIFT A FINGER TO ASSIST YOU TOWARDS MATRIMONY WITH THIS MAN.
- HE'S IN NO FIT CONDITION-- - NOW, NOW, LET'S NOT GET EXCITED.
- I THINK HE'S JUST ASLEEP.
- YOU OUGHT TO BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF, FORCING DADDY INTO MARRIAGE, WHEN YOU CAN SEE HOW UNINTERESTED HE IS IN THE DEMANDS OF THE FLESH.
WHAT IS SHE TALKING ABOUT? IF IT'S ALL THE SAME, I OUGHT TO GET BACK.
I HAD TO LEAVE A MEETING.
BUT YOU CAN' GO NOW, RICHARD.
I WANT YOU TO PREFER CHARGES AGAINST THIS WOMAN.
- ON WHAT GROUNDS? - KIDNAPPING.
IF I HADN'T ARRIVED IN THE NICK OF TIME, YOU WOULD'VE WHIPPED HIM AWAY INTO WEDLOCK.
OH, WHAT'S THE WOMAN TALKING ABOUT? MADAM, I AM THE REGISTRAR.
I LIKE YOU IN THE JACKET, ONSLOW.
WHAT, THIS JACKET? ANY JACKET.
SMART.
YOU'RE GOING BROODY AGAIN.
YOU USED TO WEAR A JACKE WHEN WE WERE COURTING.
EVERYONE WORE A JACKE IN THOSE DAYS.
EVEN THE SCRUFFS WORE JACKETS.
THAT'S HOW YOU COULD TELL THEY WERE SCRUFFS, THEY HAD HOLES IN THEIR JACKETS.
THESE DAYS-- WELL, YOU CAN'T TELL WHO'S A SCRUFF.
OUR HYACINTH CAN TELL.
IF YOU WERE MARRIED TO OUR HYACINTH, YOU'D ALWAYS WEAR A JACKET.
IF I WAS MARRIED TO YOUR HYACINTH, I'D BE WEARING EARPLUGS.
( mumbling ) OH, THANK GOODNESS.
JUST IN TIME.
IS HE MARRIED? OF COURSE HE'S NOT MARRIED.
HE WAS ASLEEP.
PROBABLY SAVING HIMSELF FOR THE HONEYMOON.
( laughs ) WE CAN DO WITHOU REMARKS LIKE THAT, THANK YOU, ONSLOW.
WHAT WAS SHE LIKE? - WHAT WAS WHO LIKE? - THE BRIDE-TO-BE.
SHE NEVER TURNED UP.
THAT'S A BIT CASUAL, MISSING YOUR WEDDING DAY.
WHEEL THE CHAIR, WILL YOU, ONSLOW? I OUGHT TO GIVE ONSLOW A HAND, TAKE A TURN WITH THE WHEELCHAIR.
RICHARD, DON'T GE TOO CLOSE.
I KNOW THEY'RE MY FAMILY, AND YOU KNOW I LOVE THEM DEARLY, BUT JUST IN CASE ANY FRIENDS ARE PASSING I'D LIKE JUST TO KEEP THA OUR LITTLE SECRET.
IT'S NICE TO KNOW THAT YOU LOVE THEM, ANYWAY.
KEEP YOUR VOICE DOWN, RICHARD.
( horn honks ) - OH, NO.
- CAN WE GIVE YOU A LIFT, AGAIN? OH, GREAT.
LET'S JUST GE YOUR FATHER OUT.
I WILL NO HAVE ONSLOW DRAPING DADDY OVER WALLS LIKE THIS.
DON'T MAKE A SCENE.
- IT SHOULD FIT IN THERE.
- YEAH, IT'S ALL RIGHT.
IT'S VERY NICE OF YOU, LIZ.
- I DON'T BELIEVE YOU'VE MET ONSLOW AND DAISY.
- NO, HOW DO YOU DO? JUST LET'S GE INTO THE CAR.
- IT'S VERY NICE OF THEM TO GIVE US A LIFT.
- BUT WHERE TO? WE CAN'T LET THEM TAKE DADDY TO ONSLOW'S! WE CAN'T LET LIZ AND EMMET SEE HOW DAISY AND ONSLOW LIVE.
THERE ISN'T ROOM ENOUGH FOR ALL OF US.
ME AND DAISY WILL WALK.
THAT'S THE NICEST THING ONSLOW'S EVER SAID.
YOU CAN HAVE YOUR JACKE BACK NOW, DICKY.
NO! KEEP IT ON! RICHARD WANTS YOU TO KEEP IT.
YES I DO.
I'D LIKE YOU TO KEEP IT.
IT DOESN'T FIT.
YOU LOOK SMART IN IT.
DON'T LIE.
SHE'S GOING BROODY AGAIN.
AH! ( laughing ) JUST GET YOUR FATHER IN THE CAR AND LET ME GO BACK TO WORK! HOW CAN YOU THINK OF GOING BACK TO WORK WHEN ONSLOW'S THROWN DADDY OVER A WALL? ( engine starts ) I NEVER REALIZED YOUR FATHER HAD RUBBER SOLES.
HE'S ALWAYS HAD RUBBER SOLES.
NO WONDER HE KEEPS CATCHING MRS.
FURGESON WHEN SHE'S HANGING THE WASHING OUT.
HE'S A SOUND SLEEPER.
IT'S SIMPLY WEAR AND TEAR.
POOR DADDY HAD A GREAT MIND IN HIS DAY.
HE WAS MUCH RESPECTED IN MUSICAL CIRCLES.
I EXPECT THAT'S WHERE MY GIFT COMES FROM.
WHERE TO, HYACINTH? WHERE TO, INDEED.
I OFTEN ASK THE SAME THING OF RICHARD.
"WHERE ARE WE GOING, RICHARD?" I ASK.
"WITHER ARE WE BOUND?" WHAT DOES RICHARD SAY? NOT A LOT REALLY.
I MEANT WHERE TO WITH YOUR FATHER, HYACINTH? HMM? WHERE DO YOU WANT HIM DROPPING OFF? OH, DADDY? TAKE THE FIRS RIGHT, HERE.
FIRST RIGHT? WHERE ARE WE GOING? WE'LL TAKE HIM TO VIOLET'S.
IT'S A MORE APPROPRIATE HOUSE.
DAISY AND ONSLOW CAN PICK HIM UP LATER.
Hyacinth: THANK YOU, LIZ.
THAT WAS VERY KIND OF YOU.
OH, LOOK.
THERE'S BRUCE'S HUGE MERCEDES.
I'LL GE THE WHEELCHAIR OUT.
OH! RICHARD, WOULD YOU--? OH.
- I'VE JUST THOUGH OF SOMETHING.
- UM? SUPPOSING BRUCE IS STILL UP A TREE? OH, MY GOODNESS.
I'D FORGOTTEN THAT.
OH, PLEASE, DON'T LE BRUCE BE UP A TREE.
RICHARD, WOULD YOU GET DADDY INTO THE WHEELCHAIR? I'LL JUST LET VIOLE KNOW THAT WE'RE HERE.
DON'T RUSH.
"Camptown Races") YOUR EVENING DRESS.
THIS IS MY BES EVENING DRESS.
THAT'S WHY I WANT IT.
OH, WHY CAN'T YOU-- THERE'S NOTHING THE MATTER WITH ME! UH! THERE! - THAT'S DONE IT.
- OH, WELL DONE.
IT'S HUMILIATING, BRUCE.
NICE CLOTHES.
Violet: BUT THEY'RE WOMEN'S CLOTHES.
THAT'S A SEXIST REMARK.
HE'S FALLING OUT.
NO, NOT REALLY, IT'S JUS AN IMPRESSION HE GIVES.
( panting ) I THOUGHT I HEARD A WILLOW WARBLER.
DID YOU HEAR A WILLOW WARBLER? IT'S ONE OF MY ABSOLUTELY ALL-TIME FAVORITE SONGSTERS.
IT'S A GREAT FAVORITE OF DADDY'S, TOO, WHEN HE'S AWAKE.
MY SISTER'S CLEARLY BUSY AND THERE'S NO ONE AT HOME.
SO THERE'S NOT MUCH POIN IN HANGING AROUND.
COME ON, LET'S GE DADDY INTO THE CAR.
THAT'S IT.
THERE WE GO, SAFELY-- ( tree falls ) - WHAT WAS THAT? - I TOLD YOU, IT'S A WILLOW WARBLER.
IT'S THE MATING SEASON.
NOW, WE MUST GET DADDY INTO THE CAR.
I'D FORGOTTEN IT WAS TUESDAY.
VIOLET'S ALWAYS BUSY ON TUESDAY.
SHE FINDS IT SO TIME CONSUMING BEING WEALTHY.
ESPECIALLY ON A TUESDAY.
DON'T HOLD DADDY IN THAT POSITION, RICHARD.
I THINK WHAT WE'LL DO IS TO TAKE DADDY IN THIS DIRECTION.
HE'S ALWAYS LIKED THIS DIRECTION.
( theme music playing )