King of The Nerds (2013) s02e05 Episode Script
Trek Wars
Previously on "King of the Nerds" With the teams unbalanced, the Titans of Rigel were thrown into tumult.
One of your team members must join Midas Touch Attack.
I am on the island of misfit nerds.
But even with roboticist Katie's help I can't fix that.
Midas Touch Attack was crushed for the third time in a row in the nerd war.
You're out! Crash and burn.
Fantasy writer Zack attempted to sway his team.
The Titans will never vote Katie into a Nerd-Off.
We have to do it.
But for the third time, he was sent into the Nerd-Off, this time against inorganic chemist Nicole.
Challenge accepted.
In an epic Nerd-Off of Zombie KerPlunk, - Zack pulled off another victory.
- Well, that sucked, didn't it? And Nicole's hopes for being crowed King of the Nerds were left for dead Or were they? Yes.
Yes.
They were.
Food! Okay, guys, I think the first thing we need to do is have a toast to Nicole with her - Her favorite green beverage.
- Green caffeine! I've sworn off caffeine years ago, and I'm even going to have some right now.
I have done it again! But this one's at the expense of my best friend in the house, so it kind of sucks.
This feels like that same heart-sinking feeling when you're playing "World of Warcraft" and you have a friend get kicked out of your guild.
I'm gonna go, guys.
I'll be back.
Hasta luego.
Yo, guys.
What the heck? Oh, my God.
What the heck happened? No one can beat him.
Hey, I got to give it to him, man.
He's pretty good at this stuff, but I wish that kind of luck and skill was used during our nerd wars rather than our nerd-offs.
Now that he's lost, like, his really only friend here, is this gonna be better or worse, do you think? The easiest way to make Zack happy is to win, - so you guys have to take one for the team here.
- Nope.
It's a new day, and I'm looking forward to seeing what the next nerd war is.
I would love for the nerd war to be something that plays to my personal strengths.
Let's play hockey.
Let's rebuild a car.
Katie, is that you? No, it's Xander.
What are you doing in the girls' bathroom?! I have conquered this bathroom for mankind! Leave the seat down, please.
Always do.
Calling all nerds! Please join us in the courtyard! Oh, what does this mean? This is obviously going to be an accounting challenge.
If this is business, I'm good with that.
I do have a lot of marketing and merchandising experience that I've been very successful at, so I could do a business challenge.
Today, you will prepare for the second annual "King of the Nerds" - Debate! - Yes! I have debated throughout all of high school.
I did policy debate, I dabbled in Lincoln-Douglas debate, so I have a ton of debating experience.
This time, your topic will be the debate that you have been having your entire lives.
"Star Trek" vs.
"Star Wars.
" - "Star Trek"! - All righty.
Oh [Bleep.]
I have not seen "Star Wars.
" I have not seen "Star Trek.
" This is gonna be a hard one.
Oh, my.
Set phasers to fun.
The debate will consist of three rounds, each with its own topic.
Now, team Titans of Rigel, you have four team members, so you're going to have to decide which member of your team is going to be sitting out the debate.
We will now do rock-paper-scissors to decide which universe each team will be defending.
One team member from each team, step forward, please.
I want "Star Trek" because I know everything about it.
I'm Janeway W.
W.
J.
D.
What would Janeway do? Kick your ass.
Our rock-paper-scissors champ.
I guess I'll give it a shot.
Zack has won every single rock-paper-scissors competition on this show, which is a statistical anomaly.
He spits in the face of statistics.
Okay.
Beat you.
King Roshambo has returned.
So, Zack, which side would you choose to defend? I need to go ask my team, then.
I've been obsessed with "Star Wars" my whole life.
I think we want "Star Wars" 'cause they know a little bit of both.
I was princess Leia for Halloween when I was 22, and I made a slave Leia costume.
I think maybe if we're pro "Star Wars," then you be able to counter their "Star Trek" arguments - because you know "Star Trek.
" - That is accurate.
The purple team wants "Star Trek.
" If we had "Star Wars," Kayla would flip.
- Yeah, let's do "Star Wars.
" - Okay.
Your decision? I guess we're gonna go with "Star Wars.
" Titans of Rigel will be defending "Star Trek.
" - Qapla'! - Qapla'! It's Klingon for "success.
" You may return to Nerdvana.
- To the war room! - To the war room! Let's go! - Aaaah! - Oh, my God.
What do we got, guys? "Trek" vs.
"Wars.
" Number one - I don't know what a Borg is, so - You don't? Well, I know lots with that.
Number three Why would they say that? Why would they even say that? "Star Wars" vs.
"Star Trek"! We've been preparing for this our entire life.
The first thing we have to do is decide who is sitting out.
- He has debate experience.
- But you've got the debate skill.
We need that.
And I love "Star Trek.
" - I volunteer to sit out.
- Accepted! I know very little about "Star Trek.
" I've seen like an episode or two.
I get some of the inside jokes 'cause I look them up on Wikipedia.
Oh, you're wearing the red shirt! You're expendable.
Plus, if we lose, it's not my fault and I don't go into the Nerd-Off.
We got things like the car maneuver and Riker Maneuver, which we're using the light technology to win in a dogfight.
That was the Battle of Maxia, right there, against the Ferengi.
"Star Trek" is a passion.
It's been with me since I was about 2 years old.
That's how I meet most of my friends when I move to a new city, is I join "Star Trek" clubs, and I'm active at "Star Trek" conventions.
Okay, I know my facts.
I just don't know debate.
So that's where I'm, like, going, "eeeh " First thing you do is, you re-state your topic.
There is a ton of pressure on Kayla right now.
"Star Trek" is her thing.
The Enterprise-D could withstand eight hits by the photon torpedo.
That's shields.
You're talking about weapons.
I hate debate! This is why I didn't do debate.
I could very well be the weakest link just because I'm not familiar with how to debate.
I got to figure this out.
Oh, my God.
Gah! So, Enterprise vs.
Millennium Falcon I'm gonna cover that one.
I was a debate champion in middle school, so I'm very good at putting together arguments and stating my case.
Empire vs.
Borg Zack is doing that.
I'm very confident in my debating skills, but I'm talking about the Borg, and the Borg do not have a prominent role in the original series, and the original series is really what's close to my heart in "Star Trek.
" And the universe debate is going to be Jack.
What is an Enterprise? What's the Millennium Falcon? Jack doesn't know either "Star Wars" or "Star Trek.
" It's unreal.
This seems like it might be a death blow to Jack because he can't really bring up facts and things that he needs to make his case.
What is "Star Trek: The motion picture"? Is it the same as "Star Trek" or ? So, what is a rebel alliance, exactly? The rebels are just a group who are fighting against the Empire.
Jack, basically, has absolutely no knowledge of either "Star Trek" or "Star Wars.
" So, why does Luke become a Jedi? Luke becomes a Jedi because he meets Ben Kenobi, who explains how strong The Force is in Luke.
Okay, so they think that Luke is the chosen one.
The Force only chooses you, technically, 'cause the mitochondria thingies.
Zack was a great help to me.
He explained to me the plot of "Star Wars," which is pretty necessary, I think.
- Luke doesn't know that she's his sister, right? - Nope.
I think I am Zack's only friend.
Katie's not really a part of the team.
She is still interested in the purple team.
What was your reasoning behind picking "Star Wars"? I have no idea about "Star Trek," so I picked something I could actually argue on.
"Star Wars" has puppets, and it has Mace Windu, who is my favorite Jedi.
- Had you guys picked "Star Trek" - We would have been so screwed.
I thought you might have been trying to throw something there.
I am not trying to throw the challenge.
I just think it's really clear that "Star Wars" is the better franchise.
I've never seen any "Star Trek.
" I'm gonna start writing an argument down.
Flow-charting and everything is gonna be fun.
I'm feeling good about this debate.
I'm gonna actually try to make the most of it.
I'm liking everything you're saying right now.
The only concern I have is that make sure we're delivering it.
Like, talk good, you know? You're good at talking.
You have that sexy accent.
I think that this is the one where we're gonna win again because Jack has this great argument in terms of which "universe" is better.
I can even tell the judges myself - that I don't actually know anything about the "Star Wars.
" - You shouldn't say that.
Never, ever, ever, ever say that.
Kayla, you really look the part.
You look like a debater.
Confidence is what you got.
In this corner with gold shorts, you have "Star Wars.
" Let's go to the debate! In this corner with purple shorts, you've got "Star Trek.
" Time's run out.
Let's do this, boys.
Let the debate begin! Welcome, everyone, to the second annual "King of the Nerds" debate! Midas Touch Attack, you're about to be slaughtered like the Klingons at Khitomer.
And now let's introduce our judges.
Please welcome back the head of the USC Debate and Forensics program Gordon Stables! I'm so glad that we actually have a debate coach in the judging panel because Chris fine-tuned everybody's arguments and I think he'll appreciate that.
Please welcome comedian and host of uber nerdy podcast "The Indoor Kids," Kumail Nanjiami.
Kumail is hilarious.
It is an honor to be, like, in the same room as him.
And, finally, a man who needs no introduction "Star Wars" royalty Billy Dee Williams! Lando Calrissian is here.
Admittedly, he's batting for the wrong team, but it's awesome.
I have no idea who any of these judges are.
Matter of fact, I would rather have them pick three random people 'cause they might not know enough about "Star Wars" or "Star Trek," so we would be in the same kind of boat.
- Our first topic is - Robert? Actually, it's not me.
Darn it! And it is Kayla vs.
Katie.
Kayla is about to whip out a bat'leth and go Klingon on Katie.
For the purpose of this debate, I chose to use the Enterprise-D.
I do not accept the new "Trek.
" The Enterprise-D has deflector shields in a high-capacity grid fashion, using multiple frequencies.
- The Millennium Falcon has laser canons.
- Whoo.
The Enterprise-D has over 1,000 personnel on it.
The amount of crew versus the four members on the Millennium Falcon Gives the Enterprise-D more depth, more training, less fatigue issues if it's a long-term battle.
She's hitting a lot of the same points I'm going to be hitting.
The Enterprise-D would definitely SWAT and kill the tiny, little mosquito called the Millennium Falcon and her crew in a dogfight.
But I was really hoping to kind of engage the audience and get their attention a little bit more because we clearly both really know our stuff about these ships.
The Millennium Falcon, a modified YT-1300 cargo ship, piloted by a stuck-up, half-witted, scruffy-looking nerf herder and his trusty wookiee sidekick may pale in comparison to the overwhelming size and grandiosity of the U.
S.
S.
Enterprise of the "Star Trek" franchise, but the Falcon can fly circles around the Enterprise, especially when the latter is diverting all power to shields.
The Enterprise's phasers are directionally mounted and can't target easily a smaller moving object like the Falcon.
The maneuverability advantage that this grants the Falcon is shown in the hoth asteroid-field scene in episode 5 of "Star Wars," which they survived at the odds of 3,720 to 1 against.
Katie is going so fast.
Her pitch must have gone up in speed with, like, the doppler effect.
In conclusion, the Millennium Falcon is the superior ship when it comes to single combat, and, of course, you should always let the wookiee win.
Katie comes out with basically the same kind of facts level that Kayla has, but more passion, more fire.
You can tell that Katie's a good debater.
Of course, you know, lando owned that ship originally.
However, in terms of offense and defense, who's better off? I think I'm biased, but I believe I think he is, too.
If the Falcon actually wanted to run away from the battle, it could do so.
- It would really just be - But why would it want to run? I mean, it would just be getting in real quick, disabling its missiles, and getting out.
That being said, the Enterprise is not designed for a universe in which there are plasma weaponry.
I would like to point out that Klingons and Romulans used plasma as part of their phaser disrupters.
Touch".
Kayla puts the smackdown on Katie about plasma weapons.
Pop! Pop! Judges, you have deliberated and selected a winner.
Who won this round of the debate? This one was very close, but after careful consideration, we have decided the winner is Katie.
The discussion really came down to Katie's perspective that the Millennium Falcon would keep sniping infinitely.
I'm probably going to be kicked out of my fan club, the U.
S.
S.
Cumberland, 'cause I just embarrassed them.
But, you know, I must say, they kept talking about how that little ship could just attack and run away, which isn't a dogfight.
That's terrorism.
Moving on to topic two.
Zack vs.
Chris.
Zack, you may begin.
The Empire is a far more dangerous enemy than the Borg with greater span, speed, and firepower.
The power of totalitarianism is clearly a stronger means of control than assimilation.
It is the most dangerous thing you can do to establish an empire that people want to be a part of.
I think Zack's holding it together pretty well.
We might actually be doing a good job here.
The Empire also far outclasses the Borg in their sheer firepower.
In terms of danger, danger is blowing up alderaan with 20 billion trillion megatons of force.
That is danger.
I can't believe that he's left out the sith.
The Empire has Jedi powers at its disposal.
Chris, you may begin.
To help the scope of this debate, I'm going to define the word "dangerous" for us.
It's the ability to cause harm or injury a quote from Governor Tarkin from the "Star Wars" universe, who says, "they want to rule through fear rather than force itself.
" The entire Galactic Empire does not want to cause any injury.
They merely want to cause fear, and that's not dangerous in itself.
The Borg themselves want to eradicate entire species.
They want to assimilate into their own culture, therefore, not allowing it to exist outside of their collective.
It is clearly logical that the Borg are a much more dangerous entity than the entire Galactic Empire.
Sorry, gold team.
The Force isn't with you today.
How about them tribbles? Zack, you gave a fantastic presentation talking about weaponry and technology.
But one farm boy from Tatooine, and then one ship later, destroys all of it twice? How dangerous is this technology really? - The technology is extremely dangerous.
- I disagree with that.
The Borg collective is much more adaptable to weapons.
They cannot adapt against strong enemies.
In "Endgame," Captain Janeway is blasting Borg ships left and right.
So, clearly, if you take one out with one hit, the Borg adaptation is worthless.
Billy Dee, who won this round of the debate? After deliberating, the choice is Chris.
I won that debate fair and square.
Zack will argue that I didn't, but he's not a debater.
I don't think he even understands what happened today.
Chris' discussion of what it meant to be dangerous was a step beyond just the technology and the weaponry.
If the judges cannot understand that blowing up Alderaan is more dangerous than the Borg, then they're deaf or blind or both, perhaps.
We come to the third and final topic which will determine the winner of this debate.
Easy.
It's all up to me and my zero "Star Trek" and "Star Wars" knowledge.
I mean, I still don't know what an Ewok is.
Jack, you may begin.
We're tied one to one.
Here it is "Star Trek," "Star Wars" for debating supremacy.
Jack, you may begin.
Engage.
All right, the "Star Wars" universe is not only better than the "Star Trek" universe, it is objectively better than the "Star Trek" universe, and I'm gonna use cold, hard facts to explain it all.
Jack has never seen "Star Wars" or "Star Trek," so his argument's completely based on statistics.
"Star Wars" franchise is worth $33 billion.
To keep that in perspective, North Korea, as a country, has a GDP of $22 billion.
In fact, "Star Wars" makes more money on video games alone than "Star Trek" has ever made.
Jack is something of a crowd pleaser, and he's taking a big risk that could pay off for him.
I did some data mining and some statistical analysis.
I looked up the number of likes "Star Wars" has on Facebook, and it has 10.
4 million likes.
And "Star Trek," on the other hand, only has 2.
9 million likes.
So, more people find joy into immersing themselves in the "Star Wars" universe.
Therefore, "Star Wars" is objectively better than "Star Trek.
" You're missing the point, Jack.
If popularity means so much, why do we have an electoral college? Jack is having an incredible debate, and Brian is just there completely dumbfounded, not knowing how he's going to actually go against this.
Brian, you may begin.
What does it mean to have a better universe? I'll be arguing this based on Robert heinlein's definition of science fiction, as "realistic speculation about possible future events.
" Let's look at the science first.
"Star Trek" has pre-staged many scientific inventions, from the 3.
5-inch floppy disk that originally appeared in "Star Trek: The Original Series" to the tricorders that we now call smartphones.
"Star Trek" also demonstrates a profound respect for science.
Consider the TNG episode "The Measure of a Man," which debates whether an android should be afforded human rights.
These are debates that we are having now or will have in the near future.
Brian's presentation is flawless.
"Star Trek" changes society, and I think that makes the better universe, which is tough for me to say because I'm a "Star Wars" fan.
"Star Wars'" only contribution to society is to line George Lucas' pockets with profit.
And while Ferengi may appreciate that, we humans should demand more.
Thank you.
In defense of George, he certainly changed the face of moviemaking.
I don't hate George at all.
I think he's a very successful man.
My opponent, however, thinks that he's just an evil guy who's trying to fill his pockets with money.
I said nothing of the sort.
The social function was to fill his pockets with money.
I make no judgement as to whether that's good or bad.
Brian, you focused a lot on the sociological aspects of "Star Trek.
" "Star Trek" had the first interracial kiss on TV, whereas "Star Wars" had a brother and a sister making out.
You said it, not me.
So, how do you defend against that, Jack? Well, actually, the thing is, I have not seen either "Star Wars" or "Star Trek," So I actually do not know this is all from my Like, this entire debate was all of my statistical research about these two.
I'm so mad right now.
You should watch "Star Wars" and "Star Trek.
" How stupid can you be, Jack? Why would you say that? Duly noted, duly noted.
Judges, you may consult amongst yourselves.
This was a "damned if you do, damned if you don't" situation because it's bad to tell the judges you don't know anything, but it's worse to make up an answer that you know is wrong.
Gordon.
In the end, we decided that the better job was done by Brian.
Titans of Rigel You have won this nerd war! Winning today is not just a win for the Titans.
It's a win for "Star Trek," and that is something that we desperately need.
And your reward is that you will be having dinner with the original cast of "Revenge of the nerds," including Curtis and me.
I think it's very cool.
I mean, these are the founding fathers of the nerd culture.
Teen Midas Touch Attack, two of your members will be selected for the Nerd-Off tomorrow.
We are kind of a cursed team.
We are the Chicago Cubs of Nerdvana.
- And thank you! - I had a ridiculously difficult choice to make because Jack was beyond horrible! But if I put Jack into the Nerd-Off, it guarantees me to be voted into the Nerd-Off because the other team is never gonna vote for Katie because Katie's still on their side.
I think, really, we have to stick together 'cause there's no other way we have a chance of winning.
It doesn't matter if we have to lose every Nerd-Off.
- We're gonna stay, and we're gonna win.
- Yep, gotcha.
I know in order for my own survival, I have to let Zack be my ally.
It's all about survival because for the first time in Nerdvana, my ass is on the line.
I think you have a really strong chance of being on this one.
Yeah, I know, and we're gonna vote Katie in.
He doesn't want to go against me because not only am I more knowledgeable at Sci-Fi than Katie, I've also survived three nerd-offs.
It doesn't matter if we're going to lose We're not gonna repeat it, though, 'cause Katie could walk down at any second.
Our reward is dinner with the original cast of "Revenge of the nerds.
" Congratulations! Kayla.
Kayla, give me a hug! - I'm Julia! - Hi, Julia! Little caesars pizza, nerds, wine anything better than that? - Let's eat.
- Yeah! It's hot and ready.
I like it hot and ready.
Mr.
Armstrong.
Why, thank you so much, Brian.
These are the guys that inspired us to become nerds.
Oh, I don't even know what to say.
It's amazing.
Before "Revenge of the nerds," you really never heard the term "nerd.
" For some reason, it stuck.
- We love you guys.
- You hear that? They love us.
Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! They understood us.
We understood them.
It was a great bonding experience with those guys.
- Your belching situation - Yes.
- Was that you? - It was not me.
Even I didn't know that.
That was the sound of a camel achieving orgasm.
In terms of voting, what are you actually leaning towards? I'm probably gonna vote for you.
I just wanted to tell you because, honestly, I was never told and I want to afford you that decency.
I appreciate knowing, definitely.
Even though I'm the only one on the team who scored a point, I'm gonna be voted into the Nerd-Off by my team.
They would rather kick out an original purple team member because the immediate game is more important than their long-term survival.
- What's wrong? - My team's voting me into the Nerd-Off.
Dang.
Well, we thought that eventuality might happen.
Katie, technically, is part of the gold team.
However, her loyalties still remain with the purple team, and we've all agreed that we want to be the final five.
The only way we can ensure that happens is if Zack and Jack are in this Nerd-Off.
- Jack, sit in on this mess.
- All right, sure.
Why not? So, I'm gonna reason with you, Jack.
Zack can sit in, as well.
We'll talk real talk, guys.
- All right, sure.
- I'll lead the discussion.
So we're most likely gonna send the weaker of you two to keep Katie in this game.
Basically, what we're saying, Jack, is we're voting you in, and we're trying to convince you not to vote Katie in.
I think that Zack is a stronger player in both nerd-offs, - in general, and also in science fiction.
- But not in team competitions.
Because I know so little about science fiction, I don't think I can beat Zack.
In almost every individual Nerd-Off, I would rather face Katie than Zack unless it's, like, a puppeteering challenge.
Would you rather have the entire purple team helping you or the entire purple team helping Katie? Basically, what you're saying is, - you'll vote me off, but you'll help me.
- Yes.
It doesn't make as much sense to vote Katie in.
He knows that we will help Katie win that Nerd-Off.
Whereas if he were to vote Zack in, we would help him.
Just stand up and stop talking to them because we don't need to talk to them.
I'm gonna have to make my justifications here.
- I'm staying here.
- Can we talk to Jack alone? No, that's kind of the point is that we're being aligned right now.
- So he can't talk for himself? - He is talking for himself.
You're talking over him most of the time.
In my observations, Jack is a very gullible person.
I'm trying to do a little inception work, but Zack is hovering over Jack like a helicopter mom.
I've just got to get Jack alone.
One second is all I need.
Can I just have a few minutes alone, okay? Okay.
Uh-huh.
You know there's a vote that I'm really aiming for.
This is your chance to vote Zack off.
It's not no.
He's not gonna lose.
My only concern is, what if I do get voted into this one? Maybe it's just because I'm so used to being voted in that I can't conceptualize anything different at this moment, but what if Jack votes me in? 'Cause he has voted for me effectively three times now.
Calling all nerds! Please join us in the throne room! I would love to just be able to go in there today and, for once, not be voted into a Nerd-Off.
I feel like I'm playing "World of Warcraft" and forced to never be allowed to step away from my keyboard for more than three seconds.
- And I would love to just be able to A.
F.
K.
- And go to the bathroom already.
Today, two nerds go head-to-head in our Nerd-Off.
The winner will stay to compete for $100,000 and the right to sit atop The Throne of Games! The loser goes home immediately.
The teams have voted.
I have your tallies here.
Thank you, Robert.
Team Titans of Rigel, you have voted and by unanimous decision Jack.
You are going to the Nerd-Off.
As much emotion I have right now, like, I mean, you have to think with a logical mind.
And I'm thinking of probabilities and I've been trying my best to not get voted into this one and I have lost the betting game and this is my punishment.
Quite nerdy in that answer.
Team Midas Touch Attack, you have also voted.
Your first vote Katie.
Your second vote Zack.
The third vote Katie.
I voted for Katie because Zack is my only ally in this game.
If I win this, then I'm in a great position.
I knock Katie out, demoralize the purple team, but I have to win first.
I guess my attempting to help this team is not really, you know, enough.
Midas Touch Attack they see their strongest member, and they want to get rid of it because they can't be a strong team.
No way! Please step forward.
When Jack and Katie stepped forward, I sort of looked down at my feet 'cause I realized they started to move.
Bend the knee.
I'm so used to being the main character.
Now I've been reduced to a secondary character, and I'm so confused.
For today's Nerd-Off, you will feel the sting of the ultimate nerd spelling bee.
You will be tested on some of the most arcane, bizarre nerd words on this planet.
May the best nerd win.
It must be a huge relief for Zack to not have to go into the Nerd-Off this time.
But if he loses Jack as an ally, he's going to have to deal with a lot of purple, and I don't think he's ready for it.
- Some D&D, monsters, and mythology? - Yes.
The Titans of Rigel barricaded ourselves in the Radio Shack lab to help Katie.
There's a D.
C.
Circe it's spelled differently from a - "Game of Thrones'" Cersei? - "Game of Thrones'" Cersei.
You know, Circe is Greek mythology, as well.
I was in the top 30 spellers in the state of Colorado.
If Katie and I could mind-meld right now, she would have no problem against Jack.
Unfortunately, neither of us are vulcan.
Try to think of related words.
It's kind of similar to how I figure out vocabulary bees but, like, backwards, which is like, "oh, my God.
" I was in the national vocabulary bee once, so I can define most of these words, but I'm very bad at spelling.
So my tactic has been to look at the different origins.
- "Qapla'," Klingon word for "success.
" - Okay.
- No.
- Not a "U" 'cause it's Klingon.
Yes.
You now know how to say "success.
" Qapla'! Which I will say when I win this Nerd-Off.
Damn straight, chicky.
Sarlacc.
Sar-sarlacc.
Being nerdy requires a knowledge of many different areas I mean, I know all the "Game of Thrones" places, at least.
Do you know how to spell them? Which makes me good as a nerd because I study a lot.
I'm a medical student, remember? I have to memorize stuff all the time.
How would you spell Ewok? - Chewbacca.
- Oh, crap.
Now, go slow.
There's no reason you have to go fast.
Yeah, that's true.
The Titans are clever to not send me into this one 'cause I really would have beaten Katie.
Kashyyyk, again, without looking.
- Good! 'Cause that's, like, probably one they're gonna use.
- Yeah.
Tatooine.
- T-a-t-t.
- No, it's just with the one "T.
" I understand why the purple team put me in the Nerd-Off, but I don't think it was the right decision Yeah, it's "lightsaber.
" You're right e-r.
Because I don't think Zack knows how to spell very well.
Astronomical.
Which is what Katie's chances are - to win this Nerd-Off.
- Yeah! Yeah! I like it.
No, my chances of winning.
Hers are astronomically small.
- Yeah, astronomically small.
- Yeah, that way.
This Nerd-Off is taking place in a library.
This is the nerd's natural habitat.
I know these books.
I organize these books.
I know all the periodicals in the periodicals room.
Welcome to the most devilish fiendish brutal, sadistic diabolical Nerd-Off ever conceived! "The King of the Nerds" spelling bee.
Curtis, lower your voice.
We're in a library.
In this Nerd-Off, you will be given definitions to words prevalent in the nerd universe.
The first one to buzz in must know the word and then spell it.
Every correct answer gets you one point.
Every incorrect answer gets your opponent one point.
And the first person to get five points wins this Nerd-Off.
But there is a catch.
You must select someone who, for every incorrect answer you give, will get a shock.
It reminds me of that science experiment from the '60s where they are forcing real people off the street to give people fake electric shocks.
Such activities are no longer permitted because they're considered inhumane.
- This is milgram all over again.
- I know.
Katie, who do you select to get your shock? Anyone have a particular desire to be shocked today? - I think it would be an honor.
- Okay.
When Brian volunteers, all I can think about is all that hair on him.
Is it gonna fry? Is it gonna just, like, stand up on its ends? What's going to happen? I'm so curious.
Jack? - I will pick Chris.
- As a punishment.
You made your bed, now lie in it.
Brian and Chris, take your positions and grab your shocking devices.
I really want Katie to win.
However, I really don't want to get shocked if Jack gets a question wrong.
I'm kind of conflicted at the moment.
The first word is Chocobo.
Spell it.
Okay, let's see if that's correct.
Chris, press the button.
As you wish.
That was the correct answer.
I actually hate "Final Fantasy," but I thought chocobo was a common-knowledge term.
I was so happy to hear chocobo come up! And now the chocobo mamba is stuck in my head.
Truly sadistic.
In physics Piezoelectricity.
Piezoelectricity.
Piezoelectric devices are basically used as sensors a lot in, like, mechatronics and small robotic things.
Here it goes.
Is there a space in that word? Ungh! Jack, that gives you two points to Katie's no points.
That was quite shocking.
I feel bad for hairy, little Brian.
Why did I say that? The next word in "Star Wars" What's The Force? Midi-chlorian.
Midi-chlorian.
Which I don't believe in because I watched "Star Wars" in machete order which eliminates episode I, which is the only time they mention midi-chlorians, because midi-chlorians kind of screw with the continuity of the entire series.
She got it right.
That's one point for Katie.
In "The Game of Thrones" Daenerys Targaryen.
Daenerys is my least favorite character on "Game of Thrones," so come on.
Why couldn't you give me a better character to spell? That is correct.
In biology Angiogenesis.
- - Chris? That's correct.
I study tumors, and one of the causes of tumors is angiogenesis.
Finally, a word I know something about.
In "Star Trek" Pon Farr.
Pon Farr.
That is correct.
Pon farr? More like point for Katie.
That's how you start it, by the way.
First thing you do when you find your mate.
Vulcan foreplay.
Parseltongue.
That is correct.
I don't think Jack's even read "Harry Potter," but his studying is paying off.
The score is 4 to 3 for Jack.
It is now game point.
If Jack gets this point, he wins the Nerd-Off.
I honestly thought that Jack was going to lose.
I don't know what's going on.
Renaissance.
This is a hard question.
Renaissance is spelled Wait.
Did I even spell "Google" right? Rennaissance.
Chris, let's see if Jack wins the game.
Chris, I have never wanted to see you in pain more in my life.
Chris, let's see if Jack wins the game.
God! That's a point for Katie.
There are not two N's in renaissance, Jack.
Comes from the French "naissance" birth.
Renaissance Rebirth.
- Getting down to it, folks.
- Yeah.
With the score tied at 4, whoever answers the next question correctly wins this Nerd-Off.
In "Star Wars" That was close! But, Jack, you hit the button first.
Okay, this is "Star Wars," but I know this one 'cause Zack actually drilled this one into my mind.
Kashyyyk.
That is correct.
Yes! This is, like, the first time I would ever say this, but "thank you, Zack.
" Katie, thank you so much.
Jack, you have won this Nerd-Off And you will stay to fight another day in the halls of Nerdvana.
I won on a "Star Wars" one.
I hope all you "Star Wars" fans really can forgive me now.
Katie, you will be going home.
But please know we wish you well as you leave us, pulling your own strings as the puppet master of your own destiny.
You may now say goodbye to your teammates.
I don't know where Jack came from, but Katie should not lose like this.
While she was no longer a Titan in name, she was a Titan.
And it is profoundly disappointing.
No matter how much I really tried to become part of team Midas Touch Attack, they just never took me in the way that the Titans of Rigel did.
Titans of Rigel always have been and always will be my team.
And now I'll just be out there cheering for them from the sidelines.
The Titans of Rigel! I'm gonna miss you guys.
My experience at Nerdvana was amazing.
It was just such an exciting and magical place.
I met Bill Nye, and Lando Calrissian liked my Millennium Falcon debate.
I have absolutely no regrets.
I'm going back into the world to work on a production of Beckett's "Endgame," using a robotic actor.
It's not Nerdvana, but it's close.
Oh, the horror! Bobby, I'll come hold your hair!
One of your team members must join Midas Touch Attack.
I am on the island of misfit nerds.
But even with roboticist Katie's help I can't fix that.
Midas Touch Attack was crushed for the third time in a row in the nerd war.
You're out! Crash and burn.
Fantasy writer Zack attempted to sway his team.
The Titans will never vote Katie into a Nerd-Off.
We have to do it.
But for the third time, he was sent into the Nerd-Off, this time against inorganic chemist Nicole.
Challenge accepted.
In an epic Nerd-Off of Zombie KerPlunk, - Zack pulled off another victory.
- Well, that sucked, didn't it? And Nicole's hopes for being crowed King of the Nerds were left for dead Or were they? Yes.
Yes.
They were.
Food! Okay, guys, I think the first thing we need to do is have a toast to Nicole with her - Her favorite green beverage.
- Green caffeine! I've sworn off caffeine years ago, and I'm even going to have some right now.
I have done it again! But this one's at the expense of my best friend in the house, so it kind of sucks.
This feels like that same heart-sinking feeling when you're playing "World of Warcraft" and you have a friend get kicked out of your guild.
I'm gonna go, guys.
I'll be back.
Hasta luego.
Yo, guys.
What the heck? Oh, my God.
What the heck happened? No one can beat him.
Hey, I got to give it to him, man.
He's pretty good at this stuff, but I wish that kind of luck and skill was used during our nerd wars rather than our nerd-offs.
Now that he's lost, like, his really only friend here, is this gonna be better or worse, do you think? The easiest way to make Zack happy is to win, - so you guys have to take one for the team here.
- Nope.
It's a new day, and I'm looking forward to seeing what the next nerd war is.
I would love for the nerd war to be something that plays to my personal strengths.
Let's play hockey.
Let's rebuild a car.
Katie, is that you? No, it's Xander.
What are you doing in the girls' bathroom?! I have conquered this bathroom for mankind! Leave the seat down, please.
Always do.
Calling all nerds! Please join us in the courtyard! Oh, what does this mean? This is obviously going to be an accounting challenge.
If this is business, I'm good with that.
I do have a lot of marketing and merchandising experience that I've been very successful at, so I could do a business challenge.
Today, you will prepare for the second annual "King of the Nerds" - Debate! - Yes! I have debated throughout all of high school.
I did policy debate, I dabbled in Lincoln-Douglas debate, so I have a ton of debating experience.
This time, your topic will be the debate that you have been having your entire lives.
"Star Trek" vs.
"Star Wars.
" - "Star Trek"! - All righty.
Oh [Bleep.]
I have not seen "Star Wars.
" I have not seen "Star Trek.
" This is gonna be a hard one.
Oh, my.
Set phasers to fun.
The debate will consist of three rounds, each with its own topic.
Now, team Titans of Rigel, you have four team members, so you're going to have to decide which member of your team is going to be sitting out the debate.
We will now do rock-paper-scissors to decide which universe each team will be defending.
One team member from each team, step forward, please.
I want "Star Trek" because I know everything about it.
I'm Janeway W.
W.
J.
D.
What would Janeway do? Kick your ass.
Our rock-paper-scissors champ.
I guess I'll give it a shot.
Zack has won every single rock-paper-scissors competition on this show, which is a statistical anomaly.
He spits in the face of statistics.
Okay.
Beat you.
King Roshambo has returned.
So, Zack, which side would you choose to defend? I need to go ask my team, then.
I've been obsessed with "Star Wars" my whole life.
I think we want "Star Wars" 'cause they know a little bit of both.
I was princess Leia for Halloween when I was 22, and I made a slave Leia costume.
I think maybe if we're pro "Star Wars," then you be able to counter their "Star Trek" arguments - because you know "Star Trek.
" - That is accurate.
The purple team wants "Star Trek.
" If we had "Star Wars," Kayla would flip.
- Yeah, let's do "Star Wars.
" - Okay.
Your decision? I guess we're gonna go with "Star Wars.
" Titans of Rigel will be defending "Star Trek.
" - Qapla'! - Qapla'! It's Klingon for "success.
" You may return to Nerdvana.
- To the war room! - To the war room! Let's go! - Aaaah! - Oh, my God.
What do we got, guys? "Trek" vs.
"Wars.
" Number one - I don't know what a Borg is, so - You don't? Well, I know lots with that.
Number three Why would they say that? Why would they even say that? "Star Wars" vs.
"Star Trek"! We've been preparing for this our entire life.
The first thing we have to do is decide who is sitting out.
- He has debate experience.
- But you've got the debate skill.
We need that.
And I love "Star Trek.
" - I volunteer to sit out.
- Accepted! I know very little about "Star Trek.
" I've seen like an episode or two.
I get some of the inside jokes 'cause I look them up on Wikipedia.
Oh, you're wearing the red shirt! You're expendable.
Plus, if we lose, it's not my fault and I don't go into the Nerd-Off.
We got things like the car maneuver and Riker Maneuver, which we're using the light technology to win in a dogfight.
That was the Battle of Maxia, right there, against the Ferengi.
"Star Trek" is a passion.
It's been with me since I was about 2 years old.
That's how I meet most of my friends when I move to a new city, is I join "Star Trek" clubs, and I'm active at "Star Trek" conventions.
Okay, I know my facts.
I just don't know debate.
So that's where I'm, like, going, "eeeh " First thing you do is, you re-state your topic.
There is a ton of pressure on Kayla right now.
"Star Trek" is her thing.
The Enterprise-D could withstand eight hits by the photon torpedo.
That's shields.
You're talking about weapons.
I hate debate! This is why I didn't do debate.
I could very well be the weakest link just because I'm not familiar with how to debate.
I got to figure this out.
Oh, my God.
Gah! So, Enterprise vs.
Millennium Falcon I'm gonna cover that one.
I was a debate champion in middle school, so I'm very good at putting together arguments and stating my case.
Empire vs.
Borg Zack is doing that.
I'm very confident in my debating skills, but I'm talking about the Borg, and the Borg do not have a prominent role in the original series, and the original series is really what's close to my heart in "Star Trek.
" And the universe debate is going to be Jack.
What is an Enterprise? What's the Millennium Falcon? Jack doesn't know either "Star Wars" or "Star Trek.
" It's unreal.
This seems like it might be a death blow to Jack because he can't really bring up facts and things that he needs to make his case.
What is "Star Trek: The motion picture"? Is it the same as "Star Trek" or ? So, what is a rebel alliance, exactly? The rebels are just a group who are fighting against the Empire.
Jack, basically, has absolutely no knowledge of either "Star Trek" or "Star Wars.
" So, why does Luke become a Jedi? Luke becomes a Jedi because he meets Ben Kenobi, who explains how strong The Force is in Luke.
Okay, so they think that Luke is the chosen one.
The Force only chooses you, technically, 'cause the mitochondria thingies.
Zack was a great help to me.
He explained to me the plot of "Star Wars," which is pretty necessary, I think.
- Luke doesn't know that she's his sister, right? - Nope.
I think I am Zack's only friend.
Katie's not really a part of the team.
She is still interested in the purple team.
What was your reasoning behind picking "Star Wars"? I have no idea about "Star Trek," so I picked something I could actually argue on.
"Star Wars" has puppets, and it has Mace Windu, who is my favorite Jedi.
- Had you guys picked "Star Trek" - We would have been so screwed.
I thought you might have been trying to throw something there.
I am not trying to throw the challenge.
I just think it's really clear that "Star Wars" is the better franchise.
I've never seen any "Star Trek.
" I'm gonna start writing an argument down.
Flow-charting and everything is gonna be fun.
I'm feeling good about this debate.
I'm gonna actually try to make the most of it.
I'm liking everything you're saying right now.
The only concern I have is that make sure we're delivering it.
Like, talk good, you know? You're good at talking.
You have that sexy accent.
I think that this is the one where we're gonna win again because Jack has this great argument in terms of which "universe" is better.
I can even tell the judges myself - that I don't actually know anything about the "Star Wars.
" - You shouldn't say that.
Never, ever, ever, ever say that.
Kayla, you really look the part.
You look like a debater.
Confidence is what you got.
In this corner with gold shorts, you have "Star Wars.
" Let's go to the debate! In this corner with purple shorts, you've got "Star Trek.
" Time's run out.
Let's do this, boys.
Let the debate begin! Welcome, everyone, to the second annual "King of the Nerds" debate! Midas Touch Attack, you're about to be slaughtered like the Klingons at Khitomer.
And now let's introduce our judges.
Please welcome back the head of the USC Debate and Forensics program Gordon Stables! I'm so glad that we actually have a debate coach in the judging panel because Chris fine-tuned everybody's arguments and I think he'll appreciate that.
Please welcome comedian and host of uber nerdy podcast "The Indoor Kids," Kumail Nanjiami.
Kumail is hilarious.
It is an honor to be, like, in the same room as him.
And, finally, a man who needs no introduction "Star Wars" royalty Billy Dee Williams! Lando Calrissian is here.
Admittedly, he's batting for the wrong team, but it's awesome.
I have no idea who any of these judges are.
Matter of fact, I would rather have them pick three random people 'cause they might not know enough about "Star Wars" or "Star Trek," so we would be in the same kind of boat.
- Our first topic is - Robert? Actually, it's not me.
Darn it! And it is Kayla vs.
Katie.
Kayla is about to whip out a bat'leth and go Klingon on Katie.
For the purpose of this debate, I chose to use the Enterprise-D.
I do not accept the new "Trek.
" The Enterprise-D has deflector shields in a high-capacity grid fashion, using multiple frequencies.
- The Millennium Falcon has laser canons.
- Whoo.
The Enterprise-D has over 1,000 personnel on it.
The amount of crew versus the four members on the Millennium Falcon Gives the Enterprise-D more depth, more training, less fatigue issues if it's a long-term battle.
She's hitting a lot of the same points I'm going to be hitting.
The Enterprise-D would definitely SWAT and kill the tiny, little mosquito called the Millennium Falcon and her crew in a dogfight.
But I was really hoping to kind of engage the audience and get their attention a little bit more because we clearly both really know our stuff about these ships.
The Millennium Falcon, a modified YT-1300 cargo ship, piloted by a stuck-up, half-witted, scruffy-looking nerf herder and his trusty wookiee sidekick may pale in comparison to the overwhelming size and grandiosity of the U.
S.
S.
Enterprise of the "Star Trek" franchise, but the Falcon can fly circles around the Enterprise, especially when the latter is diverting all power to shields.
The Enterprise's phasers are directionally mounted and can't target easily a smaller moving object like the Falcon.
The maneuverability advantage that this grants the Falcon is shown in the hoth asteroid-field scene in episode 5 of "Star Wars," which they survived at the odds of 3,720 to 1 against.
Katie is going so fast.
Her pitch must have gone up in speed with, like, the doppler effect.
In conclusion, the Millennium Falcon is the superior ship when it comes to single combat, and, of course, you should always let the wookiee win.
Katie comes out with basically the same kind of facts level that Kayla has, but more passion, more fire.
You can tell that Katie's a good debater.
Of course, you know, lando owned that ship originally.
However, in terms of offense and defense, who's better off? I think I'm biased, but I believe I think he is, too.
If the Falcon actually wanted to run away from the battle, it could do so.
- It would really just be - But why would it want to run? I mean, it would just be getting in real quick, disabling its missiles, and getting out.
That being said, the Enterprise is not designed for a universe in which there are plasma weaponry.
I would like to point out that Klingons and Romulans used plasma as part of their phaser disrupters.
Touch".
Kayla puts the smackdown on Katie about plasma weapons.
Pop! Pop! Judges, you have deliberated and selected a winner.
Who won this round of the debate? This one was very close, but after careful consideration, we have decided the winner is Katie.
The discussion really came down to Katie's perspective that the Millennium Falcon would keep sniping infinitely.
I'm probably going to be kicked out of my fan club, the U.
S.
S.
Cumberland, 'cause I just embarrassed them.
But, you know, I must say, they kept talking about how that little ship could just attack and run away, which isn't a dogfight.
That's terrorism.
Moving on to topic two.
Zack vs.
Chris.
Zack, you may begin.
The Empire is a far more dangerous enemy than the Borg with greater span, speed, and firepower.
The power of totalitarianism is clearly a stronger means of control than assimilation.
It is the most dangerous thing you can do to establish an empire that people want to be a part of.
I think Zack's holding it together pretty well.
We might actually be doing a good job here.
The Empire also far outclasses the Borg in their sheer firepower.
In terms of danger, danger is blowing up alderaan with 20 billion trillion megatons of force.
That is danger.
I can't believe that he's left out the sith.
The Empire has Jedi powers at its disposal.
Chris, you may begin.
To help the scope of this debate, I'm going to define the word "dangerous" for us.
It's the ability to cause harm or injury a quote from Governor Tarkin from the "Star Wars" universe, who says, "they want to rule through fear rather than force itself.
" The entire Galactic Empire does not want to cause any injury.
They merely want to cause fear, and that's not dangerous in itself.
The Borg themselves want to eradicate entire species.
They want to assimilate into their own culture, therefore, not allowing it to exist outside of their collective.
It is clearly logical that the Borg are a much more dangerous entity than the entire Galactic Empire.
Sorry, gold team.
The Force isn't with you today.
How about them tribbles? Zack, you gave a fantastic presentation talking about weaponry and technology.
But one farm boy from Tatooine, and then one ship later, destroys all of it twice? How dangerous is this technology really? - The technology is extremely dangerous.
- I disagree with that.
The Borg collective is much more adaptable to weapons.
They cannot adapt against strong enemies.
In "Endgame," Captain Janeway is blasting Borg ships left and right.
So, clearly, if you take one out with one hit, the Borg adaptation is worthless.
Billy Dee, who won this round of the debate? After deliberating, the choice is Chris.
I won that debate fair and square.
Zack will argue that I didn't, but he's not a debater.
I don't think he even understands what happened today.
Chris' discussion of what it meant to be dangerous was a step beyond just the technology and the weaponry.
If the judges cannot understand that blowing up Alderaan is more dangerous than the Borg, then they're deaf or blind or both, perhaps.
We come to the third and final topic which will determine the winner of this debate.
Easy.
It's all up to me and my zero "Star Trek" and "Star Wars" knowledge.
I mean, I still don't know what an Ewok is.
Jack, you may begin.
We're tied one to one.
Here it is "Star Trek," "Star Wars" for debating supremacy.
Jack, you may begin.
Engage.
All right, the "Star Wars" universe is not only better than the "Star Trek" universe, it is objectively better than the "Star Trek" universe, and I'm gonna use cold, hard facts to explain it all.
Jack has never seen "Star Wars" or "Star Trek," so his argument's completely based on statistics.
"Star Wars" franchise is worth $33 billion.
To keep that in perspective, North Korea, as a country, has a GDP of $22 billion.
In fact, "Star Wars" makes more money on video games alone than "Star Trek" has ever made.
Jack is something of a crowd pleaser, and he's taking a big risk that could pay off for him.
I did some data mining and some statistical analysis.
I looked up the number of likes "Star Wars" has on Facebook, and it has 10.
4 million likes.
And "Star Trek," on the other hand, only has 2.
9 million likes.
So, more people find joy into immersing themselves in the "Star Wars" universe.
Therefore, "Star Wars" is objectively better than "Star Trek.
" You're missing the point, Jack.
If popularity means so much, why do we have an electoral college? Jack is having an incredible debate, and Brian is just there completely dumbfounded, not knowing how he's going to actually go against this.
Brian, you may begin.
What does it mean to have a better universe? I'll be arguing this based on Robert heinlein's definition of science fiction, as "realistic speculation about possible future events.
" Let's look at the science first.
"Star Trek" has pre-staged many scientific inventions, from the 3.
5-inch floppy disk that originally appeared in "Star Trek: The Original Series" to the tricorders that we now call smartphones.
"Star Trek" also demonstrates a profound respect for science.
Consider the TNG episode "The Measure of a Man," which debates whether an android should be afforded human rights.
These are debates that we are having now or will have in the near future.
Brian's presentation is flawless.
"Star Trek" changes society, and I think that makes the better universe, which is tough for me to say because I'm a "Star Wars" fan.
"Star Wars'" only contribution to society is to line George Lucas' pockets with profit.
And while Ferengi may appreciate that, we humans should demand more.
Thank you.
In defense of George, he certainly changed the face of moviemaking.
I don't hate George at all.
I think he's a very successful man.
My opponent, however, thinks that he's just an evil guy who's trying to fill his pockets with money.
I said nothing of the sort.
The social function was to fill his pockets with money.
I make no judgement as to whether that's good or bad.
Brian, you focused a lot on the sociological aspects of "Star Trek.
" "Star Trek" had the first interracial kiss on TV, whereas "Star Wars" had a brother and a sister making out.
You said it, not me.
So, how do you defend against that, Jack? Well, actually, the thing is, I have not seen either "Star Wars" or "Star Trek," So I actually do not know this is all from my Like, this entire debate was all of my statistical research about these two.
I'm so mad right now.
You should watch "Star Wars" and "Star Trek.
" How stupid can you be, Jack? Why would you say that? Duly noted, duly noted.
Judges, you may consult amongst yourselves.
This was a "damned if you do, damned if you don't" situation because it's bad to tell the judges you don't know anything, but it's worse to make up an answer that you know is wrong.
Gordon.
In the end, we decided that the better job was done by Brian.
Titans of Rigel You have won this nerd war! Winning today is not just a win for the Titans.
It's a win for "Star Trek," and that is something that we desperately need.
And your reward is that you will be having dinner with the original cast of "Revenge of the nerds," including Curtis and me.
I think it's very cool.
I mean, these are the founding fathers of the nerd culture.
Teen Midas Touch Attack, two of your members will be selected for the Nerd-Off tomorrow.
We are kind of a cursed team.
We are the Chicago Cubs of Nerdvana.
- And thank you! - I had a ridiculously difficult choice to make because Jack was beyond horrible! But if I put Jack into the Nerd-Off, it guarantees me to be voted into the Nerd-Off because the other team is never gonna vote for Katie because Katie's still on their side.
I think, really, we have to stick together 'cause there's no other way we have a chance of winning.
It doesn't matter if we have to lose every Nerd-Off.
- We're gonna stay, and we're gonna win.
- Yep, gotcha.
I know in order for my own survival, I have to let Zack be my ally.
It's all about survival because for the first time in Nerdvana, my ass is on the line.
I think you have a really strong chance of being on this one.
Yeah, I know, and we're gonna vote Katie in.
He doesn't want to go against me because not only am I more knowledgeable at Sci-Fi than Katie, I've also survived three nerd-offs.
It doesn't matter if we're going to lose We're not gonna repeat it, though, 'cause Katie could walk down at any second.
Our reward is dinner with the original cast of "Revenge of the nerds.
" Congratulations! Kayla.
Kayla, give me a hug! - I'm Julia! - Hi, Julia! Little caesars pizza, nerds, wine anything better than that? - Let's eat.
- Yeah! It's hot and ready.
I like it hot and ready.
Mr.
Armstrong.
Why, thank you so much, Brian.
These are the guys that inspired us to become nerds.
Oh, I don't even know what to say.
It's amazing.
Before "Revenge of the nerds," you really never heard the term "nerd.
" For some reason, it stuck.
- We love you guys.
- You hear that? They love us.
Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! They understood us.
We understood them.
It was a great bonding experience with those guys.
- Your belching situation - Yes.
- Was that you? - It was not me.
Even I didn't know that.
That was the sound of a camel achieving orgasm.
In terms of voting, what are you actually leaning towards? I'm probably gonna vote for you.
I just wanted to tell you because, honestly, I was never told and I want to afford you that decency.
I appreciate knowing, definitely.
Even though I'm the only one on the team who scored a point, I'm gonna be voted into the Nerd-Off by my team.
They would rather kick out an original purple team member because the immediate game is more important than their long-term survival.
- What's wrong? - My team's voting me into the Nerd-Off.
Dang.
Well, we thought that eventuality might happen.
Katie, technically, is part of the gold team.
However, her loyalties still remain with the purple team, and we've all agreed that we want to be the final five.
The only way we can ensure that happens is if Zack and Jack are in this Nerd-Off.
- Jack, sit in on this mess.
- All right, sure.
Why not? So, I'm gonna reason with you, Jack.
Zack can sit in, as well.
We'll talk real talk, guys.
- All right, sure.
- I'll lead the discussion.
So we're most likely gonna send the weaker of you two to keep Katie in this game.
Basically, what we're saying, Jack, is we're voting you in, and we're trying to convince you not to vote Katie in.
I think that Zack is a stronger player in both nerd-offs, - in general, and also in science fiction.
- But not in team competitions.
Because I know so little about science fiction, I don't think I can beat Zack.
In almost every individual Nerd-Off, I would rather face Katie than Zack unless it's, like, a puppeteering challenge.
Would you rather have the entire purple team helping you or the entire purple team helping Katie? Basically, what you're saying is, - you'll vote me off, but you'll help me.
- Yes.
It doesn't make as much sense to vote Katie in.
He knows that we will help Katie win that Nerd-Off.
Whereas if he were to vote Zack in, we would help him.
Just stand up and stop talking to them because we don't need to talk to them.
I'm gonna have to make my justifications here.
- I'm staying here.
- Can we talk to Jack alone? No, that's kind of the point is that we're being aligned right now.
- So he can't talk for himself? - He is talking for himself.
You're talking over him most of the time.
In my observations, Jack is a very gullible person.
I'm trying to do a little inception work, but Zack is hovering over Jack like a helicopter mom.
I've just got to get Jack alone.
One second is all I need.
Can I just have a few minutes alone, okay? Okay.
Uh-huh.
You know there's a vote that I'm really aiming for.
This is your chance to vote Zack off.
It's not no.
He's not gonna lose.
My only concern is, what if I do get voted into this one? Maybe it's just because I'm so used to being voted in that I can't conceptualize anything different at this moment, but what if Jack votes me in? 'Cause he has voted for me effectively three times now.
Calling all nerds! Please join us in the throne room! I would love to just be able to go in there today and, for once, not be voted into a Nerd-Off.
I feel like I'm playing "World of Warcraft" and forced to never be allowed to step away from my keyboard for more than three seconds.
- And I would love to just be able to A.
F.
K.
- And go to the bathroom already.
Today, two nerds go head-to-head in our Nerd-Off.
The winner will stay to compete for $100,000 and the right to sit atop The Throne of Games! The loser goes home immediately.
The teams have voted.
I have your tallies here.
Thank you, Robert.
Team Titans of Rigel, you have voted and by unanimous decision Jack.
You are going to the Nerd-Off.
As much emotion I have right now, like, I mean, you have to think with a logical mind.
And I'm thinking of probabilities and I've been trying my best to not get voted into this one and I have lost the betting game and this is my punishment.
Quite nerdy in that answer.
Team Midas Touch Attack, you have also voted.
Your first vote Katie.
Your second vote Zack.
The third vote Katie.
I voted for Katie because Zack is my only ally in this game.
If I win this, then I'm in a great position.
I knock Katie out, demoralize the purple team, but I have to win first.
I guess my attempting to help this team is not really, you know, enough.
Midas Touch Attack they see their strongest member, and they want to get rid of it because they can't be a strong team.
No way! Please step forward.
When Jack and Katie stepped forward, I sort of looked down at my feet 'cause I realized they started to move.
Bend the knee.
I'm so used to being the main character.
Now I've been reduced to a secondary character, and I'm so confused.
For today's Nerd-Off, you will feel the sting of the ultimate nerd spelling bee.
You will be tested on some of the most arcane, bizarre nerd words on this planet.
May the best nerd win.
It must be a huge relief for Zack to not have to go into the Nerd-Off this time.
But if he loses Jack as an ally, he's going to have to deal with a lot of purple, and I don't think he's ready for it.
- Some D&D, monsters, and mythology? - Yes.
The Titans of Rigel barricaded ourselves in the Radio Shack lab to help Katie.
There's a D.
C.
Circe it's spelled differently from a - "Game of Thrones'" Cersei? - "Game of Thrones'" Cersei.
You know, Circe is Greek mythology, as well.
I was in the top 30 spellers in the state of Colorado.
If Katie and I could mind-meld right now, she would have no problem against Jack.
Unfortunately, neither of us are vulcan.
Try to think of related words.
It's kind of similar to how I figure out vocabulary bees but, like, backwards, which is like, "oh, my God.
" I was in the national vocabulary bee once, so I can define most of these words, but I'm very bad at spelling.
So my tactic has been to look at the different origins.
- "Qapla'," Klingon word for "success.
" - Okay.
- No.
- Not a "U" 'cause it's Klingon.
Yes.
You now know how to say "success.
" Qapla'! Which I will say when I win this Nerd-Off.
Damn straight, chicky.
Sarlacc.
Sar-sarlacc.
Being nerdy requires a knowledge of many different areas I mean, I know all the "Game of Thrones" places, at least.
Do you know how to spell them? Which makes me good as a nerd because I study a lot.
I'm a medical student, remember? I have to memorize stuff all the time.
How would you spell Ewok? - Chewbacca.
- Oh, crap.
Now, go slow.
There's no reason you have to go fast.
Yeah, that's true.
The Titans are clever to not send me into this one 'cause I really would have beaten Katie.
Kashyyyk, again, without looking.
- Good! 'Cause that's, like, probably one they're gonna use.
- Yeah.
Tatooine.
- T-a-t-t.
- No, it's just with the one "T.
" I understand why the purple team put me in the Nerd-Off, but I don't think it was the right decision Yeah, it's "lightsaber.
" You're right e-r.
Because I don't think Zack knows how to spell very well.
Astronomical.
Which is what Katie's chances are - to win this Nerd-Off.
- Yeah! Yeah! I like it.
No, my chances of winning.
Hers are astronomically small.
- Yeah, astronomically small.
- Yeah, that way.
This Nerd-Off is taking place in a library.
This is the nerd's natural habitat.
I know these books.
I organize these books.
I know all the periodicals in the periodicals room.
Welcome to the most devilish fiendish brutal, sadistic diabolical Nerd-Off ever conceived! "The King of the Nerds" spelling bee.
Curtis, lower your voice.
We're in a library.
In this Nerd-Off, you will be given definitions to words prevalent in the nerd universe.
The first one to buzz in must know the word and then spell it.
Every correct answer gets you one point.
Every incorrect answer gets your opponent one point.
And the first person to get five points wins this Nerd-Off.
But there is a catch.
You must select someone who, for every incorrect answer you give, will get a shock.
It reminds me of that science experiment from the '60s where they are forcing real people off the street to give people fake electric shocks.
Such activities are no longer permitted because they're considered inhumane.
- This is milgram all over again.
- I know.
Katie, who do you select to get your shock? Anyone have a particular desire to be shocked today? - I think it would be an honor.
- Okay.
When Brian volunteers, all I can think about is all that hair on him.
Is it gonna fry? Is it gonna just, like, stand up on its ends? What's going to happen? I'm so curious.
Jack? - I will pick Chris.
- As a punishment.
You made your bed, now lie in it.
Brian and Chris, take your positions and grab your shocking devices.
I really want Katie to win.
However, I really don't want to get shocked if Jack gets a question wrong.
I'm kind of conflicted at the moment.
The first word is Chocobo.
Spell it.
Okay, let's see if that's correct.
Chris, press the button.
As you wish.
That was the correct answer.
I actually hate "Final Fantasy," but I thought chocobo was a common-knowledge term.
I was so happy to hear chocobo come up! And now the chocobo mamba is stuck in my head.
Truly sadistic.
In physics Piezoelectricity.
Piezoelectricity.
Piezoelectric devices are basically used as sensors a lot in, like, mechatronics and small robotic things.
Here it goes.
Is there a space in that word? Ungh! Jack, that gives you two points to Katie's no points.
That was quite shocking.
I feel bad for hairy, little Brian.
Why did I say that? The next word in "Star Wars" What's The Force? Midi-chlorian.
Midi-chlorian.
Which I don't believe in because I watched "Star Wars" in machete order which eliminates episode I, which is the only time they mention midi-chlorians, because midi-chlorians kind of screw with the continuity of the entire series.
She got it right.
That's one point for Katie.
In "The Game of Thrones" Daenerys Targaryen.
Daenerys is my least favorite character on "Game of Thrones," so come on.
Why couldn't you give me a better character to spell? That is correct.
In biology Angiogenesis.
- - Chris? That's correct.
I study tumors, and one of the causes of tumors is angiogenesis.
Finally, a word I know something about.
In "Star Trek" Pon Farr.
Pon Farr.
That is correct.
Pon farr? More like point for Katie.
That's how you start it, by the way.
First thing you do when you find your mate.
Vulcan foreplay.
Parseltongue.
That is correct.
I don't think Jack's even read "Harry Potter," but his studying is paying off.
The score is 4 to 3 for Jack.
It is now game point.
If Jack gets this point, he wins the Nerd-Off.
I honestly thought that Jack was going to lose.
I don't know what's going on.
Renaissance.
This is a hard question.
Renaissance is spelled Wait.
Did I even spell "Google" right? Rennaissance.
Chris, let's see if Jack wins the game.
Chris, I have never wanted to see you in pain more in my life.
Chris, let's see if Jack wins the game.
God! That's a point for Katie.
There are not two N's in renaissance, Jack.
Comes from the French "naissance" birth.
Renaissance Rebirth.
- Getting down to it, folks.
- Yeah.
With the score tied at 4, whoever answers the next question correctly wins this Nerd-Off.
In "Star Wars" That was close! But, Jack, you hit the button first.
Okay, this is "Star Wars," but I know this one 'cause Zack actually drilled this one into my mind.
Kashyyyk.
That is correct.
Yes! This is, like, the first time I would ever say this, but "thank you, Zack.
" Katie, thank you so much.
Jack, you have won this Nerd-Off And you will stay to fight another day in the halls of Nerdvana.
I won on a "Star Wars" one.
I hope all you "Star Wars" fans really can forgive me now.
Katie, you will be going home.
But please know we wish you well as you leave us, pulling your own strings as the puppet master of your own destiny.
You may now say goodbye to your teammates.
I don't know where Jack came from, but Katie should not lose like this.
While she was no longer a Titan in name, she was a Titan.
And it is profoundly disappointing.
No matter how much I really tried to become part of team Midas Touch Attack, they just never took me in the way that the Titans of Rigel did.
Titans of Rigel always have been and always will be my team.
And now I'll just be out there cheering for them from the sidelines.
The Titans of Rigel! I'm gonna miss you guys.
My experience at Nerdvana was amazing.
It was just such an exciting and magical place.
I met Bill Nye, and Lando Calrissian liked my Millennium Falcon debate.
I have absolutely no regrets.
I'm going back into the world to work on a production of Beckett's "Endgame," using a robotic actor.
It's not Nerdvana, but it's close.
Oh, the horror! Bobby, I'll come hold your hair!