Las Vegas s02e05 Episode Script
Good Run of Bad Luck
Hey.
Hey.
Richard Allen Wesley is dead.
You're kidding.
Killed in a prison fight.
It was all over MSNBC this morning.
What? You guys don't think I watch the news? No.
Okay, my manicurist told me.
But she saw it on MSNBC.
How's it feel knowing the man who tried to kill you is never coming back? Like I just won $1 million.
Speaking of $1 million, we were just wondering about the legend of Gardy Grissom's buried silver.
What? If the legend is true, you're the only one who knows where it is.
You said you'd never talk about it until he was dead, and Wes is dead, baby.
We were thinking maybe we could help you find it.
For a cut, of course.
Are you being serious? Yeah.
There's no silver.
Who buries treasure in the desert? Oh, I don't know.
Rich, eccentric millionaires like Gardy Grissom.
Yeah, but this guy could weave a tale.
So this was just one of them.
We'll never know until we start digging.
We'll take the day off.
It'll be an adventure.
I can't go, freaks.
I have to work.
I have a client coming in and he owns half the tanning salons in California.
Do you mind if we look for the silver? Well, okay.
But you're just going to waste your time.
Well, it's our time to waste.
Please? Fine.
I'll give you the supposed map.
But if you guys find any silver, I get my cut.
Of course.
All right.
Hey.
Hey.
What are you doin'? You missing a valet? No.
Actually, I'm just waitin' for Clint Black to show up.
Don't tell the brothers, but I'm a big fan.
No, not a soul.
But, you'll be waitin' about 24 hours.
So you might want to think about goin' back to work.
Isn't he checkin' in? No, he's not.
He's staying with some friends.
Welcome to the Montecito.
Thank you.
Do you happen to know where Danny McCoy is? Danny McCoy? Yeah.
I think he works in surveillance.
Yeah.
I think he was headed for that coffee shop.
It's right through there.
Thank you.
Sure.
Huh? Nah.
Danny? Yeah.
I'm Connie Beckner.
Sgt.
Beckner's wife? I was his wife.
Connie, of course.
I've seen your picture.
Your husband was a good Marine.
A good man.
He thought the same of you.
You're probably wondering what I'm doing here.
You don't know me but he always talked about you when he e-mailed or called.
It's great to finally meet you.
I meant to call you when I got back, but you know, things just I know.
I'm so sorry about what happened.
It's okay.
I know.
Have a seat.
Thank you.
Wow, look at this.
This is Carter.
Carter.
He looks just like his dad.
Kent always said if anything ever happened to him or if I needed anything, to look you up.
Of course.
Sure.
Is there something you need? I just drove all the way up from Tucson for a job interview and the friend that was supposed to watch Carter got sick.
So I was wondering, could you? Possibly? You want me to watch your baby? I don't know anybody else in town.
And the interview's in half an hour.
Yeah.
Yeah, sure.
I guess I could do that.
Thank you.
I'm sure it won't take long.
So, where's your interview? A management company.
Stoner Stoner Sacks? Yeah.
That's it.
It's just a bookkeeping job, but it's a start.
Here's the diaper bag.
Everything you need is in here.
His favorite binky is on the side pocket but only if he gets fussy.
You're not going to get fussy, are you? No, I didn't think so.
All my contact information is on the other side pocket, including my cell number.
Okay.
I got it.
Well, you look perfect.
So take a deep breath and just be yourself.
Okay.
I guess I should get going.
Okay.
So if you want to have lunch or something when you get back you know, we could talk.
That'd be nice.
Bye, sweetie.
I love you so much.
I'll see you.
Thank you.
No, no.
Connie? Mr.
Taylor? I'm Samantha Marquez, your casino host.
If we're gonna be lovers, you must call me Bernard.
Mr.
Taylor is my father.
Oh, he's still alive? I heard you were feisty.
We're going to have fun spending my money, I can tell.
Yes, we are, and please let me know any way that I can help you do that.
Anything not involving my chest.
There is one thing that would please me.
Of course.
No comps.
I want to pay for everything, including my suite.
You know that's a courtesy we extend to our preferred guests.
Well, I prefer not to be preferred.
I've got a lot of money in this bag, and I plan to throw it around.
Okay.
No freebies.
Lots of spending.
Anything else? Yes.
I want to throw a big bash tonight in that club of yours, Mystique.
Mystique, yes.
I hear it's very hot.
Actually it's scalding, but tonight is a little short notice Did I mention I'll pay you double? Mystique's yours.
What's the occasion? My wife's leaving me.
Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that.
Don't be.
It's my fourth divorce, and frankly I've come to enjoy them more than the marriages.
A little divorce party? Trend-setter, don't you think? I love it.
I'm seeing an ice sculpture, maybe champagne fountains, and you know, caviar, pâté, cracked crab.
Of course.
I'm also seeing the room packed with strange, beautiful women ideally all of questionable moral fiber.
That shouldn't be a problem.
I'll pass the word.
No blondes.
I detest blondes.
Number four was a blonde? All of them were, except for my first.
She was a raven-haired beauty.
And I did hate her the least.
Hi, Mitch.
Hi, Daddy.
Hi, honey.
I'm taking the day off.
That's nice.
Listen, I'm gonna need to borrow the hotel Escalade.
Our Escalade? What the heck for? Nessa, Mary, and I are going to the desert to look for buried treasure.
Buried treasure? Well, basically you're all taking the day off then? Oh, no.
Just me.
They're calling in sick.
Ed, we have a disturbance on the floor.
You want your binky? You want your binky? What the hell is a binky anyway? A pacifier.
What? Binky.
Pacifier.
Same thing.
I didn't know you knew anything about kids.
Really? Let me just ask you a question: Do you think that Delinda came into this world at 5-foot-9? Right.
Right.
So, excuse us.
Sorry, everybody.
Come on.
Walk.
How you doin'? You don't have to carry him like a bowl of soup, like it's hot soup.
Listen.
I guess you're gonna make me ask you.
What's with the baby, Danny? I'm just watchin' him for a couple hours while his mom's at a job interview.
That pretty brunette that came in this morning? Yeah.
Connie.
She's alone, and I sort of owe her.
And you owe her because Her husband Kent was one of the guys I gave the last order to.
So, the guy I sent you to talk to, how's that goin'? Good.
It's helpin'.
It's helpin', but Connie's counting on me, so I got to I'm counting on you too, Mom.
I'm counting on you not to empty out my casino which screaming, crying babies have a tendency to do.
I think he just misses his mom.
She'll be back pretty soon.
Here's your purse.
Shh.
Francesca, you got my message.
Final bets! There's a huge party at Mystique.
I can put you on the list if you want.
Come on, come on! Sweetie, is your hair still red? What the hell? Good for you.
See you tonight.
Nice! We have a winner on black 22.
I didn't come here to win.
I came here to lose.
They told me roulette was the worst odds.
Okay, I'm confused.
My wife will get 50% of everything in the divorce.
I plan on that being 50% of nothing.
Wait, so you plan on going broke just to screw your ex? Everything she could come after I've already sold.
I sold the tanning salons.
I sold the house.
Making you totally liquid.
Got it.
My entire net worth would fit in that briefcase.
Do you know how freeing that feels? It's like I'm not wearing underwear.
Bernard, I have to tell you, if you plan on spending all of that money here at the Montecito I'm feeling a little breezy myself.
Really? Shall we try craps? It even sounds like flushing money down the toilet.
Let's go lose.
Oh, yes.
Hey, Connie.
It's Danny.
Again.
Listen, I haven't heard back from you and I'm getting a little worried.
So, please, call me back as soon as you get this.
How much further? Where's the navigation system? Daddy took that out.
Says he didn't like being told what to do.
There's a surprise.
That's the top-of-the-line hand-held global positioning system.
256 color LCD display.
I'm feeling sick.
I already plugged in the coordinates into the geographical marker.
Sam's map will take us in the rest of the way.
Hey, shouldn't we pull over? She'll get over it.
When we were growing up, she complained all the way from Cinque Terre in the Northern Dolomites and all the way back to Rome.
It's just the bumpy roads, and the dust, and the nature.
There's a pressure point in between your thumb and the forefinger calms the stomach.
Global positioning gadgets, pressure points and, I might add, a backpack that actually looks used? I had no idea you were such a Girl Scout.
Daddy sent me to survival camp when I was 12.
You're kidding.
Trust me.
She isn't.
All the CIA dads were doing it.
For their sons.
What's that supposed to mean? Is it lost on you that your father wanted a boy? He did not! Watch out! Hey! Now look what you made me do! You were driving! Shut up! You shut up! Great! We're stranded.
We're not stranded.
I mean, we are, in the technical sense.
I'll just call the auto club.
We're gonna be fine.
Oh, my God.
That's not humanly possible.
Mother's not back yet? No, not yet.
I'm out of here.
All right.
Time for a coffee break.
You know what you gotta do? Throw this kid away and get a clean one? That is somewhat funny, but no.
Just change him.
What? No.
You do it.
Good luck, Danny.
No, you do that.
Me do it? Why would I do it? It's your favor.
Because you know babies.
You said Delinda was one yourself.
Shut up, just shut up.
Okay, get me the diaper bag.
The diaper bag.
Now, look, do this once, Danny boy, and I want you to watch and learn.
Only once.
Okay.
First, you lift the legs like this, right? Above the offending diaper.
And then, take the wipies out.
The wipies! You wipe him clean.
Gross.
This is I'm getting a vasectomy.
Now you take the dirty wipies and you put them into the dirty diaper and you roll it up.
Here you go.
Oh, no.
Now give me a clean diaper.
And you lift the little guy up and slide it right under him like that and then you lower him ever so gently, and there.
Is that better, little guy? What about this cream? You don't have to go there.
That's only if he's got irritation.
You know what? When Delinda was a baby she had the worst diaper rash ever.
Just a hunch, but she might want to keep that within the family.
She would sit around for hours in a wet diaper.
Just all smiles, not a peep.
I mean, she was really a happy baby.
I'm surprised you didn't have more kids.
Yeah.
I kinda wish I could have had a boy.
Of course, there are some drawbacks.
Leave.
Both of you leave.
Leave me alone.
Leave me alone.
I'm sure the auto club can find us if I can just get a signal.
Well, at least the vultures are gone.
Buzzards.
I got good news.
We're only 3.
4 miles northeast of the rock formation we're looking for.
That's lovely.
I think you're forgetting that we have a flat tire.
Maybe we should just leave the car here.
We're gonna have to hoof it part of the way anyway.
Is it not apparent that I don't hoof? You want to stay behind? That's cool.
Mary and I'll split it two ways.
You are manipulative.
Okay, maybe if we move I can get a signal.
And if we can't, I'll change the tire myself when we get back with the silver.
You can fix this? Yup.
Good thing Daddy convinced me to take auto shop instead of home ec.
I'm calling my lawyer, Bernie.
Good.
May I dial for you? Here, let's just put this down for 12, hard ways.
Boxcars.
That's what you'll be living in: A boxcar.
Carlos, I don't care what it is, as long as it's here by 10:00.
Just get my lawyer on the phone now.
See? Now I owe you.
Bernard is in Vegas.
Yeah, baby! Nothin'! Can I get you anything? What's with Mr.
And Mrs.
Melanoma over there? Bitter divorce.
He's trying to throw all their money away so she can't have any.
Really? That's some kinda genius.
Is he losin'? Oh, yeah.
I guess we should be happy then.
We should.
Snake eyes! Snake eyes in honor of the old ball and chain.
Divorce? Oh, yeah.
Look at this.
You know the house you had your eyes on in Malibu? I'm gonna kill you! Oh, no, no.
Get off me.
Watch the plugs! Watch the plugs! I'm sorry I ever met you.
It's a little late to apologize now.
Do you think there are snakes out here? Just the diamondback or the southwestern speckled rattler.
They tend to favor rocky, hilly areas.
Are you kidding me? No.
They definitely like the rocks and the hills.
I have to go the little girls' room.
I have a tissue.
Oh, no! What? The cap's fallen off my water.
Wonderful.
Did you have to go to the "little" girls' room, or the "big" girls' room? Use this.
"Krielcamp Properties.
" This is your rent check.
Yeah, well it's paper.
It's better than using leaves, right? Thank you, but I think I'll wait.
Nice choice with the kittens and puppies though.
Thank you.
Yeah, it's from the new SPCA series.
It's cute! Yeah.
Can we move now, please? Did you just stomp? For emphasis.
We're losing light.
Isn't that what we're looking for? This is it.
We're gonna be rich.
"Take a bearing at 35 degrees and travel 10 paces.
" And there we'll find the silver.
I have a problem.
Yeah, I can see that.
Connie's been gone for four hours.
I've left her several messages.
I even called the hospital.
That don't sound right.
A mother doesn't leave her baby that long.
She had a job interview? Stoner Sacks.
I called there, too.
Yeah? And when did they say she left? She didn't.
According to them, she never even had an interview.
When I put that all together I guess she chose to disappear.
Eight, nine, ten.
How do you know how wide to make each step? I think it's just a full stride.
Not if your legs are freakishly short.
No way that's really 10 paces.
My legs aren't freakishly short.
My inseam is 32 inches.
Mine's 34 inches.
I could kill you with this shovel right now and then bury you with it.
Bring it on, stumpy.
That is it! I have had it with you two! What's wrong? I knew you grew up in the same house together, you had a few issues.
I had no idea you actually hated one another.
Someone's a little grumpy.
She has to poop.
Danny, I checked that cellphone of Connie's you gave me and apparently the last two outgoing calls were to numbers here in Vegas.
Whose numbers were they? It was an escort service, Danny.
Look, the poor woman, she loses her husband has to raise her baby by herself add some financial troubles, and Financial problems? Yeah, when you and Kent were recalled this last time I guess the business went south, and obviously military pay couldn't cover the costs and the bank repossessed the house.
I don't get it, man.
I mean, why me? Why not somebody who knows somethin' about kids? A brother? A sister? Anybody? Her parents live in Denver.
They're on their way out now.
Didn't they know somethin' was wrong? They do now.
Come on.
Where're we goin'? The escort service.
I know the place.
I've been throwing those girls out of here for years.
What about Carter? It's all right.
Mike'll watch him.
Mike will? Yes, Mike will.
You're gonna have to feed him.
He doesn't like anything green.
I'd go with the butternut squash.
Dude, you're killing me here.
Okay, little man.
Let's talk.
We got to come up with some kind of understanding here, okay? Ground rules.
Otherwise, this isn't going to work out.
You get me? That is such a cute baby.
Oh, my gosh.
I didn't know you liked babies.
Who, me? I love them.
What was that? Just a coyote.
How do you know it wasn't just a wolf? Who cares? I don't want to see either one.
A wolf is technically more ferocious much larger, and capable of taking down a full-grown adult.
That wasn't a wolf.
Are you sure? There are no wolves in Nevada.
At least I don't think there are.
Guys, it's gonna be getting dark soon.
I think we should get the hell out of here.
I think we should keep digging.
I think we should take a vote.
Okay.
All in favor of being wuss-ass girls and scurrying back to the car like a bunch of prisses, raise their hands.
My baby? I wish.
He is adorable, isn't he? No, I'm just babysitting.
I don't know, I love kids.
Very, very, very paternal.
Hey, I found this down the hall.
Man, I just turned my head for a second.
Yeah.
Okay, maybe for a minute.
Whatever.
Want to take it please? Take him.
Take him.
Okay.
Listen, have you seen Ed? I need to talk to him about Bernard's divorce party.
He's with Danny, looking for his mother.
Ain't that right, big man? Ain't that right? Let's go fishing.
I got to hand it to you.
You pulled it off.
As the kids say, this place rocks.
I am so glad you're happy.
Well, happier than Tad and Antonio.
Yes.
Cold feet an hour before the wedding.
They're better off.
I hope you didn't give me a discount on that thing.
Absolutely not, no discounts for you.
Only full price.
You know? That's what I like about you.
You know how to treat me.
I'm gonna miss you when I'm broke.
We're looking for this girl.
Her name is Connie.
How did you get this address? We are strictly phone and internet here.
Where is she? She's not available.
You sent her out? That's confidential, to protect the girls.
Maybe we should pin a medal on this guy.
What? Stanley, is it? Yeah.
We're kinda short on time, so I thought maybe we could step this up a little bit.
Where is Connie Beckner? Listen, all right, I took care of her.
It's her first time, she was a little nervous so I set her up with Harvey.
He's an older guy.
Two drinks and those seniors rarely close the deal.
I want an address.
Wait! He wanted to have dinner first.
He likes to talk.
Go figure.
If she was comfortable, they were going back to his room at the Desert Valley.
Bungalow 2.
Okay.
You can handle this on your own.
He's an older guy.
Here you go, Stanley.
How can there be no jack in a $60,000 car? I don't know.
Why is a nickel bigger than a dime? Check, please.
So, conveniently, you didn't look to make sure there was a tire kit but you had the presence of mind to bring sleeping bags.
You planned this, didn't you? Please.
I'm missing a seaweed wrap at the spa as we speak.
The rent check.
In your backpack.
Give it to me now.
I already cashed it in.
Great.
No toilet paper.
No phone.
No food.
But what is there no shortage of? Wolves.
Coyotes.
And don't worry about food.
We can't starve.
Did you know that there are more than 20 grams of protein in a single cricket? You, shut your pie hole.
Great.
Now I want pie.
And, you, give me that bandana.
This is not a bandana.
This is Hermes.
Now.
We've had some good times.
I think we'll both feel better with a little bubbly, don't you? Okay.
Danny? What are you doing here? I was just gonna ask you the same thing.
I don't know who you are, but you're sort of on my dime here.
I'm her husband.
Her what? But she's She's a mother.
That's what she is.
Danny, please.
Listen, I was just looking for a little company.
I don't want any trouble.
Maybe I should give you two a little privacy.
Thank you.
I'm sorry.
I am, too, my dear.
So, when were you gonna come back for your son, Connie? Tonight? Maybe next week? Maybe never? Bernard, have you thought this through? I mean, you're going to have nothing, as in, no things.
I don't really see you sleeping on percale.
You strike me as a 600 thread count kind of guy.
Well, I started with nothing.
Lean, mean, well, maybe a little pale.
But they were, you know, good times.
Look, I got a lot of money stashed in a Swiss account.
I knew it.
So Katy sees you lose everything fires all her lawyers, and just leaves.
I hop on a flight to Switzerland where everybody is Blonde? Wait a minute.
Is that irony or is that something else? That is a brilliant plan.
Cruel and brilliant.
Sadly, love is a little of both.
Fortunately, I wouldn't know.
If you ask me, love is a sucker's bet.
And you and all your little games as, understand, as profitable as they are for me and as fun as they are for you, only prove my point.
Samantha? Yes.
I can promise you one thing.
One day, some tanned young man will sweep you off your feet and you'll be so intoxicated with passion that you'll just take that bet but it's only a sucker's bet if you forget to hide at least half of it from the one you love.
Who is that redhead? Trying to take care of Carter and trying to pay bills and time to miss Kent, to grieve him that time's a luxury.
Why didn't you just ask me for help? Because I have all this debt I can't pay back and a few bucks from your wallet isn't gonna help.
I'll get you a job, Connie.
A place to stay.
We'll figure this out.
A minimum wage job is all I qualify for.
I can make $1,000 a night doing this.
Being a hooker? You think this is what I want? I didn't choose this.
It chose me.
It's the only thing I can do to earn enough to get myself out of debt.
And when I'm done, I'll come back and get Carter, and give him what he needs.
What he deserves.
So until then, you just hand him off to me and just say see you later? How can you just walk away from your son? I know he'll be safe with you.
You don't know anything about me.
Kent told me that you wanted a family that you were coming home to propose to the girl next door.
Mary.
Kent said that? He also told me that you were strong and kind a decent man.
I figured who better to leave my son with? Just for a little while.
What about your parents? I can't call them.
Why? What did they do to you that you can't ask them for help on somethin' like this? They didn't approve of Kent.
They didn't even show up for our wedding.
But Carter is their grandson.
Yeah, well they don't even know he exists.
They do now.
They're on their way out.
No.
I can't face them.
Connie, they're obviously worried about you.
They love you.
Come back with me.
I know you're nervous about it, but they're your parents.
Come on.
I can't.
You know those stars are four light years away.
We're looking at light from the year 2000.
A shooting star.
Did you see it, D? I think you're right.
Daddy really did want a son.
He didn't.
I was just being snarky.
We don't have that "click.
" You see him with Danny.
Click, click, click.
Sweetie, what they have it isn't better.
It's just different.
I want Daddy and me to be close you know, like George Jetson and daughter Judy or Cliff Huxtable and what's-her-name.
The one who married Lenny Kravitz.
Lisa Bonet? Yeah.
You do realize that none of those people are real.
They're characters on TV shows.
So? They were still close.
The man lights up whenever you walk into a room.
How much closer can you get? You really think he lights up? Definitely.
I mean, I guess if he did want a son they would have just had another baby, right? There you go.
You were enough.
Yeah.
Unless there was some sort of fertility issue.
Did you hear that? What? Like the heavy footsteps of a rapist? Yeah, that.
Ladies.
It's Clint Black.
You're Clint Black.
Yeah, I didn't mean to scare y'all.
I'm staying at a friend's ranch over here and saw the light from your fire and just got a little curious.
Excuse me, did you just say "ranch"? Yeah.
I'm doin' a concert tomorrow night and I don't go in for all the glitz and glamour so I like to stay out here.
Boy, y'all really tore that tire up.
We don't have a jack.
Well, that's no good.
I tell you what, I can get one and fix that for y'all in the mornin' but the question is what to do with y'all tonight? I think you should probably cash out.
Right? You're absolutely right.
I'll cash out.
Half of that is mine.
She's back.
I beg your pardon? Fifty-fifty, Bernie.
That's the law.
She's right, Bernard.
Give her share.
Gold digging to the end, I see.
Well, here you are, 100 big ones.
Don't spend it all in the same place.
You're an ass.
Bye-bye.
Tell it walking, sweetheart.
Samantha? Yes.
It's been a pleasure.
I'm sorry to rush off but I told Francesca I'd meet her Francesca.
Redhead Francesca from the party? The first moment I saw her I knew we had a certain, you know, je ne sais quoi.
Fear of being alone? Exactly.
Do you think she's a real redhead? Let's not think about that.
No.
Remind me not to get a vasectomy.
Remind me not to get married.
No, he's not mine.
I wish.
No, just call me "Uncle Mike.
" What's your name? Zoe.
Zoe? You're kidding.
I love that name.
If I had a girl, I'd name her Zoe.
Really? Hey, have you seen the girls? They should be back by now.
No, I haven't seen them.
Now am-scray on my par-tay, will you? You're killing my action.
Zoe.
Zoe.
Zoe.
I think he likes you, Zoe.
Hey.
I'm back.
Great.
So, how was the scavenger hunt? Treasure hunt, Dad.
Right, treasure.
How was that? Tell you about it over dinner? Dinner? Great.
Yeah.
We'll go see the Clint Black show afterwards.
I've already seen it.
But I'll see it again.
But wait a minute.
How could you have already seen it if it's one night only? I'll tell you all about it.
But I've gotta talk to Sam first.
Hey.
Hey, you're back.
Yes.
Yes, we are.
I was worried about you guys.
So, you didn't find any silver? Look at our faces.
Do we look rich? So I guess they don't call 'em legends for nothing.
I hate to say I told you so, but remember when I warned you? Remember when I was right? Good-bye.
Jerry, give us a couple of doubles of my special stash there, will you? Yes, sir.
If you're going to try to make me feel better, don't bother.
Now why the hell would I do something like that? I mean, the truth is that everything turned out okay so we should enjoy that for a while, you know? It's just that little baby, Carter.
Kent would have been a great dad to that kid and now his son will never know it.
Well, he will know it.
I mean, when he grows older, you'll tell him about it.
How's that? Yeah.
Yeah.
I could do that.
All right.
Anyway, you know before, when I said you know, I always wanted a son? Well, if I had one, he'd be about your age.
And I would have been real proud of him if he handled stuff the way you did.
I'll see you later.
Hey.
Richard Allen Wesley is dead.
You're kidding.
Killed in a prison fight.
It was all over MSNBC this morning.
What? You guys don't think I watch the news? No.
Okay, my manicurist told me.
But she saw it on MSNBC.
How's it feel knowing the man who tried to kill you is never coming back? Like I just won $1 million.
Speaking of $1 million, we were just wondering about the legend of Gardy Grissom's buried silver.
What? If the legend is true, you're the only one who knows where it is.
You said you'd never talk about it until he was dead, and Wes is dead, baby.
We were thinking maybe we could help you find it.
For a cut, of course.
Are you being serious? Yeah.
There's no silver.
Who buries treasure in the desert? Oh, I don't know.
Rich, eccentric millionaires like Gardy Grissom.
Yeah, but this guy could weave a tale.
So this was just one of them.
We'll never know until we start digging.
We'll take the day off.
It'll be an adventure.
I can't go, freaks.
I have to work.
I have a client coming in and he owns half the tanning salons in California.
Do you mind if we look for the silver? Well, okay.
But you're just going to waste your time.
Well, it's our time to waste.
Please? Fine.
I'll give you the supposed map.
But if you guys find any silver, I get my cut.
Of course.
All right.
Hey.
Hey.
What are you doin'? You missing a valet? No.
Actually, I'm just waitin' for Clint Black to show up.
Don't tell the brothers, but I'm a big fan.
No, not a soul.
But, you'll be waitin' about 24 hours.
So you might want to think about goin' back to work.
Isn't he checkin' in? No, he's not.
He's staying with some friends.
Welcome to the Montecito.
Thank you.
Do you happen to know where Danny McCoy is? Danny McCoy? Yeah.
I think he works in surveillance.
Yeah.
I think he was headed for that coffee shop.
It's right through there.
Thank you.
Sure.
Huh? Nah.
Danny? Yeah.
I'm Connie Beckner.
Sgt.
Beckner's wife? I was his wife.
Connie, of course.
I've seen your picture.
Your husband was a good Marine.
A good man.
He thought the same of you.
You're probably wondering what I'm doing here.
You don't know me but he always talked about you when he e-mailed or called.
It's great to finally meet you.
I meant to call you when I got back, but you know, things just I know.
I'm so sorry about what happened.
It's okay.
I know.
Have a seat.
Thank you.
Wow, look at this.
This is Carter.
Carter.
He looks just like his dad.
Kent always said if anything ever happened to him or if I needed anything, to look you up.
Of course.
Sure.
Is there something you need? I just drove all the way up from Tucson for a job interview and the friend that was supposed to watch Carter got sick.
So I was wondering, could you? Possibly? You want me to watch your baby? I don't know anybody else in town.
And the interview's in half an hour.
Yeah.
Yeah, sure.
I guess I could do that.
Thank you.
I'm sure it won't take long.
So, where's your interview? A management company.
Stoner Stoner Sacks? Yeah.
That's it.
It's just a bookkeeping job, but it's a start.
Here's the diaper bag.
Everything you need is in here.
His favorite binky is on the side pocket but only if he gets fussy.
You're not going to get fussy, are you? No, I didn't think so.
All my contact information is on the other side pocket, including my cell number.
Okay.
I got it.
Well, you look perfect.
So take a deep breath and just be yourself.
Okay.
I guess I should get going.
Okay.
So if you want to have lunch or something when you get back you know, we could talk.
That'd be nice.
Bye, sweetie.
I love you so much.
I'll see you.
Thank you.
No, no.
Connie? Mr.
Taylor? I'm Samantha Marquez, your casino host.
If we're gonna be lovers, you must call me Bernard.
Mr.
Taylor is my father.
Oh, he's still alive? I heard you were feisty.
We're going to have fun spending my money, I can tell.
Yes, we are, and please let me know any way that I can help you do that.
Anything not involving my chest.
There is one thing that would please me.
Of course.
No comps.
I want to pay for everything, including my suite.
You know that's a courtesy we extend to our preferred guests.
Well, I prefer not to be preferred.
I've got a lot of money in this bag, and I plan to throw it around.
Okay.
No freebies.
Lots of spending.
Anything else? Yes.
I want to throw a big bash tonight in that club of yours, Mystique.
Mystique, yes.
I hear it's very hot.
Actually it's scalding, but tonight is a little short notice Did I mention I'll pay you double? Mystique's yours.
What's the occasion? My wife's leaving me.
Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that.
Don't be.
It's my fourth divorce, and frankly I've come to enjoy them more than the marriages.
A little divorce party? Trend-setter, don't you think? I love it.
I'm seeing an ice sculpture, maybe champagne fountains, and you know, caviar, pâté, cracked crab.
Of course.
I'm also seeing the room packed with strange, beautiful women ideally all of questionable moral fiber.
That shouldn't be a problem.
I'll pass the word.
No blondes.
I detest blondes.
Number four was a blonde? All of them were, except for my first.
She was a raven-haired beauty.
And I did hate her the least.
Hi, Mitch.
Hi, Daddy.
Hi, honey.
I'm taking the day off.
That's nice.
Listen, I'm gonna need to borrow the hotel Escalade.
Our Escalade? What the heck for? Nessa, Mary, and I are going to the desert to look for buried treasure.
Buried treasure? Well, basically you're all taking the day off then? Oh, no.
Just me.
They're calling in sick.
Ed, we have a disturbance on the floor.
You want your binky? You want your binky? What the hell is a binky anyway? A pacifier.
What? Binky.
Pacifier.
Same thing.
I didn't know you knew anything about kids.
Really? Let me just ask you a question: Do you think that Delinda came into this world at 5-foot-9? Right.
Right.
So, excuse us.
Sorry, everybody.
Come on.
Walk.
How you doin'? You don't have to carry him like a bowl of soup, like it's hot soup.
Listen.
I guess you're gonna make me ask you.
What's with the baby, Danny? I'm just watchin' him for a couple hours while his mom's at a job interview.
That pretty brunette that came in this morning? Yeah.
Connie.
She's alone, and I sort of owe her.
And you owe her because Her husband Kent was one of the guys I gave the last order to.
So, the guy I sent you to talk to, how's that goin'? Good.
It's helpin'.
It's helpin', but Connie's counting on me, so I got to I'm counting on you too, Mom.
I'm counting on you not to empty out my casino which screaming, crying babies have a tendency to do.
I think he just misses his mom.
She'll be back pretty soon.
Here's your purse.
Shh.
Francesca, you got my message.
Final bets! There's a huge party at Mystique.
I can put you on the list if you want.
Come on, come on! Sweetie, is your hair still red? What the hell? Good for you.
See you tonight.
Nice! We have a winner on black 22.
I didn't come here to win.
I came here to lose.
They told me roulette was the worst odds.
Okay, I'm confused.
My wife will get 50% of everything in the divorce.
I plan on that being 50% of nothing.
Wait, so you plan on going broke just to screw your ex? Everything she could come after I've already sold.
I sold the tanning salons.
I sold the house.
Making you totally liquid.
Got it.
My entire net worth would fit in that briefcase.
Do you know how freeing that feels? It's like I'm not wearing underwear.
Bernard, I have to tell you, if you plan on spending all of that money here at the Montecito I'm feeling a little breezy myself.
Really? Shall we try craps? It even sounds like flushing money down the toilet.
Let's go lose.
Oh, yes.
Hey, Connie.
It's Danny.
Again.
Listen, I haven't heard back from you and I'm getting a little worried.
So, please, call me back as soon as you get this.
How much further? Where's the navigation system? Daddy took that out.
Says he didn't like being told what to do.
There's a surprise.
That's the top-of-the-line hand-held global positioning system.
256 color LCD display.
I'm feeling sick.
I already plugged in the coordinates into the geographical marker.
Sam's map will take us in the rest of the way.
Hey, shouldn't we pull over? She'll get over it.
When we were growing up, she complained all the way from Cinque Terre in the Northern Dolomites and all the way back to Rome.
It's just the bumpy roads, and the dust, and the nature.
There's a pressure point in between your thumb and the forefinger calms the stomach.
Global positioning gadgets, pressure points and, I might add, a backpack that actually looks used? I had no idea you were such a Girl Scout.
Daddy sent me to survival camp when I was 12.
You're kidding.
Trust me.
She isn't.
All the CIA dads were doing it.
For their sons.
What's that supposed to mean? Is it lost on you that your father wanted a boy? He did not! Watch out! Hey! Now look what you made me do! You were driving! Shut up! You shut up! Great! We're stranded.
We're not stranded.
I mean, we are, in the technical sense.
I'll just call the auto club.
We're gonna be fine.
Oh, my God.
That's not humanly possible.
Mother's not back yet? No, not yet.
I'm out of here.
All right.
Time for a coffee break.
You know what you gotta do? Throw this kid away and get a clean one? That is somewhat funny, but no.
Just change him.
What? No.
You do it.
Good luck, Danny.
No, you do that.
Me do it? Why would I do it? It's your favor.
Because you know babies.
You said Delinda was one yourself.
Shut up, just shut up.
Okay, get me the diaper bag.
The diaper bag.
Now, look, do this once, Danny boy, and I want you to watch and learn.
Only once.
Okay.
First, you lift the legs like this, right? Above the offending diaper.
And then, take the wipies out.
The wipies! You wipe him clean.
Gross.
This is I'm getting a vasectomy.
Now you take the dirty wipies and you put them into the dirty diaper and you roll it up.
Here you go.
Oh, no.
Now give me a clean diaper.
And you lift the little guy up and slide it right under him like that and then you lower him ever so gently, and there.
Is that better, little guy? What about this cream? You don't have to go there.
That's only if he's got irritation.
You know what? When Delinda was a baby she had the worst diaper rash ever.
Just a hunch, but she might want to keep that within the family.
She would sit around for hours in a wet diaper.
Just all smiles, not a peep.
I mean, she was really a happy baby.
I'm surprised you didn't have more kids.
Yeah.
I kinda wish I could have had a boy.
Of course, there are some drawbacks.
Leave.
Both of you leave.
Leave me alone.
Leave me alone.
I'm sure the auto club can find us if I can just get a signal.
Well, at least the vultures are gone.
Buzzards.
I got good news.
We're only 3.
4 miles northeast of the rock formation we're looking for.
That's lovely.
I think you're forgetting that we have a flat tire.
Maybe we should just leave the car here.
We're gonna have to hoof it part of the way anyway.
Is it not apparent that I don't hoof? You want to stay behind? That's cool.
Mary and I'll split it two ways.
You are manipulative.
Okay, maybe if we move I can get a signal.
And if we can't, I'll change the tire myself when we get back with the silver.
You can fix this? Yup.
Good thing Daddy convinced me to take auto shop instead of home ec.
I'm calling my lawyer, Bernie.
Good.
May I dial for you? Here, let's just put this down for 12, hard ways.
Boxcars.
That's what you'll be living in: A boxcar.
Carlos, I don't care what it is, as long as it's here by 10:00.
Just get my lawyer on the phone now.
See? Now I owe you.
Bernard is in Vegas.
Yeah, baby! Nothin'! Can I get you anything? What's with Mr.
And Mrs.
Melanoma over there? Bitter divorce.
He's trying to throw all their money away so she can't have any.
Really? That's some kinda genius.
Is he losin'? Oh, yeah.
I guess we should be happy then.
We should.
Snake eyes! Snake eyes in honor of the old ball and chain.
Divorce? Oh, yeah.
Look at this.
You know the house you had your eyes on in Malibu? I'm gonna kill you! Oh, no, no.
Get off me.
Watch the plugs! Watch the plugs! I'm sorry I ever met you.
It's a little late to apologize now.
Do you think there are snakes out here? Just the diamondback or the southwestern speckled rattler.
They tend to favor rocky, hilly areas.
Are you kidding me? No.
They definitely like the rocks and the hills.
I have to go the little girls' room.
I have a tissue.
Oh, no! What? The cap's fallen off my water.
Wonderful.
Did you have to go to the "little" girls' room, or the "big" girls' room? Use this.
"Krielcamp Properties.
" This is your rent check.
Yeah, well it's paper.
It's better than using leaves, right? Thank you, but I think I'll wait.
Nice choice with the kittens and puppies though.
Thank you.
Yeah, it's from the new SPCA series.
It's cute! Yeah.
Can we move now, please? Did you just stomp? For emphasis.
We're losing light.
Isn't that what we're looking for? This is it.
We're gonna be rich.
"Take a bearing at 35 degrees and travel 10 paces.
" And there we'll find the silver.
I have a problem.
Yeah, I can see that.
Connie's been gone for four hours.
I've left her several messages.
I even called the hospital.
That don't sound right.
A mother doesn't leave her baby that long.
She had a job interview? Stoner Sacks.
I called there, too.
Yeah? And when did they say she left? She didn't.
According to them, she never even had an interview.
When I put that all together I guess she chose to disappear.
Eight, nine, ten.
How do you know how wide to make each step? I think it's just a full stride.
Not if your legs are freakishly short.
No way that's really 10 paces.
My legs aren't freakishly short.
My inseam is 32 inches.
Mine's 34 inches.
I could kill you with this shovel right now and then bury you with it.
Bring it on, stumpy.
That is it! I have had it with you two! What's wrong? I knew you grew up in the same house together, you had a few issues.
I had no idea you actually hated one another.
Someone's a little grumpy.
She has to poop.
Danny, I checked that cellphone of Connie's you gave me and apparently the last two outgoing calls were to numbers here in Vegas.
Whose numbers were they? It was an escort service, Danny.
Look, the poor woman, she loses her husband has to raise her baby by herself add some financial troubles, and Financial problems? Yeah, when you and Kent were recalled this last time I guess the business went south, and obviously military pay couldn't cover the costs and the bank repossessed the house.
I don't get it, man.
I mean, why me? Why not somebody who knows somethin' about kids? A brother? A sister? Anybody? Her parents live in Denver.
They're on their way out now.
Didn't they know somethin' was wrong? They do now.
Come on.
Where're we goin'? The escort service.
I know the place.
I've been throwing those girls out of here for years.
What about Carter? It's all right.
Mike'll watch him.
Mike will? Yes, Mike will.
You're gonna have to feed him.
He doesn't like anything green.
I'd go with the butternut squash.
Dude, you're killing me here.
Okay, little man.
Let's talk.
We got to come up with some kind of understanding here, okay? Ground rules.
Otherwise, this isn't going to work out.
You get me? That is such a cute baby.
Oh, my gosh.
I didn't know you liked babies.
Who, me? I love them.
What was that? Just a coyote.
How do you know it wasn't just a wolf? Who cares? I don't want to see either one.
A wolf is technically more ferocious much larger, and capable of taking down a full-grown adult.
That wasn't a wolf.
Are you sure? There are no wolves in Nevada.
At least I don't think there are.
Guys, it's gonna be getting dark soon.
I think we should get the hell out of here.
I think we should keep digging.
I think we should take a vote.
Okay.
All in favor of being wuss-ass girls and scurrying back to the car like a bunch of prisses, raise their hands.
My baby? I wish.
He is adorable, isn't he? No, I'm just babysitting.
I don't know, I love kids.
Very, very, very paternal.
Hey, I found this down the hall.
Man, I just turned my head for a second.
Yeah.
Okay, maybe for a minute.
Whatever.
Want to take it please? Take him.
Take him.
Okay.
Listen, have you seen Ed? I need to talk to him about Bernard's divorce party.
He's with Danny, looking for his mother.
Ain't that right, big man? Ain't that right? Let's go fishing.
I got to hand it to you.
You pulled it off.
As the kids say, this place rocks.
I am so glad you're happy.
Well, happier than Tad and Antonio.
Yes.
Cold feet an hour before the wedding.
They're better off.
I hope you didn't give me a discount on that thing.
Absolutely not, no discounts for you.
Only full price.
You know? That's what I like about you.
You know how to treat me.
I'm gonna miss you when I'm broke.
We're looking for this girl.
Her name is Connie.
How did you get this address? We are strictly phone and internet here.
Where is she? She's not available.
You sent her out? That's confidential, to protect the girls.
Maybe we should pin a medal on this guy.
What? Stanley, is it? Yeah.
We're kinda short on time, so I thought maybe we could step this up a little bit.
Where is Connie Beckner? Listen, all right, I took care of her.
It's her first time, she was a little nervous so I set her up with Harvey.
He's an older guy.
Two drinks and those seniors rarely close the deal.
I want an address.
Wait! He wanted to have dinner first.
He likes to talk.
Go figure.
If she was comfortable, they were going back to his room at the Desert Valley.
Bungalow 2.
Okay.
You can handle this on your own.
He's an older guy.
Here you go, Stanley.
How can there be no jack in a $60,000 car? I don't know.
Why is a nickel bigger than a dime? Check, please.
So, conveniently, you didn't look to make sure there was a tire kit but you had the presence of mind to bring sleeping bags.
You planned this, didn't you? Please.
I'm missing a seaweed wrap at the spa as we speak.
The rent check.
In your backpack.
Give it to me now.
I already cashed it in.
Great.
No toilet paper.
No phone.
No food.
But what is there no shortage of? Wolves.
Coyotes.
And don't worry about food.
We can't starve.
Did you know that there are more than 20 grams of protein in a single cricket? You, shut your pie hole.
Great.
Now I want pie.
And, you, give me that bandana.
This is not a bandana.
This is Hermes.
Now.
We've had some good times.
I think we'll both feel better with a little bubbly, don't you? Okay.
Danny? What are you doing here? I was just gonna ask you the same thing.
I don't know who you are, but you're sort of on my dime here.
I'm her husband.
Her what? But she's She's a mother.
That's what she is.
Danny, please.
Listen, I was just looking for a little company.
I don't want any trouble.
Maybe I should give you two a little privacy.
Thank you.
I'm sorry.
I am, too, my dear.
So, when were you gonna come back for your son, Connie? Tonight? Maybe next week? Maybe never? Bernard, have you thought this through? I mean, you're going to have nothing, as in, no things.
I don't really see you sleeping on percale.
You strike me as a 600 thread count kind of guy.
Well, I started with nothing.
Lean, mean, well, maybe a little pale.
But they were, you know, good times.
Look, I got a lot of money stashed in a Swiss account.
I knew it.
So Katy sees you lose everything fires all her lawyers, and just leaves.
I hop on a flight to Switzerland where everybody is Blonde? Wait a minute.
Is that irony or is that something else? That is a brilliant plan.
Cruel and brilliant.
Sadly, love is a little of both.
Fortunately, I wouldn't know.
If you ask me, love is a sucker's bet.
And you and all your little games as, understand, as profitable as they are for me and as fun as they are for you, only prove my point.
Samantha? Yes.
I can promise you one thing.
One day, some tanned young man will sweep you off your feet and you'll be so intoxicated with passion that you'll just take that bet but it's only a sucker's bet if you forget to hide at least half of it from the one you love.
Who is that redhead? Trying to take care of Carter and trying to pay bills and time to miss Kent, to grieve him that time's a luxury.
Why didn't you just ask me for help? Because I have all this debt I can't pay back and a few bucks from your wallet isn't gonna help.
I'll get you a job, Connie.
A place to stay.
We'll figure this out.
A minimum wage job is all I qualify for.
I can make $1,000 a night doing this.
Being a hooker? You think this is what I want? I didn't choose this.
It chose me.
It's the only thing I can do to earn enough to get myself out of debt.
And when I'm done, I'll come back and get Carter, and give him what he needs.
What he deserves.
So until then, you just hand him off to me and just say see you later? How can you just walk away from your son? I know he'll be safe with you.
You don't know anything about me.
Kent told me that you wanted a family that you were coming home to propose to the girl next door.
Mary.
Kent said that? He also told me that you were strong and kind a decent man.
I figured who better to leave my son with? Just for a little while.
What about your parents? I can't call them.
Why? What did they do to you that you can't ask them for help on somethin' like this? They didn't approve of Kent.
They didn't even show up for our wedding.
But Carter is their grandson.
Yeah, well they don't even know he exists.
They do now.
They're on their way out.
No.
I can't face them.
Connie, they're obviously worried about you.
They love you.
Come back with me.
I know you're nervous about it, but they're your parents.
Come on.
I can't.
You know those stars are four light years away.
We're looking at light from the year 2000.
A shooting star.
Did you see it, D? I think you're right.
Daddy really did want a son.
He didn't.
I was just being snarky.
We don't have that "click.
" You see him with Danny.
Click, click, click.
Sweetie, what they have it isn't better.
It's just different.
I want Daddy and me to be close you know, like George Jetson and daughter Judy or Cliff Huxtable and what's-her-name.
The one who married Lenny Kravitz.
Lisa Bonet? Yeah.
You do realize that none of those people are real.
They're characters on TV shows.
So? They were still close.
The man lights up whenever you walk into a room.
How much closer can you get? You really think he lights up? Definitely.
I mean, I guess if he did want a son they would have just had another baby, right? There you go.
You were enough.
Yeah.
Unless there was some sort of fertility issue.
Did you hear that? What? Like the heavy footsteps of a rapist? Yeah, that.
Ladies.
It's Clint Black.
You're Clint Black.
Yeah, I didn't mean to scare y'all.
I'm staying at a friend's ranch over here and saw the light from your fire and just got a little curious.
Excuse me, did you just say "ranch"? Yeah.
I'm doin' a concert tomorrow night and I don't go in for all the glitz and glamour so I like to stay out here.
Boy, y'all really tore that tire up.
We don't have a jack.
Well, that's no good.
I tell you what, I can get one and fix that for y'all in the mornin' but the question is what to do with y'all tonight? I think you should probably cash out.
Right? You're absolutely right.
I'll cash out.
Half of that is mine.
She's back.
I beg your pardon? Fifty-fifty, Bernie.
That's the law.
She's right, Bernard.
Give her share.
Gold digging to the end, I see.
Well, here you are, 100 big ones.
Don't spend it all in the same place.
You're an ass.
Bye-bye.
Tell it walking, sweetheart.
Samantha? Yes.
It's been a pleasure.
I'm sorry to rush off but I told Francesca I'd meet her Francesca.
Redhead Francesca from the party? The first moment I saw her I knew we had a certain, you know, je ne sais quoi.
Fear of being alone? Exactly.
Do you think she's a real redhead? Let's not think about that.
No.
Remind me not to get a vasectomy.
Remind me not to get married.
No, he's not mine.
I wish.
No, just call me "Uncle Mike.
" What's your name? Zoe.
Zoe? You're kidding.
I love that name.
If I had a girl, I'd name her Zoe.
Really? Hey, have you seen the girls? They should be back by now.
No, I haven't seen them.
Now am-scray on my par-tay, will you? You're killing my action.
Zoe.
Zoe.
Zoe.
I think he likes you, Zoe.
Hey.
I'm back.
Great.
So, how was the scavenger hunt? Treasure hunt, Dad.
Right, treasure.
How was that? Tell you about it over dinner? Dinner? Great.
Yeah.
We'll go see the Clint Black show afterwards.
I've already seen it.
But I'll see it again.
But wait a minute.
How could you have already seen it if it's one night only? I'll tell you all about it.
But I've gotta talk to Sam first.
Hey.
Hey, you're back.
Yes.
Yes, we are.
I was worried about you guys.
So, you didn't find any silver? Look at our faces.
Do we look rich? So I guess they don't call 'em legends for nothing.
I hate to say I told you so, but remember when I warned you? Remember when I was right? Good-bye.
Jerry, give us a couple of doubles of my special stash there, will you? Yes, sir.
If you're going to try to make me feel better, don't bother.
Now why the hell would I do something like that? I mean, the truth is that everything turned out okay so we should enjoy that for a while, you know? It's just that little baby, Carter.
Kent would have been a great dad to that kid and now his son will never know it.
Well, he will know it.
I mean, when he grows older, you'll tell him about it.
How's that? Yeah.
Yeah.
I could do that.
All right.
Anyway, you know before, when I said you know, I always wanted a son? Well, if I had one, he'd be about your age.
And I would have been real proud of him if he handled stuff the way you did.
I'll see you later.