Men in Trees s02e05 Episode Script

Previously on "Men in Trees" Patrick and Annie You did their charts? If they get married, it's gonna be a great wall of disaster.
My family's gonna love you.
Hi.
I'm,uh-- you're Patrick.
You are gonna love these guys,ma.
You're the first woman I've ever dated that makes me wanna throw my vows right out the window.
I haven't been able to get you out of my head.
I'm sorry.
I'm not ready.
I got this job offer.
I know.
I took it.
We both need some time and space.
Well,I guess nine months at sea is gonna give us a lot of that.
Run! Annie No.
Annie? No.
What is it? No.
Jack.
Jack.
oh,mai.
Are you okay? you and Jack are in big trouble.
I had a dream-- a premonition.
You and Jack were in a forest being chased by a wolf-- a hungry wolf-- and then you came to a clearing,and and? And you needed Jack,and he was gone! Poof! Okay,mai,you are just having some pre-wedding stress.
Can I get you a sedative? I need you to listen to me.
Okay,let's review.
Uh,Jack was gone in your dream because he's going to the bering sea for nine months to study whales.
-No.
-And you are dreaming about wolves because these are all over town.
You gotta watch out for your man.
Jack is not my man.
Not if you let him go.
Do you ever feel like kicking god out of bed? I do,because our relationship with god-- it's like a marriage.
There are days that we know without a doubt that this is the person we want to spend the rest of our life with, and then there's days where we just-- we want god to get out of our face so we can have some alone time.
I'm here to tell you that's okay, and if you and god aren't communicating in here, maybe you need to go out there--the world,nature.
Alaska--I mean,it's some of the most beautiful land on this earth,and god created it.
Remember why you fell in love with him her in the first place.
so get out there.
Climb a mountain.
Row a boat.
Run through the woods and scream at the top of your lungs.
Any way that you go about it,god will join you.
my pleasure.
Good to see you.
Thank you.
See you next sunday.
So,Sara Jackson,you finally saw me give a sermon.
Yes,I did.
Is it wrong to say I was slightly turned on? Okay,that is the best review I've had all day.
Some of these people--they think I'm a little unorthodox.
They prefer sermons you can sleep through.
hi,steve.
How's it going? yeah.
was that bad? No,as kisses go,I think it was pretty extraordinary.
guys! this is my mom.
Welcome to elmo! Thank you.
Mai.
Patrick's mommai.
Okay.
Buzz's wife.
Okay.
The mail order bride? Oh,I-I thought that was a joke.
So did I when I first placed the ad.
Who's laughing now? Come here.
I'm Patrick's mother.
so I brought you something from new york.
We brought you something,too.
Ooh,well,look at that.
We're all gonna wear them tomorrow for the first rehearsal.
Oh,there's more than one rehearsal? Oh,it's very complicated,but don't you worry.
Celia and I have it all mapped out.
You just have to show up.
Well,I certainly hope I can do a little more than that.
Well,you can wear the shirt.
Easier not to resist.
I'm getting that.
Perfect.
Now what did you bring for us? Well,actually,it's something I brought for Annie.
Yay! look.
Domino dan.
Is it legal to bring that thing on the plane? This thing is my cat.
I-I've had him for ten years.
And he's come all this way just to be in your wedding.
What?What-- what's he gonna do? No.
No,I have very specific plans.
Nobody told me about a cat.
I always wanted domino dan to be my ring bearer.
And that is why I made this tiny pillow! look at that! It's perfect.
Oh,momS.
I'm getting married in ten days.
Group hug.
come on.
Come on.
Come on.
Group hug.
Okay,kitty.
If your new hockey team can play as well as your mascot can drink, you're in for a winning season.
How come the husky gets to drink for free,huh? All team members do.
It's one of the benefits of having an owner that runs a bar.
Huskies doing shots.
And you were upset that I gave a raccoon a protein bar.
Yeah,no more of that when I'm gone.
I can't believe you're leaving in 11 days.
Yeah,well,you'll survive,I hope.
So after the husky passes out,can I be the mascot? There's actually some skill involved,jerome.
He skates in that suit.
And I bet he does funny falls.
I'll do funny falls,too,after 12 shots of whiskey.
Yeah,but he gets back up.
No,look,they only drink for free in the off-season.
Well,that must explain why they're having an off season for the last eight years.
Hey,all that's gonna change now that I'm in charge.
I like this "in charge" guy.
Got the latest wolf posters.
Oh,and I got your wedding wine shipment last night.
It's all safe in the back.
And the nonalcoholic stuff for my dad? The faux-jolais?Yeah.
That is an affront to mankind.
Oh,so the wolves are getting closer,huh? Yeah,they sighted one in sitka yesterday.
You gonna go find 'em,Jack? Well,I'm trying.
They're running pretty quick.
Can they kill you? Look,if you see one,just throw something at it and yell.
And then I'll call you.
Good thinkin'.
and turn and dragon wink.
Go higher,higher! Go for the fire! You with us,mary alice? all I can see is floor.
What,you already attached the rings? I gotta get the little guy acclimated to the weight.
and stop.
Okay.
It's great.
Does the dragon seem angry to yo okay.
Let's take a break.
Okay,I'm sorry,but about this dragon isn't it fabulous? It--it's important for mommai to blend cultures at the wedding.
Yes,and I embrace it.
As you know,I played "the good woman of setzuan" at the boardwalk dinner theater, but as mother of the bride,I feel that my character definitely belongs in the head.
Oh,no.
The head is very difficult to operate.
They even have special schools for that.
It's better in the tail.
She can't kick you from there.
Hey,padre,can I talk to you about a nonskid runner? You know,you and I should have lunch-- just the two of us,you know? Just the "bio-moms.
" The "bio-moms"-- now that's a t-shirt.
Okay,everybody.
Ready for our test run.
Annie.
-Now,marin,on my signal -yeah.
You and domino dan will follow the trail up to me.
You ready? You bet.
Here we go! he's just standing there.
He's just getting in the zonE.
Any moment now,he's gonna run out the door! Our rings! Where'd he go? Domino dan! Domino! Domino dan! good little kitty! Kitty,kitty! Domino! Proudly Presents Season 2 Episode 05 kitty,kitty,kitty,kitty.
when domino dan runs away in queens,at least he can smell his way home.
The sausage factory's right around the corner,but here,there's nothing to smell but clean air.
Anne elizabeth,listen to me.
We will weather this storm.
The women in our family do not cry around weddings.
We do not cry.
We do not quit.
-Why,your great-great-grandmother bridget sullivan-- -bridget sullivan never shed a tear.
Not a single tear,and she got married during the great famine.
They had nothing to serve at that wedding but gruel and horse meat.
If the famine did not get us,we are certainly not going to cry over something like a lost kitty cat.
The week before the wedding is such a stressful time.
I've seen women cry over burnt toast.
Not Annie.
Kitty,kitty,kitty,kitty,kitty.
Kitty,kitty.
So what's going on in there? Some sort of talent show? No,it's a wedding rehearsal.
Came to bring you this.
Okay.
I'm being called before the board.
We're concerned you're doing some things that are pretty,uh Nontraditional.
Things like weddings? Things like sermons not from the pulpit,suggesting that god might be a woman,now the dragons.
Yeah,I-I'm,um,not a traditional guy.
I thought that the board wanted that.
Yeah,well,traditionally,our pastors don't have premarital relations.
Excuse me? You haven't exactly hidden the fact that you're seeing someone now.
Yes,I'm seeing Sara Jackson.
We're having a relationship,but that doesn't mean that we're having relations.
right.
So you're ving a platonic relationship with a woman who used to be the town's-- no.
Uh,okay.
here,kitty,kitty,kitty.
I'm--I'm not gonna stop seeing Sara because it makes a few folks uncomfortable.
Well,those folks are the people you came here to lead, people who count on you for spiritual guidance, people who believe in you and the vows you made to the church and to god.
Now you wanna risk all that for one woman? Here,kitty,kitty,kitty,kitty,kitty.
So you're asking mto choose between Sara and my job.
I'll see you on sunday.
What was that for? The cat was the first sign.
The feline is all-knowing,and it knew my charts for Patrick and Annie were right.
This union is doomed.
All right,would you stop with the chinese zodiac? The cat took off because he knew he looked stupid.
He was wearing a pillow.
What are we gonna do? Am not gonna tell my son he can't get married because a rabbit doesn't like a pig or whatever the hell it is.
Rabbit and pig? We should be so lucky.
Come on.
Thanks for coming so fast,Jack.
No problem.
It was big! this isyour emergency? the drunk mascot from ben's hockey team? Well,he was a little more convincing when he was conscious.
Yeah,well,I think you're safe.
Well,this time.
But who am I gonna call next time I have a real animal emergency? Well,I have a replacement coming in the next few weeks.
Oh,the next few weeks?Oh,that's great.
Note to self-- do not get attacked by a wolf in the next few weeks.
Hey.
Are you okay? Well,excuse me for caring about the well-being of elmo.
I worry about elmo all the time.
You think it's easy for me to leave? I don't know.
Kinda seems so.
It's not.
I guess there is a part of me that doesn't want you to go.
Uh,sorry.
I'm sorry.
it's okay.
It's-- I-I can't do this.
If I kiss you,I'm gonna want to stay.
No,I get it.
Go.
Go.
Marin,if you want me to stay,just say so,and I'll stay.
Well,I'm not gonna be that girl.
I'm not gonna be that girl who asks you to stay.
But you want me to stay.
You should stay because you want to,not because I say to.
-That's crazy.
-Is it? Yeah,now you're just jerking me around.
What,I'm jerking you around? Yeah,you are.
Okay,if I was jerking you around--which P.
S.
I am not-- I would have every right to.
You have been jerking me around for months.
So now what,you're just trying to get back at me? No,I am expressing to you how I feel.
I'm leaving.
You have made that very clear! I know I said I wanted a veteran on the team,but this guy's washed up.
I gave the pay phone number to alexandre brovka's agent.
chieftain.
Well,y-yeah,this is the,um,official bar of the alaska huskies.
Please hold.
Some guy with an accent.
Russian or polish? Could--could you say,uh,"the rain in spain stays maly in the plain"? Definitely a russki.
All right,listen,when you come back with a realistic counter,call me.
Oh,and then there's aunt ivy.
She's a talker,and she's got dementia.
I never know what to do with her.
Well,put her over by the jukebox with my deaf cousin stan.
He'll never know what hit him.
I'm so glad that Annie was busy with her bridal beauty regime.
Gives us a little time alone.
I do so appreciate you including me in some of the planning.
Nonsense.
You're the mother of the bride.
You can't be left out.
Compliments of the chieftain-- proud sponsor of the wedding reception.
Welcome to elmo.
Well,that is so sweet.
Cheers.
Well,shall we have a little toast? Well,I'm on duty.
Can't indulge.
Oh,well,of course.
I shouldn't either.
Bob doesn't approve.
Then again,Bob's not here.
Shall we toast the kids? Well,just a sip.
-To Annie and Patrick.
-To Patrick and Annie.
Mary alice! Celia? Is that a seating chart? And champagne? No,this is not what it looks like.
Oh,you're not arranging seats and living the high life without me? Would you like a glass,dear? Oh,I wouldn't want to interrupt.
-Mai-- -excuse me.
Good day,ladies.
thcountdown is upon us! Yeah,I gotta tell you,I'm just super psyched.
I mean,I-I knew I wanted to marry Annie when I asked her, but the closer we get to the altar,the more I know for sure.
She's the one.
Numero uno.
That is so great.
You're lucky.
Some people don't know how they feel until they get that ring on and commit to being together or commit to being apart.
commitment is complicated.
When things get a little hairy,we have to decide-- should we stay or should we go? Animals have instincts about these things--fight or flight-- but human relationships are more complex.
How do we know when to give up the fight? Annie,have you seen my,uh,battery-powered--whoa.
-What-- -I knew it.
My face is a disaster.
What?Oh,no.
No.
You winced,like when people see a car crash.
My face is a car crash.
Annie,seriously,it's not that well,I'm--I'm sure that you could do something to fix it somehow.
Oh,no.
No,no.
No,no,no,no,no,no.
No.
Here you go.
It's gonna be okay.
I-I don't need those.
The women of my family do not cry around weddings.
Oh,okay.
Marin would know what to do.
Have you seen marin? I don't think she and I are talking.
-Why not? -We had a fight.
I know you can't tell by my expression right now,but I'm very upset.
What did you fight about? Uh,I have no idea.
You're thinking about your eyebrow right now,aren't you? I'm sorry.
I'm too disfigured to listen.
All right.
What's the sermon about? I don't-- I don't know yet.
I'm having A I'm having a tough time with this one.
Writer's block? No,it's more like soul block.
Tell me.
I really shouldn't involve you in this.
No,involve me.
I wanna be involved.
We're involved.
I'm being called in front of the board.
Apparently,they think that you and I are having sex.
So I am involved.
It's none of their business.
Besides,they should have a little bit more faith in me.
Here I am.
I'm doing the right thing, which is not easy,because you are very sexy,and I'm still getting flack.
this is at I was worried about.
I don't wanna mess things up for you.
Hey,you are not messing things up.
Other than god,you are the best thing that's ever happened to me.
Really,Sara,you are unbelievable.
I really need to stop kissing you before I do something that I know that I shouldn't.
sabout time.
They've been going at it for a half an hour now.
hey! Hey,break it up,you two! are you an angel? For crying out loud.
You're not an angel.
You're gonna marry my daughter's son.
Hey! Okay,yeah,let's go.
Come on.
Hey! Come on.
My dragon's draggin'.
I'm not usually like this.
I don't know what came over me.
You want more? Yes.
I do want more.
Sometimes I just feel like I can't breathe.
You know,I get this thing in the back of my throat,and I just feel like oh,thank god you're here.
Yes.
I brought my kudzu hangover tea for your new drunkety-drunk best friend.
not that either of you deserve my help.
After what you did! What?I was just being sociable.
You hate society.
You could've included me in your dumb lunch.
I would've included you.
Oh,really? Like you included me in your dragon head and your t-shirts and your crazy charts? I think I'm okay.
Well,fine,consider yourself crossed off my list.
Oh,please-- no,no,I will still celebrate the ominous nuptials of our ospring,but you and I? We're through.
I am no longer talking to you.
startingnow! drunkety drunk feels awful.
I an,I didn't mean to leave her out.
Well,actually,I did.
But now I feel terble.
Well,that's probably the champagne/vodka combo.
No,it's because that's exactly how I felt at my own wedding.
I mean,Bob insisted on inviting his entire extended family, but there wasn't room for my cousin ethel.
I didn't even get to choose the kind of cake that I wanted, because Bob thought that devil's food was too risque.
But the icing on top of that tasteless vanilla cake was when Bob led the conga line and nobody even came to grab me.
I had to join the back of the conga line at my own wedding.
I wanted to cry.
But,you see,the women in our family don't cry at their wdings.
uh,I think I'm ready to come out now.
I'd like to start today by thanking all of you who participated in the spaghetti dinner, which managed to raise 104 big ones, so give yourselves a round of applause everyone.
It's a beautiful thing when people come together in a common goal, whether it be celebrating the lord or selling garlic breaD.
excuse me.
Could I sit here? This seat is taken.
Now let's,um Let's get down to business,staying on the subject of charity,one of my, uh,one of my favorite passages is corinthians chapter 13,verse 13.
"And now abideth faith,hope,charity,"these three-- but the greatest of these is charity.
this is hilarious.
I'm talking about charity,and you folks won't even give a lady a seat.
I became a pastor because I wanted to make a difference.
I felt--I believe that god put me on this earth to share my gift of faith with others.
But some people here-- some people who supposedly represent the interests of this parish have made it car that they don't have faith in me.
And if you don't have faith in me,I can't do my job for god.
So as of today I'll be tendering my resignation.
I don't know where I'm gonna find myself next week,but I have faith that it's all gonna work out.
And I hope that the faithful among you will eventually join me.
what are you doing? Choosing you.
I feel really guilty.
Why?You didn't ask him to leave.
No,but he left for me.
No one's ever done that before.
No one's left a job,let alone a whole friggin' church.
what if I'm not worth it? You are worth it.
That is so romantic.
The man left his church for you.
As opposed to Jack,who can't get far enough away from me.
What hned? Oh,we had a fight-- a huge fight.
About what? Wolves him staying,him g going.
I'm--I'm not really sure.
Oh,you had that fight.
What? The fight you have so it'll be easier to be apart.
Emotional distance to avoid thinking about real distance.
You're good.
maybe you don't want him to leave.
Maybe you want him to choose you over his job.
No,I never would've said that.
But didn't you?In a way with that fight? Well,I didn't want to fight.
I just wanted to talk.
What do they say about plans? God laughs.
I'm trying to get on god's good side.
I just stole his boyfriend.
I'm really sorry.
You can still have your church wedding,but I just can't perform the ceremony.
But we want you to do it.
And I still can.
I just can't do it in the church.
We'll figure it out.
It's cool.
Right? yeah.
It's--it's cool.
hey.
Hi.
man.
I really messed up.
Those kids-- they didn't do anything wrong,and I lost them their church.
Why couldn't I have waited until after the wedding to get all defiant? You followed your heart.
It's admirable.
Well,it's a problem.
I leap first,then think.
It gets me in trouble.
Come on.
How much trouble does a man of god get into? I could go for some mint tea.
How about you,snookums? Annie,we no longer have a location in which to get married.
It's okay to have a little freak out right about now.
I don't need a little freak out,Patrick.
Really? No domino dan,no wedding band,no are you deliberately trying to upset me? Because it's not gonna work.
No,no,no,no,I'm-- I'm just telling you it's okay if you wanna postpone the wedding for a couple weeks.
Patrick,this is a marriage.
It's not like picking a different movie time.
We are getting married at the aforementioned time and a different place.
That's all.
So you're really okay? I'm really okay.
Churches are stuffy anyhow.
I just like that big,wide aisle and the bells.
Yeah.
I really wanted church bells and two eyebrows.
But all I really need is you.
You're such a little trooper.
I wanna make our wedding your best day ever.
please move.
That was cool.
hello,mai.
Pitcher You're still not talking to me? oh,hey,guys.
Could you please tell mai she's being ridiculous? Um,can't you? No,she's not talking to me.
You,I gotta talk to you.
Come.
Um,why aren't you speaking with celia? Because she betrayed me and she mocked my astrological belief system and dire predictions.
Like someone else I know.
Oh,yeah,I saw your big,bad wolf.
You did? Wanna know what it did? It ran off.
So you can stop your prophesying about Jack and me.
Hello,mai.
-Marin.
-Hey.
Jack I'm sorry about the other day.
I was picking a fight with you.
Why? Because I'm mad that you're leaving.
sad.
Covered in a coating of mad and bitchy.
that's a lot of layers.
Yeah,but you need to go.
You have to go.
It's a great opportunity,and I didn't mean to make it harder on you.
I worry about you all the time.
I know you do.
You worry about everyone.
But I'll be okay.
I promise.
I will look out for me.
And you take care of whatever you need to do.
Why is mai staring at us? it's a long story.
Patrick? What's going on? It was supposed to be a surprise.
What did you do? I got you your bell.
And tomorrow I'm gonna rig it up on the roof.
We can get married right here.
Where we met! Where we met.
We're gonna ring that bell for all of alaska to hear,and we'll be okay.
Yeah,I'll have the paperwork drafted,and you'll have it on your desk tomorrow.
This is gonna be great.
Thanks,victor.
Bye.
I did it.
Did what? I got my goalie,alexandre brovka.
Oh,man,it took forever,but I knew I was gonna get him.
I just had to stick with it.
Why--why were you negotiating outside? I needed some quiet.
Well,how long were you out there? Uh,a few minutes.
You've been outside for 44 minutes? Who's been watching the bar? jerome,get back around the bar.
Sorry.
The husky was thirsty.
Yeah.
Are you the owner of this bar? Yeah.
Yes.
Ben thomasson.
David west,state liquor board.
Do you have any idea of how illegal it is to have a customer serve drinks? Uh,he's just I'm gonna have to shut this place down.
Uh,listen,we're supposed to have a wedding reception here.
I can't believe this.
You ruined their wedding.
-oh,hi,sweetie.
-You're not gonna believe this! -Oh,my goodness!Hi,Patrick.
-Look,we have a bell! Hey! After you why,thank you,chief celia.
So I know it's not perfect,but I think we can make it happen.
Make it happen? We built the set for "show boat" in a day.
We can do it! You're not gonna be able to fit all your guests in here.
Unh-unh,it's a fire hazard.
Annie,I have something for you.
Come.
This tea set has been in my family for centuries.
It's very special to me.
And now I would like to share it with you.
I-it'sbeautiful.
Before your wedding,you have a tea ceremony right here.
This tea set is very lucky,Annie.
Every couple who drinks from it is blessed.
And I mean,seriously blessed-- no divorces,no dying young,no curses no nothing.
I love it.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
Whatno! Get back,everyone.
Patrick,oh,my god! What happened? I'm gonna need some ice.
I'm good.
I'm good.
I just gotta walk it off.
Look at me.
Patrick! Can you feel anything? Do--do you know where you are? Annie,I'm so sorrY.
It's okay,Patrick.
It's really okay.
You and I are still getting married.
It's kinda funny now,right? I mean,what else can go wrong? Everything! This wedding is cursed! I did your charts a while ago,just for fun, to celebrate your union-- your tragic,doomed union.
Something is wrong with their signs? Everything is wrong.
If they get married,it will be a disaster.
What? I can't believe you told them! wait.
You ew about this? Well,don't be silly.
It's--it's nothing.
I woul't exactly call it nothing.
Maybe if we had told them,none of this would've happened! You're just trying to ruin my son's wedding because for once you weren't the center of attention! I hope you enjoyed your moment in the spotlight,sister, because from now on,you are dead to me! Impossible! I cannot be dead to a corpse,which is what you are to me! Oh,my god.
Annie! are you okay? The wedding is off.
faced with a choice between fleeing or fighting, sometimes even the strongest of us run.
* I still remember that time when we were dancing we were dancing to a song that I'd heard * * your face was simple and your hands were naked * * I was singing without knowing the words * eric,you can't.
It's against your vows.
animal instincts serve animals well.
I want you.
But we are human,and we make mistakes.
* So long so high so long,so high so long * welcome to Elmo Alaska for the lone wolves among us, self-preservation is easy.
because they are not trying to preserve a relationship.
unlike animals, most of us have emotions clouding our vision.
we want to look out, not just for ourselves but for each other.
Hey,domino dan! Here,boy! Oh,my goodness! Until we realize,in the end,human or animal we are all alone.
And we will have to fightfor ourselves.