Men of a Certain Age s02e05 Episode Script
And Then The Bill Comes
Ooh! That's what I call serious cheddar! Ha ha! Yeah! Hey, I thought you had the day off.
Oh, I just came by to get my check And to pick out my demo.
Ah.
Feels good to finally be selling some cars, doesn't it? It does not suck.
What happened Melissa make you clean out the garage or something? Oh, no.
This is the future, man.
Vinyl? I think you got that backwards.
No, I want to get rid of all this muzak shit.
Class up the place with a little, uh, herbie and maybe some miles.
I got some '60s funk that'll blow your mind! Oh, yeah, boss.
Maybe throw in a little rap.
No.
Seen Bruce? I'm taking him fishing.
Unless, of course, you need him to help organize your record collection.
Oh, go on.
Laugh.
Heads up.
Lawrence is coming.
Yes, I'm just trying to talk the boss into giving you the day off.
Too nice a day not to be out on the water.
Sorry, guys.
I got to talk to Owen.
There's a problem? Yeah, there's a problem.
That fat load in service just called me a dwarf in front of a customer! Uh, what do you prefer "Little person"? Oh, yeah.
That's funny.
I know.
I know.
But you know what? Not in front of an up.
Okay? That's so not cool! Yo.
Yo, son? You need to go talk to your boy Jesse again.
I just told him I needed to spot-clean a malibu, 'cause some jerks baby threw up in the backseat.
He told me it was gonna take him an hour, Owen! My customer walked out.
Yeah.
They do that on purpose.
All right? They hate us! Now, hold on a minute.
Let's just everybody calm down.
No, I won't calm down! All right?! Well, then I think we've got a boat to catch.
Are you coming? I am now.
I- I'll handle it.
I'll handle it.
Hey.
Good to see you.
Hey, Dashaun.
We need some vampire teeth here.
I can't keep them on the shelves, Mr.
t.
All those "twilight" movies, man.
Yeah, yeah, but That's the sexy, teen, "look at my muscles" vampire.
All right? What about Dracula? Just plain old Dracula.
Yeah.
Dracula.
That's old-school.
No, that's the real deal.
The white face, cape, and "I vant to suck your blood " A little respect for Dracula.
Everybody forgets who starts stuff.
Oh, God.
Hey, Dashaun.
Is there hair on my face? I keep seeing this thing It's like in the corner of my eye Think it is And then I look in the mirror, and it's it's gone.
It's weird.
I know it's right in there, 'cause I press down, and it goes away, and then bam, it's back up, it's flickering around.
It's Take a look at this lady.
Don't look.
Don't look right now.
An old lady over there just kind of giving me the stink-eye.
Shoplifter? No.
I think so.
No.
Hey, Maria.
Did that lady buy something? The lady with the purple thing? I don't think so.
Why? She's a shoplifter.
No, no.
Come on.
We don't know that.
We don't know that.
Just everybody You know what Keep an eye out, 'cause this holiday just brings out the weirdos.
I think it's so sad when old people steal.
I guess that's what happens when you're old and you don't have a family.
Hmm.
oh.
I'm sorry, Mr.
T.
I got a family.
Okay? And and How old do you guys think I am? Seriously.
Take a guess.
Unh-unh.
My mom slapped someone for this exact thing.
Come on.
There's no wrong answer.
I'm a guy.
I don't care.
Just take a guess.
Really? I don't I don't know, Mr.
t.
Maybe she a witch.
What? The lady.
A witch? Halloween they come.
Maybe, Carlos.
Never know, right? Terry: Yeah, I know.
Yeah.
But how many times is my nephew gonna turn 6? Yeah.
Yea, funny, wise-ass.
Just tell Molly I'm coming, okay? And, uh What kind of flowers does she like? No, Dick, no.
I didn't steal the phone.
This is actually your brother.
Okay.
Okay! What time's the party start? Lawrence: Put me down! Hey! Hey! Put me down! Put me down! This is a new suit.
Now come on.
Not cool.
Not cool.
Not cool.
Dickweeds! So, you guys gonna figure out a way to work together? Or do I got to come in here every day and babysit? Midget keeps coming in and checking on his stupid impala every 15 minutes, and I told him if he did it again, he was going in the dumpster.
I saw you sneak that silverado ahead of me! Hey, your homey told me it was an "emergency.
" You guys got to get your act together.
Yeah.
Sorry, man.
My bad.
Look, if I got to light a fire under these guys' asses to get results Just keep it up, slick.
Just keep it up.
Hey, I know you ain't gonna throw me in te dumpster, fat boy.
He doesn't think he's going in the dumpster.
Try it.
Guys, guys, guys, guys! Just can we knock this off, please? Sit down, sit down.
Sit down.
Now, look All this finger pointing It isn't gonna solve the problem.
Okay? Here's the thing We're a family, and every family has its problems, right? Right?! You know what I'm talking about.
Somebody always feels invisible or under-appreciated or misunderstood.
But underneath it all, there's a whole lot of love! Look We're at war here.
Okay? We're at war with the grinders and and and the roaches with bad credit and and the soccer moms who want to chisel so far into your commission that you got to tell junior, "you're not getting a birthday present this year.
" Oh, yeah, we're at war, all right We're at war with scarpulla down the road and and Toyota and Japan and Germany and the U.
S.
government, for christ sakes! But we are not at war with each other! We are a team! We're a team! It's us against them! Us against all those Suckers! So, what do you say we get united today, right this minute, and win the goddamn war? Can we go now? Yeah, okay.
Just, um Just go, uh, hug it out or something, okay? These knuckleheads.
Can't see the forest for the trees.
Typical workplace stuff.
A lot of resentment caused by conflicting incentives.
I'm just saying.
The service guys They're just punching a clock day in and day out.
But the salesmen have the opportunity to Bounce a grape, lay someone away.
It's exciting.
Oh, God.
Listen to him.
Talking all "car businessy.
" Hmm.
Well, I got to hand it to him.
He's our number 2 this month.
No kidding? Really? Just got myselfmm.
Yep.
A brand-new Icd tv.
HD, 1080p, 3-d ready.
You heard that right.
Who knew there was a capitalist beneath that hemp exterior? Never thought it could be me.
Weren't you the one who said the car-salesman thing is too, um, Sisyphean? Well, yeah, but Well, you know what camus said about sisyphus.
Thanks for this.
He said that no matter how absurd and meaningless our lives are, the struggle alone is enough to give us satisfaction.
Yeah.
Which is just the opposite of how he used to think, right? Whatever freaky little thing makes him sell the cars.
Certainly not that music.
He's become you now.
We got to listen to his music all day long.
He's playing his jazz collection.
Nah, come on.
What, that, uh Bup bup bup bee whoo "I'm a genius.
" Do I have to explain jazz again? It's not bup bup bup bee here comes the jazz face.
Oh, God.
Boppety, boppety-bap-bap-bah! Jazz sucks.
It's not just jazz.
It's funk, too.
Come on by.
Terry: No, don't go by tomorrow.
I won't be there.
My nephew's turning 6.
Going down to carlsbad for the party.
Oh, mark? Mark's place? Yeah, time sure goes by, huh? I can't believe my little bro's all grown up.
Got two kids now.
I guess his business is doing really well.
What is it What does he do? Uh, he installs Some shit.
He does, uh, home systems integration.
How is it I remember that and he can't? Well, I haven't seen him in a couple years.
He lives an hour away.
Yeah, with no traffic.
21/2 during rush hour.
Yeah, okay, but that's yobrother.
Yeah, well, I'm going to go see him, okay? That's what I'm saying, so Geez.
If it was a hot girl, you would have designed some kind of rocket sled.
Yeah, well He and I, we just It's complicated, okay? You know that.
By the way, fellas, breakfast is on me.
Did he just do that? I got to get a picture of this.
Oh, no.
I hit the Oh, that's a game.
Do you ever play that? You got to kill the frog.
Oh, man.
That guy needs a new car.
My up, my up, my up, my up, my up! Lawrence is gonna make a sale.
That's like seeing the lunar eclipse.
Well, not that I wouldn't like to watch, but we've got customers waiting.
Hey, there, good afternoon.
What happened? Uh, his mother-in-law hit a telephone pole.
What, so you convinced him it wasn't that bad? Easy, "o.
" He didn't want a new car.
You know how people come in here, thinking we can do body work? So, what, you you You're sending him to your cousin's place over in Northridge? Yeah, someone should get a piece of the pie, right? How does that grab you? Thoreau body shop under your management.
Be a lot of work for my guys.
Well, I agree.
I see four, five jobs a week come through here on the way to someplace else.
It's complicated shit, though.
We got the space, but we got to ventilate and manage the toxins.
Well, make a list of what you need, and we'll build it out a little at a time.
I've been chewing your dad's ear about it for a while now, but he never had the balls.
Well No offense, junior, but I didn't think you had it in you, either.
Uh, think of me not as Owen junior, but as Owen 2.
0.
Okay.
Erin: Oh, my God.
Hey.
I am never gonna hear the end of this.
Young man: No glove, no love, Miz Riley! See? You got time for lunch? Oh, I only have 15 minutes.
Perfect.
Okay.
Big plans for Halloween? I'm going to see my brother, but otherwise, no.
Not really.
I hate Halloween.
Yeah.
I do too.
Ugh.
Yeah? It used to be so fun, but now it's just like this excuse for women to dress in slutty costumes.
Right? Yeah, I'm usually the Dick sitting at home with the lights out 'cause I forgot to buy treats.
Oh, they don't even come near my building.
It looks too condemned.
Maybe we should, uh, brave it together.
You know, you could come over, pass out candy.
And contribute to childhood obesity? I am so in.
Gonna dress slutty? I'm gonna do even better.
I'm gonna be slutty.
put on your roller skates Try and catch me if you can so, uh, I heard about the body shop from Chet in service.
Is that really gonna happen? Uh, not overnight, but, yeah, I'm working on it.
Oh.
That's cool For the service guys.
How much your cousin pay you for those referrals? What? What are you What are you talking about? 50 bucks.
How about 75? Any job that comes in with your name on it And that goes for all the salesmen.
Bring it in.
Hmm? No, no, no.
Just go go spread the news.
Will do.
Will do.
Oh, by the way, i am loving the funk.
Tell mark if that grill isn't going, i'm divorcing him.
I'm serious.
Molly.
Hey.
Terry! Hey.
Hello, hello.
Hi.
This Tallulah? Yeah.
Wow! Look at you! Hi! Uh, Jennifer couldn't come? Ohh.
That's hoo That's actually a long time ago.
Oh.
I'm so sorry.
Oh, no, no.
It's good.
Mm.
I- I'm seeing someone new.
Oh! Well Well, you never know.
Right? Right.
You should see the cast of characters Bald Lawrence, who probably still lives with his mother, Marcus, Mr.
cocky, $800 suits They're good guys underneath.
Or maybe I'm getting used to them I don't know.
Money's not bad, either.
That's good, right? You still go to your auditions? No, no, no.
See? I've sort of given that up.
Yeah? Yeah.
Are you gonna hike the appalachian trail again? Come on.
I only did that once.
That's not what I mean.
Oh, right, right.
Last time you were You were camping across America That's what you were doing.
Okay.
Yeah, yeah.
I did that, too, but, you see This whole thing that I'm doing I'm kind of into it, you know? I'm I'm really Putting my back into it.
That's great, Ter.
That's great.
How about you? How about you? How's the, um Home systems integration, right? Fantastic.
We are obliterating the competition.
Give me the salt? Ever hear from dad? No.
You? No.
It's so funny.
Never used to miss a birthday.
Or a little league game? Always there with those words of encouragement.
Teaching us how to be men.
that was you on Christmas, remember? Slow down, sweetie.
Thank your Uncle Terry.
over here.
Me.
Scary guy.
Ooh-hoo.
Go on.
Go on.
Sit down with Jackson.
Get a little Look at your dad.
but it's all right now together: Aww.
Shall we open some more? Thoreau body shop! Man: More business and more drinks.
Junior.
Uh-oh.
Oh! Terry: Here's the first piece of the puzzle, gentlemen Our new frame straightener.
Oh, man, this is giving me the biggest hard-on.
Oh, I feel so sorry for your wife.
That's terrible.
Listen.
Hey.
yeah, we're gonna go over here.
Uh, let's put them that's her.
The witch lady? Yeah.
Well, no, no, but but Okay.
Carlos What hey.
Hi.
How are you? Want me to ring that balloon up for you? N- no.
No, thanks.
If you don't find what you need, you know, we have a whole order section.
I wasn't even gonna come in here, but I know it's what burton wanted.
You know, he didn't say so in so many words, but I know my son.
Oh.
Oh, yeah.
Your son? Yeah.
Burton.
Burton? Burton manfranco.
I know it's a little strange for your bookie's mother to be coming in here, but he said you were a nice guy.
A little weird, but nice.
He's one to talk! You're, uh, you're manfro's mom? Angelpuss, that's what I've been telling you.
Yeah.
Uh Come come on in here.
Come on.
Let's Yeah, over right here.
Come right in here.
Um I don't know what he told you, but But I'm even, and I don't even do that anymore.
Well, you think burton sends his own ma in to collect? I told you, I didn't even want to come here.
But I've been driving from tarzana every day.
And I don't like the freeways.
And I've got glaucoma in this eye.
My right eye.
And so he's alone every night.
He talks about you.
Well Okay.
Um Like I say Joe, burton's sick.
Cancer.
What? Is it serious? It's the colon.
They did the operation where they take part of it out.
I keep telling him he's got to take the chemo.
He's dragging his feet 10 ways to Sunday.
Listen, um Wow.
Sorry.
That's Sorry about everything.
Um, please give him my best.
He's, um He's a good guy.
It'd be nice if a person could say that face to face, especially when they're in the neighborhood.
Uh, this is our busiest season, and it's just really hard for me to get away right now.
Hmm.
I thought you were his friend.
Well, I gambled with him.
Didn't you swim? Yeah.
Didn't you golf? Yeah.
Well, that's something.
Why don't you just drop by? Yeah, no, listen I get it.
I just this is It's the busiest week of the year, and it's just I can't get out right now.
Here.
That's his address.
Look Mrs.
Manfranco, listen, please I got a thing with gambling.
Only it's not a thing Anymore, because I'm not doing it right now.
I'm not around it.
You understand? I can't be around it.
Do you have kids? Yeah.
Well, that's all I'm doing.
Well Well, thanks for coming down.
It was a nice surprise for the kids.
Sure.
Get to see their famous Uncle Terry.
Hardly.
Oh.
Uh, listen.
It's just the first installment.
I should be able to pay it all off in the next few months.
What is this? The jeep.
Remember, I was working construction over in calabasas, and the truck broke down and you helped me out.
Yeah.
I didn't expect you to pay me back.
Why not? Well, I don't know, it's just You know.
Hang on to it.
You never know when you're gonna need it.
Oh, no, mark, look, I'm serious.
I'm all set.
It's okay.
No, no, I want you to have it! I'm good.
No, this is stupid.
Come on.
Take the check.
I got to go help Molly.
God help us, she read some article about composting For all I know, she's in the back scraping plates into a hole.
Trick or treat.
Hey, Joe.
Hmm? Anybody home? Hey.
Yeah.
Hi.
Where's the rest of the costume? This is it, Joe.
I'm a horny little devil stuck in boring louisville.
Yeah Take the thing off.
Right? Ohh, I'm so bored! Ugh, another two hours before I Get to go to some lame Halloween party in the lounge and get shit-faced with a bunch of cola distributors.
What are you doin? Oh, nothing.
Just, uh I'm trying to decide if I should go visit this friend of mine or not, but, uh, I don't really want to go, and He's not really my friend.
Big dilemma.
Don't go.
Yeah.
Yeah, except I don't know He's kind of alone, and he's not really the nicest guy.
Very well, then.
By all means, rush right over.
Yeah.
I know.
It's kind of on my mind.
Plus I got this weird hair on my face.
All right.
Yeah.
Thanks for sharin'.
Just stickin' out the side of my nose.
It's like a I don't know It's like a super whisker.
Joe, I am so losing my boner right now.
Boo-weep! Uh-huh.
Got it.
You didn't know you were dating a cat.
Ooh! Whoo.
Yeah! Meow! Yah! That's more like it, babe.
Yeah.
Let me hear you roar, tiger! Oh Sup? Uh Where I put? Just Yeah.
Put that anywhere.
I'm just Uh, not right in the It's in front of the door.
Oh Ah.
Yeah.
Music, costumes Guess it's the new world order.
What the hell? Uh Did you buy that frame straightener? Yes.
And you got it from wing over at the auto mall.
Daddy He owes me a favor, so I'll Call him first thing in the morning, and he'll pick it up before Janice even gets the invoice.
Wait.
Just hold on a minute.
I knew that you would react this way, but hear me out.
Son, we can't buy it.
Daddy, this is not something I did willy-nilly.
I'm sure it's not.
Well, just listen.
Okay? The sales and service guys, you know they've been at each other's throats lately.
That's hardly news.
Yeah, well, with a body shop, the service guys will have more work, and at the same time, the sales guys will get more face time with the customers.
Plus, Scarpulla doesn't even have a body shop.
So, there's that.
It sounds good.
I've had that idea myself a time or two.
So We still can't do it.
Daddy, I thought you were handing me the reins.
Right? So when we were out in anaheim, it was all "the future is the present.
" What was that? I meant it.
So, what's the problem? Problem is, we don't have that kind of cash on hand.
Well, of c-course we do.
I've looked at the books.
Well, there's books, then there's books.
Daddy, what the hell are you talking about? There's ins and outs of the business I haven't explained to you yet.
Next time, just run this sort of thing by me first.
But if there's a problem with the business that I need to know about It's not a problem, son.
It's a it's a Situation.
You remember before the economy hit the crapper, we were gog to open a glendale Thoreau? Yeah, but I thought that didn't happen.
It didn't, but before it didn't happen, I bought this property.
You never told me that.
No.
No, no, I didn't.
Anyway, I made this, uh, ca offer.
It was a hell of a deal.
Practically stole the thing, and then the damn recession hit, and we had to ease up on payroll taxes.
Now, nobody's going to prison.
We'll pay the taxes back over the next few years.
Next few years? I'll have Cedric over in accounting explain it to you.
So, what you're saying to me is that, as far as anything I want to do, any changes, any improvements Unless you want to get us shut down, yes, you pay it first.
I'm not saying don't pay it, but why don't we just sell this property out in glendale? In this economy? That would be foolish.
No, you just wait it out.
For years? For as long as it takes.
Oh ho.
You are inheriting a business that I built from the ground up, so Daddy, what am I supposed to tell the guys? I made promises! You're the boss.
You tell them whatever you like.
Well, maybe I should tell them the truth.
You want people jumping off of a sinking ship, then you just Just go ahead.
You be my guest.
$34.
12.
Oh, damn it.
Nothing.
It's nothing.
You remember the guy that I came in with last time? Skinny guy, gets his coffee here? I remember.
Have you have you seen him lately? He is getting his coffee someplace else.
Yeah, no, I don't I don't think that's it.
Oh! Ah, geez.
Joe, what the hell are you doing? Oh, man, you scared me there.
I thought you were some asshole kid.
Come on in.
I forgot to buy freakin' candy.
Thought about giving them nails.
Hurry up, hurry up, before they see me.
So, what do we have here? Another kessel street dropout? 12 steps not doing it for you? Ah, no, no.
No, I saw this.
Thought you might want it.
Yeah.
You're kidding! Joe! I love these freakin' masks, yeah, that's That's you.
It's the greatest moment of my life.
That's good.
Hey, you want a beer? Uh Look, the game's on.
Sit down for five minutes.
Hey, what's up, 2.
0? Listen, I've been going over this list.
Hey there's a problem.
Okay.
I made a mistake.
All right.
Shut up.
I got it from the drama department at the last possible second.
It's lady MacBeth, if anyone cares.
Ohh.
Lord! They're supposed to dry-clean these.
I can smell teen sweat.
Ohh! And body spray! Ew! I've only had one kid so far, and it was a kid from the building.
And it was a baby.
Wow.
Really? Even with the big bars? Huh.
Well, babies do love these.
Hey.
I know we both hate Halloween and everything, but I thought the whole point of this was to try not to.
I know.
I know, and I'm sorry.
I just I I went to see my brother yesterday, and he just I don't You ever feel sometimes like you're in some Big charade? You know, I was telling him about all the stuff that I was doing, you know? The job, quitting acting, actually making a living, you know? I could just tell that he was going in his head, "yep.
Just another Terry phase.
" You know? Mm.
Mm.
Well, is it? A phase? No.
Oh, I don't know.
I don't think so.
You know, maybe I am just Pretending.
I've been a whole other kind of guy for a long time now.
Maybe It doesn't matter what I do I'm just that guy forever now.
Well I mean, so much of life is an act, isn't it? You know I pretend every day that My my high-school kids are actually gonna make it and Pretending I'm not worried about dying old and alone, choking on a butterscotch.
Here's to pretending.
Are you pretending with me? No.
Mm.
You do know you're not actually Captain America, though, right? I don't think Captain America ever pulled a hamstring getting into his costume.
Air the ball out, you mother I had that corner-back.
What's the line on this one? Look at Joe Wanting to know the line.
No, I-I told you, I'm done with all that.
If you say so, Joe.
So, Joe What if somebody told you he had a 69% chance of living But he can get something Let's call it chemo That would make it 74%? Think he should do it? Yeah, I- I think you should.
Did I say it was me? Yeah.
I mean, your mom came in the store, and She kind of mentioned Cancer up my ass.
Yeah.
Then I I didn't know what to do, because, you know, with me still trying to quit gambling and all I mean, I sympathize.
I just I just didn't think it was a good idea to come, you know, and I got you, Joe.
The lion's den, so to speak.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, but, so then I was You know, I was torn about the whole thing, so I just Well I went in the deli You remember the guy there Mahmoud Ma-fartface? Yeah, I was in there, and I was still I bet myself in my mind.
I just said, "look, "if Mahmoud says hello, I'm not gonna go.
But if he doesn't say hello " Of course he didn't say hello.
He's a Dick.
You would have come either way, though.
I know you, Joe.
Well, I mean, no, you know, once I make a mind bet, I got to stick to it.
Otherwise, there's really no jeopardy.
But you knew he never says hello.
So you stake the odds in your favor.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, I'm just saying, I just I would have to stick to it, though.
Well, now that you're here How about you think like a gambler? Tell me if you take the odds I mentioned on that chemo.
Well, why wouldn't I? I mean, if they're gonna increase your chances, right? A stinkin' 5%.
Still Because it's an ass kicker, Joe.
First all your hair falls out.
I mean all of it Pubes, eyebrows.
Picture is face with no eyebrows.
That's some Scary shit.
Now, then there's diarrhea, vomit Mouth sores, chemo-brain, which means, "loo-loo-loo.
" That always happens, though? The You know, 5%, though 5% rounds up.
Yeah.
I mean, I always thought it was weird, but that is an actual mathematical principle That with 5%, you round up, so Theoretically, it's 10% Really.
Your math's a little funny, there.
No, I mean, I'm just saying, you're still Okay, I hear you, weirdo.
I mean, I got to take care of myself, right? Bullet-head's not gonna feed himself.
Hey.
Come on.
Hey, save the tears, Joe.
I'm kidding.
This shithead can lick his balls.
What is he gonna complain about? What is the I'm not just I'm just asking What's the line on this one? What do you think it is? 41/2.
Bingo.
See? Who would you have taken? Nah, I don't want to play that.
probably cal, though.
I mean, you got to take cal.
Wow, the color is amazing.
1080p, baby.
1080p.
Hey, babe.
I'll be home in a few minutes.
Yeah.
Well, just, uh Take the kids around the block, and, uh, I'll be right there.
Okay.
Oh, I just came by to get my check And to pick out my demo.
Ah.
Feels good to finally be selling some cars, doesn't it? It does not suck.
What happened Melissa make you clean out the garage or something? Oh, no.
This is the future, man.
Vinyl? I think you got that backwards.
No, I want to get rid of all this muzak shit.
Class up the place with a little, uh, herbie and maybe some miles.
I got some '60s funk that'll blow your mind! Oh, yeah, boss.
Maybe throw in a little rap.
No.
Seen Bruce? I'm taking him fishing.
Unless, of course, you need him to help organize your record collection.
Oh, go on.
Laugh.
Heads up.
Lawrence is coming.
Yes, I'm just trying to talk the boss into giving you the day off.
Too nice a day not to be out on the water.
Sorry, guys.
I got to talk to Owen.
There's a problem? Yeah, there's a problem.
That fat load in service just called me a dwarf in front of a customer! Uh, what do you prefer "Little person"? Oh, yeah.
That's funny.
I know.
I know.
But you know what? Not in front of an up.
Okay? That's so not cool! Yo.
Yo, son? You need to go talk to your boy Jesse again.
I just told him I needed to spot-clean a malibu, 'cause some jerks baby threw up in the backseat.
He told me it was gonna take him an hour, Owen! My customer walked out.
Yeah.
They do that on purpose.
All right? They hate us! Now, hold on a minute.
Let's just everybody calm down.
No, I won't calm down! All right?! Well, then I think we've got a boat to catch.
Are you coming? I am now.
I- I'll handle it.
I'll handle it.
Hey.
Good to see you.
Hey, Dashaun.
We need some vampire teeth here.
I can't keep them on the shelves, Mr.
t.
All those "twilight" movies, man.
Yeah, yeah, but That's the sexy, teen, "look at my muscles" vampire.
All right? What about Dracula? Just plain old Dracula.
Yeah.
Dracula.
That's old-school.
No, that's the real deal.
The white face, cape, and "I vant to suck your blood " A little respect for Dracula.
Everybody forgets who starts stuff.
Oh, God.
Hey, Dashaun.
Is there hair on my face? I keep seeing this thing It's like in the corner of my eye Think it is And then I look in the mirror, and it's it's gone.
It's weird.
I know it's right in there, 'cause I press down, and it goes away, and then bam, it's back up, it's flickering around.
It's Take a look at this lady.
Don't look.
Don't look right now.
An old lady over there just kind of giving me the stink-eye.
Shoplifter? No.
I think so.
No.
Hey, Maria.
Did that lady buy something? The lady with the purple thing? I don't think so.
Why? She's a shoplifter.
No, no.
Come on.
We don't know that.
We don't know that.
Just everybody You know what Keep an eye out, 'cause this holiday just brings out the weirdos.
I think it's so sad when old people steal.
I guess that's what happens when you're old and you don't have a family.
Hmm.
oh.
I'm sorry, Mr.
T.
I got a family.
Okay? And and How old do you guys think I am? Seriously.
Take a guess.
Unh-unh.
My mom slapped someone for this exact thing.
Come on.
There's no wrong answer.
I'm a guy.
I don't care.
Just take a guess.
Really? I don't I don't know, Mr.
t.
Maybe she a witch.
What? The lady.
A witch? Halloween they come.
Maybe, Carlos.
Never know, right? Terry: Yeah, I know.
Yeah.
But how many times is my nephew gonna turn 6? Yeah.
Yea, funny, wise-ass.
Just tell Molly I'm coming, okay? And, uh What kind of flowers does she like? No, Dick, no.
I didn't steal the phone.
This is actually your brother.
Okay.
Okay! What time's the party start? Lawrence: Put me down! Hey! Hey! Put me down! Put me down! This is a new suit.
Now come on.
Not cool.
Not cool.
Not cool.
Dickweeds! So, you guys gonna figure out a way to work together? Or do I got to come in here every day and babysit? Midget keeps coming in and checking on his stupid impala every 15 minutes, and I told him if he did it again, he was going in the dumpster.
I saw you sneak that silverado ahead of me! Hey, your homey told me it was an "emergency.
" You guys got to get your act together.
Yeah.
Sorry, man.
My bad.
Look, if I got to light a fire under these guys' asses to get results Just keep it up, slick.
Just keep it up.
Hey, I know you ain't gonna throw me in te dumpster, fat boy.
He doesn't think he's going in the dumpster.
Try it.
Guys, guys, guys, guys! Just can we knock this off, please? Sit down, sit down.
Sit down.
Now, look All this finger pointing It isn't gonna solve the problem.
Okay? Here's the thing We're a family, and every family has its problems, right? Right?! You know what I'm talking about.
Somebody always feels invisible or under-appreciated or misunderstood.
But underneath it all, there's a whole lot of love! Look We're at war here.
Okay? We're at war with the grinders and and and the roaches with bad credit and and the soccer moms who want to chisel so far into your commission that you got to tell junior, "you're not getting a birthday present this year.
" Oh, yeah, we're at war, all right We're at war with scarpulla down the road and and Toyota and Japan and Germany and the U.
S.
government, for christ sakes! But we are not at war with each other! We are a team! We're a team! It's us against them! Us against all those Suckers! So, what do you say we get united today, right this minute, and win the goddamn war? Can we go now? Yeah, okay.
Just, um Just go, uh, hug it out or something, okay? These knuckleheads.
Can't see the forest for the trees.
Typical workplace stuff.
A lot of resentment caused by conflicting incentives.
I'm just saying.
The service guys They're just punching a clock day in and day out.
But the salesmen have the opportunity to Bounce a grape, lay someone away.
It's exciting.
Oh, God.
Listen to him.
Talking all "car businessy.
" Hmm.
Well, I got to hand it to him.
He's our number 2 this month.
No kidding? Really? Just got myselfmm.
Yep.
A brand-new Icd tv.
HD, 1080p, 3-d ready.
You heard that right.
Who knew there was a capitalist beneath that hemp exterior? Never thought it could be me.
Weren't you the one who said the car-salesman thing is too, um, Sisyphean? Well, yeah, but Well, you know what camus said about sisyphus.
Thanks for this.
He said that no matter how absurd and meaningless our lives are, the struggle alone is enough to give us satisfaction.
Yeah.
Which is just the opposite of how he used to think, right? Whatever freaky little thing makes him sell the cars.
Certainly not that music.
He's become you now.
We got to listen to his music all day long.
He's playing his jazz collection.
Nah, come on.
What, that, uh Bup bup bup bee whoo "I'm a genius.
" Do I have to explain jazz again? It's not bup bup bup bee here comes the jazz face.
Oh, God.
Boppety, boppety-bap-bap-bah! Jazz sucks.
It's not just jazz.
It's funk, too.
Come on by.
Terry: No, don't go by tomorrow.
I won't be there.
My nephew's turning 6.
Going down to carlsbad for the party.
Oh, mark? Mark's place? Yeah, time sure goes by, huh? I can't believe my little bro's all grown up.
Got two kids now.
I guess his business is doing really well.
What is it What does he do? Uh, he installs Some shit.
He does, uh, home systems integration.
How is it I remember that and he can't? Well, I haven't seen him in a couple years.
He lives an hour away.
Yeah, with no traffic.
21/2 during rush hour.
Yeah, okay, but that's yobrother.
Yeah, well, I'm going to go see him, okay? That's what I'm saying, so Geez.
If it was a hot girl, you would have designed some kind of rocket sled.
Yeah, well He and I, we just It's complicated, okay? You know that.
By the way, fellas, breakfast is on me.
Did he just do that? I got to get a picture of this.
Oh, no.
I hit the Oh, that's a game.
Do you ever play that? You got to kill the frog.
Oh, man.
That guy needs a new car.
My up, my up, my up, my up, my up! Lawrence is gonna make a sale.
That's like seeing the lunar eclipse.
Well, not that I wouldn't like to watch, but we've got customers waiting.
Hey, there, good afternoon.
What happened? Uh, his mother-in-law hit a telephone pole.
What, so you convinced him it wasn't that bad? Easy, "o.
" He didn't want a new car.
You know how people come in here, thinking we can do body work? So, what, you you You're sending him to your cousin's place over in Northridge? Yeah, someone should get a piece of the pie, right? How does that grab you? Thoreau body shop under your management.
Be a lot of work for my guys.
Well, I agree.
I see four, five jobs a week come through here on the way to someplace else.
It's complicated shit, though.
We got the space, but we got to ventilate and manage the toxins.
Well, make a list of what you need, and we'll build it out a little at a time.
I've been chewing your dad's ear about it for a while now, but he never had the balls.
Well No offense, junior, but I didn't think you had it in you, either.
Uh, think of me not as Owen junior, but as Owen 2.
0.
Okay.
Erin: Oh, my God.
Hey.
I am never gonna hear the end of this.
Young man: No glove, no love, Miz Riley! See? You got time for lunch? Oh, I only have 15 minutes.
Perfect.
Okay.
Big plans for Halloween? I'm going to see my brother, but otherwise, no.
Not really.
I hate Halloween.
Yeah.
I do too.
Ugh.
Yeah? It used to be so fun, but now it's just like this excuse for women to dress in slutty costumes.
Right? Yeah, I'm usually the Dick sitting at home with the lights out 'cause I forgot to buy treats.
Oh, they don't even come near my building.
It looks too condemned.
Maybe we should, uh, brave it together.
You know, you could come over, pass out candy.
And contribute to childhood obesity? I am so in.
Gonna dress slutty? I'm gonna do even better.
I'm gonna be slutty.
put on your roller skates Try and catch me if you can so, uh, I heard about the body shop from Chet in service.
Is that really gonna happen? Uh, not overnight, but, yeah, I'm working on it.
Oh.
That's cool For the service guys.
How much your cousin pay you for those referrals? What? What are you What are you talking about? 50 bucks.
How about 75? Any job that comes in with your name on it And that goes for all the salesmen.
Bring it in.
Hmm? No, no, no.
Just go go spread the news.
Will do.
Will do.
Oh, by the way, i am loving the funk.
Tell mark if that grill isn't going, i'm divorcing him.
I'm serious.
Molly.
Hey.
Terry! Hey.
Hello, hello.
Hi.
This Tallulah? Yeah.
Wow! Look at you! Hi! Uh, Jennifer couldn't come? Ohh.
That's hoo That's actually a long time ago.
Oh.
I'm so sorry.
Oh, no, no.
It's good.
Mm.
I- I'm seeing someone new.
Oh! Well Well, you never know.
Right? Right.
You should see the cast of characters Bald Lawrence, who probably still lives with his mother, Marcus, Mr.
cocky, $800 suits They're good guys underneath.
Or maybe I'm getting used to them I don't know.
Money's not bad, either.
That's good, right? You still go to your auditions? No, no, no.
See? I've sort of given that up.
Yeah? Yeah.
Are you gonna hike the appalachian trail again? Come on.
I only did that once.
That's not what I mean.
Oh, right, right.
Last time you were You were camping across America That's what you were doing.
Okay.
Yeah, yeah.
I did that, too, but, you see This whole thing that I'm doing I'm kind of into it, you know? I'm I'm really Putting my back into it.
That's great, Ter.
That's great.
How about you? How about you? How's the, um Home systems integration, right? Fantastic.
We are obliterating the competition.
Give me the salt? Ever hear from dad? No.
You? No.
It's so funny.
Never used to miss a birthday.
Or a little league game? Always there with those words of encouragement.
Teaching us how to be men.
that was you on Christmas, remember? Slow down, sweetie.
Thank your Uncle Terry.
over here.
Me.
Scary guy.
Ooh-hoo.
Go on.
Go on.
Sit down with Jackson.
Get a little Look at your dad.
but it's all right now together: Aww.
Shall we open some more? Thoreau body shop! Man: More business and more drinks.
Junior.
Uh-oh.
Oh! Terry: Here's the first piece of the puzzle, gentlemen Our new frame straightener.
Oh, man, this is giving me the biggest hard-on.
Oh, I feel so sorry for your wife.
That's terrible.
Listen.
Hey.
yeah, we're gonna go over here.
Uh, let's put them that's her.
The witch lady? Yeah.
Well, no, no, but but Okay.
Carlos What hey.
Hi.
How are you? Want me to ring that balloon up for you? N- no.
No, thanks.
If you don't find what you need, you know, we have a whole order section.
I wasn't even gonna come in here, but I know it's what burton wanted.
You know, he didn't say so in so many words, but I know my son.
Oh.
Oh, yeah.
Your son? Yeah.
Burton.
Burton? Burton manfranco.
I know it's a little strange for your bookie's mother to be coming in here, but he said you were a nice guy.
A little weird, but nice.
He's one to talk! You're, uh, you're manfro's mom? Angelpuss, that's what I've been telling you.
Yeah.
Uh Come come on in here.
Come on.
Let's Yeah, over right here.
Come right in here.
Um I don't know what he told you, but But I'm even, and I don't even do that anymore.
Well, you think burton sends his own ma in to collect? I told you, I didn't even want to come here.
But I've been driving from tarzana every day.
And I don't like the freeways.
And I've got glaucoma in this eye.
My right eye.
And so he's alone every night.
He talks about you.
Well Okay.
Um Like I say Joe, burton's sick.
Cancer.
What? Is it serious? It's the colon.
They did the operation where they take part of it out.
I keep telling him he's got to take the chemo.
He's dragging his feet 10 ways to Sunday.
Listen, um Wow.
Sorry.
That's Sorry about everything.
Um, please give him my best.
He's, um He's a good guy.
It'd be nice if a person could say that face to face, especially when they're in the neighborhood.
Uh, this is our busiest season, and it's just really hard for me to get away right now.
Hmm.
I thought you were his friend.
Well, I gambled with him.
Didn't you swim? Yeah.
Didn't you golf? Yeah.
Well, that's something.
Why don't you just drop by? Yeah, no, listen I get it.
I just this is It's the busiest week of the year, and it's just I can't get out right now.
Here.
That's his address.
Look Mrs.
Manfranco, listen, please I got a thing with gambling.
Only it's not a thing Anymore, because I'm not doing it right now.
I'm not around it.
You understand? I can't be around it.
Do you have kids? Yeah.
Well, that's all I'm doing.
Well Well, thanks for coming down.
It was a nice surprise for the kids.
Sure.
Get to see their famous Uncle Terry.
Hardly.
Oh.
Uh, listen.
It's just the first installment.
I should be able to pay it all off in the next few months.
What is this? The jeep.
Remember, I was working construction over in calabasas, and the truck broke down and you helped me out.
Yeah.
I didn't expect you to pay me back.
Why not? Well, I don't know, it's just You know.
Hang on to it.
You never know when you're gonna need it.
Oh, no, mark, look, I'm serious.
I'm all set.
It's okay.
No, no, I want you to have it! I'm good.
No, this is stupid.
Come on.
Take the check.
I got to go help Molly.
God help us, she read some article about composting For all I know, she's in the back scraping plates into a hole.
Trick or treat.
Hey, Joe.
Hmm? Anybody home? Hey.
Yeah.
Hi.
Where's the rest of the costume? This is it, Joe.
I'm a horny little devil stuck in boring louisville.
Yeah Take the thing off.
Right? Ohh, I'm so bored! Ugh, another two hours before I Get to go to some lame Halloween party in the lounge and get shit-faced with a bunch of cola distributors.
What are you doin? Oh, nothing.
Just, uh I'm trying to decide if I should go visit this friend of mine or not, but, uh, I don't really want to go, and He's not really my friend.
Big dilemma.
Don't go.
Yeah.
Yeah, except I don't know He's kind of alone, and he's not really the nicest guy.
Very well, then.
By all means, rush right over.
Yeah.
I know.
It's kind of on my mind.
Plus I got this weird hair on my face.
All right.
Yeah.
Thanks for sharin'.
Just stickin' out the side of my nose.
It's like a I don't know It's like a super whisker.
Joe, I am so losing my boner right now.
Boo-weep! Uh-huh.
Got it.
You didn't know you were dating a cat.
Ooh! Whoo.
Yeah! Meow! Yah! That's more like it, babe.
Yeah.
Let me hear you roar, tiger! Oh Sup? Uh Where I put? Just Yeah.
Put that anywhere.
I'm just Uh, not right in the It's in front of the door.
Oh Ah.
Yeah.
Music, costumes Guess it's the new world order.
What the hell? Uh Did you buy that frame straightener? Yes.
And you got it from wing over at the auto mall.
Daddy He owes me a favor, so I'll Call him first thing in the morning, and he'll pick it up before Janice even gets the invoice.
Wait.
Just hold on a minute.
I knew that you would react this way, but hear me out.
Son, we can't buy it.
Daddy, this is not something I did willy-nilly.
I'm sure it's not.
Well, just listen.
Okay? The sales and service guys, you know they've been at each other's throats lately.
That's hardly news.
Yeah, well, with a body shop, the service guys will have more work, and at the same time, the sales guys will get more face time with the customers.
Plus, Scarpulla doesn't even have a body shop.
So, there's that.
It sounds good.
I've had that idea myself a time or two.
So We still can't do it.
Daddy, I thought you were handing me the reins.
Right? So when we were out in anaheim, it was all "the future is the present.
" What was that? I meant it.
So, what's the problem? Problem is, we don't have that kind of cash on hand.
Well, of c-course we do.
I've looked at the books.
Well, there's books, then there's books.
Daddy, what the hell are you talking about? There's ins and outs of the business I haven't explained to you yet.
Next time, just run this sort of thing by me first.
But if there's a problem with the business that I need to know about It's not a problem, son.
It's a it's a Situation.
You remember before the economy hit the crapper, we were gog to open a glendale Thoreau? Yeah, but I thought that didn't happen.
It didn't, but before it didn't happen, I bought this property.
You never told me that.
No.
No, no, I didn't.
Anyway, I made this, uh, ca offer.
It was a hell of a deal.
Practically stole the thing, and then the damn recession hit, and we had to ease up on payroll taxes.
Now, nobody's going to prison.
We'll pay the taxes back over the next few years.
Next few years? I'll have Cedric over in accounting explain it to you.
So, what you're saying to me is that, as far as anything I want to do, any changes, any improvements Unless you want to get us shut down, yes, you pay it first.
I'm not saying don't pay it, but why don't we just sell this property out in glendale? In this economy? That would be foolish.
No, you just wait it out.
For years? For as long as it takes.
Oh ho.
You are inheriting a business that I built from the ground up, so Daddy, what am I supposed to tell the guys? I made promises! You're the boss.
You tell them whatever you like.
Well, maybe I should tell them the truth.
You want people jumping off of a sinking ship, then you just Just go ahead.
You be my guest.
$34.
12.
Oh, damn it.
Nothing.
It's nothing.
You remember the guy that I came in with last time? Skinny guy, gets his coffee here? I remember.
Have you have you seen him lately? He is getting his coffee someplace else.
Yeah, no, I don't I don't think that's it.
Oh! Ah, geez.
Joe, what the hell are you doing? Oh, man, you scared me there.
I thought you were some asshole kid.
Come on in.
I forgot to buy freakin' candy.
Thought about giving them nails.
Hurry up, hurry up, before they see me.
So, what do we have here? Another kessel street dropout? 12 steps not doing it for you? Ah, no, no.
No, I saw this.
Thought you might want it.
Yeah.
You're kidding! Joe! I love these freakin' masks, yeah, that's That's you.
It's the greatest moment of my life.
That's good.
Hey, you want a beer? Uh Look, the game's on.
Sit down for five minutes.
Hey, what's up, 2.
0? Listen, I've been going over this list.
Hey there's a problem.
Okay.
I made a mistake.
All right.
Shut up.
I got it from the drama department at the last possible second.
It's lady MacBeth, if anyone cares.
Ohh.
Lord! They're supposed to dry-clean these.
I can smell teen sweat.
Ohh! And body spray! Ew! I've only had one kid so far, and it was a kid from the building.
And it was a baby.
Wow.
Really? Even with the big bars? Huh.
Well, babies do love these.
Hey.
I know we both hate Halloween and everything, but I thought the whole point of this was to try not to.
I know.
I know, and I'm sorry.
I just I I went to see my brother yesterday, and he just I don't You ever feel sometimes like you're in some Big charade? You know, I was telling him about all the stuff that I was doing, you know? The job, quitting acting, actually making a living, you know? I could just tell that he was going in his head, "yep.
Just another Terry phase.
" You know? Mm.
Mm.
Well, is it? A phase? No.
Oh, I don't know.
I don't think so.
You know, maybe I am just Pretending.
I've been a whole other kind of guy for a long time now.
Maybe It doesn't matter what I do I'm just that guy forever now.
Well I mean, so much of life is an act, isn't it? You know I pretend every day that My my high-school kids are actually gonna make it and Pretending I'm not worried about dying old and alone, choking on a butterscotch.
Here's to pretending.
Are you pretending with me? No.
Mm.
You do know you're not actually Captain America, though, right? I don't think Captain America ever pulled a hamstring getting into his costume.
Air the ball out, you mother I had that corner-back.
What's the line on this one? Look at Joe Wanting to know the line.
No, I-I told you, I'm done with all that.
If you say so, Joe.
So, Joe What if somebody told you he had a 69% chance of living But he can get something Let's call it chemo That would make it 74%? Think he should do it? Yeah, I- I think you should.
Did I say it was me? Yeah.
I mean, your mom came in the store, and She kind of mentioned Cancer up my ass.
Yeah.
Then I I didn't know what to do, because, you know, with me still trying to quit gambling and all I mean, I sympathize.
I just I just didn't think it was a good idea to come, you know, and I got you, Joe.
The lion's den, so to speak.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, but, so then I was You know, I was torn about the whole thing, so I just Well I went in the deli You remember the guy there Mahmoud Ma-fartface? Yeah, I was in there, and I was still I bet myself in my mind.
I just said, "look, "if Mahmoud says hello, I'm not gonna go.
But if he doesn't say hello " Of course he didn't say hello.
He's a Dick.
You would have come either way, though.
I know you, Joe.
Well, I mean, no, you know, once I make a mind bet, I got to stick to it.
Otherwise, there's really no jeopardy.
But you knew he never says hello.
So you stake the odds in your favor.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, I'm just saying, I just I would have to stick to it, though.
Well, now that you're here How about you think like a gambler? Tell me if you take the odds I mentioned on that chemo.
Well, why wouldn't I? I mean, if they're gonna increase your chances, right? A stinkin' 5%.
Still Because it's an ass kicker, Joe.
First all your hair falls out.
I mean all of it Pubes, eyebrows.
Picture is face with no eyebrows.
That's some Scary shit.
Now, then there's diarrhea, vomit Mouth sores, chemo-brain, which means, "loo-loo-loo.
" That always happens, though? The You know, 5%, though 5% rounds up.
Yeah.
I mean, I always thought it was weird, but that is an actual mathematical principle That with 5%, you round up, so Theoretically, it's 10% Really.
Your math's a little funny, there.
No, I mean, I'm just saying, you're still Okay, I hear you, weirdo.
I mean, I got to take care of myself, right? Bullet-head's not gonna feed himself.
Hey.
Come on.
Hey, save the tears, Joe.
I'm kidding.
This shithead can lick his balls.
What is he gonna complain about? What is the I'm not just I'm just asking What's the line on this one? What do you think it is? 41/2.
Bingo.
See? Who would you have taken? Nah, I don't want to play that.
probably cal, though.
I mean, you got to take cal.
Wow, the color is amazing.
1080p, baby.
1080p.
Hey, babe.
I'll be home in a few minutes.
Yeah.
Well, just, uh Take the kids around the block, and, uh, I'll be right there.
Okay.