Michael: Every Day (2011) s02e05 Episode Script
Hodophobia (Part 1)
1 You know what's ironic? Driving to the airport is far more dangerous than flying.
Being trapped in a burning car is a terrible way to die, whereas falling from the sky in a plane, you wouldn't even know it.
- Probably not.
- Departures.
We're going another way.
You'd pass out when the air cabin depressurized it's probably peaceful.
Dying in a plane crash, it's a great way to go.
(slapping knees) Let's get on the damn plane! We're almost there.
- What's happening? - We're here.
- Wha - (plane roaring) Jesus! Where the hell are we? We're at the end of a runway.
This is where plane aficionados - come to watch jets take off and land.
- I don't wanna be here.
I didn't think you had a fear of flying anymore.
But I'm not an aficionado, okay? - Can we go? - No.
No.
You're not ready.
I am! (plane roaring) Jesus Christ! You're having a panic reaction.
- You said that you'd get me on a plane! - No, I said I'd get you to Sudbury.
- It's the same thing! - Get in the car.
Why? - Because I'm gonna drive you.
- Departures? - No, Sudbury.
Come on.
- No.
I have to fly for my job, I'm not getting in that car! Why are you doing this? Oh, Jesus Christ! Gotta get up, gotta get out Gotta get home before the morning comes Gonna be about 6 hours, maybe a little less 'cause we're at the airport, so we can bypass the traffic on the 417, stop for dinner on the way.
- I should be on a plane.
- You're not ready.
I aced panic camp! I talked to Dr.
Keener.
He said he prescribed an SSRI.
He prescribed it to treat your eating disorder, the one that flared up after you left your fiancée.
What fiancée? That's supposed to be confidential.
I'm your doctor, you have to tell me these things so I can treat you.
You only hurt yourself - when you lie.
- Didn't lie.
At best, you hid everything.
At worse, you outright lied.
Tell me.
- Tell you what? - Everything! Tell me everything that's happened in the last 5 years.
I don't wanna do that.
It's gonna be a long drive.
- Are we there yet? - No.
Do not do that, please.
Driving in a car Driving in a car - I know what you're doing.
- Driving in a car.
Driving in a car You could be spending this time telling me about what happened the last 5 years, but instead you're singing.
Dr.
Storper wrote a book and then kidnapped me in a car Driving in a car Driving in a car - I'm hungry.
- What? I'm hungry.
It's gonna be about another hour and a half.
You ordered a burger.
You're a doctor.
- So? - Well, you know, bacteria grows on the surface of meat, and ground beef is basically all surface.
It's probably crawling with E.
coli.
- Well, E.
coli poisoning is very rare.
- Look at this place.
It's not rare here.
They make, like, two burgers a week here.
Meat's been sitting in a bowl for a month.
- You order hamburgers all the time.
- From McDonald's.
- They make a billion a day.
- And what did you eat in Toronto? - I'm guessing a lot of McDonald's.
- Yeah, more than is normal, okay? - What happened? Tell me.
- (sighing) The first week was the worst.
They put me in this apartment on the 25th floor of a condo building.
I walked all the way up with my bags.
Took an hour.
When I got in, one wall was just all windows.
I crawled into my bedroom and shut myself in for four days.
- I didn't eat.
- You should've called me.
I didn't wanna fail so soon.
When I finally left, I was in a weird trancelike state, guess 'cause I was so hungry, and I went to work and they showed me my cubicle, which was, you know, pretty nice by cubicle standards.
I couldn't handle it The job, the elevators, bodies pressed up against me every morning on the subway, - small talk with colleagues - Hey! I'm your neighbour, Steve Dupaski.
People call me Dupe.
- So I did something about it.
- So, what do they call you? - Mike.
They call me Mike.
- Mike? Mike.
Mike says things like "How's it hanging?" "Better you than me.
" "Welcome to my world.
" Mike's a lot stronger than I am, but he's also kind of an asshole and he lies a lot.
- What does he lie about? - Everything.
I was a wide receiver for the Ottawa Ravens.
I know a Hail Mary pass when I see one.
I have a sister in Afghanistan.
It's hard.
An IED can't tell if you're a combatant or a peacekeeper.
I hate Mike, but the colleagues loved him.
And yeah, I started dating this girl Michelle Mike started dating her, and things got serious and I got anxious and it ended really, really badly.
Then I got the promotion and basically exploded at the airport.
I went off like a bomb.
You know, you can tell me anything.
You know that.
I won't judge you.
It does feel really good to get it out of my head.
(lively music) You're like my father.
Let's face it, you're my paid father.
- Oh my God.
I have to pay for a father.
- I'm not your paid father.
Fathers can't be objective.
They're emotionally involved by nature.
Mine wasn't.
Well, he was, he just couldn't deal with your mother.
- He didn't leave because of you.
- She had big problems.
Yes, and she lacked coping skills.
I have memories of her crying in the hall closet.
It's too bad, because at that time I relied on traditional talk therapy techniques.
I think she would've benefited from a more results-oriented cognitive behavioural approach.
- Did you treat my mother? - What? - Was my mother a patient of yours? - For a period of time.
She didn't tell you? No, she didn't tell me! Neither did you! Did you see her before you saw me? - What? - Stop saying "what".
Did you see her before you saw me? Yes, that's why I saw you.
She asked me to.
- God, my brain is exploding.
- Look, you're just assuming that she talked about you all the time.
She didn't.
She talked about herself, about her fears.
We'd be sitting down at dinner and - What dinner? - What? Did you date my mother? Briefly, after the therapeutic relationship was over, obviously.
For how long? A month? F fourteen of them.
Oh my God! You had sex with my mother! This is a freight train.
It's like I've been hit by a freight train.
It is not like a freight train just hit you.
Did we actually hit a freight train? Was that irony? I don't know.
It might have been irony.
I'm not sure.
Are you hurt? Holy shit, the windshield's covered in blood.
I don't think it's us.
I think the blood's on the outside of the glass.
Do you think you killed someone? - Oh, not again.
- What? Nothing.
Can you move? We should get out of the car.
- Yeah, good idea.
It could explode.
- It won't explode, it's German.
- You're terrifying.
- What? Your hands are covered in blood and you are standing in the dark staring at me.
- You look like a serial killer.
- I'm in shock.
- That's why I'm staring at you.
- Well, don't kill me.
You're in shock too.
I'm not gonna kill you.
- You said "not again" in the car.
- No, that was Listen, let's breathe together.
(breathing deeply) How's your neck and your back? They okay? (bones cracking) Yeah, I'm okay.
- Oh my God, my car! - It's really badly damaged.
Oh God, I love this car.
What the fuck did we hit? (animal moaning) Cell phones.
(animal moaning loudly) - No bars.
- No bars.
(animal moaning loudly) I don't like that sound.
That's the sound a monster would make.
- Let's get back in the car.
- We can't, it might explode.
You said it wouldn't because it's German.
- (animal moaning) - Obviously obviously, whatever we hit didn't die.
It's in the road behind us.
Its fur and its blood is covering the car.
That's the reality of this situation.
That's the reality.
- I'm gonna go see what it is.
- Don't do that.
- I have to.
I'm a doctor.
- You're not a monster doctor.
I'm sure it's not a monster.
Stay here.
(beeping) - It's a moose.
- Huh! It's not dead, which is why it's moaning, but it's fatally injured, I'm guessing.
- It's hanging on.
- (moose moaning) I have to euthanize it.
It's the decent thing to do.
- It's the right thing.
- Is it big? - Yeah.
Yeah, it's big.
- Look at the car.
It's big.
How do I end its suffering? Think.
Think with me.
- Um, you could shoot it.
- I don't have a gun.
- Well, I don't know.
- Do I look like someone who has a gun? Now you do, yeah.
Stabbing.
You could stab it in the heart.
I'm not familiar with moose anatomy.
Slit his throat with glass from the car.
Safety glass.
It's not sharp.
You're just dismissing all my ideas.
You think of something.
- I could bludgeon it to death.
- That's a good idea, actually.
There's something in the trunk, it's a what do you call it? - Tire iron? - Tire iron, yes, thank you.
This might not be the best time to bring this up, but can we talk about what you said earlier about my mother, - about having sex with my mother? - It's not what you think.
- You didn't have sex with her? - No Good.
No, I mean I did have sex with her.
You said "No, you didn't have sex with her?" and I said "No, I did have sex with her".
Can we just table the mother thing until after I kill the moose? Is that okay? Ah! Oh, wow.
That's wow.
- Yes, I was taking it back for deposit.
- All loose like that? - Yes, no.
- Yes no? Can we just I have to bludgeon this moose.
Hit it hard.
(moose moaning and breathing heavily) (David grunting and hitting) (moose moaning desperately, David hitting) (David grunting) (moose breathing heavily) - I think I just made things worse.
- Okay.
He probably thought I was coming to help him, and then I just started whaling on him with the tire iron.
I feel so bad about this.
It probably didn't think that.
It probably didn't think anything.
- I'm a doctor, I'm supposed to heal.
- He doesn't know - that you're a doctor.
- (moose moaning) - Strangulation.
- I don't wanna do that.
- Poison? - What medication do you have with you? - Ativan and Ambien.
- Good, and I have Zoloft, - so at least sedate him.
- You're on antidepressants? - Yes.
They're not working.
- No.
Were you on antidepressants when you had sex with my mother? No, I just started.
I thought we tabled the mother thing.
Gimme the Ativan and the Ambien.
How are you gonna get him to take the pills? Dissolve them in liquid.
I got it at an award show.
Oh, I thought maybe it came with the car.
Oh! I'm making room for the pills.
How much do you give him? Is it based on body weight? I don't know, I've never poisoned a moose before.
Okay.
Okay.
You're doing a great job.
Seriously.
- Oh! Sorry.
I'm so sorry.
- It's okay.
It's washing some of the blood off.
Okay.
I gotta go do this.
You go do it.
You poison that moose.
(moose groaning) - (moose growling) - (bottle breaking) - (moose growling) - (David screaming) (David grunting) Ahh! Ahh! He knocked the bottle out of my hand with his snout part.
- Help me strangle him.
- No! Michael, he's too strong! - It's wrong! - The decent thing to do! - Horrible, what you're doing! - Give a few whacks with the tire iron! - That's worse! - I'm afraid he's gonna roll on me! Please hit the moose! Hit the fucking moose, for God's sake! (David grunting) - Just hit him! Hit him! - (moose wailing) (moose stops) (David panting) He's gone.
Can we talk about my mother now? (honking) (Hocus Pocus by Focus playing) We won't stay long.
We'll just clean up and ask about a motel.
Okay.
I'll have a double vodka rocks, any brand.
Uh, I'll have whatever's on tap, please.
(Hocus Pocus by Focus playing) We hit a moose.
Ahh.
I was gonna say.
Moose.
- Whereabouts? - Uh, Highway 17, - about 10 kilometers west.
- Was she totaled? The car? - Oh yeah, the whole front end is gone.
- Hit 'em fast enough and they go - flying right over your roof.
- Too slow, they come - right through your windshield.
- You're lucky.
- Yes.
Can I have that drink? - They come out after the sun goes down, you can't see 'em.
It's a war zone.
- We've all hit 'em.
- Could've been worse, I'm telling ya.
Well, actually, not only did we hit the moose - Michael, don't.
- But it didn't die, right, so he strangled it to death with his own hands.
Hey, this fella here strangled a moose to death with his own bare hands! (cheers and applause) - You boys're drinking for free tonight.
- Thank you.
Um, I'm with my patient, Michael.
We were in an accident in the car, a bad one, and I'm having trouble holding it together.
I need to be strong for him and it's difficult because I'm covered in blood, and also, I revealed something to him about my relationship with his mother and he's having trouble processing that.
- Where are you, Damian? - [Oh, I'm I'm in a bar.
.]
[I'm in a trucker bar just east, um, east of Sudbury.
.]
- [I'm not exactly sure where .]
- I'll be right there.
[No, no, don't .]
Goddamn.
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
- Do you believe that cliché? - Yeah, sort of.
Some clichés don't have a shred of truth in them, like the sailor's delight, the red sky.
"Red sky in the morning, sailor's delight".
"Red sky at night, sailor's delight.
" It's meaningless drivel, but I like to think those things that don't kill you do make you overall more - Strong? - Resilient.
I wanna talk to you - about your mother.
- Let's not do this.
Not now.
There's some things that you should know.
A: yes I dated your mother, but it's not what you imagined.
It wasn't candy floss and winning teddy bears for her at the fair with balls, knocking cans over with balls.
- I wasn't thinking that at all.
- We were friends, good friends, - with occasional benefits.
- Okay.
- No, no - Seriously.
I had sex with your mother, we both have to accept that.
- But A: it wasn't that good.
- Okay.
No, you should know.
I'm telling you this because it didn't happen that often.
Maybe 7 times.
(groaning) Some things I want you to know about your mother.
A: she didn't have your strength.
Her problems were far more complex than a general anxiety disorder.
She was really hard to live with.
- What? You lived with her? - No, no, I mean, she struggled.
She could barely take care of herself.
There was no way - and she said this to me many times - there was no way she could raise a child.
She loved you.
She loved you, but she couldn't take care of you.
So you said you would, and that's what you've been doing for 20 years.
Trying to.
- Now, you need to listen to me.
- You have to stop drinking.
- It's a symptom of a deeper problem.
- No, I mean now, tonight.
Seriously, I can't take what's coming out of your mouth.
You can never, ever drink again, ever.
- Not wine at dinner ever.
- You're the guy - who strangled a moose.
- Him.
Him.
Table four, - they just bought you a lap dance.
- Oh, um My brother, he hit a deer on his motorcycle.
He ripped the thing's leg off and he ruined the fairing.
No touching, okay? - No.
- Chris, my brother, pff! Walked away.
Easter miracle, that's what we called it.
I don't, uh He didn't even have to kill it.
The poor thing bled out.
You like that? My ex, he used to shoot them from the porch.
Mind you, he'd shoot anything.
He was a nightmare.
You're liking this, honey? - Making you hard? - Okay, please - Hey! - I said no touching! Derek! - No, look! You have an abusive ex.
- Yeah? And one or two children, I'm guessing, and you probably had to sneak them out in the night so that he wouldn't shoot you all.
That took courage.
You're a good person is what I'm saying.
I just I just don't want you to rub on my groin.
- (sobbing) - What did you do? - Nothing! - He didn't do anything.
- Did he touch you? - He kind of pushed me, but then he told - me my whole life.
He's like a wizard.
- It's okay, I'm a doctor.
Hey, hey, calm down! He was just getting a lap dance! Relax, asshole! - Ah! - Enough! Enough! I'm having a really shitty time right now, okay? I burned down my apartment while I was high! Insurance doesn't pay for that.
I lost my German car! I killed a guy twice, kind of, and I strangled a two-ton animal to death with my hands, so just back off, everybody! Just back off and chill the fuck out! Okay.
Alright.
Okay.
Okay, let's go.
Just okay.
Have a good night.
Okay.
Sorry.
I drank a lot.
You did.
I think this is us, over here.
Darren! Darren! (birds chirping)
Being trapped in a burning car is a terrible way to die, whereas falling from the sky in a plane, you wouldn't even know it.
- Probably not.
- Departures.
We're going another way.
You'd pass out when the air cabin depressurized it's probably peaceful.
Dying in a plane crash, it's a great way to go.
(slapping knees) Let's get on the damn plane! We're almost there.
- What's happening? - We're here.
- Wha - (plane roaring) Jesus! Where the hell are we? We're at the end of a runway.
This is where plane aficionados - come to watch jets take off and land.
- I don't wanna be here.
I didn't think you had a fear of flying anymore.
But I'm not an aficionado, okay? - Can we go? - No.
No.
You're not ready.
I am! (plane roaring) Jesus Christ! You're having a panic reaction.
- You said that you'd get me on a plane! - No, I said I'd get you to Sudbury.
- It's the same thing! - Get in the car.
Why? - Because I'm gonna drive you.
- Departures? - No, Sudbury.
Come on.
- No.
I have to fly for my job, I'm not getting in that car! Why are you doing this? Oh, Jesus Christ! Gotta get up, gotta get out Gotta get home before the morning comes Gonna be about 6 hours, maybe a little less 'cause we're at the airport, so we can bypass the traffic on the 417, stop for dinner on the way.
- I should be on a plane.
- You're not ready.
I aced panic camp! I talked to Dr.
Keener.
He said he prescribed an SSRI.
He prescribed it to treat your eating disorder, the one that flared up after you left your fiancée.
What fiancée? That's supposed to be confidential.
I'm your doctor, you have to tell me these things so I can treat you.
You only hurt yourself - when you lie.
- Didn't lie.
At best, you hid everything.
At worse, you outright lied.
Tell me.
- Tell you what? - Everything! Tell me everything that's happened in the last 5 years.
I don't wanna do that.
It's gonna be a long drive.
- Are we there yet? - No.
Do not do that, please.
Driving in a car Driving in a car - I know what you're doing.
- Driving in a car.
Driving in a car You could be spending this time telling me about what happened the last 5 years, but instead you're singing.
Dr.
Storper wrote a book and then kidnapped me in a car Driving in a car Driving in a car - I'm hungry.
- What? I'm hungry.
It's gonna be about another hour and a half.
You ordered a burger.
You're a doctor.
- So? - Well, you know, bacteria grows on the surface of meat, and ground beef is basically all surface.
It's probably crawling with E.
coli.
- Well, E.
coli poisoning is very rare.
- Look at this place.
It's not rare here.
They make, like, two burgers a week here.
Meat's been sitting in a bowl for a month.
- You order hamburgers all the time.
- From McDonald's.
- They make a billion a day.
- And what did you eat in Toronto? - I'm guessing a lot of McDonald's.
- Yeah, more than is normal, okay? - What happened? Tell me.
- (sighing) The first week was the worst.
They put me in this apartment on the 25th floor of a condo building.
I walked all the way up with my bags.
Took an hour.
When I got in, one wall was just all windows.
I crawled into my bedroom and shut myself in for four days.
- I didn't eat.
- You should've called me.
I didn't wanna fail so soon.
When I finally left, I was in a weird trancelike state, guess 'cause I was so hungry, and I went to work and they showed me my cubicle, which was, you know, pretty nice by cubicle standards.
I couldn't handle it The job, the elevators, bodies pressed up against me every morning on the subway, - small talk with colleagues - Hey! I'm your neighbour, Steve Dupaski.
People call me Dupe.
- So I did something about it.
- So, what do they call you? - Mike.
They call me Mike.
- Mike? Mike.
Mike says things like "How's it hanging?" "Better you than me.
" "Welcome to my world.
" Mike's a lot stronger than I am, but he's also kind of an asshole and he lies a lot.
- What does he lie about? - Everything.
I was a wide receiver for the Ottawa Ravens.
I know a Hail Mary pass when I see one.
I have a sister in Afghanistan.
It's hard.
An IED can't tell if you're a combatant or a peacekeeper.
I hate Mike, but the colleagues loved him.
And yeah, I started dating this girl Michelle Mike started dating her, and things got serious and I got anxious and it ended really, really badly.
Then I got the promotion and basically exploded at the airport.
I went off like a bomb.
You know, you can tell me anything.
You know that.
I won't judge you.
It does feel really good to get it out of my head.
(lively music) You're like my father.
Let's face it, you're my paid father.
- Oh my God.
I have to pay for a father.
- I'm not your paid father.
Fathers can't be objective.
They're emotionally involved by nature.
Mine wasn't.
Well, he was, he just couldn't deal with your mother.
- He didn't leave because of you.
- She had big problems.
Yes, and she lacked coping skills.
I have memories of her crying in the hall closet.
It's too bad, because at that time I relied on traditional talk therapy techniques.
I think she would've benefited from a more results-oriented cognitive behavioural approach.
- Did you treat my mother? - What? - Was my mother a patient of yours? - For a period of time.
She didn't tell you? No, she didn't tell me! Neither did you! Did you see her before you saw me? - What? - Stop saying "what".
Did you see her before you saw me? Yes, that's why I saw you.
She asked me to.
- God, my brain is exploding.
- Look, you're just assuming that she talked about you all the time.
She didn't.
She talked about herself, about her fears.
We'd be sitting down at dinner and - What dinner? - What? Did you date my mother? Briefly, after the therapeutic relationship was over, obviously.
For how long? A month? F fourteen of them.
Oh my God! You had sex with my mother! This is a freight train.
It's like I've been hit by a freight train.
It is not like a freight train just hit you.
Did we actually hit a freight train? Was that irony? I don't know.
It might have been irony.
I'm not sure.
Are you hurt? Holy shit, the windshield's covered in blood.
I don't think it's us.
I think the blood's on the outside of the glass.
Do you think you killed someone? - Oh, not again.
- What? Nothing.
Can you move? We should get out of the car.
- Yeah, good idea.
It could explode.
- It won't explode, it's German.
- You're terrifying.
- What? Your hands are covered in blood and you are standing in the dark staring at me.
- You look like a serial killer.
- I'm in shock.
- That's why I'm staring at you.
- Well, don't kill me.
You're in shock too.
I'm not gonna kill you.
- You said "not again" in the car.
- No, that was Listen, let's breathe together.
(breathing deeply) How's your neck and your back? They okay? (bones cracking) Yeah, I'm okay.
- Oh my God, my car! - It's really badly damaged.
Oh God, I love this car.
What the fuck did we hit? (animal moaning) Cell phones.
(animal moaning loudly) - No bars.
- No bars.
(animal moaning loudly) I don't like that sound.
That's the sound a monster would make.
- Let's get back in the car.
- We can't, it might explode.
You said it wouldn't because it's German.
- (animal moaning) - Obviously obviously, whatever we hit didn't die.
It's in the road behind us.
Its fur and its blood is covering the car.
That's the reality of this situation.
That's the reality.
- I'm gonna go see what it is.
- Don't do that.
- I have to.
I'm a doctor.
- You're not a monster doctor.
I'm sure it's not a monster.
Stay here.
(beeping) - It's a moose.
- Huh! It's not dead, which is why it's moaning, but it's fatally injured, I'm guessing.
- It's hanging on.
- (moose moaning) I have to euthanize it.
It's the decent thing to do.
- It's the right thing.
- Is it big? - Yeah.
Yeah, it's big.
- Look at the car.
It's big.
How do I end its suffering? Think.
Think with me.
- Um, you could shoot it.
- I don't have a gun.
- Well, I don't know.
- Do I look like someone who has a gun? Now you do, yeah.
Stabbing.
You could stab it in the heart.
I'm not familiar with moose anatomy.
Slit his throat with glass from the car.
Safety glass.
It's not sharp.
You're just dismissing all my ideas.
You think of something.
- I could bludgeon it to death.
- That's a good idea, actually.
There's something in the trunk, it's a what do you call it? - Tire iron? - Tire iron, yes, thank you.
This might not be the best time to bring this up, but can we talk about what you said earlier about my mother, - about having sex with my mother? - It's not what you think.
- You didn't have sex with her? - No Good.
No, I mean I did have sex with her.
You said "No, you didn't have sex with her?" and I said "No, I did have sex with her".
Can we just table the mother thing until after I kill the moose? Is that okay? Ah! Oh, wow.
That's wow.
- Yes, I was taking it back for deposit.
- All loose like that? - Yes, no.
- Yes no? Can we just I have to bludgeon this moose.
Hit it hard.
(moose moaning and breathing heavily) (David grunting and hitting) (moose moaning desperately, David hitting) (David grunting) (moose breathing heavily) - I think I just made things worse.
- Okay.
He probably thought I was coming to help him, and then I just started whaling on him with the tire iron.
I feel so bad about this.
It probably didn't think that.
It probably didn't think anything.
- I'm a doctor, I'm supposed to heal.
- He doesn't know - that you're a doctor.
- (moose moaning) - Strangulation.
- I don't wanna do that.
- Poison? - What medication do you have with you? - Ativan and Ambien.
- Good, and I have Zoloft, - so at least sedate him.
- You're on antidepressants? - Yes.
They're not working.
- No.
Were you on antidepressants when you had sex with my mother? No, I just started.
I thought we tabled the mother thing.
Gimme the Ativan and the Ambien.
How are you gonna get him to take the pills? Dissolve them in liquid.
I got it at an award show.
Oh, I thought maybe it came with the car.
Oh! I'm making room for the pills.
How much do you give him? Is it based on body weight? I don't know, I've never poisoned a moose before.
Okay.
Okay.
You're doing a great job.
Seriously.
- Oh! Sorry.
I'm so sorry.
- It's okay.
It's washing some of the blood off.
Okay.
I gotta go do this.
You go do it.
You poison that moose.
(moose groaning) - (moose growling) - (bottle breaking) - (moose growling) - (David screaming) (David grunting) Ahh! Ahh! He knocked the bottle out of my hand with his snout part.
- Help me strangle him.
- No! Michael, he's too strong! - It's wrong! - The decent thing to do! - Horrible, what you're doing! - Give a few whacks with the tire iron! - That's worse! - I'm afraid he's gonna roll on me! Please hit the moose! Hit the fucking moose, for God's sake! (David grunting) - Just hit him! Hit him! - (moose wailing) (moose stops) (David panting) He's gone.
Can we talk about my mother now? (honking) (Hocus Pocus by Focus playing) We won't stay long.
We'll just clean up and ask about a motel.
Okay.
I'll have a double vodka rocks, any brand.
Uh, I'll have whatever's on tap, please.
(Hocus Pocus by Focus playing) We hit a moose.
Ahh.
I was gonna say.
Moose.
- Whereabouts? - Uh, Highway 17, - about 10 kilometers west.
- Was she totaled? The car? - Oh yeah, the whole front end is gone.
- Hit 'em fast enough and they go - flying right over your roof.
- Too slow, they come - right through your windshield.
- You're lucky.
- Yes.
Can I have that drink? - They come out after the sun goes down, you can't see 'em.
It's a war zone.
- We've all hit 'em.
- Could've been worse, I'm telling ya.
Well, actually, not only did we hit the moose - Michael, don't.
- But it didn't die, right, so he strangled it to death with his own hands.
Hey, this fella here strangled a moose to death with his own bare hands! (cheers and applause) - You boys're drinking for free tonight.
- Thank you.
Um, I'm with my patient, Michael.
We were in an accident in the car, a bad one, and I'm having trouble holding it together.
I need to be strong for him and it's difficult because I'm covered in blood, and also, I revealed something to him about my relationship with his mother and he's having trouble processing that.
- Where are you, Damian? - [Oh, I'm I'm in a bar.
.]
[I'm in a trucker bar just east, um, east of Sudbury.
.]
- [I'm not exactly sure where .]
- I'll be right there.
[No, no, don't .]
Goddamn.
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
- Do you believe that cliché? - Yeah, sort of.
Some clichés don't have a shred of truth in them, like the sailor's delight, the red sky.
"Red sky in the morning, sailor's delight".
"Red sky at night, sailor's delight.
" It's meaningless drivel, but I like to think those things that don't kill you do make you overall more - Strong? - Resilient.
I wanna talk to you - about your mother.
- Let's not do this.
Not now.
There's some things that you should know.
A: yes I dated your mother, but it's not what you imagined.
It wasn't candy floss and winning teddy bears for her at the fair with balls, knocking cans over with balls.
- I wasn't thinking that at all.
- We were friends, good friends, - with occasional benefits.
- Okay.
- No, no - Seriously.
I had sex with your mother, we both have to accept that.
- But A: it wasn't that good.
- Okay.
No, you should know.
I'm telling you this because it didn't happen that often.
Maybe 7 times.
(groaning) Some things I want you to know about your mother.
A: she didn't have your strength.
Her problems were far more complex than a general anxiety disorder.
She was really hard to live with.
- What? You lived with her? - No, no, I mean, she struggled.
She could barely take care of herself.
There was no way - and she said this to me many times - there was no way she could raise a child.
She loved you.
She loved you, but she couldn't take care of you.
So you said you would, and that's what you've been doing for 20 years.
Trying to.
- Now, you need to listen to me.
- You have to stop drinking.
- It's a symptom of a deeper problem.
- No, I mean now, tonight.
Seriously, I can't take what's coming out of your mouth.
You can never, ever drink again, ever.
- Not wine at dinner ever.
- You're the guy - who strangled a moose.
- Him.
Him.
Table four, - they just bought you a lap dance.
- Oh, um My brother, he hit a deer on his motorcycle.
He ripped the thing's leg off and he ruined the fairing.
No touching, okay? - No.
- Chris, my brother, pff! Walked away.
Easter miracle, that's what we called it.
I don't, uh He didn't even have to kill it.
The poor thing bled out.
You like that? My ex, he used to shoot them from the porch.
Mind you, he'd shoot anything.
He was a nightmare.
You're liking this, honey? - Making you hard? - Okay, please - Hey! - I said no touching! Derek! - No, look! You have an abusive ex.
- Yeah? And one or two children, I'm guessing, and you probably had to sneak them out in the night so that he wouldn't shoot you all.
That took courage.
You're a good person is what I'm saying.
I just I just don't want you to rub on my groin.
- (sobbing) - What did you do? - Nothing! - He didn't do anything.
- Did he touch you? - He kind of pushed me, but then he told - me my whole life.
He's like a wizard.
- It's okay, I'm a doctor.
Hey, hey, calm down! He was just getting a lap dance! Relax, asshole! - Ah! - Enough! Enough! I'm having a really shitty time right now, okay? I burned down my apartment while I was high! Insurance doesn't pay for that.
I lost my German car! I killed a guy twice, kind of, and I strangled a two-ton animal to death with my hands, so just back off, everybody! Just back off and chill the fuck out! Okay.
Alright.
Okay.
Okay, let's go.
Just okay.
Have a good night.
Okay.
Sorry.
I drank a lot.
You did.
I think this is us, over here.
Darren! Darren! (birds chirping)