Mighty Med (2013) s02e05 Episode Script

We have to find a way to defeat The Annihilator.
There's got to be something in these comics about his weaknesses.
Ha! I found it.
What is it? My third grade math homework.
Addition.
Like I'm ever gonna use that in real life.
Kaz, focus, okay? Skylar is trying to destroy me.
I have to constantly look over my shoulder knowing she could be right behind me, ready to strike.
Like right now? You scream like a girl.
Yes.
And I'd like to live long enough to scream like a woman.
Wait.
Remember this? Annihilator, the origin of evil.
We read it like 10 years ago.
The Annihilator was born on earth and started exhibiting his mutant powers as a child.
Everyone teased and tormented him for being a freak, so he withdrew from society.
But he didn't become truly powerful until he was discovered and trained by the legendary Hapax the Elder, a human with similar mutation who wanted to groom him to be a great superhero.
But The Annihilator decided to use his powers for evil, to make everyone suffer the way he suffered.
My third grade science homework.
That's where I put it.
Anyway, Hapax the Elder was so upset about being betrayed that he went into self imposed exile on Skylar's home planet Caldera.
So we need to somehow get to Caldera and find Hapax.
He is the only one who can drain the Annihilator's powers which will turn Skylar and all the other evil superheroes good again.
Only one problem.
Nobody knows what Hapax the Elder looks like and he's on another planet.
And he's like 90 years old now, so we don't even know if he's still alive.
Those are three problems.
So I guess you do use addition in real life.
So I figured out how to get to Caldera.
We take the I-95, get off at exit 17, go straight for about 81 billion light-years and we're there.
That's crazy.
We can't take the I-95.
It's under construction.
Ah Wait, we can use the wormhole transporter.
Where does Horace keep it? I don't know.
And we can't tell Horace about Skylar being evil because then he'll be in danger, too.
Oh, hey, uh, Horace.
Kaz and I have a lot of vacation days stored up, so we were hoping to take a road trip to the planet Caldera.
So can we borrow the wormhole transporter? Absolutely not.
The wormhole transporter is not a toy.
This is a toy.
All right, Horace.
We'll put gas in the wormhole transporter when we're done, if it takes gas, I don't know how it works.
I said no, so do not touch the wormhole transporter! Don't even open that drawer where I keep it! Besides, you two couldn't survive on Caldera without atmosphere regulator patches, which I also forbid you to use.
Put on the regulator patch.
Yep.
All right.
Ha-ha-ha, it's so cold.
I just need to adjust the controls.
Wait, are you sure you want to use that thing? Because I'm just saying, if we drove, we could play I-Spy.
Ready? Yep.
I can't believe it.
We're on Caldera, the volcanic planet.
I spy with my little eye, something that starts with a V.
A volcano? Oh, you are good at this game.
Uncle Horace, I had a great day at school today.
You know, the more time I spend with normos, the more I realize they're better than superheroes, who are weak and pathetic.
See? Excuse me.
Hello? Horace, it's Optimo.
I have a medical emergency and I have to come to Mighty Med right away.
You can't.
Alan's here.
He can't find out you're his father, it's too risky.
Well, so is not getting this treated.
I'll be there in 1 minute.
Oh, I'm gonna lose you, I'm going through a tunnel.
Anyway, normos are amazing.
With no powers at all, they do dangerous things all the time, like get lunch from a food truck.
You're right.
You should get far away from these superhero losers as fast as you can.
They're all weak and pathetic.
You disgust me! W-wait, uh, actually, there's this popular normo event I've been wanting to go to called a swap meet, I All right, don't tell me about it, just go! It's not because I'm trying to hide anything from you, it's just because I'm not interested in your life! Hey, maybe that person over there will know where we can find Hapax the Elder.
Excuse me.
We are I mean Oh, I forgot.
All Calderans are grown in genetic pods, so they're identical.
Every girl looks just like Skylar.
A planet full of Skylars is like my dream come true.
But I'm afraid of Skylar now, so that's also my worst nightmare.
I'm so torn.
Is it always so hot here? Hot? It's only 3,000 degrees.
This is the coldest winter we've had in years.
Winter? Oh, well, that would explain the lava man.
Gus? Who's Gus? And that's the most ridiculous name I've ever heard.
My name is Kakai-rata-heeha- mwa-floopy-pa-zoing.
Wait.
Skylar once showed me a picture of her pet dorenbosch and he looked a lot like Gus.
This must be him.
Okay, first off, I'm a her.
And did you say Skylar as in Skylar Storm? Yeah, we know her from Earth.
I haven't seen Skylar in a year.
I've got no attention at all.
Can a sister get a belly rub? Maybe later.
Anyway, we're here because Skylar needs our help.
Do you have any idea where we could find Hapax the Elder? He's very reclusive, but I think I can find him for you.
Follow me.
So you're friends with Skylar? Oh, he's her friend.
She and I uh it's complicated.
It's not complicated, they're just friends.
Optimo, what's the emergency? Did you swallow a tiny nuclear reactor? I've been seeing a lot of that lately.
No, I have a small rash on my hand.
That rash? That's why you came here? Fine, I came because I wanted to see my son.
And I heard your gift shop is having a sale on reading glasses.
That's true.
But it's beside the point.
Look, you can't be here.
Think of what your archenemy Razor Claw will do to Alan if he finds out he's your son.
I know, but I miss him.
Alan, not Razor Claw.
Razor Claw is a complete tool.
Look, Alan's safety is the most important thing.
Now I'm gonna run some routine tests on your rash.
But you must leave before he gets here.
Alan, I'm surprised to see you.
Back from the swap meet so soon? Well, no one wanted to swap meat with me.
Well, there's no need to stay around these pathetic superheroes.
Like that guy with a face squid stuck to his face.
What a tool! That was a close call.
I'll say.
That thing almost laid eggs in my mouth.
Man, I hope Hapax the Elder isn't like my grandpa.
Dead? No, the other grandpa.
A stamp collector? Yes, that's my big fear in this dark and scary cave that Hapax has a somewhat boring hobby.
Who goes there? Uh, we're looking for Hapax the Elder.
You found him.
What are you staring at? You just look so much like this guy we know.
Your last name isn't Diaz, is it? No.
Diaz.
It's Gonzalez.
Hapax the Elder Gonzalez.
But I don't get it, you're not old.
O-Okay, let me guess, on Caldera, Elder means teenager? No, our word for teenager is "I hate you, you're ruining my life!" They call me Hapax the Elder because I'm 93 years old.
My mutation has caused me to age in reverse.
It's also caused me to crave human blood.
I'm just kidding.
Um, sure, I guess I'll go get that.
Hapax, we came here because we need your help to save our friend Skylar Storm.
Skylar was turned evil by The Annihilator.
Can you help us defeat him? II don't think so.
I'm way too old for the superhero game.
Besides, I don't think I'm powerful enough anymore to defeat Neil.
Neil? Sorry.
The Annihilator! When I knew him, he was Neil Gunzenhauser but that was years ago, back when we both lived on Earth.
Here you go.
Why would you do that? I just brought it back.
Hapax, please.
You're our only hope to save Skylar and the Earth.
Okay, I'll help under one condition.
You need to bring me something.
Some cave freshener? The box of Azimeth.
It lies at the top of Caldera's tallest volcano and it's guarded by a man-eating monster known as the Dracaina! Fortunately, the Dracaina hibernates during the winter so the only thing that would be able to wake it up would be if the long dormant volcano suddenly erupted.
Like that? No, that was my stomach.
I skipped breakfast.
That was the volcano.
Dude, seriously? You get it this time.
Are we there yet? Stop it.
Are we there yet? Stop it.
Are we there yet? Yes, we're there.
Oh, okay.
Can we go now? Stop it.
Go now? Stop it.
Excuse me, ma'am.
We're looking for a man-eating beast who protects the box of Azimeth.
Do you know where it is? She probably didn't hear you.
She's very old.
Or young.
I don't know anymore, I'm so confused.
Excuse me! Do you know where the box of Azimeth is? Why, it's right over there.
And I have a name.
It's Dracaina.
Don't worry, Kakai-rata-heeha- mwa-floopy-pa-zoing.
We'll be okay.
Yeah, I mean, how hard is it gonna be to get past the little old lady? Why is nothing on this planet as it seems? So, we got the results back on your rash.
And? Before we talk about that, how about we make some idle chitchat? So you're gonna die.
What? It turns out you have a deadly virus that's gonna eat away at your body until you're a giant puddle of goo.
And not the fun kind of goo.
Icky goo.
That's terrible.
Luckily, I can cure you if I can get a sample of super erythrocytes from your only living blood relative.
Alan.
Oh, that's great.
Let's go find him.
Hold on.
One slight hiccup.
That's better.
The problem is, I can't tell Alan the sample's for you.
And I'm pretty sure he won't help any other patients here, given that earlier he pushed a superhero on crutches down an elevator shaft.
Look, can't we appeal to his sense of kindness and generosity? Oh, you don't know Alan very well, do you? I think I hear Alan coming.
Go! Oh, good news.
It wasn't Alan.
It was just an annoying grating, drilling noise that sounds exactly like Alan.
You'll never get the box of Azimeth while I'm alive.
I've spent my entire life guarding it.
Well, hey, you know, maybe it's time for a career change.
Have you ever considered the job of handing over the box of Azimeth? We need that box now! Hapax gave us those arrows.
So let's hit her with everything we've got.
I'm on it! You know, as soon as it left my hand, I kind of knew I made a mistake.
We're totally out of ammunition.
Now what? Watch out for the lava! And the falling rocks.
Wow, I hate this planet.
The falling rocks! If we caused a rockslide over by the Dracaina, it might knock her into the lava pit.
Yeah, and we could use this bow as a slingshot.
Yeah.
Kaz, you and I will hold the bow, Kakai-rata-heeha- mwa-floopy-pa-zoing, you launch this weird shaped rock.
That's a skull.
Whoa! Ah, no.
Whoa-aw! No.
Okay, come on.
Right.
Yeah.
Ready? We'll launch it on three.
One, two, three! Ah! The dorenbosch.
He she totally risked his her life to save us us.
Man, I hope she's okay.
The dorenbosch, not the Dracaina.
The Dracaina was a complete tool.
Horace did you find some super erythrocytes for me? No.
And this is gonna be difficult to hear.
You have 10 minutes to live.
Did you just say I have 10 minutes to live? I guess it wasn't as difficult to hear as I thought.
So I was hoping to trick Alan into giving me a sample but he hasn't come back yet.
But don't worry, during your last 10 minutes of life, you will receive the highest standard of care.
Uncle Horace! Whoa.
Look what I got at the swap meet.
It's a Kung Fu Santa action figure with holly jolly death grip.
Ooh, can I see it? Hmm.
Whoa! Sorry, you better get that.
What are you doing? Um I'm shooting you with this tickle device.
That's not a tickle device.
This is a tickle device.
What's been going on with you? Ever since I started embracing my normo roots, you've been acting weird.
Well, the truth is there's a superhero that needs super erythrocytes and I was trying to steal the sample from you.
And I knew you wouldn't give me one because you hate superheroes now! What? No, that's exactly why I will give it to you, to prove that normos are the real heroes.
Well, that's terrific.
Okay.
But wait.
Before you do it, how much will it hurt on a scale from 1 to 10? Oh, I'll say one half of 20 which is 10, so 10.
I got the sample from Alan for you.
There.
Now you should be fine.
My son saved my life today.
I don't know how to thank him.
Oh, you don't need to thank him.
You need to thank me.
And if you were wondering how to thank me, I could use a new paddle ball toy.
This one's obviously broken.
Sorry we took so long.
Someone hit me in the head with a lava ball and my hair caught on fire.
I really do hate this planet.
I didn't think you would ever come back.
Otherwise, I would have put out some snacks.
You guys like hummus? It's okay.
We're just happy to be alive.
Actually I wouldn't say no to some cheese.
You boys have done well.
Azimeth used his box to protect this amulet that gives the possessor the incredible power to balance my coffee table.
That's been bugging me for years.
Doesn't make me feel at all like I risked my life for nothing.
Well, it shouldn't because you've passed my test and proved your bravery.
I will now come back to Earth with you and help you defeat The Annihilator.
But do I have to call him The Annihilator? He just looks like such a Neil to me.
Okay, I'm ready to go to Earth.
Uh, before you leave you might want to put that lantern on a timer, so it looks like someone's home.
I feel like I'm forgetting something.
Well, I never did get that cheese that I was promised.
Oh, I remember, I should get a sweater.
I'm used to the temperature on Caldera.
Plus, I look really good in sweaters, but not sweater vests.
They're very unflattering.
I cannot wait to get out of here and finally have this whole nightmare behind me.
That's not the only thing that's behind you.
You know, he really does look like a Neil.
Yes!