My Mad Fat Diary (2012) s02e05 Episode Script

- He's got a job as a lollipop man! - 'Course he has.
- I'm gay.
- Of course I know, you're my best mate.
I like being around you.
So, is there anything going on between you and Liam, then? No.
I've sort of got a date this Friday.
Well, we've got a full team.
'Tuesday, 19th of November, 1996.
Sorry I've not written for a while but not much is going on, except life.
Archie's been struggling since he came out.
' MUSIC: "No Rain" by Blind Melons 'Most of his old boy mates don't want anything to do with him.
' I like watching the puddles gather rain 'But he's got us.
And we've got him.
' 'Izzy and Chop are going strong ' and speak my point of view But it's not sane 'Chop's having to get used to Izzy hanging around boys at college, but he's not worried.
' 'It's cool having a couple who are madly in love around you.
It shows you that it does exist.
Chloe is a social phenomenon.
I've never met someone so confident.
She's started hanging out with a gang of 23-year-olds.
She was pretty angry with me about the fight with Amy, but she's forgiven me, because that's what best mates do.
' And I don't understand why I sleep all day 'As for Finn, he's started going out with Olivia, who's 24.
I'd never met her face to face and to be honest, I wanted to keep it that way.
But, whatever.
I'm so not bothered.
And as for me Liam broke up with Amy and I forgave him for leaving me in the lurch.
' 'We never spoke about that kiss.
It's great to be young and free and with no-one telling us what to do.
' Does the Pope shit in his own hat and punch it? Punch what? - The hatful of shit.
- What are you talking about? Oh, just give me the spliff.
Rae! Rae! Get in the car.
- Someone'll spot you! - Chill out, Archie boy! Who's going to spot me here? Oh, boy.
Music: "One To Another" by The Charlatans I hear our day is coming Gets sweeter every year Tomorrow could be too easy And today's going to be too near Justice for believers And love can keep the faith I don't need you I can't buy you I can't hurt you Karim told me everything.
You've been smoking pot.
And don't even try and deny it because your eyes are bloodshot to buggery.
So, what? You drink, there's no difference.
Yeah, well, there is a difference.
Pot is illegal and I'm not a child.
- I'm not a child.
- You're 16, Rae! You're not even allowed to buy alcohol, or drive, or purchase fireworks, or become an MP.
I want you back by ten from now on.
Every night.
You can't put a curfew on me.
It looks like I just did.
Or do not want me to buy you food and give you lifts everywhere? You know, all the stuff you can't do because you're not an adult.
- But - Conversation over.
RAE SIGHS And don't expect a lift to Chloe's party tomorrow.
'I don't want a sodding lift! God, I am sick of being treated like a kid! I need to get out of this house.
I didn't need my mum to get by.
I'm 16, for God's sake.
All I needed was the help of an old friend, Mr BMX Special.
' 'Sometimes, it's the small things in life that feel good the sun on your face, the wind in your hair Feels like freedom.
' Argh! Bollocks! - Hello.
- Hiya! - Happy birthday.
- Thank you.
What is it? Oh, Babe! Oh! Oh, it's like we're best mates or something(!) Oh, I wouldn't go that far.
Thank you.
It's lovely.
Chloe? Thought maybe you'd like your present.
There you go.
Be careful.
Are you ready? Go on, get on with it! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Thank you! Thank you! 'How was it that Chloe had a dad who treated her like she wasn't still in nappies? And all I had was ' Whose is this bike? Simmie said something to Archie.
Something mean.
Chop, you play football with them, can't you say something? Yeah.
Maybe he was just joking, like, you know, just messing around? Forget about it.
It's fine.
'Oh, God.
No!' - You all right? - Yeah.
- There we go.
All right? All right? - Hiya.
Do you want a drink, girl? 'Girl? I thought I was a girl.
' I'll have a Baileys and ice, please.
'Look at her.
Just because she's 24, she thinks she's more sophisticated than the rest of us, just because she drinks Bailey's.
' - Rae, do you want another snakebite and black? - Yeah.
No! No, I'll have a sherry, please.
A sherry? OK.
So, you're Rae? Finn has told me so much about you.
- Back in a sec.
- OK, little bug.
'Little bug? What the fuck?! 'I literally cannot watch this.
' Oh, bollocks, I've just remembered I've got a thing with a pigeon.
I mean race.
I've got to go.
MUSIC: "Queer" by Garbage 'Little bug? What does that even mean? So what if she was 24, beautiful, had her own flat, swanky job, her own car.
I may as well be nine years old, sitting in a boy's bedroom playing computer games.
I bet Olivia doesn't play computer games.
She's far too busy being grown-up and seducing her man.
' TV PLAYS "SONIC THE HEDGEHOG" THEME Whoa, there! What are you doing? - Did you not like it? - No, I liked it, but it's just - I don't want a girlfriend.
- Maybe I don't want a boyfriend.
- HE LAUGHS - What? Are you hinting that we should have a casual relationship, Rae? Maybe.
Do you not like me, or something? No, I like you, but you're not the type of person to have a casual relationship.
- You're not ready for that.
You're too - Too what? young.
Thanks(!) Young in terms of experience.
Great.
Fine.
Thanks.
'Sometimes I felt like the world was conspiring against me.
' Rae? - What are you doing? - Nice wheels.
CAR HORNS BEEP That's when I realised that my mum and Liam were right.
I was a bloody kid and it had to stop.
Take this pink ribbon off my eyes Anything pink had to go.
Anything with glitter on it had to go.
Anything that resembled a Troll or a fairy or a cartoon animal or had a heart on it, it had to go.
This world is forcing me to hold your hand I've been clearing out a load of old junk to make way for my new stuff.
Any complaints can be made in writing and will be processed through the usual channels, AKA the dustbin.
'So maybe it was going to take more than a sherry and a bin bag full of glitter pens and Trolls.
I needed to find another way to show the world I WAS an adult, to show my mum I wasn't a kid any more.
' TELEVISION PLAYS Is that Dad? Yeah, that's your dad.
Does he live local? He lives in Lincolnshire, yeah.
I want his address.
No.
- I want to write to him.
- No, he Mum I'm 16.
I'll think about it.
'The funny thing was, I didn't even know if I would write to him.
But maybe he'd treat me like an adult.
' I've, um I've got a scan on Monday.
Karim's starting his evening shift so he can't come.
I just want someone to be there.
I don't feel very well.
I'm just a little bit worried.
Will you come with me? Yeah.
'Course I will.
SHE SIGHS I'm sorry, Rae, but you have to do an assessed performance or you won't pass this year.
You either involve yourself in the choir project, or you can become a prostitute, in the boys' stage adaptation of Scarface.
It's up to you.
So I think a cappella.
We've still not decided what song we're going to do.
We could easily add another part in for you.
No.
No, I'll just, erm, print stuff off, make drinks Chloe, listen to this.
One, two, three Stay with me Stay with me E-e-e-e-e.
It's great.
I mean, it needs a little bit of work, but it is great, isn't it? Yeah! Oh, by the way, I'm going to West Paddock Fair tonight with the boys, - if you fancy it.
- "Boys"? Well Men.
No.
No, I can't.
I said I'd go with the gang, so So, I saw you with your bite the other night and, well Well, what? Chloe! MUSIC: "Dreamer" by Livin' Joy I'm a dreamer Love, life and laughter Is all I believe All right, this is Ian.
That's Ben, that's Joe, and this This is Saul.
You look nice.
What? You look nice.
- Thanks.
- So Chloe says that you're a big muso.
What, you like Led Zep? Does the Pope shit in a hat and punch it? He sure does.
You're a pretty cool customer, aren't you? Oh, well, it has been said before.
Yeah, I like that.
It doesn't hurt that you're very attractive.
Hey, Rae, you coming? He's going to eat a kebab and then go on a gravity wheel.
Nothing's going to happen, my guts are made of titanium.
You can hang out with us, Rae, if you want.
I'll catch you guys in a bit, yeah? I'm just going to keep an eye on Chloe.
Am I a dreamer? Love, life and laughter Is all I believe My saviour is pure now Because my lonely heart would bleed No.
I'm not getting in that.
Why not? He's fine you're fine, Ian, aren't you? I can walk you if you want, Rae.
That's cool, cos that sorts out the seating arrangements.
Let's go.
Chlo, what you doing? Don't sweat it.
Shall we? OK.
'The more pissed I got, the more I didn't care that Saul wasn't exactly the fittest lad in the world.
He wanted to hear what I thought about stuff, important stuff.
' - D'you smoke? - Obviously.
All right, what do you say we just jump off here then? Just go to a bar or something? OK.
But just one.
- Yeah, just a nightcap.
- One.
One.
There's something about staying up until the sun rises and the birds start cheeping that is beyond cool.
It's freedom.
Especially when you get back half an hour before your mum gets up, so she'll never find out.
- Ooh.
- Where the bloody hell have you been?! Been out with friends.
Friends? It's six o'clock in the morning.
I've rung everyone.
Chloe, Archie, Izzy, I've even rung the hospital.
Look, I'm sorry, all right? No, no, no, it's not fuckin' all right! Why didn't you call me? Why do you never think about anybody apart from yourself? Chill out.
There is no need to curse at me.
I've said I'm sorry.
I'm 16.
I can do what I want.
Oh, right, yeah, yeah.
You're 16, you can do what you want now, make your own decisions, like staying out till six o'clock on a Thursday night.
Whatever.
Don't "whatever" me.
Don't you EVER "whatever" me.
I'm pregnant, in case you hadn't noticed.
I feel horrible! I haven't slept all night.
If you want to behave like that, feel free to move out.
No, I mean it.
You never know, maybe your dad'll let you live with him.
In fact, you know what Here.
You want to write to him, write to him.
Do me a favour, move in with him.
I've done my shift.
What did you just say to me? You heard me crystal-clear, love.
I don't want my baby growing up around someone like you.
Fuck you.
I knew I'd messed up, but there was no way my mum should've spoken to me like that.
I bet my dad would never treat me like this.
And it looks like I was about to be replaced anyway.
"Dear Dad " Problem was that I knew nothing about him.
I couldn't even imagine him reading it.
"Dear Victor just wanted to get in touch and say hi and here's my address.
Hope to hear from you.
All the best, Rae.
" Usually when I get a hangover like this I get the demons whispering into my ears, but today it was the opposite, things were more clear now than they'd ever been.
I was waiting for people to treat me like an adult, so it was time to make adult decisions.
If I was a front-porch swing Would you let me hang? If I was a dance floor Would you shake your thing? If I was a rubber cheque Would you let me bounce ? SHE KNOCKS AT DOOR 'This was such a bad idea.
' Can I help you? I, erm Hello.
Hiya.
Rachel.
I like your lamp.
Oh, thanks.
I work in antiques.
It's, erm, '20s Art Deco.
- Do you want to borrow anything? - Oh, I don't have a record player.
What? You've got to have a record player! I mean, the sound quality is just pfff! I'll ask for one for my birthday but I doubt I'll get it.
When when is your birthday? Three weeks.
Look, this is so, erm - I don't know, I should have rung.
- Are you angry with me? Just wanted to come and see you, meet you.
If you need anything, just say it.
Well, you could give me a lift home after this brew.
Got a good group of friends? Yeah.
The best! So, what do you get up to? - Go to the pub, drive around.
- What, you drive? No, I'm 16.
But your birthday's coming up soon, you want to get in lots of practice.
Make sure you pass your test first time.
Nar, my mum would never take me out.
Oh - Right! - What? - What? - You'll see.
Trust me, you'll love it.
- Oh, my God! It's going to explode! - Press a little lighter, slowly.
Go on.
There you go, you're off! Go on, Mrs Mansell.
I'm driving, I'm actually driving! THEY LAUGH Can we go really fast? So, what next? I am angry at you really angry.
Me and your mum if you can think of the worst matched couple in the world, that was us.
- Look, you don't have to - No, I do.
I wanted to get in touch with you, I thought about you but I felt I was ashamed of myself.
Now, look, I'm not the person you think I am.
And I can prove it.
No.
If you want to stay in touch, then you ring me.
Call before five, my mum's at work.
I will.
Yeah, well, we'll see won't we? See you.
I knew that he probably wouldn't ring but I could handle it! I could handle all the men in my life! You look lively! - I had a late night, I was out with someone.
- With who? Just someone.
He's 23, you won't know him.
Does he have a name? No, he wasn't christened when he was born, it's a terrible shame for him.
Look, I've been thinking about our conversation the other day.
- If you're cool with casual, then I am.
- Right.
So, how about it? Why don't you come over tomorrow? We can hang out, as it were.
I'm busy tomorrow, I've got a party in Uffington.
With, erm, the nameless man? He'll probably be there, yeah.
Cool, well have a good time.
Thanks.
I wasn't lying to Liam, Saul had invited me and Chloe to some random guy's party.
That was my life now.
I didn't know where I'd be from one day to the next and I also had two men interested in whistling through my wheat field.
- I was, obviously, doing something right.
- DOORBELL RINGS Me and Olivia split up.
Yes! In your face, Miss Baileys and ice! Sorry, mate.
I guess, we just weren't right for each other.
- She had a mortgage.
- I don't even have an overdraft, for fuck's sake! Is there anything I can do? It's not just What? I'm not just down about breaking up with Olivia, I'm miserable in general.
I don't enjoy college, I never have.
I'm only there because everybody else is.
So, what are you going to do? My uncle's got this scaffolding company in Leeds.
He said I could go up there and work with him.
It's not exactly the dream but Well, we've got to leave college at some point.
Got to grow up, eventually, haven't we? So, you'd have to move? That's what I'm saying.
I'm thinking about moving away.
Cos I've got no other reason to stay.
Have I? Oh, shit! I've got to go, I've got to be in Uffington for seven.
Right.
We'll chat more about this later, yeah? To be continued To be continued.
MUSIC: "On and On" by Longpins And I wish you didn't need me.
This is how adults did it.
No parents, no curfews, no rules.
Rae, I knew you'd make it! Told you she'd be here.
Saul was getting all worried.
There she is, look, dirty stop out! You all right, Rae? Yeah, I'm pretty all right.
Come on then, people, let's fucking have! Woo-ooh! MUSIC: "Gangsta's Paradise" by Coolio Ft.
LV As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I take a look at my life and realise there's nothing left Cos I've been blasting and laughing so long, That even my mama thinks that my mind is gone But I ain't never crossed a man that didn't deserve it Me be treated like a punk, you know that's unheard of You better watch how you're talking and where you're walking Or you and your homies might be lined in chalk I really hate to trip but I gotta loc As they croak, I see myself in the pistol smoke, fool I'm the kinda G the little homies wanna be like.
MUSIC: "A Girl Like You" by Edwyn Collins I've never known a girl like you before CHEERING Now just like in a song from days of yore Here you come, knocking, knocking at my door Never met a girl like you before! Jesus! You scared me.
You've got a sexy ass! Has anyone ever told you that? Yeah I get it all the time.
I'm sick of hearing it, to be honest! Hey! - Right - I knew it, fleshy.
God, I've always wanted a piece of a larger lady! Why don't you go and get us some drinks or something? I don't want a drink, I just want to drink you.
Oh, smooth.
Stop it! I don't feel good.
Saul, get off me! You're hurting me! Don't pretend like you don't love it.
You should be loving it, it's not like you've got guys banging the door down, is it? Look how hard I am for you! Eh? Cos you know what you're doing to me, don't you? Stop being so frigid! Just touch me a little.
Come on, we don't have to do anything serious just touch me.
- No, no, please.
- Why not, I can't If you put another finger on me, I will scream this fucking house down, I swear to God! Chlo! Chloe! Chloe! - Come on, Chloe, we've got to go! - Why? Saul just tried it on with me in the toilet.
That's what happened.
Chloe, I said I didn't want to and then I had to run out, it was horrible! - Will you please just get your things? - Rae, are you deaf? I'm fine.
- I'm not coming.
- Listen to your friend, Rae.
Chloe, please, I'm not feeling good.
Fine! Rae Can I come in? Yeah, yeah, of course.
So, what's going on? I was in the neighbourhood.
Well, I was 20 minutes away.
I was at a party and this guy came on pretty strong.
Did anything happen? No.
No, it was fine I got out of there.
But Chloe's still there.
Is she in trouble? No, erm, no, no-one's in trouble.
It was just horrible! - I'm just fed up feeling horrible! - Is everything all right? Rae, this is Carrie.
Hiya.
I'll just leave you to it.
Well, she seems nice.
Yeah.
Look, erm, why don't we call your mum and get her to pick you up.
Yeah? And we can talk about this next week, when you come in.
I'm sorry! I know I messed up, I won't do it again.
Please don't be angry with me.
Are we still on for the scan on Monday? Rae.
- Archie, what's going on? - Where were you last night? SHE EXHALES Uffington.
What's happened? Kicked off.
Big time.
I knew it was going to be one of those nights because it was a full moon.
You know how people go crazy on a full moon? ANIMAL HOWLS It was the only time we've ever kissed.
I didn't even mean it.
- Chop's going to be so upset.
- Don't tell him.
It was a one-off.
Great.
- Yo, yo! All right, babe.
- I'm just going to the loo.
So, we having it tonight or what? Fucking Amy, I'm going to start with a cigarette.
Who fancies a fag? Chop, fag? - No? - Yeah, I'll have one.
Archie? Fag? Go fuck yourself.
What was that for? I was only asking if you wanted a poof.
You know what the worst thing is about this? It's not you two fucking twats.
It's you.
You're supposed to be my mate and you're sitting there with your thumb up your ass while they take the piss out of me.
Archie, wait.
You're a fucking coward.
You deserve everything you get.
- He did get everything he deserved.
- So has she told him about the kiss? No.
She couldn't do it.
So she just broke up with him.
Wow.
That was awful.
OK, we need to sort everything out tonight.
- We need to get the gang together.
- What gang? It's not a gang any more, Rae.
PHONE RINGS - Hello.
- I was worried your mum might answer.
It's Victor.
It's your dad.
Our group has to perform a couple of groups a cappella.
The thing is no-one knows what they're doing.
- And we haven't even decided on which songs.
- You should take charge.
- No.
I'm only there because no other group will have me.
- You know music.
If anyone can save it, you can.
Possible? - You're asking me? - I'm asking you.
No.
Look I've got something for you.
It's a sort of early birthday present.
- What? - I kind of owe you 16 birthday presents.
I love it.
Thank you.
'And there it was.
Better than a party, better than car, better than anything.
' Why don't we make this a regular thing? You know, every Saturday afternoon or something? - Yeah, I'd like that.
- And you know you can call me any time.
I mean that.
And then maybe we can work up to telling your mum.
God.
Your mum is the most difficult woman in the world to live with.
What about the quiz shows? She never was the brightest.
She always was a bit thick.
I'm sorry.
I'm not being mean.
It's just that she does like some stupid things.
Doesn't she? She's a bit dumb sometimes, I guess.
Right, let's find a song for your show.
He's a poor boy Empty as a pocket Empty with a pocket with nothing to lose Sing ta na na Ta na na Ta na na na na She's got diamonds on the soles of her shoes.
The songs you chose were mint.
Why weren't you singing at the concert? I told you.
I'm just standing in until Chloe gets back.
That is if Chloe bothers turning up.
Well, speak of the devil.
Sorry I'm late.
- What's wrong with you? - What? Aside from the fact that you turn up to rehearsals late when your performance is in five days.
Or is it the fact that you let me down at the party? You left me stranded.
- I was in trouble and you did nothing.
- Babe, I didn't realise.
I was drunk.
I really need to talk to you about something.
Why can't you think of anyone but yourself? You're supposed to be my best mate, Chloe, and you don't give a shit.
I'm not your mum, Rae.
- I can't look after you all the time.
- What's that supposed to mean? You're fragile.
You need constant management.
It's not my fault you act like a kid.
It's not my fault you're frigid.
- Did Saul say that? - Yeah, he did.
And it's true.
Look what happened with you and Finn.
Don't you ever, ever talk about me and Finn.
- You stay away from me.
- I didn't mean it.
Frigid.
Frigid.
'I couldn't let Chloe be right.
I'm not a kid and I'm not frigid.
Finn wanted to tell me something the other day and now I wanted to hear it.
It was time to go and get him.
' I would have given you all of my heart But there's someone who's torn it apart And he's taking almost all that I've got 'I wasn't a girl any more.
I could handle it.
' - Mr Nelson, is Finn at home? - He's gone to Leeds.
He left this morning.
Oh, he's gone.
He's going to come back to visit in a few weeks, maybe.
When he's settled.
Thanks.
The first cut is the deepest But when it comes to being lucky, he's cursed When it comes to lovin' me, he's worst But when it comes to being lucky first That's how I know Hi, this is Vic.
If you're calling for Artisan Antiques our working hours are 9-5 The first cut is the deepest I still want you by my side Just to help me dry the tears Rae.
- Can I come in? - What's happened? Nothing.
Then no, Rae, you can't just come around whenever you want.
I'm sorry.
It's just not appropriate.
We'll talk about it at our next session.
Good night, Rae.
The first cut is the deepest But when it comes to being lucky, he's cursed When it comes to lovin' me, he's worst Let's have some fun.
But when it comes to being lucky first That's how I know The first cut is the deepest Baby, I know What are you doing? Don't take your clothes off.
Neither of us are oil paintings, are we? It's probably best if we just kept our clothes on.
Is that OK? Yeah.
Ah, the first cut is the deepest Yes, it is But when it comes to being lucky he's cursed When it comes to being loved That was great, thanks.
The first cut is the deepest.
SHE SIGHS SHE SIGHS I have always found it easier To skirt around it Careful of the stitches Insisted there was more than this And I lost myself I cannot speak To live by myself I'm far too weak I have lost myself and I cannot sleep To live by myself I am far too