NewsRadio (1995) s02e05 Episode Script

Hey, hey, is it too late to just call in sick? Come on, let's just go home.
Come on, Dave, it's not that bad.
The mood in there last week was abysmal.
I know, but everybody's just burnt out.
I'm sure they've had a chance to recover.
Oh, please.
Why don't you two just get a room! Yeah.
Morning, Catherine.
What's good about it? I didn't say "Good morning, Catherine"-- Go to hell.
Okay.
You keep playing these stupid games.
It's all jammed up.
Don't play games.
I'm supposed to fix it? How are you guys doing? Great except for the sore throat and the fever and I think all my teeth are loose.
You have a bug or something? Sounds like a whining disease to me.
Well, aren't we funny? JOE: Dude, you make me sick.
Look at it.
Bill, I'm sorry I put something in your garbage can.
No.
Look at it.
I want you to show me where it says, "This is where Lisa Miller's trash goes.
" Why, it doesn't say that at all, does it? Come on, Bill, it's really not that big a deal, is it? This is not your fight, Dave.
Just walk away.
They seem to have recovered nicely.
Morning, Beth.
[TELEPHONE RINGING.]
You going to get that? You know what? I don't tell you how to do your job.
Now, it would be really, really great if you didn't tell me how to do mine, okay? Who are you and what do you want? It's for you, Dave.
I'll take it in here.
Alrighty! What's that? What's what? That cubicle? That's a cubicle.
What's it doing there? What's it doing where? Who authorized putting that cubicle there? Who authorized putting that cubicle where? In case you haven't figured it out, I'm trying to get through this without ratting anybody out.
MATTHEW: Bill did it.
Bill did what? Forget it, Joe.
He paid for it with his own money.
He said he wanted some privacy.
Uh-huh.
I see.
He said he couldn't stand sharing breathing space with the rest of us idiots.
Did he really say that to you? No, Dave, but I can read between the lines.
Something I can help you with, chief? Bill, why is there a cubicle around your desk? Last week, you told us we should all find ways to relax.
I need complete privacy to relax.
Well, that wasn't really what I had in mind.
I mean, have you thought about how this will make your co-workers feel? Actually, one of the great things about the cubicle is not having to think about my co-workers at all.
Bill, I want you to get rid of the cubicle.
This conflict is very stressful for me.
I think I'll relax in private.
I'll be in my cubicle! [CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYS.]
No.
No! Oh-ho-ho! Oh, yeah? You think I'm the one who's crazy? Is that right? Really? Well, you haven't heard the last of this one, pal.
Wow.
Tough negotiation, huh, sir? No.
Wrong number.
I misdialed.
From the sounds of it, I don't think they'll ever make the mistake of answering their phone again.
So, uh-- so, tell me, are you okay? I don't know.
I haven't felt right since I got in here.
There's a lot of tension in this place, Dave.
There's a lot of tension.
Yeah.
We've been having sort of a rough couple of weeks, but I'm pretty sure it's going to blow over.
It might, it might, but you know what? I think I'm going to call Dr.
Frank anyway.
Dr.
Who? Frank.
Frank Westberg.
He's a therapist.
Oh, yeah.
We did an on-air interview with him a few years ago.
We became friends, and I have him in every once in a while just to clean out everybody's psyches.
He's great.
He's absolutely great.
He's like an enema for the brain.
Well, as delightful as that sounds, sir, I really don't think the staff needs a therapist.
In fact, later on, I'm having a meeting.
We'll talk it all out, and we'll be fine after that.
You are the stubborn one, Dave, but, you know what? I think Dr.
Frank could help you with that.
Well, I just really don't think the staff's going to appreciate some outsider coming in here and playing around with their minds.
Dave, Dave, Dave "Fear of the unknown is spiritual paralysis.
" Dr.
Frank teach you that? No.
Read it on a box of herbal tea.
I'll see you, Dave.
Okay, now, listen, guys.
The atmosphere around this office lately, well, it's been very, very stressful.
[BLOWS LOUDLY.]
.]
I really think the best thing for all of us is if we just take some time and talk it all out, get everything out in the open, all right? So, who would like to go first? Hmm? [COUGHS.]
Oh, come on.
Somebody has to go first.
What about you, Catherine? You've been a little-- Back off, David.
All right, Joe, I know you have something to say, and I would-- Beth? Dave? Never mind.
Okay, look, people if we can't solve this ourselves, Mr.
James wants to bring in a psychologist.
Dr.
Frank? You've heard of him? Of course, we have.
Yeah! Oh, thank god.
So this isn't a problem? No.
He's just what this place needs.
When's he coming? Some time next week-- No, Dave.
Now, Dave.
I guess I could get him in here tomorrow if that's-- That's it.
Yes, yes! Oh, my sinuses are draining.
Good, good.
Good going, chief.
Thanks, Bill.
Get rid of your cubicle? No.
I think you're really going to like Frank.
Yeah-- so, you know him? Oh, yeah.
He's an old friend of mine.
He was my psych professor in college.
I told you.
So what does he do? Hypnosis? Role playing? Brain leeches? What? No.
He just talks to people about their problems.
Oh well, wasn't that what I was just doing? Yeah, but when he does it, people feel better.
Bill? Who is it? Matthew-- it's Matthew Brock, Bill.
Hello, Matthew.
How's it going out there? Good, good.
How's your, uh, little cubicle? Very well, thank you.
I wish I could invite you in, but I have a "no visitors" policy.
That's fine.
I actually just wanted to know if I could maybe my head peek over, you know, see how you set it up, just out of curiosity.
No.
I'd rather you didn't.
Dude, it really is cool back here.
I got to get to work.
Later.
I-- I thought you just said no visitors.
Joe was in here on official business.
Hey, wait a minute.
Is that smoke? Is what smoke? Bill, that's smoke.
Do you have a cigarette in there? Why, I certainly hope not.
I'll tell you what, I'll go downstairs and check.
Bill, this is a non-smoking office.
You know that.
Hey, it's Dr.
Frank! How are you? Hi, Catherine! It's so good to see you! Oh, Beth, hi! Matthew, right? Yeah, the one with all the psychosomatic disorders.
What's up, Dr.
Frank? Hey, Joe.
How's everybody feeling? You don't really want us to get into that right now.
Well, maybe the short version.
Oh, in that case-- fine.
Dr.
Westberg? I'm Dave Nelson.
I'm the news director here.
Dave, it's great to meet you.
I understand your staff's been having some problems? Nothing the great Dr.
Frank can't handle, apparently.
I'll certainly do what I can.
You'll be great.
If anybody can fix it-- Where's Bill? How's the old dog holding up? He's in his little hut over there, smoking.
Yeah.
We've been having a lot of trouble getting Bill to quit smoking in the office.
He's been very stubborn.
Hey, Bill? Some setup you got going here.
Well, hello, Dr.
Frank! You're not smoking in there, are you, Bill? You got me.
Here you go, doc.
I'll cut it out.
Okay, uh, doctor, I know you may think you've gotten him to quit, but I know Bill.
He just has a couple packs hidden in there.
Do you, Bill? Well, yes.
Here you go.
Can't put one past you, Dr.
Frank.
Stay healthy.
We need you.
We'll talk.
Dave What I do is stay for the day and have short, one-on-one sessions with everybody in the office.
You mind if I use this office here for privacy? No.
No.
I guess I wasn't planning on using my office much today.
Frank? Hey! Hey! Oh, how you been? So good to see you! It's been a long time.
What's new? Nothing.
Just working.
Oh, you look terrific.
Oh, thank you.
Listen, if you're not busy right now, why don't you take the first session with me? Okay, unless-- I like to go last, so I can hear what everybody says about me.
Beth, you know, I can't do that.
I know.
I keep forget-- Bad, Beth, bad! No, Beth-- Beth Remember what we talked about.
Lisa, whenever you're ready.
Okay.
Excuse me.
Sorry.
Excuse me.
Hmm? Oh, I'm-- oh, yeah.
I'm sorry.
You're all right about this, right, Dave? Yeah, yeah.
Sure thing.
Sure.
Lisa I just want to ask you something.
Now, this is just a gut feeling I get, and I apologize for even asking.
This is silly, but Was there something between you and Dr.
Frank? Yeah.
Huh? Dave, I told you about this-- when I was in college.
You slept with your therapist? No, he wasn't my therapist.
I would never sleep with my therapist.
He was my professor.
You slept with your professor! Yeah.
I mean, isn't that illegal and disgusting? Illegal? No.
Inappropriate? Yes.
Disgusting? Hardly.
Look, it was just a fling.
We've been friends for a long time.
Lisa, I'm ready for you.
Okay.
We can talk about this later.
Yeah, we'll talk about this as soon as you're done with-- How long have they been in there? Um, let me see.
Oh, actually, Lisa is, like, but, relax, I will make sure you get your turn with Dr.
Frank.
Look, I don't need my turn with Dr.
Frank.
Yes, you do because you're pacing like a rat in one of those educational films about cocaine abuse.
Beth, honey, is Dr.
Frank going to be free soon? Actually, I'm next, but I'm thinking of giving my turn to Dave because his head is about to explode.
Could I be next? I really have a few things I just got to get off my chest.
Catherine, you know, I'm always here for you if you need a sympathetic ear.
David that is so sweet of you.
Thank you.
Anyway, honey, when the doctor get out.
Mm-hmm.
I'll tell you.
Well, I guess I should really just get some work done, as long as I'm just hanging around here waiting.
Oh, great, great, great.
This is terrific.
I need my calculator.
It's in there.
You can use mine, Dave.
It's right here.
I need this month's financial report.
Oh, I have a copy right here, Dave.
Yeah, but I should probably work on the original.
Today's your lucky day, Dave! I have the original right here.
Now, what is this doing out here? This is supposed to be in my office.
Well, I'll, uh Wait, there's more-- Oh, hi, Dave.
Oh! I just came in to get this month's financial report.
The financial report is in your hands.
Yes, it is.
Where were we? Go ahead.
No, you finish.
What's that, Beth? That's great.
No, no.
I'll tell her.
Lisa, I'm really sorry, but Moynihan's office is on line three for that interview.
Oh, shoot.
I really have to take this.
When can we finish this? Whenever you want, Lisa.
It's so good to see you.
Thank you so much.
That was great.
Thanks.
Bye-bye.
Dave Hmm? Would you care to sit down and talk? No thanks.
Lisa and I are going to go to lunch.
I thought she was interviewing Senator Moynihan.
I lied.
Right.
Bill, I mean, it, I want to talk about this I want to talk about it right now.
Matthew, is there something wrong? Dr.
Frank told me to assert myself more with Bill, so that's what I'm doing.
Really? Gee, I seem to remember giving you that exact same advice on several occasions, Matthew.
Whatever, David.
Listen up, Bill, because I'm going to say it once, and I'm going to say this loud.
I want your cubicle removed immediately.
Oh, yeah, I'm feeling it now, David.
Furthermore, Mr.
McNeal, your little holier-than-- than-the-holy-almighty-- holy, holy attitude is not going to be tolerated.
Okay, you walk amongst us, my friend, not in front of us! Matthew David Matthew Don't stop me, David, really.
Yeah.
Let him continue.
Thank you.
David? Mm-hmm? Bill is, uh, standing behind me, isn't he? I'm afraid so, Matthew.
Good, then I don't have to repeat it.
He has got to start eating red meat.
Bill, what exactly do you do in there that is so secret? Look at me-- I'm calm.
I'm relaxed.
Don't screw with a good thing, Dave.
I'll see you later.
I'm going downstairs.
That's great, Bill.
I've seen that before.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I guess I'll just use the elevator then.
"In Washington today, White House Chief of Staff Leon Panetta met with--" My God, how do you type so fast? I sort of go into a trance.
Really? Yeah, it's like being on auto-pilot.
What do we have so far? "In Washington today, "White House Chief of Staff Leon Panetta met with-- "How do you type so fast? "I sort of go into a trance.
Really? "Yeah, it's like being on auto-pilot.
Okay, what do we have so far?" Okay, good What are you doing? Dr.
Frank thought I might feel better about myself if I tried helping Matthew instead of tormenting him relentlessly.
Joe, look, you don't have to automatically do anything that Dr.
Frank tells you to do.
I know that, but I am starting to feel better about myself.
You got a problem with that? Don't you have work of your own you should be doing? David What? This is an important step for him.
Please don't crap all over it.
JOE: Thank you.
MATTHEW: Okay.
What do we got? Shh, shh, shh! We're doing a little relaxation.
Oh, I see.
It looks like he's asleep.
No.
He's actually in an advanced meditative stage.
It's helpful in reducing stress and gaining focus.
Is that a fact? [SNORES, MUMBLES.]
Okay, now he's sleeping.
Jimmy? Time to get up.
Wake up, Jim.
Ohh! Man, do I feel terrific.
Hey, Dave, what's shaking, bacon? Oh, usual stuff, sir.
Let me tell you, Dr.
Frank, you are the original dream weaver.
Mind, body, soul, all present and accounted for.
Glad I could help.
Dave, you have your session with the magic man yet? Did he cure what ails you? I get the feeling Dave's not a therapy guy.
No, I'm not, but I do want to speak to the doctor.
Okay, all right, but just remember, let it out-- Or sweat it out.
Yes.
I love advice that rhymes.
That a boy.
Thanks, Dr.
F.
Any time, Jimmy.
Any time.
Okay.
What's on your mind? I'm not here for therapy, okay? Sorry, sorry.
I want to tell you I really resent the hell out of the fact that you just waltz in here, and start giving these people the same advice I give them, and then they treat you like you're some kind of guru.
I see, but-- I have to be here every day, listening to all their problems and complaints.
Seems to me-- I guess the very fact that they keep coming back to me shows they at least respect my opinion and trust me enough to confide in me.
Well, that's true.
Yeah.
That is true.
Thank God, we didn't do any therapy.
Is that all it is? People just come in and tell you what's bothering them and they feel better? That's basically it.
Kind of enjoyed that.
That was okay.
Yeah.
You know, as long as we're going-- Hang on a second.
I'm sorry, but my time here is officially up.
I'd love to hear about it-- It's just one other thing I wanted to tell you.
All right.
Go ahead.
I can't believe I had to spend the whole day with a guy who slept with my girlfriend.
This has to have been the most awkward and excruciating experience I've ever endured.
I mean, don't you think it's a little bit unethical that you slept with one of your sophomore students? Yes, but I was going through a very strange time back then.
Oh, really? What kind of strange time? I'd rather not talk about it.
You're sure, doc.
You know what they say-- let it out or sweat it out.
Look, I was grappling with my own personal demons.
What kind of personal demons? Sexual addiction.
Sorry, I'm from Wisconsin.
Is that the same as "gettin' a lot"? Similar.
Uh-huh.
I was completely out of control-- impulsive, indiscriminate-- students, faculty, men, women.
It didn't matter.
Boy, it feels good to talk about this.
Well, I'd love to hear more, but I've got work to do.
No, I understand.
You are a good listener.
Thank you.
And you have really nice hands.
Excuse me? Your hands-- I noticed them earlier.
They're quite beautiful.
Doctoryou never fully resolved the aforementioned problem, did you? Not really.
You want to talk? Mm-hmm.
Have a seat on the couch.
Thank you so much, Dave.
It really felt great getting that off my chest.
That was really my pleasure, and good luck with-- well, you know.
Yeah.
Frank.
Oh, Catherine, listen, you take care of yourself.
We need you.
And good luck with-- you know.
Goodbye, Frank.
Lisa.
Give me a call some time, okay? Will do, and take care of yourself.
We need you.
And sometimes, when we think about it, we really need you.
Dr.
Frank? Yeah? I don't think we should take up any more of your time.
Before you go, can you please talk to Bill about getting rid of that cubicle.
Yes.
As much as I dislike having to look at him, it is getting ridiculous.
I don't know.
He seems pretty attached to it.
Bill? Hi, Dr.
Frank.
I understand you're leaving us.
Yes.
Bill, remember, we talked earlier about you needing to remove the metaphorical walls you've put around yourself? I do.
Your analysis was both accurate and poetic.
Well, thank you, Bill, but now I think it's time for you, literally, to remove the walls.
The cubicle is just keeping you at a distance from those around you.
I want you to get rid of it.
Sorry, but no can do.
The privacy this cubicle affords me is integral to my relaxation technique.
You'll just have to trust me on this one, doc.
I gave it a shot.
Yeah, thanks.
You know, I want to try.
Please.
Right.
Uh Bill? Is that you, Dave? Yes, Bill.
Now, Bill, I want you to listen to the sound of my voice, and relax.
This is how I relax, okay? If you think everyone is going to want to see this, go ahead-- tear down the walls.
DR.
FRANK: Okay, everybody, why don't we just let Bill have his privacy? Dr.
Frank? Right.
Sorry.
[.]