No Good Nick (2019) s02e05 Episode Script
The Italian Job
1 [MELLOW INSTRUMENTALS.]
This is so cool.
Mom's going to be a legit restaurant mogul.
We are so proud of you, Mom.
You really deserve this.
But are you sure that's the best location for your new restaurant? I mean, aren't there plenty of better spaces? What could be better? It's literally right across the street.
Yeah.
There it is.
[LIZ.]
The future home of my new bistro.
Fortissimo.
[MELLOW INSTRUMENTALS CONTINUE.]
[INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
Welcome to Franzelli's.
[UPBEAT OPENING CREDITS PLAYING.]
How was the farfalle tonight, Mr.
Garland? Eh, same as usual.
- Perfect.
[CHUCKLES.]
- [AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
[CHUCKLES.]
More garlic knots? What, are you trying to get me addicted, Nick? So I'll come here five times a week? - [AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
- [LAUGHS.]
I'm just trying to make the customer happy.
But if tonight's the night you're starting a low-carb diet let me just get these out of your way.
No, no, no [AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
You ready for some desert, Roger? You can't beat my world-famous cannoli.
Unless you want to take it to the next level with my even more famous tiramisu.
- [TONY CHUCKLES.]
- [AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
[HUSHED.]
Yeah, so about how much does that cost? [AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
I'll tell you what.
I'll bring them both.
On the house.
- Thanks, Tony.
- [TONY LAUGHS.]
Oh, wait.
Hey, there's something in your eye.
- [DISHES CLANKING.]
- Oh.
Is it the moon? - [AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
- Oh, God, here we go.
When the moon hits your eye [ALL.]
Like a big pizza pie, that's amore That's amore When the world seems to shine Like you've had too much wine That's amore - [DISHES CLATTER.]
- That's amore Bells will ring, ting-a-ling-a-ling Ting-a-ling-a-ling And you'll sing, "Vita bella" Vita bella Hearts will play, tippy-tippy-tay Tippy-tippy-tay Like a gay tarantella Lucky fella When the moon hits your eye Like a big pizza pie, that's amore [IN THE DISTANCE.]
That's amore When the world seems to shine [CRICKETS CHIRPING.]
[CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING IN THE DISTANCE.]
- [CLASSICAL MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING.]
- [UTENSILS CLATTER.]
[HUMS AND TINGS OF APPLIANCES.]
What is this? Puttanesca, Chef.
- [DISH SHATTERS.]
- [AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
Listen up, people.
As I'm sure you're aware, most new restaurants fail within the first year and if you keep phoning it in like this, Crescendo will not be the exception.
No one's phoning it in, Boss.
I'm sorry, what's that, Eduardo? Yeah, you're breaking up.
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
Listen to me, okay.
If you don't get busy cooking better than this, we're all going to get busy collecting unemployment.
You got it, Chef.
Everyone, back to work.
Get a mop.
- [AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
- [UPBEAT INSTRUMENTALS.]
If I win sophomore class rep, that'll be the first big step on my resume from the future.
And with me as your hype guy, you can't lose.
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
What is this? Oh, good.
You got my campaign email blast.
You said you were going to campaign for removing soda machines.
Well, that didn't poll well.
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
Turns out, kids like soda.
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
But you promised.
Not only is soda bad for your body, but the cans are bad for the environment.
No, recycling soda cans is a great source of income for homeless people.
And it gives them something to do.
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
[SCOFFS.]
Oh, my God.
I can't believe you just said that.
What is wrong with you? - [JEREMY.]
Whoa! Hey! - [AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
I'm just trying to make the world a better place.
[SCOFFS.]
No, no.
You're just trying to get ahead.
I'm trying to change the world.
No.
You're just trying to get attention.
I'm not trying to get attention.
I'm getting attention for doing good things, like signing people up for Becky's brother's walk-a-thon.
You see, that's exactly the kind of holier-than-thou posturing I'm talking about.
"Welcome home, Mom.
How was your day, Mom? I could care less about your feelings, Mom.
" - [AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
- Couldn't.
"I couldn't care less about your feelings, Mom.
" [AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
Hey, hun.
Check out what I've been working on.
Please, just no.
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
[WINE POURING.]
Was that about the restaurant? [LIZ SIGHS.]
- How's business? - Terrible, thanks for asking.
- [AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
- There's time to turn things around.
I'm sure you'll come up with something.
Don't you think I'm trying? Liz, failure is not an option.
In case you forgot, I'm not technically allowed to approve loans to family members.
If you default, both of us could lose our job.
We could lose this house, we could lose everything.
Oh, thanks, Ed.
I had no idea.
Maybe now, I'll try to make my restaurant a success.
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
I put my career on hold till the kids were older and then I had to work my way up like everyone else.
And now I'm finally the head chef of my own restaurant.
If this fails, I don't get another chance.
I get that.
But you're a great chef and a smart businesswoman.
Then what am I doing wrong? You know, I've got a great location, the food is obviously beyond compare.
I don't understand why people aren't flocking in.
Well, that place Franzelli's, across the street, is doing great.
That slop house serves Chef Boyardee and dumpster trash.
It also serves spaghetti and meatballs and unlimited garlic knots, the kind of food that families actually eat.
I do gourmet Italian.
I do the unexpected.
I do inspired.
You do zero business.
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
[EXHALES.]
Okay, fine.
I guess there just isn't enough room in this neighborhood for two Italian restaurants.
How about this? I'll do an entire family menu and try to steal Franzelli's customers.
Great idea.
I'll serve spaghetti and meatballs.
I'll make cannoli and lasagna.
And I'll do it better and cheaper and just long enough to drive them out of business.
That's the spirit! [AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
Glad I could help.
- [AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
- [UPBEAT INSTRUMENTALS.]
Hey.
Did you know that place across the street is serving spaghetti and meatballs now? I thought you said they only made rich guy food like squid crostini.
- [AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
- [CHUCKLES.]
Well, apparently, this is new.
I mean, no wonder our customers haven't been showing up.
Those guys are trying to drive us out of business.
- But that's not fair.
- Exactly.
We were here first.
They think they can just come in and steal our menus and our customers? - No way.
- You're damn right, Phil.
You know what? If they want a war, I will give them a war.
They think that they can play on my turf? [CHUCKLES.]
Oh, no.
I will do them one better.
I will put in a brick pizza oven, just like the one my grandma had back in Napoli.
I love it.
We will show those snot-nosed people over at Crescendo what real Italian food is all about.
Love and heart and family.
I'm not going to let them win.
But how are we going to pay for it? Nicky, that's what our rainy day fund is for.
- [NICK CHUCKLES.]
- [AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
[UPBEAT INSTRUMENTALS.]
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
Who ate all the Crunchy-O's? - [MUFFLED.]
I don't know.
- [AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
Why would someone put the box back if it's empty? [MUFFLED.]
The trash is full.
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
- [AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
- Where's the chore chart? Whose chore is it to empty the trash? [MUFFLED.]
I don't know.
- [ED SIGHS.]
- [AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
[ED.]
Whatever.
Is there anything to eat in this house? Well, we could ask Mom to make something - if we wanted to get murdered.
- [AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
She has literally been a monster since she started that restaurant.
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
- And she's never here anymore.
- [DOOR OPENS, CLOSES.]
You want her around more? - [AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
- No.
I want the old Mom back.
The one who's actually here when she's here.
[JEREMY SIGHS.]
Look, this has been hard on all of us.
But it's her dream and that restaurant across the street is standing in her way.
We can all be a little more supportive.
What are we supposed to do? I don't know.
But shouldn't we be the kind of family that helps each other out? [MELLOW INSTRUMENTALS.]
Are you sure this is okay? I'm telling you, Nick, this brick oven is going to pay for itself.
My buddy in Seattle put one in.
He's raking in the cash.
[CHUCKLES.]
No, I meant is it okay to put a hole in the wall? [AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
Sure.
Now stop being a chicken.
- [AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
- [NICK LAUGHS.]
- [THUD.]
- [NICK GASPS, LAUGHS.]
[TONY LAUGHS.]
[CHUCKLES.]
Oh, my God, that was so much fun.
- I know, right? Here, my turn.
- [NICK.]
Okay.
- [THUD.]
- [NICK LAUGHS.]
- [WALL CRACKS.]
- [NICK GASPS, LAUGHS.]
[TONY LAUGHS.]
Oh, we've got a customer! [SHUTTER SOUND.]
[TONY.]
Go.
[MELLOW INSTRUMENTALS.]
No, you have to check in or no one will believe you're a real customer.
Isn't this a little sketchy? I'm telling you, that place uses GMO meat and factory-farmed foods.
Oh, hell no.
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
I heard they don't even pay their employees fair wages.
Trust me, we're doing good by warning people about their anti-progressive practices.
"I went to Franzelli's and you can taste the anguish in every bite of their irresponsible - veal Parmesan.
" [CHUCKLES.]
- [AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
"If you love nitrates, Franzelli's is a place for you.
They also use products from big corporate farms.
Hashtag buy local.
" One star.
- [AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
- Ooh, I know! "I literally saw rats in the kitchen.
" Zero stars.
- [LAUGHING.]
- [AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
Oh, what about this? "This place is so filthy the health department - almost shut them down.
" - [AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
Guys, we are doing such a good thing for local farmers and organic grocers.
We should turn this into a club or something.
Ooh, good idea.
You know, I'm starving.
Any chance your mom made some snacks? Are you kidding? She never has time to cook for us.
Maybe she'll be around more often once her restaurant starts doing better.
[UPBEAT INSTRUMENTALS.]
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
- [LAUGHING.]
- [AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
- Look how cute we are.
[LAUGHS.]
- [LAUGHS.]
Let's get as many of these as we can before I have to get my braces on.
- [LAUGHS.]
Okay.
- [AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
[PHONE DINGS.]
[NICK EXHALES.]
What's going on? A whole bunch of reviews just came in on Yelp.
Look at this.
Franzelli's rating went from 4.
5 stars to two stars.
Who's Molly T? Click on her profile.
Wait.
That girl came by the restaurant last week, but she didn't even eat here.
She just looked at the menu and took off.
It's like she's trying to hurt us.
Why would someone do that? [STAMMERING.]
I don't know, but this is a disaster.
We're way behind schedule on the oven and, with all this construction, no one even knows we're open.
[NICK SIGHS.]
You and your dad have been through tough times before.
You two always figure things out together.
Hey, Riley, you want some more pizza roll-ups? No thanks, Mr.
F.
I haven't been this stuffed since I won the hotdog-eating contest - at my family reunion.
- [AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
My uncle says that I must have four stomachs, like a cow, which sounds rude, but it came from a place of love.
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
So I'm cool with it.
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
Huh.
That's great, Riley.
- [AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
- How's the oven going? Oh, good.
We ran into a little snag with some mold in the wall, but that kind of thing happens all the time.
Mold in the wall? Yeah, now that we've opened it up, we have to remediate it.
It's building code.
It's no big deal.
I'll just go back to the bank and ask them for an extension on the loan.
Are you sure it's nothing to worry about? Trust me.
It's nothing to worry about.
[MELLOW INSTRUMENTALS.]
Did you see this? "Crescendo, a modern take on elegant Italian.
" 4.
5 stars.
Wow, that's great, Boss.
Yeah.
All my hard work is finally starting to pay off.
This food blogger has thousands of followers.
And I even heard a guy at the gym talking about how good your cannoli is.
- Wow, really? - [CHUCKLES.]
You go to a gym? [AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
- [LAUGHS.]
- [ALL LAUGHING.]
[DYING LAUGHTER INTO SIGHS.]
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
[UPBEAT INSTRUMENTALS.]
I'll wrap up by saying "As soon as the new oven is done, Franzelli's cash flow will be more than enough to service the debt.
" It's too impersonal.
- [SIGHS DEEPLY.]
- You have to appeal to their emotions.
Tell them that Franzelli's is a family business and we treat our customers like family, too.
[EXHALES.]
Pull on the heartstrings.
Nice.
- [AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
- [EXHALES.]
Okay, I think I'm ready.
Oh, wait.
Bring it in.
Okay.
Now you're ready.
[EXHALES.]
- [BIRDS CHIRPING.]
- [TRAIN WAILING IN THE DISTANCE.]
[CHUCKLES.]
Hey.
Nice to meet you.
I'm Ed.
Tony.
- Come in.
Have a seat.
- Thank you.
- Candy? - [AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
[CHUCKLES.]
No, thanks, I'm good.
But I brought you something.
A little cannoli.
- Oh, thanks.
- [CHUCKLES.]
- [MOANS.]
- [CHUCKLES.]
That is good.
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
That is really good.
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
Thank you.
It's a favorite at my restaurant.
I can see why.
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
Mm.
Tony Franzelli? Franzelli's on Bonneteau Street? Yeah.
Yes, sir.
That's right.
We've been there nearly a decade.
[ED INHALES.]
Well, it says here that the business was doing really good.
You know, no delinquencies on the loan until recently.
You missed the last couple of payments.
We ran into some cash flow problems, but I can assure you we'll be back on track really soon and we just need an extension on the loan.
[ED SIGHS.]
Well I want to help you.
But I have to follow the rules.
I'm sorry.
I can't extend the loan.
Look, Mr.
Thompson I can see that you're a family man.
I'm a family man, too.
And at Franzelli's, we treat our customers like family.
- I am a family man.
- [EXHALES.]
But my hands are tied.
Bank regulations.
Sorry.
[STAMMERS.]
Wait.
I looked up those bank regulations.
The loan officer may, at their discretion, grant an extension to long-standing customers.
Surely you can give me a couple more months.
That's all I'm asking for.
Well, you're right.
I do have discretion.
But I'm using that discretion to say no.
Sorry.
[EXHALES.]
Hey, no, it's fine, okay? We'll take our business to another bank.
A better bank.
Okay? We'll figure it out.
Like we always do.
[MELLOW INSTRUMENTALS.]
[LOCKER SLAMS SHUT.]
[SIGHS.]
Franzelli's won't go out of business.
Your dad is a great cook, people love his food.
But what if that's not enough? It's not just a restaurant.
It's my home.
It's been me and my dad in that restaurant for as long as I can remember.
It's part of me.
Nick it'll be okay.
Yeah.
He keeps saying that, too.
But I feel like I have to do something.
What you have to do is go play soccer.
- [AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
- And heads up.
Gina's wearing her Hufflepuff robe, so don't expect any help on offense.
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
[UPBEAT INSTRUMENTALS.]
So is your boss going to help me or not? [UTENSILS SCRAPING.]
Look, Tony so the restaurant's going under.
Just pack it in, start over again somewhere else.
It's not the end of the world.
[CHUCKLES.]
It is to me.
It's all we've got.
Trust me.
You don't want to go in this direction.
I've been to every bank in town.
I just need enough to cover the construction, get the bank loan current, and the business will come back.
[SNIFFS.]
Okay, Tony.
These guys don't play around.
[CHUCKLES.]
[TONY INHALES.]
[UPBEAT INSTRUMENTALS.]
Hey, fam.
- You're in a good mood.
- [AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
Yeah, well, this family menu is really working.
Business is improving and that place across the street is still remodeling.
I haven't seen a customer go in there in weeks.
I can't imagine they'll have a chance of staying afloat much longer.
[SIGHS.]
They just need one more push.
Man, with them out of the way, I could really turn a profit.
It'd be so nice to have some extra cash in this house.
[UPBEAT INSTRUMENTALS.]
- [TONY CHUCKLES.]
- [ENGINE REVS.]
- [LAUGHS.]
- What What's all this? Now that the brick oven is finally ready I had these menus printed up.
But we didn't have any money left for the printing.
I used my money from my allowance and tips.
[CHUCKLES.]
Nicky! [LAUGHS.]
They've got coupons and we can leave them all over the neighborhood.
Starting with this parking lot.
Grand re-opening? [CHUCKLES.]
We've been open.
I know, but no one else seems to know that.
- [NICK CHUCKLES.]
- Okay.
This'll be like an event.
We'll get the customers back and we'll sing and it'll be like old times again.
That's a great idea.
[LAUGHS.]
But I've got an idea of my own.
You take that row.
I'll take this row.
Last one back buys the Gelato Gigantico.
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
Challenge accepted.
- [AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
- [LAUGHING.]
Oh, wait, Nick.
One more thing.
Go! - [UPBEAT INSTRUMENTALS.]
- [AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
[NICK LAUGHS.]
[TONY PANTING.]
Man, I am so nervous about this election.
Dude, it's in the bag.
You've got the votes.
Jeremy Thompson sophomore class rep.
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
Ooh.
There's the exact car I want.
Is it too early to call shotgun? [AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
Hey, this is for that restaurant across the street from my mom's.
Here, help me take them off the rest of the cars.
Are you sure you want to do that, Boss? [SCOFFS.]
Don't be such a boy scout.
Hey, look, if business picks up at my mom's restaurant, I'm sure to get a car when I turn 16.
I'll give you a ride wherever you want to go.
Ten-mile radius.
- [AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
- Fifteen on Sundays.
Deal.
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
[PAPERS TEARING.]
Hey! Hey, stop! What are you doing? [JIM EXHALES.]
- Dude, run! - What? Wait, there's a whole box.
Let's grab it.
[RECEDING FOOTSTEPS.]
- [EXHALES.]
- [FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING.]
[PAPERS RUSTLING.]
They took the whole box.
It'll be fine.
It'll be fine.
[MELLOW INSTRUMENTALS.]
[TONY.]
I'm sorry, Phil.
You know, I just [SIGHS.]
I can't afford to keep you on the payroll right now.
I understand, man.
So just go do what you've got to do to pay the bills.
I'll give you whatever reference you need.
- Thanks, Tony.
- Yeah.
[HANDS CLAP.]
See you around, kid.
- [PHIL EXHALES.]
- [DOOR OPENS.]
[CRICKETS CHIRPING.]
- [DOOR CLOSES.]
- Okay, back to work.
Hello.
Welcome to Franzelli's.
Table for two? Er, Nicky, I'll take care of these customers.
Why don't you go check on the marinara? [DOOR OPENS, CLOSES.]
How's business? [STAMMERING.]
You know, it's slow, but it's going to pick up.
That's good news, because you're late.
I know.
I just [EXHALES.]
You know, I just can't pay you right now.
Can you give me a couple of weeks? Can't isn't an option.
A father has to do whatever it takes for his family.
Am I right? Absolutely.
- [TENSE INSTRUMENTALS.]
- [WHOOSHING SOUND.]
- [MELLOW INSTRUMENTALS.]
- [CRICKETS CHIRPING.]
[DOOR CLICKS OPEN.]
[CAR RUSHING.]
Great news, everyone.
Crescendo has turned a corner.
Last month, we made our first profit since we opened.
Business is up, reviews are great.
I think we're out of the woods.
That is amazing.
- Congrats, Mom.
- That's so cool.
Maybe if things keep going in this direction, you could cook dinner for us every night.
Ha! Dream on.
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
[GLASSES TING.]
[TONY CHUCKLES.]
Huh? You see? - I knew people would start coming back.
- [CHUCKLES.]
- You were right.
[CHUCKLES.]
- [CHUCKLES.]
Ooh, more customers.
Wait, wait, Nick.
Nicky Listen to me.
Everything's going to be alright, okay? I promise.
- [APPROACHING FOOTSTEPS.]
- What's going on, Dad? Tony Franzelli? We have a warrant for your arrest on a charge of robbery in the second degree.
[MUFFLED CHATTER.]
Dad? It's okay.
- [HANDCUFFS CLICKING.]
- We'll figure it out.
Just like we always do.
- [NICK EXHALES.]
- [HANDCUFFS TIGHTENING.]
[INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
[ED.]
Hey, what's going on out there? [INDISTINCT POLICE DISPATCH CHATTER.]
Dad Dad, what's happening? [INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
[TONY.]
Oh, my God.
Look.
They were working together.
They're a family.
What? That's the banker that denied my loan.
He's connected to that new restaurant.
And that's the boy who trashed our menus and the girl who posted those fake reviews! - They did this to us, Nicky.
- [CRIES SOFTLY.]
[RATTLED BREATH.]
They ruined our lives! [NICK GASPS.]
[CAR DOOR SLAMS.]
[INDISTINCT RADIO DISPATCH CHATTER.]
- [CAR DOOR OPENS.]
- [POLICE SIREN WHOOPING.]
[CAR DOOR SLAMS.]
- [POLICE SIREN.]
- [ENGINE TURNS, REVS.]
I wonder what that guy did.
Some people just aren't upstanding citizens like us.
Good riddance.
Looks like I won.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
Nicole Franzelli? My name is Leslie.
I'm with Child Services.
And this is Sam and Dorothy Harbaugh.
They're going to help get you through this.
Nice to meet you, Nicole.
[DOROTHY.]
Aw.
I know that this is hard.
But we want you to know that everything's going to be okay.
If you could just look through this file [CRICKETS CHIRPING.]
[MELLOW INSTRUMENTALS.]
I told you there wasn't room in this neighborhood for two Italian restaurants.
But I was wrong.
Turns out we just needed two of my Italian restaurants.
[ED LAUGHS.]
Go Thompsons.
We are killing it.
Yep.
There's no stopping you now.
[MELLOW INSTRUMENTALS CONTINUE.]
This is so cool.
Mom's going to be a legit restaurant mogul.
We are so proud of you, Mom.
You really deserve this.
But are you sure that's the best location for your new restaurant? I mean, aren't there plenty of better spaces? What could be better? It's literally right across the street.
Yeah.
There it is.
[LIZ.]
The future home of my new bistro.
Fortissimo.
[MELLOW INSTRUMENTALS CONTINUE.]
[INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
Welcome to Franzelli's.
[UPBEAT OPENING CREDITS PLAYING.]
How was the farfalle tonight, Mr.
Garland? Eh, same as usual.
- Perfect.
[CHUCKLES.]
- [AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
[CHUCKLES.]
More garlic knots? What, are you trying to get me addicted, Nick? So I'll come here five times a week? - [AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
- [LAUGHS.]
I'm just trying to make the customer happy.
But if tonight's the night you're starting a low-carb diet let me just get these out of your way.
No, no, no [AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
You ready for some desert, Roger? You can't beat my world-famous cannoli.
Unless you want to take it to the next level with my even more famous tiramisu.
- [TONY CHUCKLES.]
- [AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
[HUSHED.]
Yeah, so about how much does that cost? [AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
I'll tell you what.
I'll bring them both.
On the house.
- Thanks, Tony.
- [TONY LAUGHS.]
Oh, wait.
Hey, there's something in your eye.
- [DISHES CLANKING.]
- Oh.
Is it the moon? - [AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
- Oh, God, here we go.
When the moon hits your eye [ALL.]
Like a big pizza pie, that's amore That's amore When the world seems to shine Like you've had too much wine That's amore - [DISHES CLATTER.]
- That's amore Bells will ring, ting-a-ling-a-ling Ting-a-ling-a-ling And you'll sing, "Vita bella" Vita bella Hearts will play, tippy-tippy-tay Tippy-tippy-tay Like a gay tarantella Lucky fella When the moon hits your eye Like a big pizza pie, that's amore [IN THE DISTANCE.]
That's amore When the world seems to shine [CRICKETS CHIRPING.]
[CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING IN THE DISTANCE.]
- [CLASSICAL MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING.]
- [UTENSILS CLATTER.]
[HUMS AND TINGS OF APPLIANCES.]
What is this? Puttanesca, Chef.
- [DISH SHATTERS.]
- [AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
Listen up, people.
As I'm sure you're aware, most new restaurants fail within the first year and if you keep phoning it in like this, Crescendo will not be the exception.
No one's phoning it in, Boss.
I'm sorry, what's that, Eduardo? Yeah, you're breaking up.
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
Listen to me, okay.
If you don't get busy cooking better than this, we're all going to get busy collecting unemployment.
You got it, Chef.
Everyone, back to work.
Get a mop.
- [AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
- [UPBEAT INSTRUMENTALS.]
If I win sophomore class rep, that'll be the first big step on my resume from the future.
And with me as your hype guy, you can't lose.
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
What is this? Oh, good.
You got my campaign email blast.
You said you were going to campaign for removing soda machines.
Well, that didn't poll well.
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
Turns out, kids like soda.
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
But you promised.
Not only is soda bad for your body, but the cans are bad for the environment.
No, recycling soda cans is a great source of income for homeless people.
And it gives them something to do.
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
[SCOFFS.]
Oh, my God.
I can't believe you just said that.
What is wrong with you? - [JEREMY.]
Whoa! Hey! - [AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
I'm just trying to make the world a better place.
[SCOFFS.]
No, no.
You're just trying to get ahead.
I'm trying to change the world.
No.
You're just trying to get attention.
I'm not trying to get attention.
I'm getting attention for doing good things, like signing people up for Becky's brother's walk-a-thon.
You see, that's exactly the kind of holier-than-thou posturing I'm talking about.
"Welcome home, Mom.
How was your day, Mom? I could care less about your feelings, Mom.
" - [AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
- Couldn't.
"I couldn't care less about your feelings, Mom.
" [AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
Hey, hun.
Check out what I've been working on.
Please, just no.
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
[WINE POURING.]
Was that about the restaurant? [LIZ SIGHS.]
- How's business? - Terrible, thanks for asking.
- [AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
- There's time to turn things around.
I'm sure you'll come up with something.
Don't you think I'm trying? Liz, failure is not an option.
In case you forgot, I'm not technically allowed to approve loans to family members.
If you default, both of us could lose our job.
We could lose this house, we could lose everything.
Oh, thanks, Ed.
I had no idea.
Maybe now, I'll try to make my restaurant a success.
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
I put my career on hold till the kids were older and then I had to work my way up like everyone else.
And now I'm finally the head chef of my own restaurant.
If this fails, I don't get another chance.
I get that.
But you're a great chef and a smart businesswoman.
Then what am I doing wrong? You know, I've got a great location, the food is obviously beyond compare.
I don't understand why people aren't flocking in.
Well, that place Franzelli's, across the street, is doing great.
That slop house serves Chef Boyardee and dumpster trash.
It also serves spaghetti and meatballs and unlimited garlic knots, the kind of food that families actually eat.
I do gourmet Italian.
I do the unexpected.
I do inspired.
You do zero business.
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
[EXHALES.]
Okay, fine.
I guess there just isn't enough room in this neighborhood for two Italian restaurants.
How about this? I'll do an entire family menu and try to steal Franzelli's customers.
Great idea.
I'll serve spaghetti and meatballs.
I'll make cannoli and lasagna.
And I'll do it better and cheaper and just long enough to drive them out of business.
That's the spirit! [AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
Glad I could help.
- [AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
- [UPBEAT INSTRUMENTALS.]
Hey.
Did you know that place across the street is serving spaghetti and meatballs now? I thought you said they only made rich guy food like squid crostini.
- [AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
- [CHUCKLES.]
Well, apparently, this is new.
I mean, no wonder our customers haven't been showing up.
Those guys are trying to drive us out of business.
- But that's not fair.
- Exactly.
We were here first.
They think they can just come in and steal our menus and our customers? - No way.
- You're damn right, Phil.
You know what? If they want a war, I will give them a war.
They think that they can play on my turf? [CHUCKLES.]
Oh, no.
I will do them one better.
I will put in a brick pizza oven, just like the one my grandma had back in Napoli.
I love it.
We will show those snot-nosed people over at Crescendo what real Italian food is all about.
Love and heart and family.
I'm not going to let them win.
But how are we going to pay for it? Nicky, that's what our rainy day fund is for.
- [NICK CHUCKLES.]
- [AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
[UPBEAT INSTRUMENTALS.]
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
Who ate all the Crunchy-O's? - [MUFFLED.]
I don't know.
- [AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
Why would someone put the box back if it's empty? [MUFFLED.]
The trash is full.
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
- [AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
- Where's the chore chart? Whose chore is it to empty the trash? [MUFFLED.]
I don't know.
- [ED SIGHS.]
- [AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
[ED.]
Whatever.
Is there anything to eat in this house? Well, we could ask Mom to make something - if we wanted to get murdered.
- [AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
She has literally been a monster since she started that restaurant.
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
- And she's never here anymore.
- [DOOR OPENS, CLOSES.]
You want her around more? - [AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
- No.
I want the old Mom back.
The one who's actually here when she's here.
[JEREMY SIGHS.]
Look, this has been hard on all of us.
But it's her dream and that restaurant across the street is standing in her way.
We can all be a little more supportive.
What are we supposed to do? I don't know.
But shouldn't we be the kind of family that helps each other out? [MELLOW INSTRUMENTALS.]
Are you sure this is okay? I'm telling you, Nick, this brick oven is going to pay for itself.
My buddy in Seattle put one in.
He's raking in the cash.
[CHUCKLES.]
No, I meant is it okay to put a hole in the wall? [AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
Sure.
Now stop being a chicken.
- [AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
- [NICK LAUGHS.]
- [THUD.]
- [NICK GASPS, LAUGHS.]
[TONY LAUGHS.]
[CHUCKLES.]
Oh, my God, that was so much fun.
- I know, right? Here, my turn.
- [NICK.]
Okay.
- [THUD.]
- [NICK LAUGHS.]
- [WALL CRACKS.]
- [NICK GASPS, LAUGHS.]
[TONY LAUGHS.]
Oh, we've got a customer! [SHUTTER SOUND.]
[TONY.]
Go.
[MELLOW INSTRUMENTALS.]
No, you have to check in or no one will believe you're a real customer.
Isn't this a little sketchy? I'm telling you, that place uses GMO meat and factory-farmed foods.
Oh, hell no.
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
I heard they don't even pay their employees fair wages.
Trust me, we're doing good by warning people about their anti-progressive practices.
"I went to Franzelli's and you can taste the anguish in every bite of their irresponsible - veal Parmesan.
" [CHUCKLES.]
- [AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
"If you love nitrates, Franzelli's is a place for you.
They also use products from big corporate farms.
Hashtag buy local.
" One star.
- [AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
- Ooh, I know! "I literally saw rats in the kitchen.
" Zero stars.
- [LAUGHING.]
- [AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
Oh, what about this? "This place is so filthy the health department - almost shut them down.
" - [AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
Guys, we are doing such a good thing for local farmers and organic grocers.
We should turn this into a club or something.
Ooh, good idea.
You know, I'm starving.
Any chance your mom made some snacks? Are you kidding? She never has time to cook for us.
Maybe she'll be around more often once her restaurant starts doing better.
[UPBEAT INSTRUMENTALS.]
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
- [LAUGHING.]
- [AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
- Look how cute we are.
[LAUGHS.]
- [LAUGHS.]
Let's get as many of these as we can before I have to get my braces on.
- [LAUGHS.]
Okay.
- [AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
[PHONE DINGS.]
[NICK EXHALES.]
What's going on? A whole bunch of reviews just came in on Yelp.
Look at this.
Franzelli's rating went from 4.
5 stars to two stars.
Who's Molly T? Click on her profile.
Wait.
That girl came by the restaurant last week, but she didn't even eat here.
She just looked at the menu and took off.
It's like she's trying to hurt us.
Why would someone do that? [STAMMERING.]
I don't know, but this is a disaster.
We're way behind schedule on the oven and, with all this construction, no one even knows we're open.
[NICK SIGHS.]
You and your dad have been through tough times before.
You two always figure things out together.
Hey, Riley, you want some more pizza roll-ups? No thanks, Mr.
F.
I haven't been this stuffed since I won the hotdog-eating contest - at my family reunion.
- [AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
My uncle says that I must have four stomachs, like a cow, which sounds rude, but it came from a place of love.
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
So I'm cool with it.
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
Huh.
That's great, Riley.
- [AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
- How's the oven going? Oh, good.
We ran into a little snag with some mold in the wall, but that kind of thing happens all the time.
Mold in the wall? Yeah, now that we've opened it up, we have to remediate it.
It's building code.
It's no big deal.
I'll just go back to the bank and ask them for an extension on the loan.
Are you sure it's nothing to worry about? Trust me.
It's nothing to worry about.
[MELLOW INSTRUMENTALS.]
Did you see this? "Crescendo, a modern take on elegant Italian.
" 4.
5 stars.
Wow, that's great, Boss.
Yeah.
All my hard work is finally starting to pay off.
This food blogger has thousands of followers.
And I even heard a guy at the gym talking about how good your cannoli is.
- Wow, really? - [CHUCKLES.]
You go to a gym? [AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
- [LAUGHS.]
- [ALL LAUGHING.]
[DYING LAUGHTER INTO SIGHS.]
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
[UPBEAT INSTRUMENTALS.]
I'll wrap up by saying "As soon as the new oven is done, Franzelli's cash flow will be more than enough to service the debt.
" It's too impersonal.
- [SIGHS DEEPLY.]
- You have to appeal to their emotions.
Tell them that Franzelli's is a family business and we treat our customers like family, too.
[EXHALES.]
Pull on the heartstrings.
Nice.
- [AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
- [EXHALES.]
Okay, I think I'm ready.
Oh, wait.
Bring it in.
Okay.
Now you're ready.
[EXHALES.]
- [BIRDS CHIRPING.]
- [TRAIN WAILING IN THE DISTANCE.]
[CHUCKLES.]
Hey.
Nice to meet you.
I'm Ed.
Tony.
- Come in.
Have a seat.
- Thank you.
- Candy? - [AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
[CHUCKLES.]
No, thanks, I'm good.
But I brought you something.
A little cannoli.
- Oh, thanks.
- [CHUCKLES.]
- [MOANS.]
- [CHUCKLES.]
That is good.
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
That is really good.
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
Thank you.
It's a favorite at my restaurant.
I can see why.
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
Mm.
Tony Franzelli? Franzelli's on Bonneteau Street? Yeah.
Yes, sir.
That's right.
We've been there nearly a decade.
[ED INHALES.]
Well, it says here that the business was doing really good.
You know, no delinquencies on the loan until recently.
You missed the last couple of payments.
We ran into some cash flow problems, but I can assure you we'll be back on track really soon and we just need an extension on the loan.
[ED SIGHS.]
Well I want to help you.
But I have to follow the rules.
I'm sorry.
I can't extend the loan.
Look, Mr.
Thompson I can see that you're a family man.
I'm a family man, too.
And at Franzelli's, we treat our customers like family.
- I am a family man.
- [EXHALES.]
But my hands are tied.
Bank regulations.
Sorry.
[STAMMERS.]
Wait.
I looked up those bank regulations.
The loan officer may, at their discretion, grant an extension to long-standing customers.
Surely you can give me a couple more months.
That's all I'm asking for.
Well, you're right.
I do have discretion.
But I'm using that discretion to say no.
Sorry.
[EXHALES.]
Hey, no, it's fine, okay? We'll take our business to another bank.
A better bank.
Okay? We'll figure it out.
Like we always do.
[MELLOW INSTRUMENTALS.]
[LOCKER SLAMS SHUT.]
[SIGHS.]
Franzelli's won't go out of business.
Your dad is a great cook, people love his food.
But what if that's not enough? It's not just a restaurant.
It's my home.
It's been me and my dad in that restaurant for as long as I can remember.
It's part of me.
Nick it'll be okay.
Yeah.
He keeps saying that, too.
But I feel like I have to do something.
What you have to do is go play soccer.
- [AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
- And heads up.
Gina's wearing her Hufflepuff robe, so don't expect any help on offense.
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
[UPBEAT INSTRUMENTALS.]
So is your boss going to help me or not? [UTENSILS SCRAPING.]
Look, Tony so the restaurant's going under.
Just pack it in, start over again somewhere else.
It's not the end of the world.
[CHUCKLES.]
It is to me.
It's all we've got.
Trust me.
You don't want to go in this direction.
I've been to every bank in town.
I just need enough to cover the construction, get the bank loan current, and the business will come back.
[SNIFFS.]
Okay, Tony.
These guys don't play around.
[CHUCKLES.]
[TONY INHALES.]
[UPBEAT INSTRUMENTALS.]
Hey, fam.
- You're in a good mood.
- [AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
Yeah, well, this family menu is really working.
Business is improving and that place across the street is still remodeling.
I haven't seen a customer go in there in weeks.
I can't imagine they'll have a chance of staying afloat much longer.
[SIGHS.]
They just need one more push.
Man, with them out of the way, I could really turn a profit.
It'd be so nice to have some extra cash in this house.
[UPBEAT INSTRUMENTALS.]
- [TONY CHUCKLES.]
- [ENGINE REVS.]
- [LAUGHS.]
- What What's all this? Now that the brick oven is finally ready I had these menus printed up.
But we didn't have any money left for the printing.
I used my money from my allowance and tips.
[CHUCKLES.]
Nicky! [LAUGHS.]
They've got coupons and we can leave them all over the neighborhood.
Starting with this parking lot.
Grand re-opening? [CHUCKLES.]
We've been open.
I know, but no one else seems to know that.
- [NICK CHUCKLES.]
- Okay.
This'll be like an event.
We'll get the customers back and we'll sing and it'll be like old times again.
That's a great idea.
[LAUGHS.]
But I've got an idea of my own.
You take that row.
I'll take this row.
Last one back buys the Gelato Gigantico.
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
Challenge accepted.
- [AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
- [LAUGHING.]
Oh, wait, Nick.
One more thing.
Go! - [UPBEAT INSTRUMENTALS.]
- [AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
[NICK LAUGHS.]
[TONY PANTING.]
Man, I am so nervous about this election.
Dude, it's in the bag.
You've got the votes.
Jeremy Thompson sophomore class rep.
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
Ooh.
There's the exact car I want.
Is it too early to call shotgun? [AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
Hey, this is for that restaurant across the street from my mom's.
Here, help me take them off the rest of the cars.
Are you sure you want to do that, Boss? [SCOFFS.]
Don't be such a boy scout.
Hey, look, if business picks up at my mom's restaurant, I'm sure to get a car when I turn 16.
I'll give you a ride wherever you want to go.
Ten-mile radius.
- [AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
- Fifteen on Sundays.
Deal.
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
[PAPERS TEARING.]
Hey! Hey, stop! What are you doing? [JIM EXHALES.]
- Dude, run! - What? Wait, there's a whole box.
Let's grab it.
[RECEDING FOOTSTEPS.]
- [EXHALES.]
- [FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING.]
[PAPERS RUSTLING.]
They took the whole box.
It'll be fine.
It'll be fine.
[MELLOW INSTRUMENTALS.]
[TONY.]
I'm sorry, Phil.
You know, I just [SIGHS.]
I can't afford to keep you on the payroll right now.
I understand, man.
So just go do what you've got to do to pay the bills.
I'll give you whatever reference you need.
- Thanks, Tony.
- Yeah.
[HANDS CLAP.]
See you around, kid.
- [PHIL EXHALES.]
- [DOOR OPENS.]
[CRICKETS CHIRPING.]
- [DOOR CLOSES.]
- Okay, back to work.
Hello.
Welcome to Franzelli's.
Table for two? Er, Nicky, I'll take care of these customers.
Why don't you go check on the marinara? [DOOR OPENS, CLOSES.]
How's business? [STAMMERING.]
You know, it's slow, but it's going to pick up.
That's good news, because you're late.
I know.
I just [EXHALES.]
You know, I just can't pay you right now.
Can you give me a couple of weeks? Can't isn't an option.
A father has to do whatever it takes for his family.
Am I right? Absolutely.
- [TENSE INSTRUMENTALS.]
- [WHOOSHING SOUND.]
- [MELLOW INSTRUMENTALS.]
- [CRICKETS CHIRPING.]
[DOOR CLICKS OPEN.]
[CAR RUSHING.]
Great news, everyone.
Crescendo has turned a corner.
Last month, we made our first profit since we opened.
Business is up, reviews are great.
I think we're out of the woods.
That is amazing.
- Congrats, Mom.
- That's so cool.
Maybe if things keep going in this direction, you could cook dinner for us every night.
Ha! Dream on.
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
[GLASSES TING.]
[TONY CHUCKLES.]
Huh? You see? - I knew people would start coming back.
- [CHUCKLES.]
- You were right.
[CHUCKLES.]
- [CHUCKLES.]
Ooh, more customers.
Wait, wait, Nick.
Nicky Listen to me.
Everything's going to be alright, okay? I promise.
- [APPROACHING FOOTSTEPS.]
- What's going on, Dad? Tony Franzelli? We have a warrant for your arrest on a charge of robbery in the second degree.
[MUFFLED CHATTER.]
Dad? It's okay.
- [HANDCUFFS CLICKING.]
- We'll figure it out.
Just like we always do.
- [NICK EXHALES.]
- [HANDCUFFS TIGHTENING.]
[INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
[ED.]
Hey, what's going on out there? [INDISTINCT POLICE DISPATCH CHATTER.]
Dad Dad, what's happening? [INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
[TONY.]
Oh, my God.
Look.
They were working together.
They're a family.
What? That's the banker that denied my loan.
He's connected to that new restaurant.
And that's the boy who trashed our menus and the girl who posted those fake reviews! - They did this to us, Nicky.
- [CRIES SOFTLY.]
[RATTLED BREATH.]
They ruined our lives! [NICK GASPS.]
[CAR DOOR SLAMS.]
[INDISTINCT RADIO DISPATCH CHATTER.]
- [CAR DOOR OPENS.]
- [POLICE SIREN WHOOPING.]
[CAR DOOR SLAMS.]
- [POLICE SIREN.]
- [ENGINE TURNS, REVS.]
I wonder what that guy did.
Some people just aren't upstanding citizens like us.
Good riddance.
Looks like I won.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
Nicole Franzelli? My name is Leslie.
I'm with Child Services.
And this is Sam and Dorothy Harbaugh.
They're going to help get you through this.
Nice to meet you, Nicole.
[DOROTHY.]
Aw.
I know that this is hard.
But we want you to know that everything's going to be okay.
If you could just look through this file [CRICKETS CHIRPING.]
[MELLOW INSTRUMENTALS.]
I told you there wasn't room in this neighborhood for two Italian restaurants.
But I was wrong.
Turns out we just needed two of my Italian restaurants.
[ED LAUGHS.]
Go Thompsons.
We are killing it.
Yep.
There's no stopping you now.
[MELLOW INSTRUMENTALS CONTINUE.]