Our Flag Means Death (2022) s02e05 Episode Script

1
STEDE BONNET: Alright, settle in.
Edward, AKA Blackbeard,
has a few thoughts
he'd like to share with us today.
Before he begins,
I will, uh, remind everyone
it takes guts to own up
to one's actions.
So, let's, let's hear him out.
(EXHALES) Wow. Okay. (CHUCKLES)
Didn't think I'd be
standing before you again.
Certainly not under these circumstances.
I just wanted to start
off by saying a big,
(DEEP BREATH) massive,
heartfelt thank you
for allowing me back
into this community.
- (LUCIUS SIGHS)
- I will abide by the guidelines
for staying aboard "The Revenge,"
including wearing this, um,
(CLEARS THROAT) super tight
cat collar with a bell on it,
so I can't sneak up on people.
No sneaking. He's gonna wear the bell.
Perhaps some of my actions,
maybe all of my actions,
perhaps me, myself, m-m-maybe
I've made some of you feel
- somewhat
- Murdered? Shot?
- Tortured? Anxious? On edge?
- Okay. Hey, hey. (SHUSHES)
- Come on. Calm down.
- ARCHIE: Preach! All of that shit.
And whatever whatever
that nasty, dark stuff was
th-that, that, that brought
us here, it's in the past.
- (STEDE CLEARS THROAT)
- (EXHALES) Which is all I want to say,
at the end of the day, is we're
trying to move the culture forward.
- STEDE: Yeah.
- And I want you all to see this.
This here is a ship
and it's a space ship.
- (WHISPERS) Safe space.
- It's a safe space ship.
Wow. There it is.
Yeah.
Good landing.
STEDE: Deep. Very, uh,
intense and very brave,
I think you'll find. Any questions?
- Yeah.
- Roach.
ROACH: Did Buttons
really turn into a bird
or did you kill him?
He actually turned into a bird.
Ah. Okay. Okay, cool.
Still sticking to that one, huh?
Okay! Good.
We'll just leave it at one
question, I think, for now.
(DRAMATIC THEME MUSIC PLAYS)
JIM: (HIGH-PITCHED VOICE)
Oh, no! No! Come on! Help me!
- (PIRATES LAUGHING)
- ARCHIE: (HIGH-PITCHED VOICE) Help! Help!
They're torturing (BLUBBERS)
- (LAUGHTER)
- (BLUBBERING)
OLUWANDE: Please, I have a family!
(LAUGHTER)
(MOCKINGLY) Ha-ha-ha!
So we're laughing.
Blackbeard's back and
we're all just back to it.
ARCHIE: Hey, bro,
that's what happens, ya know?
They just get away
with it and we move on.
FRENCHIE: Yeah, at least
he's wearin' the sack.
A-And the bell. That was my idea.
And he apologized.
I actually thought it
was pretty solid for him.
And yet, the words "I'm sorry"
were never mentioned.
Did anyone else clock that?
I've never heard an apology before,
so, to me, it was amazing.
Ah.
The bar is on the floor.
And you?
Are you happy with this?
With what?
Pirating?
Well this is a pirate ship
and I'm a pirate, so, yeah
I'm good with it.
You still mad he pushed
you off the ship, twatty?
(SPITS)
- (BELL RINGING)
- How long do I have to wear
this fucking bell for?
Until the probation ends.
When's that? What, like, a day?
When the crew are
comfortable with you again.
And you're not doing insane things,
like shooting people's legs off.
So, it's, like, probably
more than a day for that.
I know it must be odd.
I'm sure you didn't
apologize for anything
- when you were Captain.
- Oh, fuck no.
Apologizing? Nah, didn't
apologize for jack shit.
Then, I'm different and I'm not the
Captain anymore, am I? You are.
Yes, that's true.
But I haven't really felt it
since we got back on the ship.
Well then, say it.
You gotta own it. Say it.
- What? "I'm your Captain"?
- Give it more than that.
You are the Captain. Now, own it.
Come on, say it properly. Go.
I'm your Captain!
(CLEARS THROAT)
Wait, I can do it better.
I'm your Captain
and I demand respect!
Oh, boy.
- Please?
- Be the Captain.
What would you have me do, Captain,
to restore my reputation?
Go.
Right. Why don't you You can
(INHALES) We
Fit in more.
Got it, fit in more. Yes. Okay.
Yes, and be helpful.
- Oh!
- There's a lotta things that need doing.
- Good goal. Okay. Sure.
- So you could fix something
and stop pissing people off!
Right away, sir.
That was better.
Just need to work on your mean voice.
I will.
I'm Captain!
That's my chair!
That's the Captain's chair!
- FRENCHIE: Oy, shut up!
- Sorry!
BLACKBEARD: Hello, Mr. Latch.
It's not your fault you're broken No.
You didn't break you. (BLOWS)
Just trying to do your job,
weren't ya? (GRUNTS)
- (DOOR CREAKS)
- Alright.
Ooh. Ooh, yes. Ooh. (LAUGHS)
Very good. Oh. Oh, hey, friend.
(YELLING) Oh! Fuck you!
Um
I just fixed the door
latch. Do you see that?
Don't fucking look at me.
Mm.
Yeah, I can tell you've
got issues with me.
Issues?
- What? Aah!
- (LOUD SPLASH)
You're a degenerate.
- Hm.
- You're sick. You're an actual psycho.
Right, yeah.
Uh, (INHALES) maybe
we could get through this
a lot faster if you just
let it all out in one go.
(SCOFFS)
There is nothing you
can do that would fix this.
I will let you push me off the ship.
Actually, that could be huge.
Yeah.
Lead the way.
(LIGHT MUSIC PLAYING)
- (HEAVY BREATHING)
- (GRUNTING)
Oh, so this is where
all my candles went.
And you've used the good ones.
Yep
I'm having to relearn
the basics with one leg.
(SWORD SLICING)
The basics? Huh.
I think my basics might be a
bit more basic than your basics.
Actually, it recently
occurred to me that
That you know nothing?
That you're a shitty Captain, yeah?
I don't know about that.
But Blackbeard did say
he credited you
with a lot of his skills.
Yeah, well, Blackbeard
says a lot of things.
But what did he say
about me s-specifically?
Well, specifically, he said
you taught him everything he knows.
- Made him the Captain he is today.
- Ah.
Perhaps I could learn at
the feet of one of the greats.
- (LEG THUDS)
- IZZY HANDS: Foot.
Oh, yes, foot. (CHUCKLES) Sorry.
(SWORD SLICES, CLANGS)
Ya know, maybe I could
teach even you a thing or two.
Punch me.
- Come on, punch me.
- Yep. Okay.
What hand do you want?
(STEDE GROANS)
- Oh, that hurt.
- IZZY: Rope swinging.
Looks easy, but everyone fucks it up.
- Fuck off.
- (STEDE YELLS)
- Put your shoulders into it!
- (STEDE GRUNTS)
(WAILS) Burning!
- Burn, burn, burn, burn!
- Gloves were a bit shit,
weren't they?
It's burning through the
gloves! Ah! (EXHALES)
IZZY: You're in the field.
Three men run at you
from there, there, and there.
Fire!
- Ooh, hit something.
- (CLANGS)
- Ah!
- (MAINSAIL FALLING)
- ROACH: No, no, no!
- STEDE: Oh, God.
Ow, come on!
Okay, so, you say,
"We're having a talent show."
It, mm, doesn't sound like me.
- Why would I say that?
- 'Cause we were having a talent show.
We were? Why were we having a talent
Shut up! Okay? Shut up and say the line.
(WIND BLOWING)
What was it again? (GRUNTS, YELPS)
- (LOUD SPLASH)
- Ah!
Fuckin' eat my shit, Blackbeard!
How does that feel, bitch?!
BLACKBEARD: Cold!
How do you feel?
Yeah. No, I feel I feel better.
BLACKBEARD: Lucius!
- I said, "Are you feeling better?"
- (SOFTLY) I feel better.
- I feel better.
- BLACKBEARD: Do you have closure?
Lucius
why aren't you answering me?
Do you feel better?
- Hey.
- Oh, hey, Fang.
- Whatcha doin'?
- Oh, not much.
Hangin' out on this ladder.
Part of my probation.
How's that going?
Pretty good, I think.
Hey! You wanna come with me?
- Yeah, may as well.
- I'm gonna catch some fishes.
- I'll jump from here.
- Yup.
Cannonball!
- (LOUD SPLASH)
- (FANG LAUGHS)
I think you're amazing fascinating.
- Go on.
- I've never met anyone with such
a total lack of skills.
- Oh.
- How you are still alive, I cannot say.
I do ask myself that question every day.
No, I mean, I've met
greater men than you.
You know, better fighters,
better shooters, better, uh
Well, just better.
- Alright.
- But they were all killed.
And yet, here you stand.
I think being out
in the field is my thing.
It's like I blackout
and my body just takes over.
I beat you in a duel.
- On a fucking technicality!
- Uh, might've been.
I have no memory of it.
Regardless, I think it's
time to test my killer skills.
- (TENSE MUSIC PLAYING)
- Looks like we've got company.
(CREW YELLING)
♪
Oh No. Ugh!
- What happened here?
- Congrats, Bonnet.
You've picked the only
ship where everyone's dead.
- (CLATTERING)
- We've got a live one.
Uh, what are all these weird lines?
BLACK PETE: They must
be really into geometry.
- (PRIEST GROANING, SPITTING)
- Oh.
Um do you want a glass of water?
(STRUGGLING)
Estamos viajando al Vaticano
buscando un exorcismo.
He's saying this place is cursed.
Este barco no debe saquearse
JIM: If we stay, we'll be cursed.
Everything over there is cursed.
- (PRIEST CONTINUES)
- Everything over there is also cursed,
and if we touch anything, we'll be
- (PRIEST WHEEZES)
- Be what?
(CHOKES)
Okay, I'm out.
(SIGHS)
(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING)
(EERIE VOICES WHISPERING)
Well hello there.
I mean, it's an absolute gem.
Bonnet, we've gotta go.
This place reeks of
dead priests.
Sure, but watch the flow.
- (SAILOR YELLS)
- What? (YELPS)
(SAILOR GRUNTS)
Izzy, did you see that? I did a punch!
- (CREW LAUGHING)
- (CHEERY MUSIC PLAYING)
- Here's to the perfect raid.
- CREW: Ay!
- Hey. Love the suit.
- Oh, that shit is decadent.
- Very Captain-y.
- Right? I know!
- It's cursed.
- (SCOFFS)
What? No, it isn't.
The priest literally said
that right before he died.
Keeping that suit is playing
las maracas with the Devil.
- (SPITS)
- STEDE: Jim,
I'm sorry there was
only one velvety suit.
You're most welcome to borrow it.
Or, well look at it. (CHUCKLES)
So, I just turned around. I had this
You know you're gonna
have to burn that, right?
What? Why?
- Crew thinks it's cursed.
- (SCOFFS)
Izzy you don't believe
in curses, do you?
Me? No, of course not. But the crew do.
I've seen an entire command
gouge their eyes out on account of one.
Sounds to me like syphilis.
A curse is a curse.
(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING)
And once it takes hold
well
(MUSIC STOPS)
well, then it takes hold.
How does this look?
Kinda sultry, yet casual?
Yeah, I love that.
Love sultry, love caszh.
Let's do that.
Or do we do something more formal?
You draw me as like a steely lord.
Yeah, let's do that.
Babe?
Uh! Oh, yeah. No, I'm kind of
I'm sort of splitting the
difference between the two,
and it's, it's nice.
You're not even looking at me.
- You're looking through me.
- (SCOFFS)
What the hell is this?
Well, it's not what it looks like.
It looks like my body
with Blackbeard's face?
Okay. Well, it is
what it looks like then.
You said you got all
this outta your system
when you pushed him off the ship.
Oh, my God!
A flower?
- With Blackbeard's face on it?
- Well (SIGHS)
And a a doggie with
Blackbeard's face on it?
You have no fucking idea
what I've been through.
What you've been through?
Dude! Blackbeard did this to both of us.
For weeks, I thought you were dead.
I cried every night.
I'd wake up in the morning
thinking I heard your voice.
Okay, yeah. Well, obviously,
I've underestimated some stuff.
I don't fuckin' know.
Yeah, I guess you did.
Come find me when
Blackbeard isn't living
rent-free in your head.
And another thing!
You talk all the time
about how, how you almost died.
But I never hear anything
about the fact that you lived.
(PENSIVE MUSIC PLAYING)
(JIM CHANTING)
(SIGHS) Alright, as long as no one breaks
the salt line, we should be safe.
- Ah, guys.
- (YELLING, HISSING)
- Oh, come on!
- Out! Out!
- Come on!
- Ridiculous.
- Shut the door!
- Shut the door!
- Cierra la puerta! (GROANS)
- Come on! We're doing a
- Oh, no. Stop it.
- Mm-hmm.
- That is unreal.
- Right?
Sweet, salty, sour, crunchy. Hm?
I'm going to call it "peanut paste."
Ah, gents, thanks
for your support earlier.
It's just really comforting to know
that there are men of science aboard
who can disregard such
idiotic superstition ideas.
- Oh, yeah. Hate, hate all that nonsense.
- Of course. Men of science.
Oh, by the way, Roach,
don't forget to leave
the leftovers out
for the fairies, though.
Alright. They did help the bread rise.
They do deserve their fair cut,
- right, Captain?
- You're absolutely right.
- FRENCHIE: Yeah.
- Always thank the fairies.
- FRENCHIE: Thank you, fairies.
- Ah, yes. That's yeast.
I think you're Doesn't matter.
Good.
Oh. You feel that
scratching on your brain?
- Huh?
- Scratchin' on
(TENSE MUSIC PLAYING)
That's no good.
- (PANICKED) Am I okay?
- Okay
Captain's cursed. (SPITS)
BLACKBEARD: Hey, um, Fang?
- Mm-hmm?
- Can I ask you something?
Yep.
- You think I'm a dick?
- Of course, you're a dick.
(LAUGHS)
Is that not what you're going for?
- No, I'm assertive.
- Yeah, right. That's a dick.
Come on, man. No, we
You and me, we had
some good times, didn't we?
- Yeah.
- A lotta laughs.
Remember all the games we used to play?
Knife Parade. Ay, remember that?
With the procession of knives.
And I remember me running down a hall.
(YELLS) "Come here, you little fucker!"
With the knife like that.
And you're like
(GIGGLES), you're laughing.
You were like, (LAUGHS) "No!"
- Running away from me.
- No, I-I-I wasn't giggling.
- (LAUGHING) Yeah, you were.
- No I was screaming.
(CHUCKLES) What?
I was screaming 'cause I
was scared. I was terrified.
I didn't like that game.
- You were scared?
- Hell yeah.
Oh, fuck, Fang. I didn't
know that, man. I'm sorry.
- It's alright.
- Fuck, how come you're not mad at me?
I kinda got it out of my system
when we beat you to death.
(FANG YELLS)
I did unthinkable things to your body.
Savaged it with punches, kicks, slams.
- Lots of crotch stuff and
- Okay. Yep, okay.
- That's enough.
- And you were like a rag doll
in these hands as I lifted you up
and then I'd smack you again
Fang, that's quite
enough. Okay, thank you.
- Thank you. That's enough.
- and again, and again, and again.
So, you and I, we're we're sweet.
(LIGHT MUSIC PLAYING)
Still mopin'?
♪
Flippin' the tables on Blackbeard
didn't quite numb the pain?
No.
Maybe we try what he did to you next.
What who did to me?
Blackbeard.
'Cause he chopped off your leg.
Don't know what you're talkin' about.
A shark did this.
Dangling my legs
over the side of the ship.
Served me right, too.
Okay, that seems healthy. (CHUCKLES)
Using a bit of fiction to help
cover up your trauma.
Yeah well
(BLOWS)
Not movin' on is worse.
Twatty.
(PENSIVE MUSIC PLAYING)
I actually love this.
- (INDISTINCT CHATTER)
- What's all this?
(CREW GASPS)
A reckoning.
The moment you left,
Frenchie got hideous sores
all over his beautiful body!
Yeah, my eyes itch
and I wanna rip 'em out
and scratch the backs
of 'em, but I can't.
They're red like your suit!
He's clearly had an allergic reaction.
Frenchie, have you had peanuts before?
Oh, he's lying. He's blamin' the bean.
Olu, it's a legume. They can kill you.
Don't listen to the Devil Suit.
- It wishes to deceive us.
- ARCHIE: Mm-hmm.
Look. Wait. Come on.
Let's resolve this like adults,
who have a respect
for fine tailoring.
- Attack! Give us the suit!
- (CREW YELLING)
Give us the suit!
Just let it go, man!
(INTENSE MUSIC PLAYING)
(WHIMPERS)
Oh! They ripped my pocket.
Those fuckin' barbarians.
A curse is a curse,
and once it takes hold
Oh, fuck off!
♪
Rude.
Yeah, maybe I did too much.
- FANG: Mm.
- I took a man's leg, terrorized you.
I wasn't a good guy.
I'd like to make amends, but I just
Honestly, I wouldn't
even know where to start,
what to say to make things
better, how to even say it.
Ya know, there are
certain things I know
- I should be saying, but
- If, if I could
- where do I even be
- just make an observation.
You
you Do you think you
talk so much because
you don't wanna know
how to sit with yourself?
Ya know, I-I bet you're
You can't stay quiet long enough
to, to catch a fish.
Ya know, uh, just
- a bit, a bit
- Yes, like A bit? Oh, you want a bit?
- Yeah.
- Another game. Another one of our games.
- Okay. Bring it on.
- Shh.
Time for me to be quiet.
Watch this? I can be
quiet and catch a fish.
(WHISPERING) You
don't have to do that, Fang.
Shh.
I know what that means.
- I just want to
- Shh!
Yeah, but no. I'm
just saying that I just
(SOFT WHISTLE)
(SOFTLY) I'm being quiet.
(KISSES)
Everybody come out! The suit has gone.
Come on. Out you come.
Here we go.
It's locked away safely
where it can't harm anyone.
Clearly, I have been blind
to how this perceived curse
has affected you all.
If you believe the curse is real,
even if only through
the power of suggestion,
then there is validity
to your experiences.
So, you're saying the curse is real?
I'm saying the curse is real to you.
But your point is, it's real.
Uh
yes.
- Yes, it is real.
- (CREW EXCLAIMS)
- It is real. Okay?
- BLACK PETE: I knew it! I knew it.
So (SIGHS)
how do we destroy the suit?
Or have we moved on from that?
(ALL DISAGREEING)
I reckon, you get a
fuckin' bunch of knives,
stab the shit out of it
and just see what happens.
Oh, imagine if it bleeds.
Let's get some ideas going.
What else is there?
When we found that priest,
he said not to take anything
before Stede defied him,
actively inviting the
Devil into all of our lives.
Ooh, that's it then.
We, we could just
We could just fob the suit
off to some other dummy.
- ROACH: Oh, yes!
- Uh, d-does that make us horrible people?
- Or does that make us smarter people?
- I think the latter.
- I think what you said.
- (ALL AGREEING)
Okay. Yeah. We've got some ideas.
(LAUGHTER)
That was some swanky
swordplay there, Izzy.
That's what I do.
And, Olu, that bit where
we fought back-to-back.
I know. It was wicked, innit?
How 'bout Archie
swingin' in on that rope, though?
Oh, yeah. I've wrestled pythons.
I used to be in a snake cult, so.
- Sure.
- (ARCHIE WHISTLES)
(YELLS)
(STERNLY) That is a warning.
Do not try this Captain again.
(TENSE MUSIC PLAYS)
What do you want from us?
Oh, what do we want?
- Black Pete
- (BLACK PETE CLEARS THROAT)
What do you think of this?
Go on, touch it.
Get a good hand feel on that fabric.
- Seems nice?
- Mm.
Wait, is it cursed?
- JIM: That's crazy!
- What?!
- What the
- No!
Who would think that?
There ya go. (CHUCKLES)
Good luck! No backsies.
- (LAUGHTER)
- ROACH: Hope you have garlic!
(OMINOUS VOICES WHISPERING)
BLACK PETE: Where are we going?
You're not gonna throw me
off the ship, are you?
(LUCIUS LAUGHS MOCKINGLY)
Oh, my God, it's me.
I suppose I just wanted
you to know that I see you.
It's beautiful.
And you're right. I need to
celebrate the fact that I lived.
And to that end. (CLEARS THROAT)
(LIGHT MUSIC PLAYING)
- What are you doing?
- Um
I wanna spend the rest
of my life with, with you.
- Oh, my God!
- Is it weird?
- I'm being so fucking weird. I'm sorry.
- Yes!
Yes to me being weird
or yes to the other thing?
Th-The other thing!
Yes, I wanna spend the rest
of my life with you!
(LUCIUS CHUCKLES)
♪
- Ah, I'll kill you.
- (LUCIUS LAUGHS)
And so, I started pulling this thing in,
winding it and reeling.
Man against beast. I'm the man
and the beast was beneath the sea.
- Yeah.
- So I pulled, and in the end
I triumphed.
- (STEDE GASPS)
- Behold.
- Oh, Ed, that's beautiful.
- Yeah.
What are your plans for it?
I'll probably just eat it.
Good plan. I like that.
- I like that shirt.
- Oh. This new thing? (CHUCKLES)
I had a whole suit, but it was cursed.
Long story, but I kept the shirt.
That wasn't a long story at all.
Well, I
Well you wear fine things well.
♪
Can we take it slow?
Yeah. Sorry, I
didn't I was thinking
No, it's alright. I just need
to, um (CLEARS THROAT)
- No, I know.
- (BLACKBEARD SIGHS)
We're whim-prone, as you said.
And
sometimes, it's nice just
to be patient and wait.
You can't catch a fish
unless the fish wants to be caught.
And you're the fish?
We're the fish, I guess.
Maybe I think?
(CHUCKLES) Okay.
What about this? Is this alright?
This?
Perfect.
("BABY" BY DONNIE
AND JOE EMERSON PLAYING)
(SOFTLY) You won.
Hey! Guess what I also found out today.
Fang's real name is
Kevin after his dad.
- STEDE: Really?
- BLACKBEARD: Kevin Senior.
- (STEDE CHUCKLES)
- So he's Kevin Junior.
And his dad is named
after another Kevin.
It actually goes back 400 years.
Been with that man for 20 years.
- Never thought to ask.
- STEDE: Why do they call him Fang?
BLACKBEARD: Shit! Ya know, I
should've asked him that, too.
Yes, oh, baby ♪
Yes, oh, baby ♪
Sandy beach
and was makin' love ♪
As a tide moves in on us ♪
Feels so good
walkin' side by side ♪
Wanna be with you all my life ♪
Ooh, ooh, baby ♪
Yes, oh, baby ♪
Yes, oh, baby ♪
Yes, oh, baby ♪
Yes, oh, baby ♪
Yes, oh, baby ♪
Yes, oh, baby ♪
Yes, oh, baby ♪
(SNORING, GROANS)
(BLACKBEARD HUMMING)
BLACKBEARD: Here I am, being quiet.
Stop humming, be quiet.
I'm being quiet.
Look at you being so quiet.
Yes, I am being so quiet.
(TUG ON LINE)
(INTENSE MUSIC PLAYING)
(GASPS) It's happening.
Oh, it's all go.
(SHARP EXHALE)
Oh-hoo-hoo-hoo!
Fishing is happening right now!
♪
(LAUGHS)
(WHISPERING) Fang! Fang! Fang!