Randy Cunningham: 9th Grade Ninja (2012) s02e05 Episode Script

1 Go ninja! [title music.]
I was chosen to protect my school from the forces of evil.
I am the ninja.
I am Randy Cunningham.
Smoke bomb! [rock music plays.]
[Randy grunts.]
[music.]
[panting.]
[yells.]
[bell rings.]
Ah.
Just made it.
- That was rough.
- Ninja fight? - Bathroom.
- All right, class, we've reached the point in the school year where you must learn to take care of a baby.
Hmm? This is a Bologna.
Turns out real babies miss their real parents.
So you will be raising lunch meat.
Mrs.
Driscoll's finally lost it.
All those times we thought she lost it, she still had it.
Aw, let's name him Sylvester Bolone.
- We can call him Sly for short.
- What? At the end of the day your Bologna has a checkup with our resident meatiatrician, Dr.
Fleischwurst.
[with German accent.]
If the baby is in good condition, you get one hundred, otherwise, nein! No way we're getting a nine! I got this.
[laughing.]
- Why are you laughing? - Because it's funny! That thing that thing you said, "I got this.
" - You never got this.
- I'm serious.
- A-ha! He's serious.
- I mean it! I was awesome at being a baby.
I got this! Let me show you.
Ah! You're gonna show me? That is so funny! [inhales.]
Are you holding your breath? Yes, until you let me "got this.
" [inhales.]
Howard.
Hmm.
[grunting.]
[grunts, exhales.]
Hmm? [gasps.]
Aw, class to class.
So wonk.
Sword class? So bruce! "Only when the student is willing to learn will the teacher appear.
" Exactly.
Howard has to be willing to learn before I can teach him anything.
Up high, nama-teach! [gasps.]
[yelling.]
[grunts.]
[Howard inhales.]
Were you holding your breath the whole time? Yep.
Inside this box are the greatest inventions of all time! A whole box of 'em.
Can you believe it? Marcy was gonna throw these out.
You wanna see the for real greatest invention of all time? I call it mood juice.
An energy source of unlimited power.
It just keeps clapping.
It's a miracle.
You can't explain it.
Ugh.
Mood juice powers any ninja destroying robot by feeding off hostility.
The more "grrr" it absorbs, the more "grrr" it becomes.
[clears throat.]
Look at it.
It's just sitting there.
It's not even clicking.
It's not even clacking.
What have you done?! You killed it! You killed the magic! [screams.]
Hmm? [yelling.]
He's buzzing to the school as we speak.
And thanks to mood juice, we will finally destroy the Ninja.
- Hmm? - Click one of them and they all started clacking.
This takes me back.
[buzzing.]
[ringing triangle.]
[humming.]
Ah.
That's too loose.
He's gonna chafe.
I always did.
- It's fine.
- It's gonna fall off.
Boom! Diaper on.
- Hmm? Mmm.
- Told you! Let me do it.
[grunting.]
Come on.
Harder than it looks, huh? [yells.]
I can only do it on me.
I'll diaper myself, then put it on Sly.
Hold still, little Howie gonna put a diaper on nowie [laughs.]
I can't look! [all screaming.]
[buzzing.]
[plays note.]
[screaming.]
Fly bot? Swat's up with that? Nailed it.
Come on, Sly! It's take your Bologna to work day! So snug it won't droop and now you get to poop Poop Now that's how you put on a diaper! Now gimme Sly and I'll do it right.
Hmm? [gasps.]
You took him! [tires squeal.]
[all screaming.]
- Mood juice.
Up close and in action.
- It's incredible! Just when you think it's gonna stop rolling Ha! Science.
They really should teach this in school.
[sighs.]
[grunting.]
Shoe, fly! Shoe! [screams.]
But I said shoe! My car! [screams.]
Smoke bomb! [grunts.]
Huh? With each attack, Ninja's anger and frustration will make fly bot grow bigger and bigger until finally, it will be so big He's not swatting.
Why isn't he swatting? [giggles.]
They just don't bother me.
I don't know what it is.
Flies are the one thing that don't bother me.
Hmm? [chuckles.]
OK.
OK, now it's starting to tickle.
Ninja sai fly stab! [shrieks.]
Whoa! Got a little purple on you.
The one thing you send in the one thing that doesn't bother him! You've let me down again, you Oooh! Marble maze.
I'm really good at these.
- Gah! Gah! Gah! - Home, please.
Don't move.
We're not going anywhere till I Gah! Gah! Gah! [gasps, laughs.]
You left.
I got this and you left.
[laughing.]
You're wearing a diaper! To prove to you I'm mature enough to take care of our Bologna baby! - You're wearing a diaper! - Stop laughing! [laughing.]
How can I take him seriously when he's wearing a diaper? Right? [laughs.]
[with German accent.]
Good weight und the casing is pristine.
One hundred for you.
Are you really mad? I thought it was a goof.
I thought you were wonking me off.
It wasn't.
I was wonking serious - and you were wonking me off.
- Hmm? Uh, Howard.
- Uh, did Sly always have a mouth? - How would I know? I wasn't allowed to "got this.
" Remember? Hmm.
Ohh.
This looks very bad.
We must take its temperature.
[shrieks.]
[chuckles.]
Is this normal behavior for a Bologna at his age? Shoulda let me "got this.
" Ohh.
This one is acting like a real brat wurst.
[yells.]
Almost.
Almost.
Ahh! Missed it.
Whoa! How long we been sitting here? You are in big trouble, mister.
[all gasp.]
[roaring.]
[gasps.]
Why's that salami so mad? - I think it's a Bologna.
- Why's that Bologna so mad? I'm thinking mood juice.
[loud stomping.]
[roars.]
[screams.]
Hmm? [whines.]
[roars.]
[screaming.]
Put me down! Naughty! Naughty meat baby! [screams.]
Smoke bomb! OK, Sly, time to trim the fat.
[grunting.]
Ninja stab! Ninja stab! Ninja why are you growing? [grunting.]
[roars.]
[screams.]
[yells, roars.]
[screams.]
Why's it so hard? Every time I smack this Bologna it gets bigger.
[screams.]
[roars.]
I knew we shoulda stuck with real babies! They never turn into rampaging monsters when they get upset! He's upset.
Is that what's doing it? Put me down! [screams.]
Mrs.
Driscoll, I think your screaming is making him grow.
What am I supposed to do about that? What are you? Stop screaming! [roars.]
[screams.]
OK.
That one's on me.
Ohh! [grunting.]
[roars.]
[roars.]
[grunts.]
Hey! That almost hit me! [roars.]
Easy.
I'm not yelling at you.
Nobody's yelling.
[roars.]
[grunts.]
Whoa! How do you fight something that only gets more dangerous when you fight it? Where's the Nomicon lesson for that? "Only when the student is willing to learn will the teacher appear.
" OK.
I'm ready, Nomicon.
I'm ready to learn.
Show me the teacher! [grunts.]
Uh.
Howard?! You're the teacher? - Uh, what? - Nomicon said when I was ready to learn then the teacher would appear.
- I'm ready.
Teach me! - [laughs.]
Oh.
So you're saying you need me - to "got this.
" - Yes.
I need you to "got this.
" When you were a baby and you got upset, what calmed you down? During my bad tantrums, when I really spun out, Mother used to sing to me.
I am not singing to a Bologna.
[grunts.]
Hey, who's the teacher here? Me or you?! [roars.]
Uh Go to sleep Giant meat I feel like a schoob.
[roars.]
[grunting.]
I mean, I'm sorry I don't know words Doesn't matter, that's what I heard Follow my lead.
[both.]
# It's sleepy time, close your # - # eyes # - # mouth # Rest your head and stop your - # senseless # - # cries # But before you go to sleep Set me down gently on the [yells.]
Ow! [baby cooing.]
- Huh? Uh.
- Singing?! What kind of monster calms down when it gets distracted? - Here's the thing - Oooh.
Almost in the cup.
Almost in the cup.
Almost in the cup.
[tires screech.]
[baby cooing.]
Huh? Whoa.
Nasty! Yikes! Ninja fireball! Smo-o-o-o-oke bomb I shoulda let you "got this.
" If I did, none of this woulda happened.
- Why aren't you saying, "I told you so"? - 'Cause you just did.
Oh, Jerry, you're leg's broken.
[in deeper voice.]
You're telling me something I don't know.
I'm sorry I didn't take you seriously, but in my defense, you're never serious.
- About anything.
- Can't argue with you there.
Another Sylvester sandwich? - Hmm? - Don't mind if I do.
Ha.
They sure grow up delicious, don't they? [both laugh.]
Hooo.
[grunts.]
A-ha! [growls.]
Eat Ninja air fist! [belches.]
Oh, I didn't mean actually eat it.
Ha.
You can't stop honey badger bot, he don't care.
Why are they so far away? [sighs.]
[roars.]
[gasps.]
Ooh.
[grunting.]
Easy, fella.
I'm only gonna destroy you.
- Ninja! Hey, hey! - Hello, young band geek.
Fear not, for I have this under control.
Ha! I know you do.
Which is why this is the perfect time to debut the song I wrote for you.
[plays note.]
# Come on, Ninja fans, it's time for a song # You know the words so ninj-along Wow.
That's That's really bad.
He's so bruce he does no wrong Come on, everybody.
let's ninj-along Ew.
I can feel my bones cringing.
[roars.]
[yells.]
Ninj, ninj, ninj-along Time to make that dinger go dong For the love of Ninja, not the dinger! Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo! [roars.]
[grunts.]
Ha! [roars.]
Ninja boom ball! [roars.]
[yells.]
Ninj, ninj, ninj-along It's not a zing, it's just a zong [groaning.]
So, what do you think? - You like it? - Uh, I wouldn't say I like it.
- Would you say you love it? - Uh, can we go back to like it? He likes it! If you didn't like it, I woulda put my dinger away and never played my song again.
But you like it [in slo-mo.]
right? Ummm, yeah, sure.
That's an option.
[laughs.]
[gasps.]
It was the worst song I've ever heard.
- Then why'd you say you liked it? - I didn't wanna hurt his feelings.
That is not how the Ninja rolls.
Please.
This is not about you being the Ninja.
It's about you being Agreeable Alan.
- What's Agreeable Alan? - The cartoon! About the turtle who's afraid to hurt people's feelings so he's always miserable.
[bubbly music playing.]
[laughs.]
- Do you like this song? - Well, I wouldn't say I like it.
Then you love it, right? [laughs.]
[groans.]
[laughs.]
[music continues.]
I can't believe it.
I am living an episode of Agreeable Alan.
There's no such thing as Agreeable Alan.
I made it up to prove that you're being an Agreeable Alan.
Ninja said he loved it.
He wouldn't say that if he didn't mean it.
Tell Bucky the truth, Cunningham, or this thing's gonna get outta hand.
[humming.]
[echoing.]
Agreeable Alan.
Agreeable Alan.
- Agreeable Alan.
- This is not gonna get out of hand.
[alert sounds.]
Probably just wants to congratulate me for being a nice ninja to Bucky.
[panting, grunts.]
[shouts, grunts.]
Huh? [yells.]
[grunting.]
"The Ninja who avoids a battle ends up fighting a war.
" But it's not a battle, it's a song.
A really awful song.
How can that lead to a war? [gasps.]
Uh [distant screaming.]
[grunting.]
Hmm.
[slurps.]
[yells.]
- Yah! - Way to slug it out, Ninja! Gastropub robot battle zing! [plays note.]
- Oh no.
- Two, three, four.
Come on, Ninja fans, it's time for a song You know the words so ninj-along Ugh.
- Hmm? - He actually made the song worse.
It's totally wonking up my ninja-ing [yells.]
[groans.]
He's so bruce he does no wrong Come on, everybody, let's ninj-along It appears that song's throwing the Ninja off his game.
[chuckles.]
This is perfect! It is perfect, isn't it? So simple yet so catchy.
- Are you even listening to me?! - I am not.
Ninj, ninj, ninj, ninj-along [screeching.]
[groans.]
Just tell him you don't like it! I can't tell him in front of everybody, it'll hurt his feelings even more.
Who cares?! I hurt people's feelings all the time.
Ninj, ninj, ninj-along It's not a zing, it's just a zong Ninj! [cheering.]
Oh, thank cheese.
It's over.
Second verse! Same as the first! [groans.]
Ninj, ninj, ninj, ninj-along Second verse, worse than first! Must stop it! Ninj, ninj, ninj Come on, everybody! Ninj, ninj, ninj, ninj-along [gasps.]
Oh, that is weak, Ninja.
[whimpers.]
Ninj, ninj, ninj-along My song's giving some good buzz.
[laughs.]
This is so Agreeable Alan.
[groans.]
[grunting.]
It's just a song, block it out.
[crashing.]
[grunting.]
[gasps.]
Ninja dash of salt! Isn't this the part where you yell at me for making another stupid robot? Grr.
What robot? Was there a robot? [sighs.]
[chuckles.]
# Ninj! # So, Ninja, like what I did with the song? Even better, right? - Tell him! - Umm.
.
I don't like it.
[whimpers.]
I love it! - Oh! You love it? - That appears to be what I said! - He loves it! [laughs.]
- [groans.]
Smoke bomb.
Oh, man.
I can't believe it.
Even Agreeable Alan woulda said something by now.
Why couldn't he write a bruce song? Then I wouldn't have to say anything.
Turn it up, weinerpops.
DJ H-dubs here with an H-clusive from N-ville's newest music sensashe, Bucky "Ninj-along" Hensletter.
Come on, everybody.
let's ninj-along Ninj, ninj, ninj-along Time to make that dinger go dong Ninj, ninj, ninj, ninj-along Time to make that dinger go dong Ninj, ninj, ninj, ninj-along It's not a zing, it's just a zong Ninj! [inhales.]
That's it! I'm telling him! There it is, the triple H.
Heidi's Hit of the H-week.
You see? You see that right there? You can't argue with the triple H.
Sir, I may have figured out how to dovetail your seemingly unrelated love of that song into our ongoing efforts to destroy the Ninja! - Eh, destroy the what? - We're gonna hold a concert in the Ninja's honor and I promise it'll be a killer show.
[laughs.]
Ooh! I wanna sit here.
Right in the front.
Can you do that? Can you hook me up, V man? - Yes, I can do that.
- Oh yes! [excited grunt.]
[screams.]
[giggles.]
He'll be fine, just tell him the truth.
[phone beeps.]
[Howard.]
Cunnigham, you can't tell Bucky.
Why not? You've been telling me to tell him the whole time.
But something's changed! I'll explain later.
Just wait until the song's over before you tell him, OK? You asked to sing with Bucky, didn't you?! And he said yes! [laughs.]
But don't worry, this is just a side project, I'm not breaking up our band.
Unless, you know, this thing takes off.
[dinging.]
Come on, crew! Let's zing our hearts out! I'm in the crew, so [cheering.]
Uh, I don't think we're supposed to wear the concert Tee's at the concert.
When else would you wear them? Need to let the squares know we're hip.
[Bucky.]
Norrisville, are you ready? [cheering.]
Come on, Ninja fans, it's time for a song You know the words so ninj-along [techno music plays.]
He's so bruce he does no wrong Come on, everybody, let's ninj-along - Psst.
Bucky.
- Ninja? Can I talk to you for a sec? - Ahh! - Look, everyone! Ninja's here to ninj-along with us.
[cheering.]
Oh no.
No, no, no.
I just need to a little chat with the Buckster here, OK, guys? - # He's so bruce he does no wrong # - No.
I couldn't I really - I really don't - # Come on, everybody.
let's ninj-along # - Seriously, I don't wanna sing.
- # Ninj, ninj, ninj, ninj-along # Bucky, I don't wanna sing your stupid song! I hate the song! I hate it! I hate it! I hate it! Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo.
That is a load off.
[feedback.]
Seriously? In the middle of the song? [chuckles.]
OK, I admit, this is not the ideal time to have this conversation.
[whimpering.]
Booo! [all booing.]
[sobbing.]
Why? Why?! [snapping fingers.]
[sobbing continues.]
I tried not to hurt his feelings, that's why I didn't say anything.
[grunts.]
- Oh, snap! - Oh - Ninja ruined the song.
Destroy him! - That's my plan.
[gasps.]
[all gasp.]
[grunting.]
Amp bots? What the juice? [chuckles.]
McFist.
Ah, yes.
That's the juice.
[grunts.]
Uh-oh.
[grunting.]
Why is that so familiar? Ninj, ninj, ninj, ninj-along Wait a honking minute.
The attacks are synched with the song! So if I want to avoid the attacks Bucky! You have to sing your song.
Yeah, I don't think so, Ninja.
On account of you hating it and all.
It doesn't matter if I like it, I need it.
I have to fight to the beat.
Who wants to hear Bucky's song? [cheering.]
Well, since everybody's here.
Da da-da da! Come on, Ninja fans, it's time for a song You know the words so ninj-along Let's do this! [music playing.]
[grunting.]
Ninja ninj-along! Ninja boom ball! Ninja rings! [gasps.]
[grunting.]
Ha-ha! Mic drop! You don't say it, you just drop it.
[chuckling.]
Smoke bomb! - Well, that was a disaster.
- Ehh, I know, right? You put a remix on the remix and then all of the sudden it's bleh.
Nomicon was right, Howard.
I avoided a battle and had to fight a war against amps and a laser show.
You know, I don't think anyone saw that coming.
Well, at least you'll never have to hear that song again.
Oh, why? Is Bucky still upset? No! That song's tired.
Everybody's over it.
Really? I was just getting into it.
Pfft.
[chuckles.]
That is just like Bandwagon Bill.
Bandwagon No! That is not a thing.
[goofy voice.]
Whatever everybody else likes is what I like.
[laughs.]
- That is not a thing.
- What's your jam? - Oh, it's my jam too! - What, they all talk alike also? Stop it! I'm fighting this battle right now! [mocking.]
Right now! Show's over.
If that's OK with you.