Sabrina The Teenage Witch s02e05 Episode Script

[SLURPING LOUDLY.]
[SIGHS.]
[CONTINUES SLURPING.]
- Stop.
- What? Slurping.
You know I can't stand that noise.
Sorry.
I'm finished anyway.
Hey.
Don't throw that used milk out.
[SNIFFS.]
Oh.
Impertinent, yet lightly frosted.
[TYPING.]
Talk about annoying noises.
Clickity click, clickity click.
Fine.
I'll answer my e-mail later.
[FILING NAIL LOUDLY.]
- You're doing that on purpose.
- I chipped a nail.
Now I'm doing it on purpose.
Ho-ho.
Two can play at that game, sister.
[CAR ALARM WAILING.]
Why, you Care for a little squeaky balloon, my pretty? [SQUEAKING.]
[GROANING.]
This means war.
SALEM: Ooh-ho-ho-ho.
- Stop! Can we please have a little peace and quiet around here? She's right.
[SIPPING LOUDLY.]
SALEM: Let's get her.
I'm such a nut.
So you think you guys really need some time apart? Yes, after five centuries of living together, we're starting to get on each other's nerves.
We haven't bickered much since we picked opposite sides in the Civil War.
So why are you two going to the same spa? - They had a two-for-one special.
- But we have separate rooms.
We're not even gonna see each other.
You packed my toothbrush, right? [PHONE RINGING.]
Bueno.
Oh-- Hi.
It's Cousin Marigold.
She wants to talk to one of you.
No me.
You talk to her.
- No, you talk to her.
- Uhn! - Somebody talk to her.
- Fine.
Hello, Marigold.
Uh-huh.
Oh, darn.
We'd love to babysit Amanda, but we can't, we're going away.
Oh, God bless the spa.
Sabrina? No, no, no, that's a very bad idea.
Sabrina doesn't need $100.
- Hey! - Could you hold a minute? It's not worth it, honey.
I wouldn't take that brat for less than a grand.
I think I can handle a 9-year-old.
Sabrina, Amanda's a full witch.
You're half-mortal.
Just a minute.
I wanna do this.
Hi, Marigold? Yeah, I'll watch Amanda.
Great.
I can't wait.
Okay, thanks.
Amanda says we'll be having fun before I know it.
- Whoa.
- Oh, dear.
Amanda was able to do that all the way from the Other Realm.
Nuh-uh.
I-- I'm just practicing for a beauty pageant.
Ow.
- Okay, you have our number.
- Keep the doors locked.
SALEM: And don't forget to feed the cat.
I've got it.
[THUNDER CRASHES.]
Oh, well, Amanda's here.
Hello, I'm here to relinquish a minor to a Miss Sabrina Spellman.
- That's me.
Hi, Amanda.
- Hi.
- I hope she wasn't too much trouble.
- I'm retiring.
Thank you for flying Other Realm Air.
I saved my peanuts for us to have together.
Thanks.
See, we're sharing.
Well, okay, we're off to the spa.
[THUNDER CRASHES.]
- What do you have there? - My toy box.
- I never leave home without it.
- Oop! That's okay, it was just a bone.
Amanda, I have some crayons and colouring books.
Knock yourself out.
Whoa.
I wanna play with this.
Oh, no, Harvey gave me that.
Please, put that down.
- But I'm the guest.
- Amanda, I've asked you nicely.
- Give it to me.
- I wanna play with it! [BOX BREAKS.]
Okay, you can have it.
That's okay.
I'm sure Harvey's family has other priceless heirlooms.
- Kitty, you wanna play? - I don't do play.
But you're so small.
I like things big.
Salem? [GROWLING.]
Amanda, he's not declawed.
Turn him back.
Fine.
I wanted to eat you.
[SOBS.]
I feel so cheap.
MAN: Welcome to Celestial Bodies, where you can feel supernatural naturally.
Complimentary seaweed juice? Like there's any other kind.
It may be seaweed, but with our special blend, you'll swear it's soy milk.
- Tangy.
- Oh.
It's the seaweediest.
I'll have someone show you to your room.
- Sss-ah.
Roomsss-ah.
- Oh, I'm sorry.
We saw "Spellman for two" and assumed you were married.
But now you see that you were very, very wrong.
Lawsuit wrong.
It is near the ice machine.
Yes! [SINGSONG VOICE.]
I win! I win, I win, I win.
You've beaten me at all these games and yet you remain a graceful winner.
Let's put makeup on Salem.
I'm not playing La Cage aux Kitty.
We've been playing for hours.
I've got an idea.
- Let's play Being Apart.
- No.
I want you to play with me.
Why don't you watch TV? I said, play with me! [DOORBELL RINGS.]
Amanda, get out of the TV.
You're gonna ruin your eyes.
AMANDA [OVER TV.]
: But I wanna play! - Hey.
- Hey.
What's up? Not much.
Just yelling at something annoying on the TV.
- I was just invited to a party.
- At 7:00? Well, I wasn't exactly invited, but people saw me hear about it and didn't warn me to keep away.
You wanna come? Gee, I'd love to since they went to so much trouble not to ban us, but I can't.
I'm babysitting my little cousin.
Well, I can't go to a party alone.
Let me change that.
I can't go to another party alone.
- All right, someone new to play with.
- Oh, she's so cute.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
What's your blood type? Oh! Goody.
Minibar.
Martini? Don't waste your money on that.
There's a convenience mart right across the galaxy.
You have gotta get into the spa spirit.
I'll have a seltzer with lemon, please.
[KNOCK ON DOOR.]
- Macadamia nuts? - Now you're pushing it.
There's so much to choose from.
I think I'll have the solar bronzing treatment.
WOMAN: Solar bronzing treatment, confirmed.
- Oh.
I want one of those.
- Solar bronzing treatment, confirmed.
Quit copying.
The point was to spend quality time away from each other.
Solar bronzing treatment, cancelled.
Guess I'll just go with an essential honey dip.
"You are dipped into a human-size beehive.
You emerge soft and supple with just a little bit of a buzz.
" Cool.
I'm gonna do that.
Essential honey dip, confirmed.
Hilda, pick something else.
Okay.
Essential honey dip, cancelled.
I'll have the essential honey dip.
Am I confirmed? Okay.
I can see why you wanted two rooms.
[KNOCKS.]
Who ordered the honey dip? [IN UNISON.]
Me.
- Follow me, ladies.
- Ugh.
Why don't we just have someone sew us together? I hope you get a bee up your nose.
Beep.
Yes! [SINGSONG.]
I win, I win.
[SINGSONG.]
Of course, of course.
She always has the right cards.
It's like magic or something.
[DOORBELL RINGS.]
Just talk.
Nothing more, okay? I'm from the fourth galaxy of the Other Realm.
Where are you from? I'm from a big castle in never-never land.
You're delusional.
Harvey.
Hi.
Word's out that there's a party.
Wow, I actually got the word first? Looks like my popularity standing's on the rise.
I am delusional.
I wanna go to the party.
I wanna go to the party.
No way.
You can't leave this house.
I want to go to the party! She's kind of having a meltdown.
Maybe you guys should go.
Well, will you act like you're with me? Sure.
And call me Cookie? Is something burning? Let me know how the party is.
So, what do you wanna play now? A hundred dollars sounded like so much money.
Amanda, I have to clean up.
Don't you have a doll you can play with? Good idea.
We're gonna have so much fun.
SABRINA: You are in so much trouble, young lady.
Oh! Want a little more tea? I'll be right back with some more crumpets.
- This is so humiliating.
- You? I'm wearing pantaloons.
How did this happen? I'm the big witch.
Look the other way when you talk.
You're creeping me out.
Here we go.
Okay, Amanda, we've had fun.
Turn me back, I'll help you get ready for bed.
I'm not going to bed, you're going to bed.
And Salem and I are going to stay up and play.
[SOBS.]
SABRINA: You're not gonna get away with-- - Welcome to the box.
- Who are you? I was an ice-cream man.
Then I told Amanda we were out of chocolate.
You don't have a cigarette, do you? I'm Carol.
I used to be her hairdresser.
Now she's mine.
Felt-tip pen.
Ouch.
I'm Dr.
Rafkin.
I-- I used to be Amanda's dentist, but now, ahem, I'm a-- [YAWNING.]
An action figure.
- So, what are your powers? - I sleep about 18 hours a day.
So, what's your story? Well, I'm Sabrina, and I was Amanda's babysitter.
Sabrina, you're never getting out of here.
None of us are getting out of here.
- I think somebody needs a hug.
- Uh-- It's an accessory.
- Oh, that honey dip was great.
- Mm.
But my bee was such a talker.
She just droned on and on.
Mine was such a name-dropper.
"The queen this and the queen that.
" Hi, ladies.
Sorry about the room mix-up.
But this might cheer you up.
I just heard that Madame Eppie Dermis has had a cancellation.
The Madame Dermis? She's the most famous facialist in all the Realm.
I've heard she has to book her appointments 50 years in advance.
Her technique is so fabulous that your face feels as if it's actually been grafted with baby-butt skin.
- I want a baby-butt-skin face.
- No, I do.
Well, one of you should grab that once-in-a-lifetime appointment.
Dibs! Wait.
We can't do this.
If one of us takes that facial, the other will always resent it.
You're right.
- It's worth it.
- No.
Oh, fine.
Then we'll both be unhappy.
Yes, unhappy, but free from resentment.
Well, not right away.
Come on, you guys.
There's gotta be a way out of here.
There is a front door, we just never use it.
Where's my other shoe? You're a doll, you'll never have two shoes again.
I can figure this out.
I've just got to use my Rubber head? I've got an idea.
Amanda! Amanda! - The new ones are so optimistic.
- Could you not talk to me? What? I'm playing giddyap with Salem.
SALEM: Who is it? Please, someone feed me poison.
Amanda, I have to go to the bathroom.
You're not a Betsy Wetsy.
Was that fresh air? You're not a Betsy Wetsy, are you? And up and down, and up and down, and up and down, and up-- SALEM: I hate my life! You know, Sabrina, we've all been out of the box.
- Really? - The problem is, you're still only 10 inches tall and real easy to step on.
I spent two weeks in a vacuum cleaner once.
Ate a penny to stay alive.
[WHINING.]
She's never gonna change us back.
Dr.
Rafkin, superheroes don't whine.
I'm not a superhero, I'm a periodontist.
I drive a station wagon.
Well, it's official.
I'm in hell.
- It's too bad that phone doesn't work.
PHONE: I do.
- I was Amanda's next-door neighbour.
- Don't ask.
Yak-yak-yak-yak-yak.
PHONE: Watch my nine, I'm ticklish.
I'll just call my aunts and they'll fix everything.
Love the gingham.
Great! You can fix everything.
No, I can't.
I'm here to give you a quiz for your witch's licence.
I'm never gonna be happy to see you, am I? But, Sabrina, this is the perfect opportunity to test you on your witch ingenuity.
Don't make me hurt you.
Get me out of this box.
- And take us with you.
- Or at least take him.
Sorry, guys.
Amanda locked the spell.
Sabrina, your quiz is that you have to get everyone out of this box by yourself.
Now, isn't learning fun? [SARCASTICALLY.]
"Isn't learning fun?" There's gotta be a way out of here.
I've just gotta think.
I'm blind! I'm blind! Sit up.
You're just not used to your doll eyes.
That's better.
Way to go.
That could have entertained us for at least a minute.
Thank you for talking me into buying these.
I love your daisy shoesies.
[PACKAGING CRINKLING LOUDLY.]
You know, that noise isn't making me want to rip my skin off.
I know.
It's amazing.
You haven't bugged me in hours.
I think I'm gonna go for a little walk.
You wanna come? No.
I'm in the mood for a little nap.
Well, then I'll just walk by myself, then.
[KNOCK ON DOOR.]
You know what makes a great sleep aid? Belgian chocolates.
Okay, I think I have a plan, and I'll need your help.
You can really read people, can't you? Come on, if we band our talents together, I know we can do it.
There's power in numbers.
It takes a village.
Cry freedom! Nothing? I'll help you, Sabrina.
- Whoo-hoo.
- Like we're so busy.
I'm in.
But you should know that I have no upper-body strength.
Come on, Ralphie.
Power to the toys.
Fine.
It'll give me something fresh to be bitter about.
All right.
Power to the toys! Power to the toys! Let's get to work.
Salem, time to play cat hospital.
This cotton swab is way too small.
I like things big.
Somebody needs their ears cleaned.
Salem [SIGHS.]
Okay, everybody, you know what to do.
How do you know when you're bleeding internally? Hmm.
What else could I do with this? Ha-ha.
[BOX BREAKS.]
[TOYS SHOUTING.]
What's that noise? - Oh, yeah! - Yeah! Party! Oh, please.
I've had enough therapy to know not to fall for reverse psychology.
What's this? A new toy? It's kind of small.
Bigger is always better.
[TOY PLAYING "POP GOES THE WEASEL".]
Now it's my turn to play.
Oh, yeah? I'm gonna have my mom stop payment on your check.
- Hello.
- So it looks like I passed, huh? Yep.
Once again, you got yourself out of the mess you got yourself into.
I'll take that as a "well done.
" Now, you're too big for stickers, right? - Yeah.
- Yes.
More for me.
Toodles.
Hey, guys, gather your accessories.
You're going home.
- Yeah! Yes! We're all happy! - Yay! And nobody needs to touch me.
Oh, you badly needed a face peel.
This face is so dirty.
[CRANKING.]
There, you dry now.
[KNOCK ON DOOR.]
- Hello, Madame Dermis? - What do you want from me? I would like to make an appointment for one of your Realm-renowned baby-butt facials.
Let's see Oh.
I can take you 2:30, Tuesday, April 2nd, in the year 2047.
Great.
Could you maybe call me the day before to remind me? Yes.
You know, word around the pool is that you have an appointment available today.
- It's taken.
- I figured.
I was just taking a walk and I happened to see your door, so I thought I'd just Hey.
I know those daisy shoesies.
- Zelda! - I'm not Zelda.
You better show your face.
Oh! I knew it was you.
I'm so ashamed.
You pretend like you're going to take a nap, but all along you were just going to steal the facial.
- You are so two-faced.
- Me? You're the one who took a little walk over here to steal the facial.
Stop ganging up on me.
Then hand me my face.
Gladly.
Catch.
[FACE HITS FLOOR.]
Oops.
I ruined your facial.
Gotta go.
Over here.
[DOOR CLOSES.]
Hotter.
Colder.
Colder.
Waah! I'm free! Now I can go back to fighting gingivitis.
- Did you forget something? - No.
I was just taking a minute to enjoy my full-size nostrils.
Okay, Amanda, do your stuff.
They were stupid dolls, anyway.
And a lot of them bite.
Finally.
I can stop standing on my tippy-toes.
- What do you say? - You'll be back.
[SARCASTICALLY.]
I mean, sorry.
Now that we're both out of the box, I was wondering, could we go out some time? Oh, I'd love to, if I weren't so sick of you.
Okay, Amanda, last one.
There.
Happy? So all that hair is really mine.
Come on, Ralphie, let's get this linen closet on the road.
Boy, there's a voice I'm not gonna miss.
- So long, kiddo.
- Ralphie? You think I can give you that hug now? Talk about a broken record.
Well, if it means that much to you.
Okay, I'm done.
Hey, is that a tear in your eye? No, I'm just remembering that, heh, I have to give up that winter-nap thing.
[THUNDER CRASHES.]
You know, maybe I shouldn't babysit anymore.
You think? Oh.
Right, I can bend.
Nights like these make me glad I never had kittens.
- We're home.
- Did you guys have a good time? - I have no sister.
- No one talk to me.
Aunt Zelda, there's a piece of your cheek hanging off your face.
That qualifies as talking.
Well, I'm glad you guys had a good time at the spa.
I'm fine.
Amanda's fine.
Oh, she's upstairs asleep.
Here are my hundred "I'm sorry's.
" Aw.
Here are mine.
You'll notice the "sorry's" in bold.
I still think we need to spend some time apart.
- I agree.
- So I'm going to the Poconos.
Oh, that sounds like fun.
Come on.
It's a big place.
[GROANING.]
You won't even know I'm there.
AMANDA: Sabrina, you'd better do as I say.
I want water.
I want water now! Okay.
[WATER SPLASHING.]
AMANDA [MUFFLED.]
: Thank you.
I do love a happy ending.