Sexify (2021) s02e05 Episode Script

1
[exhales]
What's with the face?
It's just something isn't right here
with the data.
[Rafał] Right.
[grunts]
We're doing all the heavy work here
and yet where is our superior?
All right.
Uh, guys, as you probably noticed,
our plan is working.
We've got people we can interview.
However, we need more questions
and better ones.
That's why today me and the other girls
will be going out
to see some sex experts to help us.
Hey, what's up?
[upbeat music plays]
[camera shutter clicks]
[camera shutter clicks]
[camera shutter clicks]
So, right now you guys
just keep analyzing the data we have.
And we'll be back in the evening.
So until then,
Sexify rests on your shoulders.
[upbeat music plays]
THE BOYS
Please don't fuck it up.
IN PURSUIT OF A BETTER APP
GO
[whip cracks]
[teacher] The glans, right?
And now I have a task for all of you here.
That includes ladies
and gentlemen as well.
Everyone, take one of these
and using our model, show us the areas
PENIS MAINTENANCE WORKSHOP
that in your personal opinion
are the most sensitive parts.
Fortune favors the bold,
so let's get going, okay?
[gentle music plays]
Go ahead.
Pin it up. Yes, be bold.
That's very good work.
Don't be shy.
That's it.
Very nice.
Pin it in. Good.
Excellent.
Yes, you should try too, sir.
[music ends]
This will be even weirder
if we don't talk the whole time.
[man] I'm coming!
I'll be right there.
Oh.
You must be those married millionaires
looking for gizmos for the bedroom.
- No, I'm not with him.
- Or a millionaire.
[man] Uh-huh.
So, you're Sexify.
Follow me to the land of male fantasies.
The key to our success is customization.
Our clients here,
which so far have only been men,
can choose every little detail
of the body that they would like.
From what kind of toes to everything.
[Maks] Mm-hmm.
That said,
the real magic happens right here.
[tense music plays]
MODESTY, SUBMISSIVENESS, LENIENCY
[tense music intensifies]
[sniffs]
While modern culture
is stifling masculinity,
there's only one path
that will allow us
to reclaim our real power.
It's nature's path.
Well, what do you think?
I think I've been out there
mushroom picking before.
Dad, focus, please!
Well, darling, I don't know
if this type of meeting is for me.
[Paulina] Let's go.
Maybe you'll find it helps.
An ejaculation-free orgasm
is waiting for you.
Why are we wasting time
on all of these stupid questions
when Sexiguy works fine?
Hey Creep, don't you know yet?
- Don't I know what?
- That your app is getting an update.
What do you mean "update"?
[inhales]
- Well he's saying it's gonna be discarded.
- [bell rings]
[with full mouth] They tricked me again!
They said Sexiguy is genius!
Why don't we improve it together?
[speaks normally] They're trying
to make it an app for eunuchs!
It's normal for a product
to evolve during the creative process.
When Columbus set sail,
he was looking for India.
Sure.
If Columbus looked at the horizon
and saw Natalia, Paulina, and Monika,
he wouldn't have docked.
And for good reason.
I'd take scurvy over that bunch.
I can tell you don't appreciate the genius
of Sexiguy Men by Rafał.
And Grześ.
I don't understand
why you're so mad, Rafał.
You got your money, right?
- You work in a young, dynamic team
- Yup.
Yeah, I have money for right now.
- However, money runs out.
- Sure does.
That said, fame is forever!
I want to be Columbus.
I don't want to be a deckhand.
I want the whole world to hear
about the app Sexiguy Men by Rafał!
- And Grześ.
- And Grześ.
And Grześ.
Could I get some tissues?
[horn honks]
[woman] There you go.
Two-fifty.
- [coins clink]
- Thank you.
[upbeat music plays]
WORLD OF COMPUTERS
Raffy, don't get any dumb ideas.
I won't. Don't worry.
I won't.
Please don't fuck it up.
[upbeat music plays]
I'M SORRY
[upbeat music continues]
PENIS HANDLING WORKSHOP
[Jabba] Adam?
What's up?
Natalia's not here right now.
She's on a quest.
- A quest?
- I figured she told you.
No, I didn't know.
Yeah, we're still struggling
with that app for guys.
There's
- One for guys now?
- Guys who can't get it up.
Would you like a sandwich?
I'll have one.
You're already eating.
But I'll gladly have another snack.
Natalia's not here, but
[tense music plays]
[vending machine beeps]
- You didn't put any pins in.
- I don't really vibe with it.
I hear that. Glad I'm not the only one.
Natalia.
Alina.
So, why'd you come here?
- I hoped it could help me out.
- In your relationship?
[hesitates] No, my work.
Oh, so you're an escort?
- No.
- Oh.
I'm sorry. I took you for someone else.
I'm the CTO of Sexify.
An app that will revolutionize sex.
Oh, I think I've heard of it.
And you are
A dominatrix.
YOUR FAVORITE SEXUAL FANTASIES
DOMINATRIX
Hold on!
[scientist] Artificial intelligence
is what makes our girls virtually human.
They learn your preferences
like an internet browser would.
And do you collect data on what the owners
usually expect from the dolls?
We don't need that kind of data.
The girls we have are adaptable
and they are all tailored to the needs
of particular clients.
Excuse me,
if I'm being honest with you,
this whole thing is a bit sad, isn't it?
That men need something like this.
Well, miss,
at the end of the day,
it's all about reducing tension
and we find that applies
to men as well as women.
All of our dolls guarantee
that you will maintain
complete independence in life.
And that right there
is what our clients truly value.
What are you looking at?
So, we're talking after all?
Let's go.
The ceremony will be starting shortly.
The what?
[Rafał] First of all, I want to thank you
for finding the time for me.
I have all your issues from way back
when you still were in print.
It's a pity that
the readers of World of Computers
prefer to have their world
on a computer. [laughs]
[laughing]
Thank you. You see, humor is my forte.
It's hard to miss.
Oh, and would you give my regards
to Free Frag. He's my favorite author.
Actually, I don't know him.
I'm an intern.
Oh.
All right, then.
Let's get down to business, shall we?
[journalist] Mm-hmm.
I would like for the whole world
to hear about our app
Sexiguy Men by Rafał and Grześ.
This app is a true wingman
for any hardcore players who
Yes, we examined the app at the office.
The thing that caught our attention was
how similar the layout
for your application is
when compared to the layout
of the Sexify press kit.
[upbeat music plays]
Oh, you think so?
I really hadn't noticed that.
But allow me to finish my thought.
This app is a true wingman
Did you use Sexify for your inspiration?
And do you happen to know
when Sexify is finally going to launch?
I learned that you studied
with two of the creators of Sexify
when you were at school.
Very well, uh, you see
Sexiguy is working
with the girls who work on Sexify,
If we could just focus
on what I was saying before, Miss
Just a second.
You're telling me that the girls of Sexify
are behind Sexiguy?
That's not what I said.
I was the only creator on that.
And Grześ.
[chuckles]
That said, currently,
I am working under a wing of Sexify.
It all just happened kind
of naturally for me.
- Naturally?
- Mm-hmm.
I worked for a long time
as a canine behaviorist,
but it turns out
I have a horrible fur allergy.
A canine behaviorist allergic to dogs.
[chuckles]
Can you imagine?
Uh and um,
he doesn't mind that I came here?
Who him?
Of course, he does.
And I'll get a big tip for it.
Oh. Goddamn it!
Oh
This is one downside of this kind of work.
[groans] I have to take all this off
to find that noodle. I'll be right back.
[upbeat music plays]
Um, excuse me, can I ask you a question?
[man] At your service.
- Why are you doing this?
- Me?
I'm a good boy. I'm not doing anything.
No, what I'm asking is
what do you get out of this?
All of this.
This? [clears throat]
Here, nothing is up to me.
- Exactly.
- Exactly.
- And you know who I am.
- You've got a mask.
Oh, that's right.
I'll tell you this.
In my life, every decision matters.
It feels incredible
to have a moment to give up control.
[exhales] You should try it.
I recommend it wholeheartedly.
[whip cracks]
There's that face again.
Careful or it'll stick.
- One question is bothering me.
- Doctor, we're free until tonight.
We can just idle the time away.
We could check out World of Computers,
for example.
[upbeat music plays]
[laughs]
You know what?
Sorry, I
I'm gonna go over these results from home.
[upbeat music stops]
Doctor.
Do you see that?
"Tonight we will publish the findings
of our investigation."
"Sexify, sexist instead of sexual."
What's this about?
About Sexiguy?
Nobody knows Sexiguy is Sexify.
Or we'd all be fucked here.
And we are.
[Rafał] Oh, World of Computers?
I gave them an interview today.
They invited me.
Please don't fuck it up.
Columbus.
Let's go.
You've gotta be joking.
[audience cheering]
[roars]
[all roar]
[performer]
That's it! Don't be shy, beasties!
[all roar]
Don't forget this.
No one is judging anyone
who is here tonight!
[audience cheers]
Would anyone out there judge a rock?
The bark of a tree,
you wouldn't judge that.
When in nature, things just simply exist!
[roars]
Yes! Take your shoes off.
No shoes are allowed.
[crowd chanting] Shoes! Shoes!
Allow your feet to be free.
Ah!
[tense music plays]
Can you feel that?
How your feet connect with the earth?
[crowd cheers]
Can you feel it?
Yeah!
And now, all of you, come closer.
Let me welcome you
to our tribal bonfire with us.
For today, we will become closer,
closer to our planet.
We'll wake your inner animal
who's been slumbering,
who has been hibernating for too long.
To have good sex, you have to find another
who can feel the earth.
[crowd shouts, cheers]
[roars]
[crowd roars]
Yes! Very good! Very good.
We have gathered here to bind Jan Baniak
and Lena 3000 Limited Edition
in holy matrimony.
["Wedding March" plays]
Is this a joke?
By no means.
Poland is still very conservative
when it comes to the subject
of taking a doll for your bride.
Many of the clients we have
subscribe to traditional values,
so we did our best to accommodate them.
And that little man is
Pastor Mitch. He's in Sydney.
That there is his hologram.
If anyone knows a reason
why these two shouldn't be married,
let them speak now,
or forever hold their peace.
I'm sorry.
Sorry, but I feel obligated to point out
that you're getting married to a doll.
Tell me something I don't know.
Have you ever considered
perhaps, uh, looking for a living wife?
I had one for twenty years.
And guess what? It didn't work out.
If this is what the future looks like,
I'm withdrawing from technology.
[tense music plays]
You know, Mom was my animal.
Your mom.
I know that, Dad.
Paulinka, I'm sorry.
I know you wanted to help me,
but I wasn't made for these things.
Those Tinders
and orgasms
What are they called?
Ejaculation-free, Dad.
I always did it normally with your mom.
- [opera music plays]
- [grunting]
So, you're telling me
that Sexiguy doesn't belong to Sexify?
[phone ringing]
You see, that question
doesn't have a clear-cut answer.
No?
[clears throat] Well, Miss, uh
The thing that we'd like to suggest to you
is for your article to focus solely
on the innovation of the Sexiguy men app,
and its creator.
That would fix all our problems.
The thing is, I don't have a problem.
Miss, the issue here is
that Sexify is a pro-woman application.
It's for women by women.
And your article,
based on a misunderstanding,
possibly could cause the fairer sex
to get irrationally mad
at our product unfairly.
And I'm sure you know
chicks can be unforgiving. [chuckles]
Why don't you show
a little female solidarity?
Female solidarity with you?
You serious?
[phone ringing]
Gentlemen, listen
I'm an intern in this editorial office.
I usually spend my days rewriting
clickbait leads from foreign websites.
And now I've got a choice.
Publish an article today
that exposes how there is sexism
in a large Polish start-up,
something that fulfills
my professional ambitions.
Of course, I could also rewrite that piece
about the dog that learned to play Tetris
in the name of female solidarity
with you girls.
[upbeat music plays]
- Relax, no one reads it except for geeks.
- Is that so?
[phone keyboard clicking]
[phone chimes]
SAME GRAPHICS AS SEXIFY,
BUT TRAGIC CONTEN
THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE WOKE
ANYBODY KNOWS WHAT'S UP?
SAME THING AGAIN
Our only task today
was not to fuck anything up.
[music ends]
Before we say goodbye,
I would like to show you one more thing.
The apple of my eye.
Sexify.
[somber music plays]
This business was run
by three young girls.
I invested in them, because it's not only
a calculated cash grab, but
this business was born out of passion.
What I value the most.
I hope it will be also a great asset to
Vertigo Funding Group.
[Grześ] Sorry.
[whimsical music plays]
Hello.
How's it going?
Um
Um
I'm really sorry for being late.
You no longer work here.
This here is the final stop of our trip.
Meet Violetta.
[gentle music plays]
Hello.
Tell me what your name is.
Monika.
I was asking him.
- I am Maks.
- I like your name.
Thank you.
Um.
I've always felt
like it's a name for a well, a dog.
But my mom was adamant.
Wow, you are so funny.
And what about yourself?
What are you like?
What would you like me to be like?
Um
Well I guess I would like it if you'd stop
answering questions with more questions.
I won't do that.
Ever.
[gentle music continues]
I don't like you, Violetta.
Look, there's no one here.
They're either at lunch
or at the wedding party.
And what of it?
What are you doing?
Some quick empowerment.
Watch the doors, okay?
SUBMISSIVENESS
[gasps] No.
- No, Monika! No, no, no, no.
- You're not looking, or no one's there?
[spluttering] Both. Neither.
- Now the girls will be cooler.
- Monika, you can't do that!
[scientist] Oh, there you two are!
What is it you can't do?
Well, we can't
stop marveling at your genius products.
[chuckles]
Are you sure you're not from our factory?
[chuckling] Joking. Joking.
That's a good one. You're so funny.
[alarm blaring]
Oh! Hi, Gosia.
It's me. Marek.
Oh, Marek,
I couldn't recognize you in that.
It's electric.
- You seeing Monika?
- Yes, she was out.
She's not there?
Too bad. I wanted to visit her.
Show her my bike.
- Looks cool.
- It's a stereo hybrid.
Hmm.
How is everything going for you?
I heard recently
a few of your projects were going south.
Nah, just a temporary turbulence is all.
Nothing to worry over.
- Well, I'm sure that you'll recover soon.
- Of course.
The Vertigo guys,
they've got some momentum,
but I'll catch up to them.
Of course, Marek. Bye!
See ya, Gosia.
ARE YOU AFRAID THAT YOUR PARTNER
CAN ONLY BE SATISFIED BY PENETRATION?
ARE YOU AFRAID
THAT YOUR PENIS HAS THE WRONG SHAPE?
DO YOU HAVE CONCERNS
THAT YOU WILL "FAIL" DURING SEX?
GREETINGS FROM PORTUGAL
[microwave dings]
[Zygmunt] Paulinka, shall we go?
[bell tolling]
Are you feeling okay?
- Everything has changed now.
- Excuse me?
Everything that you had
in your relationship with Mom is over.
You understand?
Get that in your head.
It's time to move on
because you have to move on.
You need to go forward.
Where should I go then?
For starters, back to that room. Come on.
[performer] Remember,
the world is indifferent towards us.
- I know it may sound a bit scary
- [Paulina] Excuse me!
and cold,
but it should be a source of heat.
Excuse me. Excuse me!
Hey, what's up?
Do you have a question?
Yeah. No.
What I've got
is a bear over there to awaken.
Here.
Nice to meet you.
[audience laughing]
Do you know how you can tell
that a guy is gay?
He wants to get married.
- [audience chuckles]
- Seriously.
Whenever marriage comes up at parties,
all my gay friends go,
"Yes, I want a wedding."
"I even made a protest banner for it."
"Finish that wine. Let's go to a rally!"
However, when I ask the same question
of my straight friends,
I always hear, "No, no, no. Quiet, quiet.
Not in front of Kasia. Touchy subject."
Personally,
I'm the exception among my fellow gays.
I don't want to get married.
I don't want its aftermath.
I believe an engagement
holds a lot more fire.
I have a vision of when I'm old,
half deaf. I've got a sore back.
And I'm travelling to a spa
with my 80-year-old fiancé.
[audience laughs]
Hey, old friend. What brings you here?
I've got a feeling it's not comedy.
[chuckles]
I wanted to say thanks for the postcard.
And I wanted to talk with you
about what it is that men need.
Evidently postcards.
Since you showed up to thank me
after a year.
I'm doing research on, um
finding what the sexual needs of men are.
So ask yourself.
If I recall correctly, you have sex.
Men don't respond to me
the way they do to you.
You'd be surprised.
[chuckles]
All right, what are the questions?
What are the questions Hmm
What should one do to make it better?
I mean, so that it's not a performance,
but an encounter.
[chuckles] Why are you asking me
when I've been performing my whole life?
That's my way of dealing
with uncomfortable things in life.
I call out my demons from deep within
I invite them on stage to dance
at "Laughing Thursday" each week.
And you're constantly in fear.
All your life, you just stand there.
Life passes you by.
And then you wake up with some postcard.
Don't be so scared, buddy.
Is this your partner?
No, that's my dad.
Oh.
- Dad has just split up with Mom and
- Um, Paulina, right? Yes, I'm correct.
Uh, why don't you give the mic
to your father.
- [upbeat music plays]
- So
who are you, and what brings you here?
Oh, right, uh
PAULINA'S FATHER
I am Paulina's father.
Uh-huh.
And who else are you,
besides the father of Paulina?
Um, I'm also Pola,
Patrycja, and Pawełek's dad.
[performer] Right, I see.
And, uh, do you have a name of your own,
or are you just a Moominpappa from Poland?
[audience laughs]
- Shh!
- No, no. Sorry. Of course I have a name.
Zygmunt Malinowski.
Zygmunt Malinowski! That's a great name!
Let's hear it for Zygmunt!
Zygmunt.
Zyg-m-t! Zyg-m-t!
[thunder rumbles]
It reminds me of thunder.
The power of lightning.
I like it.
Thank you kindly.
So then, Zygmunt Malinowski,
what has happened to you?
Well, like Paulinka already
mentioned earlier,
I've got some issues with my wife.
What issues are those?
She left me for another.
[audience jeers]
All right. Easy, everyone.
Easy. Just relax.
We are not going to focus
on the wife here, okay?
Let us stay present
with Zygmunt Malinowski.
How is it that you're feeling about it?
- I feel helpless.
- Of course.
And for so many years,
you've only been Paulina's dad.
And Pola's, Patrycja's, and Pawełek's.
And now, you have to, once again
be Zygmunt Malinowski.
And that's not easy.
It hasn't been.
You're afraid
that you have nothing left
to offer the world, is that right?
You're wrong!
Because listen to me.
Never have I've never met
a better Zygmunt Malinowski than you.
You're incredible.
The best at being Zygmunt Malinowski.
Do you all know
a better Zygmunt Malinowski?
- No!
- No!
Exactly!
It looks as if you somehow forgot about
the needs of this member of
the endangered Zygmunt Malinowski species.
And so right now,
you start taking care of that beast.
Bravo! Zygmunt!
[audience chanting] Zygmunt!
[comedian] I'm always just performing.
That's my way of dealing
with uncomfortable things in life.
Don't be so scared.
AFRAIDWORRIED
SATISFACTION, AMBIVALENCE, FEAR
You know who does that? Nobody.
You can't turn off a working app.
It's unprofessional.
Seriously, Columbus? You're gonna
teach me about professionalism?
And besides that,
it will end our research right now.
How will we make a new app
if we end our research
by shutting it down?
That's true.
However,
if we don't immediately cut off access
to your cavern of trash,
we're all gonna drown in a shit storm.
One you made for use so graciously.
I just feel like we should
talk to the girls before we do it.
[upbeat music continues]
You have to understand.
This is Sexiguy Men by Rafał.
It's my life's work.
You're right about that. It's yours.
So you turn it off.
[upbeat music ends]
Ready to input new questions?
- There won't be any questions.
- What?
They turned off Sexiguy.
Sit down.
Read it.
"If you've been wondering
what's going on with Sexify?"
"It turns out that its founders
have been busy creating the Sexiguy app."
"One look at what's on the app
takes us back to the schoolyard
in terms of talking about sex."
- How do they even know we're involved?
- Keep reading.
"The shockingly misogynist side of Sexify
was revealed to us
by a member of their team,
Rafał Palech."
[snorts] "Palech."
She couldn't even get my name right.
You think that's your biggest problem?
This could be the end of us.
Listen, it seems that turning off Sexiguy
solved the issue.
[door lock beeps]
After the initial hype,
we're no longer trending,
'cause people can't verify if the article
is telling the truth or not.
We can't ask any more questions.
[Dr. Krynicki] I think we already know
everything we need to.
I was analyzing our results earlier today.
Every guy, without exception, is afraid
of making a fool of himself in bed.
They're worried they won't get hard.
And if they do, it'll last too short
or too long, or that it won't be enough.
They also worry
that their penis might be too small
or too thin, big, thick, whatever.
Everyone wants to feel proud,
but they're afraid of being misjudged.
Of their dicks being inadequate,
of themselves being inadequate.
And that's why we act.
Why we pretend.
Out of fear.
Even though we all share the same fear.
I believe
that everyone feels lonely with it.
That's what this app should be about.
[tense music plays]
[all chanting] Zygmunt!
DOCTOR, JABBA, PALECH, NATALIA
[electronic music plays]
[electronic music continues]
[electronic music ends]