Single Ladies (2011) s02e05 Episode Script

Previously on Single Ladies I'm April.
Jack.
How was your date with the stripper? Oh, God.
I am pleased to introduce miss Taylor tilton and her escort, Mr.
Malcolm Franks.
Keisha, will you be making a donation? Put me down for 15,000.
Really? Really.
I see you're wearing Anthony Williams.
We should be carrying his line.
You should give me another chance.
To do what? Did you guys just see who that was? Do we ever miss 6'3", cock diesel and fine? That's Tony Crawford.
I've been wanting to meet him for years.
That is Tony Crawford.
I'm sorry, I hadn't made it up to his face yet.
Keisha, don't you remember? Are you serious? I forget what year it was, but his team was in town and she just had to meet him.
So of course it was up to me to make it happen.
I found out what hotel he was staying in, snuck her past security to his room.
Do you know when we knocked on the door and he opened it, I was the only one standing there? Mm-hmm, this heifer had run all the way back to the elevator.
I was shy.
I didn't know what to say.
You coulda started with, "let's go, keisha," so he wouldn't think I was the groupie.
You're still my girl for that.
Mmm, I'm sure.
But I've been in love with him ever since Miami crushed Georgia tech in the orange bowl.
He holds the single season record for sacks, and he retired with three super bowl rings.
The ring you need to be checking for is this one.
All clear.
Don't start that again.
Can someone help me, please? She will.
Hi.
Hi.
I'm Raquel.
Tony.
How can I assist you? Do you have anything cut for a guy my size? We may have a few items, but we can definitely custom-tailor anything.
I know you must get this all the time, but I am a huge fan.
Well, not as much as I used to and rarely from a woman as beautiful as you.
Thank you.
Okay, so here's the deal.
I've been invited to the white house to an event with the first lady on youth fitness.
I want to look spiffy, but I don't really know what to wear, so Well, if you give me a day, I can pull some clothes for you.
I think I have a feel for your style.
Thank you.
Anything to shut my boys up.
They always got something to say about what I wear.
Um Before you go, there's something that's been nagging me.
Your last season, why did you guys switch to a 3-4? It killed the pass rush.
That's exactly what I said.
Yeah.
And the owner got on my damn nerves too.
I mean, let the coach do his job.
That's why you hired him.
Wow.
You know your football, huh? Little bit.
And what do you know about filet mignon? Would you care to join me in having some? I don't eat red meat.
But I'd love to join you and tell you how bad it is the whole time you eat it.
Um Let me know when.
Who needs porn when we have April? Ew.
PDA is icky when you're not one of the parties involved.
Ooh, look at her go.
And go and go.
Oh, hey, guys.
Think I left my phone.
Yeah.
How's it going? We should be asking you that.
So have you let Jack in your box yet? Please tell me the answer is no.
Okay, first of all, it is way too early in our relationship to be having sex.
And second of all, you guys are just never gonna get over the fact that he's a stripper, are you? Don't count on it.
Not at all.
Sorry, but his profession makes me a little nervous.
Guys are already slutty.
But a guy who dances around naked for a living might be even more so.
Just be careful.
Not to stir the pot, but, April, quick recap.
This morning, Tony Crawford, football player extraordinaire, came in here and asked Raquel out on a date.
After she picked her tongue up off the floor, she said yes.
So Jack is to be judged, but a professional athlete, who I'm sure is no virgin, gets a pass? The difference is you don't know Jack.
I know Tony.
He's a good boy.
I've done my research.
By research, she means she's been stalking him for years.
Look, I know it sounds ridiculous, but everyone in my fantasies is perfect.
That's why they're called fantasies.
I've never met Daniel Craig, but I'm positive he is a tireless lover.
Oh, I get it.
You make exceptions when you want to sleep with someone.
It's true.
If David Beckham walked in here today, I would explain very politely to posh that she should go and have a spot of tea and some crumpets because me and her man are going to be a while.
Well, if Enrique iglesias walked in here, I'd be doing some similar 'splaining to his girlfriend.
If we're talking fantasy, mine is idris elba.
Ah.
But if we are talking hypocritical, Raquel, that would be you.
Oh, all day long.
I'll see you guys later.
I have to go handle some things.
I'm gonna get going too.
Somewhere less judgmental, like the hair salon.
Hello, children.
Greatness has arrived.
Anthony Williams.
I saw you on project runway all stars.
Finally another season worth watching.
Thank you for coming.
I'm so excited that you've agreed to be one of the featured designers for my party.
It's going to be one of my first moves to rebrand the store.
Now how could I say no? This boutique is hot.
And who doesn't love a party? And I'm trying to make it even hotter.
Have you thought any more about my offer to sell your line here exclusively? I'm still thinking.
You know, you have a lot of competition.
There's Jeffrey in phipps Plaza, and then there's Jeffrey, and of course Jeffrey.
Fair enough.
I love a man who plays hard to get.
But watch out, I'll get you.
Mmm, you'll be the first.
I'll see your 10,000 And raise 10,000.
Mmm, you're going all-in.
Bold move.
I like your style, girl.
I Think you're bluffing, beautiful.
Mmm.
There's only one way to find out, handsome.
You sure are right.
What the hell.
I call.
Mmm.
Mm-mm-mm.
There goes my threesome.
How 'bout you, miss keisha? Had about all you can handle yet? No, Luke.
I can go all night.
Well, go all night you shall.
Mmm.
Your straight beat my three of a kind.
Well, it looks like I'm gonna have to keep my eyes on you.
Ooh, I thought you already were.
Between you and I, I've been wondering exactly how lucky I'm gonna get this evening.
Depends on how you play your cards.
Mmm.
Call.
Hmm.
Don't be shy now.
Make your move.
All right.
You trying to muscle the pot? Why? Would you like that, dear? I am curious to see what you're working with.
Call.
You gonna see.
Mmm.
Call.
Although beautiful you may be, you're still 120k away from a call.
I think you know what I expect if you lose, dear.
I know what you want.
Well, take me to the river, baby.
I think I'll just take you.
Hmm.
Well, what exactly are you gonna take me in? Four kings.
That look is priceless.
As previously arranged and discussed, time to pay up.
Let's go, luscious.
I'm gonna enjoy this ride in my new Aston Martin.
Don't look so sad.
Call yourself a ride.
Oh, cash me out Expeditiously.
This place is kind of out of the way.
What made you pick it? Your Facebook page.
It said you liked lobster.
They have really good lobster here.
I also saw that picture of your new tattoo.
Very sexy, by the way.
You checked me out on Facebook? Of course, I had to do my research.
I'm sure you did yours.
No, no, no, I'd never do that.
I like to be surprised.
Okay.
Well, here's one.
They make an amazing chocolate souffle here.
It's my favorite.
I know.
Tony, you're really thoughtful.
You sound surprised.
A little.
No offense, but when I think of a star athlete, "thoughtful" isn't the first word that comes to mind.
And what is? Dumb? Whorish? Roided-up? Wow, you just unpacked your adjectives.
I don't think that poorly about athletes.
Actually, I'm a bit of an athlete myself.
I ran track at Princeton.
Really? Track is a great sport for women.
And those programs aren't too expensive for the university, so they don't take away from major sports like football and basketball.
Please don't tell me you're anti-title ix and don't support female athletics.
I love female athletes, but they don't generate revenue for the school.
I don't think it's fair to take money from the men's programs to subsidize the women's.
It's totally fair.
It's vital to provide equal opportunity for everyone.
Ah, that's just a bunch of politically correct gibberish.
People just don't watch women's sports the way they do men's.
When was the last time you went to a wnba game? Exactly.
So if you had a daughter and she played a sport, would you support her? Hell yeah.
My niece plays soccer, and I haven't missed a game.
Uncle Tony even does cartwheels with the cheerleaders.
Stop lying.
You cannot do a cartwheel.
I swear.
I'll show you.
I'll even do a backflip.
No, no.
I believe you.
Scared I was gonna embarrass you? No, I was scared you were gonna get us thrown out before I got my souffle.
April.
Oh, Jack.
Yes, oh! Damn! It's too hot.
That was intense.
I have an idea.
Let's do it again.
This time, naked.
I can't, Jack.
That's moving too fast.
I'll take it slow, I promise.
I hope you're cool with waiting.
If fooling around like this is frustrating, I understand if you wanna stop.
April, I'm not trying to rush you into something you're not ready for.
But the last thing I want is to stop getting the little bit you're offering.
And in the spirit of compromise, next time feel free to take off your socks.
You hungry? Sure.
What you got? Since I didn't go to the grocery store, not much.
Let's see, uh Ooh, I can make us a gourmet fried bologna sandwich.
Can you make it with butter? What do you know about that? Are you kidding? I lived on them in college.
Sounds familiar, except the college part.
I got married right out of high school, so I never had to be on my own.
You were lucky.
I had to work my way through school.
That's actually what made me start stripping.
Well, you have a college degree now.
So why don't you stop? Hello, the money's good.
And grad school's way more expensive than undergrad.
Plus the hours are flexible, and it's like I get paid to go to the gym.
Well, we're gonna both have to go to the gym after this meal because I got kool-aid.
Cool.
Now if we just watched a marathon of family guy, we've got ourselves a party.
Mmm, remote's on the table.
Let me in.
Sorry, we're not open yet.
Hold on, that's my crazy-ass sister.
Hey, Omar.
Hey.
Presley, meet my new boss, Raquel.
Hey, girl.
Hi.
Nice to meet you.
You too.
Oh, before I forget, Corey made me promise to tell his Uncle Omar hello and that he wants the new Derrick rose sneakers for his birthday.
Done.
What about you, what do you need? Are you good? Yes.
Ever since our father died, Omar has been the head of the family.
And even though he's younger, he's always taken care of me and my mom.
My son worships him.
Hey, guys.
Raquel, is it a good time to talk about lighting for the party and a few other details? Sure.
April, do you not see me? Oh, my God, Presley! Yeah.
I didn't recognize you.
You dyed your hair.
Hi.
Yeah, she's made all sorts of changes since she got a new man.
Ooh, sounds serious.
Very.
Marcus is the sweetest, most giving, honest person I know.
I've never been in love like this.
Aww.
And yet you still haven't introduced him to your brother.
He must be ugly.
Don't you be talking about my baby like that.
He's extremely handsome.
April, let's get to work.
Okay.
So I know I borrowed money last month but-- you're a single mom.
You always need money and babysitters.
How much? Just enough to cover rent And groceries.
I'll pay you back as soon as I can.
I know.
In fact, I'm going to help you get a job.
Hey, ladies, I know a really hot dj who will make sure your guests dance till dawn.
I thought you retired from spinning.
Yeah, I did, but I started back when my son kept insisting on three meals a day.
You're hired.
Thank you.
And thank you, brother.
Love you.
Be safe.
Lock your car door.
Okay.
Bye, guys.
Bye.
Okay, so I've come up with a floor plan to open more space in the store for the-- you gotta be joking.
Is that keisha? Hey.
How you doing? Good.
I'll talk to you soon? Okay.
All right, bye.
Good morning, everyone.
Hey.
What? You left the other day driving an Aston Martin.
Now you scoot in here in a wind-up car, and you're asking us what? I'm trying to help the environment.
Keisha Greene is going green.
Uh-uh, girl, that weak-ass explanation is not gonna cut it.
Talk.
Fine.
That's a rental.
I lost the Aston Martin at my poker game.
Keisha, that's horrible.
Ouch.
I'll get it back.
I'm not worried.
Personally, I think the prius is good for you.
It's everything you're not.
Smart, compact, affordable.
Keep it up, Omar.
They'll never find your body.
Hello, pretty.
Hey.
Hi, Tony.
Mmm.
I pulled several outfits for you to try on.
Great.
And I just found out I can bring a date to that Michelle Obama event.
You wanna go to the white house? That would be amazing.
I love Michelle.
Yeah, I dig her too even though I didn't vote for her husband.
Obamacare, please.
That man's policies really piss me off.
Why don't you try these on? All right, thanks.
I don't know about him.
Yeah, don't mess with my Obama.
Mm, he also said a couple of ignorant things on our date.
But the man has a right to his opinion.
And, you know, Barack has occasionally pissed me off too.
Right.
Keisha, what are you-- damn.
What's going on? And what's with the-- did you by any chance move a tupperware container from the freezer? Uh-uh.
I coulda sworn I had at least-- talk to me, keisha.
This is about your car, isn't it? Duh.
And my poker reputation.
I had an ace-high full boat.
He lucks up and pulls quad kings.
Quad kings? I mean, come on.
Yeah, that's outrageous.
You don't have any idea what I'm talking about, do you? Uh-uh, not even a clue.
Are you in trouble? I'll help in any way I can.
I wouldn't call it trouble exactly.
I'm going to get my car back.
There's already another game scheduled.
I'm just short on the buy-in.
Well, my cash flow is a little tight right now, but I might have something extra after the party.
Oh, girl, I love you for wanting to help, but I'll solve this.
But if you stumble upon a stack of hundreds in a tupperware container, don't go getting all happy.
Will you confirm that those two people are on the guest list, and if not, will you please escort them out? Hey! Wow, April.
You really hooked this up.
You got skills, girl.
I'm absolutely thrilled at what you did.
Thank you so much.
Hey, it was your idea.
I just helped you execute it.
By the way, I love the new name of the store.
It meets all nine criteria for brand essence.
It's single-minded, intangible, unique, experiential, meaningful, sustainable, and three more.
But trust me, it'll get people through the door.
I think the mannequin orgy you have in the window is what's gonna get people through the door, but whatever works.
Yeah, that too.
Bye.
Let's dance, babe.
Oh, I can't.
I need to check with the caterer and bar number two needs more ice.
Maybe later? Sure, I'll be waiting.
All good? Cool.
What you doing looking back there? I'm sorry, this area is restricted.
And so is she.
You don't have to protect me, Omar.
I'm not in high school.
You were pregnant in high school.
I'm good, Raquel.
Just like I was when you warned me they'd be here.
Just wanted to be sure before I go say hi.
Hello.
Darling, you have absolutely outdone yourself.
Great party, Raquel.
Nice turnout.
Thank you.
Hey, you want a Cosmopolitan, babe? I hope you're not trying to inebriate me.
Ha.
As a means, not an end.
Be right back.
Can I get you something from the bar? No, thanks.
All right.
I see the two of you are still going strong.
Yes, indeed.
He's started to hint at Marriage.
Wow.
That's a little quick, isn't it? Oh, Raquel, we're not exactly debutants anymore.
No, thank you.
Hey, pretty.
Hi.
And I hope you don't mind, but I brought some friends.
This is my lawyer, John.
Hi.
And his friend from the firm-- Sean! Hey, Raquel.
Hi.
Hey, good to see you again.
Good to see you as well.
Looking good as always, keisha.
Hey.
What are you doing here? I came to see you.
What do you think? You been doing good? Ah, that question is relative.
Ah, want to talk about it? Don't mean to be rude, but I'm not waiting any longer.
Raquel.
This party is cute! And everything in here is amazing.
And by everything, I mean all my stuff.
Cute and amazing enough to allow me to be the exclusive Atlanta retailer for your designs? You know, I think of my gowns as my babies.
But it looks like they've just found a new nanny.
We absolutely loved the kona coast.
Didn't we? Malcolm? Malcolm? Yeah, babe.
Very cool.
Hey, I'm gonna go freshen up my drink.
Do you want another one? I'm fine.
Excuse me.
One sec, man.
Keisha, can I talk to you for a moment? Um, do you mind? No.
I know you're coming back.
You're good.
We've been here all night, but once I start talking to Sean, all of a sudden there's something so important you need to pull me to the side? Oh, I am not worried about that joker.
What's up with that joker who just pulled up in the car that I bought you? I lost the car in a poker match.
Damn.
That's bad, but it's better than what I thought.
I'll get it back.
You sound very confident in your skills.
Malcolm, you know all about my skills.
That's why you bought me the car in the first place, remember? Mm-hmm.
Hey.
At least you're back.
Sorry about that.
And who is your incredibly handsome friend, Raquel? Tony Crawford, Taylor tilton.
Hi, nice to meet you.
I'm gonna go check on John and make sure he's not suing anybody.
Okay, sweetie.
I see somebody's not pining after Victor barrington.
Canadian ball? American.
All-pro.
Retired.
I know it's none of my business, but doesn't it bother you that Malcolm might not have gotten keisha totally out of his system? Malcolm is my man.
And I'm happy to be with him.
But he's still a man, Raquel.
Let me put it this way.
The benefits of being with a powerful man far outweigh the drawbacks.
The simple truth is if there are poor people in America, it is their own damn fault.
How can you say that when a very small percentage of the population controls the majority of the wealth? So what should we do, take everything they've worked hard for? No, but they should pay their fair share.
Or don't you believe in the safety net? No, your so-called safety net is the reason that we depend on foreigners to pick our fruit and clean our homes.
Maybe some of those freeloaders need to get out and do some farm work and stop living off government aid.
I mean Well, that's one unpopular opinion.
I know he's wrong.
And I know I'm wrong for not caring.
But the man makes me so damn horny.
The things we do.
Mmm.
You're amazing.
Losing all that money and the car, and you still want to gamble.
If you lose a case, do you just pack up and quit lawyering? I don't think so.
Hell, if I let setbacks stop me, I would have never had money to lend you when you were in law school.
I don't know, keisha.
A prius is a solid, practical set of wheels.
All you guys are loving priuses, but not one of you is driving one.
So are you going to lend me the 20 gs or not? Mmm.
If I had good sense, I'd charge you interest.
But we know you never had that.
Didn't you mess it up with me? Thank you, Sean.
Sure.
Thank you.
It's uncharitable to say that people who are downtrodden should just help themselves.
It's that rigid, capitalistic point of view that-- I'm sorry, but I find it slightly hilarious to hear you say all that when you live in a place like this.
Excuse me? If you are that passionate about redistributing the wealth, then why don't you start with your own? You're deflecting.
We're not talking about me.
We're talking about societal responsibility to the collective whole.
Stop, we're talking.
I can't.
Your lips are so nice.
What am I supposed to do? What about the poor people? What about that bottom lip of yours? You know what, we're not gonna solve the world's problems in one night.
You should just shut me up sometimes.
Okay.
Hey you two.
Sorry, I've been on some calls.
You said you wanted to tell me something.
I don't know if this is something you wanna hear, but Taylor told me Malcolm's hinting at marriage.
Ooh-kay.
That's kinda-- wow.
Thanks for letting me know.
But I watched Malcolm watch you all night long.
And I watched Taylor watch him watch you.
So now we all know he's still feeling you.
Yeah, but keisha was spending a lot of time with Sean last night, so I think she's feeling him.
And I think that woman over there is feeling Jack.
Literally.
Excuse me? What just happened? That was just a potential client.
She was talking to me about dancing at a bachelorette party.
What? Is there a problem? You just winked and flirted with a woman who felt you up in front of me, and you're having trouble identifying this as a problem? Babe, it just comes with the territory.
Cool? No, no, not cool.
I don't like the territory.
But I met you in that territory.
So what's changed now? Me.
I was never really comfortable with you being a stripper in the first place, and I tried to get past that.
But at the end of the day, I don't wanna be with someone who's available to anyone who's paying.
You act like I'm a prostitute.
You're a guy who's surrounded by women who are constantly fondling you.
How do I know at some point you're not gonna fondle them back? It's too many hands, too many variables, too many opportunities for you to do things and things to be done to you and It weirds me out.
Is that why we haven't had sex? Yeah, that's exactly why.
You know, I wish I met you after you were finished with grad school and you were just done with this part of your life.
For the record, I don't sleep with my clients.
And I'm not gonna feel bad about the choices I make in my life.
And I'm not gonna feel bad about the choices I make in mine.
Maybe we should take a break Think things through.
Hi, you must be Marcus.
I'm Omar.
Oh, right, the brother.
She must have told you I'd be the handsome one.
Then again, she told me the same thing about you.
Okay.
Not big on hugs? Food, sports, drinks, right this way.
How's it going, everybody? Hey, baby.
Hey, mama.
Hey.
Mwah.
Is that Tony Crawford? Oh, man, I know you.
I had mad respect for your game.
Thanks, man.
I appreciate that.
My man.
Guess I shoulda won the heisman.
Did you see that? Thanks, bud.
So who we rooting for? It doesn't matter.
Cute guys playing with balls is always a win-win.
Look, man, the men are over here.
I think you'd be more comfortable with the women.
What the hell did you just say to me? Look, I'm not trying to start any trouble.
It's just, you know No, I don't know.
Look, man, we don't need all your little gay commentary, all right? Presley warned me that you was a fruit, but you need to watch who you talking to with all that homo stuff, all right? If you have a problem with me and my homo stuff, Marcus, let's just take that problem outside.
I know you ain't trying to step to me, man.
'Cause I will hurt you.
What we still standing here for? Hey, man, don't you ever touch me in your life! Marcus! Come on, man.
What the hell is going on? It seems Marcus has a problem minding his manners with gay people, so I'm about to teach him some.
Well, get to teaching then.
Yo, I think it's time for you to go, man.
I'm outta here.
Marcus.
I'm sorry, I don't know what got into him.
Look, I'll talk to him and we'll work this out, okay? Promise.
I'll call you later.
Marcus! And that concludes the homophobic halftime show.
Who's ready for pecan pie? Thanks for staying to clean up, Tony.
And for helping keep things calm earlier.
My pleasure on both counts.
Can you believe Omar's sister would date a guy like that? Marcus is a bit of a roughneck, but still Still what? I understand where my man was coming from.
We were just trying to enjoy the game.
How did Omar stop you from enjoying the game? All right, they think they're being funny and playful, but really all gay dudes like that are doing is throwing their lifestyle in your face or trying to make you a part of it.
I mean, whatever happened to don't ask, don't tell? Just another thing I can blame Obama for.
Okay.
You know what, that's it.
This is where I get off this train.
This is gonna be another one of those times where we agree to disagree.
Am I right? Nope.
Put your shirt on, leave my house.
Uh-uh.
Got faith in those black queens, don't you? My lucky ladies never fail me.
I bet.
Call.
Oh, didn't help you with your cute little flush draw at all, did it? Call.
Who shined most of the pad now? Unfortunately for you call just that just doesn't work on me.
Call.
Show me what you get.
Two pair.
Damn! I just know you'd work on with the ace have pair queens.
Not with a little back-up.
Well.
Congratulations beautiful.
Looks like the best player won.
Now if you will excuse me.
I think it's time for me to go call myself a cab.
Yep.
I'll tell you what.
I'am a classy winner.
I'll drop you off at the bus stop.
No no no no.
I'm just kidding.
I'll take you home.
We can even stop and I'll buy you dinner.
As much as I'm sure that I would sincerely enjoy that I don't think it will look right.
You see, word in our circle is you're off limits.
What circle and what limits? Hey listen, gorgeous.
I don't make the rules.
I just played by them.
So see you next game.
I'll be damned.
Come to find out.
Luke had top two pair.
But let me think I won.
Danny said he could have danniel with me.
Why would you do that? Malcolm.
Wait a minut, you think Malcolm had him loose on purpose? Yes.
Which would mean he bought that car for you twice.
But Malcolm's with Taylor now.
So why would he do that for me? Maybe for him.