Taskmaster (2015) s02e05 Episode Script

1
Hello! I'm Greg Davies and
this is Taskmaster.
It's the last episode
of the series,
which means that by the
end of this show,
we'll have found an overall winner.
The who has accumulated the most
points across the whole run
will lift this trophy,
this majestic golden head,
as the champion of Taskmaster.
Let's meet our five potential
victors. They are
Doc Brown.
Joe Wilkinson.
Jon Richardson.
Katherine Ryan.
And Richard Osman.
And here, my rock of administration
throughout the whole experience.
It's Alex Horne.
You are my rock of administration.
Really?
That's I mean, I genuinely have
so much respect for you.
I was wondering, while we're here,
if I could just ask you a little question.
If you'd do me the honour of
Legally, this is becoming my godfather.
Is that alright? There's a
It is a proper document.
Would you mind?
- Yeah.
- I haven't got one.
I don't really know what that entails.
I can get you to do what
I like if I sign this, right?
Well, I It's more gifts,
is what I thought.
- You can bring me gifts.
- Thank you.
It's the last show of
the series, Greg.
Yeah, I know.
It's exciting. There's two people,
surprisingly, in first and second.
They are Katherine Ryan
and then Jon Richardson.
There's four points separating them.
The rest aren't that far behind.
So it literally is anyone's game.
No.
Apart from Joe's.
Yes.
I've had a lovely day.
Time for the prize task.
What's the category to end the series?
Well, it's quite an emotional one.
This time we've asked them to bring in
their best piece of memorabilia.
So whoever brings the best
piece of memorabilia
will win the first task,
and whoever wins the whole episode
will go home with a lot
of memorabilia. OK?
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
Memorabilia. Keepsakes.
Souvenirs. Tat.
Jon?
I've brought something that
I have had for about 20 years.
It's one of my favourite things.
It's a Roman coin
that I found when I was
doing some gardening.
And I just think, every
time I touch it,
I get genuinely excited that
that was used in Roman times.
It's when they used most
of the Roman currency.
To buy God knows what. A gourd?
Yeah?
Or some courgette s?
It looks like a shitty
milk-bottle top.
Currently you can get
20 for £8 on eBay.
OK. Fifth place.
Um, Joe?
What piece of memorabilia
have you brought?
Er, I have gone a bit classic.
Bit sort of go-to
I have brought my map of
the Grand Union Canal.
Ah, nice.
Signed by one of the lock-keepers.
- Did you meet the lock-keeper?
- Yeah, yeah. Met him, yeah.
- What was his name?
- Clive Hutt.
If you were to describe Clive Hutt
in three words, what would you say?
Er, asthmatic.
To fulfill the three words, it would be
"asthmatic Clive Hutt", I presume.
Yeah, "asthmatic Clive Hutt".
Richard, what did you bring in?
I met one of my great sporting heroes,
and I think pretty much
everybody's sporting heroes.
One of the few people ever
I got the autograph of.
He's an absolute giant of his sport.
It's Jocky Wilson.
Whoa. Well, for those of us
who've played at Lakeside,
that, my friend, has almost
definitely secured you the top slot.
Oh, that's very kind.
He was a gentleman, as well,
as you would imagine.
Alex has a fact about Jocky Wilson.
I like Jocky Wilson.
He was a constant sweet-eater.
He refused to brush his teeth.
He lost his last tooth
by the age of 28.
Oh, nooo!
All three of which one
could have guessed.
Katherine, what did you bring?
Well, being a woman in comedy
- I get asked many questions.
- I'll bet.
They ask me, "Katherine, what's it
like being part of a revolution?"
And so I humble myself by looking at
the following coin from
the legit suffrage.
You see that? A lady from
Dagenham gave it to me.
And it's one of the many ways
that they got votes for women,
et cetera, through
their rebellion.
Wow, nice.
I mean, I guess it's gonna reflect pretty
badly on me if Jocky Wilson beats that.
Er, Doc?
I was just gonna start off
by saying that in 2003,
I really wanted to have
relations with Myleene Klass.
I randomly got to meet her,
and she asked me to
write a rap song for her. Which I did.
What, she was gonna rap it?
- Yeah.
- Oh, wow.
Yeah. So, I got to spend, like,
a week just me and Myleene.
Nothing came of it and
it is what it is. However
a couple of weeks later, she gave me
the rap that I'd written for her.
- You know she's a classical pianist and stuff?
- Yeah.
And she'd laid it out in metre,
and then framed it,
and gave it to me with a
little message at the bottom
and a little kiss.
Saying, "You weren't invited
to my house."
Yeah, it was very much like
a really, really nice gift,
but also a way of saying,
"Please don't ever contact me again."
- "Yeah, and I'm gonna frame that warning."
- But I treasure it to this day.
I treasure it.
Myleene Klass, two teeth left.
It's a fact.
- Really?
- Yeah, yeah.
- She's doing better than Jocky, then.
- Yeah.
Alright, so you've got to make a
decision. You've heard all five.
- Alright, then.
- Greg?
In fifth place, and this is gonna come as
a little bit of a shock to some of you,
I'm putting Joe's canal.
Fourth place, I'm going to
put Myleene Klass's rap.
In third place, I'm putting
Jon's Roman coin.
Just 'cause they're worth fuck-all.
In second place, incredible
though it may seem,
I'm putting the incredibly
worthy suffragette coin.
Which means, crashing in at number one
is the signed Jocky Wilson poster!
If you think that women are more
important than Jocky Wilson,
you fucking come to me.
It's alright.
I tried it with words.
Next will be actions.
OK. Hit me.
OK, well, we can do the first
proper big task now. You ready?
Oh, I really want a proper big task.
OK. Here it is, Greg.
Fox. A trolley.
Just in case it's a "your
time starts now" task,
I might have a little look
at what we have first.
"Get all this shopping into
the shopping trolley."
"Fastest wins. Your time starts now."
Oh, no. OK. That's a challenge.
So, what I might do-- Should I pump up the
boat before I even open up the thing?
I could do that.
I'm gonna look such an idiot
when I open this task.
Richard has been the
most cerebral,
I think it's fair to say,
throughout this--
That's not cerebral at all!
I mean, pump up the bed before
I know what to do.
Would you go out each night
with a condom on?
Yes?
I wear two.
What I was about to
say was, of course,
it doesn't say anywhere that
you need to use the air bed.
And it's an air bed, not a boat.
Who shall we start with?
- Shall we start with Katherine?
- Yeah.
- Uh-oh.
- We'll start with Katherine.
Oh, you bastard!
Broken!
Thank you, Katherine.
Thank you.
Literally, as it has been
across the series,
no messing with Katherine Ryan. Bam.
"I get the job done as
quickly as possible,
even when some prick takes the
wheels off the shopping trolley."
- Incredible performance.
- Thank you.
"Vote for women," as Jocky
Wilson once wisely said.
Because the wheels fell off,
which was so unlucky
Katherine managed to complete the
task in two minutes and 44 seconds.
Under three minutes.
Under four minutes!
Great, who's next?
He won't like it, but we're
gonna have a look at Doc,
and we're gonna have a look at Jon.
The Chuckle Brothers.
Is that a bridge?
It'd say that's a Yeah, OK.
Not bad.
I feel like Steve Backley.
See you in a bit.
There's a fucking bridge there.
Shit.
Oh, God.
This chicken's come out
of the bag. Eurgh!
There's a bridge there as well!
Would have seemed
totally spontaneous
without you informing us
you hadn't seen two bridges.
I always thought I was cool
under pressure until this series.
I think, if you watch me
closely throughout
As I have been.
Then you know that I make
rash and awful decisions that I
I feel the need to stick
by for ever.
Like, I'll never go back, even
though the decision was terrible.
I mean, Doc did
get the job done, right?
He finished in four minutes
and 24 seconds,
which is almost twice
as long as Katherine.
Dude, how did I not
see the bridges?
That's what freaks me out.
Did you call me "dude"?
No one has ever called me "dude".
I'm deeply troubled by the clip.
Sometimes you don't see bridges.
At least you thought to
put all the things
in one bag to throw them
across, rather than
That's true!
Thanks, man. This is
like a focus group.
I really appreciate
you guys, man.
Jon was also slower
than Katherine.
Jon was pi time, 3.14.
- Yeah?
- Pi time.
Yeah? Is that because he
didn't use the bags?
He scampered around instead
of scampering across.
There's a danger, if I'm
too close to the water,
people will think I'm a vole
and have me destroyed.
And not humanely.
- Um, however--
- No!
As I think Jon probably--
No!
- As I think Jon probably--
- No. No!
Hang on. Hey, hey. Hep-ep!
There was a slight problem--
- No!
- Hep-ep!
There was one little bit at the end
when Jon walked away,
we couldn't help noticing.
Bep-ep!
Thanks, Jon.
Absolute pleasure.
Pockets full of sponges. You didn't
put everything in the trolley.
No, I put your sponges
in the trolley,
and I always carry two
sponges with me.
So, what does that mean?
Jon's null and void?
Yes, so Doc is suddenly not so bad.
Oh, not so bad. Even though
you can't see bridges ♪
Yeah, although I did--
There is one thing.
When Doc had finished, we did
have a closer look at the river.
- Oh, no. Oh, no!
- Did I drop something? Oh!
Oh, God.
At least I took my litter with me.
What's that mean?
Both shafted, I guess, right?
Well, it's exactly your
decision to make.
Both. Shafted.
Right. Richard and Joe's
trolley dashes still to come
after the break. See you then.
Hello and welcome back
to Taskmaster.
We have four comedians and television
personality Richard Osman
competing not just for
a couple of dirty old coins,
but for the Taskmaster trophy.
Alex. Trolleys, right?
Right, Greg. Trolleys.
And despite the simplicity of the task,
both Jon and Doc failed to get
all their items into the trolley.
Which means Katherine, the series leader,
is leading this task as well.
She completed it in two minutes 44.
It's just Joe and Richard
to see. You ready?
YES!
Good. Here they are.
I could just walk across that bridge,
but this would be quicker.
"Fastest time Starts now."
Shit
Got no wheels.
Fuck.
My feet are really heavy.
How'd I do?
Is it all in the trolley?
Yeah.
There you go.
I'm glad I blew the thing up.
Speaking as an overly
tall gentleman,
we're often expected to
be gentle and kind.
So it's so nice to see one of us
really letting loose, man.
It was fun. You know what?
It wasn't one of the kind
of modern trolleys.
Oh, it was heavy.
It was amazing when you were actually there,
'cause he got quite a lot of attention.
People saying, "There's
Richard Osman!"
- Throwing a trolley!
- "What's happened?"
Er, let's talk about Joe.
Yeah, speedy. The most action
we've seen him partake in.
Yes. Rivers don't worry me.
What worries you, Joe?
Horses and darkness.
I think this must be Joe's most exciting
performance so far, isn't it?
Well, he has been-- It's very tight.
So, Richard took one minute 59.
One minute 59.
I mean, that's including ten seconds
of rolling your trousers up,
which is interesting, because
Joe took one minute 52.
- Did I win?
- You won.
Can you let me know what the
scores are, please, Alex?
OK, it's, uh
It's exciting. There's five people
competing but one in the lead.
Mr Richard Osman is in first place.
Yes.
Give us another task then, Alex.
Right, OK. This one is a team task.
A potato!
Potato.
- Here we go.
- I'll open it, you read it.
Alright. That's a nice idea.
"Make the best stop-motion film
starring this potato."
"You have one hour."
"Your time starts now."
Should we change the
potato to have, like, a face?
Or shall we use the potato
to make, like,
different little guys
to be in the film?
Well, I mean, the options are endless
but I don't know anything
about animation.
Do you have much experience of the
stop-motion film industry?
No. That's where you take
two pictures?
Yeah.
- And then that's stop-motion.
- And then that's the film.
- Just the two?
- Two pictures.
We're not gonna need an hour for this.
We're looking for
about 800 pictures.
- Eight hundred?
- Eight hundred?
- Have you lost your mind?
- That would make a 30-second film.
In an hour?
- Animation's really hard.
- It is, innit?
- I think, a pun title of a scary film.
- Yeah, yeah. OK.
So what's good for that, then?
Hateful Potato?
Night of the Living Spud.
Mash in the Attic?
We just have a mouth that
we can stick on.
- Yeah! Yeah!
- Loads of different mouths.
No. It just goes like that, doesn't it?
Shall we give it
eyes or something?
Yeah.
That looks clearly like a
potato masher, doesn't it?
Oh, yeah. Oh, a potato masher, I see!
- But it's, like, an evil one.
- Yeah.
That's why he's
wearing a white suit.
Now move him back where you were.
And again.
And again.
It's a lot easier than I imagined.
Yeah, leave it at that.
First the potato is happy, and then
he needs to be a bit confused,
like, "Hmm?" and then he
needs to be, like, "Waah!"
- Done.
- That's a wrap, I think.
- Congratulations.
- Well done.
- Relax.
- That's a wrap, guys.
Oh, we still need a title.
You're not gonna get better than
Mash in the Attic, surely.
Let's just clear up, for
incredibly stupid people,
what stop motion is, Alex?
Stop motion is things like Morph,
Wallace and Gromit.
A lot of Poirot.
You know, it's that--
It's that genre.
Let's have a look at this nonsense.
OK, wanna start with a boy and his dad?
Richard and Richardson?
- Yes I do.
- OK. Here they are.
If I'm not mistaken, a mutant potato
who was living underground
sensed that a human was
harming one of his kind.
Approached the house
successfully managed to
wrestle the potato peeler
out of the human's hand,
murdered him, and then,
in the chilling climax, we see the
children of the mutant potato
coming out to exact their
revenge on all of mankind.
Pretty much exactly that.
Other than, I don't know if the
intentions were quite so awful.
I think what happened was
the potato was trying to
make friends with us,
but the first human
it saw was Alex,
who was killing a potato.
And so Alex, unfortunately, essentially
triggered the end of the world.
You're very, very good to work with.
We told him when he opened
the door to look left and right.
And he did up.
Of his own accord.
- Just threw that in for free!
- Absolutely threw it in.
You're a clever little
godson, aren't you?
I'll give him a little tickle.
Joe, Doc and Katherine's
stop-motion film to see.
Worth returning for, probably.
See you after the break.
Hello and welcome back to
the Taskmaster series finale,
with a canal map and a poster of
Jocky Wilson awaiting the winner.
Emotions are running pretty high.
What were we doing, Alex?
Well, Greg dear, before the break,
we were enjoying some
stop-motion animation.
Richard and Jon's 28 Days Tater
genuinely went down pretty well.
It did. Better than we thought
when we wrote this.
Way better!
We are yet to see Joe, Katherine
and Doc's short film. Here it is.
Like a laminate flooring.
La la la la ♪
Walking down the corridor ♪
The state of them skirting
boards. Sickening.
Ah, Mr Spud.
You're a knob, mate.
As alvays, you're in the right
place at the right time, Mr Spud.
Huh?
I know you don't require one
of zees martinis I have here.
Er, if you like.
Because you are already smashed!
Oh, Lord.
Yeah, smashed!
That was a pun, wasn't it?
Yes, it's a pun.
Oh, piss off.
Never mind.
Ugh! I got him.
Pretty sweet Bond parody.
Up until the point that James
Bond, the potato, said,
"Nah, you're a knob, mate."
That was all improvised.
What?
What?!
They did take pretty
much exactly 800 pictures.
Jon and Richard took 1,463 pictures.
It's why it was a much longer work.
Their one was so jerky, though.
Like, the movement of our
potato is crazy smooth, man.
You don't see one tiny hand and one
massive hand constantly appearing.
Know what I mean?
Oh, man! That potato movement
was crazy smooth.
I mean, I think that might
have won you it.
Hang on a minute. You know,
I just wanna see good cinema.
So, for me, it's not about slagging
off other people's work.
I did wonder about the narrative of
the potato, who for no reason
- gets trod on by a high heel at the end.
- Yeah, what was that about?
James Bond films are
often characterised
by a presposterous
ending, aren't they?
No, that just didn't make any sense.
There was no narrative arc whatsoever.
A feminist arc. I will be the first
female potato James Bond.
Yeah.
A feminist arc is of course
what Noah's wife
Bond should die, what with all
the sexual harassment he does.
Yeah, I don't disagree with that.
It's just not in the spirit
of the film, is it?
I thought that both of
the films were superb,
but I think that 28 Days
Tater had the edge.
Three points for all the team
members in that group.
Two points for all the team members
in the Bond group. Done.
OK, it's time for the last pre-recorded
task of the entire series.
Make it a good one.
- I will, I really will.
- Yeah.
We're gonna take it to the bridge.
Heyyy.
Nice.
Hello there!
- Hi, Jon.
- Hello there.
This is lovely.
Aww.
I hope I don't have to make anything.
I'm rubbish at making things.
"Make a bridge over the river
using only items on this table."
"Highest self-supporting
bridge wins." Highest?
"The bridge alone must
support the potato."
"The bridge alone must
support the pony."
Does it definitely say "pony"?
No.
Potato.
You'd think it'd be pony,
wouldn't you?
"You must not touch the
Taskmaster's house."
"You have 20 minutes.
Your time starts now."
That's not a whole lot of time.
All I can use is what's
on this table, right?
Anything on this table, Doc.
OK.
That's real water.
That's quite cool, isn't it?
It's gotta support a potato.
It's quite weighty.
That is the laziest bit of reading
I've seen all series.
You got to the P-O and thought,
"Fuck it. Pony, right?"
Well most people would
have guessed pony.
You don't have to guess.
It's all there.
You've got a sort of in-built
broken predictive text.
I I have to admit,
I jumped ahead.
Let's start with the hipsters.
OK. Katherine, Jon and Doc.
Here we go.
Do you know what that means?
"Debajo de la mesa"?
- Yes, I do.
- Good.
OK. Self-supporting bridge
over the river.
Don't touch the house. Potato.
How many straws does it take
to support a potato?
That age-old question.
That's quite a light potato. He says now.
I know that the strongest
shape is a triangle.
What's the strongest shape?
It's an arch, isn't it?
Strong.
What does this do?
Pointless feature.
It's much weightier than I
first gave it credit for.
I think I might chew these
to make them sticky.
It's gross, isn't it?
I don't like chewing gum.
I don't like it when it comes
out of people's mouths.
Interested to see who goes
for the, uh, chewing gums.
Oh! Very minty.
Too minty.
It's so intense.
My eyes are watering.
Yeah, that's gonna be fine!
OK. Just speed it up, maybe.
I don't think people know that
I'm this smart, you know?
That is disgusting. Sorry, guys.
Eugh! I don't like touching it,
even though it's my mouth.
Such a shit idea.
Lovely.
Now, how do we make that bigger?
So precarious!
Some interbreeding going on here.
Oh, God.
I just don't understand.
I'll measure it from the distance
from the grass, first of all.
I'm persevering with this.
Use his hooves as a kind
of holding area.
Yep, that'll do.
Yeah, I'm happy with that now.
- I couldn't have done better than that.
- No.
- Thank you, Katherine. Great triangles.
- Thanks. See you later.
In all great engineering
meetings around the world,
if the task is "bridge",
the first building material
that the engineers suggest
Rubber.
Well, I don't know if
you know about this,
but I have an education in
urban and city planning.
Ohh.
And I learned about triangles!
You got bad A-levels too, right?
- Yeah.
- Me too.
You know when you lost
that task, Katherine?
You lost it in that moment when you said,
"People aren't ready for how
smart I really am."
Well, I just didn't have
enough triangles.
- It looked great!
- It looked amazing.
- It did look good.
- I thought it was gonna hold.
It did look lovely. Let's have
a look at the bridge.
I mean, the materials
were not there
unless you wanna use
defenceless mammals.
Yeah.
But give me a lot of straws, and I will
blow your mind with triangles.
I'm very frustrated to
have asked if you knew
what "debajo de la mesa" means.
Have you worked it out now?
Yeah, not followed through on that.
What does it mean, Jon?
I think it means "under the table".
Yeah, and you also pressed a button.
I did press a button, and say,
"What a pointless button!"
Do you want to see what
the button does, Jon?
No, not now. I would
have at the time.
Let's have a look,
see what the button does.
What does this do?
Pointless feature.
How many minutes?
You've got three minutes 15.
There's no reason why I'm
disrespecting animals by doing this.
Do you know what that means?
"Debajo de la mesa"?
- Yes, I do.
- Good.
The tools that you have given me
are so helpful and great.
I'm happy with that.
Thank you, Doc.
Alright. Ta-ta.
What the fuck, man.
You know my eyesight is affected
around bridges. You can't
That's outrageous.
It's just, we thought, you know
Straws and rubber bands are useless,
so we put some wood
What was written on the task,
though? 'Cause I think
Didn't the task say you can only
use what's on the table?
- We did say "what's on the table".
- It's attached to the table, though.
We predicted you'd question this, yeah.
Also, we did get in touch
with Susie Dent.
And we know from a previous
episode of the series
how much you respect her opinion.
"On" means "to make physical contact".
"To be in physical contact with",
according to Dent.
That's the first meaning of "on".
Joe's been very quiet.
That's 'cause I absolutely nailed it.
The only skill I had coming into this was
that I can speak a bit of Spanish.
And I translated it in
my head, and thought,
"No, it's just a boat called
Under the Table."
I mean, you were so close
to looking under the table.
I pushed the ff--
Also, you're very nearly
under the table anyway.
You still did get a high bridge.
We can see your bridge.
Do you want it in metric,
or the other one?
In Fruit Pastilles?
In kilometres.
That meant his ended up as
11.4 FPs. Fruit Pastilles.
And, uh, they are the
same as centimetres.
Whereas Doc's was exactly ten FPs.
- Yeah.
- So, Jon, you are in the lead.
Katherine's was one millimetre,
the width of a rubber band.
Right. We're gonna leave Joe and Richard's
bridge-building until after the break.
Join us then for the final
part of the show,
where there'll be one
last live task,
plus the crowning of our
overall series winner.
Exciting, isn't it? See you then.
Hello! Welcome back to
the final part of the
final episode of this
series of Taskmaster.
Myleene Klass has signed a bit of paper
and these guys can't wait to win it.
And who is gonna go home
tonight as series champion?
We'll find out soon, but first,
back to business. Alex?
Yes, Greg. Well, we've been watching
people build a bridge for a potato,
and for once, Jon Richardson is tallest,
with a height of 11.4 centimetres.
But we haven't seen Joe or Richard yet.
And we haven't found out if
either of them have used
any of the equipment we
hid around the room.
Let's find out.
Uh, OK. This is engineering
then, isn't it?
This is the sort of thing where you have
to be good at science at school, right?
We didn't do engineering at my school.
What did you do?
We did a lot of woodwork.
Would you like some wood?
Yeah.
I don't know what to do.
I do not know what to do.
Some clever people will build a house
of cards or something, won't they?
Ah! Ah! Holy shit.
Right, we're off.
OK, now we're building
some structures.
Yeah, these are the future.
Really confident.
Just sort of showboating now.
I can move the canal boat, right?
Yes.
Oh, it's so slow.
Look how slow it is!
This is gonna take me forever.
Do the noise again?
OK, there's a flaw.
Lost confidence again.
Really bummed.
So stressed. I'm really stressed.
I can't help thinking there's
a clever way of doing this.
This is really difficult,
if you're quite thick.
Which, with respect
I am.
I don't know how engineers do it.
This is almost impossible.
How d'you do that arch?
Oh, I'm excited!
There's something in this.
There's strength there now.
There's strength there.
How do we use that?
There's strength in arches.
There is strength in arches.
There is strength
in arches.
Am I missing anything
here on this table
that can be taken up or taken off?
Er uh, uh
I'm properly looking forward to seeing
how people have done this.
Good luck, everybody.
- Thank you, Richard.
- Thanks, everyone.
Wow. Some big shocks.
Some very big shocks there.
Richard Osman, the master
of logic, normally
"There's gotta be a clever
way around this."
"Just chuck it all in
the river, right?"
If there's one thing we all
know about spaghetti,
it's that it's stronger wet.
Richard did end up with an
alright bridge. We can see it.
It's symmetrical, it's
quite satisfying.
It's eight centimetres high.
Yeah, that's all good, but I mean,
let's talk about the
strength in arches.
I think you're destined to
release a fragrance called that.
Yeah.
Just whisper "strength in arches"
down that camera for me.
Strength in arches.
Woo!
- Really beautiful, wasn't it?
- Yeah.
I thought it was subtle,
patient, beautiful.
How tall was it, though?
Well, Richard's was
eight centimetres.
Doc's ten, Jon's 11.
Oh, don't let mine be shit.
Joe's was nine.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
Oh, unbelievable.
I just think your face, though
When you said that,
I would have adopted you.
Yeah.
Oh, we all wanted to hold you then.
It was like being one of those kids
at school that, like, you know
did exams and all that.
Alex, can you tell me
the score updates?
Well, Katherine came
last in that one.
Katherine came last by a long way.
Then it was Richard, Joe, then Doc,
and Jon won that task.
Congratulations.
What's that done
to our scoreboard?
Katherine, the series leader, has slipped
back into second-last place.
Richard, however, is in first
place in this episode so far.
We're soon gonna find out not
only who's won the show,
but also who will go home
with the Taskmaster trophy.
Ooooo.
But to get those results,
we need one more tussle.
Will you all please make
your way to the stage
one last time for the final
task of the series!
This already looks special.
Richard, at last, it's your turn.
- Will you read out tonight's final task?
- Oh, lovely.
- Hello, Richard.
- Hello, Alex. Alright, dude?
It's the first time
I've ever got to
"Put on a pair of food-
handling gloves,
eat a whole banana,
correctly put on a tie,
and clap as many times
as possible."
"All tasks must be completed
within 100 seconds."
"Most claps wins."
I sense an objection coming
from Katherine.
What the fuck?
- Thank you, great reading.
- This-- No--
I didn't listen to the
last bit, because this
is an example of the type
of top-down misogyny
that keeps people like me losing!
I don't know how
to react to that.
Shut up!
Do you not know how
to put a tie on?
No! Let's all put on a tampon,
and then we'll see
I'll put your tie on if
you eat my banana.
I'm married, though, so
that's where it ends.
That's a court case that I'm
prepared to witness for.
Katherine might have a point.
I'm just thinking if there's something--
Hold on, I'll tell you
what I'm gonna do.
I'm gonna read all the words here.
I'm gonna move one comma, and we'll
see if we can sort this out.
Let's go.
"Put on a pair of food-handling gloves,
eat a whole banana correctly,
"put on a tie, and clap as
many times as possible."
Done, surely.
I feel now that I've ruined the task.
No, no, no.
Not at all.
Now we see the trouble that coin
has got us into, don't we?
OK, good luck. You've
got 100 seconds.
Your time starts
One glove on, one glove on.
Two gloves on. Two gloves on!
Go on, Joe.
That's it, tie it.
How's the tie there, Katherine?
- Doesn't matter what order you do it.
- You've only got to put the tie on!
No one has clapped yet.
No one's started clapping.
Not like that! What?
He's off. He's off! He's off!
Are they on? Are these on?
Keep clapping! Come on!
Clap! Clap! Clap!
Faster!
Ten seconds left!
Ten seconds, come on!
Six, five, four,
three, two, one!
I mean, an incredible
performance all round.
Let's bring them down
and work out how
that's affected the final
scores, Alex, please.
Well done, everybody!
A nail-biting conclusion.
Alex, who clapped the least?
Ah, great question! Um
Despite clapping nearly twice
every second, with 192 claps,
Jon Richardson clapped the least.
Surprising.
I just didn't think you'd
count the claps.
We literally had five
people with clickers.
One focusing on each of you.
- Oh, cool.
- Oh, really?
Well, yeah, I stopped at one point
to do my tie up properly.
'Cause I know not everyone
wears a tie, but I think
it's important that those who do,
do it with some
You didn't have to wear it correctly.
You just had to eat the
banana correctly.
And I'm afraid that means that
the hero of this episode,
so nearly winning his first episode,
was disqualified because he
didn't eat his banana correctly.
In fact, he didn't eat his banana.
He is allergic to bananas, though.
We're sort of doing it for
that large body of people
who believe people with food
allergies are just making it up.
Of which I count myself
a proud member.
Alright, I'll eat a banana.
You check my stool tomorrow.
Well, he didn't clap the most anyway.
Alright, well, fuck it then.
He clapped the second most.
So, it was Jon with 192,
and then it was Katherine
Ryan with 221.
Joe Wilkinson, 234.
Doc Brown clapped 237 times,
which means Richard
Osman, 249 claps.
Let's find out who's going
home with the canal map.
The winner's obviously
Mr Richard Osman.
There it is. Richard
Osman is the winner.
Please, Richard, go and
enjoy your prizes!
Thank you.
Before we find out the series winner,
what have we learnt today?
Well, folks, what we've learnt is
No matter what you've done, how long
you've lived, or who you know
Sometimes you just
can't see bridges.
Let's hear it once more for tonight's
winner, Mr Richard Osman!
I'm afraid we're not done here yet.
There's one incredibly important
thing left to do.
Alex has been adding up everyone's
points throughout the series,
and so, finally, the time has come to
reveal who is the overall winner.
And to present them with this
beautiful Taskmaster trophy.
Ooooo!
Alex, over to you, please.
The winner of Taskmaster
series two was
Katherine Ryan!
- Mwah.
- Thank you.
Katherine Ryan!
Well done again to Katherine.
See you next series.
Thank you, folks, and good night!