The Boondocks s02e05 Episode Script

We now return to Thugnificent: Rags to Bitches.
The story of Thugnificent begins here In the projects of Terra-Belle, Georgia, one of the poorest and toughest towns in the country.
Terra-Belle leads Georgia in homicides, infant mortality, AIDS, and everything else bad.
Yeah, you know, in Latin they say "terra belle" means "beautiful earth.
" But in Georgia, Terra-Belle means, "fucked-up place to live.
" Terrible Terra-Belle.
Yes, sir.
That's our name for it.
Now, this right here is where I grew up.
I seen everything, man.
Everything.
I seen a nigga get killed right over there, you know? They beat him up, stomped him, shot the dude, stomped the nigga again, and then I seen 'em take a dump on the dude.
I swear to God, man, they actually, like, shot a deuce on this nigga, man.
You know what I'm saying? They shat on the nigga, man.
And I started thinking to myself: "Man what did he do to make them niggas that mad?" Now, right over here, that's where the police station used to be.
They must not have liked that location, 'cause, uh, they up and left.
So where's the new police station? What? Nigga, there was no more police station after that.
Pigs got the fuck up outta here.
That's when they put this big-ass fence up around the city.
So, what was it like growing up in a place like this? It was hard, you know? A lot of people don't know that places like this even exist in America.
They don't know how dirty the South really gets.
Mm-hm.
Hey.
That's a damn shame.
But that's real shit, though, nigga.
You got naked kids.
Parents gotta choose between food and clothes for their kids, shorty.
Or for themselves.
It's real out here, nigga.
I am the stone The builder refused I am the visual The inspiration That made lady Sing the blues I'm the spark That makes your idea bright The same spark That lights the dark So that you can know Left from right I am the ballot in your box The bullet in the gun The inner glow That lets you know To call your brother sun The story that just begun The promise Of what's to come And I'm 'a remain a soldier Till the war is won Won Chop, chop, chop Judo flip Chop, chop, chop Judo flip Chop, chop, chop Judo flip Chop, chop, chop I think he's in there.
There's probably gonna be a lot of orgies.
That's not true.
I can't believe it.
So exciting.
This is, like, the greatest thing that ever happened in our neighborhood.
Where you can, like, track, like, if someone, like, does anything weird.
What in the hell? What's going on? What's going on? Well, he's moving in.
Who? You should come to more of the community council meetings.
I ain't worried about no damn council meeting.
Tell me who's moving in.
He's coming, you guys.
Everybody get ready.
Oh, my gosh.
Totally, you know.
Like, oh, my gosh.
Get ready, you guys.
You guys, he's coming.
Wait, wait, wait.
I know that song.
Thugnificent.
? Booty-butt, booty-butt Booty-butt cheeks? ? Booty-butt, booty-butt Booty-butt cheeks? ? Booty, booty B-b-b-booty-butt cheeks? Thugnificent! Thugnificent, wait! ? Booty-butt Booty-butt cheeks? Oh, man, Thugnificent and the Lethal Interjections living here.
Thug who? Thugnificent.
I can't believe it.
Wait up.
Wait up.
Yeah All right, Thugnificent.
That's right, y'all.
Put your hands up, white folks, 'cause Thugnificent's in the motherfucking Man, I wanna go over there, but I don't wanna dick ride, you know? Would that be dick riding? You think? To go over there? What it do, Woodcrest? Ha-ha.
What's 'hood in the Wood, white folks? I just wanna say we happy to be out here in our new crib in Woodcrest A'ight.
What if I just go over there and give him a pound, and be like: "What up, Thugnificent?" Like, not really all on his sack or nothing? Yeah.
I'm here for everybody.
Get back here, Riley.
Ah, come on, Granddad.
Oh, no.
I'll be right My house is your house.
All is yours.
I don't want either of you going near that house.
You hear me? I might buy everything.
Know what? Uh, I don't wanna dick ride, so I'm gonna just, uh, go back to the house.
our new crib in Woodcrest, with all these trees and white bitches and lemonade, and bagels and shit.
But you know how we do.
We bring the 'hood with us, right here.
Now let's make it rain.
Yeah.
This is fantastic.
Ha-ha.
Whoo.
That's right, nigga.
I'm about to do it big in Woodcrest.
Right across, I'm gonna put a club.
Uh, next door is gonna be my detail shop.
Nigga, I'm about to clear all this shit out.
Ha-ha.
Welcome to the neighborhood.
Huh? That's right, y'all.
Thugnificent bringing the 'hood to this very street.
Eh-heh.
The ghetto is here, y'all.
Heh.
Ain't this a bitch? Who in the hell left the gate open? 'cause I love it.
Heh.
What up, old nigga? You got some words of welcome for all this thugnificence? Come on over here.
Do it big, man.
Thug out with the homey.
Mm-mm.
Nappy-headed ho's.
Oh, yeah? Well, fuck you, old-ass nigga.
Stop hating and get money, my nigga.
You just mad at all this thugnificence.
Respect it, man.
Breathe it in, nigga.
Bask in it.
Now, where were we? Uh, I don't know.
I- I think it's pretty cool, I guess, having a big celebrity move in.
Well, I don't know much about him, but my two teenage kids are very excited.
You know, they love him.
They have the CD diskettes and the video games and the dungarees with his name on the, um, pocket.
I don't want them damn niggas living across the street from me.
Shoot.
Paid too much money for my house.
Funny-ass music.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Get 'em outta here.
I'm gonna kill this motherfucker.
Thugnificent and his cohorts, Macktastic and Flonominal, formed The Lethal Interjection Crew, and tasted success early with the smash club anthem "Booty-Butt Cheeks.
" Now Thugnificent has a new multimillion-dollar major-label deal, a new house in the suburbs and a new album, Rags to Bitches.
See, Rags to Bitches is more than a album.
I consider it as a movement.
The way I'm looking at it, I'm picking up where Malcolm X left off, nigga.
It's that big.
You know what I'm saying? This is the movement that says, you know: "Don't grow up and act like a fucking fool all the time, "and you can still make it up out the 'hood and enjoy everything that life has to offer.
" It's like somebody threw a million dollars into the monkey cage at the zoo.
It breaks my heart to watch the "negridation" of this decent place.
Well, we can't live next to their kind.
We have kids.
I ain't gonna stand for it.
We were here first.
Right.
What we gonna do? I'd sell my house if I thought it was still worth anything.
Why don't you just invite them over for dinner, and get to know one another? Yeah.
I guess I could do that.
What's happening, nigga? Where the chicken wings and the doughnuts? What the fuck you got to eat in this bitch, nigga?! Mm-mm.
That shit ain't happening.
What the hell going on out here? Hey! Shut up all that damn noise! I'm a old man.
Y'all need to listen to some Nat King Cole and some Johnny Mathis.
No.
Why don't you call her then? That's what I'm talkin' about here.
Hey, hey, hey.
Little homey.
Hulk up, my nigga.
You ain't got no drink? Get some of this incredible hulk, little nigga.
Thanks, man.
Hey, my name is Riley, and I live across the street.
Oh, with the mean old man? Yeah, that's my granddad.
Don't mind him.
He a hater.
Look, I don't wanna be dick riding or nothing, you know.
I just wanna say that I like your music.
And, uh, you know, this is my turf over here, and I'm holding it down for all the young G's.
So, you know, holler at your man if you need anything.
I ain't on your nuts, though.
Oh, man.
Respect, little partner.
Hey, this little nigga's all right, y'all.
Hey! Nigga, get your motherfucking feet off the table.
Your mama taught you better than that, ghetto-ass nigga.
Get your mother- Hey! Who put the motherfucking Kool-Aid in the Jacuzzi? Whoo! So then I say to R.
Kelly, "Did you wash your hands?" Hey, for real? On the real? Yo, this little nigga funny.
Come on.
This little nigga like.
Charlie Murphy or some shit, man.
Hey, man.
This your brother? Hello.
Goodbye.
Yo, nigga.
Your brother told us how you be all into reading and shit.
Hey, that's some real good shit, my nigga, for real.
Congratulations, nigga.
Did you just congratulate me for reading? Word.
Oh, yeah, man, you know, good shit, homey.
Word.
You know what I mean? You know, that reading shit, it's hard, son.
Word.
You know what I mean? Word.
Especially when them books be you know what I mean, you know, really thick and heavy-like, you know what I mean? Word.
You know what I mean? Uh, we're gonna take off.
This doesn't seem to be a place for kids.
The fuck you talking about, man? We got PlayStation and Xbox, nigga.
And we got incredible hulks, nigga.
All the kids is welcome, motherfucker.
Who called me a bitch? Huh? Get your drunk ass outta here.
Ahh! What the fuck? My yard.
Uh, okay.
So that's complaint number 34457-dash-2, regarding excessive noise, people walking around where they don't want them to be, eating outside when they think they should be inside at a table.
Uh-oh.
You filed a complaint against me, old man?! You filed a complaint against Thugnificent? Fine.
It's on now.
Rap beef, nigga.
Punk-ass motherfucker.
Geritol nigga.
Bitch-ass nigga.
Do something, nigga.
Man, fuck that.
I'm 'a stomp him In the nuts Stomp him in the nuts I'm 'a stomp him In the nuts We now return to Thugnificent: Rags to Bitches.
Thugnificent's rags-to-bitches story took an unexpected turn recently when he moved into his first home in the super-elite suburb of Woodcrest.
Several of the black residents filed a complaint to have Thugnificent forced out of the neighborhood.
Let me ask you something.
How did it make you feel knowing that this neighborhood's black residents didn't want you here? Man, that hurt more than anything, you know? To be stabbed in the back by your own people? And for no reason? Man, we been good neighbors.
Superb, homey.
Exemplary.
I feel sorry for 'em, though, 'cause they must have forgot where they came from.
You don't know where I came from.
I'm from a small town called Whip a Rapper's Little Narrow Country Ass.
And you- Hey.
Put that camera back over here.
I ain't finished my damn line.
And y'all are making me homesick.
There, now stick that up your ass.
Eat a dick, old man.
You fucking-ass, punk, old pussy-ass man.
Eat a sack of baby dicks, motherfucker.
Yo, welcome back, welcome back.
It's your boy, T.
Let's get into something brand new, the club banger, "Eff Granddad" by my man- That's my boy, my friend, Thugnificent.
You know what it is.
Fatman Scoop on the radio right here.
New Thugnificent, "Eff Granddad," the first dis record against somebody's family member.
And it's got my main man, Nate "Doggity" Dogg, on the hook.
Check it out.
You're just mad 'Cause your ass is old Old motherfucker First thing you do Is just pick up the phone Eat a dick, nigga.
Lethal Interjection Living next to your home Motherfucking grandpa Old nigga, it's on Old motherfucker Lethal Interjection Versus one old nigga He picked up the phone Now my finger's On the trigger Snitching Ain't the thing to do So now me and my crew Gonna show the block How to handle this fool He's just hatin' 'Cause we went From rags to riches To baddest bitches Somebody need to ask these snitches Why they talking to police No justice, no peace My house is paid for No rent, no lease You're just mad 'cause Your ass is old Yeah.
First thing you do Is just pick up the phone Snitch.
Lethal Interjection Living next to your home Motherfucking grandpa Old nigga, it's on Money, money Money, money You're just mad 'Cause your ass is old You old motherfucker First thing you do Is just pick up the phone Snitch, nigga, nigga Nigga Lethal Interjection Living next to your home Motherfucking grandpa Old nigga, it's on Yeah.
Soul, nigga.
Uh.
This old man He played fool Now his ass is grass For dropping dimes on my crew The only reason That I pack a strap Is that I knew This old nigga was fouled Like Hack-a-Shaq A-Shaq This is the type of heat That when they start Playing it Old folks should get Their ass whupped For acting all gay and shit Nigga.
? You done crossed the line ? See, it don't cost a dime Somebody toss my 9 You're just mad 'Cause your ass is old Yo, that was crazy.
What in the hell was that? Was that about me? Man, tell me you didn't think that was hot.
Oh, wait, wait.
Let me guess.
You gonna hate on it just 'cause they was talkin' about you.
You need to stop with the hate crimes, Granddad.
That wasn't even me.
That was that nigga from Friday, dressed like me.
I'll sue.
You might wanna go over there and talk to them before this gets outta hand.
You know what? Fuck them.
They can make all the silly little videos they want.
When the council vote on my complaint, they'll be out of the neighborhood.
Dang, Granddad.
Heh.
I always knew you was a hater, but I never thought you'd be famous for it.
Goodbye, Thugnificent.
Tom.
Oh, uh- Heh-heh.
Hey, Robert.
But, Tom, you filed the complaint with me.
Yeah.
Then I thought about it, and I just went over there and met the guys.
And turns out they're not so bad.
A little country, maybe, you know.
They use the word "thar" instead of "there.
" But, Tom.
I thought we were in this together.
Yeah.
I know.
Me too.
This is really uncomfortable, so I'm just gonna mosey.
Mm-hm.
Hello? Yo, this X.
Who's this? Uh, hey, there.
This is, uh, Granddad.
Uh, you did some work on my car? Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
You talking about the Granddad from the Thugnificent song? Oh-ho, shit.
Man, that's my shit right there.
Man, I love that song.
They roasted you.
Man, how'd it go? How'd that go? ? Oh, you're just mad 'Cause your ass is old? Man, they killed you.
Yeah, see, that's actually why I'm calling.
See, I'm gonna make my own rap about Thugnificent and embarrass him.
Hey, yo.
You never gonna guess who on the phone.
And did you know that fool parked cars on my yard? I'm gonna rap about that too.
So, uh, XYZ, uh, whatever your name is, I was wondering if you would be interested in rapping with me on this song? See, I'll rap first, and you can come in and rap second.
But no curse words.
And none of them crazy metaphors: "Your breasts look like two mountains.
" None of that garbage.
Just stick to the point.
Can you turn me up in the headphones? Granddad, you're only making things much, much worse.
Oh, hush, boy.
I can rap.
Big Tank, please make it hot, player.
Yeah, this rap go out to Punknificent and all his fans.
? Yeah, yeah? ? Old Punk-ass-nificent Never went to high school? ? That's why he's? ? A mother-mother-mother Mother fool? ? Momma was a fool? ? Daddy was too? ? You wanna be Like Thugnificent? ? Don't go to school, fool? Yeah, yeah, yeah This motherfucker went to YouTube? No, this nigga didn't.
It's really on now.
Oh, hell no.
This little fucking bitch-ass, old-ass nigga.
Hey, yo, word to mother Hello? Oh, hey, hey, Mom.
What's-? What's going on, Ma? Ma I ain't threaten no old people.
Come on, Ma.
That ain't even my style, Ma.
This little old dude, Ma.
Just one.
Ma, I really need to call you back, please.
'Cause I do.
Mom, I'm in a meeting.
Mommy.
Can I call you back, please, Ma? Oh, okay, okay, cool.
I will.
I'm gonna call you back, Mommy.
I love you too.
Hey, are we gonna fuck this old-ass nigga up? Now, you know, I don't hate old people.
Just sometimes you gotta let 'em know not to get it twisted.
Just 'cause you lived a long life, don't mean it can't come to a short end, nigga.
What's up, world? This is Sway.
Law enforcement sources have confirmed that two Cleveland teens have been arrested for assaulting this man while reciting the lyrics to Thugnificent's hit, "Eff Granddad.
" One of the teens reportedly told police: "I beat up old people "because Thugnificent does it, and that makes it cool.
" It wasn't the last incident.
Recently, a rash of elderly assaults attributed to the beef, have broke out, including two in Lithuania and one in Tokyo.
The AARP announced a boycott of Thugnificent's record label.
It's feared that the protest could soon explode into more violence.
Man, Thugnificent ain't telling nobody to beat up no old people.
I don't see how someone could get something like that outta that song.
Thugnificent is talking about what he's going through, so maybe a young person listening won't have to go through the same shit.
You smell me? You know, people always wanna- You know what I mean? Ladies and gentlemen, what started as a simple disagreement between neighbors has devolved into senseless, ignorant, self-destructive generational tribalism.
Fortunately, a robust exchange of ideas has taken place, and we are hopeful to having a resolution shortly.
Thank you.
He lets me whup him, we can call it even.
What's a nigga want? Try to whup me.
Whup your ass, nigga.
You know who you messin' with, nigga? Would somebody here please be an adult? You're neighbors.
You have to live together.
Hey, man, you know what? Somebody here needs to be an adult.
We're neighbors.
We have to learn to live together.
Yeah.
Exactly.
Exactly.
That's what I'm talking about.
That's a really grown-up way to look at it, Thugnificent.
Not that I'm pole-jocking or nothing.
Hey, everybody good in here? Beverages? What about you, big guy? You good? Hey.
Let me get that for you, homey.
Any of y'all need a coaster? Let me go get y'all these coasters, right quick.
Now, old man, we feel like we been very courteous neighbors.
Courteous.
What about the loud party? Nigga, you gave us permission to have that party.
That's not my signature.
Hey, uh, I think I'm gonna go whip y'all up a little snack or something.
Who's up for guacamole? I make some mean guacamole Well, what about parking all those damn cars on my yard and ruining my lawn? Man, how was we to know valet was parking cars on your yard? Niggas was passed out by then.
We was fixing to come over and apologize.
But then you had to go off filing complaints and doing all that old gay shit.
You know what hurts? You didn't respect us enough as homeowners to just talk things out in a neighborly fashion.
That's a really powerful sentiment you just expressed right there, Thugnificent.
Well, what about all that stuff in the video, huh? Oh, nigga, that was just entertainment.
You being real sensitive right now, man.
Yeah, man.
Anybody could see that that was a satirical ass-beating.
Granddad, if you apologize to Thugnificent for filing the complaint, then I'm sure, Thugnificent, you will be willing to apologize for the video.
Hell, no, I ain't apologizing, punk-ass nigga.
Kiss my ass, old-ass nigga.
Wait, wait, wait, wait! Please.
Stupid-ass Can we at least agree, for the sake of old people everywhere, that there will be no more dis records? Fine, whatever.
I spits hot fire.
I'll eat your ass up on the M-I-C, if you keep messing with me.
You gonna pay for my lawn, boy.
Eat a dick, old nigga.
Yeah, you know, what Rags to Bitches means is that there's more to life than what you're born into.
There's also bitches.