The Conners (2018) s02e05 Episode Script

Ah, I see you moved my desk over by the window.
Great.
Now if I want to jump out, I don't have that long walk across the office to change my mind.
Yeah, I just thought for, you know, the time being, it'd be better if we don't look at each other, you know, because of your lying eyes.
I want you to know that this is killing me, all right? I've been crying for the last 24 hours.
Every time I think about what I did, I feel sick.
Oh, hey, look, I know this is hard on you, too.
Can I get you a cup of tea, an aspirin, maybe somebody to sleep with behind my back? Tea sounds nice.
I am not getting you tea! Look, this is really hard.
I-I just don't know what I'm supposed to do to make things better.
You can't, okay? So, let's just focus on the work.
- Great.
- Okay.
Here.
This needs to be rewritten.
Wait.
I turned this in last week.
You said it was fine.
Yeah, that was last week.
But now it's lacking honesty, truth, integrity, morality, loyalty.
All right, I think we have two options here you can either beat up on me all day or we can get some work done.
Ooh, I'm an excellent multitasker.
I'll just quit.
Hey, you know what? I thought I was handling this pretty well, okay? This guy he got cheated on, threw his wife's prosthetic leg in the Chicago River.
Sure, but if you read further, you'll see that he forgave her, and now they're currently out shopping for a new leg.
Oh! Guess what I just saw! Better not be another baby dressed as a Chicago dog.
- This was a lot of work.
- Ohh.
There's so much stuff on it, you can barely taste the baby.
Aww.
No, I was walking past the Chinese place that used to be the Lunch Box, and I saw a "for lease" sign in the window.
They're going out of business! Well, I'm happy you're finding joy in the fact that a nice family's dreams have been crushed.
Boy, did you need a win.
The point is, the Lunch Box is for lease.
I mean, those were the best years of my life.
Would it be crazy to open it up again? Are you really considering that? Yeah, I've been searching for something that's gonna make me happy, and bam! I saw the "for lease" sign, and it hit me.
I've been looking to the future for answers, but all my happiness is behind me.
We all thought you knew.
And it came to me that you've got all this restaurant experience now, so you could help me run it.
Seriously? Yeah.
We would get the whole family involved.
That's what made it so wonderful to begin with.
We all got together, and we had one purpose to make Roseanne happy.
And now it would be to make me happy.
If it works, I could be my own boss.
That would make things so much easier.
You could bring Little Bev to work.
Oh, my God, we could put her on the hostess stand and make her the hostess.
When a baby says there's a 20-minute wait, you don't get mad.
It's a baby.
They'll be lined up around the block, everybody waiting to make me happy.
You have enough money to open a restaurant? Yeah, I got a chunk put away.
I made a lot as a trucker, and then there's the money I got from that settlement when my boob got stuck in that elevator door.
Well, we'll do a deep dive on that later.
Uh, but if I hear you correctly, you're gonna be putting in all the money - and taking all the risk.
- I am.
- Well, I'm in! - Oh! Good! - Aaaah! - Whoo! "The Conners" is filmed in front of a live studio audience.
Hey, you're home early.
You can watch your own kids, and I can take some me time.
I could read a book, write a letter to an old friend, or, better yet, drink beer and watch that video of the monkey washing the cat.
I had to get out of the office.
It's really hard to be around Ben now.
Why? What happened? I slept with David and Ben at the same time.
All together? No.
Separately.
Better.
Still not good.
What were you thinking? David wanted to get back together, and I didn't know who to pick.
And then David dumped me.
Ben found out about David.
Then Ben dumped me, too, and now Ben hates my guts.
Aw, honey, of course he hates you.
I-I knew it was wrong to play two guys, but I just couldn't find a way out of it.
It's so true what they say it's hard out here for a pimp.
Yeah, this is a tough one.
You may not be able to fix this.
Please don't say that.
I love Ben.
I have to fix this.
Oh, I'm sure he still loves you.
You don't get over that overnight.
Just try and remind him of why you guys were so great together.
I mean, we'd rip on each other until one of us took it too far, and then we'd have sex.
Hmm.
Your mom and I liked pie.
Hey, you guys.
Mary wanted to show you her princess costume before the Halloween parade.
I'm not a princess.
I'm a queen.
Yeah, you are.
Your Majesty.
You know, a bunch of stores on the block are giving out candy.
You have any Halloween treats? Uh, we really don't do anything special.
How about if I get you vanilla ice cream and yell "Boo!"? I'll take one, too, but no "Boo.
" I mean, even if I know it's coming, I'll scream a little.
That lady is staring at me.
It's 'cause you're so pretty.
I just had to tell you she is so adorable.
Thanks.
Have a nice day.
It's great, what you're doing.
I mean, if more people adopted, it'd be a better world.
I'm not adopted.
He's my dad.
Well, of course he is, sweetheart.
You're a doll.
Happy Halloween.
I want to go.
Sure you don't wanna wait for your ice cream? No.
Sorry.
Uh, we gotta go.
Mary.
Becky.
This is James.
He's the real-estate agent I was telling you about.
Nice to meet you.
Hi.
So, James, what you got for us? Well, I did the research on the old Lunch Box property I don't know if Jackie told you, but she and I dated back when I first got - my real-estate license.
- Oh.
Yeah, this guy right here.
A lot of keys to a lot of empty properties.
Fun for a while.
You know, it might have been nice to throw in a dinner every now and then.
Ooh, yeah.
You're right.
Well, why don't I take you to dinner and we'll catch up on old times? Well, the thing is, James, I'm still dealing with a pretty bad breakup.
I got cheated on.
They say that time heals all, but they don't say how much time, you know, in emotional years.
Oh, my God, my baby's in college.
Can we get on with this? Right.
Well, I was unable to find the terms of the lease, so we'll just have to contact the property owner, which would be Beverly Harris.
No.
That's my mom.
No.
That's old info.
She used to own the place, but she sold it a long time ago.
Mm, nope.
As of today, she still owns it.
Say what, now? If that's true, she's been collecting rent checks this whole time while crying poverty and living with you.
My God, that's horrible, even for her.
Finally! Somebody else gets it.
When you see me on the news smiling and covered in blood, you'll go, "Oh, okay.
" Hey, how was the parade? It was okay.
Hey, Mark, why don't you and Mary go upstairs and play for a few minutes while I talk to your mom? I haven't vacuumed in a few days, but sure, I can have company.
She didn't seem all that thrilled.
Something happen? This woman at Casita Bonita was staring at her.
She didn't think Mary was my kid.
Ah, that really sucks, Deej.
But you are pretty white, kinda like Casper the stupid ghost.
Friendly ghost.
Yeah, I know what I said.
You just gotta remind Mary that it doesn't matter what other people say.
She's a Conner, and the only opinions that matter are the ones in this family and the ones in her heart.
Wow.
How come I never got good advice like that? I just got, "You're a little freak, so get used to it.
" No, that's what you heard.
What we said was, "Don't be surprised if people think you're a little freak.
" It just makes me so mad when people don't think I'm part of this family.
They don't stare when my mom's around.
You can't stop people from staring.
When I first noticed people staring at me for wearing skirts, I got this big speech from my mom about how I should celebrate my differences and be the bigger person.
Did you do that? Did it help? Yep.
And nope.
It still hurts.
Great.
But what does help is when I stare back at them with this big, scary smile.
Really? Yeah, it makes them all freaked out.
I just stare back until they have to look away, like this.
All right.
"Ripped" Van Winkle is calling it.
Halloween is officially over.
After 9:00, it's just stoned teenagers wearing parkas.
Not a costume.
Uh, I still don't get your costume.
You're just Becky? No.
I'm Becky before the baby.
I took your advice, and I have been thinking about all the things that made me and Ben so great together.
We both love to verbally spar and we both like dark humor, so I just ordered him a pair of boxing gloves and a copy of "Fargo.
" Cool.
I'm gonna miss Ben.
What? Here's a rule of thumb for a meaningful gesture you have to get your ass off the couch in order to do it.
I'm lost here.
I usually have the moral high ground.
The view from down here sucks.
Look, you cheated on him.
It's gonna be hard for him to trust you.
You just have to find a way to show him that he is the only man in your life.
So, basically, I have to kill David? I'm not telling you what to do.
But, yeah, something romantic like that.
Ah, do-doo, doo-do-do-doo-do Aaah! I didn't expect to see you there! You almost gave me a heart attack! You can't be attacked by something that you don't have.
Well, now I know I'm in the right place.
You lied to me, Mother.
You still own the Lunch Box.
You've been collecting rent from it for years.
I let you move in here because you told me you had nothing.
I didn't want to tell you about it because I wanted to be able to leave something for all of you when I go, especially for you, Little Bev! But you're never going to die.
You're just going to change form! Well, we want to leave something for everybody, too, Grandma, which is why Jackie and I want to re-open the Lunch Box.
Oh, the Conners and their dreams.
If your mother and Jackie couldn't make it work, what makes you think you can? I have a lot of great ideas.
Oh, sweetie, I know you're doing better right now, but, really, you're an alcoholic.
Look, I was trying to be nice, ya old bat, but now I am changing my baby's name.
What was Dad's mother's name? Oh, you wouldn't dare name your baby after that lunatic.
- Audrey.
- Audrey! Before you do anything drastic, you should know that anything to do with the Lunch Box is not my decision anyway.
What are you talking about? My mind isn't as a sharp as it used to be.
The other day, I forgot the password to my phone.
I thought it was "phone," but it was "password.
" At any rate, I gave power of attorney to Darlene.
She makes all my financial decisions.
- Darlene?! - You what?! - What?! - I'm your daughter.
I'm the one who should be making all of your decisions! If I'm afraid to make bad decisions, why would I want you to make them? I can't believe Darlene didn't tell me.
All right, that's it.
Pack your bags.
Get the hell out of my apartment.
I don't care if you live on the street.
Jackie.
Where on Earth is all this coming from? Come on.
Come on.
Becky, Audrey.
And I'm warning you you better not be here when I get back.
I'm never speaking to you again.
Well, someone has got to help me get my suitcase down! All right, but after this, I am never speaking to you again.
Hey.
Trick or treat.
If you're not here to work, I don't need the interruption.
Sorry.
I-I had something to show you that can't wait until tomorrow.
So, actions speak louder than words, right? These are my divorce papers, and I'm gonna sign them right here in front of you.
Excuse me.
Y-You weren't divorced? You were still married the entire time we were together? I didn't mention that? I'm sure I mentioned that.
I was planning a future with you.
You don't think it's important to tell me that you're still married? Look, I-I didn't even see David for nine years.
I didn't think of myself as married.
I was too busy raising my kids on my own, working, trying to scratch out a living.
You're really playing the single-mom card? It depends.
Is it working? No? Okay.
Look.
Here, here, I-I'm signing it.
Uh, this is not a sign of anything.
I really want to do this.
Don't you have one working pen here? Oh, you're right.
It's all my fault.
Look, I-I-I'm trying to make things right here.
It certainly can't be a bad thing that I'm getting divorced.
Here.
Okay.
I guess it does say something that you dumped him and are now divorcing him.
You know, you're probably gonna enjoy hearing the most humiliating part of all of this.
David actually dumped me.
He dumped you? So So, you didn't choose me.
You were left with me.
Oh, no.
No, no, no.
I-I went to the couples therapist to break up with him, and then You went to a couples therapist? So, what, you were trying to fix it? What if I kill David as a romantic gesture? Hello, Darlene.
May we have a minute of your time? Um, if this is an intervention, I don't drink that much, and my sex addiction seems to have cleared up on its own.
Uh, ever since you were a kid, I've considered you to be the most level-headed and honest person in the Conner family.
I'm hurt by that.
But, actually, so did I.
Where is this going? Why didn't you tell me that Bev gave you her power of attorney? She told you that? She swore to me on her life that she wouldn't.
And you believed her?! She's a liar! What has happened to you? You're hiding an affair, and now you're hiding this from me? No.
This is different.
I was trying to do the right thing for an old woman.
Plus, I was a single mom with two kids trying to scratch out a living.
All right.
Never mind.
I-I-I was wrong.
I should have told you.
Okay.
I'm willing to give you the benefit of the doubt.
You just sign the Lunch Box over to me, and then, uh, Becky and I can re-open the restaurant.
Well, why do you want to re-open the Lunch Box? It didn't work the last time.
It's gonna be different this time.
I'm gonna help Jackie run it.
Since I got sober, my smarts have kicked back in.
Yeah.
So, you look exhausted.
Just write me a note saying you're turning it over to me and then sign it and date it and and then go to bed.
W I can't do this right now.
I-I have to think about it.
There's nothing to think about.
The Lunch Box belongs to me.
Um, no.
The Lunch Box belongs to all of us, and I have to think about what's best for the whole family.
No, I've put up with that horrible woman my entire life, attacking me and tearing me down every chance she got "You're not good enough.
What'd you do with your hair? You walk like a man.
" Well, she won't be saying that when I'm carrying her cheap casket to the incinerator.
I've earned this, Darlene.
Okay, look, I-I'm not saying no, all right? I-I just have a responsibility to do the right thing, and I'm not gonna make a decision while I'm half-asleep and being pressured.
Don't talk to them, Darlene.
They're insane.
Oh, and I'm moving in.
O-kay.
Uh, not speaking to you, and until you do what's right, you're dead to me, Darlene.
I would storm out, but I live in the basement.
It's just you and me now.
I so hope you're haunting me.
Please be your ghost.
I'm living here now! What the hell happened? Jackie is mad at me, so she put me out on the street.
Then why aren't you out on the street? Oh, Dan, since you're up, would you go in the kitchen and get me a glass of water for my teeth? How can you take down your prey without your teeth? So, I'm a predator of some sort now? Not a predator.
The Predator.
- Oh? - From the movie.
Oh, I've never seen that.
We'll have to watch it together.