The Epic Tales of Captain Underpants (2018) s02e05 Episode Script

1 This is George Beard and Harold Hutchins.
Er, no, it's not.
This is George Beard and Harold Hutchins.
George is the kid on the left with the tie and the flat top.
Harold is the one on the right with the T-shirt and the bad haircut.
Remember that now.
Check out the Rank Tank.
Melvin's still number one.
And we're still below the good grades line.
Not for long.
Compliments, my friend.
Once we compliment Ms.
Ribble, she'll give us good grades.
Then, Lake Summer Camp, here we come! Compliments solve everything.
Just like on The Schmoozer! I'm going to harpoon the city! Nice mustache! - Aw, you think so? Aw! - Super bushy.
And here she comes.
- Hey, Ms.
Ribble.
Nice mustache.
- Super bushy! - What? That's gonna cost you! - Oops.
Maybe we should stop copying stuff on television.
So George and Harold make comic books - We're cool! - Me, too! But they had a mean, old principal Who told them what to - Blah, blah, blah, blah - So they got a hypno-ring And first, they made him dance Then, accidentally, kinda on purpose Turned him into Captain Underpants Tra-la-la! With a snap, he's the Captain Not the brightest man And don't forget, when he gets wet - You're back when you began! - Blah, blah, blah Put it all together What could possibly go wrong? Now this is the end Of the Captain Underpants song! - By George Beard and Harold Hutchins - Tra-la-la! "The Dastardly Deeds of The Devious Diddlysaurus.
" Chapter 1, Bad Credit.
Well, I ran the numbers, and they just don't add up.
Those are just random numbers.
The point is, there's no way to raise our grades enough to get us to summer camp.
I hear you get to fly fighter jets there.
- Okay, Hot Sauce, light them up! - Roger that, Relish.
Targets locked.
Firing water balloons.
Okay, class, we're starting a new unit on dinosaurs today.
And for anyone interested in boosting their grade, whoever submits the best dinosaur project wins extra credit.
What's extra credit? You do extra work, like a book report, to raise your grade.
Extra work is my specialty.
But then, what isn't? I'm great.
Great.
Great.
Great.
Well, that's not happening.
Extra work is worse than regular work.
And book reports are the worst.
True, but what if we did a comic book report? So good.
Chapter 2, Captain Underpants and the Jokey Jokeasaurus.
By George Beard And Harold Hutchins.
So, one day, this scientist guy wanted to write a dinosaur book.
So he went to the time machine store, rented a time machine, and went back to dinosaur times in a machine, ba-zip! Tinkle-tinkle-tinkle warp! When he got there, sure it was like jungly and smelled like eggs.
But the dinosaurs weren't all, "skarr" and "boo-weep" and "ya-kak-kak-kak" like animal noises.
They could talk and were like us.
They had mini-golf and pizza places and snack bars, and even bad stuff like overdue books from the library and stuff.
Then the scientist met a dino named Diddlysaurus, who loved to prank and talk like "squee-bop" and "diddly-boo".
He knew all the best pranks, like putting mayo in a donut, gag, and hiding all the furniture in the garage.
"Where's my chair?" Bonk! Then Diddly wanted to borrow the time machine.
Scientist said, "No way, nuh-uh.
" So Diddly pulled the old, "Hey, look! What's that over there and stuff" prank, and stole the time machine anyway.
Ba-zip! Tinkle-tinkle-tinkle warp! Diddly went to ancient Egypt and turned the pyramids upside down and King Arthur's Court, and tied their shoelaces together.
Clonk! He went to, like, old Italy and scared Mona Lisa, and tickled her elbow.
Then he got to, like, now, and he switched out all the ham with balloons at the mini-golf snack bar.
But Captain Underpants was there! He'd ordered a ham sandwich, and he goes, "Wait, what? I don't want ham and balloon! You've crossed the tra-la-line, tra-la-lizard!" Captain Underpants pulled out a bunch of underwear, tied them into an under-whip.
"Let's get slappy!" Ka-swap! And it was on like a mastodon.
Tighty-whitey versus Taily-whaley! But Diddly smacked him with his tail back into the snack bar, and he smashed into the Freezilee Slush Bucket machine.
Splort! Mm! Cherry-ish! Then as Diddly got real skiddly-bop close, Captain Underpants blasted him with the Freezilee Slush Bucket machine, and stopped him cold! Bwaize! Like ice cold! Freezilee! But, mm, cherry-ish! Ice cold Diddly slid all the way down a hill and splash! Floated away in a river to nowhere.
Tra-la-la! The End.
I know you're not supposed to toot your own horn, but toot-toot! So, do we get the extra credit? And did you say toot your own horn butt? No.
You're getting extra discredit.
Dinosaurs didn't talk, eat pizza or play mini-golf.
Behold! Aw, man.
Melvin figured out the secret formula for making ice! - He's for sure gonna win.
- No, you two-legged chair.
I excavated this sample from Piqua Glacier.
And when it thaws tomorrow, I'll have an actual dinosaur! - So? - And you won't.
And the extra credit will keep me at the top of the Rank Tank! Melvin's number one! Melvin's number one! - Melvin's number one! - Oh, yeah? Well, we've got something amazing, too.
So amazing it's impossible to describe! - Well, what is it? - It's impossible to describe! It may seem like that bothers me, but it does not.
Why didn't you tell me we had something amazing? 'Cause we don't.
All we have is a failed comic book.
Wait.
What if we copy what happened in our comic? We borrow Melvin's Time Toad, go back to prehistoric time, and bring back a live dinosaur before Melvin's dino thaws.
Yes! The simplest plans work best.
You're being ridiculous.
George and Harold can't subvert your scholastic supremacy.
Wrong! George and Harold have a history of accidentally succeeding.
And always at my expense! Sweet pumpkin pie, you're right! No one fails upwards like those two! - Krupp! - Got rid of that ant hill like you asked.
Because I fell on it.
My skin is on fire.
That's nice, but we have a task for you.
Consider it a promotion.
I'm gonna be principal again? What? No! I'm the principal! You're the vice principal.
We want you to spy on George and Harold, find out what they're up to and stop them from succeeding.
So principal? No! You're still sharing a desk with Ms.
Anthrope.
What? She's washing socks in a bucket! I'm out.
- We'll give you a new parking spot.
- I'm in.
Good.
And get rid of those ants.
What are you What ants? Where? Chapter 3, A Krupp in Kid's Clothing.
How did Melvin not think of this? I mean, it's his time machine! Good question, but let's not pull that thread.
Hello, fellow kids! Mr.
Krupp? Who's Mr.
Krupp? I'm just a kid.
A real kid.
Like you.
Now let's slappy hands like us kids do.
There! So, what's on the docket, chums? Mischief making? Huh? A general lack of respect for the rules? Whatever it is, I'm game, because I'm a kid as you can clearly see.
Listen to my young giddy laugh.
Actually, we were gonna drop rocks on our feet.
Yeah, you know how kids love dropping rocks on their feet.
'Cause you're a kid, right? Ha! Boy, do I! Hold me back.
Ow, ow! Oh! Be right back, kids like me.
Ow, ow, ow.
Time to get us a dinosaur.
Hello, Time Toad! Welcome to the Jurassic Period.
Whoa! I mean, I know we've been turned into clay, and battled a talking fart, - but this is amazing.
- Yep.
So, which one should we take home with us? - How about that big one? - Perfect.
- We've made a huge mistake! - Go, go, go! Oh! Why'd we think they'd be friendly? They're trying to eat us! We gotta get back and stop Melvin from defrosting the dino! That thing could be alive! We could all get eaten.
But in the panic to escape, George and Harold didn't notice their comic book, falling out of Harold's pocket and landing innocently on the ground.
Soon, your icy shell will thaw, my Cretaceous comrade, and the extra credit will be mine.
The dawn of a new age begins at dawn.
- Melvin! - Ah, the witless wonders.
You can't thaw that dino! Dinosaurs are ferocious monsters who want to kill us and eat us! Puh-shaw! Did you just say, "puh-shaw?" Dinosaurs have brains the size of peas while my brain is the size of ripe cantaloupe.
That primitive beast will do whatever I say.
- No, Melvin, it's - Save it.
I know you're trying to get in my head to foil my extra credit.
If we're gonna save Piqua and everyone in it, we're gonna have to take that dino-sicle back to the glaciers ourselves.
Man, this is heavy! Let's just take it there tomorrow.
Those two are up to something.
And when I figure out what it is, I'll be parking in paradise.
Oh, Kruppy, if it weren't for this parking spot, we never would have met, and later married and opened a joint checking account.
I know.
- What's this? - Mm? A kid driving a car? Not in my town.
That fan will keep the ice cold until the glacier opens in the morning.
Cool.
Let's watch Screaming Things while we wait.
Whoa! You guys! Did you hear that? Good call.
But we had to unplug the TV to use the fan.
Because for some reason, we only have one outlet.
Come on, we'll just watch one episode and plug the fan back in.
Okay.
But just one episode.
Okay, just one more.
Hmm.
Just one more? Just one more! I did not see that last scream coming.
Nope.
Wait, there's another episode? - Please don't eat us! - Yeah, we taste like old ham! - Gotcha! - Huh? Oh, man.
I pranked you guys so good.
- You talk? - When I'm not scatting.
Like this! - And you prank? - Best in the business.
I'm Diddly.
Last name, Saurus.
Wha? Wait, y-y-y-you're George Beard and Harold Hutchins? You know who we are? Jokey Jokesaurus? We based our whole world on this thing.
You taught us to talk, play mini-golf, make pizza.
Prank! That's right.
When George and Harold dropped that comic book, it became a magical book of knowledge for dinosaurs, changing everything about them, including the historically inaccurate fact of them being trapped in ice.
- Are you thinking what I'm thinking? - That we made dinosaurs smart? And we're totally gonna win the extra credit! - How? Diddly is Melvin's dinosaur.
- Whoa-ho-ho! Hold up.
Diddly ain't anybody's dino but Diddly's.
So, you'll help us? Anything for you guys.
Just one small favor in return.
It would be a dream come true if I could do a prank with you.
Deal? Deal.
But you're gonna need a disguise.
I mean, if people see a dinosaur, they'll call the cops.
And I've got the perfect disguise.
Really? A hat? That's the perfect disguise? Yup.
It's like he's invisible.
Okay, guys, let's pick our prank targets, and let the good times roll.
Hey, kids like me! Giggle-giggle.
I'm a kid.
And you're a dinosaur! No.
He's a kid.
But only a kid would know that.
You think I don't know that? Of course I know that.
Kid.
Um, uh, duh! Kids say that! You know that's a grown man in disguise, don't you? - Yes.
- No.
No-wuh.
See, kid talk? No-wuh.
Oh, our mistake.
In that case, you'll probably wanna audition for that Freezilee Slush Bucket commercial like all the other kids.
Yes.
Yes, I do.
Ooh! Freezilee Slush Bucket! Giggle-giggle.
Freezilee makes it more gooder! Sophie One, you're doing a great job.
Other Sophie, you're brushing like an animal.
Sophie One, spray me.
My hair has a flat.
Diddly's Devious Deflater.
I usually use it on tires.
Diddly's Dirty Decaf.
It's actually just dirt.
Hmm? "Employees must wash hands.
" Yeah, like that ever happens.
We should probably change that.
"Wash tushy here.
" Much better.
And now for the grand finale Just a few of these Diddly's Dinorhea Drops, and it's Huh? What does that mean? Everyone gets diarrhea.
And I locked all the bathroom doors! Uh, no way, Diddly.
Locked bathroom doors? Too much.
You crossed the line.
Crossed the line! What? I've based my whole life on your book.
I'm following your lead.
Hey, you made me this way! Plus, we had a deal.
No pranks, no extra credit.
- Then the deal's off.
- Yeah, we're out.
Man.
Never meet your idols.
It's always a disappointment.
Great, there goes our extra credit.
Unless we go to Piqua Glacier and find another dino.
Yes! - My My dinosaur's gone! - Are you sure? Well, I'll need to run some tests Yes, I'm sure! How are you me? Melvin! Other Melvin! Why are you dressed like the embodiment of 19th century privilege and wealth? I'm posing as a child to get intel on George and Harold.
Ugh, I hate costumes.
They're like lies that you wear.
What is it, you beknickered aristocrat? We're in crisis mode.
Someone stole Melvin's dinosaur.
I wonder if that has anything to do with the dinosaur George and Harold are walking around with? Huh? Huh? - What? - Do I get my new parking spot now? Get out! I need another dinosaur! Dinosaurs! We found them! That was way too easy.
Yeah, I can't believe somebody else didn't find these.
Someone else did find them.
Melvin? Here to steal another dino from me? Well, think again, kidiots.
- That's a combination of kid and idiot.
- Yeah, we get it.
Good.
Now marvel at my new invention, the Thaw and Order 2000.
Pretty sure that's a hair dryer.
Yes, but I added two more settings! And when this ice melts, I'll have three dinosaurs, which is three times more than you have! Sorry, did you say, "three times more dinosaurs"? Because I ran the numbers and they do not add up.
Sorry, I can't hear your brain atrophy over my Thaw and Order 2000.
- There goes our extra credit.
Again.
- Yeah.
And summer camp.
Just in case you forgot what this whole crazy caper is all about.
Ha! And you said dinosaurs were ferocious killing machines.
Fools! - Think they're smart like Diddly? - Hope so.
If not, we had a good run.
Did you say, "Diddly"? Close one.
Yeah, you know him? Sure do.
Diddly's an old friend.
Name's Malison, by the way.
Last name, Saurus.
These are the Saurus brothers.
No relation.
So, you know where he is? I wish! We needed a live dinosaur to get extra credit, but he split.
Tell you what, you help us find him, and we'll take care of you.
Okay.
But he could be anywhere.
Say, is there a pizza joint around here? Chapter 4, Di-no Win Situation.
Mm! Pepperoni! Hello, Diddly.
Enjoying your slice? Malison! What are you doing here? What I should've done a long time ago.
Kicking your dino butt! Wait.
I thought you were friends? Best friends.
Until he put our pizza joint out of business.
He put his Diddly Drops in the sauce and gave everyone dino-rhea! More like pizza-rhea.
Get it? It's a combination of pizza and diarrhea! We get it! And now I'm gonna get you! Yes! Diddly's Drowsy Dumpster.
Works every time! No one hits us with a dumpster and gets away with it.
That's dino-disrespectful! After him, boys! - Man, they're gonna kill Diddly.
- Well, it is kinda his fault.
Actually, it's kinda our fault.
We wrote that comic.
We gotta help Diddly.
Look! Mr.
Krupp! Oh, hello, age-appropriate chums.
I'm not spying on you.
I'm just having a slice of this pizza pie.
- Yeah! - Tra-la-lunchtime! - So, where do you think they went? - I've got one idea.
What's your idea? Putt-A-Saurus, Piqua's top dinosaur-themed mini-golf course.
These dinos are trouble? No.
I play mini-golf with them all the time! These are fake dinosaurs.
We're looking for real dinosaurs.
Wait.
These aren't real? Real metal! Dinosaurs that love mini-golf just like me! Dino-fore! So unfair! Sorry.
I just love this game so much.
Dino do-over! No! We gotta find Diddly before Malison does.
Ow! Watch it, buddy! - Diddly? - Nope! Never heard of him! Nothing.
Going somewhere? - Captain Underpants, do something! - Okay! - What are you doing? - I'm hamboning.
Do something useful.
Oh.
Thanks for being more specific.
Chapter 5, The Incredibly Graphic Violence Chapter.
Presented in Dine-O-Rama.
A dinosaur fight made less horrifying with food.
Stegosaurus slap! Now slap some on my plate and pass the syrup! Wait, no Triceratops trounce! Oh, boy, that pizza looks tasty.
You're wasting food! Dino Dump! You like pranks? Well, this prank's called Diddly's Doom.
You'll never see it coming.
Except now you know it's coming 'cause I just told you.
Diddly-ooh! Diddly-ow! Whoa, whoa, whoa! Easy, man! He's awake! I was having the best dream.
There were dinosaurs, and mini-golf That wasn't a dream, it's real! You gotta save Diddly! Okay! Whoever that is, here I come! Is one of you dinosaurs Diddly? - Help! - Oh, nice to meet you.
You other dinosaurs? Meet Wedgie-Saurus Rex.
One more second.
Almost there.
And, no, wait.
Uh-huh, just one more sec, okay! There we go.
This Nope.
Yes! This baby's gonna make you wish you were extinct again! Ooh, snow! Ick! Underpants! No more pranks.
Time to get serious.
Dino-serious.
Oh, no.
I wish we hadn't written that comic.
Harold, yes! That's it, the comic! How did Captain Underpants win that one? With the Freezilee Slush Bucket Machine! Hey, Malison! Look out behind you! Hey, why'd you snitch on? Whoa! Sometimes we are so good.
- Cap! Pull the lever! - This is no time for dessert! I got it.
Hmm? It's the cops! Run! - Great.
We've saved the day - But lost the extra credit.
- You again.
- Hello, officer.
I'd like to file a missing pants report.
Chapter 6, Live and Let Dino.
Since no one bothered to turn in a project, no one gets extra credit.
Which means I'm still on top, you sea of mediocrity.
Melvin's number one! Melvin's number one! Melvin's number one! We were this close to summer camp until Diddly dino-ditched us.
Delivery for George and Harold.
Extra cheese and extra credit.
- Diddly! You dino-delivered! - Yeah, plus I opened a new pizza place, Diddly's Deep Dish, so free pizza for everyone! Told you dinosaurs ate pizza.
Plus, I mean, dinosaur! So do we get the extra credit now? - Fine.
- How about a slice? - Oh! Oh, excuse me! - Diddly Drops? Once again, George and Harold have ham-fisted their way to victory.
And there's only one person to blame.
At least this spot has plenty of room.