The Family Law (2016) s02e05 Episode Script
Season 2, Episode 5
'Bad Asian driver' is such an offensive stereotype.
So the fact Mum actually is a bad Asian driver just makes things worse.
Still, she loves the sense of freedom driving gives her.
- The independence - [horn blasts.]
.
.
and the serenity.
- Mum! - Shame they can't understand.
Can you fix it? I'm going to be late! Okay, yeah.
Hello, it's Danny Law.
Sorry I missed your call.
Mum Hey! If Mummy can push all you kids out, you can push this van.
Come on.
Do we have to? Hey, kids, close the door! Wasting electricity.
Ai, are you listening? We need repairs done now.
Kids, look.
What do you think? - Cool, huh? - Yeah, everyone loves no-name denim.
Hey, we're diversifying.
Like Aldi.
Soy sauce in aisle 1, jeans in aisle 3.
Very convenient.
- 'Wrongler'? Wow.
- Dad, are these elasticised? People don't care about brands now.
They just care about quality.
Feel, 100% poly-cotton.
Hello! The car! - Hey, Clement can do for cheap.
- Uncle Clement? When he fix the fridge and toilet, we got hot fridge and shit tsunami.
You have no problem spending money on the business or the wedding, but when it's something we need Oh, no! Everybody's so red and sweaty.
All your faces is like a big tomato.
Hello, Ming-Zhu.
Though I don't mind sweat.
Just ask Danny.
So what happened? Our van broke down.
And someone won't pay to get it fixed.
Hey, don't be so mean.
Just give Jenny the money.
Thank you, Ming-Zhu.
Very helpful.
Guys! Rehearsal! It's only our final week.
I can drive.
Ming-Zhu to the rescue.
I'm being sensible.
Uncle Clement is a good mechanic.
You want it fixed your way, you pay for it yourself.
Okay.
Fine.
I don't need to rely on you or Uncle Clement or any man.
Come on, Ming-Zhu! Ben! Okay.
So we come in from stage left.
Your stage left or my stage left? Ben, there's only one stage left.
We come in together anyway.
Remember what Mr Mallory said - two heads, one soul.
We think and move as one.
- Unlike my parents.
- Ben, concentrate.
If we're going to be better than Coastside Grammar's 'Steve Irwin' musical You're right, you're right.
Children! We have some exciting news.
Thanks to my industry connections, our production of 'Medea' is going to be broadcast on community access television.
[excited chatter.]
Suncoast TV is going to air 'Medea' in their Sunday evening slot.
That's an average of 700 viewers each week! [mutters in Cantonese.]
[door opens and slams.]
Mum, Mum, Mum! Guess who's going to be on screen! 'Medea' is being broadcast on prime time TV.
- Oh! - What's going on? What use is Escape button if I can't escape! There, see? All you had to do was that.
Why do you need a resume? Mummy doesn't depend on your drop-dead dad any more.
Seems like a lot of work just to get the van fixed.
It isn't just about the van.
This is about me standing on my two hind legs.
Well, do you have anything else, other than homemaker? Well, Mummy was professional waitress in Hong Kong.
Then I work in the restaurant before you were born and I have been full-time professional mum for 20 years.
That's something.
Okay, let's make it pop, at least.
We'll add a border.
And everyone loves Comic Sans.
- There.
- Ah! Ooh! And maybe some colour? Oh, rainbow font! Great idea.
Oh! I can always rely on my baby boy.
Now, Medea, remember, all is lost to you now.
Nothing's left but bottomless rage.
And go! Your pain is comfort to ours! - Good, good.
- You will never mock us now! Yes! Jason Children, you have evil as a mother.
- You've - [mobile phone rings.]
- Children, you - [phone rings again.]
Sorry, guys, I should answer this.
Mum, I really can't talk.
The massage parlour took Mummy's CV! They asked if I would do extras.
I say Jenny always willing to go the extra mile.
Mum, I'll call you back later, okay? - Sorry, sorry.
Where were we? - From the top of the page.
- O children - Children, your father's treachery! Ben that's my line.
- Oh, sorry! I thought - [phone rings.]
One minute, tops.
Mum, you really don't have to call every time.
"Not enough experience"? Hello! It's a laundromat.
I have 20 years' experience dealing with stains.
Hey, I just saw your agent.
Gotta go, Mum.
I'll call you back.
[phone rings.]
Yes? What is it? Ah-Ben, can you come to the shop? Bit of emergency here.
Dad, I can't.
I'll call you after - [loud crash.]
- What was that? - [phone disconnects.]
- Ben! Can we start yet or what? Sorry, guys, my dad No.
You go.
We're fine here.
Miss Beryl! - It's 100% snail slime extract.
- Miss Beryl Miss Beryl - Oh, hello! - Ben's mum.
Oh, yes, and how is little, um Ben? Oh, great.
Lead role in the school play.
Media.
Very classic.
Oh, wonderful! Well, as mother to the stars you need to look your best.
Why don't you try some of this? It's Vitamin E and royal jelly.
Orientals love it.
And Pouffe, it isn't just a brand, you know? It's It's an international movement.
It's about self-actualisation.
Putting you in charge of your own life.
Now, how can I help you, madam? Oh, yes - It was okay this morning.
- Well, I didn't touch anything.
You know I left rehearsal for this.
It's opening night this week.
Hey, that's abalone! If people get sick, Daddy's the one they sue.
Just a little And all ingredients are from nature.
No animal testing.
All hyper-allergic.
Hypoallergenic.
- Which is good for skin diseases.
- Conditions.
Skin conditions.
Like, you know, eczema, psoriasis.
Aunty - We were on this gorgeous island.
- Mm, Phu Quoc.
What? I made an effort to learn the language.
Oh, you lovebirds.
It's always rosy at the start.
Before you find your husband in bed with one of your sisters.
I will take one of the intense day creams.
My skin's so thirsty it's gagging for it.
My pores are really opening up! [Snorts.]
There's also a slight burning.
Oh, that's completely normal.
Just the mud sucking all the toxins out.
I can't afford to have visible pores on stage! Actually, we should talk about my post-broadcast career moves, Beryl.
[Chuckles.]
So many sales tonight, Jenny, and it's your first go, too! Next time Jenny will be total sell-out.
Yes, it's a very impressive first step.
- First step? - Yes.
Remember, you're only Tier 1.
In order to make money, you must climb the Pouffe ladder by recruiting others.
Recruit? You don't earn money until you recruit others to make you money, like I recruited you.
But you do get a bonus for tonight's sales.
A voucher, from Pouffe.
[knock at door.]
- Hi, Melissa! - Hey.
- Come on in.
- Wow! Cool house, Klaus.
So shiny.
[faint dialogue.]
Keep up your hate.
How I loathe your voice! If you only remember one thing Mummy says, it's don't trust anyone.
Tell me about it.
People see you're weak, then just use and abuse you.
Or go behind your back to undermine and destroy you.
Exactly! Wait, who are you talking about? Melissa.
Who are you talking about? Beryl! Pouffe is a big scam.
She took all the money and I even had to pay to host.
A scam? That's not like Beryl.
Your dad controls all the money.
No one wants to give me a job.
- What choice do I have? - Oh, Mum.
How do white people make money? We're just here to suss out our options, okay? Nothing to be ashamed of.
Okay.
Just suss.
And look number 55, for the mummy with five kids.
Did you call Melissa yet? When did she become so two-faced? Well, Medea has two heads now, so she's clearly nailing the character.
[gasps.]
- Ai-ya, Jenny, ah! - Jenny! Jenny! Jenny! Ai-ya, Jenny! Aunty Aunty.
- Customer No.
55, counter No.
5.
- Oh, that's us! There are just so many forms.
How am I supposed to know "value of my asses"? - Assets.
- Oh, whatever.
Your dad took care of everything.
I knew nothing in the marriage.
Now I have to go crawling back to your dad again.
For help.
Maybe he's right.
I'm being stupid.
Easier to do things his way.
- Just call Uncle Clement.
- I can get the paperwork off Dad.
Really? All Mum needs is your tax return and a list of assets.
That's easy, right? I didn't come to Australia for my family to go on welfare.
People do it all the time.
- There's no shame in it, Dad.
- No need, either.
I offer your mum money to get the van fixed with Uncle Clement but she wants to do her way.
Ah-Ben Sit down.
I know you're only trying to help your mum.
When I was your age, it was just me and my mum.
We live in Hong Kong, my daddy in America.
Work, work, work, send us money.
Never saw him, even as a baby, because he was working hard to provide for us.
Then, after long time away, he decide to come back to see us.
San Francisco to Hong Kong.
Longest journey by ship.
Then he lands.
First day, boom.
Explosion in the brain.
- What? - Stroke.
Your Yeh-Yeh he say hello to me, then he collapse.
He died.
Died? On the first day? - First day.
- That's horrible.
But he left us money, and we were never poor.
So providing is Daddy's number one job.
And that's why if your mum needs welfare, then I'm not being a good dad for you.
But what am I going to tell Mum? Good of you to finally grace us with your presence, Mr Law.
Sorry, I've had some family issues.
Certain members of the production are concerned about your level of commitment.
Oh! After all I've done for you! All you've done? All I've been doing is covering for you while you screw up our biggest opportunity ever.
I've screwed up? Hello! I'm not the one going behind my back with my new boyfriend Klaus.
Yes, I know all about it.
He's not my boyfriend! Newsflash! I live across the road.
Could you have made it more obvious? - You could've rehearsed with me.
- But you're always busy! So it's my fault? I'm sorry my mum's car died, sorry my dad's freezer exploded They're adults, Ben.
They're supposed to take care of themselves.
And you're my friend! You're supposed to be on my side.
Not black-swanning me.
Ben! Wait, am I Natalie Portman or the other one? It doesn't matter! You just want to be the star.
Well, if you're going to be like this, maybe I should be! I can't keep putting you first if it means putting me last.
I'm giving myself permission to shine.
And I won't let you ruin it for me.
JENNY: Ai, that stuff gave me a rash too.
Well, the exfoliant was like sandpaper, but that depilatory cream was incredible.
Not a single hair from the neck down.
It's like Seaworld down there.
lLaughs.]
Sorry, Diane, but Pouffe is poof.
Dodgy.
Beryl was a pyramid artist.
No! Knock, knock.
Sorry, the door was open.
- I'm Diane.
- Danny.
Uh I spoke to Ah-Ben.
Everything you need should be here for the, um the welfare.
- What's this about welfare? - Oh, it's nothing, nothing.
Hey, there's no shame in going on the dole.
I was on it after Denis left me.
Well, I tried to get a job, but everyone see single mum with no experience.
So I'm no use to anyone.
So You need a job? I can get you work.
Really? Do I need to have an interview? Not if I'm hiring.
Hello, hello! Big night is finally here.
Baby number three about to become big TV star.
Let's go see the celebrity.
Guys, don't.
It's okay.
Nerves are natural.
It's your body's way of telling you you're excited.
Melissa and I had a big fight.
She says I'm not committed enough.
That I've been distracted.
Which is kind of true, but only because of I said some stuff I shouldn't have said.
I wouldn't be surprised if she never speaks to me.
You know again.
Well, what do you want? To be friends like before.
Then tell her.
Melissa is your best friend.
And best friends understand each other, inside out.
Need some help? I'm sorry.
So, what? Suddenly I'm not a black swan any more? You were right.
You're the most talented, capable person I know.
And you have every right to be a star.
On your own.
Without me.
Wait what are you saying? I haven't exactly been nailing it at rehearsal.
And I don't want to steal your thunder.
You can do this on your own.
You should.
Ten minutes, people! [dramatic music.]
Your grief's not yet begun! Their mother loved them! BOTH: You did not! [eerie music.]
There'll be accidents, of course.
Usually they're the yellow variety, but you'll get code browns, too.
Don't worry, it's nothing shocking if you've raised kids.
Once my first baby pooed into my hands, nothing can shock me any more.
Most of the residents are pretty independent.
You should hear those two at night.
Hearing aids off and more moaning than a slaughterhouse.
And here are your supplies.
Sorry, it isn't exactly glamorous.
Thank you, for all of this.
Hey, what are mates for? And this is where we have breaks.
What do we do on breaks? Have a cuppa, scratch your fanny.
Whatever you want.
Stay in here and watch TV if you want.
And look On Fridays, we have cake.
Children! We are going on tour.
Oh, Eddie, that's Dad Dad! - Dad, how are you feeling? - Yes Yes.
How are you feeling? When my Uncle Toby had one of his testicles amputated, it took him ages to work again.
I found some paperwork at Dad's office.
I don't think the shop's doing great.
We get through this.
We've been through worse.
Have we?
So the fact Mum actually is a bad Asian driver just makes things worse.
Still, she loves the sense of freedom driving gives her.
- The independence - [horn blasts.]
.
.
and the serenity.
- Mum! - Shame they can't understand.
Can you fix it? I'm going to be late! Okay, yeah.
Hello, it's Danny Law.
Sorry I missed your call.
Mum Hey! If Mummy can push all you kids out, you can push this van.
Come on.
Do we have to? Hey, kids, close the door! Wasting electricity.
Ai, are you listening? We need repairs done now.
Kids, look.
What do you think? - Cool, huh? - Yeah, everyone loves no-name denim.
Hey, we're diversifying.
Like Aldi.
Soy sauce in aisle 1, jeans in aisle 3.
Very convenient.
- 'Wrongler'? Wow.
- Dad, are these elasticised? People don't care about brands now.
They just care about quality.
Feel, 100% poly-cotton.
Hello! The car! - Hey, Clement can do for cheap.
- Uncle Clement? When he fix the fridge and toilet, we got hot fridge and shit tsunami.
You have no problem spending money on the business or the wedding, but when it's something we need Oh, no! Everybody's so red and sweaty.
All your faces is like a big tomato.
Hello, Ming-Zhu.
Though I don't mind sweat.
Just ask Danny.
So what happened? Our van broke down.
And someone won't pay to get it fixed.
Hey, don't be so mean.
Just give Jenny the money.
Thank you, Ming-Zhu.
Very helpful.
Guys! Rehearsal! It's only our final week.
I can drive.
Ming-Zhu to the rescue.
I'm being sensible.
Uncle Clement is a good mechanic.
You want it fixed your way, you pay for it yourself.
Okay.
Fine.
I don't need to rely on you or Uncle Clement or any man.
Come on, Ming-Zhu! Ben! Okay.
So we come in from stage left.
Your stage left or my stage left? Ben, there's only one stage left.
We come in together anyway.
Remember what Mr Mallory said - two heads, one soul.
We think and move as one.
- Unlike my parents.
- Ben, concentrate.
If we're going to be better than Coastside Grammar's 'Steve Irwin' musical You're right, you're right.
Children! We have some exciting news.
Thanks to my industry connections, our production of 'Medea' is going to be broadcast on community access television.
[excited chatter.]
Suncoast TV is going to air 'Medea' in their Sunday evening slot.
That's an average of 700 viewers each week! [mutters in Cantonese.]
[door opens and slams.]
Mum, Mum, Mum! Guess who's going to be on screen! 'Medea' is being broadcast on prime time TV.
- Oh! - What's going on? What use is Escape button if I can't escape! There, see? All you had to do was that.
Why do you need a resume? Mummy doesn't depend on your drop-dead dad any more.
Seems like a lot of work just to get the van fixed.
It isn't just about the van.
This is about me standing on my two hind legs.
Well, do you have anything else, other than homemaker? Well, Mummy was professional waitress in Hong Kong.
Then I work in the restaurant before you were born and I have been full-time professional mum for 20 years.
That's something.
Okay, let's make it pop, at least.
We'll add a border.
And everyone loves Comic Sans.
- There.
- Ah! Ooh! And maybe some colour? Oh, rainbow font! Great idea.
Oh! I can always rely on my baby boy.
Now, Medea, remember, all is lost to you now.
Nothing's left but bottomless rage.
And go! Your pain is comfort to ours! - Good, good.
- You will never mock us now! Yes! Jason Children, you have evil as a mother.
- You've - [mobile phone rings.]
- Children, you - [phone rings again.]
Sorry, guys, I should answer this.
Mum, I really can't talk.
The massage parlour took Mummy's CV! They asked if I would do extras.
I say Jenny always willing to go the extra mile.
Mum, I'll call you back later, okay? - Sorry, sorry.
Where were we? - From the top of the page.
- O children - Children, your father's treachery! Ben that's my line.
- Oh, sorry! I thought - [phone rings.]
One minute, tops.
Mum, you really don't have to call every time.
"Not enough experience"? Hello! It's a laundromat.
I have 20 years' experience dealing with stains.
Hey, I just saw your agent.
Gotta go, Mum.
I'll call you back.
[phone rings.]
Yes? What is it? Ah-Ben, can you come to the shop? Bit of emergency here.
Dad, I can't.
I'll call you after - [loud crash.]
- What was that? - [phone disconnects.]
- Ben! Can we start yet or what? Sorry, guys, my dad No.
You go.
We're fine here.
Miss Beryl! - It's 100% snail slime extract.
- Miss Beryl Miss Beryl - Oh, hello! - Ben's mum.
Oh, yes, and how is little, um Ben? Oh, great.
Lead role in the school play.
Media.
Very classic.
Oh, wonderful! Well, as mother to the stars you need to look your best.
Why don't you try some of this? It's Vitamin E and royal jelly.
Orientals love it.
And Pouffe, it isn't just a brand, you know? It's It's an international movement.
It's about self-actualisation.
Putting you in charge of your own life.
Now, how can I help you, madam? Oh, yes - It was okay this morning.
- Well, I didn't touch anything.
You know I left rehearsal for this.
It's opening night this week.
Hey, that's abalone! If people get sick, Daddy's the one they sue.
Just a little And all ingredients are from nature.
No animal testing.
All hyper-allergic.
Hypoallergenic.
- Which is good for skin diseases.
- Conditions.
Skin conditions.
Like, you know, eczema, psoriasis.
Aunty - We were on this gorgeous island.
- Mm, Phu Quoc.
What? I made an effort to learn the language.
Oh, you lovebirds.
It's always rosy at the start.
Before you find your husband in bed with one of your sisters.
I will take one of the intense day creams.
My skin's so thirsty it's gagging for it.
My pores are really opening up! [Snorts.]
There's also a slight burning.
Oh, that's completely normal.
Just the mud sucking all the toxins out.
I can't afford to have visible pores on stage! Actually, we should talk about my post-broadcast career moves, Beryl.
[Chuckles.]
So many sales tonight, Jenny, and it's your first go, too! Next time Jenny will be total sell-out.
Yes, it's a very impressive first step.
- First step? - Yes.
Remember, you're only Tier 1.
In order to make money, you must climb the Pouffe ladder by recruiting others.
Recruit? You don't earn money until you recruit others to make you money, like I recruited you.
But you do get a bonus for tonight's sales.
A voucher, from Pouffe.
[knock at door.]
- Hi, Melissa! - Hey.
- Come on in.
- Wow! Cool house, Klaus.
So shiny.
[faint dialogue.]
Keep up your hate.
How I loathe your voice! If you only remember one thing Mummy says, it's don't trust anyone.
Tell me about it.
People see you're weak, then just use and abuse you.
Or go behind your back to undermine and destroy you.
Exactly! Wait, who are you talking about? Melissa.
Who are you talking about? Beryl! Pouffe is a big scam.
She took all the money and I even had to pay to host.
A scam? That's not like Beryl.
Your dad controls all the money.
No one wants to give me a job.
- What choice do I have? - Oh, Mum.
How do white people make money? We're just here to suss out our options, okay? Nothing to be ashamed of.
Okay.
Just suss.
And look number 55, for the mummy with five kids.
Did you call Melissa yet? When did she become so two-faced? Well, Medea has two heads now, so she's clearly nailing the character.
[gasps.]
- Ai-ya, Jenny, ah! - Jenny! Jenny! Jenny! Ai-ya, Jenny! Aunty Aunty.
- Customer No.
55, counter No.
5.
- Oh, that's us! There are just so many forms.
How am I supposed to know "value of my asses"? - Assets.
- Oh, whatever.
Your dad took care of everything.
I knew nothing in the marriage.
Now I have to go crawling back to your dad again.
For help.
Maybe he's right.
I'm being stupid.
Easier to do things his way.
- Just call Uncle Clement.
- I can get the paperwork off Dad.
Really? All Mum needs is your tax return and a list of assets.
That's easy, right? I didn't come to Australia for my family to go on welfare.
People do it all the time.
- There's no shame in it, Dad.
- No need, either.
I offer your mum money to get the van fixed with Uncle Clement but she wants to do her way.
Ah-Ben Sit down.
I know you're only trying to help your mum.
When I was your age, it was just me and my mum.
We live in Hong Kong, my daddy in America.
Work, work, work, send us money.
Never saw him, even as a baby, because he was working hard to provide for us.
Then, after long time away, he decide to come back to see us.
San Francisco to Hong Kong.
Longest journey by ship.
Then he lands.
First day, boom.
Explosion in the brain.
- What? - Stroke.
Your Yeh-Yeh he say hello to me, then he collapse.
He died.
Died? On the first day? - First day.
- That's horrible.
But he left us money, and we were never poor.
So providing is Daddy's number one job.
And that's why if your mum needs welfare, then I'm not being a good dad for you.
But what am I going to tell Mum? Good of you to finally grace us with your presence, Mr Law.
Sorry, I've had some family issues.
Certain members of the production are concerned about your level of commitment.
Oh! After all I've done for you! All you've done? All I've been doing is covering for you while you screw up our biggest opportunity ever.
I've screwed up? Hello! I'm not the one going behind my back with my new boyfriend Klaus.
Yes, I know all about it.
He's not my boyfriend! Newsflash! I live across the road.
Could you have made it more obvious? - You could've rehearsed with me.
- But you're always busy! So it's my fault? I'm sorry my mum's car died, sorry my dad's freezer exploded They're adults, Ben.
They're supposed to take care of themselves.
And you're my friend! You're supposed to be on my side.
Not black-swanning me.
Ben! Wait, am I Natalie Portman or the other one? It doesn't matter! You just want to be the star.
Well, if you're going to be like this, maybe I should be! I can't keep putting you first if it means putting me last.
I'm giving myself permission to shine.
And I won't let you ruin it for me.
JENNY: Ai, that stuff gave me a rash too.
Well, the exfoliant was like sandpaper, but that depilatory cream was incredible.
Not a single hair from the neck down.
It's like Seaworld down there.
lLaughs.]
Sorry, Diane, but Pouffe is poof.
Dodgy.
Beryl was a pyramid artist.
No! Knock, knock.
Sorry, the door was open.
- I'm Diane.
- Danny.
Uh I spoke to Ah-Ben.
Everything you need should be here for the, um the welfare.
- What's this about welfare? - Oh, it's nothing, nothing.
Hey, there's no shame in going on the dole.
I was on it after Denis left me.
Well, I tried to get a job, but everyone see single mum with no experience.
So I'm no use to anyone.
So You need a job? I can get you work.
Really? Do I need to have an interview? Not if I'm hiring.
Hello, hello! Big night is finally here.
Baby number three about to become big TV star.
Let's go see the celebrity.
Guys, don't.
It's okay.
Nerves are natural.
It's your body's way of telling you you're excited.
Melissa and I had a big fight.
She says I'm not committed enough.
That I've been distracted.
Which is kind of true, but only because of I said some stuff I shouldn't have said.
I wouldn't be surprised if she never speaks to me.
You know again.
Well, what do you want? To be friends like before.
Then tell her.
Melissa is your best friend.
And best friends understand each other, inside out.
Need some help? I'm sorry.
So, what? Suddenly I'm not a black swan any more? You were right.
You're the most talented, capable person I know.
And you have every right to be a star.
On your own.
Without me.
Wait what are you saying? I haven't exactly been nailing it at rehearsal.
And I don't want to steal your thunder.
You can do this on your own.
You should.
Ten minutes, people! [dramatic music.]
Your grief's not yet begun! Their mother loved them! BOTH: You did not! [eerie music.]
There'll be accidents, of course.
Usually they're the yellow variety, but you'll get code browns, too.
Don't worry, it's nothing shocking if you've raised kids.
Once my first baby pooed into my hands, nothing can shock me any more.
Most of the residents are pretty independent.
You should hear those two at night.
Hearing aids off and more moaning than a slaughterhouse.
And here are your supplies.
Sorry, it isn't exactly glamorous.
Thank you, for all of this.
Hey, what are mates for? And this is where we have breaks.
What do we do on breaks? Have a cuppa, scratch your fanny.
Whatever you want.
Stay in here and watch TV if you want.
And look On Fridays, we have cake.
Children! We are going on tour.
Oh, Eddie, that's Dad Dad! - Dad, how are you feeling? - Yes Yes.
How are you feeling? When my Uncle Toby had one of his testicles amputated, it took him ages to work again.
I found some paperwork at Dad's office.
I don't think the shop's doing great.
We get through this.
We've been through worse.
Have we?