The Neighborhood (2018) s02e05 Episode Script

1 (BICYCLE BELLS RINGING) Greetings, four-wheeled friends.
Dave, do you ever just say "hi"? Oh.
Nay.
Look at you guys, out for a bike ride.
Yeah.
Back in Kalamazoo, we used to take family rides all the time.
Not on Old Duck Lane, of course, with all the traffic.
(SCOFFS) Well, around here, if you see a grown man on a bike, his sidepiece slashed his tires.
What's a sidepiece? Oh, well, it's when a guy Dave! gets an extra piece of chicken.
Cool! Then next time, I'm gonna get a sidepiece.
Well, I don't know about you, but I sure worked up an appetite - for our double date tonight.
- (CHUCKLES) Double date? Who's the unlucky couple? (LAUGHING) We are.
What? Tina, I thought you and I were going to The Lobster Factory.
Uh, we are, but the Johnsons are coming with us, and we're not going to The Lobster Factory.
We're going to this hip new place called Sprout and Jar.
I've been dying to try it.
Everything's served in mason jars.
Except for the drinks, which come to the table in a communal trough.
Come on, Tina.
Saturday is one of my cheat days.
I just want to go to a classy place, where, you know, I can put on a bib and suck butter off my fingers.
I know, baby.
That's why we didn't ask you.
Mwah! Calvin, don't worry, Sprout and Jar has a lobster dish.
Oh.
Okay.
It's an aerated foam served in a balloon.
Sounds good, doesn't it? To use your words: Nay.
Welcome to the block, welcome to the neighborhood Welcome to the hood.
Ooh - Wow, this place is really nice.
- I know.
Everything they serve here is farm-to-table.
Ooh.
Well, as long as they kill it somewhere in between, I'm good.
(CHUCKLES) Ooh, Calvin, check this out.
The menus are printed on rice paper.
When you're done ordering, you can eat them as an appetizer.
I don't know.
I-I don't want to fill up on menu.
Hey, babe didn't this used to be Alfreeda's check-cashing place? Yeah, until the cops found out it was also Alfreeda's drug-dealing place.
You see? Just another example of gentrification taking over a fine, locally owned business.
(MUTTERS) Greetings.
Thank you for the opportunity to nourish you.
Doesn't anybody just say "hi" anymore? We have a reservation under Johnson.
Oh.
We prefer not to use the term "reservation" out of respect to Native Americans.
Then how do we do this? We also prefer you don't use the world "how.
" (SIGHS) I'm sorry, we're running a bit behind.
It's gonna be about an hour and a half.
An hour and a half? How long does it take to shove a lobster in a balloon? You know, that-that is a long wait.
Maybe we should go someplace else.
Well, I did just read about a new soul food restaurant around the corner.
Ooh, that sounds good.
Gemma, are you cool with that? (SCOFFS SOFTLY) I mean, sure, it just took me - six weeks to get the reserva - (CLEARS THROAT) table holding.
Calvin, what do you say? Oh.
So I guess you think all black people want soul food.
N N-No.
I'm sorry, I didn't I'm just kidding with you, man.
Hell yeah, let's go.
You know what? I'm just gonna grab a menu for a little snack on the way.
Hey, hey, party people! - Yo, what's up, man? - Hey.
So, what's this school project you need help on, Grover? Is it a report on a foreign country? Because if it's Madagascar, the capital is Antananarivo.
Actually, I have to interview people in my neighborhood, so I thought I'd do a podcast.
Oh, your very own podcast.
That's pretty cool, man.
Yeah, you know, it's not as cool as having a pen pal in Antananarivo, but Sit down.
The podcast is called Gabbin' with Grover.
My dad helped me with the theme song.
Okay, well, let's do it, then.
DAVE: Gabbin' with Grover, Gabbin' with Grover Gabbin' our cares away Ice cream or wizards, kickball or lizards Whatever's on his mind today, hey, hey.
- It's catchy, it's catchy.
- It's nice, nice.
Nice.
There's three more verses.
Want to hear 'em? - Hell no.
- Hell no.
Okay, then let's start.
Hey, Mrs.
Sweeney and the rest of room 14.
Except Spencer.
I heard about your birthday party.
So, I'd like to welcome my first guests, Malcolm and Marty Butler.
Hey, hey! What's up, Mrs.
Sweeney? Uh, hello, everyone, except Spencer.
Not cool, bro.
Okay, let's start with you, Marty.
All right, you got it.
What's on your mind, little man? You have a really cool job, you're super smart, and you dress nice.
(CHUCKLES) Thank you.
So why don't you have a girlfriend? Wha What? You know why don't girls like you? (LAUGHS) Well, well, uh, w-well Uh, uh, uh, answer the question, man.
Room 14 wants to know.
(LAUGHS) Now, this is what I'm talkin' about.
Got pictures of our people on the wall, and it smells just like my grandmama's kitchen.
And did you hear what the waitress said when we walked in? She said, "Hi.
" Which is more than what Calvin's bitter old grandma ever said to me.
Lord rest her soul.
Let's see.
Cracklin' Bread.
Hoppin' John.
Ooh, hush puppies.
I'm gonna get those.
They sound adorable.
Mr.
and Mrs.
Butler! How you folks doing? - Hey.
- Hey, Daryl.
I see you finally grew into that head.
(CHUCKLES) How's your mama and them? Who's "Andem"? Oh.
That's black for "er'body.
" Which is black for "everybody.
" So, does anyone have any questions about the menu? I do.
What exactly are chitterlings? (BOTH LAUGH) Dave, Dave, Dave, we say "chitlins.
" It's boiled pig intestines.
It's a black delicacy.
Oh.
I have trouble digesting things that, you know digest things.
We just had vegan meat loaf at your house last week.
Consider this payback.
And I had to sit in that lost-and-found for over an hour before my mama came and got me.
Is it any surprise that I have abandonment issues?! Can we please be done with the interview? I stopped asking you questions, like, ten minutes ago.
So, let's move on to Malcolm.
Oh, thank God.
All right, bring on the questions, G-man.
Unlike my brother, I've had a ton of girlfriends, I'm emotionally stable, and I've never lost my swimsuit on a waterslide.
Yeah, I didn't lose it.
You pulled it down.
Okay, Malcolm.
You wanted to be a professional baseball player before you got hurt, right? Uh, yeah, that's right.
(CHUCKLES) Are you that good at anything else? And if not, does that make you sad? (CLEARS THROAT): Um well, that's a complicated question.
It's okay.
Take your time.
Looks like he yanked your swimsuit down.
Mm.
Excuse me.
I am smackin' so loud, I'm embarrassed.
I'm sorry, Grandmama, but somebody's giving your food a run for its money.
(LAUGHS) I think you're looking in the wrong direction.
Sweetie, are you okay? - You're looking a little sweaty.
- Oh it's the spice.
Oh, my mouth has been numb since that first hush puppy.
Dave, what your white body is reacting to is a thing we like to call flavor.
This is the food of our people Our blood, sweat and tears, 400 years of resilience in every dish.
Oh, Lord, he's going into preacher mode.
It's pride on a plate.
Soul in a bowl.
Hot damn in the hot sauce! - Hallelujah.
- Yeah, hallelujah.
How's everyone doing here? I could use another glass of ice water.
(CHUCKLES) Everything was amazing, Daryl.
I mean, this food really takes me back, man.
Give my compliments to the chef.
Why don't you tell him yourself? Chef Mitchell! Someone wants to meet you.
Thanks for coming to my restaurant.
How are we enjoying everything? Ah.
I'm guessing he looks nothing like your grandma.
Whenever you're ready.
Wow.
These desserts are even better than the main course.
Yeah, the yellow cake is great.
Again (CLEARS THROAT) a little spicy, but but great.
Well, baby, you haven't touched your dessert.
You know what? You're right.
There.
I touched it.
Oh, come on, Calvin.
You were raving about the food before you found out the chef was white.
That's before he tricked me into thinking it was delicious.
Tina, this is a classic example of appropriation: a white chef stealing black cuisine.
Stealing? I wouldn't call it stealing.
Uh, someone who's not of my culture cooking my culture's food? (CHUCKLES) You don't see me making avocado toast.
(CHUCKLES) But isn't all cooking kind of appropriation? I mean, I'm not Italian, but I make spaghetti all the time.
And I'm not Mexican, but Please don't bring Taco Tuesday into this.
Oh, come on, Calvin.
We were having a good time.
No, no.
I-I am sick and tired of black culture being taken from us.
I mean, our food, our music, our clothes.
White people even tried to take Tiger Woods and then tried to give him back! Calvin, I don't think the chef is taking your food.
I think he's celebrating it.
Like how I play the maracas on Taco Tuesday.
Look, I don't care what you call it.
I am done eating this chef's food.
It's a good thing I kept a few bites of this menu.
Gabbin' with Grover, Gabbin' with Grover Gabbin' our cares away.
Dave, if you're writing me another love song, just know it's gonna be tough to top last week's.
No.
I've given up on that.
Nothing rhymes with Gemma.
It's a real problem.
Some might call it a dilemma.
I mean, I guess.
No, I'm-I'm rerecording the theme song to Grover's podcast.
- Why? - Well, I'm afraid that my rap version is appropriating black culture.
Which is a shame, because it was straight fire.
I think you may be overreacting a little.
Well, maybe, but, you know, I don't think it's up to us to decide what's offensive and what's not.
So what are you gonna do, just stop using things that were invented by other cultures? 'Cause I don't see you giving up your nunchucks.
I'm gonna make an exception for those.
It's a matter of home security.
I just think maybe Calvin has a point.
Then why didn't it bother Tina? Well, maybe it did and she just didn't say anything.
Really, Dave? I once saw her tell a librarian, "No, you keep it down.
" Well, in the librarian's defense, that book was eight years overdue.
Dave, sharing different cultures is a good thing.
If we all just stuck to our own little corners of the world, there'd be no tolerance, no understanding, no progress.
Okay.
I see your point.
Maybe I should just keep rapping.
How 'bout we ask Tina about that? Are you watching Do the Right Thing? I sure am.
Black actors with a black director who made his first movie on credit.
Now, that's black.
Oh, so I see.
You're still worked up about that chef being white.
You're damn right I am.
Why do you think I'm eating potato chips Invented by a black man Dipping it in peanut butter Also made by a black man? Who knew legacy could be so delicious? Oh, you don't have to tell me.
I used to eat that when I was pregnant with Marty.
Also made by a black man.
Look, Calvin, you got to let this go.
No.
I can't.
I-I've been thinking about this.
And from now on, if it's not black-owned or black-invented, we blackballing it.
Calvin, baby, I respect what you're trying to do, - but you got to bemore realistic.
- No.
No, what I got to do is remind this community is that what we need to be doing is investing in ourselves.
All right.
I'm all for that.
But you lay one hand on my Louis Vuitton bag, you coming back with a nub.
I'm serious, Tina.
I've been up all night thinking about this, and I'm not taking this laying down.
All right.
Fine.
What you gonna do? I'm gonna take a stand.
All right.
Right after I take a nap.
That peanut butter giving me the itis.
(GRUNTS) MARTY: Hey, man.
I got your text.
You don't want to go to the bar tonight? Ah, what's the point, man? After gabbing with Grover, I can't stop thinking about how depressing my life is.
I'm starting to get why Spencer didn't invite his little ass to his party.
Yeah, man, that interview really shook my confidence.
I haven't felt this naked and exposed since since the waterslide.
Hey, man, well, at least you have a job that you love.
Yeah, but I can't go on dates with my job.
My job can't give me a hug after a long day at work.
My job c Oh, no.
Here come the waterworks.
Hey.
Whoa, whoa, dude, dude.
Marty, you don't see me crying, and I'm in a worse spot than you are.
I was on track to be a pro baseball player, man.
Now I'm just a security guard.
Yeah, but think about it like this: most baseball players' careers are over by the time they're 30.
You could be a security guard for the rest of your life, man.
You are lucky I'm too depressed to punch you.
Look, look.
Malcolm, I know it's not your dream job, but that doesn't mean you won't find it.
It's just it's just a matter of time before things turn around.
Yeah, I guess you're right, man.
And don't worry.
You're gonna find somebody.
The world is full of girls, man.
(CHUCKLES) One of 'em's got to like you.
(CHUCKLES) You think she's cute? Oh, yeah.
You know, in a nerdy, comic book-loving, - Ooh.
Headgear-wearing type of way.
Yeah, she sounds hot.
(CHUCKLES) You know what, man? We should go to that bar.
Yeah.
Maybe my dream girl is there.
Actually, my gut's telling me she don't get out much.
Hey.
Lewis.
I heard you're about to be a grandfather.
That's great.
Chef's white.
Mable? I ain't seen you in a hot minute.
Have you lost weight? Chef's white.
Calvin? What are you doing here? I'm letting these people know before they spend their black dollar that the chef's white.
Really? Sabotaging this restaurant? I can't believe you.
I can't believe you either.
Anyone who cared about me would not support this business or eat this food.
All right, Gemma, I'm ready to get my grub on Tina? You, too? (SCOFFS) I told you, Calvin.
This is your fight, not mine.
You know what, I can't believe you two.
I guess Dave is the only person I can count on.
- Well, I gotmy antacids and - Oh.
Am I the only one who cares what's happening around here? I mean, apparently, if the food is good enough, you don't care if our culture's stolen.
You know what, Calvin makes a good point.
It's not stolen.
I read that the chef's from Louisiana.
His recipes go back three generations.
(EXHALES) Can't argue with that.
I don't care where he's from.
He's just another white dude moving into our community, trying to be down.
Doesn't get more wack than that.
Look, Calvin, we hear you, but what are we supposed to do, stop going to white-owned businesses? Oh.
Now, I don't have anything against white businesses.
They take things back without a receipt.
- So - Oh.
(SCOFFING) So if you're not opposed to white businesses, then what's the problem? The problem is is that other people are profiting off our culture, when it should be us.
Fine.
I don't see it that way.
But for the sake of our friendship, I'm willing to give up delicious ham hocks and pigs' feet.
Hey! Two nights in a row.
I'm glad our food's got you coming back.
Yeah, well, sorry, Daryl.
We're actually on our way out.
Now, h-hold on, hold on.
Can I ask you a question? - Do you like working here? - Yeah.
- Hmm.
- Well, wouldn't you rather be working for a black chef? That would be cool, but Chef Mitchell's dope.
He's teaching me a lot.
What can he teach you about soul food that your grandmama can't? (CHUCKLES) It's not just about the food.
You know, he's also teaching me about the business.
You never know, Mr.
Butler.
Someday, you could be rolling up in my place.
Mm.
You hear that, Calvin? Yeah, I heard it.
Well, it sounds to me like this place is giving our people pretty good opportunities.
And the food is legit.
- I-I said I heard it.
- Okay.
Okay.
What do you say, Calvin? It's your call.
Well, I did work up a pretty big appetite trying to shut this place down.
Okay.
We'll take a table for four.
Great.
You can follow me.
- Thank you.
- (CHUCKLES) Hey, uh, Calvin, since I paid last time, tonight's on you? Well, I mean, chef's white, you're white.
Let's just keep that going.
Yeah.
Thanks for letting me interview you, Mr.
Calvin.
Oh, you got it, little man.
What I don't understand is why you two want to be here.
Oh.
We just want to watch you do your thing, Pop.
Yeah, Dad.
You know, we just want to soak up some of that fatherly wisdom.
I am quite wise, aren't I? All right, Grover.
Fire away.
Okay, first question.
You're funny and cool and everyone looks up to you.
Yeah, and? Why didn't Malcolm and Marty get any of that? How much time you got?