The Proud Family (2001) s02e05 Episode Script

Check me out.
Now, this is what you call
a balanced diet.
(giggling)
Okay, Daddy, which invitation do you like?
Invitation?
Yeah, to the twins' baptism.
We don't need invitations.
Suga Mama and Papi
are at the house every day.
We're inviting my family, too,
Oscar Proud.
Your family?
Who's bright idea was that?
For your information, it was Penny's.
And I think it's a great idea.
Yeah, Daddy, I think it'll be fun
having the whole family together.
That's because you weren't at the wedding.
Trudy, rarely do I exercise
my control over our household.
But I'm putting my foot down on this one.
(screams)
Whoa!
(crash)
Uh-oh. Quick.
Everybody, let's go.
(glass breaks)
-The Proud Family ♪
-What? ♪
You and me will always be tight ♪
Family, every single day and night ♪
Even when you start acting like a fool ♪
You know I'm loving
Every single thing you do ♪
I know that I can always be myself ♪
Around you more than anybody else ♪
And every day
As I'm heading off to school ♪
You know there's no one
I love as much as you ♪
Family, a family ♪
Proud Family ♪
- They'll make you scream ♪
-(doorbell rings)
They'll make you want to sing ♪
It's a family thing, a family ♪
Proud, Proud Family ♪
The Proud Family ♪
They'll push your buttons ♪
And make you want to hug them ♪
Family, a family ♪
Proud, Proud Family ♪
(Oscar screams)
(baby cooing)
Come on, Oscar, get cleaned up.
My family will be here any minute
and you know how my mother
is about cleanliness.
Yeah, the same way
she feels about me: picky.
I don't know why they have
to stay here anyway.
Daddy the idea
is for us to bond as a family.
The only thing that's going to bond
this weekend
are my eyeballs to that TV set. (mutters)
Trudy! What did you do with my TV?
Now, you know how my father
feels about television.
Yeah, the same way he feels
about me: a waste of time.
Trudy, why do we always have
to go through all these changes
for your mother and father?
Yeah, y'all never do
anything special
when I come over to visit.
That's because you're always here, Mama.
You do something special every day,
it's no longer special.
It's just old, tired, and annoying.
-(crack)
-(scream)
Suga Mama,
where's the dress I bought for you?
Well, I'm wearing it.
Just made a few alterations.
But that was a $200 dress.
Now, it's a comfortable $200 dress
and a matching ensemble for Puff.
They're here! They're here!
Now, Oscar, be on your best behavior.
-(doorbell rings)
-You be nice to my parents
and they'll be nice to you.
Hey, Grandma and Grandpa!
Hello, Penny.
Well, look at you.
Look how beautiful you are.
Yeah, she's a Parker, all right.
She's looking more and more
like her mother every day.
Thank goodness. (grunts)
Hey, Mom! What's up, Doc?
That's Dr. and Mrs. Parker to you, Proud.
I see you're still wearing
last year's sweat stains.
I thought you two had broken up.
Mother, be nice to Oscar.
(woman) Is someone going to greet moi ?
Aunt Diana!
Hey, Auntie Leslie,
Uncle Reuben.
Where's Chanel? What's up, Chanel?
Diana! Broadway must be
having a fit this weekend
without its brightest star.
Yes, they are!
But they'll just have to manage.
The only stars this weekend
are little BeBe and CeCe.
Trudy, I just love your cozy little abode.
It reminds me of the guest cottage
at our summer estate on Martha's Vineyard.
Actually, I was thinking more like
the maid's quarters
on our villa in Brazil.
(chuckles) Please.
I was thinking more like
my Malibu Debbie doll house.
Minus the Malibu of course.
I mean, it's cute.
And so are you, Chanel.
Penny, why don't you take
your cousin up to your room
and show her where she can put her things.
Girl, we got a lot of catching up to do.
I haven't you since the fifth grade, Cous!
Chanel would do just fine.
And please tell me
your room is not in this house.
Where else would it be?
Someplace with a concierge.
Trudy, I see your maid
has been cutting corners.
And look at her.
I think it might be time
to hire some younger help.
-Don't start with me, Bougie.
-(Puff growling)
Mother! That's not our maid.
That's Suga Mama, Oscar's mother.
Of course. I thought I smelled mothballs.
(chuckling)
Hey, big guy
What do you say you and I
grab the rest of the bags?
I'll show you my latest toy.
Care to join us, Dad?
Don't mind if I do, son.
Yeah, Dad, come hang with the fellas.
I told you, it's Dr. Parker to you.
-So, what do you think?
-(gasps)
(Oscar) That's the SUV I saw
at the auto show last month.
It was just a concept car.
It's not even on the market yet.
When you make the money I do, big guy,
anything is on the market.
And when you make
the kind of money you do,
you can barely afford to go to market.
Hey, Oscar, I'm going to show you
something that will blow your mind.
Take a gander.
Now, pay close attention.
Man! How'd you do that?
Whatever the brain tells
the new hands-free SUV to do, it does.
No buttons necessary.
Let me try!
I-I can't get it to work.
He told you, Scarecrow.
It takes a brain for it to function.
Don't sweat it, big guy.
This baby adapts to any
intellectual level, even yours.
(effort grunts)
Now, we're cooking.
What's that smell?
Gotcha. Bingo! (laughs)
I told you it'd blow your mind.
-(loud rap music plays)
-What the heck is that?
For crying out loud, Proud.
Turn that mind-numbing music down!
That's not me, I'm not doing that.
Hey, that's my cousin Ray Ray and them.
(booming rap music playing)
(Ray Ray) The brakes is gone!
Hey! Move that SUV!
Hey, y'all better get out of the way!
(all gasp)
(screams)
(crash)
Hey, Ray Ray! Boonnetta!
I didn't think you guys would make it.
Now, Oscar, you know
a 72-hour drive couldn't keep us
from witnessing our cousin's baptism.
Where's your bathroom, baby?
Oscar, who are they?
You remember my cousins
Ray Ray and Boonnetta from the wedding?
The ones who ate the cake
before we had a chance to cut it?
Mm-hmm, that's them all right.
Oh, you sent them an invitation
without telling me?
No, I sent Bobby without telling you.
Don't worry, Trudy. Ch-ch-ch
They just came for the baptism.
And I came 'cause your sister Diana
Is off the map-tism, whoa, whoa ♪
Oscar, why?
If there's going to be a family battle,
I need backup.
But, Oscar, we don't have
enough room for your cousins.
Oh, but we have
enough room for your family?
I don't think so, Trudy.
If your family stays here, so does mine.
(arguing)
Diana, we got a lot
Of catching up to do ♪
You and me, girl, ooh ♪
Judging by your wardrobe,
I'd say you've got
about three decades of catching up to do.
(groans)
Excuse me, buddy.
That's my truck you hit out there.
I would like to see a copy
of your license and insurance.
Oh, I bet you would.
But I don't carry important documentation
like that on my person.
Well, look, homey
someone's going to have to pay
for the damages.
Oh, I agree, player.
But make the check out
to Ray Ray Proud or to "cash."
Or you can give me
that nice watch on your arm.
Whichever's easiest.
-Yeah, well we'll see
-Back at you, player.
Ooh, girl, you bling blinging.
Where you get those earrings?
-Can I try them on?
-Ow!
Mommy, Mommy, that baby's biting me.
-Don't worry about that baby.
-(burps)
S'mo don't have any teeth.
He just teething.
My goodness. Well, I've never
seen a teething teenager before.
Girl, he's not a teenager.
S'mo's a baby. He just turned ten.
Well, he's a mighty big ten-year-old.
Not ten years, ten months, boo.
Hey, Ray Ray!
How you like
my new swap meet earrings?
Well, what are we going to do, Oscar?
There aren't enough rooms for everyone.
Oh, don't worry yourself, Trudy.
We all family.
Look, we'll just race for them.
First one up to the rooms, they get them.
What you say about that, Papa Doc?
I wouldn't so much as consider taking part
in such a sophomoric and juvenile
Get out of my way.
Oh, I know he don't think he slick.
Little Ray Ray! S'mo!
Grab that Fu-Shnicken!
(yelling)
Okay, tent's up.
I don't know why we have
to camp out in the backyard.
If you hadn't overbooked Hotel Proud
with your country cousins
we wouldn't have to.
Now, go call everybody down for dinner!
You'd best put a "please" on that.
Ha! Ow!
Everybody come downstairs!
I know y'all heard me. Dinner!
(elephants trumpeting)
(utensils clanging)
Uh-uh-uh-uh, not yet, everybody.
Not before we say grace.
Penny, since this was your idea,
why don't you do the honors?
Okay.
Bless this table.
And let us remember
that there are many unfortunate people
around the world
who may never be able to enjoy
this kind of delicious home-cooked meal.
And most importantly,
thank you for bringing our family together
for BeBe and CeCe's baptism.
Now, let's eat. (gasps)
(burps loudly)
-Oh, heck!
-I don't believe!
All that food I made.
It's all gone.
Oh, calm down, Trudy.
They're growing boys.
It's not their fault.
If Penny the preacher down there
would've lightened up on the sermon
we all could've been burping.
Okay, okay, everything's under control.
We'll go out to eat and I'll buy.
You'll buy? Heh.
Where Proud?
Some place where they use a spork?
Don't worry, Papa Doc, it'll be classy.
(Ray Ray) Mm, The Red Clam.
Oh, sukie, sukie now.
Ha-ha! Oscar, I always said
you was my classy cousin.
You are paying for this, right?
Well, I must admit,
I'm quite impressed, Proud,
a restaurant without a drive-thru window
and a clown's head.
(laughs)
Yes, the decor's rustic, yet charming.
Although the service
leaves much to be desired.
I'll say. I have yet to see a waiter.
(muffled)
(laughter)
There are no waiters at the Red Clam.
(ship's bell rings)
And apparently,
there aren't any utensils either.
(all laughter)
Boo, you don't need no utensils
at the Red Clam.
Would someone mind
letting us in on the joke?
Don't worry, you'll get it.
(ship's horn blaring)
It's show time!
Everybody put on your slickers
'cause here comes the catch of the day.
Five four
three two one
You better stop sitting up there
looking all prissy and pretentious
and get your manicured
elbows knee-deep in these shrimp.
You expect a man of my stature
Oh, quit all that old huffin' and puffin'
and just eat.
Mm.
Out of my way, you savages.
(thunder crashing)
Uh-oh, here come the condiments.
Quick, put on your hoods.
(laughter)
Unhand it, you baby behemoth.
Now, back it up, Vincent.
I know you're not talking about my baby.
Now you've gone too far. Boonnetta.
Oh! Ray Ray.
Hold it, now.
Nobody better lay a clam on my woman.
(Ray Ray) Food fight!
Oh, no.
Please, family Prouds.
We're supposed to be family!
We're supposed to be close.
Oscar, must you sell Proud Snax
everywhere we go?
I want your dad to see that I don't run
some rinky-dink operation.
Hey, that is not a trash can!
Dijonay, I thought having my family
stay with us would be fun,
but it's turned into a nightmare.
I mean, all they do is fuss and fight.
Look at them.
Green light Red light
I said red light and you moved.
I did not move.
Hold on, baby, I'll handle this.
So, what you trying to say, Rulon?
It's Reuben. Roll the "R"
like you roll those eyes.
You better roll up
out of my space, R-R-Rhubarb.
You calling my wife a liar?
She said she was standing still.
She may have been standing still
but the rest of her was jiggling, baby.
Oh, so Sweet-a-licious got jokes.
Now, look here, Broadway
don't make me bring da noize.
You might as well.
You already brought da funk.
(all yelling)
See what I'm saying?
Dijonay, are you listening?
Huh? Oh, yeah, I know how you feel, girl.
But what's up with your cute cousin
over there in the baggy white shorts?
(flies buzzing)
(Penny) S'mo?
Oh, S'mo.
He's got a cute name, too.
I want me S'mo. Hey!
He was over here earlier
trying to spit a little game at me.
Spit game?
Dijonay, he was probably just spitting up.
He's only ten months old.
Girl, please. I think you've been sipping
that Hatorade again.
Set, ready, down.
Hut one, hut two, child.
Hut, hut
Hike.
(cheering)
(laughing) Hey, get me.
Ready break!
92, 50, 7
Hut, hut, hut
Ain't nobody scoring on me.
Not this here.
(Mrs. Parker) Cocoa, Cocoa.
Get it, Cocoa. Go, Cocoa.
Touchdown!
(cheering)
Hey, that's an illegal dog downfield.
(laughing) So what?
We didn't argue about
the crusty old woman downfield.
Oh, now that's what I'm talking about.
It's about to get paramedical up in here.
Kids, you might want to sit this one out.
This about to get ugly.
Dang, Penny, I could have stayed at home
if I wanted to see
grownups fight like that.
I got to go.
But, hey, I got S'mo's digits, girl.
But he doesn't have a phone.
Isn't that a phone on his hip?
(Penny) That's a baby monitor, Dijonay.
Oh well, I'm going to call him anyway.
They are so intolerable.
No, she's right, Penny.
I'm tired of all this fighting.
Let's go get a dozen McWizard burgers.
How? The mall is five miles away.
I have the keys to my dad's truck.
But we're not old enough to drive.
If we use our heads,
we don't have to drive.
Just come on. You'll see.
Dang, Uncle Reuben's
truck is off the heezy.
For sheezy.
Yeah, but here comes the pol-eezy.
Oh, no, that's Ms. Boulevardez
and she's my mom's best friend.
She's also five-o.
Everybody get down. If she catches us,
we gon' spend the next ten years
in boarding school.
Hey, Oscar, nice truck!
Chill, Penny.
She thinks your dad is driving.
Hey, you're right.
I'd better wave back at her.
(truck horn blaring)
Oh, no! Oscar!
(screaming)
What the?
(siren wailing)
What on Earth were you kids thinking?
Trudy, we know what they were thinking.
That's how you drive the truck.
Do you realize how lucky you are
that Sunset pulled you over
and not some other officer?
They would have thrown
your little butts in jail.
Well, whose idea was this?
Like you got to ask, Rogaine.
It was your little daughter.
Please. Chanel knows better.
I'm sure the overweight grub over there
had something to do with it.
I know you're not talking about my baby.
Besides, my baby ain't never taken
anything that's not his.
Except the entire dinner last night.
You Proud's are nothing but trouble.
Oh, you ain't seen trouble yet.
Those are fighting words.
(all shouting)
That's it. We're leaving now.
Come on, everyone.
But what about the twins' baptism?
I'm sorry, honey,
but if going to the baptism
means being held hostage
in the same place with these cretins
I done had it from you, Doc.
If you call me one more name
that I don't understand,
you ain't going to have to worry
about no baptism.
You're going to have to worry
about a slap-tism.
Come on, family, grab your bags.
Rough riders let's roll.
-(loud slam)
-(twins crying)
Oscar, this is all your fault.
My fault?
If it wasn't for your country cousin,
Ray Ray, and his hungry hungry
What about your highfalutin' family?
They got their noses
so high up in the air,
if it rained, they'd drown.
Well, you better hope
it doesn't rain tonight
because you're the one
sleeping in the tent!
I don't think so. This is my house
and that is exactly where
I'm sleeping in my house.
(Oscar) That's all right.
This is my tent, too.
And this is my fluffy black pillow.
Mm, I guess this isn't so bad.
What's that funk?
(Oscar) Skunk! Trudy!
Help me! Somebody!
Ah!
I just wanted you guys to know
that Ray Ray and Boonnetta
decided to go home.
So, since my mama's family's gone
there's no reason for you not to come.
And it would mean so much to the twins
if you guys came to the baptism tomorrow.
Well, since those Prouds are gone
maybe we can finally enjoy ourselves.
Yeah, we'll be there, Boo.
Now, that the Bougie bunch is gone,
we ain't gonna have to hurt nobody.
Hey, y'all! Sorry we're late.
We just finished a Wizard
$3.99 all-you-can-eat buffet.
What are those people doing here?
For your information, Doc,
Cousin Penny invited us.
What are you doing here?
We heard you and the snooty foxes
took a one-way truck back to Bougieville.
(all) Bougieville?
(loud shouting)
(Penny) Quiet!
You guys are acting ridiculous.
I looked forward to this weekend
for a long time because I thought
it would be great
to have everyone here together.
But all you guys have done is fight
and bicker the entire time.
Yeah, and I don't like
having to choose sides.
I love my Cousin Penny
and I love my Cousin Chanel.
If we can get along,
how come you grownups can't?
Those children are right.
The way we've been acting
is a downright embarrassment.
And now is the time
to put all our differences aside
and become one family for BeBe and CeCe.
I agree with Trudy.
But I must admit, it was funny seeing
my mama clock your mama
on the football field.
-Oscar!
-No, Trudy, I
I must agree with my son-in-law.
It was funny seeing Maureen get clocked.
Hey, Trudy, your daddy called me son.
Put 'er there, Pop.
(sobbing)
Oh, making up is such a beautiful,
beautiful thing, child.
(Penny) This weekend finally
turned out the way I thought it would.
I think we've all learned
to cherish every moment
we spend together as a family.
No matter how much
we argue and fight at times,
when it comes down to it,
we already love each other.
Give me back my pudding, S'mo!
(laughing)
(laughing)
(laughing)
Oh, it's on now.
(Ray Ray)
Did she just throw her teeth at me?
(theme music playing)