The Sopranos s02e05 Episode Script

You miss your first session, they won't refund my money.
I forgot, i gotta take care of this first.
Here he is.
How's it goin', buddy? Don't you own a fuckin' mirror? You look like you been french kissing the pillsbury dough boy.
Alright, c'mon, what do you got for me, man? What the fuck, dominic? It's half.
Three fuckin' weeks in a row now.
Business slow! We tell you! We pay security, what for? Kid break window, you do nothing! We pay no more! What'd she fuckin' say? Nothing, don't listen to her.
C'mon, honey, let's go.
Honey, out front.
C'mon.
Now! Fucking bitch.
You got money for blow, but not for us? Chris, please, i'm sorry-- "business slow.
" Half the fucking neighborhood's out there waiting for blow jobs.
You drug- addict motherfucker.
This shit's unacceptable.
How's everything? How you doin', hon? Third time this week, artie.
He can't turn down a four- top.
You're done already? About time you came back.
I was about to start on your drapes.
What the fuck is that? Quail, ala' bucco.
Baby quail stuffed with fennel sausage.
Can i get aids from eating this? Hey, artie, didn't i see this guy in the park this morning takin' a shit on a statue? Jesus christ, i'm tryin' something new.
Hey, broaden your horizons.
Forget this fancy shit, you know what you need here? Top- notch moozadell' maker.
Like that kid from the other side.
The best fuckin' cheese you ever had.
The best.
They get the real milk.
Seriously, this kid, all he does 24 hours a day he makes buffalo moozadell'.
He's a master cheese maker.
So's paulie.
Oh, yeah, alright, alright.
Arthur, the bank! Enjoy.
I'll catch you later.
You better run.
Why don't she go to the bank? Swing by after she takes her broom for an oil change.
I'll be right back.
Good wine, no? Delicious.
Artie.
You know that guy i was talkin' about over there with the cheese? He's my cousin.
Oh, yeah? Yeah.
I haven't told anybody yet, but he's coming over.
I thought maybe you can hire him, you know, help me out with the immigration.
Kitchen's pretty packed, tony.
I can barely pay myself.
Did i ask you to pay him? I'll take care of the money.
Why's he want to come in here if he's already got a job over there? You know what, either do me the favor or not.
Third grade on up, you needed something, i was there, no questions.
Does he at least know his ass from his schamozz'? The actor is the instrument for conveying ideas.
During the next this is "acting for writers"? And your first assignment is to act like a writer who gets here on time.
Sorry.
The tunnel.
As writers, you'll find it enormously helpful to walk a mile in the actor's shoes.
Imagine being an architect who's never lifted a stone.
Over the next few weeks, we'll focus on improv and scene study.
Why don't we begin by introducing ourselves? What your experience is, where you're from mitch mcdermott.
Born and raised in hartsdale, but please, don't hold that against me.
B.
A.
In english lit from ithaca, i've written a few specs, haven't actually sold anything yet.
Right now i'm on the sales team down at chick brauer, porsche/audi.
Great, welcome.
My name is chris maceveety.
I work on wall street.
Not on wall street, but you know, stocks.
You write? Yeah i want to writ e for the movies.
"Goodfellas", shit like that.
Any special reason you chose this class? I didn't.
It's a birthday present from my girlfriend.
I had some problem s with my screenplay so, i bought that book, "how to write a movie in 21 days".
That was like a year ago.
Well, i can't guarantee you'll write any faster, but hopefully you'll learn a few things.
My name is cynthia weller.
I was born in savanna, but my family moved to hempstead when i was five.
Despite soprano's recent medical furlough from jail, where he was awaiting trial, sources in the u.
S.
Attorney's office indicate that nephew anthony soprano probably remains the de facto boss of the north jersey mob.
Soprano, seen here in an fbi surveillance photo, with family associate salvatore "big pussy" bonpensiero, was believed to be the target of a botched murder attempt last year jesus fuckin' christ.
How come every piss i take is a fuckin' news story? Oh.
Let's walk.
I had coffee with your friend from the railroad.
Sounds like mag and custom wheels.
Could be sweet.
I need you to head out to newark for me.
Airport? Al italia.
Friend of ours is coming in.
Who, mauro zucca's wife? No, furio.
Furio? Coming here? What, to see what indoor plumbing looks like? I'm making some changes.
Well, thanks for fuckin' tellin' me.
When was this decided? I do something wrong? Sunday, my house, box of mallomars on the counter? Fuckin' empty.
You think i don't know it was you? I'm kiddin', you fuck.
Listen, him coming over is good, you're gettin' a bump.
Fuckin' mallomars, i thought you lost your mind.
Listen, the way things are, i gotta step back.
Feds find an excuse, i'll do a dime for jaywalking.
Not like the old days.
Furio being here, frees you up, frees me up.
It's me, then you and sil together.
That's the new pecking order.
What about puss'? Pussy reports to you guys directly.
Same with furio.
This means a lot to me, t.
It was a downpour.
He couldn't see anything.
It was impossible.
Where are you in the dream? I'm there.
I could observe everything.
He's driving, he starts to hyperventilate.
He grabs for a bottle of prozac, but it's empty.
And all the while this is happening that song from "the wizard of oz" is playing.
"Over the rainbow".
No, that other one, they're in the poppy field.
That one.
Anyway, he goes into a full- blown panic attack and he passes out.
He crashes into this huge truck.
Out of the woods.
The fact that he can't see the road ahead suggests my abandoning him.
Who in "wizard" would your patient be? Given the fact that he's a powerful, dominating male oz himself.
What, elliot, with the eyebrows already.
"The wizard of oz", what memories does it conjure up? My parents' house, watching it on tv.
Hiding under the blanket with my sister.
I'm gaining weight.
Why do we love roller coasters, jennifer? Scary movies? To experience the thrill of being terrified without the consequences.
That's very good, elliot.
Great film, but some terrifying moments.
That's very perceptive i'm concerned that treating a mobster provides you some vicarious thrill.
It wasn't exactly vicarious.
I had to go into hiding, remember? And wasn't that thrilling? Fuck you! You think this is funny? You smug cocksucker! Fuck you! Hello.
Who's this? She's not here right now.
This is her brother.
No.
Yeah, that's m y mother's house.
On the what? Yeah, i'll give he r the fuckin' message.
That fuckin' bitch.
What's the matter? It's a bank.
She's trying to take out a loan on my mother's house.
Parvati? Janice.
Her name is fuckin' janice, okay! She gave'em the wrong social security number or something! Alright, tony, calm down.
It's not enough that she's livin' rent free, she's gotta try to squeeze money out of the fuckin' house, too! Fucking goddamn fucking bitch! Goddamn it, tony! What did i say, a.
J.
? Go get dressed.
I'm sorry.
Why don't you grow the fuck up? I forgot to tell you i got a job with radio shack.
Product testing.
Giving that phone an "f" for durability.
Janice, it's me, open the door! What the fuck are you doin' here? Where's my sister? The store.
I'm making breakfast, you want some eggs? Do i want some eggs? Why don't you put your fuckin' pants on? Let's have some coffee.
So, what the fuck, rich? The mattress at the shelter a little too lumpy? We're adults, tony.
We got history together.
Yeah.
Israel and fuckin' palestine.
People change.
I was away a long time.
I thought a lot about her.
Ten years, you thought about janice? There are men in the can better- looking than my sister.
To each his own, tony.
Each his own.
I hope you're not thinkin' about movin' in here.
It was late, i slept over.
We're taking it slow, okay? Pickin' up where we left off.
High school.
Grabbin' blow jobs on my mother's couch.
You crossed the line on me once, anthony, and i held my tongue.
She may be your sister , but back the fuck off.
All due respect.
Respect? What the fuck do you know about respect? I put you back in business, you cocksucker.
Did you go see beansie? Fuckin' paraplegic.
Why don't you make him some fuckin' eggs? Hello? Hey, i thought that was your car-- where do you get the balls to take a loan on this house? What? You heard me! What is it, his fuckin' idea? Like you could pay it the fuck back! I'm quite capable of getting a job, tony.
Yeah, with your carpel tunnel syndrome? How you gonna hold a beggar's cup? I never begged a day in my life.
Oh, you're right.
Fake disabilities don't count.
I applied for the loan simply because i'm trying to make this place habitable for ma.
Oh.
I'll take care of the loan.
Don't worry about it, i'll give you the money.
Oh, look at this.
Ozzie and fuckin' harriet here.
That's beautiful.
Stay as long as you like, rich.
She's your fuckin' problem now.
This is a no- stopping zone, ma'am.
The sign's right over there.
Oh, i'm sorry, i didn't see it.
I left my glasses at home.
It says here you're required to wear them for driving.
Now, into this mix comes brenda's husband, omar, who's just leaving the market with a bag of oranges.
What's the trouble here, officer? Your wife's getting a ticket.
Maybe i can change your mind.
Whoa, whoa, what are you doing? You're dropping your fuckin' oranges.
Very good, chris, great improv.
There we have it.
Listen.
Any questions? Okay, then, let's see what the pros have to teach us.
For next time.
Phil and joanne scene two, "barefoot in the park".
Chris, mitch and cynthia scenes six and seven, "the glass menagerie".
Chris, you are the gentleman caller.
Okay.
Bob and amy the breast milk, little each eye.
Nobody tells me nothing.
Who's the zip anyway? He's a friend of ours.
We'll talk later.
What's the matter? Nothin'.
Come here.
You having a good time? The food's good, right? Your home this is spectacular.
The television, thethe satellite.
The amc.
"Two women" is on.
La loren.
We don't even show this in italy.
Nobody care.
Tell'em what your favorite tv program is.
The p.
D.
Blue.
Garden state's a freakin' parking lot.
Oh, look who it is.
Christopher.
How you doing, man? What the hell are you doin' here? I come, tony make a party for me.
Hey, furio, come here a second.
I want you to meet somebody.
Scusa.
What the fuck? He's on vacation? Yeah, he saw a travel poster for sunny new jersey.
He's with us now? Mmm.
Guess i didn't get the memo.
Would you've read it if you got one? Where the fuck you been anyway? Did you talk to that guy down at the tanning salon? He only had half.
Again? Ask me, it's that chinese cunt he's married to.
Bad influence.
She's a filipino.
I wasn't sure what you wanted.
I want you to send him a past- due notice, what the fuck do you think i want? Alright, i'll take care of it.
You know what, leave it alone.
You sure? Yeah.
Carmela.
What do you want? I brought some cookies, the pignolis.
Our relative from the other side is here, i should pay my resp-- "what did you say, about glass?" "Collection i said, i have one.
" "Know what i judge to be the trouble with you? "Inferiority complex.
"Know what that is? "That's what they call it when someone low- rates himself.
"For instance, "that clumping you thought was so awful in high school.
"You gave up your education for a clump.
A little physical defect is what you have.
" Little physical defect? She's a fuckin' gimp, for chrissake.
You were doin' so good.
It doesn't make any sense.
The guy's a player and he's trying to fuck this broad? Where does it say he is trying to fuck her, christopher? Please.
Maybe he is not.
You ever think that's why he's the gentleman caller? Maybe he's a gentleman.
He's a douchebag.
So quit.
I'm not gonna quit.
I'll just get a different scene.
I like you as an actor.
Joe pesci or something.
"This is jericho, cell leader of the s.
O.
S.
"Let it be known from this day forth that lawlessness will not be tolerated.
" "Jimmy hollywood", c'mon.
Hey, tony.
I'll just be a few minutes.
Why don't you fix yourself a drink or something, okay? What's up? A guy named danny greco called me.
Asked me for a loan.
Said you'll vouch.
Danny? Yeah.
I told you danny was good for whatever.
Oh, yeah? Yeah, at the steak house.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Since i'm here, can i talk to you about something? It absolutely has to stay between the two of us.
Alright, on any fuckin' scale you want to use, things are going good.
I'm firmly in charge, no trouble there.
My family's healthy.
Right? So, why the fuck am i ripping phones out of the wall in front of my kid and screaming at my sister all the fucking time, although, she is totally unimportant to me? You got a lot on your mind.
'Cause i'm the boss.
You see, that's the point.
You never saw carlo or lucky or douglas macarthur going around punching fucking walls.
What if i told you i went to see a shrink? I had an inkling.
Every once in a while, i get anxious.
You know, just in general, no reason.
It's like, i'm in my kitchen.
All of a sudden i can't breathe.
It's like i'm suffocating.
I get to the point where i fuckin' pass out.
Hmph.
It's just like your father.
What is? He had the same thing.
My old man had anxiety attacks? Well, in those days we called it a "condition".
Didn't happen that often, once or twice a year.
Holy shit.
He cracked his head open once on a cigarette machine.
Did he go to a doctor? Your father, what, are you kidding? It wouldn't have made any difference in those days.
They wouldn't know how to treat that shit.
Not much better now.
There was an article in "new york times" magazine.
They've got this machine.
It can see images of the brain and how your brain responds to fear.
Fear? A person listening to a tape of a parent criticizing them, i'm talking about an adult, mind you, their fear center kicks right in.
They can actually see it in an mri.
I had this fuckin' weird dream the other night.
When i had the polyps, they put me through that fuckin' mri.
I'm telling ya.
I think they used my ass to invent some new tests.
I was at the beach, but i had a suit on.
And the shoes too.
They shove a camera up your ass the size of a garden hose.
You wanna hear this fuckin' dream or not? Alright.
Got a sec? Sure, what's up? It's my scene.
Gentleman- caller guy.
It's it's not me.
It's not supposed to be.
That's why they call it "acting".
I know, it's just i'd rather do something else.
I already spoke to what's his name? Mitch.
Cynthia, too.
They're cool with changing.
Alright.
Alan's scene partner dropped out, so, i gotta find something for him anyway "rebel without a cause", james dean.
Copy it for the others, okay? Take it home, get comfortable with it.
That's great, cool.
I don't want a james dean impression.
Yeah.
No.
Poor ducks.
You are poor creatures.
Poor creatures.
You are such poor creatures.
Don't give'em that shit! They like it.
Hey, what'd i tell you? He's gonna choke! Little pieces, they're hungry.
Not for fuckin' cheese doodles, they're not.
They eat bread and corn and shit like that.
So, you know everything.
Yeah, i do.
Family of mallards lived in my pool for two fuckin' months.
Yeah, you.
What'd he say? Nothing.
A lot of fucking words for nothing.
He said,"if i don't like to fight, i should find myself a russian.
" Tony, no! You got a problem besides those fuckin' pants? You shouldn't yell.
Oh, yeah? You should mind your own fuckin' business.
I make business, she is nice girl.
Are you a family counselor? You wanna get involved in people's problems? Here, now you're fuckin' involved, okay? These are balls, right? Yes.
Do something.
You want to be involved, now you're involved.
You let go! I call police! Mind your fuckin' business! Fuck you! I call police! Fuck you! Fuck! Get your shit, we're going.
C'mon.
Move your ass! Why do you always have to ruin everything? Huh? Just move your ass.
"Help me.
"Daddy.
Daddy.
" "You can depend on me.
"Trust me.
Whatever comes, we'll face it together.
" Oh, fuck this shit! You said you weren't gonna laugh.
I didn't laugh.
Baby, you were doin' so good.
Nah, fuck this.
Christopher.
Absolutely not.
Just do the work you were assigned.
Well, how about the scene where i'm playing chicken and i dive out of the car right before that asshole, buzz, goes off the cliff? There's no dialogue in that scene.
The knife fight, then.
No.
I already changed it once.
I gave you this scene because it's challenging.
This russian fuck i'm friggin' lucky i didn't get hauled in.
That would've played great with uncle junior and everybody else after my ass.
I had to run like a bitch from my own leisure- time activities.
Mmm.
If carmela would've known who i was on the boat with okay, that's nothing new.
But my kids? It happens, okay? What the fuck is wrong with me? Got some kind of a complex.
What kind? Sleep always helps.
You want to go to sleep, go ahead! Hey.
Jesus christ.
Easy does it, laddy buck.
You know, i was never particularly good with my fists, but there was one guy who almost drove me to murder.
Lately, i feel this aversion to my swimming pool.
It depresses me.
Cocksucker was a sound engineer at one of my studios.
Talked about germany all the time.
I actually find myself avoiding the backyard.
He wasn't a nazi, he just kind of rubbed me the wrong way.
One time, i was pulling into a parking lot.
He was two spots over and he was rotating his tires like it was a goddamn service station so i said to him "straight back, back as far as they could take me.
"And then it all dissolved.
Everything dissolved.
" That's it, that's the end.
Very good, omar.
And just say,"scene" when you're done, okay? Chris, mitch, cynthia and alan, our rebels without causes.
Okay, so, we are at the planetarium.
Alan is jim's friend, plato, who is about to get mistakenly shot by the police.
Mitch is his father and cynthia is his troubled friend, judy.
Shut the lights! Make them go away! Plato! Keep away from me! I don't believe you anymore! Gunshot! Jim! I got the bullets! Look! Oh, god! The cops swarm in let him alone, that's my son.
When i saw the red jacket, i thought hey, jerkpot.
What'd you do that for? You can't help it, son.
You did everything a man could.
Help me, daddy.
Daddy, help me.
Daddy.
You can depend on me.
Trust me.
Whatever comes, we'll face it together.
It's okay, jim, stand up.
I'll stand up with you.
I'll try and be as strong as you want me to be.
Poor baby got nobody.
Just nobody.
He was always cold.
Dad, this is judy.
She's my friend.
Scene.
Un- freaking- believable! God, you were really good.
Great job, chris.
How'd you make yourself cry like that? You wanna watch your ashes, please.
I be outside.
You know, we should hit a devil's game some night.
Still get tickets from the greek? Right on the fuckin' ice.
I'll bring my sweater.
Hey, chef of the future, have a seat.
How you doin', foodio? Furio.
You didn't stomp those grapes yourself, did you? Look at this group.
Hey, mr.
New york.
What'd you do, swim across that river? Come over here, you.
Congratulations.
Thanks.
Don't get up.
I wasn't gonna.
You piece of shit.
Say hello to furio, friend of ours from the other side.
Oh, hey, i heard a lot about you.
Nice to meet you.
Yeah, me too, my pleasure.
So, what's up? Puss, you wanna give us a minute? I'm in the middle of fuckin' eatin'.
I know do me a favor, will you, sweetie? Keep this warm.
Thank you.
Five minutes, alright? I gotta make a call anyway.
It's like all these years were for nothing.
What'd i tell you? You think tony really gives a flyin' fuck about you? This thing of ours.
Fuckin' joke.
More like, "this thing of mine".
It's the same all over.
Look out for number one.
You don't understand, we go fuckin' back.
I mean, silvio, i get, but fuckin' paulie? He's probably dizzy from all that hair spray.
And this other one, the geep.
Foodio, furio.
If ever there was a guy in desperate need of a fuckin' nickname.
At least he's italian.
Try being passed over for a samoan.
Sesaga.
Three years out of quantico, he's the new agent in charge.
You're fuckin' kiddin' me, what happened to paterno? Kansas city.
It's like tony says himself, "most of the guys in this life, there's no fuckin' honor.
" Forget your enemies, you can't even depend on your friends.
Whole society's fucked.
And the ones comin' up? Half of them are on drugs, the other half are fuckin' psychos.
A world full of scumbags.
I'm thinking about taking my patient back.
That's a serious decision.
He's my responsibility.
Elliot, i abandoned him.
We've been over this.
Your life is in danger.
Not any more.
Do you realize what i did last week? I stormed out of here like a child.
Cursing, threatening, acting out.
That's exactly what he does to me.
I'm feeling so fuck, i don't know where this is coming from.
You mentioned you've put on a little weight lately.
Do you think the over- eating has anything to do with your patient? What is it you're not telling me, jennifer? I don't know.
I don't know what you mean.
Okay.
I don't.
What are you driving at? Just watch your intake of sugar and sugar substitutes.
Okay.
We spoke last time about childhood fascinations with danger.
I think seeing him again will be very therapeutic for me.
It's not supposed to be therapeutic for you.
This is your therapy, here.
Do you have sexual feelings for him? No.
I have feelings, on a personal level.
He can be such a little boy sometimes.
Alright, that's it, the one with the palm tree.
There's a buzzer under the desk, an office in the back.
Tell me again what i said.
It's not just dominic who is the problem.
It's the wife, too.
Here.
May i help you? Ah, what are you doing? Stop, stop! Ah! No! Oh! Please stop! Goddamn you! Sonofabitch! Cocksucker! Go, goddamn! You go! We pay money! Goddamn! Sonofabitch! Yeah? It's dr.
Melfi.
Yeah, so.
I tried your other number.
If you want, i could fit you in tomorrow at 2:30.
So, do i put you down? Nah, fuck it.
Why do you say that? Gettin' by without it.
There's no cure for life.
Well you think about it.
I'll keep the hour open.
Yeah.
"A".
"B".
"A"! "B".
"A".
"B".
Outstanding.
A case in point.
Words are only words.
You just saw two actors have an entire conversation saying only "a" and the other responding "b".
Mitch, christopher? Want to give it a try? "A".
Stop it! Christopher! This is inappropriate! We do not hit! Oh, my god jesus! Are you okay? Are you alright? Ah! Oh, my god, sorry i think it's broken.
We should get you to a doctor.
There's nothing they can do for a broken toe.
They just tape it up and send you home.
I've been there.
Babe, i don't understand, the guy didn't say anything? He didn't have to, that was the point of the whole fuckin' exercise.
But he didn't flip you off or nothing.
You said so yourself.
Maybe doing that scene brought up some bad feelings.
What scene? You know, where he was supposed to be your father.
You said the class all clapped and everything.
I was fuckin' acting.
I was better than mitch, that's all.
Even i knew that.
Maybe he really reminded you of your father and that's why you got so into it.
And maybe that's why you hit him tonight.
My father? All those feelings you hav e about how he died so young.
Oh, fuck that.
Acting is mostly feelings unless the actor's driving a car, sword- fighting or something.
You want to write? Feelings is what it's all about.
Revealing your innermost feelings is the best kind of writing.
And how do you know what it's all about, huh? From writing down orders at the fuckin' restaurant? Ow! Alright, take it easy! Your whole thing with script- writing, who else is behind you? Who even knows about it? I hated seeing you suffer with that writer's block.
When i read the ad in the paper, "acting for writers", i couldn't wait to get it for you for your birthday.
I'm sorry.
Adriana, i'm sorry! Are you still taking your medication? Off and on.
Well, you should either take it or don't take it, okay? In the coffee shop, you mentioned that you had a panic attack that led to an automobile accident.
That seems like years ago.
You mean, you're so busy, or you mean that you're angry with me for not agreeing to treat you then? I found out a little medical history.
My old man had the same thing.
Panic attacks followed by passin' out.
Cracked his head open on a cigarette machine.
Interesting.
Interesting? That's it? You're not gonna send me for fuckin' tests or something? Did you read the article in "the times"? Anthony, what is it you want to achieve here? What i want to achieve? I wanna stop passin' out.
I wanna stop fuckin' panicking.
I want to direct my power and my fuckin' anger against the people in my life that deserve it.
I wanna be in total control.
There's no such thing as total control.
Of course there is.
You want to be a better gang leader, read "the art of war" by sun zu.
You know what? Fuck you.
You know who i am and you know what i do.
You called me.
You know where i was yesterday when you called? I was outside a whorehouse while the guy that works for me was inside beating the shit out of a guy that owes me money.
Broke his arm, put a bullet in his kneecap.
How'd that make you feel? I wished it was me in there.
Giving the beating or taking it?