Vikingane (2016) s02e05 Episode Script

The day has come to bring down a tyrant!
Our lives are not worth living
if we don't have our freedom!
Let's show Arvid
that he may take our lives,
but he can never take our freedom!
I mean, that whole thing about freedom
does not apply to you slaves, OK?
You are a breed of subhumans.
And the whole thing about freedom
and the value of that,
that does not apply to you.
Where was I?
Yeah.
What we do in this life,
echoes in eternity!
Death to Arvid!
- Orm.
- Hm?
Just lay low, OK?
Let the plan unfold.
Yes.
I'm just so excited.
Yeah, I understand. But it's
very important just to stay focused.
Because we are so near our goal.
I can practically smell Rome.
Rome
The city that never sleeps.
Yes.
OK.
They're here any minute now, so
I guess you can lead the attack.
Yeah. I mean, the commander
leads the attack. Yes.
Yeah, so
Are you going to set up a perimeter
and form a front?
Or what's your plan?
Hm?
Eh
Your plan.
Well, no, I'm
I'm the type of leader who, you know,
leads from further back.
That, you know,
gives me a better perspective.
I can see the bigger picture, kind of.
I think the commander
is supposed to be at the front.
Yeah?
Actually no, not in a peasant army.
In a peasant army,
the commander is expected to have
a more passive role.
- OK?
- Yeah.
You realize you sort of have
a target on your back, right?
What do you mean?
Well, you're new as a chieftain
and people might want to test you,
Jarl Varg and such people.
Yeah, I've thought about it.
I'll just keep my distance from Varg.
- Then everything should be all right.
- OK?
It's like I always say:
Keep your friends close,
and your enemies a little farther away.
Frøya, why don't you walk a while
back here, with your husband?
We're discussing allocations of tents,
and I told them
that we definitely want to sleep together.
OK, I'll just be in the back here,
if you need me.
So you're just going to stay here
in hiding? That's your plan?
No!
Everyone attacks when I blow this horn.
That's the plan.
Everyone but you.
You know what?
If you make sure you spend
anywhere near as much energy
on this ambush
as you do now
criticizing your commander,
this whole thing will go just great.
Arvid and his gang won't stand a chance.
So go find your place!
Huh?
Can you believe it?
Comes up here and tries to lecture me
on how to organize a peasant revolt?
I mean, I invented the peasant revolt!
Lecturing me
I'm lecturing him!
Man down!
Shield wall!
Man down!
We're sitting ducks here!
Let me in!
Two lines!
Now!
I need a medicine man!
Were we just attacked?
Kind of seemed like it.
Orm?
Arvid
I'm so sorry.
For everything.
I'll see you on the other side.
Forgive me.
Well, don't just stand there!
Save him!
Save him!
Hang in there, Orm.
It's gonna be OK.
I don't think there's much
that needs to be saved.
What?
They didn't exactly use
live arrows.
Just the fact that it didn't cross their
minds that arrows need to be pointed.
I'm disappointed.
Orm, wake up.
No
No, but I was seriously hit.
A mortal wound to the heart.
That's just
It's so low.
It's sad.
I knew something strange was going on.
I got hit by many arrows,
but nothing happened.
Me too.
I felt immortal there for a moment.
Seriously, I think I was gone
for a few seconds.
It's like I was floating
- You were sleeping.
- No, no.
If it isn't Eigil.
Congrats on a great peasant revolt.
I told you.
Waging war is a profession.
Arvid, I'm the first to admit that
That you were right.
I mean,
the art of war is not for everyone.
So this will not happen again.
No.
It won't.
No
Ragnar.
Ørn.
What's the point of this?
You've won already!
Arvid, this is the stupidest thing
you can do.
And why is that?
Just because I'm the last surviving farmer
for miles around.
If something happens to me,
you will die of hunger.
Who's gonna give you food?
Who's gonna teach new farmers?
I mean, you have only me.
He's got a point.
Yeah.
I do.
Arvid.
If you look around,
you will see that I'm actually
the most important person here.
Ahem.
Huh?
Let's go.
Yes!
Hi there.
Good to see you.
Good to see you.
Nice to see you.
We are gathered here
for this meeting of the landsthing.
We come in peace.
And we leave
in peace.
Whomsoever violates
this thing-peace
will be declared
an outlaw.
Those who seek
to resolve disputes,
are asked to turn them in
now.
And I hereby declare
this thing open!
Frøya?
Can you
tickle my arm a little?
Ain't gonna happen.
No.
So.
I talked to the Thingman.
And it turns out that you, Arvid,
have been summoned.
- By Jarl Varg.
- What for?
He wants to lay claim to that map.
But I wouldn't worry.
You have a pretty solid case.
Yeah, I hope so.
- Just don't let Varg get to you.
- Of course.
If we violate the thing-peace,
we're in trouble.
I'll be cool as a cucumber.
You'll never get me agitated.
I actually have as a principle
never getting agitated.
But it's important you don't
come across as weak, either.
Don't let them run you over.
There's room for temperament.
Temperature is only healthy.
Just follow your instincts, Arvid,
and I'm sure this is going to be
totally painless.
- Be yourself.
- Everyone else is taken.
Arvid?
Just one thing.
- What are you doing?
- I gave you the Judas kiss.
- The what?
- The Judas kiss.
It's what Judas Iscariot
gave Jesus from Nazareth.
As a death sentence
and a definitive and final goodbye.
It was almost 800 years ago,
so no wonder you hadn't heard about it.
That was gross.
That is not OK.
That's almost sexual harassment.
Orm.
Don't tell him that.
He might get suspicious.
But if I hadn't told him, he would
have thought it was just a regular kiss.
Yes, but
First
to the dispute between Jarl Varg
and chieftain Arvid of Norheim.
Regarding a promise given to Jarl Varg
by the deceased chieftain Olav.
Varg?
This is correct, your honor.
Chieftain Olav
was sent on a mission by me
to find a route to the West.
I was promised
that a map would be drawn up.
And handed over to me.
What do you have to say to that, Arvid?
What Jarl Varg says is true.
They had an agreement.
Then
Varg attacked Norheim.
And they ended up raping
the chieftain at the time.
Orm.
And you just don't rape chieftains
and demand maps in return.
That's just wrong.
At least that's my opinion.
- Is this true?
- Objection, your honor.
It may have started out as chieftain rape.
But the tables suddenly turned.
So that the chieftain
actually became the active part.
- OK?
- Yes.
The chieftain used fingers and tongue
and counter-humped so violently
that he went from
"ravishee" to "ravisher."
I think maybe that's enough.
So if anyone is to be accused
of being raped,
it has to be the original rapist.
Yes, because
I actually ended up raping him.
With my
anus.
So the answer to whether
the chieftain of Norheim was raped,
is a resounding no.
Fine.
- That sounds plausible.
- Absolutely.
But, Jarl Varg,
did you attack Norheim?
That's the only thing
we really need to know here.
Well, I suppose
some parts of it are true.
There were some disagreements
and some fairly gruesome murders.
Allow us to confer.
And we will return with our verdict.
The thing rules
in favor of
Chieftain Arvid!
He retains the right
to keep the map.
Allow me to introduce,
Chieftain Arvid
with a gift.
As a token of peace.
- Wow! A knife!
- Yes.
Check it out.
- Look at those details.
- Yes.
Thanks, Varg. I'll say
It's awesome.
And you know what's funny?
It has a very special history.
Yeah?
Cool.
- Perhaps you want to hear it?
- Yeah. Sure.
- Who's that?
- He's the leader of the nomads.
It was his knife.
Yes.
It was my knife.
And I stabbed it into your chieftain.
Until it met no more resistance.
And I really, really enjoyed it.
Isn't that fun, Arvid?
And here you are with the same knife.
He was tough
when he cut off my ear.
But he cried like a
baby
when he met that knife.
No!
Arvid violated the thing-peace!
He's an outlaw!
Run, Arvid!
Arvid is fair game.
It's everyone's duty to kill him.
Kill the walrus!
Shh!
Allow me to introduce myself.
My name
is Rufus of Rome.
I am Norheim's new Lawspeaker.
And I have an announcement to make.
Arvid violated the thing-peace
and is now an outlaw
for the rest of his life!
So it is up to me
to appoint the man
next in line to be Norheim's chieftain.
I give you
Orm!
Proud and humble.
Proud and
humble.
I'm looking forward to
varied and exciting duties.
Let's make Norheim great again!
To Valhalla!
If he wasn't crushed against the rocks,
he has guaranteed drowned.
Yeah.
No one could survive that.
But why are you lying on the ground?
You aren't afraid of heights, are you?
No, I'm not afraid of heights.
But when you're as tall as I am,
you end up looking extra far down.
So I prefer to lie on my stomach
when I'm looking from high places.
To be honest,
it looks like you're afraid of heights.
Yeah, it really does.
Yeah? Well, things aren't always
what they seem to be.
And in this case, it's the opposite.
It seems like I'm afraid of heights,
when in fact I love heights.
OK?
I prefer heights.
I love heights!
Yes, this is exciting!
So exciting.
I have many new plans for Norheim.
You have many new plans
for Norheim already?
When did you make those plans, Orm?
Just now.
Right after Arvid became an outlaw
and I became chieftain.
What's going on here?
Orm says he's got lots of new plans
for Norheim already.
Did you know about this, Orm?
Yeah.
Did I know in advance
about the terrible tragedy
that would take place here?
- Yeah.
- That's impossible!
It's just a little weird.
And now you have all these new plans.
I'd say it's a little suspicious.
No, I'm just a spontaneous type.
I'm constantly bubbling with ideas.
That's why I came up with
so many new plans in such a short time.
It's pretty strange when two former slaves
suddenly end up
as chieftain and Lawspeaker.
Stop it! Arvid knew very well
not to violate the thing-peace.
And yet he went ahead and did it anyway.
Embarrassed us all.
And you suspect Orm?
Shame on you.
Shame on you!
Rufus.
Orm.
If I find out that you have
anything to do with this,
your tiny little cocks
are gonna hang
around my neck.
Well, that's not gonna happen
because we
didn't have anything to do with it.
It's
absurd.
It's just untrue.
Hurtful.
But there you go.
You don't think we should climb down
and check if his body's there?
No.
No way.
But isn't that a classic mistake?
To assume someone's dead
and then they turn out to be alive?
And they come back
to take revenge and all that?
Yeah, that's a classic mistake.
But there's no doubt that he's dead,
so we'll skip it.
OK.
Whatever.
Climb down there?
We haven't got safety equipment.
I think Jarl Varg
would get very disappointed
if he heard
that we gambled with our lives like that.
So the answer to that
is no.
OK
Orm!
Jarl Varg.
Out and about.
We are leaving now.
I just want to say I look forward
to working closely with you.
You're gonna work closely?
Silence!
You hand robber.
What?
He probably says that to everyone.
It's perfectly normal
for members of the social elite
to work together on major issues.
- So that's probably what he means.
- Really?
My condolences regarding
that pregnant pig of yours.
Apparently he was crushed
against some rocks.
- What?!
- Yes.
I hear he threw himself off of a cliff.
Hoping he would bounce up again.
But
I guess that's not the way
blubber works.
May he rest in shit.
Hold your horses.
Hold your horses
It would be a shame
if two became outlaws here today.
Auf wiedersehen.
Yeah
What's happened?
Where's Arvid?
Ta-da!
Ta-da?
What does that mean?
It's sort of an oral fanfare
to introduce the new chieftain.
- Who is?
- That is me.
Arvid managed the feat
of attacking someone at the thing.
So he became an outlaw, unfortunately.
- Huh?
- Yes, and then he was killed.
By Varg's men.
So heaven has gotten a new star,
in a way.
- Is Arvid dead?
- Yes.
My condolences.
By Loki!
By Loki
My heart is crushed.
Can't even speak,
I'm grieving so badly.
He was the love of my life.
My heart's crushed.
Sure it is.
Yes, I guess that means that
you no longer are living in the longhouse.
Since you're not the chieftain's wife.
Frøya is. Isn't that how the rule works?
But I'm in the middle of
a grieving process here.
- Are you?
- Mhm.
Frøya, now we have to be strong together.
Come, Frøya.
Real mature, Frøya!
Real mature behavior.
My lovely wife!
My children!
Hi. What's going on?
Where's the peasant army?
- They're in Valhalla.
- Huh?
Or a similar place where peasants go
when they die in battle.
Die in battle?
Are they all dead?
- Yup.
- What?
But
And that's tragic.
But the good thing is, I survived!
And that's where we put our focus now.
So
OK, when is Arvid going to come here
and ravish me
and take the kids
and burn the house to the ground?
That's the thing. That's the work
of genius. It's not gonna happen!
Because we are the only
surviving peasants for miles around.
They are completely dependent on us.
We drew the winning ticket here.
Apart, of course, from the fact
that everyone we know died.
But, you know
- That is amazing, Eigil!
- Yes, it is.
It couldn't be better.
We are invulnerable.
Torstein, my faithful brother-in-arms.
You didn't understand
the domino reference?
I'm sorry. My head kind of overheated
when you explained it.
It's probably not that hard
once you learn it.
It's very easy, my friend.
You line up the pieces like this.
And when you push the first one,
the other ones fall.
But you
You've got three pieces there.
Haven't we gotten rid of
everyone we need to get rid of?
You think I like these
better than my old hands?
No.
When we return to Norheim,
the third domino shall fall!