Wellington Paranormal (2018) s02e05 Episode Script
Haunted Nissan
So, we're just on a bit of a stakeout here at the moment.
Someone's been tagging properties in the area.
Not just fences; letterboxes, vehicles - the works.
Mm-hm.
So we're on the lookout for a budding young graffiti artist.
Urn, I mean, it's not very paranormal, but it's been a bit lean on the paranormal front.
Mm.
What was the last paranormal case we had, Minogue? Flying saucer last week.
(SPRAY CAN HISSES) Yeah, but that was turned out to be the Moon.
(SPRAY CAN RATTLES) Well- Oi! (TENSE MUSIC) Come back here! I mean, that's not even funny.
In pursuit of a very short tagger! MAAKA ON RT: Possible paranormal disturbance at 5 Kino Rd.
Looks like zombies.
Over.
Copy that, Sarge.
On our way.
Minogue! I nearly got him! There's a paranormal case! We'll get back to you, kid! Kiss my arse, Penis Patrol! PANTS: She's fast.
Sarge says it's zombies.
Bloody zombs again? Wellington Paranormal's back, baby.
Don't say that.
Sorry.
(TENSE MUSIC) All right.
Well, you wait here.
I'll go check it out.
Why do I have to stay in the car? Well, cos if it is zombs and one of us gets bit, then the other one'll have to drive to the hospital.
If you're sure.
Here if you need.
(DOOR CLOSES) So, I mean, Minogue does this from time to time.
I think he thinks he's protecting me or something, urn, but he usually ends up calling for backup without about 30 seconds.
WHISPERS: Boar's open.
(MUFFLED CHATTER) Normally I'd knock, but you never wanna give a zomb a heads-up.
(DANCE MUSIC POUNDS, MUFFLED SHRIEKING, LAUGHTER) (DRAMATIC MUSIC) (CHATTER, LAUGHTER CONTINUES) O'Leary, it's just a zombie-themed hen party.
Nothing paranormal.
Over.
Copy that, Minogue.
Get your attention over here, please! Hey, the stripper's here! Whoo! (CHEERING, WHOOPING) I'm not a stripper, all right? I'm not a stripper.
Oh,come on! OK? Calm down.
Strip! Strip! Strip! RT: O'Leary, get in here! O'Leary! (CHEERING CONTINUES) ('WELLINGTON PARANORMAL' THEME) Captions by Maeve Kelly.
Edited by Faith Hamblyn.
Captions were made with the support of NZ On Air.
(MUSIC CONTINUES) How do you lose a police car?! Well, to be fair, uh, we didn't we didn't lose it.
Um, it was it was stolen Yeah.
um, by two very drunk women dressed as zombies.
Mm.
I went to assist Officer Minogue, who requested by assistance, and in my haste, I uh I did leave the keys in, and the window was down, so they probably just reached their arm in, undid the lock - or, you know opened the door.
'undead' the lock, you know? (CHUCKLES) just to lighten the mood.
Obviously, you know, they were dressed as zombies and that.
Theft of a police car is no laughing matter, O'Leary.
No.
They also defaced police property by writing Penis Patrol on the door.
No, actually, that was done earlier by a tagger we tried to apprehend.
Where's your shirt, Minogue? Some ladies dressed as zombies mistook me for a policeman stripper character.
Mm.
That's right.
I mean, these stripper cops are actually creating unrealistic expectations for real cops.
Mm.
They took my shirt.
I'm getting creeped out by your nipples.
Please cover them.
Somehow, that's worse.
Right.
Look, uh, we haven't really had many paranormal cases for a while.
What about that flying saucer? That was the moon, Minogue.
Let it go.
The bean counters have been putting the squeeze on me.
I have to downsize the paranormal unit.
You're gonna shrink us, Sarge? No, he means cutting staff.
Oh.
I was gonna say - the technology's not there yet for that, Sarge.
Well, looks like I can only afford one of you.
Eh? Me.
No.
I haven't made my decision yet.
Today is a really bad day to mention this, as you've just lost your squad car.
And my shirt.
Exactly.
And my singlet.
And his vest.
My vest had my torch on it.
That's gone too.
Yep.
Thank you.
In the meantime, I have a possible paranormal case.
We'll prove you need us both, Sarge.
What is it? Monsters? Demons? Car theft.
That That doesn't sound very paranormal, Sarge.
How about if I told you the guy claims his car was stolen? (DRAMATIC MUSIC) Well, yeah, I mean, you did say it was a car theft.
I was pausing for effect.
Oh.
Sorry.
Yeah, you go again.
What if I told you the car claims his car was stolen by a ghost? Probably freaked out.
Try it.
He just did.
He just said it.
That was him saying it.
Oh.
To help you track down this car, I've purchased a high-tech drone.
You can use it to get an aerial view.
This thing is state-of-the-art.
(CLEARS THROAT) So you can afford a drone, but you can't afford both of us? Well, it's actually because I bought the drone that I can't afford you.
So, uh, go and see the owner of the car tomorrow.
And, uh, get a new shirt, Minogue.
Think Sarge was joking about letting one of us go? We don't joke at work, Minogue.
He doesn't joke.
What would we do if we weren't being cops, though? It'd have to be something together.
Paramedics? Batman and Robin? That's a duo.
Uh we could start a band? Another duo.
We could be the White Stripes.
Yep.
Blue Stripes.
Um, what else? Um, work in a bar.
Um, paramedics or ambulance drivers- I already said that one.
I already said that one.
or working in a surgery.
Lawyers? Dancing with the Stars? What, we could enter it? Yeah.
But they only take one person, and then a proper dancer.
Or we could both do it.
Well, I'm a proper dancer.
OK, so Are you? Well, stripping.
I'm not gonna do that.
Hmm' Well, not at a male strip club.
Never say never.
Never say never.
I I'm pretty sure I'd say never for that one.
Well I'm pretty good at pumping gas, so we could work on the forecourt of a he petrol station.
I'd probably work in the actual shop bit.
Yup.
You know? Yup.
just good with people, that kind of thing.
Talking people out of buying cigarettes.
I just wouldn't sell them at my service station.
Not on my watch.
No.
So, we're just approaching this suburban home to investigate an alleged car theft.
Um, it may or may not be paranormal.
Probably not.
Gidday, mate.
Hello.
Hi.
Um, Officer Minogue, Officer O'Leary.
You've had your car stolen, we understand? (SIGHS) I got this out-of-it whip, eh? Modded it up pretty sweet too.
So, it went cray cray, man.
Weird noises, weird vibes- I'll stop you there, mate.
Could you just speak, um, less young? Less young? We're just a bit old, so we're not gettin' any of this.
Oh, no, yeah, yeah, OK.
Um so, I recently, um, bought a 1985, uh, Nissan 300ZX - Yeah.
uh, the Z31.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
And, um, I reconditioned the whole thing, man.
Yeah? Like, new alloys, new green paint job, new engine.
Yeah, now you're talkin' my language.
What kind of engine? Oh, it was a 3L V6, man.
(CHUCKLES) Yeah.
It was so grunty for its size.
Yeah.
You probably won't get this, O'Leary.
OK, so, was that the turbocharged single overhead cam or the fuel-injected? It was the turbo.
Yeah, turbo.
OK.
So, um, what happened? So first weird thing that happened - I disconnected my horn, right? BOTH: Mm-hm? But I could still hear a creepy tune coming from the car.
It went a little bit like this.
(WARBLES TUNE) 'Are You Old Enough?' - Dragon.
That is a very creepy tune.
Mm.
I mean, how old's she s'posed to be? Anyway, next weird thing that happened, right - I could hear moaning coming from the back seat.
Was that a ghost-like kind of moaning, like, 'Ooh', or was it more of a sexual moaning, like, 'Ooh'? Nah, nah, it was more of, like, a mournful moaning.
Like a (WHIMPERS) Mournful moaning.
(WHIMPERS) Look, I could hear a voice coming from the car somewhere, all right? It was telling me to (GHOSTLY QUAVERING) get out of my car, get out of my car! Hmm.
Mate, have you checked your garage? I know whenever I think my car's been stolen, it always ends up being in the garage.
It's not in there, bro.
Mm.
So this ghost- did it look anything like that? That's a Pat-Man ghost.
Oh yeah.
I thought it looked familiar.
Put the pad away.
So, look, we've got some really good information here, so thank you for that, um, and we'll just be in touch.
We'll be in touch.
OK? Cheers.
Nice socks.
Thanks.
So, we've got a young gentleman who believes his car was stolen by an invisible ghost.
That's gonna make it very hard to identify the perpetrator, and, um- O'Leary.
Got reports of a lime-green Nissan 300ZX Z31 driving with no driver a couple of streets away.
In pursuit.
Getting into the vehicle.
(ENGINE STARTS) (SIRENS WAIL, NISSAN MOTOR ROARS) There it is.
He's not stopping, is he? No.
(CAR HORN PLAYS DRAGON'S 'ARE YOU OLD ENOUGH?') Hold on.
Oh my God.
There's no one driving it! (NISSAN MOTOR ROARS) Sir or madam, pull over, please! Hold on, O'Leary.
(SIRENS WAIL) (TYRES SQUEAL) (ENGINES STOP) (SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC) No wonder we couldn't see him - he's a kid.
What's goin' on, mate? You're driving like a madman out there.
It wasn't me.
(SCOFFS) OK, so, you're sitting there behind the wheel, and you're saying it wasn't you driving? Yeah.
How old are you, mate? Um, I'm 10.
10.
Mm.
Is that old enough to have a driver's licence? No.
So, the proper age is 15.
16.
Is it? Yes.
That's gone up.
16 is the legal driving age in New Zealand.
You're nowhere near 16.
(SIGHS) Gonna have to hop out of the car and come with us to the police station, OK? Or he can just follow us.
Minogue, he's 10 years old.
He shouldn't be driving the car.
You shouldn't be driving the car, mate.
Out of the car.
So, what our investigation clearly established was that the Nissan ZX was in fact not stolen by a ghost at all; it was stolen by a 10-year-old minor, um, who was driving very erratically and very dangerously.
That way? Our role now is to get in touch with the appropriate authorities, um, and make sure that (GIGGLES) .
.
.
we get him home to his whanau.
Minogue? Get him in the car, Minogue! Yep.
And, urn, then hopefully he can get some support and, you know, look at changing his behaviour so that he's acting in a way that is gonna keep his community safe, because, end of the day, that kind of driving never ends well.
He's got a lot to give, that kid.
Awesome.
Why don't you get him back to the station? And I'll get this bad boy back to its rightful owner.
Phwoar! Wow.
Hey? He's done a good job.
(ENGINES STARTS) It's all the little details that really make the difference.
It's a, um, dragon.
Fluffy dice - classic.
(WINDOWS WHIRR) Bit sticky.
Needs a bit of oil.
(ENGINE REVS) How much do you get paid? Well, I don't do it for the money.
I do it because I care about my community, and the money's not important to me.
It's not very much, to be honest.
It's about the same as teaching.
Are we on TV? Yes, but please don't look at the camera.
Shout-out to my mum and my dad and my brother and my sister! Oh yeah, shout-out to Minogue, uh, and my mum and, uh, Kez.
Bit of an '80s classic, this.
(CHUCKLES SOFTLY) (STATIC CRACKLES) Steering's a bit wonky, though.
(MECHANISM GRINDS) You realise you're too young to drive? I already told you I wasn't driving.
You're insulting me.
I'm not insulting you; I'm just trying to get to the bottom of the situation.
I mean, why were you in the car? I heard this spooky voice, and then the car took off by itself.
And what did the voice say? SNARLS: Get out of my car! Minogue, can you hear me? Over.
EERIE VOICE: Get out of my car! Who said that? Was that you? Get out of my car, pig! - (EERIE WHOOSHING) - Get out! O'Leary, the car's being mean to me! It's definitely haunted! Calm down, Minogue.
I can't understand what you're saying.
What's that? (EERIE WHOOSHING ON RT) RT: It's definitely haunted! OK, I can't hear you again, but I think the car might be haunted.
See? I told you! (MOTOR PUTTERS , TYRES SQUEAL) EERIE VOICE: Get out! Well, how can I get out when you're the one driving? (TYRES SCREECH) (WHIMPERS) ECHOES: Get out! (YELPS, PANTS) Just to summarise - I was returning that car to its rightful owner, uh, when, all of a sudden, it started drivin' itself, speaking to me in a ghostly manner, uh, and going 60km/h in a 50K zone.
Um, scared me a bit.
As we all know, speeding is completely illegal, uh, and it's not a it's not the right thing to do.
(ENGINE GROWLS, GRUMBLES) So I think we can all agree, uh, this Nissan, there's a very good chance that it's haunted, and I think we're gonna go back and see O'Leary and decide what to do next.
But, um (ENGINE GROWLS THREATENINGLY) l think on foot's probably the best idea.
(ENGINE GROWLS) O'Leary? That car's haunted.
(RT CRACKLES) So, we've had the car towed back to the owner's house until we can ascertain what's actually going on.
We've since found that the car was last registered to a Shane Thompson in 1989 Mm.
and back in those days, the car was black.
Yeah, it turns out he wrote the car off when he drove off a bank and into the ocean.
Uh, he accidentally wrote himself off as well.
According to a newspaper report at the time, he was upset, because his girlfriend, a Sharon Hore, had recently dumped him.
Mm.
So, that's a great use of police technology there - Minogue's using that computer to do the research.
No, this is solitaire.
I got Parker to do the research.
What, Minogue? Did you just get Parker to do your research for you? Yeah, he's real good at it.
What's that website you use? Google.
I'm sure that Parker has normal police work to do.
All right? In the meantime, uh (CLEARS THROAT) Come closer.
Even closer than that.
SOFTLY: Actually get physically uncomfortably closer.
Oh.
WHISPERS:Yeah.
Yeah, that's it.
That's it.
Good.
(CLEARS THROAT) Trent Corby just rang the station.
His car's just taken off.
WHISPERS: Again.
Oh.
WHISPERS: By itself.
Yeah, far out, man, I just heard my wheels revving hard-out and shit.
Before I knew it, the car just boosted, bro, down the road! Trent, we're too old to understand, all right? We don't even know what Snapchat is.
Is this Snapchat? No.
Hmm? Make a note.
I heard a revving, right, and then I heard a crash, so I came outside to see what the noise was Hmm? and then my car just bursted through the garage! WHISPERS: O'Leary, that'll be the hole in the garage door there.
See? OK, so which way did it go? That way.
OK.
Down there and? That way.
Right.
Thanks very much.
To the right.
That's left.
OK, thank you.
See you later.
Thanks, mate.
But you guys be careful, eh? I don't think you guys know what you're dealing with! If you had a haunted car, where would you go? Well, I'd only go out when there's a full moon.
That would be the first rule.
OK.
Cos you're gonna creep people out more.
Only go out when there's fog or mist.
I might wanna go to a haunted garage.
I think I'd probably just go back to my 1989 address.
Oh yeah.
There's no Nissan here.
Heaps of cycles, though.
Tricycle.
Motorcycle.
Bicycle.
Quadricycle.
Minogue, that line of inquiry's going nowhere, OK? He's not here.
He moved out.
Righto.
(TODDLER BABBLES IN BACKGROUND) And he's not selling now anyway, so So what was he selling? TODDLER: Mum! Sorry.
And what was his name? What was he selling before? Would you mind just repeating that question? Mumma! We just wanna know if you've seen a green 1985 Nissan 300ZX Z31 in this neighbourhood.
Oh.
Nah.
It's a turbo one, two-door.
Sporty.
Nah.
Oh well.
Hang on.
Did you say a 1985 Minogue, wait, wait.
Nissan 300ZX Z31? Yep.
You seen one of those? Yeah.
Yeah, long time ago.
But it wasn't green; it was black.
(TODDLER BABBLES) Bree! Stop hitting your sister! Gee.
Yeah, come on in.
Come on in.
OK.
Thank you.
Come on, move out of the way.
Out the way, please.
The officer's asked you to step away, mate.
(CLATTERING) Minogue, just leave it! We'll fix it at the- Leave it.
Don't want the kid to get out.
Shane was a lovely guy.
I mean, we'd only just moved in here, I think, together.
He loved that bloody Nissan 300ZX Z31 Turbo more than he loved me.
You know? He'd sleep in it.
He'd only even you know, with me - he'd only ever do that in the back seat of the car.
Only talk to you in the car? (WHISPERS) Oh.
To be fair, it was an awesome car - very comfortable seats - but I had to kick him out.
Hmm.
(SNIFFS) Took off in a huff, and never saw him again.
So, what's this about, anyway? Well, the car's been restored - (SNIFFS) we think, maybe, Shane with it.
(VEHICLE APPROACHES, CAR HORN PLAYS DRAGON'S 'ARE YOU OLD ENOUGH?') That's my favourite song! (ENGINE RUMBLES) (ENGINE REVS) It's the Nissan.
It's outside.
Are you telling me that Shane's ghost is driving this car? We can't be sure that that's a ghost, Sharon.
There's probably a perfectly logical explanation for all this.
Yeah, that it's a ghost.
That does certainly appear to be, maybe, a ghost.
Shall I just get in? BOTH: No.
Certainly not.
We certainly wouldn't advise you to get in that motor vehicle.
Absolutely not.
I've been in that car before, and it was verbally abusive, and it was drivin' all over the road, and then it let me out of the car, and I had to walk back to the station.
Other than that, we have not ascertained whether this is a safe situation and what's going on behind that door, so we would say definitely do not get in the vehicle at this time.
Not a good idea, Sharon! Obviously, we tried our best there to advise Sharon not to get into the motor vehicle.
She's gone against our advice.
Yeah.
I've never been in a vehicle that's more verbally abusive than this one.
Mm.
There's absolutely no way that I'll be putting myself through that again.
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC) Nothing's happening.
Maybe try talking to it? Oh, hey, Shane.
How are ya? (TUTS) I'm sorry you're dead, eh? Maybe he just wanted to see you and now he's passed over.
- (DISTORTED RADIO TUNING) - EERIE VOICE: Shaaazzzaa.
Was that you? Shane? Where are ya? ECHOES: I'm right here, Shaz! WHISPERS: He's in the mirror.
WHISPERS: Holy shit.
Shane! Is that you? ECHOES: Sure is, babe.
You miss me? CHUCKLES: Yeah.
(CHUCKLES) Yeah.
Well, for a while.
For a while? You shacked up with someone else? I only died yesterday.
Hey, it's been 30 years, Shane.
I've had a few partners in that time.
I've had seven kids.
I got four grandkids.
ECHOES: 30 years? I've been dead 30 years?! ECHOES: Gutted.
Oh, Shane.
Oh, Sh I'm so sorry.
What terrible news! (CHUCKLES SOFTLY) You still look spunky, Sharon.
CHUCKLES: Oh, Shane.
You look the same.
(CHUCKLES) Yeah.
Except I've got no body.
(GROANS) I've also got nobody, Shaz.
Repeating himself.
SOFTLY: Oh Shane.
Maybe we should just Sharon, would you like to have a bit of time alone with whatever this is? Yeah.
Bit of a love story from beyond the grave, this.
Uh, just goes to show that if you find true love, you should hold on to it and never, ever let it go.
Well, yes and no.
I mean, mostly no, because, obviously, if the other person doesn't wanna be with you any more, you should definitely let that go.
(ENGINE STARTS) That's better advice.
(ENGINE GROWLS) (CAR HORN PLAYS DRAGON'S 'ARE YOU OLD ENOUGH?') Sharon's still in the back! We're in pursuit! (SIRENS WAIL) Comms, this is Car Four.
We're in pursuit of a green 1985 Nissan 300Zx, licence plate 4NIC8.
I just got that.
That's a bit rude.
What's it mean? Look, there appears to be no one behind the wheel, um, but there is a woman in the back that looks a bit like Stevie Nicks.
Over.
RT: Copy that.
Sunstrike, O'Leary! just keep your eyes on the road! Requesting backup! I'll box him in! Hold on, O'Leary.
(TYRES SQUEAL) - On my way.
Over.
- (RT BEEPS) (EXHALES, WHIMPERS EXCITEDLY) It's time.
It's time! What seems to be the trouble? Oh, I can't get my seatbelt off.
He's done something to it.
Jammed seatbelt? jammed seatbelt.
Yeah, I can't get it off.
If it's jammed, Pull, pull, pull! You push and you pull, then pull and twist.
(ENGINE STARTS) Hey.
No.
Don't like it.
No, no, no, no, no.
(YELLS) I don't like it, don't like it! Tell him to stop! Tell him to stop! What is this car doing?! Can't move.
The seatbelt's stuck.
Tell him to stop! I've been trying! Well, what exactly did you say? I said I couldn't really commit to a relationship with a dead guy.
He got real angry and just took off! ECHOES: I just wanted things to be like they were, Shaz.
Oh, I've moved on, Shane.
I'm not 19 any more.
I don't care! I just wanna be with you in this world.
You'd hate the world now, mate.
lt's- You would.
The mullets are out of fashion Terrible.
the music's terrible.
Awful.
Everyone's always on their phone, and- Hang on.
Isn't this the road that Shane drove off? Shane, stop the vehicle now! It's the only way I can be with you forever.
You're not my type! No, I don't think he was talking about you.
I think- Yeah, nah, I think he means me.
Yeah, it would've been her.
OK, stop the car! Shaz, we can both be ghosts.
How cool would that be? (STRANGLED GROAN) MAAKA ON RT: Minogue! O'Leary! I have you in my sights.
Shane, stop the vehicle now! We mean it! Think about this - why would you wanna kill me and O'Leary too? You don't want us as ghosts, mate.
You don't want us hangin' around and telling you to slow down.
Telling you you gotta fix your taillight.
We're massive buzzkills! It's our job! Still love you, Shaz.
MAAKA ON RT: Minogue, O'Leary! Bail out! I like you, Shane, but if you kill us, I'll think you're a wanker.
(ROCK MUSIC) (PANTING) - (ENGINE STOPS) - I don't wanna be a wanker, Sharon.
I don't wanna be a wanker ghost.
(POIGNANT MUSIC) (DRONE WHIRRS) (THUD!) Oh.
Nice one, Sarge.
So the moral of the story is, if you have a former partner who's passed to the other side, and then comes to visit you in his Nissan 300ZX to try and kill you to keep the relationship going Turn you into a ghost - I mean, that's an unhealthy relationship.
It is an abusive relationship You need to get out.
and it's unacceptable.
But Sharon and Shane seem to have found a way to work it out amicably, but that's pretty rare.
You certainly just wanna get the support you need.
Officers, I'd like to commend you both on your police work today.
As we know, there's no I in 'team', so I've decided to keep you both on.
Yes! For three days a week - as long as I can get a refund for this drone from The Warehouse.
(CAR DOOR SHUTS, ENGINE STARTS) You OK? BREATHLESSLY: I think I just sent Shane to heaven.
Huh.
(GHOST ENGINE GROWLS) (TYRES SCREECH) (CAR HORN PLAYS DRAGON'S 'ARE YOU OLD ENOUGH?') (MUSIC FADES)
Someone's been tagging properties in the area.
Not just fences; letterboxes, vehicles - the works.
Mm-hm.
So we're on the lookout for a budding young graffiti artist.
Urn, I mean, it's not very paranormal, but it's been a bit lean on the paranormal front.
Mm.
What was the last paranormal case we had, Minogue? Flying saucer last week.
(SPRAY CAN HISSES) Yeah, but that was turned out to be the Moon.
(SPRAY CAN RATTLES) Well- Oi! (TENSE MUSIC) Come back here! I mean, that's not even funny.
In pursuit of a very short tagger! MAAKA ON RT: Possible paranormal disturbance at 5 Kino Rd.
Looks like zombies.
Over.
Copy that, Sarge.
On our way.
Minogue! I nearly got him! There's a paranormal case! We'll get back to you, kid! Kiss my arse, Penis Patrol! PANTS: She's fast.
Sarge says it's zombies.
Bloody zombs again? Wellington Paranormal's back, baby.
Don't say that.
Sorry.
(TENSE MUSIC) All right.
Well, you wait here.
I'll go check it out.
Why do I have to stay in the car? Well, cos if it is zombs and one of us gets bit, then the other one'll have to drive to the hospital.
If you're sure.
Here if you need.
(DOOR CLOSES) So, I mean, Minogue does this from time to time.
I think he thinks he's protecting me or something, urn, but he usually ends up calling for backup without about 30 seconds.
WHISPERS: Boar's open.
(MUFFLED CHATTER) Normally I'd knock, but you never wanna give a zomb a heads-up.
(DANCE MUSIC POUNDS, MUFFLED SHRIEKING, LAUGHTER) (DRAMATIC MUSIC) (CHATTER, LAUGHTER CONTINUES) O'Leary, it's just a zombie-themed hen party.
Nothing paranormal.
Over.
Copy that, Minogue.
Get your attention over here, please! Hey, the stripper's here! Whoo! (CHEERING, WHOOPING) I'm not a stripper, all right? I'm not a stripper.
Oh,come on! OK? Calm down.
Strip! Strip! Strip! RT: O'Leary, get in here! O'Leary! (CHEERING CONTINUES) ('WELLINGTON PARANORMAL' THEME) Captions by Maeve Kelly.
Edited by Faith Hamblyn.
Captions were made with the support of NZ On Air.
(MUSIC CONTINUES) How do you lose a police car?! Well, to be fair, uh, we didn't we didn't lose it.
Um, it was it was stolen Yeah.
um, by two very drunk women dressed as zombies.
Mm.
I went to assist Officer Minogue, who requested by assistance, and in my haste, I uh I did leave the keys in, and the window was down, so they probably just reached their arm in, undid the lock - or, you know opened the door.
'undead' the lock, you know? (CHUCKLES) just to lighten the mood.
Obviously, you know, they were dressed as zombies and that.
Theft of a police car is no laughing matter, O'Leary.
No.
They also defaced police property by writing Penis Patrol on the door.
No, actually, that was done earlier by a tagger we tried to apprehend.
Where's your shirt, Minogue? Some ladies dressed as zombies mistook me for a policeman stripper character.
Mm.
That's right.
I mean, these stripper cops are actually creating unrealistic expectations for real cops.
Mm.
They took my shirt.
I'm getting creeped out by your nipples.
Please cover them.
Somehow, that's worse.
Right.
Look, uh, we haven't really had many paranormal cases for a while.
What about that flying saucer? That was the moon, Minogue.
Let it go.
The bean counters have been putting the squeeze on me.
I have to downsize the paranormal unit.
You're gonna shrink us, Sarge? No, he means cutting staff.
Oh.
I was gonna say - the technology's not there yet for that, Sarge.
Well, looks like I can only afford one of you.
Eh? Me.
No.
I haven't made my decision yet.
Today is a really bad day to mention this, as you've just lost your squad car.
And my shirt.
Exactly.
And my singlet.
And his vest.
My vest had my torch on it.
That's gone too.
Yep.
Thank you.
In the meantime, I have a possible paranormal case.
We'll prove you need us both, Sarge.
What is it? Monsters? Demons? Car theft.
That That doesn't sound very paranormal, Sarge.
How about if I told you the guy claims his car was stolen? (DRAMATIC MUSIC) Well, yeah, I mean, you did say it was a car theft.
I was pausing for effect.
Oh.
Sorry.
Yeah, you go again.
What if I told you the car claims his car was stolen by a ghost? Probably freaked out.
Try it.
He just did.
He just said it.
That was him saying it.
Oh.
To help you track down this car, I've purchased a high-tech drone.
You can use it to get an aerial view.
This thing is state-of-the-art.
(CLEARS THROAT) So you can afford a drone, but you can't afford both of us? Well, it's actually because I bought the drone that I can't afford you.
So, uh, go and see the owner of the car tomorrow.
And, uh, get a new shirt, Minogue.
Think Sarge was joking about letting one of us go? We don't joke at work, Minogue.
He doesn't joke.
What would we do if we weren't being cops, though? It'd have to be something together.
Paramedics? Batman and Robin? That's a duo.
Uh we could start a band? Another duo.
We could be the White Stripes.
Yep.
Blue Stripes.
Um, what else? Um, work in a bar.
Um, paramedics or ambulance drivers- I already said that one.
I already said that one.
or working in a surgery.
Lawyers? Dancing with the Stars? What, we could enter it? Yeah.
But they only take one person, and then a proper dancer.
Or we could both do it.
Well, I'm a proper dancer.
OK, so Are you? Well, stripping.
I'm not gonna do that.
Hmm' Well, not at a male strip club.
Never say never.
Never say never.
I I'm pretty sure I'd say never for that one.
Well I'm pretty good at pumping gas, so we could work on the forecourt of a he petrol station.
I'd probably work in the actual shop bit.
Yup.
You know? Yup.
just good with people, that kind of thing.
Talking people out of buying cigarettes.
I just wouldn't sell them at my service station.
Not on my watch.
No.
So, we're just approaching this suburban home to investigate an alleged car theft.
Um, it may or may not be paranormal.
Probably not.
Gidday, mate.
Hello.
Hi.
Um, Officer Minogue, Officer O'Leary.
You've had your car stolen, we understand? (SIGHS) I got this out-of-it whip, eh? Modded it up pretty sweet too.
So, it went cray cray, man.
Weird noises, weird vibes- I'll stop you there, mate.
Could you just speak, um, less young? Less young? We're just a bit old, so we're not gettin' any of this.
Oh, no, yeah, yeah, OK.
Um so, I recently, um, bought a 1985, uh, Nissan 300ZX - Yeah.
uh, the Z31.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
And, um, I reconditioned the whole thing, man.
Yeah? Like, new alloys, new green paint job, new engine.
Yeah, now you're talkin' my language.
What kind of engine? Oh, it was a 3L V6, man.
(CHUCKLES) Yeah.
It was so grunty for its size.
Yeah.
You probably won't get this, O'Leary.
OK, so, was that the turbocharged single overhead cam or the fuel-injected? It was the turbo.
Yeah, turbo.
OK.
So, um, what happened? So first weird thing that happened - I disconnected my horn, right? BOTH: Mm-hm? But I could still hear a creepy tune coming from the car.
It went a little bit like this.
(WARBLES TUNE) 'Are You Old Enough?' - Dragon.
That is a very creepy tune.
Mm.
I mean, how old's she s'posed to be? Anyway, next weird thing that happened, right - I could hear moaning coming from the back seat.
Was that a ghost-like kind of moaning, like, 'Ooh', or was it more of a sexual moaning, like, 'Ooh'? Nah, nah, it was more of, like, a mournful moaning.
Like a (WHIMPERS) Mournful moaning.
(WHIMPERS) Look, I could hear a voice coming from the car somewhere, all right? It was telling me to (GHOSTLY QUAVERING) get out of my car, get out of my car! Hmm.
Mate, have you checked your garage? I know whenever I think my car's been stolen, it always ends up being in the garage.
It's not in there, bro.
Mm.
So this ghost- did it look anything like that? That's a Pat-Man ghost.
Oh yeah.
I thought it looked familiar.
Put the pad away.
So, look, we've got some really good information here, so thank you for that, um, and we'll just be in touch.
We'll be in touch.
OK? Cheers.
Nice socks.
Thanks.
So, we've got a young gentleman who believes his car was stolen by an invisible ghost.
That's gonna make it very hard to identify the perpetrator, and, um- O'Leary.
Got reports of a lime-green Nissan 300ZX Z31 driving with no driver a couple of streets away.
In pursuit.
Getting into the vehicle.
(ENGINE STARTS) (SIRENS WAIL, NISSAN MOTOR ROARS) There it is.
He's not stopping, is he? No.
(CAR HORN PLAYS DRAGON'S 'ARE YOU OLD ENOUGH?') Hold on.
Oh my God.
There's no one driving it! (NISSAN MOTOR ROARS) Sir or madam, pull over, please! Hold on, O'Leary.
(SIRENS WAIL) (TYRES SQUEAL) (ENGINES STOP) (SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC) No wonder we couldn't see him - he's a kid.
What's goin' on, mate? You're driving like a madman out there.
It wasn't me.
(SCOFFS) OK, so, you're sitting there behind the wheel, and you're saying it wasn't you driving? Yeah.
How old are you, mate? Um, I'm 10.
10.
Mm.
Is that old enough to have a driver's licence? No.
So, the proper age is 15.
16.
Is it? Yes.
That's gone up.
16 is the legal driving age in New Zealand.
You're nowhere near 16.
(SIGHS) Gonna have to hop out of the car and come with us to the police station, OK? Or he can just follow us.
Minogue, he's 10 years old.
He shouldn't be driving the car.
You shouldn't be driving the car, mate.
Out of the car.
So, what our investigation clearly established was that the Nissan ZX was in fact not stolen by a ghost at all; it was stolen by a 10-year-old minor, um, who was driving very erratically and very dangerously.
That way? Our role now is to get in touch with the appropriate authorities, um, and make sure that (GIGGLES) .
.
.
we get him home to his whanau.
Minogue? Get him in the car, Minogue! Yep.
And, urn, then hopefully he can get some support and, you know, look at changing his behaviour so that he's acting in a way that is gonna keep his community safe, because, end of the day, that kind of driving never ends well.
He's got a lot to give, that kid.
Awesome.
Why don't you get him back to the station? And I'll get this bad boy back to its rightful owner.
Phwoar! Wow.
Hey? He's done a good job.
(ENGINES STARTS) It's all the little details that really make the difference.
It's a, um, dragon.
Fluffy dice - classic.
(WINDOWS WHIRR) Bit sticky.
Needs a bit of oil.
(ENGINE REVS) How much do you get paid? Well, I don't do it for the money.
I do it because I care about my community, and the money's not important to me.
It's not very much, to be honest.
It's about the same as teaching.
Are we on TV? Yes, but please don't look at the camera.
Shout-out to my mum and my dad and my brother and my sister! Oh yeah, shout-out to Minogue, uh, and my mum and, uh, Kez.
Bit of an '80s classic, this.
(CHUCKLES SOFTLY) (STATIC CRACKLES) Steering's a bit wonky, though.
(MECHANISM GRINDS) You realise you're too young to drive? I already told you I wasn't driving.
You're insulting me.
I'm not insulting you; I'm just trying to get to the bottom of the situation.
I mean, why were you in the car? I heard this spooky voice, and then the car took off by itself.
And what did the voice say? SNARLS: Get out of my car! Minogue, can you hear me? Over.
EERIE VOICE: Get out of my car! Who said that? Was that you? Get out of my car, pig! - (EERIE WHOOSHING) - Get out! O'Leary, the car's being mean to me! It's definitely haunted! Calm down, Minogue.
I can't understand what you're saying.
What's that? (EERIE WHOOSHING ON RT) RT: It's definitely haunted! OK, I can't hear you again, but I think the car might be haunted.
See? I told you! (MOTOR PUTTERS , TYRES SQUEAL) EERIE VOICE: Get out! Well, how can I get out when you're the one driving? (TYRES SCREECH) (WHIMPERS) ECHOES: Get out! (YELPS, PANTS) Just to summarise - I was returning that car to its rightful owner, uh, when, all of a sudden, it started drivin' itself, speaking to me in a ghostly manner, uh, and going 60km/h in a 50K zone.
Um, scared me a bit.
As we all know, speeding is completely illegal, uh, and it's not a it's not the right thing to do.
(ENGINE GROWLS, GRUMBLES) So I think we can all agree, uh, this Nissan, there's a very good chance that it's haunted, and I think we're gonna go back and see O'Leary and decide what to do next.
But, um (ENGINE GROWLS THREATENINGLY) l think on foot's probably the best idea.
(ENGINE GROWLS) O'Leary? That car's haunted.
(RT CRACKLES) So, we've had the car towed back to the owner's house until we can ascertain what's actually going on.
We've since found that the car was last registered to a Shane Thompson in 1989 Mm.
and back in those days, the car was black.
Yeah, it turns out he wrote the car off when he drove off a bank and into the ocean.
Uh, he accidentally wrote himself off as well.
According to a newspaper report at the time, he was upset, because his girlfriend, a Sharon Hore, had recently dumped him.
Mm.
So, that's a great use of police technology there - Minogue's using that computer to do the research.
No, this is solitaire.
I got Parker to do the research.
What, Minogue? Did you just get Parker to do your research for you? Yeah, he's real good at it.
What's that website you use? Google.
I'm sure that Parker has normal police work to do.
All right? In the meantime, uh (CLEARS THROAT) Come closer.
Even closer than that.
SOFTLY: Actually get physically uncomfortably closer.
Oh.
WHISPERS:Yeah.
Yeah, that's it.
That's it.
Good.
(CLEARS THROAT) Trent Corby just rang the station.
His car's just taken off.
WHISPERS: Again.
Oh.
WHISPERS: By itself.
Yeah, far out, man, I just heard my wheels revving hard-out and shit.
Before I knew it, the car just boosted, bro, down the road! Trent, we're too old to understand, all right? We don't even know what Snapchat is.
Is this Snapchat? No.
Hmm? Make a note.
I heard a revving, right, and then I heard a crash, so I came outside to see what the noise was Hmm? and then my car just bursted through the garage! WHISPERS: O'Leary, that'll be the hole in the garage door there.
See? OK, so which way did it go? That way.
OK.
Down there and? That way.
Right.
Thanks very much.
To the right.
That's left.
OK, thank you.
See you later.
Thanks, mate.
But you guys be careful, eh? I don't think you guys know what you're dealing with! If you had a haunted car, where would you go? Well, I'd only go out when there's a full moon.
That would be the first rule.
OK.
Cos you're gonna creep people out more.
Only go out when there's fog or mist.
I might wanna go to a haunted garage.
I think I'd probably just go back to my 1989 address.
Oh yeah.
There's no Nissan here.
Heaps of cycles, though.
Tricycle.
Motorcycle.
Bicycle.
Quadricycle.
Minogue, that line of inquiry's going nowhere, OK? He's not here.
He moved out.
Righto.
(TODDLER BABBLES IN BACKGROUND) And he's not selling now anyway, so So what was he selling? TODDLER: Mum! Sorry.
And what was his name? What was he selling before? Would you mind just repeating that question? Mumma! We just wanna know if you've seen a green 1985 Nissan 300ZX Z31 in this neighbourhood.
Oh.
Nah.
It's a turbo one, two-door.
Sporty.
Nah.
Oh well.
Hang on.
Did you say a 1985 Minogue, wait, wait.
Nissan 300ZX Z31? Yep.
You seen one of those? Yeah.
Yeah, long time ago.
But it wasn't green; it was black.
(TODDLER BABBLES) Bree! Stop hitting your sister! Gee.
Yeah, come on in.
Come on in.
OK.
Thank you.
Come on, move out of the way.
Out the way, please.
The officer's asked you to step away, mate.
(CLATTERING) Minogue, just leave it! We'll fix it at the- Leave it.
Don't want the kid to get out.
Shane was a lovely guy.
I mean, we'd only just moved in here, I think, together.
He loved that bloody Nissan 300ZX Z31 Turbo more than he loved me.
You know? He'd sleep in it.
He'd only even you know, with me - he'd only ever do that in the back seat of the car.
Only talk to you in the car? (WHISPERS) Oh.
To be fair, it was an awesome car - very comfortable seats - but I had to kick him out.
Hmm.
(SNIFFS) Took off in a huff, and never saw him again.
So, what's this about, anyway? Well, the car's been restored - (SNIFFS) we think, maybe, Shane with it.
(VEHICLE APPROACHES, CAR HORN PLAYS DRAGON'S 'ARE YOU OLD ENOUGH?') That's my favourite song! (ENGINE RUMBLES) (ENGINE REVS) It's the Nissan.
It's outside.
Are you telling me that Shane's ghost is driving this car? We can't be sure that that's a ghost, Sharon.
There's probably a perfectly logical explanation for all this.
Yeah, that it's a ghost.
That does certainly appear to be, maybe, a ghost.
Shall I just get in? BOTH: No.
Certainly not.
We certainly wouldn't advise you to get in that motor vehicle.
Absolutely not.
I've been in that car before, and it was verbally abusive, and it was drivin' all over the road, and then it let me out of the car, and I had to walk back to the station.
Other than that, we have not ascertained whether this is a safe situation and what's going on behind that door, so we would say definitely do not get in the vehicle at this time.
Not a good idea, Sharon! Obviously, we tried our best there to advise Sharon not to get into the motor vehicle.
She's gone against our advice.
Yeah.
I've never been in a vehicle that's more verbally abusive than this one.
Mm.
There's absolutely no way that I'll be putting myself through that again.
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC) Nothing's happening.
Maybe try talking to it? Oh, hey, Shane.
How are ya? (TUTS) I'm sorry you're dead, eh? Maybe he just wanted to see you and now he's passed over.
- (DISTORTED RADIO TUNING) - EERIE VOICE: Shaaazzzaa.
Was that you? Shane? Where are ya? ECHOES: I'm right here, Shaz! WHISPERS: He's in the mirror.
WHISPERS: Holy shit.
Shane! Is that you? ECHOES: Sure is, babe.
You miss me? CHUCKLES: Yeah.
(CHUCKLES) Yeah.
Well, for a while.
For a while? You shacked up with someone else? I only died yesterday.
Hey, it's been 30 years, Shane.
I've had a few partners in that time.
I've had seven kids.
I got four grandkids.
ECHOES: 30 years? I've been dead 30 years?! ECHOES: Gutted.
Oh, Shane.
Oh, Sh I'm so sorry.
What terrible news! (CHUCKLES SOFTLY) You still look spunky, Sharon.
CHUCKLES: Oh, Shane.
You look the same.
(CHUCKLES) Yeah.
Except I've got no body.
(GROANS) I've also got nobody, Shaz.
Repeating himself.
SOFTLY: Oh Shane.
Maybe we should just Sharon, would you like to have a bit of time alone with whatever this is? Yeah.
Bit of a love story from beyond the grave, this.
Uh, just goes to show that if you find true love, you should hold on to it and never, ever let it go.
Well, yes and no.
I mean, mostly no, because, obviously, if the other person doesn't wanna be with you any more, you should definitely let that go.
(ENGINE STARTS) That's better advice.
(ENGINE GROWLS) (CAR HORN PLAYS DRAGON'S 'ARE YOU OLD ENOUGH?') Sharon's still in the back! We're in pursuit! (SIRENS WAIL) Comms, this is Car Four.
We're in pursuit of a green 1985 Nissan 300Zx, licence plate 4NIC8.
I just got that.
That's a bit rude.
What's it mean? Look, there appears to be no one behind the wheel, um, but there is a woman in the back that looks a bit like Stevie Nicks.
Over.
RT: Copy that.
Sunstrike, O'Leary! just keep your eyes on the road! Requesting backup! I'll box him in! Hold on, O'Leary.
(TYRES SQUEAL) - On my way.
Over.
- (RT BEEPS) (EXHALES, WHIMPERS EXCITEDLY) It's time.
It's time! What seems to be the trouble? Oh, I can't get my seatbelt off.
He's done something to it.
Jammed seatbelt? jammed seatbelt.
Yeah, I can't get it off.
If it's jammed, Pull, pull, pull! You push and you pull, then pull and twist.
(ENGINE STARTS) Hey.
No.
Don't like it.
No, no, no, no, no.
(YELLS) I don't like it, don't like it! Tell him to stop! Tell him to stop! What is this car doing?! Can't move.
The seatbelt's stuck.
Tell him to stop! I've been trying! Well, what exactly did you say? I said I couldn't really commit to a relationship with a dead guy.
He got real angry and just took off! ECHOES: I just wanted things to be like they were, Shaz.
Oh, I've moved on, Shane.
I'm not 19 any more.
I don't care! I just wanna be with you in this world.
You'd hate the world now, mate.
lt's- You would.
The mullets are out of fashion Terrible.
the music's terrible.
Awful.
Everyone's always on their phone, and- Hang on.
Isn't this the road that Shane drove off? Shane, stop the vehicle now! It's the only way I can be with you forever.
You're not my type! No, I don't think he was talking about you.
I think- Yeah, nah, I think he means me.
Yeah, it would've been her.
OK, stop the car! Shaz, we can both be ghosts.
How cool would that be? (STRANGLED GROAN) MAAKA ON RT: Minogue! O'Leary! I have you in my sights.
Shane, stop the vehicle now! We mean it! Think about this - why would you wanna kill me and O'Leary too? You don't want us as ghosts, mate.
You don't want us hangin' around and telling you to slow down.
Telling you you gotta fix your taillight.
We're massive buzzkills! It's our job! Still love you, Shaz.
MAAKA ON RT: Minogue, O'Leary! Bail out! I like you, Shane, but if you kill us, I'll think you're a wanker.
(ROCK MUSIC) (PANTING) - (ENGINE STOPS) - I don't wanna be a wanker, Sharon.
I don't wanna be a wanker ghost.
(POIGNANT MUSIC) (DRONE WHIRRS) (THUD!) Oh.
Nice one, Sarge.
So the moral of the story is, if you have a former partner who's passed to the other side, and then comes to visit you in his Nissan 300ZX to try and kill you to keep the relationship going Turn you into a ghost - I mean, that's an unhealthy relationship.
It is an abusive relationship You need to get out.
and it's unacceptable.
But Sharon and Shane seem to have found a way to work it out amicably, but that's pretty rare.
You certainly just wanna get the support you need.
Officers, I'd like to commend you both on your police work today.
As we know, there's no I in 'team', so I've decided to keep you both on.
Yes! For three days a week - as long as I can get a refund for this drone from The Warehouse.
(CAR DOOR SHUTS, ENGINE STARTS) You OK? BREATHLESSLY: I think I just sent Shane to heaven.
Huh.
(GHOST ENGINE GROWLS) (TYRES SCREECH) (CAR HORN PLAYS DRAGON'S 'ARE YOU OLD ENOUGH?') (MUSIC FADES)