Work in Progress (2019) s02e05 Episode Script

1 [EDWARD.]
Previously on Work in Progress.
[ABBY.]
God, I need a new therapist.
I'm Dr.
Martinson, but please call me Greg.
[DR.
MARTINSON.]
Does Abby exhibit any coping mechanisms when she's under stress? - Fuck! - There have been some incidents.
Remember the time that she fainted at Gay Day? Oh, definitely she remembers.
Ten-dollar hotdog.
Yet again, Jags nailing it! It's what I do.
I'm pregnant.
The sperm donor's my friend Rick.
We're gonna call him Buncle Rick.
- Hey, Aunt Abby.
- Hey, Matty.
- Pine cones.
- Pine cones.
- Pine cones.
- Edward works for a medical group.
I just wish you were around more.
Hey I'm the boss lady! Hey, hey That's who I am I'm the boss lady! Hey, hey That's who I am Oh, yeah Good morning, Betty.
Morning, Dr.
Mac.
Oh.
You must be Abby.
Your dad told me you might wanna hang out with me today.
I'm here to see if I should become a doctor.
[CHUCKLES.]
Although, I'm not a fan of blood, surgeries, IVs, needles, stitches, or of hospitals, in general.
But I do like the smell of a Band-Aid.
Oh, what happened? Nothing.
And who's this fine young man? I thought it was "take your daughter to work" day.
James, this is my daughter, Abby.
Oh.
Sorry.
You look like a boy from the back.
- It's okay.
- All right, Abby.
You stick with me.
And don't you worry.
The only blood you might see behind this desk is from a paper cut.
[LAUGHS.]
So it's all - [THUD.]
- [ALL GASPS.]
And there she goes.
4377 Gloucester Place.
Her mother will be outside waiting for her.
Good morning, Aunt Abby.
Good morning, pal.
How'd you sleep? Same as usual, I guess.
Okay.
So how are you feeling about the day? [EXHALES SHARPLY.]
I think I'll do good.
You're gonna do great.
Hey, that's a nice hat.
Oh, look at you go.
Hey, you're tall.
Hey, buddy, it's not always great to call out people's physical stuff, okay? You see that squirrel? Oh, yeah, I do.
- What's he thinking? - I bet he's thinking, "Hmm, where can I get clothes to make me look as dapper as you do?" They don't make clothes for squirrels.
Oh, you've never been to Squirrels' Warehouse? - Aunt Abby.
- Come on.
You can pick anything you want.
Really? - Yeah.
Really.
- I can't believe you get to have parties at your office.
I know, right? That's pretty cool.
In theory, you are correct.
Is it someone's birthday today? No.
Actually, my boss is pregnant and she wanted to have a "gender is a spectrum" reveal party.
What are they revealing? That my boss is an exhausting human being.
It was originally gonna be a gender reveal party, but it got changed after an anonymous complaint to HR.
Nice.
Right.
Yes.
Why do people do those kind of things? I mean, what if the baby is intersex? - Yeah.
- Or they might have an extra chromosome or something.
You wouldn't even know about it until much later.
I learned that in biology.
- Hmm.
- Wow, really? That's crazy awesome.
[GASPS.]
It's perfect.
- Thank you so much.
- Yes.
Thank you.
- Have you decided yet, sir? - Yes, I have.
Can you wrap this whole entire shelf to go, please? And, uh, two forks.
Hi.
May I please have a one-pump mocha with two percent milk please? And then whatever this gentleman wants.
Your finest hot chocolate, please.
- Okay.
- And how about some extra whipped cream? [BOTH CHANTING.]
Whipped cream.
Whipped cream.
Whipped cream.
Whipped cream.
Who are your best friends at work? I would say Bey.
And then definitely Eli.
He sits across from me at work and he's a total goof like yourself.
When you meet him, you have to do your Christopher Walken impression.
He is gonna go nuts.
- Got it.
It is money.
- [SOFT CHUCKLES.]
[TEXT ALERT CHIMES.]
- - Oh, it's your dad.
[LAUGHS.]
He's gonna love it.
Oh, no.
[CELLPHONE RINGS.]
What? [LAUGHS.]
It's child-appropriate, I swear.
I promise.
[BOTH LAUGHING.]
So, do you have anything relaxing planned for tonight? Well, we're having Coq Au Vin with haricot verts.
Wait.
Hold on.
Are you cooking? No.
Jags.
Jags took a French cooking class at the Chopping Block.
Daddy, oatmeal cream pie and hot chocolate with extra whipped cream.
Work's the best.
I love work.
You haven't really even started yet.
- Pace yourself, dude.
- I know what I'm doing.
[LAUGHS.]
So I hope you have a very romantic night tonight with Jags.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do, all right? Well, that's everything, so Okay.
[LAUGHS.]
Hey.
See you later.
- Okay.
Bye-bye.
- Love you.
Bye.
Come and make my heart move baby Ooh baby I'm waiting for the magic Come and make my heart move baby Ooh baby Hey, Mary.
This is my nephew, Matty.
Hey, this is Mary.
She basically runs the joint.
- Good morning.
- Good morning.
Hey, guys.
I brought my nephew, Matty, with me as promised.
Oh.
Dude, what are you doing? That is terrifying.
Yeah.
It really is.
Get away from that.
As promised, Matty.
Hey, Bey.
I wanted to introduce you to my main man, Matty.
He's my nephew.
He's with me all day.
And he's basically my life coach.
Ooh.
Are you taking on any new clients? I think so.
Uh, everybody, slow your roll.
We have an exclusive arrangement for, like, the rest of your life.
Okay.
Okay.
See you later, Matty.
- Bye.
- Bye.
Hey, this is Shane.
She's on the phone.
Let's keep on going.
Hey, Lorraine.
How's it going this morning? Well, hey, Abby.
Great.
How are you doing? Yeah, really good.
I mean, I have the cake for the party.
- It's just killing me.
- Uh, dude, I swear - [ABBY.]
I know.
[LAUGHS.]
- It's me.
- Oh.
- Oh, yeah, buddy.
- You kept this? - Of course I kept it.
Any time I'm on a call that's very boring, I look at that and it makes me feel better, which is every single phone call I make from work.
Look how cute you are in that.
All right.
Make yourself comfortable, - all right? - All right.
- Hey.
- What's up, lady? How's it going? Did you hear that the San Francisco branch isn't coming in for the meeting next week? Oh, my God, Eli.
Well, then who's gonna remind us that we're Midwestern trash? - [LAUGH.]
- But, hey, they're suspending all travel.
Crap.
Really? I doubt we even come into the office next week.
Jeez.
That's crazy.
Yeah.
What Wait, wait, wait, wait.
- Abby - Yeah? - way to bury the lede.
- I can't help it.
I want it to be a surprise.
- Is that the Matty? - It is indeed.
Your aunt talks about you all the time.
- That is true.
- I mean, all the time.
I mean, not in an unhealthy way.
Right.
Nice to meet you, Matty.
Nice to meet you too.
- All right.
- So, buddy, wasn't there something you were gonna tell Eli? Oh, yeah.
I need more cowbell.
- [LAUGHS.]
- Sing.
I got a fever And the only prescription is [TOGETHER.]
More cowbell Yeah.
[LAUGHS.]
You nailed that.
You seen Susan today? - No.
Why? - She's in rare form.
- I don't think I can do it.
- She's being the most Susan she could be.
Hey, Matty, that means she's a lot of "fun".
[LAUGHS.]
Good morning Oh, hi, Matty.
We're just thrilled that you could join us in the office today.
I'm so happy to meet you.
And you know what? You came on the funnest day ever.
I love "fun".
This is incredible.
Okay.
Gotta run.
Oh, Abby, I decided to move up the party to 10:00 am.
Rick and I just can't wait any longer than that.
- [CHUCKLES.]
We're bustin'.
- [LAUGHS.]
Okay.
See you in the break room in one hour.
The break room in one hour.
Folks, everyone, the party is now at 10:00 am.
Chris, the party is at ten, okay.
Tell Chris P.
Party's now at ten, guys.
Party at ten.
Ten.
Lorraine, ten.
Chris, ten.
Peter, ten.
Ten.
Ten.
Ten.
Party's at ten.
I have a quick question, actually.
Uh, when does the party start? I mean, hey, she bustin'.
- She bustin'.
- Bustin'.
- Bustin'.
- [LAUGHS.]
- All right now.
- All right.
So Meg was telling me that you excel at Excel.
[HARP PLAYING.]
- What the fuck? - Whoa.
I want to work in an office like this when I grow up.
My love, follow your dreams wherever they take you, but, Lord, may they take you far from here.
Abby! Abby! I know.
I know.
- This is simple? - I know.
I know.
Oh, Matty, you simply must try a cupcake.
You simply must.
Yes.
Abby, I know we agreed on a small non-obligatory affair.
Susan, you have live string music at a half-hour office party.
[SUSAN.]
I know.
I know.
But Rick and I were talking and he thought it'd be Oh.
Oh, my gosh.
You haven't met Rick, have you? Oh, I will fix that immediately.
- No.
That - Rick.
Rick.
Come here.
Come here.
Come here.
Come here.
You gotta meet Abby.
Abby, this is the man of the hour, my dear friend and reason why my child has a fifty chance of being asthmatic, Buncle Rick.
I'm so happy to meet you.
Oh, and this is his lovely partner, Greg.
It's nice to meet both of you.
Yes.
It's lovely to meet you too, Abby.
So, Rick, uh, Susan says you two met at Northwestern? Uh, yes.
Uh, more specifically, we met the first day of a cappella practice.
- Oh.
- You may have heard of us, The Corduroys? I didn't go to Northwestern, so No, it shouldn't matter.
We were on WYCC all the time.
Oh, Abby, our senior year duet brought down the house.
[SINGING.]
Pa, pa, parap, pa, parap, pa, parap, pa [SUSAN SINGING.]
Around every corner there's more [RICK.]
Things I've never seen before More faces - And places to explore - More, more, more [BOTH.]
More, more, more - More, more, more! - [LAUGHS.]
[STAMMERS.]
Do you know where Bey left the candles for the cake? No.
So our sophomore year, we did Oliver.
- [ABBY.]
Uh-huh.
Okay.
Where are they? - [RICK.]
She was Nancy.
I was Bill.
The chemistry was dangerous [HARP CONTINUES TO PLAY.]
Lorraine? - Lorraine.
- Hi.
I'm so sorry to interrupt.
You sounded so beautiful.
Well, thank you so much.
Rick and his boyfriend rented this for me.
It's got full set of gut strings, Jordan pedals, tiger maple soundboard.
[SUSAN.]
All right.
We're gonna get in places now.
- Okay, everybody.
- Attention.
- Attention.
The big show.
- Yeah.
It's every harpist's dream to play.
- [SUSAN.]
Places.
Places.
Places.
- Okay, everybody, - just go and find a comfortable seat.
- Everyone ready for the big show? - Are you ready? - Yeah.
I'm ready.
[VOCALIZING.]
I'm right here.
Okay, I got your back.
[RICK VOCALIZING.]
I have your back.
Yes, sir That's my baby No, sir I don't mean maybe - Yes, sir - That's my baby now Ah, ta, da, da, da Yes, ma'am We decided No, ma'am We won't hide it Yes, ma'am You're invited now [BOTH.]
Ah, ta, da, da, da Hey, ho Yeah, hey Ho, ha Ho, ha [RAPIDLY EXCLAIMING.]
- Woo! - Hey.
Oh, my God.
Well, that is a workout.
- Are you okay? - No, I'm all right.
I'm all right.
Just out of breath.
So is the baby.
We're both entertainers.
Oh, gee.
Okay.
All right.
Where were we? I think you were just getting ready Yeah.
Okay.
Got it, Greg.
All right.
Well, welcome you all to my baby's "gender is a spectrum" reveal party.
Because as we all know, the gender doesn't matter.
What really matters is that I'm gonna be a mom! - [LAUGHS.]
- [ELI.]
Okay.
Stop.
Oh, Eli.
I got sparklers.
I got a cousin in Elkhart.
He makes these artisanal fireworks.
I got a mad deal.
- Wow.
- [ELI.]
Check them on out.
[SUSAN.]
Well, I guess we can get started if that's okay with Eli.
- Go ahead.
- [INHALES SHARPLY.]
Hey, and just a reminder, folks.
This party is not mandatory.
But let's go ahead and shut those doors.
If you are here, please refrain from reading your phones.
But if you do feel compelled to share this via social media, please consider using the hashtag for the event, hashtag Fifty Shades of Susan.
Lorraine, my cannons, please.
Oh, and Abby, would you be in charge of the balloon drop? Wait.
Confetti cannons and balloons? "I'd rather be too much than not enough.
" Amelia Earhart.
Never said those words.
Okay.
Hey, you know, actually, buddy, why don't I take the sparkler and you take the balloons, - all right? - Deal.
Uh, just don't pull it until I give you the signal.
What's the signal? - Hmm, "Do you need more ice?" - [BOTH CLICK TONGUE.]
Now, I know that some of you might think that this party is a little over the top, but I just wanna thank you all so much for supporting me through this amazing journey.
I really appreciate working at a place where people accept you for who you are, because, folks, we are knowledge workers.
And what matters is knowledge.
I think that deserves a round of applause.
[LIGHT APPLAUSE.]
[SUSAN.]
Oh, I can't wait to meet this baby! Which is a - girl.
- Wait.
What? Three, two, one! Oh! I think I need more ice! Susan, you just revealed the gender of your baby.
- This is now a gender reveal party.
- I, I didn't mean to.
- What do you mean, you didn't mean to? - The doctor wasn't gonna say anything but then it was such an obvious vagina.
You went back on your word.
You are locking your child in a heteronormative BS that ruins lives, Susan.
I thought you heard me.
Abby, she could change later.
Hey, everyone, my baby's starting out as a girl but then she can be whatever she wants later, okay? - This is a betrayal.
- [RICK.]
Yeah.
What else are you keeping from me? Did you pick a name? Oh, you did.
I told you, I have a toxic Aunt Tiffany.
Tiffany? Abby, can we please just have a calm, relaxing party? Susan, clearly, we can't! You got live string music.
Presents? You make the most money of anybody here! [FIRE ALARM BLARES.]
Fire! Fire! Wait.
No, no, no.
Okay.
It's fine.
Nobody leave.
The party is not over.
- Nobody leave.
- Nobody panic! Everybody chill out! Nobody panic! [GASPS.]
Are you fucking kidding me? [SUSAN.]
Eli, those sparklers are hazardous! [ELI.]
What are you talking about? My cousin sells these on Etsy.
- My rented harp! - My asthma! My daughter's party! [SCREAMING.]
Aunt Abby! Aunt Abby! [JULIA.]
Hi, Abby.
I'm Julia.
[KIDS SHOUTING.]
[WOMAN.]
Abby, come say hi to your Uncle Bart.
[SCREAMS.]
[WOMAN.]
Three cakes.
I got three cakes.
Happy birthday! [YELLING.]
Surprise! Repeat! [SCREAMS.]
[ABBY.]
Ten dollars for a hotdog? [WOMAN.]
Abby.
Abby.
Aunt Abby.
Aunt Abby.
[FIRE ALARM BLARES.]
Aunt Abby! Are you okay? Okay.
Everybody, freeze! Do not move until you hear the sound of the All right.
Okay.
What we're gonna do is you're gonna listen to the sound of my voice, follow my instructions, and we're gonna get out of here safely.
Everybody on that side of the room, you're gonna stand behind Lee.
Everybody on this side of the room, you're gonna stand behind Dave.
And everybody in the center, please line up behind me and Matty.
Come on, Matty.
We've got it.
All right.
While we do that, Eli, stop buying your cousin's sparklers.
Susan, so much to go over, not enough time.
Block off a week.
Rick, slow, gentle breaths on the inhaler.
Word on the street is Greg is a very selfish lover.
And, Lorraine I need my Lorraine! - Here.
Here.
- Okay.
Quit this damn job.
You gotta share your art with the world! Okay, Matty.
Don't change a thing.
You are nailing it.
You're my inspiration.
Okay.
When I say go, we go.
[INHALES SHARPLY.]
Go! Who say they goin' to save the world? Who say they goin' to save the world? I don't need nobody else I'mma save myself Man, I ain't no little girl I'm a grown-ass woman I do not cry for a boy Be what he wants then destroys I have been hurt, do you wanna risk when you see it How many rounds left in my clip How many miles on my whip? Roll up to throw down because you lied over some [SIRENS BLARING.]
[RICK.]
It's our fifth day.
We're getting there.
You know what I mean? Ooh.
Oh.
Abby.
Abby.
Abby.
Abby.
Abby, can I ask you a favor? Of course.
[SUSAN.]
Will you come with me when I have to talk to the firefighters? I'm afraid they're gonna take away - my Floor Fire Marshal Deputy Chief-ship.
- I will, okay? - I know how important this is to you.
- Oh, my God.
Thank you.
Thank you so much.
So I, I know.
I know it's in my nature to act wild.
- It is.
- I know.
I've become a an absolute beast inside of a party supply store.
I know that about myself.
I just wanted this baby party to be a certain way.
Have everyone ask me about it later.
Hopefully, a few tears.
I forced it.
You tried to control a gender reveal party.
- I know.
I did.
- And then the party had ideas of its own? - It did.
It did.
- Yeah.
And I think maybe there's a lesson in there that we could learn from.
Yeah.
Yeah.
[ABBY.]
Maybe Campbell is already home.
That would be fun.
- Matty! - Oh.
Susan's baby is assigned female, Rick's the Buncle, and smoke doesn't make me cough 'cause I'm too short.
What exactly is your job? I have been able to surmise it is to plan non-obligatory parties, to smile when I don't want to, and then not pass out when I'm super stressed.
Aunt Abby saves people from burning.
Well, this clears everything up.
Thank you so much.
- Pizza is on the way.
- Yup.
And, Matty, I don't know what your favorite type of pop is, so I went ahead and got us the royal sampler.
We can mix them all together if you want.
- Yes! - Yes! Come on! Come on, my man! Can you mix me something stronger? Let me just get you zipped up.
And tuck, tuck, tuck in.
[EXHALES SHARPLY.]
You know what, Matty? I am really, really glad you were there with me today.
Me too.
Now, I'm just gonna be in the next room - if you need anything, okay? - Okay.
All right.
And by the way, it's okay never to work in an office, all right? If you wanna be an artist, be an artist.
All right.
[TV CHATTER.]
- Hey, bud.
- Hi.
I keep trying to sleep but my mind won't be quiet.
Come on over.
Come on.
[PATS SEAT.]
Snuggle up.
Get comfy, okay? Hey, what's going on, bud? Nothing.
Okay.
But if there's any time that you wanna talk about stuff, you can talk to me, okay? Okay.
I will.
All right.
You know what? I got an idea.
One sec.
I'll be right back.
Grandpa and I loved this album.
And we listened to it all the time when I was growing up.
[STEVE MARTIN THROUGH STEREO SPEAKER.]
Unless of course I get my three demands.
Hundred thousand in cash, getaway car, and I want the letter M stricken from the English language.
- [AUDIENCE ON RECORD LAUGHS.]
- [LAUGHS.]
Can we go to that bakery again tomorrow? There was a thing with rainbow sprinkles I didn't pick today.
[WHISPERS.]
All right.
I think I can arrange that, okay? - Getaway car.
- [LAUGHS.]
Ah.
There's your mom.
- Here we go.
- [MATTY.]
All right.
[ABBY.]
All right.
- Hey, guys.
- Hi.
Ooh.
You went to the bakery? Yeah.
All the tables and the chairs were gone 'cause they didn't want us sitting there.
- I know, honey.
- Yeah.
Hey, let's get you home, okay? All right.
- Hey.
- Hey, I'm gonna pop the trunk for you, and just take as much as you can carry.
Don't worry about it, all right? Mike is filling up the Yukon with the exact same shopping list.
Okay.
- All right.
- Okay.
You all in? - Yeah.
- All right.
Scarcity mindset much, Alison? You say that like it's a bad thing.
- You're gonna need that.
- Okay.
Okay.
- Take this, okay? - Okay.
- And definitely this, okay? - Okay.
- All right? I love you.
- I love you too.
- You'll be all good, okay? - Okay.
Stay safe.
Hey, Matty? Yeah? It's gonna be all right, all right? We'll be we'll be all right.
Okay.
- Bye.
- Bye.
[CAR DOOR BEEPS.]
Oh Said I didn't need you, baby I said I said I'll get along Oh I said I can make it without you, baby But I found out I'm not that strong And I didn't know I could miss you so Until you were gone Tried to find someone else To take your place But every time I close my eyes to kiss him I kept seeing your face Oh I said I could stop loving you I tried But it didn't do no good And I didn't know I could miss you so Until you were gone Oh